Fifree introduction

[j1290]

14 minutes ago, Fifree said:

I went to 5 mg on Monday (from 5.1, so hopefully nbd). A tiny 2% cut, but it feels like a massive milestone to get down to 5 mg and be still standing.

It's huge!  Like you said, it's a psychological milestone.   

 

15 minutes ago, Fifree said:

It was also supernice to just take those 5 drops out of one bottle without all the faffing about. Will be even easier when I switch back to tablets… 

That's huge as well.   Such a nice bonus of getting to a certain amount.  

 

17 minutes ago, Fifree said:

My psych likes to tell funny stories and be jocular - it's his schtick.

What?!?   That's a thing?  What don't they have down under?!?   Unreal.  

19 minutes ago, Fifree said:

I think he thinks I'm making up all this tapering drama.

Oh yeah, I get this look all the time 😆

20 minutes ago, Fifree said:

Today is day one on Ritalin instead of Dex. Hopefully it will go smoothly.

I don't know anything about that stuff, but it seems like it ought to work.  Please keep us posted!

 

[Thorin]

24 minutes ago, Fifree said:

went to 5 mg on Monday (from 5.1, so hopefully nbd). A tiny 2% cut, but it feels like a massive milestone to get down to 5 mg and be still standing. It lets me know that rest of it is possible. It will be long, but it will happen. It was also supernice to just take those 5 drops out of one bottle without all the faffing about. Will be even easier when I switch back to tablets… 

That is a HUGE milestone mate. I think we need to celebrate them. This stuff’s hard. Well done! You’re getting off this stuff!!!

 

25 minutes ago, Fifree said:

Thanks y'all for the nice, calm feedback (including permission to admit that the sun, moon and stars do not shine out of my children). I’m pretty convinced that I am not a monster and this phase is just is due to tapering. It is fun to think that one day in the relatively near future we will know who we really are and won't have to play this game anymore. The anhedonia is lifting now. I got through my busy day ok on Monday and didn’t yell at anyone (or at least I disguised it as good-natured Aussie ribbing).  Had dinner with my kids last night and had the usual lovely time with them.

It’s interesting what you’ve been going through with your kids in that I kinda thought the sun shone out of my daughter’s bottom, but lately she’s really been pretty crap to the people around her and I had to have a hard conversation with her about how she’s being. I handled it well but she wasn’t awesome if I’m honest. I’m realising it’s kinda a big thing to admit that sometimes your kids aren’t great. I don’t know I really got it until now but now I understand why you were struggling with it. I’m just going to say it. I love my daughter but right now she sucks. It’s both uncomfortable and gives me a bit of a rush to admit that. Glad you are able to have your usual enjoyable dinner with your kids. My kids are everything to me and I love hanging out with them usually!

 

29 minutes ago, Fifree said:

don't think he actually believed me at first, but I had printed out the relevant info from the Thailand Ministry of Public Health.

Ummmm it seems a little weird that your doctor thinks you’re making stuff up. I’d struggle with that. At least he sounds kind and like he will help if you can prove you’re not mistaken or making things up….

[Fifree]

 

 

42 minutes ago, j1290 said:

 

1 hour ago, Fifree said:

My psych likes to tell funny stories and be jocular - it's his schtick.

What?!?   That's a thing?  What don't they have down under?!?   Unreal.  

"Authoritarian" doesn't fly in Australia for the most part. If we think someone is putting themselves above us, we will let them know that that's not ok.

 

7 minutes ago, Thorin said:

lately she’s really been pretty crap to the people around her

 

I don't know how old your daughter is Thorin, but if she's anywhere between about 12 and 14, buckle up, this could be just the beginning 😟. They turn back into themselves eventually, but it can be a bit of rough ride.

 

10 minutes ago, Thorin said:

it seems a little weird that your doctor thinks you’re making stuff up

Given the clientele, I guess people making stuff up wouldn't be unheard of. He's got to deal with people seeking out drugs (stimulants are very popular!) as well as people with delusions, and garden-variety drama queens (and other monarchs). In this case though, I think he thought I was mistaken rather than that I was making stuff up. As far as he's concerned Dex and Ritalin are pretty much interchangeable. With the tapering, I think he is just mystified by it. He would be happy, I think, if I just stayed on 5 mg. I might not even tell him when I resume tapering. I've stockpiled 3 bottles of liquid Lex and that will hopefully see me through as my doses get down to tiny levels.

[Thorin]

11 minutes ago, Fifree said:

don't know how old your daughter is Thorin, but if she's anywhere between about 12 and 14, buckle up, this could be just the beginning 😟. They turn back into themselves eventually, but it can be a bit of rough ride.

