Dahlia50: Reducing Zoloft

[Dahlia50]

Thanks for the tips and support about sleep!
Still struggeling with sleep and severe WD. I took immovane 2 days and theralen 1 day in hospital. Worried that I kindled. Became worse and afraid that worsened my chances. Should I give up now. 6 months off. As it feels right now, don't know how to survive this. Dr really don't know anything about WD, makes me angry.

[DaBro]

Hi @Dahlia50  good to hear from you. We are all here to support you and hope you see improvement. 
 

In my experience, I really didn’t want to be taking any SSRI and at 12 months out though if I reinstated I would be resetting the clock and would have to go through the 12 months of misery twice. 
 

I also trusted that I would heal (and I 99% have). All the stories from Pug, Brassmonkey and others gave me faith. 

doctors can only use the information they have been told and taught, which we now know is wrong. 
 

stay strong. 
 

 

[Dahlia50]

@DaBro Thanks for beeing here. I wish I could trust to heal. But its too hard right now.
What if I resetted the clock 12 months by taking thoose strong Imovane.
Right now I have a lot of physical pain and depression. What if I actually get a depression, I took zoloft for 13 years.

I heard Dr Shipko M.D. (CA) say that if you have taken SSRIs for 15 years there may be risks of stopping and that you may become sick and disabled, as I feel now. And that SSRI WD can be dangerous. I don't know if I can handle this and its to late to reinstate. I try to be strong and positive but its scary. I miss my life so much.

[Kaylaq]

I hear you, I feel your fear also!  I too miss my past life, hang in there! We have worked so hard to get through this WD! It has to get better!!! Give yourself lots of love and patience 👍🏼🥰🥰🥰

[DaBro]

I don’t think Imovane will have made any difference. It’s not in the same family of drugs as SSRIs and doesn’t work in the same way. 
 

I’m not sure if dr Shipko is correct and whether his statement is helpful. From most things I have read, once you’ve been on SSRIs for a couple of months you are at risk of WD and that risk and severity of the WD doesn’t increase if you’ve been on them for years. Not everyone gets WD but for those of us that do get it, we will experience similar WD whether we took them 15 weeks or 15 years. 
 

I know it’s hard (I’ve been there) but you have to believe you will heal and stop thinking the worst thing will happen. It’s so tempting to google all your symptoms looking for answers, but very little of what you read online is correct or helpful. Trust the moderators as they have traveled the same path that you find yourself on and have come out the other side. 
 

so will you. 

[BaccatePlayer]

4 minutes ago, DaBro said:

From most things I have read, once you’ve been on SSRIs for a couple of months you are at risk of WD and that risk and severity of the WD doesn’t increase if you’ve been on them for years. Not everyone gets WD but for those of us that do get it, we will experience similar WD whether we took them 15 weeks or 15 years. 

This is a very reassuring statement that reminding others of can be a huge support during difficult moments. It really helps to hear that no cases are helpless, that people recover no matter if they dropped decades of meds or withdraw from one dose. We can all feel like we never get better when we look at how bad we feel, but if the mods with so much experience have seen this many people getting better, it really brings hope back.

[Kaylaq]

@DaBro thank you for your posting! It helps us all to not panic or get caught up in the symptoms. It greatly helps me to hear from those who have survived this WD process! 

[Jaffa]

@Dahlia50

I'm thinking of you every day and saying a little prayer of sorts to the Gods, the universe, the powers that be-  that you are growing in strength and resilience and that maybe occasionally you are having just a little moment of relief. I know that what you suffer is beyond hard . Sending love

[Dahlia50]

Thanks @Jaffa for kind words 🙏

[Dahlia50]

I got worse after the immovane and theralen. Or if the WD got worse. It just gets worse. It doesn't feel like many people have as much brain pain as I do. Burning pressing constant pain extremely suffering. I may have damaged some receptors and been injured in my crash.
 

Still in hospital. No one seems to recognize WD. Have said no to medication because I don't trust it but am starting to wonder what is right and wrong. Sometimes I wonder if it's depression. Hardly sleep at all. Can you get psychosis? I'm not crazy.
 

What has gotten worse is that I’am totally exhausted, hardly walk or stand up - is this normal? The system is hypo stressed. Crying spells and not recognizing myself. Feels like personality is gone. NO emotions. Don't feel love. Cognitively dysfunctional, distanced from myself and normal life. Feelings of unreality. Insomnia. Catastrophic thoughts. Suicidal thoughts (never had before). It's 24/7 and doesn't know if its constant waves (no windows). Totally crippled from this intense pain.

