Fifree introduction

[j1290]

 

 

3 hours ago, Fifree said:

At any rate, I'm staying put on 7 mg until after my trip to FNQ - Great Barrier Reef, Daintree Forest etc. I haven't had a trip away in ages so I do not want to stuff it up under any circumstances. I'm feeling fine atm so bring it on.

Sounds like a great plan.   I'm totally jealous of your trip, sounds amazing and I can't wait to hear all about it!   

[littlebird]

10 hours ago, j1290 said:

Sounds like a great plan.   I'm totally jealous of your trip, sounds amazing and I can't wait to hear all about it!   

Seconded. Us Americans with limited leave love a good vacation story and living vicariously, please and thank you!

[Fifree]

Time for an update.

 

I had a great trip to Far North Queensland (that's the pointy bit on the top right hand side of Australia). My outdoorsy daughter who came with me and I got on great and shared the driving. The indoorsy daughter successfully stayed home alone and kept herself and the dogs alive and well. I saw crocodiles, cassowaries, a million parrots, kingfishers, ulysses butterflies. I learned a bit more about First Nations culture through some wonderful indigenous tours, snorkelled and rafted down the Mossman River, did lots of bush walks. I went on trains and gondola rides and did yoga on the beach. It was great and so good to get a change of scene for me and the stressed out daughter.

 

About halfway through the trip I decided to do another cut because I knew it wouldn't catch up with me for at least a week. I didn't have the equipment to do a precise cut so dropped to 6 drops/mg. Today is Day 10 on 6 mg and I'm feeling fine so far which is very encouraging. A couple of hot flushes at yoga yesterday but overall ok.  I'll take it easy over the next week in the physical activity department. I have a bit of busy weekend coming up so I will try and keep an eye on myself and check myself if I find myself getting irritable or anxious. If I have to, I'll go home early or feign a headache so I don't burn any bridges.

 

Hopefully things will continue to go smoothly and I'll sit out my 28 days happily and then see where I am.

 

More windows to all of you.

 

 

[j1290]

Sounds like a spectacular trip and taper management.   Nicely done and more windows to you too!

[Fifree]

It’s day 12 and this cut seems to be going ridiculously well so far…. I’ve had a little irritability but nothing too major so far. Mostly I’ve been able to laugh at myself. I’m tired but ok.  I had one brief flash of swimmy head on Saturday where I felt like I was about to fall off the stool I was sitting on, but it was very brief and isolated. 
 

I’ve had a busy (by my standards) weekend. I spent Saturday at Winernats drag racing. I’d never been and thought it might be something different - good bogan fun.  Dress code = black jeans and black hoodie. It was actually kinda boring and very loud and I don’t understand the rules. Anyway, it was a beautiful day weather-wise and I had a great excuse to stick my earplugs in and not talk to anyone. Ideal for being there yet not at the same time. Today I had book club brunch (had to spend last night making my bring-a-plate contribution). This afternoon I took m’girls to see Spice World on the big screen. So much fun. They both loved it as kids. 
 

So I’m feeling optimistic for this cut. Not generally outta the woods until day 22 in my experience, but so far so good.

 

 

 

[Carmie]

@Fifree It made me smile when you said your cut seems to be going ridiculously well😁. I’m happy for you. 
 

Looks like you’re having lots of fun too. Good for you!💛

[Fifree]

Irritability is with me again on day 14. Today I went to an immersive Monet/impressionist exhibition and was seriously annoyed with everyone there including my dear sister who came along with me. It could be worse and I didn't do anything regrettable, but it sure is uncomfortable to feel that way. Sigh.  

 

Tomorrow is pretty much free which is a very good thing I think. Shrek needs a day alone in the Swamp.

 

 

[Fifree]

accidental triple post deleted

 

 

[Fifree]

accidental triple post deleted

 

 

[Thorin]

14 minutes ago, Fifree said:

Shrek needs a day alone in the Swamp.

So good 😂

[j1290]

22 minutes ago, Fifree said:

It could be worse and I didn't do anything regrettable, but it sure is uncomfortable to feel that way.

It's super uncomfortable, especially when I get to the point I annoy myself🤪.  That said, if you didn't owe any apologies or explanations by the end of the night, I'd chalk that up in the W column 😎

[Fifree]

Thanks @Thorin and @j1290. I will chalk it up as a win. I didn't actually yell at anyone. I did mutter under my breath a bit though. I shudder to think what I'd be like if I came off this stuff any faster. I think I'd better keep as low a profile as possible for a few days. Next major social outing is Saturday. Hopefully the worst will be past by then... 