She’s 17.5. 12-16 were rough 😬😂

 

12 minutes ago, Fifree said:

Given the clientele, I guess people making stuff up wouldn't be unheard of. He's got to deal with people seeking out drugs (stimulants are very popular!) as well as people with delusions, and garden-variety drama queens (and other monarchs). In this case though,

Good point 

 

12 minutes ago, Fifree said:

As far as he's concerned Dex and Ritalin are pretty much interchangeable.

They’re not. Dex has little to no effect on my daughter and Ritalin has none at all. Vyvanse works for her.

 

13 minutes ago, Fifree said:

I might not even tell him when I resume tapering. I've stockpiled 3 bottles of liquid Lex and that will hopefully see me through as my doses get down to tiny levels.

Many people seem to do this. The doctor doesn’t really need to know does he? My psych just prescribes what I ask for (in a supportive way) and is supportive of me coming off meds. But I don’t think that’s the norm…

[littlebird]

1 hour ago, j1290 said:

1 hour ago, Fifree said:

My psych likes to tell funny stories and be jocular - it's his schtick.

What?!?   That's a thing?  What don't they have down under?!?   Unreal.  

Plus there's tea??!! Dang John, we gotta emigrate to kinder shores.

 

31 minutes ago, Fifree said:

1 hour ago, Thorin said:

lately she’s really been pretty crap to the people around her

 

I don't know how old your daughter is Thorin, but if she's anywhere between about 12 and 14, buckle up, this could be just the beginning 😟. They turn back into themselves eventually, but it can be a bit of rough ride.

Every kid I know who grows into a teenager at some point makes me think, "Oh, this is why y'all got shipped off to learn a trade as an apprentice or go on a quest around this age." 

 

1 hour ago, Thorin said:

I’m realising it’s kinda a big thing to admit that sometimes your kids aren’t great.

Seems like it's important, just like with any relationship in our lives, to talk about it sometimes and not have to sugar-coat. Kids are hard!

 

48 minutes ago, Fifree said:

"Authoritarian" doesn't fly in Australia for the most part. If we think someone is putting themselves above us, we will let them know that that's not ok.

Holy mackerel, this sounds great. I've had some doctors who definitely had the god complex! 

[littlebird]

Oh, forgot to say, hope the switchover goes smoothly @Fifree!! 🤞

[Fifree]

32 minutes ago, Thorin said:

She’s 17.5.

Oh that explains it. She knows everything rn. it must be very frustrating dealing with so many people who don’t know everything.  😂😉 hopefully she’ll settle a bit once school is done. Does she have schoolies planned on the Gold Coast?

[littlebird]

1 minute ago, Fifree said:

38 minutes ago, Thorin said:

She’s 17.5.

Oh that explains it. She knows everything rn. it must be very frustrating dealing with so many people who don’t know everything.  😂😉 hopefully she’ll settle a bit once school is done. Does she have schoolies planned on the Gold Coast?

Ohhhhhh almost grown!!! Yup, that'll do it. 

 

Just googled schoolies, what?? Australia is amazing 😭

[j1290]

1 minute ago, littlebird said:

Just googled schoolies, what?? Australia is amazing 😭

Same and same.  I'm sure they have plenty of problems($30 USD ciggies) but they have a lot of nice things right. 

 

Been watching livestreams in discount Australia(New Zealand) and seen more mullets than I knew anybody wore.  NGL, they're growing on me.  👱  'bird we gotta move!

 

 

[littlebird]

3 minutes ago, j1290 said:

I'm sure they have plenty of problems($30 USD ciggies) but they have a lot of nice things right. 

Thank you for reminding me I need to quit smoking before I check out Australia!

 

Can't remember if I shared down under's Froderick before. 

 

5 minutes ago, j1290 said:

'bird we gotta move!

I think the benefits would outweigh the wild times we'd have to take overseas meetings.

 

5 minutes ago, j1290 said:

seen more mullets than I knew anybody wore.  NGL, they're growing on me.

Ha! I live in an area inundated with mullets, they made a strong comeback. Go for it!!

[Thorin]

29 minutes ago, Fifree said:

Oh that explains it. She knows everything rn. it must be very frustrating dealing with so many people who don’t know everything.  😂😉 hopefully she’ll settle a bit once school is done. Does she have schoolies planned on the Gold Coast?

