Fifree introduction

[Thorin]

9 minutes ago, j1290 said:

@Thorin what's the term for the opposite of doom posting?   fun posting?   Someone help me out here

Hmmmm good question. I’ll think about it. But I, personally would love to see some more happy posts on here!

[j1290]

1 minute ago, Thorin said:

11 minutes ago, j1290 said:

@Thorin what's the term for the opposite of doom posting?   fun posting?   Someone help me out here

Hmmmm good question. I’ll think about it. But I, personally would love to see some more happy posts on here!

@littlebird Calling in the big guns on this one.  Any thoughts on this?  Fun post?  Sun post? I'll see if I can think of something as I drive to work but I'm sure you'll have something better.  

[littlebird]

4 hours ago, Fifree said:

Also me🤔: Yes but wouldn't it be better to have a long symptom free taper where you live a normal life and just let this go on in the background?

Me again😈: Yeah but I just want to get off this sh!t and be free!

😠: Do you WANT to join all the people in kindled H3ll?

 

So. Relatable!! I have this lil guy on my shoulder too, telling me, "The doctor said people cold turkey this stuff no problem. That could be you, you could be people."

 

4 hours ago, Fifree said:

I need to get out more and stop pursuing the-world's-least-fun-hobby as a full time job. I was really thrown off-balance by the too-fast cut to 20 to 10mg and if I'm honest, the last month and a bit has been a bit of a haze as I've been hyper-fixated on ADs and WD.

 

Me too. A friend asked me what I'd been up to, and I realized I've been working and working on meds. Not so cute!

 

4 hours ago, Fifree said:

But I always feel like I should be doing MORE! People ask me what I've been up to, and I can't bloody answer them. What did I do for the past week? Doomscrolled SA? Used Excel and rusty modelling skills to develop an incredibly complicated tapering schedule for Escitalopram for myself? Started writing it up into a paper to give to the admins? I have done a lot of this. It doesn't make for good conversation - except maybe here. Meanwhile my friends who are still working full-time are pursuing relationships and making interstate trips every couple of months. My retired and semi-retired friends make interstate trips every couple of weeks and 2-3 international trips a year! WTF am I doing?

 

Ooh, yup yup yup. One could say that you're taking a big ole trip internally, when doing this sort of work it's inescapable to explore the inner world a bit more than before. Also, I hear you and feel the same, it feels like I'm spinning my wheels and not living.

 

4 hours ago, Fifree said:

I wish everyone more windows than waves.

 

Thanks, luv!
 

1 hour ago, Thorin said:

4 hours ago, Fifree said:

I'm hesitant to post about it because it seems pretty unkind to say "hey everyone! I'm feeling great!" because I am. Today is day 15 from my cut to 12 mg

I completely disagree although I get what you’re saying. The fact that you’re successfully able to resume your taper after reinstatement and a hold gives me hope for resuming my taper soon.

 

Agreed, it helps to have people report good times as well as poor. I think this site is weighted with folks who are struggling, so it could be good to newcomers to see that it's not all struggletown.

 

4 hours ago, Fifree said:

littlebird works for a cool startup and they have a loving partner. That's soooo SanFrancisco and cool. I don't have that. I wonder if they know my nephew who is also a cool SanFran brainiac?  Of course they don't you idiot, SF is a big city.

 

You know, my partner might know him! They're a bit more in the world, I'm a rare bird to spot in the wild. While we're doing some cool stuff, we're also such hot messes (with untreated ADHD) that our home looks like someone tossed it in a robbery, all the time. It's mortifying if someone has to come in to check the gas or repair something.

 

I miss taking ADHD meds sometimes, I was able to complete tasks, organize things, and remember why I walked into a room holding something. Sometimes it feels like the game we play most often is, "Have you seen my ____?"

 

1 hour ago, Thorin said:

Also my partner is amazing but she can be hard work (like anyone including me). It’s not all roses here.

 

I so feel this! I don't know who else could handle us except each other.

 

14 minutes ago, j1290 said:

This made me laugh hard enough for the neighbors to hear!   I can relate.  

 

Made me nod my head and go, "MmmHMMMM," like an old lady in church.

 

14 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Thief of Joy is a great description.  What do they say, don't compare other people's outsides with your insides?  So true.  I don't know about anybody else, but I defo curate what I post.  I read your intro and wish I were as smart as you LOL and remember the really brilliant people I studied with, which is fun. 

 

Agreed!!

 

5 minutes ago, Thorin said:

15 minutes ago, j1290 said:

@Thorin what's the term for the opposite of doom posting?   fun posting?   Someone help me out here

Hmmmm good question. I’ll think about it. But I, personally would love to see some more happy posts on here!

 

Let's get silly, my night owl and southern hemisphere friends!