[Thorin]

11 minutes ago, Fifree said:

Thanks @Thorin and @j1290. I will chalk it up as a win. I didn't actually yell at anyone. I did mutter under my breath a bit though. I shudder to think what I'd be like if I came off this stuff any faster. I think I'd better keep as low a profile as possible for a few days. Next major social outing is Saturday. Hopefully the worst will be past by then... 

something i’m learning is it’s not how you feel that makes you the person you are, it’s how you treat others. The fact that feeling irritable bothers you says a lot about your character! I know it’s not easy but you’re doing well!

[littlebird]

9 hours ago, Fifree said:

was seriously annoyed with everyone there including my dear sister who came along with me. It could be worse and I didn't do anything regrettable, but it sure is uncomfortable to feel that way. Sigh.

Oof, so uncomfortable to feel that way. Hard to tell what feels worse: keeping it in or acting on it. There's no winning!

 

8 hours ago, j1290 said:

It's super uncomfortable, especially when I get to the point I annoy myself🤪.  That said, if you didn't owe any apologies or explanations by the end of the night, I'd chalk that up in the W column 😎

Great point! 

 

6 hours ago, Fifree said:

will chalk it up as a win. I didn't actually yell at anyone. I did mutter under my breath a bit though. I shudder to think what I'd be like if I came off this stuff any faster.

A little muttering is great! W for sure.

 

6 hours ago, Fifree said:

I think I'd better keep as low a profile as possible for a few days. Next major social outing is Saturday. Hopefully the worst will be past by then... 

I feel this way too. Sometimes I feel like I'm full of poison and I need to quarantine that away from people. Slowly learning that it's okay to be myself however that self is presenting is okay with some trusted folks. Is there anyone you can grumble grumble with?

 

6 hours ago, Fifree said:

Next major social outing is Saturday. Hopefully the worst will be past by then... 

Maybe you can pre-plan some coping skills if you feel that way again? I'm a big fan of going out "for some fresh air," which also means I get a break from socializing and can touch some plants and recenter.

 

6 hours ago, Thorin said:

something i’m learning is it’s not how you feel that makes you the person you are, it’s how you treat others. The fact that feeling irritable bothers you says a lot about your character!

So well said!!

[j1290]

8 hours ago, Thorin said:

The fact that feeling irritable bothers you says a lot about your character! I know it’s not easy but you’re doing well!

I heard a quote long ago that humor is you breaking a leg, tragedy is me getting a paper cut.  It's reallllly easy for me to talk a good game, but to walk the walk and be considerate to others when I'm feeling low?  That's a test of character I would really like to pass.  When I've seen it lived, in big ways and small, it's stuck with me.   

 

1 hour ago, littlebird said:

I didn't actually yell at anyone. I did mutter under my breath a bit though.

On my ADs I talk in my sleep.  I wonder if verbalizing my internal dialogue isn't a symptom of WD sometimes, just like I wonder if vivid dreams at night are continued in the daytime as emotional lability.  🤷‍♂️😎

1 hour ago, littlebird said:

Maybe you can pre-plan some coping skills if you feel that way again? I'm a big fan of going out "for some fresh air," which also means I get a break from socializing and can touch some plants and recenter.

I think this is so smart.  I love it when I plan some outs, just in case.  I hardly ever use them, but I always go into the situation more confident if I have them.   

[Addax]

15 hours ago, Fifree said:

Irritability is with me again on day 14.

Arg! That feeling of irritability sucks. It’s quite an achievement to contain it sometimes. Well done! Do you remember what you muttered? I don’t always remember my irritable thoughts later. I wonder if I wrote them down, would I read them later and think the thought was reasonable? Or shake my head? 

[Fifree]

13 hours ago, Thorin said:

The fact that feeling irritable bothers you says a lot about your character! I know it’s not easy but you’re doing well!

Thank you @Thorin. That is so nice of you to say. I'm sure it's true of you too. I have all these layers of subpar-parenting to deal with too, so when I'm irritable it sets off all sorts of other cr@p in my subconscious about being unlovable and only caring about hurting others because it is useful to me in some way. Oof. I know we all have shades of this stuff to deal with. It's good to identify it and question it I suppose. But I second guess myself. A lot.