Haha yes she does know everything. Apparently she’s much smarter than everyone else 🙄. Finishing year 11 this year but is going away for her first holiday without family in a few weeks. She’s going to Noosa. No doubt there will be plenty of drinking and other things I’m not going to think about 😂. Am I jealous? Well I don’t want to hang with teenagers but yes a nice holiday up north would be nice…

[Fifree]

13 minutes ago, j1290 said:

more mullets than I knew anybody wore

Yeah I think they started off ironic, but now they’re just back baby. I’m rocking something of a mullet myself atm. After last disastrous haircut, I’m just letting it grow. Reliving a little early 80s glory. Bring back that Flock of Seagulls John!

 

9 minutes ago, littlebird said:

I need to quit smoking before I check out Australia

This is how it works. It’s so expensive to smoke here people just quit. Who knew these policies could have positive impacts internationally? There are also hideous graphic  compulsory warnings printed all over the packets. You have to be really committed to smoke here!

[Thorin]

35 minutes ago, littlebird said:

Ohhhhhh almost grown!!! Yup, that'll do it. 

 

Just googled schoolies, what?? Australia is amazing 😭

Nearly 18! Schoolies has a pretty bad reputation actually. I’m sure the kids have fun though

[Thorin]

33 minutes ago, littlebird said:

 

Can't remember if I shared down under's Froderick before. 

Wut? Froderick is awesome! Glad you shared that. I’ll be following. He got a friend!

[j1290]

27 minutes ago, littlebird said:

Can't remember if I shared down under's Froderick before. 

Oh my gosh I want to hug, pet, and feed all those creatures.  That was way cooler than I expected from a TikTok.   

 

28 minutes ago, littlebird said:

Ha! I live in an area inundated with mullets, they made a strong comeback. Go for it!!

Oooooooh maybe I don't ever leave the house!   That's a real possibility.   If I ever get out from under this rock I'll look around and see if I can spot some.   Not sure I have the right hair for it, but it would be super cool.  

 

10 minutes ago, Fifree said:

Yeah I think they started off ironic, but now they’re just back baby.

That wouldn't surprise me a bit.  Now I'm a little jealous I never wore one.  

 

12 minutes ago, Fifree said:

After last disastrous haircut, I’m just letting it grow. Reliving a little early 80s glory.

haha cooooooool!   BRB, spiking my hair.   There's a bar in LA where it's still the Glam Rock crowd.  Wish I'd gone there more.   

 

3 minutes ago, Thorin said:

Wut? Froderick is awesome! Glad you shared that. I’ll be following. He got a friend!

I just saw some archived livestreams on twitch. For my money, the possum steals the show, even though it isn't cute like your bushtail type.   

 

[Thorin]

1 hour ago, j1290 said:

just saw some archived livestreams on twitch. For my money, the possum steals the show, even though it isn't cute like your bushtail type.   

This is the best! Is the possum one you’re talking about the ‘unknown Dazza’ one?

[j1290]

9 hours ago, Thorin said:

This is the best! Is the possum one you’re talking about the ‘unknown Dazza’ one?

Yeah that's the one!   This whole project turned out really neat.  I know people who 3d print, I bet it took a whoooooole lot of work to create that frog palace.  very skillfully done.  

[Fifree]

15 hours ago, j1290 said:

16 hours ago, Thorin said:

Wut? Froderick is awesome! Glad you shared that. I’ll be following. He got a friend!

I just saw some archived livestreams on twitch. For my money, the possum steals the show, even though it isn't cute like your bushtail type.   

 

Froderick is awesome @littlebird. I just love those green tree frogs and I love Froderick's landlord too for making all those amazing improvements to his house.

 

While you're "between engagements" @j1290 have you considered getting a 3d printer and turning your creativity to squirrel homes? You could become tiktok famous and not even need to go back to the coal mine.

 

@Thorin if you need anyone to drive up to Noosa while your daughter is there and and bring the scary mum vibes, I'll do it 😆. Also there are a lot of amazing package deals going atm Thorin. I'll bet you could have a lovely holiday in the sun for cheap rn.

 

[Fifree]

It's Day 9 on 5 mg.  Look at meeee! I'm so chuffed to be at 5 mg even tho I know I still have a very long way to go.

 

My current challenge is the switch back to tablets. The pharmacies have been supplying Lexapro brand liquid, but tablets are always whatever generic they're carrying. So once again I have to switch both brands and format at the same time. I didn't have a problem when I switched from tablets to liquid, so hopefully it will be smooth sailing in the other direction too. Just being cautious as I figure a change from brand-name to generic is more likely to cause problems than generic to brand-name. So I took a tablet this morning and I will take drops for the next two days, then tablet, then drops for two days and so on, so I gradually switch over. My mood will no doubt dictate the length of time I spend on this. Hopefully I'll be well-settled on 5mg generic tablets in a month or so. 