[littlebird]

Just now, j1290 said:

@littlebird Calling in the big guns on this one.  Any thoughts on this?  Fun post?  Sun post? I'll see if I can think of something as I drive to work but I'm sure you'll have something better.  

 

Ooh, I'll think on a good term!! I am all for bringing fun to this grueling process. You know I love my teeheehees! Currently having a little chuckle thinking of silly names, while having a cigarette under the bathroom fan cause I'm too scared to be on the front porch this late alone anymore. If I was in the bath, I'd be full Margot Tenenbaum rn.

 

It would normally feel like a bummer moment, I was scolding myself for smoking indoors, but y'all are making me feel less alone! I'll think on names, but Fun in the Sun Posts are always welcome.

[j1290]

19 minutes ago, littlebird said:

Fun in the Sun Posts

Nailed it.  😊

[Fifree]

Thanks @Thorin, @j1290 and @littlebird. You are all great. You have to laugh at this stuff right? What other option is there?

 

The fact that you’re successfully able to resume your taper after reinstatement and a hold gives me hope for resuming my taper soon.

 

Thanks so much Thorin. I have to admit I’ve scoured this site looking for cases where everything went smoothly and have yet to find one. I’ll continue to post, good or bad. The whole point of this site is “natural case studies” right? I suspect because people tend to post more when they feel bad it skews how one reads the case studies. I don’t check the dates usually – I just read from start to finish.

 

While I agree that Melbourne is way cooler than Brissy 😂 YOU LIVE IN QUEENSLAND WHICH IS AWESOME! I love it up there!

 

IKR? I also love it up here! I lived in Melbourne for 6 years but chose to come back to Brisburg. I honestly love it. And Melbourne’s ‘cool’ in no way makes up for its appalling weather.☔🥶⛈️🌞🍁 

 

I like that you recognise you need to this and then make time for it!

 

Thanks I try. It’s that mindfulness thang. So good to be able to observe yourself rather than just get all reactive. Did you get your book yet?

 

You clearly have such a brilliant mind I feel smarter just reading what you type.

 

LOL thank you so much. I’m only smart when I’m interested in something. It’s very selective.

 

I didn't wind up here because I'm Tony Robbins and giving seminars on traits of highly effective people.   

 

Hehehe. I would love to see that video. Can you send a link?

 

That could be you, you could be people.

 

This comment made me snort my (decaf) tea outta my nose

 

I was able to complete tasks, organize things, and remember why I walked into a room holding something

 

So so true. That was my life too

 

As always you have all brightened my day. Hope you're all doing Fun in the Sun posts soon.

 

 

[Thorin]

18 minutes ago, Fifree said:

Thanks so much Thorin. I have to admit I’ve scoured this site looking for cases where everything went smoothly and have yet to find one.

I guess naturally if you’re not struggling you don’t go looking for help. And when you’re done struggling you take off and try not to look back because for many it’s been a traumatic experience.

 

19 minutes ago, Fifree said:

I suspect because people tend to post more when they feel bad it skews how one reads the case studies. I don’t check the dates usually – I just read from start to finish.

I definitely post more the worse I feel. When I’m ok I’m out doing other things. When I’m not i’m on here looking for support and help.

 

20 minutes ago, Fifree said:

IKR? I also love it up here! I lived in Melbourne for 6 years but chose to come back to Brisburg. I honestly love it. And Melbourne’s ‘cool’ in no way makes up for its appalling weather.☔🥶⛈️🌞🍁 

The weather is definitely crap a lot of the time down here. My partner and I would like to move to northern nsw/Queensland once the kids have flown the nest. Who doesn’t want to live in the tropics right?

 

21 minutes ago, Fifree said:

Thanks I try. It’s that mindfulness thang. So good to be able to observe yourself rather than just get all reactive. Did you get your book yet?

I did get my book! It’s lying next to my bed untouched so far as life has been pretty hectic. I’ll get into it as soon as life gives me some head space.

[Fifree]

Hi all. It's Day 17 on 12 mg of Escitalopram

 

I still feel pretty good but my head is occasionally a little swimmy. Nothing too drastic. Also last night when I went to bed,  I kept having those hypnogogic jerks and waking myself up. As a result I went to sleep late, then slept through my alarm and now my meds are off schedule.  You know how it goes. Long story short, I've very glad I didn't give into this guy 😈 and cut to 10 mg on Monday. I still have a long way to go to understand my own symptoms/patterns etc

 

Otherwise I'm fine and dandy. Getting into the swing of things again. Have booked a holiday to Port Douglas in Far North Queensland for May which should be really beautiful. Despite having spent most of my life in Qld, I have never really been to the Great Barrier Reef. I'm finally gonna get up close and personal with Nemo and Dory and the rest of the gang!