 

6 hours ago, littlebird said:

Sometimes I feel like I'm full of poison and I need to quarantine that away from people. Slowly learning that it's okay to be myself however that self is presenting is okay with some trusted folks. Is there anyone you can grumble grumble with?

Thanks LB. "full of poison" is a very apt description. It's definitely better if I don't let it out in the wrong direction. Because sometimes I feel like everyone who is not sharp as a tack is intolerably stupid which is obviously not true. I have family dinner with my kids tonight and they know what I'm going through atm so I might let it out with them. I'll tell them that I am full of poison rn and then have a little rant about how annoying everyone in the world is except us 🤣 And that will make me laugh and the bad feelings will all go away.

 

4 hours ago, j1290 said:

On my ADs I talk in my sleep.  I wonder if verbalizing my internal dialogue isn't a symptom of WD sometimes, just like I wonder if vivid dreams at night are continued in the daytime as emotional lability. 

Do you know what you say? That would be an interesting way to get at your subconscious. I tend not to remember my dreams no matter how interesting they are... 

 

4 hours ago, j1290 said:

 

6 hours ago, littlebird said:

Maybe you can pre-plan some coping skills if you feel that way again? I'm a big fan of going out "for some fresh air," which also means I get a break from socializing and can touch some plants and recenter.

I think this is so smart.  I love it when I plan some outs, just in case.  I hardly ever use them, but I always go into the situation more confident if I have them.   

Good idea LB and J. I am guilty of taking far more trips to the loo than are actually necessary. Just to get a little space you know? A little bit of grounding and centring. I'll scope the place out that I'm going on Saturday and make some escape plans. Going outside to touch plants is a good idea...

 

I realise I had a walk in the botanic gardens to see a sculpture exhibition planned on Friday too, but I think I might beg off that one. I'm not feeling right.  

😒

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Fifree]

17 minutes ago, Addax said:

It’s quite an achievement to contain it sometimes. Well done!

Thanks Addax. I kinda contain it, but not that well imo. Even if I'm not rude to the person I'm with, I can be uncharitable about third parties who come up in conversation.  I know there are flared nostrils and thin lips on show too... Resting b!tch face. Ugh. Work in progress I am

[Mamgu]

Oh my, I'm in the same boat as you, with the irritability to the point I know I'm being unreasonable.  Which makes me annoyed at myself!  I was talking to my counsellor the other day about this as I've been so wound up I ended up shouting out loud - it's OK, I live on my own so I didn't shout at anyone, it was more at myself for being so stupid.  That said, the dog wasn't happy so I had to make it up to him afterwards!!  Anyway, my counsellor mentioned going for a walk or doing something else physical, that'll use up the adrenaline that's pinging about my veins.  I can see the logic behind that so thought I'd mention it here 🙂

xx

 

 

[littlebird]

5 hours ago, Fifree said:

I have family dinner with my kids tonight and they know what I'm going through atm so I might let it out with them. I'll tell them that I am full of poison rn and then have a little rant about how annoying everyone in the world is except us 🤣 And that will make me laugh and the bad feelings will all go away.

I'm so glad you'll be able to be yourself, just as you are, with people that get it! So nice not to mask, just to let it all loose. Also, there are some real annoying folks out there so there's plenty to rant about. A podcast called Las Culturistas has a segment called "I don't think so, honey!" where the hosts and any guests have 1 minute to rant about something, which would make for a cute dinner game.

 

5 hours ago, Fifree said:

I realise I had a walk in the botanic gardens to see a sculpture exhibition planned on Friday too, but I think I might beg off that one. I'm not feeling right.  

😒

Gotta take care of yourself! Maybe you can go when it won't be too crowded and you're in a better spot with tapering. Glad you're listening to your body!

 

5 hours ago, Fifree said:

Even if I'm not rude to the person I'm with, I can be uncharitable about third parties who come up in conversation.  I know there are flared nostrils and thin lips on show too... Resting b!tch face. Ugh. Work in progress I am

Who amongst us has not had our moments of that, even without tapering? Hey, adds a bit of spice to the conversation-it can be enlightening to hear someone's unfiltered thoughts. There have been times when someone has burst out about something in a bad mood (sometimes a bit out of character-like if it was a very bad mood) and it finally broke the ice for me to say, "That bothers you too? Oh thank goodness, I was losing my mind with that and I thought I was the only one."