 

Have abandoned changes to the Dex for the time being. My CNS has enough to deal with, with the SSRI liquid/tablet/brand/generic switch. I'm glad I've come to my senses on that anyway. My mood is now back to normal which is a relief. 

 

My car, that cost $800 to fix last week, has its engine light on again, so obvs whatever they fixed last time wasn't it. The next thing they're going to try will cost $900. I haven't booked it in yet... Sigh. It still goes.  

 

[manymoretodays]

16 hours ago, Fifree said:

It's Day 9 on 5 mg.  Look at meeee! I'm so chuffed to be at 5 mg even tho I know I still have a very long way to go.

 

Congratulations to you FiFree!  I'm chuffed with and for you too!  Neato!

 

I didn't read back, as to why you are switching back to tablets and can appreciate your cautions.  Did you experience a shift when you last switched formulations from tablets to liquid?  Do you have to switch?  I know liquids make it a bit tougher to travel with, and all.......or it might be more costly.  Anyway....  If it's working don't change it comes to mind if it IS giving you too much worry.

 

Did you go from 5 mg once a day to three times a day with the dextroamphetamine?  Am I reading that correctly in your signature.  Is this working out for you?  Same dose, same times each day?  Was this something prior to late 2022 or December last, that you had taken a stimulant 3X/ day.  And no need to answer if this annoys you, or you'd just rather not right now....discuss it.  I don't mean to probe.

Just something about the stimulants really, that I do feel they can and do throw off moods in some.....as they did with me......made it hard to stabilize.  That's my concern is all.  That maybe a Lexapro tapering hold and work on the dextroamphetamine  after some time, might benefit you overall?  I don't know what you think on that.  And I know you like to be self managing too.  I think it might always be worth re-visiting a potential stimulant taper though.

Any idea which seems more accelerating.....the escitalopram or dextroamphetamine? 

 

I'm glad your mood feels pretty level.  Yay.  And a huge milestone now met, at 5 mg of Lexapro.  The festivities begin or continue!!

 

.....a little something celebratory on your 5 mg!  Hmmm, what would you like? (I do a fairy godmother thing...lol......you'll find it under your pillow when you least expect).

 

On other notes, you know........I'm like increasingly content where I am at right now.  So much of that pressure feeling in the past years of....."I need to down size, move, de-clutter, blah, blah, blah" has let up.  Meantime, little things are getting done and thank goodness.  I like this Swedish Death Cleaning concept now.  And I'd link you, but the choices that come up to look at are many.....so I'll leave that to you.  It's not really dark and death focused either.  It's just a cool way to look at it......you'll see. 

I'm having some fun in the doing department too, the doing some of the chores and such.  Important to have fun at them.  I think. 

 

It comes and goes......the utter contentment now.  Of course there are challenges.  I keep focusing though on what is important and what comes next and before I know it, I'm doing it.  I need to get a passport for one.  Last done.....decades ago.  I leave a post it in the kitchen with "passport and peer respite(to keep making noise about the need for one around here)"   And somehow, seeing that post it, keeps a couple things front and center to do more on, or get to, speak up with others about, etc..  It worked with a couple more basic hopes.  So here's hoping.  Of course, me and getting my passport are the obvious will happen sooner. 

 

And best, in all,

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

 

 

[Fifree]

Well hello @manymoretodays. It is always a treat when you drop by.  I'm glad that you are feeling better yourself after a bit of rough patch.

 

4 hours ago, manymoretodays said:

why you are switching back to tablets and can appreciate your cautions.  Did you experience a shift when you last switched formulations from tablets to liquid?  Do you have to switch?  I know liquids make it a bit tougher to travel with

I decided to have a long hold at 5 mg of Lex just to have a break from the tapering circus and to make absolutely sure that I'm stable before I continue into the hard(er) part. Part of my reward is not having to feel like an amateur chemist every morning by measuring out drops. Half a tablet each morning just feels soooooo easy after that.

 

As well as that, I am going to Thailand in October, and fiddling about with odd doses and liquids, in a place where you can't drink the water, is not ideal. My trip is also the reason I have to change my "salts" as you call them. I have not had any issues with dex- it makes me feel calm and my insomnia has improved, but it is prohibited in Thailand. So I have to find an alternative before I go.  

 

4 hours ago, manymoretodays said:

5 mg once a day to three times a day with the dextroamphetamine?

Correct. I trialled it at 5mg once a day in Dec 22 and it was lifechanging (for me) and is the reason I felt that I wanted to get off Lexapro. So in Jan 23, dr put it up to 5 mg x 3 a day. I take it at 7:30, 11:30 and 3. I briefly cut it back to 2.5mg x 3 a day in preparation for my trip to Thailand, but my mood fell in the toilet - it was too fast.