 

I wanted to share this video I watched yesterday on anxiety. I know it plagues so many of us here on SA. 

 

 

Tim's developed this whole analogy around you being a ship and your subconscious being the crew and your consciousness being the captain etc. The captain has to be nice to the crew and listen to them. It really resonated with me. I hope anyone who watches gets something out of it.

 

 

[Fifree]

It’s 1 am and I can’t sleep due to itching feet. How odd this is. It maybe completely unrelated to WD but it’s driving me nuts. Im trying so hard to stick to regular sleep/wake/ meds times. I do not need itching feet. Although I know on the scale of unpleasant symptoms, this is a minor blip. 
 

Apart from the feet, I’m feeling good today. 1/10 irritable but as I’m continuing to taper my nicotine too that’s no surprise. Im weirdly excited to get off nicotine. I’ve been very reluctant to try in the 7 or so years since I actually quit smoking. But now I can’t wait ti be free  of it! Coffee is pretty much done now too - my morning espresso is now about 90% decaf. 
 

i can’t wait to be drug free. Having said that, I’ve just taken 1/4 of a doxylamine. I have to stop the itching and get to sleep!

 

 

[Fifree]

Hello to anyone reading. I hope you're going well.

 

I am still fine and dropped to 10 mg on Monday (another theoretical 2% SERT occupancy). It will be Tuesday next week (Day 9) before I'll know how that's played out. I plan to hold here for a couple of months either way to let any backlog of WDs wash on thru. I just couldn't wait to get down to a "normal" dose for some reason.

 

I've had a bit of irritability and itchiness keeping me awake occasionally. I was quite short with one of my kids who for months has been unloading all her work woes onto me and then ignores any advice that I give her to fix it.  I didn't lose my cool or anything - just said "don't tell me - tell your boss - I can't fix it" and she went all quiet at dinner and then a big fat tear rolled slowly down her face. So I apologised and we talked through stuff and that was all ok.

 

So then the agitation and itching kept me awake Wednesday night. I needed to get up the next morning to go to yoga which is massively important to my wellbeing - especially as my teacher is going away for 3 weeks and this was the last class. Finally around 2:30 am I took 1/4 doxylamine (6.25 mg) put on the sound of a rainstorm on my iPad and went off to sleep. Then of course I slept through my alarm and missed yoga and was incredibly irritable and out of sorts for the rest of the day. 

 

I stepped back and had a good hard look at myself, and I was indeed being a petulant privileged PITA. I dragged myself out of the house to do some errands and was not particularly nice to people in shops etc either, although I did try to be.

 

I had my appointment with psych in the afternoon. I ranted at him in hypomanic fashion for 30 minutes allowing him to squeeze in a question from time to time. In 30 minutes I ran through:

• my personal withdrawal experience,
• all the conflicting and just plain wrong advice on withdrawal,
• survivingantidepressants.org and the amazing peer support work going on here as well as the terrible crises so many people are facing (he said he wouldn't be looking it up - I thought: well you really ****ing should),
• how to make your own liquid Escitalopram to get an accurate dose reduction for tapering (he did not understand when I said I'd been taking 12 mg),
• the horrors of polydrugging (to his credit, as soon as he saw how I was going on dexamphetamine, he wanted to get me off Lexapro),
• Mark Horowitz research on SERT occupancy and PET scans (mentioned the Lancet publication so he knows I'm not just hanging out on anti psychiatry websites)
• Michaelis-Menten kinetics,
• the excel spreadsheet I made that enables me to calculate (theoretically) consistent % drops in SERT occupancy,
• the culpability of the pharmaceutical industry,
• an update on my home life, and
• how I'm going with conquering my fear of driving on the highway.

Right at the end I asked him if I could have a script for liquid escitalopram so that I could manage my taper slowly (he had earlier suggested the Prozac bridge).  He looked puzzled for a moment as he'd clearly never heard of it and was trying to figure out if I was delusional or if I knew more than he did on this particular subject. Anyway he looked it up and wrote me the script. He has to write a dose on the prescription so put down 0.4 ml and he said he hoped I had an accurate syringe. After the big spew on mathematics, chemistry and neuroscience I think he is confident that I can manage (most of my knowledge coming from here of course). 

Anyway, after all that I felt much much better. I think perhaps I was just BURSTING to talk about all this stuff to someone who understands it and get the prized liquid Lex prescription. I've been completely fine since having the big debrief.

 

Go well friends

 

[Thorin]

39 minutes ago, Fifree said:

am still fine and dropped to 10 mg on Monday (another theoretical 2% SERT occupancy). It will be Tuesday next week (Day 9) before I'll know how that's played out. I plan to hold here for a couple of months either way to let any backlog of WDs wash on thru. I just couldn't wait to get down to a "normal" dose for some reason.