[Thorin]

5 hours ago, Fifree said:

12 hours ago, littlebird said:

Sometimes I feel like I'm full of poison and I need to quarantine that away from people. Slowly learning that it's okay to be myself however that self is presenting is okay with some trusted folks. Is there anyone you can grumble grumble with?

Thanks LB. "full of poison" is a very apt description. It's definitely better if I don't let it out in the wrong direction. Because sometimes I feel like everyone who is not sharp as a tack is intolerably stupid which is obviously not true. I have family dinner with my kids tonight and they know what I'm going through atm so I might let it out with them. I'll tell them that I am full of poison rn and then have a little rant about how annoying everyone in the world is except us 🤣 And that will make me laugh and the bad feelings will all go away.

@littlebird I’m trying to deal with this right now. I think it’s at the core or my mental health issues I’ve struggled with. I felt so full of ‘evil’ poison that I turned it inwards and didn’t direct it where it should’ve gone (wasn’t allowed to). Now it shows up directed at the wrong thing or at the wrong time. Trying to redirect it where it belongs!

 

That’s great if you can let it out with people you care about @Fifree!

[littlebird]

11 hours ago, Thorin said:

@littlebird I’m trying to deal with this right now. I think it’s at the core or my mental health issues I’ve struggled with. I felt so full of ‘evil’ poison that I turned it inwards and didn’t direct it where it should’ve gone (wasn’t allowed to). Now it shows up directed at the wrong thing or at the wrong time. Trying to redirect it where it belongs!

Maybe we should get historical with our rage and burn some effigies. Half a joke, half wondering if it would work. I'm so full of this and not sure how to get it out!

[Fifree]

5 hours ago, littlebird said:

16 hours ago, Thorin said:

@littlebird I’m trying to deal with this right now. I think it’s at the core or my mental health issues I’ve struggled with. I felt so full of ‘evil’ poison that I turned it inwards and didn’t direct it where it should’ve gone (wasn’t allowed to). Now it shows up directed at the wrong thing or at the wrong time. Trying to redirect it where it belongs!

Maybe we should get historical with our rage and burn some effigies. Half a joke, half wondering if it would work. I'm so full of this and not sure how to get it out!

I think there's a lot to be said for doing that kind of symbolic stuff. It's not like you can go back and actually punish whoever wronged you in the past, BUT you can go into the headspace of 4 yo, 10 yo, 12 yo you and kick the proverbial out of whoever it was and it could do you a power of good. Yell and scream that IT'S NOT FAIR and all that. I feel better after just describing it!

 

 

[Fifree]

Thanks for the tips and support @j1290 @littlebird @Thorin @Mamgu and @Addax

 

I'm going to see this cut through, but I'm moving to some form of brass monkey slide next time.

 

And I know I said that last time... I need to come back and read this when I'm feeling better. 

 

Why is it that when we feel well we think we can take on anything and it will never change, and then when we're feeling poorly, we think that will never change? How many times do I need to read the article on windows and waves for it to actually get into my head? I will feel fine/good for a while and I will feel awful for a while and then I will feel fine again.

 

Right now I feel awful. I feel so agitated. I warned the 19 yo that I was really grouchy today and had no patience for anyone's foibles. She asked me what "foibles' were. I said LOOK IT UP! We still managed to get into an argument about dishes and she's all sniffy with me.

 

But after feeling awful, I always feel fine again and I will again in a few days. I will try and remind myself to make it small.

 

 

[Thorin]

16 hours ago, littlebird said:

Maybe we should get historical with our rage and burn some effigies. Half a joke, half wondering if it would work. I'm so full of this and not sure how to get it out!

Let’s just burn stuff

[Thorin]

4 hours ago, Fifree said:

Why is it that when we feel well we think we can take on anything and it will never change, and then when we're feeling poorly, we think that will never change? How many times do I need to read the article on windows and waves for it to actually get into my head? I will feel fine/good for a while and I will feel awful for a while and then I will feel fine again.

Kinda sounds like you’re beating yourself up for following this pattern. I do exactly the same thing. It’s external to us. It’s the WD that makes us think like this. We feel normal and think we’re passed it and then fall into a wave and the WD makes us think that’s it forever. We can’t help it but we have people on here to cheer us on when we’re in a window and remind us we’re just in a wave. People have done that for me here….

 

4 hours ago, Fifree said:

Right now I feel awful. I feel so agitated. I warned the 19 yo that I was really grouchy today and had no patience for anyone's foibles. She asked me what "foibles' were. I said LOOK IT UP! We still managed to get into an argument about dishes and she's all sniffy with me.