 

4 hours ago, manymoretodays said:

.....a little something celebratory on your 5 mg!  Hmmm, what would you like?

I would like a trip to Thailand please! See that was the plan... once I got to 5 mg and had a big hold I could do something fun. I had anticipated that I would be stable on 5 mg tablets and have a nice holiday. But when I looked into the drug laws (just checking what paperwork I'd have to do) I discovered I couldn't take dex to Thailand at all! So here we are, trying to figure it out in a less than ideal timeframe. Either way I am holding Lex for a couple/few months and will decide what to do next, taper wise, after the break.

 

4 hours ago, manymoretodays said:

So much of that pressure feeling in the past years of....."I need to down size, move, de-clutter, blah, blah, blah" has let up

That is really good to hear. I have been looking around a little at smaller places, but by the time you spend all the money to make the shift (stamp duty and real estate commission and all the rest) it hardly seems worth the effort.  I just end up with a smaller house (or unit/apartment) and hardly any extra $ cos I'd have to pay so much out in the process... I've also been getting things fixed up around my place. It's expensive, but it feels good to not be worrying about every little quirk that my house has. 

 

I've heard about the Swedish Death Clean. I aspire to do it... but haven't yet. I am doing sorting tho... getting similar types of clutter all in the same place. I think it's the decent thing to do for your offspring...  In recent years my family has had to deal with my Mum's place as well as her two sisters - neither of whom had children of their own. So we know a lot about clutter!

 

4 hours ago, manymoretodays said:

I need to get a passport for one.  Last done.....decades ago.  I leave a post it in the kitchen

It sounds like you're in a good place mmt. Where are you planning to travel to? 

 

Thanks again for stopping by 

 

[Aveju]

Congrats on getting down to 5 mg!!! The end is in sight 😀  

I hope you have an amazing time in Thailand!

[Fifree]

Thanks for dropping by and the good wishes @Aveju  I checked out your thread, and you are doing amazingly well. I know it’s feels so long, but look how far you have come - down from 200 to 8.5. I am very optimistic that you’ll get there my friend. Go well 

[Fifree]

Day 11 on 5mg. Today was another day of lexapro drops. Will take 1/2 generic tablet tomorrow. Seems to be going ok so far. Mood is still good.

 

I need to vent a little about PainKiller on Netflix. I don't know if anyone else has watched it yet, but I found it incredibly horrifying... I binged all six episodes in one night. The evil drug company; the horrific marketing techniques; How is that allowed??? The FDA guy and all the doctors who were able to be bought off by Perdue. OMG. I feel like I have to go and bleach my brain after seeing that semi-fictionalised version of events play out. It's all just so morally bankrupt. I had not seen Dopesick or The Crime of the Century (previous shows on this issue) so I wasn't really aware of the extent of the opioid crisis. I only see stuff in passing and read that fentanyl is now being manufactured illegally and being slipped into other drugs to give them a boost. 

 

I know the opioid epidemic is far from over in the states, and with illicit fentanyl entering the supply chain, how will it ever end? I feel kind of naive and stupid for not being aware of how these drugs were approved and marketed to doctors. These shows don't even touch on the horrors of all the other drugs big pharma has managed to push on us (as all of us here know too well). There is no advertising allowed here of prescription medications thank heavens, but I'm just.... just... I wonder if there'll be dramatisations in the future of the evils of SSRIs, antipsychotics, SNRIs etc etc

 

Anyway, I'm fine. I just needed to put this horror somewhere. 

 

 

Gratitude time  I'm grateful for/that:

 

😱      I have recovered from my anhedonia. That was wild. I've never experienced it before and am not keen to go back there anytime

👧🏻👧🏻My kids will be here for dinner tonight and I'm looking forward to it!

⏱️     My new watch arrived in the mail today - It's an analogue watch so it looks pretty (imo) but it can also measure your activity, ECG, SPO send you notifications. All that cool stuff. I love gadgets

🧁     The worst of my sugar detox is over (I think). I'm on Day 4 and had some serious cravings last night but they seem to have abated today. I feel really hungry though! 

🥦     Glad to be feeling a bit more like making an effort for my physical health. I haven't had the focus for a while.

 

Wishing you all windows

 

 

 

[littlebird]

14 hours ago, Fifree said:

I feel kind of naive and stupid for not being aware of how these drugs were approved and marketed to doctors.

Oh yeah, my mom fell prey to this years ago with "nonaddictive" opioids. Thankfully she's off them now, but that addiction got real shockingly quickly. She was talking about picking some OTC painkillers while she was in another country recently and I lowkey begged her to reconsider. Dangerous stuff!