I love your big brain dump. I find doing that helps me a lot. You’re making food progress on your taper while keeping a watchful eye out for symptoms. Love it!

 

40 minutes ago, Fifree said:

I've had a bit of irritability and itchiness keeping me awake occasionally. I was quite short with one of my kids who for months has been unloading all her work woes onto me and then ignores any advice that I give her to fix it.  I didn't lose my cool or anything - just said "don't tell me - tell your boss - I can't fix it" and she went all quiet at dinner and then a big fat tear rolled slowly down her face. So I apologised and we talked through stuff and that was all ok.

Your interaction with your daughter may be things you feel naturally made slightly bigger by WD. Or it could just be how you feel. Either way when you saw you’d upset your daughter you apologised and talked it through and that’s the sign of a good parent as far as I am concerned. I do the same thing. I apologise to my kids if I feel I should, and sometimes it is needed. That’s the sign of a good parent.

 

43 minutes ago, Fifree said:

facing (he said he wouldn't be looking it up - I thought: well you really ****ing should),

Yeah that’s a bit ****. My psych asked for links to the site and looked up mark Horowitz in front of me so he could review it later…. I appreciated that (he still hasn’t been much support during my taper).

 

44 minutes ago, Fifree said:

Anyway, after all that I felt much much better. I think perhaps I was just BURSTING to talk about all this stuff to someone who understands it and get the prized liquid Lex prescription. I've been completely fine since having the big debrief.

It’s so important to get this stuff out isn’t it. I feel so much better when I let stuff out. I just check myself to make sure I’m not doing it in an unhealthy way (your way sounds pretty good!)

 

Anyway, I’m off for a kayak in the bay as the day is stunning!

[j1290]

44 minutes ago, Fifree said:

(another theoretical 2% SERT occupancy).

Woot Woot!  Always glad to see someone using that SERT occupancy chart!   That thing matched my Effexor taper big time.  Not that we had it back then😆

 

46 minutes ago, Fifree said:

It will be Tuesday next week (Day 9) before I'll know how that's played out.

Sounds like someone is tracking their days like me!  The Cut and Suffer method has its upsides.  

 

50 minutes ago, Fifree said:

I ranted at him in hypomanic fashion

This gave me a  laugh.  Sigh.  Hypomania is something, isn't it?  I think it's one of the least-worst effects of tapering, so that's got to count for something.   

 

That's an amazing amount of ground to cover in 30 minutes.  Congrats!

[Fifree]

26 minutes ago, Thorin said:

may be things you feel naturally made slightly bigger by WD. Or it could just be how you feel. Either way when you saw you’d upset your daughter you apologised and talked it through and that’s the sign of a good parent as far as I am concerned

Thank you so much Thorin. I really try. I was not very harsh but my kids are very sensitive and I was not my usual mollycoddling self. It's try I am frustrated with her not taking control of this situation but my patience ran out due to WD.

 

35 minutes ago, Thorin said:

My psych asked for links to the site and looked up mark Horowitz in front of me so he could review it later

That is really encouraging. Mine was just gonna go with the old prozac-switcheroo. He says he has got lots of peeps off these drugs that way, but he's given me the liquid to manage it my own way

 

37 minutes ago, Thorin said:

It’s so important to get this stuff out isn’t it. I feel so much better when I let stuff out. I just check myself to make sure I’m not doing it in an unhealthy way (your way sounds pretty good!)

You are so right. I try writing and journalling and gratitude and all that, but sometimes you just need a big RANT. I will be seeing my psychologist next week (the one who only does CBT). I might have another dummy spit then to tide me over. I don't want to bore my friends away or be mean to my kids just because I'm obsessed with tapering. I tell you though, I'd really appreciate it if my kids would ask me how I'm going once in a while (the older one is almost 30)

29 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Not that we had it back then😆

You were the brave pioneers over on paxilprogress that helped figure this stuff out the hard way. Now it's backed with science (and maths!)

30 minutes ago, j1290 said:

tracking their days like me

Yes I have learned a lot from you J. Having had the Effexor experience, your word is tapering law

33 minutes ago, j1290 said:

least-worst effects of tapering

Yes it feels really good, but I have to ask myself, whenever I feel really good "Are you hypomanic right now? Do you need to just c-a-l-m d-o-w-n a little?" I have made really dumb decisions in the past while hypomanic (divorce anyone?) but it's a tough thing to catch.

[j1290]

6 minutes ago, Fifree said:

You were the brave pioneers over on paxilprogress that helped figure this stuff out the hard way. Now it's backed with science (and maths!)

I think about them now and then.  I wish them all well.  I'm not even sure we had any guidelines at all and 10% was just a good idea someone had.   It was really the wild west.  