Hahaha I feel like I experienced this argument h folding as you briefly described it 😂😂😬

 

4 hours ago, Fifree said:

But after feeling awful, I always feel fine again and I will again in a few days. I will try and remind myself to make it small.

You certainly will feel better again soon ☺️

[littlebird]

8 hours ago, Thorin said:

On 6/14/2023 at 12:21 PM, littlebird said:

Maybe we should get historical with our rage and burn some effigies. Half a joke, half wondering if it would work. I'm so full of this and not sure how to get it out!

Let’s just burn stuff

*lights a cigarette, then a decorative pillow, then the neighbor's fancy wooden fence*

 

8 hours ago, Thorin said:

12 hours ago, Fifree said:

But after feeling awful, I always feel fine again and I will again in a few days. I will try and remind myself to make it small.

You certainly will feel better again soon ☺️

It will pass! Sounds like you're handling it very well. Arguments with teenagers about dishes are unavoidable no matter what your brain chemistry is like that day! Hope you're finding ways to soothe yourself as you get through it.

[Fifree]

4 hours ago, littlebird said:

lights a cigarette, then a decorative pillow, then the neighbor's fancy wooden fence*

I’m enjoying this description a little too much 🔥😏😈

 

4 hours ago, littlebird said:

13 hours ago, Thorin said:

You certainly will feel better again soon ☺️

It will pass! Sounds like you're handling it very well. Arguments with teenagers about dishes are unavoidable no matter what your brain chemistry is like that day! Hope you're finding ways to soothe yourself as you get through it.

Thanks my friends.  I didn’t find any ways to self-soothe apart from overeating… beats committing filicide I guess, but would be better if I went for a nice walk somewhere. 

 

 

Last night, the «mood ⛈️ ☠️💩» evaporated. 💭 Gone. Just like that. I feel completely normal again. I guess the serotonin factory ratcheted up production again and I’m back to WD normal. I must be, because I’m already thinking about the next cut and how it’s only a few days of unpleasantness and it wasn’t really that bad. It’s like childbirth.  As soon as it’s over you forget how terrible it was. 
 

When the time comes for my next cut, I am going to get the little glass bottles out again, and I’m going to make up AD shooters for a modified slide.  I have reached the limits of round numbers. I was hoping to get to 5 mg before this happened, but I’m not making the rules here. My body/brain and big pharma are. 

 

I’m glad to be back in the land of the normal polite people who cut each other some slack. And I still consider myself fortunate that things are not worse. 
 

All the best to you my fellow travellers and thanks for the support 

 

[littlebird]

6 minutes ago, Fifree said:

Last night, the «mood ⛈️ ☠️💩» evaporated. 💭 Gone. Just like that. I feel completely normal again. I guess the serotonin factory ratcheted up production again and I’m back to WD normal. I must be, because I’m already thinking about the next cut and how it’s only a few days of unpleasantness and it wasn’t really that bad. It’s like childbirth.  As soon as it’s over you forget how terrible it was. 

Yaaaaay, I'm glad it went away! Ha, once something like that is in the rearview it is hard to remember how bad it was. Glad you're back in window-land!

[j1290]

4 hours ago, Fifree said:

As soon as it’s over you forget how terrible it was. 

I also like to tell myself that blueskies and rainbows are just around the corner, after the *next* cut, things will be noticeably better all around!😊

 

Really happy for you to get to the other side of this.  Congrats!

[Thorin]

On 6/16/2023 at 10:37 AM, Fifree said:

Thanks my friends.  I didn’t find any ways to self-soothe apart from overeating… beats committing filicide I guess, but would be better if I went for a nice walk somewhere. 

Hahaha I like where your heads at with this. Lately I’m eating a block of chocolate a night….. if it helps you get through…..

 

On 6/16/2023 at 10:37 AM, Fifree said:

Last night, the «mood ⛈️ ☠️💩» evaporated. 💭 Gone. Just like that. I feel completely normal again. I guess the serotonin factory ratcheted up production again and I’m back to WD normal. I must be, because I’m already thinking about the next cut and how it’s only a few days of unpleasantness and it wasn’t really that bad. It’s like childbirth.  As soon as it’s over you forget how terrible it was. 

Ok this is a good and maybe predictable then. As @j1290 says predictability makes it easier (he said it better than that).