 

14 hours ago, Fifree said:

😱      I have recovered from my anhedonia. That was wild. I've never experienced it before and am not keen to go back there anytime

Oh thank goodness, it's a terrible feeling. Will make you question all sorts of relationships/life choices/etc too. So glad it passed, what a relief!

 

14 hours ago, Fifree said:

🧁     The worst of my sugar detox is over (I think). I'm on Day 4 and had some serious cravings last night but they seem to have abated today. I feel really hungry though! 

I know I need to do this, but sugar is my oldest addiction and it's honestly scary to think about stopping cold turkey like that. Kudos to you for kicking it! Have you found any snacks that help you get through cravings?

[Fifree]

6 hours ago, littlebird said:

my mom fell prey to this years ago with "nonaddictive" opioids

Oh no LB. That is horrifying. Glad she got off them. They must still have their hooks in her a little if she was tempted while out of the country. Glad you talked her off that ledge!

 

6 hours ago, littlebird said:

I need to do this

Y’ know, you don’t need to do this. Unless you have diabetes or something. My head’s just in the right spot for it atm.
 

6 hours ago, littlebird said:

sugar is my oldest addiction

 

Me and sugar go way back too, but she’s not a great friend to me. She doesn’t always have my best interests at heart. It’s great when she comes around sometimes when I’m stuck and need a pick me up. But if I let her in too often, before I know it, she’s moved in all her stuff and she’s rearranging the furniture. She leaves a mess everywhere (aka high cholesterol, high blood sugar, bloated belly, spots). I have to have boundaries with sugar or she just takes over. She’s actually kinda manipulative, but she definitely helped me out a lot over the last few months. 
 

I’m still eating some fruit cos it has all sorts of other good stuff in it, but chocolate, lollies, (candy) ice-cream, biscuits (cookies) and cake are all on the outs w me atm. 

[Fifree]

Day 13 5 mg. Having one of those days where I'm asking myself: Did I actually take my Lex this morning?  I hate that... I was distracted because today is first day of trying out Vyvanse to replace dex. Hopefully it will be smooth. They end up as the same thing once your body has processed it.

 

Still feeling good mood-wise... I have an assignment due this weekend and I am struggling to focus on it though. I often use food to help me focus, which is not ideal. Need to get some carrot sticks in here to snack on. It would be a waste to have got thru the sugar WD only to screw it up now cos I have an assignment. It certainly wouldn't be the first time though. 

 

Gratitude though:

🚗     My car is fixed and there wasn't actually anything wrong with it. It needed a software update (which still cost $400). Modern cars are kind of crazy.

👍🏻     My dr is listening to me when I tell him I am sensitive to medication so he's starting me on low dose of Vyvanse (to replace dex). Good doctor!

 💊     I got the last box of 20 mg Vyvanse in captivity (I don't know what is going on with all these med shortages)

👧🏻🐶My children and pups are well. I love them so much 

💀     My anhedonia is gone gone gone

 

 

 

[j1290]

1 hour ago, Fifree said:

 I got the last box of 20 mg Vyvanse in captivity (I don't know what is going on with all these med shortages)

OMG these shortages are unbelievable.  I've seen so many people on Reddit ask for advice on what to do.   Glad you scored it!

 

1 hour ago, Fifree said:

Day 13 5 mg. Having one of those days where I'm asking myself: Did I actually take my Lex this morning?  I hate that... I was distracted because today is first day of trying out Vyvanse to replace dex. Hopefully it will be smooth. They end up as the same thing once your body has processed it.

Ooofah!  I was never good at remembering if I took a dose or not.  I used to do it so routinely I'd forget a minute later.  

[manymoretodays]

On 9/5/2023 at 12:00 AM, Fifree said:

It sounds like you're in a good place mmt. Where are you planning to travel to? 

 

Hi, okay then......I'll put Thailand under your pillow! 

 

Me, I've got my sights set on Finland, as so much of my family going back, comes from there.  I was kind of thinking Mexico too, as it's been years........but likely I'll prioritize Hawaii though, over Mexico......it just still sounds so unsettled and unsafe there still---Mexico does.  AND I've always wanted to go to Kauai.  Don't ask me why Kauai......I don't know, just stuck on it.

Likely years in the planning, with Finland and maybe additional destinations.  The U.S. travel will come sooner.  I do have family to go see as well, some closer, some across the country......so I don't know.  Maybe every 6 months.....I should go somewhere?  Money is tight, but better than it used to be.....so that is good.

 

My current car is going good, without any extra expenses, and home maintenance is coming along.  I'm hoping to get a bathroom update this fall too.

 

But all is well.