 

8 minutes ago, Fifree said:

Yes I have learned a lot from you J. Having had the Effexor experience, your word is tapering law

Thanks for that.  Anybody who gets off that stuff deserves a medal in my book.   It was much easier, if more intense.  You take a bead out of a capsule then embrace the suck for a couple weeks and do it again.  Simples!

 

12 minutes ago, Fifree said:

Yes it feels really good, but I have to ask myself, whenever I feel really good "Are you hypomanic right now? Do you need to just c-a-l-m d-o-w-n a little?" I have made really dumb decisions in the past while hypomanic (divorce anyone?) but it's a tough thing to catch.

I'm right there with you because it's so seductive. My brain is telling me something feels 100% correct, so don't engage that rational side and ruin the moment 😆😆😆😆

 

[littlebird]

2 hours ago, Thorin said:

Anyway, I’m off for a kayak in the bay as the day is stunning!

 

Dang, I'm going to live vicariously through you and kayak in my mind while I chop veggies for dinner. Hope it was beautiful!

 

1 hour ago, Fifree said:

I was not very harsh but my kids are very sensitive and I was not my usual mollycoddling self.

 

Also, it's a good life lesson. It's hard to have someone complain, not do the things you know from experience would help, then repeat the same problems... sometimes setting a boundary like that is a good learning experience. 

 

Hope you're doing well, and giving yourself grace for being a little more short of patience than usual. Glad you ranted and got it out! You're right, sometimes a good vent helps a lot. We all gotta blow off steam!

[Thorin]

1 hour ago, Fifree said:

Thank you so much Thorin. I really try. I was not very harsh but my kids are very sensitive and I was not my usual mollycoddling self. It's try I am frustrated with her not taking control of this situation but my patience ran out due to WD.

Ah I can relate. My kids have also been slightly mollycoddled due to me wanting the opposite of my childhood for them…… they’re beautiful kids but not gonna lie, they’re a little entitled. But they have a strong sense of self and security I believe so we’ve succeeded as parents on a few levels.

 

2 hours ago, Fifree said:

You are so right. I try writing and journalling and gratitude and all that, but sometimes you just need a big RANT. I will be seeing my psychologist next week (the one who only does CBT). I might have another dummy spit then to tide me over. I don't want to bore my friends away or be mean to my kids just because I'm obsessed with tapering. I tell you though, I'd really appreciate it if my kids would ask me how I'm going once in a while (the older one is almost 30)

I love dumping all my stuff on my therapist then sorting through it 😂. Poor woman 😂. She seems to revel in it though. Maybe revel is the wrong word. It’s more that she deeply gives a **** which is wonderful. Maybe makes me a little uncomfortable at times because I’m not used to it but facing uncomfortable things is growth!

Wow, I would hope that at 30 my kids would be asking me how I’m doing and how life is…… not sure they will be though…. 

2 hours ago, Fifree said:

That is really encouraging. Mine was just gonna go with the old prozac-switcheroo. He says he has got lots of peeps off these drugs that way, but he's given me the liquid to manage it my own way

I did this for Pristiq and it worked. Won’t be doing it for the med I’m tapering now. I’m much more sensitive than I was. It’s good he’s trusting that you know what is best for you.

 

2 hours ago, Fifree said:

2 hours ago, j1290 said:

least-worst effects of tapering

Yes it feels really good, but I have to ask myself, whenever I feel really good "Are you hypomanic right now? Do you need to just c-a-l-m d-o-w-n a little?" I have made really dumb decisions in the past while hypomanic (divorce anyone?) but it's a tough thing to catch.

Hmmmm, I keep an eye on myself when I’m feeling good but I don’t know if I get to the point of being ‘hypomanic’. I have before on a ridiculously high dose of Lexapro (70mg!!!! That stupid ******* doctor!) but I don’t think I have since I got off that stuff. Wow you got a divorce when hypomanic? I would assume things weren’t great regardless of mental health if your mind went down that track…. If I suspect I’m not thinking straight these days I stay out and don’t make ANY decisions for a few days….. I’m pretty sure this method has helped me a bunch of times!

 

1 hour ago, j1290 said:

think about them now and then.  I wish them all well.  I'm not even sure we had any guidelines at all and 10% was just a good idea someone had.   It was really the wild west.  

I forget sometimes that you were here for the early days….. man that must have been scarier than it is this time.

 

1 hour ago, j1290 said:

Thanks for that.  Anybody who gets off that stuff deserves a medal in my book.   It was much easier, if more intense.  You take a bead out of a capsule then embrace the suck for a couple weeks and do it again.  Simples!