[Fifree]

A Whiny Cranky Vent/Rant

 

I took my irritability to therapy with me today. My new scattered (ADHD) therapist is a bigger mess than I am. She's all over the place with the therapies and doesn't remember what she's told me, or what I've told her. Her excuse was that she "talks to a lot of people".  Well you know lady, it's kind of your job to remember and you're pretty well paid for it. If you can't remember things easily because of your ADHD, I'm pretty sure you should be able to access some strategies to help you - maybe you could take NOTES for example.

 

Anyway she was up at the white board going around and around the ACT matrix today blathering on about all these different treatment modalities - bouncing from Schema therapy to the PERMA theory of wellbeing, polyvagal something or other, the Virtues project. Still hasn't really explained how we're going to be approaching ACT. I was clearly fidgeting and looking cross cos she stopped and asked me if her standing was making me uncomfortable. I told her I wanted to get on with the therapy and this felt more like a lecture. I admitted that I was a little irritable from tapering but it would pass. Then she was trying to get me to do body scans on the spot and pivoted to what I needed to do to replace the meds in my life. I need to do Qigong I need to do drumming, I need to go swimming and walking. Anything that will cause vibration apparently. 

 

My plan was actually to do ACT to replace meds, but clearly I have come to the wrong place.

 

I told her my body would adapt and I just wanted off. She said something about Dr Rob Purssey (who set up this centre) not being too keen on ADs either. That was the whole reason I went to the centre. I want to replace meds with ACT. I don't think he's vetting his therapists very well.

 

I told her I never needed ADs, I had ADHD and she said oh but you may still need ADs - very much implying my brain chemistry was off.  I really shut down at that point.  

 

Anyway it was all just one annoying misunderstanding after another. I don't know if I'll waste any more of my time and money with her. I found it kind of entertaining at first but really hoped to be getting down to business by session 3.

 

Grumble grumble grumble.

 

 

[Thorin]

45 minutes ago, Fifree said:

A Whiny Cranky Vent/Rant

 

I took my irritability to therapy with me today. My new scattered (ADHD) therapist is a bigger mess than I am. She's all over the place with the therapies and doesn't remember what she's told me, or what I've told her. Her excuse was that she "talks to a lot of people".  Well you know lady, it's kind of your job to remember and you're pretty well paid for it. If you can't remember things easily because of your ADHD, I'm pretty sure you should be able to access some strategies to help you - maybe you could take NOTES for example.

 

Anyway she was up at the white board going around and around the ACT matrix today blathering on about all these different treatment modalities - bouncing from Schema therapy to the PERMA theory of wellbeing, polyvagal something or other, the Virtues project. Still hasn't really explained how we're going to be approaching ACT. I was clearly fidgeting and looking cross cos she stopped and asked me if her standing was making me uncomfortable. I told her I wanted to get on with the therapy and this felt more like a lecture. I admitted that I was a little irritable from tapering but it would pass. Then she was trying to get me to do body scans on the spot and pivoted to what I needed to do to replace the meds in my life. I need to do Qigong I need to do drumming, I need to go swimming and walking. Anything that will cause vibration apparently. 

 

My plan was actually to do ACT to replace meds, but clearly I have come to the wrong place.

 

I told her my body would adapt and I just wanted off. She said something about Dr Rob Purssey (who set up this centre) not being too keen on ADs either. That was the whole reason I went to the centre. I want to replace meds with ACT. I don't think he's vetting his therapists very well.

 

I told her I never needed ADs, I had ADHD and she said oh but you may still need ADs - very much implying my brain chemistry was off.  I really shut down at that point.  

 

Anyway it was all just one annoying misunderstanding after another. I don't know if I'll waste any more of my time and money with her. I found it kind of entertaining at first but really hoped to be getting down to business by session 3.

 

Grumble grumble grumble.

 

 

Oh man. Based on this post alone I would be out the door and looking for a new therapist. Sorry, if you’re going to help me with my life and charge me for it you need to be damn good at what you do…

[littlebird]

9 hours ago, Fifree said:

My new scattered (ADHD) therapist is a bigger mess than I am. She's all over the place with the therapies and doesn't remember what she's told me, or what I've told her. Her excuse was that she "talks to a lot of people".  Well you know lady, it's kind of your job to remember and you're pretty well paid for it. If you can't remember things easily because of your ADHD, I'm pretty sure you should be able to access some strategies to help you - maybe you could take NOTES for example.