 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

[littlebird]

18 hours ago, Fifree said:

It needed a software update (which still cost $400). Modern cars are kind of crazy.

That's a dang thing? So grateful for our low-tech car now.

 

18 hours ago, Fifree said:

I don't know what is going on with all these med shortages)

I remember seeing awhile ago that a lot of base chemicals are made overseas, China produces something like 90% of the base chemicals. A researcher was warning that when covid mitigations went away in Chinese factories, we'd be seeing years-long supply chain repercussions in all sorts of industries but most notably pharmaceutical.

 

Who knows, could be any number of factors! Hope you're able to supply more when you get back. So excited for you to travel!!! Hope you tell us all about it.

[j1290]

7 minutes ago, littlebird said:

That's a dang thing? So grateful for our low-tech car now.

😂 yeah that's what I said!  I don't think my car will be needing any software updates at this time 🤣  

9 minutes ago, littlebird said:

A researcher was warning that when covid mitigations went away in Chinese factories, we'd be seeing years-long supply chain repercussions in all sorts of industries but most notably pharmaceutical.

I didn't even realize till I started buying generics out of pocket that so many are made outside the US.   I thought they were made here, for some reason.  

 

12 minutes ago, littlebird said:

So excited for you to travel!!! Hope you tell us all about it.

I can't wait to hear either, sounds so fun!

[Mamgu]

Great to see 5mg is going well for you, I love hitting these little milestones, it helps psychologically in a process that messes with our logical thinking.

 

I feel your car pain, I took my car in to have the power steering fixed, only to be told it's not worth it, given all the other work it'll need to pass an MOT, which is due this month.  So now I am car-less until payday!

[Fifree]

Day 17 on 5 mg

 

Hanging out here on 5mg and seem to be ok. Yesterday I went very close to taking Lexapro twice. Sometimes I wonder how I made it to this age... I shouldn't be allowed out on my own. The near-error was because I am currently switching back and forth between tablets and drops for varying periods. I've been on drops for a while now and I got in the habit of measuring out my drops into half a glass of water, which I then use to wash down my Dex. Yesterday I got my half a Lex tablet and then nearly added Lex drops to the water out of habit. 🤪 Realised just in time. Last week I did two days of drops to one day on tablet. This week I am alternating drops and tablet (hopefully 🙄).

 

Mood has been ok-ish although some irritability well and truly showed up on the weekend. Not as severe or as enduring as it has been, but def NSFOP (not safe for other people). I really called someone out on something they were doing that was self-sabotaging. I'd done a tedious admin task for them that they'd been using as an excuse not to do something. Then they started coming up with more excuses and I just snapped "Just ****ing send it!" So that was outta line. It was good advice, but it was outta line. If they want to **** up their financial future, it's not my business. I've since read that trauma can cause people to do this kind of self-sabotaging stuff (I somehow wandered onto the children of alcoholic parents website). It's just hard to watch and listen to sometimes when you're doing everything you can to help. Anyway they'd sent the paperwork off by the end of the day. 

 

So I do have to watch myself. The irritability was only for one day but it really snuck up on me unfortunately (the above happened at a social breakfast). It was accompanied by a little social anhedonia too but not around the kids so that's important. I skipped trivia this week cos that could've been ugly.

 

Concentration is really off so I've gone back to dex and am just gonna stay on it until I've settled on these Lex tablets. Too many changes for my poor brain to handle I think. I have a month before I go away, an assignment to finish, an exam to do (and to study for!), two weekends away, two book clubs (one is mainly social and the other is mostly about actual books), and child No 2 has to get her wisdom teeth out. And other stuff too. I'm still looking to move house and I spend a lot of time mulling over where and how I want to live, and pouring over realestate.com.au 

 

So back to the assignment. (I know a thing or two myself about self-sabotage). I will finish it today and then I can get on with the rest of the stuff I need to do! It does not need to be perfect. Threes get degrees as they say (that's on a scale of 1-7).

 

Gratitude for today is mostly about tapering stuff

 

5️⃣    I like so much to reflect on being at 5 mg . Will save thoughts of how far I still have to go until after I've had a good break

 ⏱️   I don't have any really horrible side effects from Lex so I can take my time

🚙    Sometimes anhedonia can be a bit of blessing. The light on my dashboard is on AGAIN, but since my mood is leaning towards IDGAF it's not really bothering me

🕸️    This website again for helping me to identify symptoms so I know when to take it easy

 💊    I've had enough symptoms to understand, but they've never been so bad or so enduring that they've ruined my life

🛑    The urgency to GET OFF has really left me now.