Phew I remember the feeling of coming off that stuff. One day I woke up with my anxiety roaring at 1000% and everything was SO INTENSE. Sounds, light, feelings, thoughts…… then I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. As you should be when in WD 🤔

 

1 hour ago, j1290 said:

I'm right there with you because it's so seductive. My brain is telling me something feels 100% correct, so don't engage that rational side and ruin the moment 😆😆😆😆

Just run with it and see where you end up 😂😂😂 I lived my whole life like that until about 2 years ago. There’s still an element of that now. Adventures! Let me know where you land 😂😂😂

 

27 minutes ago, littlebird said:

Dang, I'm going to live vicariously through you and kayak in my mind while I chop veggies for dinner. Hope it was beautiful!

Was beautiful LB. Just me, still, sunny day. Water was crystal clear. Just dumped my feet in the water every now and again and paddled around and looked at fish. Felt really good.

[j1290]

45 minutes ago, Thorin said:

I forget sometimes that you were here for the early days….. man that must have been scarier than it is this time.

It was really chill.  

 

51 minutes ago, Thorin said:

Just run with it and see where you end up 😂😂😂

This made me LOL  It's this sort of attitude that led me to where I am today 🤣  Rebel without a clue, right here.   

 

52 minutes ago, Thorin said:

Water was crystal clear. Just dumped my feet in the water every now and again and paddled around and looked at fish

This sounds amazing.  Kayaking is super cool.  

[Thorin]

11 minutes ago, j1290 said:

1 hour ago, Thorin said:

I forget sometimes that you were here for the early days….. man that must have been scarier than it is this time.

It was really chill.  

Oh that’s good. My memory of coming off Effexor is anything but chill 😂

 

12 minutes ago, j1290 said:

This made me LOL  It's this sort of attitude that led me to where I am today 🤣  Rebel without a clue, right here. 

I’ve mostly had a lot of fun. It was my childhood that led me here. Not my risk taking.

 

13 minutes ago, j1290 said:

1 hour ago, Thorin said:

Water was crystal clear. Just dumped my feet in the water every now and again and paddled around and looked at fish

This sounds amazing.  Kayaking is super cool.  

Yeah it was beautiful. Might make it a regular thing!

[j1290]

7 minutes ago, Thorin said:

Oh that’s good. My memory of coming off Effexor is anything but chill 😂

Oh I thought you meant paxilprogress, that place was chill, not much doomposting etc.  

Oh no Effexor was uhhh.. yeah.   The list of funny little stories about tapering that is small.  

[Thorin]

32 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Oh I thought you meant paxilprogress, that place was chill, not much doomposting etc.  

Oh no Effexor was uhhh.. yeah.   The list of funny little stories about tapering that is small.  

Haha I gotcha. Not much doomposting sounds freaking amazing. And yeah, **** Effexor.

[Fifree]

7 hours ago, littlebird said:

It's hard to have someone complain, not do the things you know from experience would help, then repeat the same problems... sometimes setting a boundary like that is a good learning experience. 

 

Hope you're doing well, and giving yourself grace for being a little more short of patience than usual. Glad you ranted and got it out! You're right, sometimes a good vent helps a lot. We all gotta blow off steam!

Thanks so much @littlebird  I think all is well.  But you’re right. I’ve gotta find a way to blow off steam. 

 

7 hours ago, Thorin said:

got a divorce when hypomanic

My delusions of grandeur told me if only I was free everything would be great. My internal filter broke and ruined my marriage. The paperwork came later.  

pfft. As if anything is that simple. 
 

Glad you got out on the Bay for a bit of the last of summer Thorin.  It sounds beautiful. We have rain here atm in the Sunshine State. It’s lovely though. 

 

6 hours ago, j1290 said:

Rebel without a clue

I’m thinking this for my next username… do you ever mix your Morrissey up with some of The Replacements? I’m thinking this line is from their song I’ll be You 

[j1290]

18 minutes ago, Fifree said:

I’m thinking this for my next username… do you ever mix your Morrissey up with some of The Replacements? I’m thinking this line is from their song I’ll be You 

haha thanks for the nostalgia trip!  Just watched the music video, that's a great song.   Takes me right back.   

[Fifree]

Hi there @Gridley and @brassmonkey. Can I please have a little bit of advice please?

 

All is going well so far and my psych has prescribed me the liquid escitalopram so I can manage my own taper.  So I just have a couple of questions on the switch to the liquid.

 

I have been taking Sandoz brand escitalopram tablets, but the liquid I was given at the pharmacy is Lexapro brand. So unfortunately I'm going to have to switch brand and format at the same time.

 

First I wanted to check the strength as I have seen that some people have unintentionally updosed themselves when switching to liquid because it is effectively stronger than the tablets? I definitely do not want to go backwards in the process. 