Ooh ooh oooh... this would rub me the wrong way big time. It is 100% her job to remember what she talks about to clients and take notes! I had a therapist like this, many sessions were mostly me reminding him of things we'd already discussed. 

 

9 hours ago, Fifree said:

She said something about Dr Rob Purssey (who set up this centre) not being too keen on ADs either. That was the whole reason I went to the centre. I want to replace meds with ACT. I don't think he's vetting his therapists very well.

9 hours ago, Fifree said:

I told her I never needed ADs, I had ADHD and she said oh but you may still need ADs - very much implying my brain chemistry was off.  I really shut down at that point.

Ok. Not only is she not aligned with the founder of the center, she clearly isn't listening to you. You just told her (and came there in the first place) because you aren't getting help from meds and are trying to get off of them. So... she says you don't know yourself or what you need and you might actually need meds?

 

She sounds incredibly ill-suited for this work. Nope nope nope.

 

10 hours ago, Fifree said:

pivoted to what I needed to do to replace the meds in my life. I need to do Qigong I need to do drumming, I need to go swimming and walking. Anything that will cause vibration apparently. 

 

My plan was actually to do ACT to replace meds, but clearly I have come to the wrong place.

Sounding like one of those therapists who talks more than not. OOF. Like, if she had an ounce more focus, she could have made that into a therapeutic moment in which she did one of those things instead of talking more at you immediately after getting feedback that it was feeling like a lecture.

 

10 hours ago, Fifree said:

Anyway it was all just one annoying misunderstanding after another. I don't know if I'll waste any more of my time and money with her. I found it kind of entertaining at first but really hoped to be getting down to business by session 3.

This was your 3rd session too?? Oh yeah, I think you have a clear picture of what continuing would be like. Maybe there's someone else there who is more suited to do this work? The founder being skeptical of ADs sounds promising, but also yikes they really need to vet their therapists and maybe do surveys of clients for feedback or something. What a frustrating session when you're already feeling the tapering!

[Fifree]

5 hours ago, littlebird said:

I had a therapist like this, many sessions were mostly me reminding him of things we'd already discussed. 

Oof sorry you've had this experience too. And then she's explaining how "unmet childhood emotional needs" could be triggering.

 

Oh yeah? You mean for example like when you're the 5th child and everyone treats you like you're insignificant and not important enough to be treated as an individual? And then your therapist can't remember what you've discussed because she "talks to a lot of people". Damn she's good! That is triggering!

 

It would be ironically funny if it weren't so awful. 

 

Anyway... she is one of those therapists who talks way more than she listens. And in that case, I may as well read a book or watch YouTube videos. It is much more cost efficient.

 

Thanks for the support @Thorinand @littlebird. I will ruminate on it some and come up with a new plan.

 

In other news, I woke up early this morning and actually felt like going to work. This is very weird for me. I took extended leave from work in Sept 2020 cos I was completely and utterly burnt out and ended up just never going back. Today I'm feeling like getting dressed in my corporate get-up, jumping on that bus and heading into the city. I'm feeling very feisty right now and am maybe tiring of my quiet, comfortable fairly stress-free little life.

 

I think I may be getting better at last. Starting to think the Lexapro induced brain-fog was making work actually harder instead of easier. At that time I didn't know brain-fog was a Lex side-effect and thought my mind was just melting. But I'd kinda like a PT job now both for the money and for the mental stimulation. Not sure how a 60 yo who took medical retirement goes about finding a mentally-stimulating job though. 

 

Any suggestions for a side-hustle welcome.

[Thorin]

12 hours ago, Fifree said:

Oh yeah? You mean for example like when you're the 5th child and everyone treats you like you're insignificant and not important enough to be treated as an individual? And then your therapist can't remember what you've discussed because she "talks to a lot of people". Damn she's good! That is triggering!

Oh man that’s the LAST thing you need. Uh-uh

 

12 hours ago, Fifree said:

In other news, I woke up early this morning and actually felt like going to work. This is very weird for me. I took extended leave from work in Sept 2020 cos I was completely and utterly burnt out and ended up just never going back. Today I'm feeling like getting dressed in my corporate get-up, jumping on that bus and heading into the city. I'm feeling very feisty right now and am maybe tiring of my quiet, comfortable fairly stress-free little life.

Oh I like this! Are you going to do something or sit with it and see if the feeling hangs around?

 

12 hours ago, Fifree said:

Any suggestions for a side-hustle welcome.

Come and be an environmental consultant. It’s stressful though!