 

 

[Fifree]

Day 19 on 5 mg and all is well. Today I had my last couple of vaccinations (Covid booster and rabies no. 3) so I’ll try and take it easy over the weekend. Glad to have all those shots over with. There was recently an article on the news about all the dumb Australians who get bitten by animals in SEAsia so I’m glad I’ve got my rabies vax. 
 

Alternating 1/2 tablet generic escitaloprm w 5 drops of Lex each day and no ill effects so far. Finding it pretty tedious tbh, but it’s probably worth it. I don’t need any trouble. I have last subject at uni to finish and my trip coming up, so I’ll take it easy. Next week will be 2 days tablets and one day drops. Then I’ll switch to just tablets and hopefully my tapering holiday will be underway. Haven’t decided how long to hold yet. Maybe until the end of the year; at least until the end of October which would be 9-10 weeks. Nice. 
 

 

[Fifree]

Day 27 on 5 mg and I am fine.

 

Today was my last day of Lex drops until I resume tapering some time in the future. Tempted to have a break until the end of the year, but I'll see how I feel after my holiday (trip). It would be nice to just relax through the festive season, but I may get impatient to make more progress. 4 mg by the end of the year sounds like a nice goal...

 

Anyway, my tapering holiday has officially begun and I will just take half a 10mg tab each morning. So super easy. Bought myself a pill cutter and just chop a couple in half every few days. It's so super simple. I'm going to enjoy my break from med changes so much. As well as finishing that crossover, my 15 mg dex has now been successfully replaced with 40 mg Vyvanse with no ill effects, so it's great to have that sorted out too. And 40mg Vyvanse is technically a lower dose than 15 mg Dex so that's a little win too in the fight against meds.

 

I got my assignment finished and submitted a week or so back and have caught up on watching all my lectures online. This week I'm focussing on finishing all the reading and studying for the exam which I have to do within the next 2 weeks (I think). It's an open-book, online exam which you can do anytime in the exam block. Once you press the "start exam" button, you're on the clock and the system just kicks you out at the end of the period whether you're finished or not. Not ideal for a champion procrastinator like me. Terrifying as in-person exams are in big venues like conference centres etc, I always got such an adrenaline rush out of them that I could hyper focus like a warrior and smash those answers out. Plus there's no distractions in those places. At home, I'm in danger of wandering off to make a cup of tea, put a load of washing on or pull some weeds out. Plus my youngest just had four wisdom teeth out yesterday and will be home pretty much all the time for the next week. 😦 They're very distracting too - wanders in for a chat/hug at any time (lovely except in the middle of an exam), need to cook mushy food for them, and I'm trying very hard to discourage them from taking their heavy duty painkillers.

 

Gonna have to come up with a strategy and also pray for flawless internet connectivity that day....  

 

Study time.

[Thorin]

45 minutes ago, Fifree said:

I got my assignment finished and submitted a week or so back and have caught up on watching all my lectures online. This week I'm focussing on finishing all the reading and studying for the exam which I have to do within the next 2 weeks (I think). It's an open-book, online exam which you can do anytime in the exam block. Once you press the "start exam" button, you're on the clock and the system just kicks you out at the end of the period whether you're finished or not. Not ideal for a champion procrastinator like me. Terrifying as in-person exams are in big venues like conference centres etc, I always got such an adrenaline rush out of them that I could hyper focus like a warrior and smash those answers out.

I feel this and can relate to that rush of panic/fear that gets you through the in-person exams. It used to make my mind a little sharper I think…. I’ve no doubt you’ll do well on the exam…..

 

46 minutes ago, Fifree said:

😦 They're very distracting too - wanders in for a chat/hug at any time (lovely except in the middle of an exam), need to cook mushy food for them, and I'm trying very hard to discourage them from taking their heavy duty painkillers.

That sounds kinda nice actually but would be hard if they don’t respect exam time. I love it when my kids, more my son, wander up for a hug. Always makes me feel good. It’s nice to be needed and loved! I’m getting a wisdom tooth out Monday (last health thing for a while). I hope the painkillers they’ve got are good!

 

48 minutes ago, Fifree said:

Anyway, my tapering holiday has officially begun and I will just take half a 10mg tab each morning. So super easy. Bought myself a pill cutter and just chop a couple in half every few days. It's so super simple. I'm going to enjoy my break from med changes so much. As well as finishing that crossover, my 15 mg dex has now been successfully replaced with 40 mg Vyvanse with no ill effects, so it's great to have that sorted out too. And 40mg Vyvanse is technically a lower dose than 15 mg Dex so that's a little win too in the fight against meds.

Sounds like everything’s neatly falling into place. I’m glad. Bet your holiday is amazing. You deserve this break! Down to 5mg! Legend