 

My tablet box says: each scored white tablet contains escitalopram 10 mg (as oxalate)

The liquid box says: escitalopram (as oxalate) 20 mg/ml

 

So it seems to me that, dose wise, since the active ingredient is in the same form (oxalate) it should be a straight forward switch mg for mg? That is, I would be aiming to switch a 10 mg tablet for 0.4 ml of the liquid.  

 

The other question relates to having to change both brand and over to the liquid at the same time.  Can you please give me some advice on switching to liquid at the same time as I'm switching my brand?

I imagine this would be to change to 2.5 mg of the liquid Lex (0.1ml) plus 7.5 of the Sandoz escitalopram (3/4 tablet) and then sitting there for a few days. Then I would go to 0.2ml of liquid Lex and 1/2 10 mg tablet, waiting and then moving to 0.3 ml liquid Lex and 1/4 10mg Sandoz tablet and then wait a few more days. Finally move over to 0.4 ml liquid Lex, hold a couple more days and then begin my taper?

 

Thanks for your help.

 

Fi

 

 

 

[Gridley]

21 minutes ago, Fifree said:

Can I please have a little bit of advice please?

I'm not good at math, and Brassmonkey is in India and likely not checking the site.  I'll contact the other staff with your questions.

[Fifree]

Thank you @Gridley for letting me know.

 

[Fifree]

I rethought this

3 hours ago, Fifree said:

 change to 2.5 mg of the liquid Lex (0.1ml) plus 7.5 of the Sandoz escitalopram (3/4 tablet) and then sitting there for a few days. Then I would go to 0.2ml of liquid Lex and 1/2 10 mg tablet, waiting and then moving to 0.3 ml liquid Lex and 1/4 10mg Sandoz tablet and then wait a few more days. Finally move over to 0.4 ml liquid Lex, hold a couple more days and then begin my taper?

 

After I posted this, I thought about it some more and it's WRONG! My dr actually wrote on my script that I should take 0.4 ml to be 10 mg, but I think he got it wrong - it should be 0.5 ml. You can't even trust them to calculate your dose correctly! 

 

So this is my cross taper plan. I'd love someone to check my logic.

 

Change	Sandoz 10 mg Escitalopram tabs		Liquid Lexapro
Starting dose	10 mg	1 tablet	0	0
Change 1	7.5 mg	¾ tablet	2.5 mg	0.125 ml
Change 2	5 mg	½ tablet	5 mg	0.25 ml
Change 3	2.5 mg	¼ tablet	7.5 mg	0.375 ml
Change 4	0	0	10 mg	0.5 ml

 

I plan to make the change over about 2 weeks.

 

Thank you.

 

[Momiki]

Hi Fiftree,

 

Your doctor may not be wrong. I'm not on escitalopram, but citalopram, but in the medical insert it says that 10 mg of tablets is equivalent to 8 mg of drops. This is because the liquid is more readily absorbed by the body. My doctor did get it wrong, he prescribed me 5 drops when I went from tablet to liquid. According to the insert it should have been 4 drops. Luckily I didn't experience a negative effect at the time. It's indeed a very good idea to check your doctors!

 

 

[Fifree]

Thanks @Momiki  I have read some unhappy stories.  I’ll get the leaflet outta the box. I’m not one to read instructions as a rule!

[Fifree]

Welp I’m getting no insight into the double switch from Sandoz tablets over to Lexapro liquid. I can’t accurately cut my tablets in 4 so I’m going to make a 1:1 liquid out of a Sandoz tablet and start my cross over. I had no issues with the homemade liquid before and hopefully that will continue.

So the plan is 

Day 1: 1 mg Lexapro liquid (1 drop!) and 9 ml Sandoz liquid

day 2: 2 drops Lex liquid and 8 ml Sandoz

Day 3: 3 drops Lex liquid and 7 ml Sandoz

Day 4: 4 drops Lex liquid and 6 ml Sandoz

…and so on until on Day 10 I’m all on Lexapro liquid for my 10 mg

 

Then I’ll wait out the rest of the 14 days and if all is well, I will resume my taper. 

 

I’m mostly excited to be moving over to the liquid. I’ll feel like a real taperer then.

any feedback is welcome. 
 

thanks

 

 

 

[littlebird]

45 minutes ago, Fifree said:

I’m mostly excited to be moving over to the liquid. I’ll feel like a real taperer then.

 

I feel like the real deal with my syringes and liquid! Which reminds me, gotta pop the bottle back in the fridge...

 

Hope your crossover is full of ease!

[Mamgu]

Hi Fifree, I've been reading your story and just wanted to jump in and give you a little high five!  I totally get that moving to liquid feels like a notable step in the process. There's something pleasing about taking a little control in this turmoil, all the little wins add up.

 

I take great care of my drugs paraphernalia, as I like to call it 😆: a box with brown glass bottles, pipettes, cylinder and of course, the dreaded but needed drug itself.

 

Hope it goes smoothly.

 

 

[Fifree]

On 3/19/2023 at 1:55 PM, littlebird said:

Hope your crossover is full of ease

 

On 3/23/2023 at 6:05 PM, Mamgu said:

Hope it goes smoothly

Thanks @littlebird and @Mamgu. It's going fine so far. 

 

Today I took 8 drops of Lexapro liquid and 2 ml of the 1:1 escitalopram liquid (I'm not really sticking to my schedule - I'm not very patient). No issues so far. I am still worried that I've accidentally updosed myself by crossing to prescription liquid but it is what it is I guess... nothing to be done about it now. You have to meet yourself where you are - wherever you are... even if you don't know where you are...

 

At least now I have the prescription liquid and can stick with it so I'm gonna be tapering down from whatever it is when I get to 10 mg of the liquid.  

 

I've been keeping pretty busy - a little too busy for my taste. I enjoy a lot of time pottering around the house on my own as a rule. Have seen two movies this week and plan to see another this afternoon. Movies are always accompanied by lunch or drinks or something. Which is lovely of course.

 

Last night I went to see Hamilton which was fabulous. Lin Manuel Miranda has been in town for a couple of days. He went and saw the local production on Wednesday night I believe. While he's here, he's making a small appearance (as a horse) in Bluey. It's made in Brisbane and is set in my part of the city. I often recognise settings when my daughter (who is 18) shows me episodes. It's a lovely little show. Would've been nice if it had been a "thing" when my kids were the right age for me to completely immerse myself in. 

 

Anyway, time to get ready for the day.

 

Go well everyone

[littlebird]

Sounds like a fun time at the show!! Ooh, good on you for getting out and having fun. I liked that one! Glad your crossover is going ok so far. Hope it's easy-peasy!

[Thorin]

4 hours ago, Fifree said:

Have seen two movies this week and plan to see another this afternoon. Movies are always accompanied by lunch or drinks or something. Which is lovely of course.

That sounds lovely. Have been very active myself lately and am enjoying a break this weekend. Need some down time!

 

4 hours ago, Fifree said:

Last night I went to see Hamilton which was fabulous. Lin Manuel Miranda has been in town for a couple of days. He went and saw the local production on Wednesday night I believe. While he's here, he's making a small appearance (as a horse) in Bluey. It's made in Brisbane and is set in my part of the city. I often recognise settings when my daughter (who is 18) shows me episodes. It's a lovely little show. Would've been nice if it had been a "thing" when my kids were the right age for me to completely immerse myself in. 

That’s very cool. Bluey is iconic. I know so many parents that watch it 😂

[Thorin]

4 hours ago, Fifree said:

now. You have to meet yourself where you are - wherever you are... even if you don't know where you are...

This. I really like this. I’m just starting to do this. Sounds like you have a lot of courage.

[Fifree]

I just wanted to jump on here and say that I'm feeling pretty optimistic after my successful drop to 10 mg of escitalopram.  Because 10mg is the dose that brought me here to SA when I cut from 20mg and experienced unmanageable withdrawal symptoms at Day 8. I stabilised back up on 15, then went to 12 for a month and now I've been on 10 for a month and I'm fine.  This proves to me that my brain/body can heal - solid evidence that 10 mg is doable. And if 10 is doable, why not 9? or 5? or 0mg? I know that's a long way off, but given enough time and caution, I'll get there. [note: I went faster than 10% at the high doses but will now be slowing it down now I'm at min therapeutic dose]

 

My switch over to liquid Lexapro is now complete and I feel fine. I sat on 8 drops of Lexapro and 2 ml of 1:1 homemade Sandoz escitalopram for a few days and then on Friday (Day 26) when I ran out of the homemade brew decided to just jump on down to 9 drops (9mg) of the Liquid Lex and forget the Sandoz stuff, because I was due to cut again on Monday anyway. Fingers crossed it's ok.

 

So here I am at 9 mg. It feels very exciting and brave to be below the minimum therapeutic dose. And I am having positive side effects as well as negative. Sorry if it's TMI but I actually have my sex drive (and function) back. I thought it was gone forever due to menopause, but nope, it was the insidious escitalopram again. What else has this shite been doing to me all these years? I can't wait to be off it. But I will wait of course. 

 

I am really keen to see if there will be other positives as I get onto lower doses. I started on 10 mg maybe 17 years ago...  It's a long time on the drug. Will I be less fatigued all the time? Will I be funnier? Less intense/more chill? Will I have the drive to get things done? I remember a time when I could just jump on into things and get them done and every project didn't seem like an Everest that I just couldn't be bothered with. I've always put my malaise down to depression and aging, but what if it's not? Wowsers. It's all pretty exciting really.