 

I'm starting to lose more and more. Can't watch TV, read sensitive to light. No interests or desire for even the basics. If this is severe WD, it's hell. Sometimes I wonder if I have depression. But that electrical overactivity and a brain on high speed should not be a normal depression. I look sick. Sometimes feel like I'm going to die, that my brain is going to shut down. Wondering if this is really "just" WD?

 

I feel sick, in despair. So mad at myself for not reinstating the first month when I started feeling bad. Didn't realize it could be like this. No doctor said it was WD either. I don't know what to do because this is inhumane, it breaks me.
 

Thinking of trying reinstatement of zoloft, what choice do I have. What is frightening is if the brain has started to change and you reset that there will be more chaos and anesthesia or adverse reaction. Or more toxic injury. Wonder if I actually lose this.
How can one cope with suffering for several years. Sorry not positive now. And don't know what to do…

[BaccatePlayer]

So sorry to hear you're feeling this way @Dahlia50 and sending lots of strength for you!

 

24 minutes ago, Dahlia50 said:

I'm not crazy.

Feelings of insanity and even believing you got dragged into mad transes and psychotic-like mood states is possible. You're not crazy, that's correct, but you may be too agitated and panicked right now. I experienced that too and talked to people who did as well.

 

26 minutes ago, Dahlia50 said:

What has gotten worse is that I’am totally exhausted, hardly walk or stand up - is this normal?

It can be a part of withdrawal symptoms. I relate to it, maybe not all the time, but been there many times.

 

29 minutes ago, Dahlia50 said:

If this is severe WD, it's hell.

Yes, it can be --this-- bad. I've read everything you mentioned and it can be covered by "withdrawal" though I can't really help you with making decisions. Thing is, the more you keep messing with meds, the more unstable you can get. I hope someone will help you pick the correct path because ideal state would be if you recovered but these changes are still happening since you keep reinstating, so I can only tell you to try easing your anxiety to make current moment more bearable. Please do not panic, I know it's hard and you wish you had instant answer, but desperate desire for relief and worrying will not help with anything now. We're there for you and you're not alone, remember!

[mariamisery]

So sorry to hear what you are going through.  Earlier I  had  severe withdrawal.  Stay strong and fight your way through this.  Hopefully you will get some type of relief soon. 

[Kaylaq]

I see you, I hear you!! So sorry you are suffering so much!  💪💪💗💗🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

[Sonia009]

@Dahlia50 Sorry to hear your still in hospital, I hope they will be able to give you the answers you need to help you recover. Sending best wishes.💐

[Xcaretuk]

Hi @Dahlia50,

I have just come across your thread and wanted to let you know that head pain everyday is what I have. It feels like nerve pain behind my eyes, temples and forehead. Mine developed after I panicked and up-dosed by 10mg to 20mg of Paroxetine during a too quick partial taper and skipped doses.. I also get the electrical like currents through my back and arms in the middle of the night accompanied by more head pain. The body shocks are milder now than they were but the head pain is pretty much constant. I think withdrawal/updose/too late reinstatement symptoms can feel pretty much the same in some cases and stabilising takes longer than we like or imagine. I am considering taking a tiny bit off my dosage to see if I can get relief but am holding a bit longer before I make the decision. I think we probably all think from time to time that we will be the one not to heal on this journey because the symptoms are unbelievable in intensity and length but reading other people stories give me much hope that this is not the case. Sending healing vibes…

[Dahlia50]

Thank you all kind people here!

Back home from hospital. No understanding of WD. It hurts so much to be misunderstood and the suffering is made worse by the fact that doctors cannot confirm what you are suffering from. 

 

I am very unwell and getting worse. Still in shock over this and losing hope.

I think I may have akathisia. Inner terror pain and turmoil (not movement) can cry from restlessness and panic pain without stop. Can it pass? Does anyone recognize it?

Electric current in the head and body 24/7. Is there anything you can take to help akathisia? Can 1mg zoloft help? Overactivity in the brain and body.

 

Barely sleep at all. Walk only a few meters. Becoming increasingly dysfunctional. Feeling no emotions. Distance from myself and feel no connection to surroundings. I see the sun and the trees but I'm not there. Is it the brain that shuts down or damaged?

Cold and freezing. Eyes are heavy, tired and field of vision and perception are worse. I have aged since WD and my skin is gray dry and pale. Losing a lot of hair. Lost weight. Less appetite.
The worst is the brain, it can't take anything, no energy. Basically stimulant intolerant. Is that common for WD?

 

Losing hope because I am losing my job and social contacts. Recovery too hard. I've heard it may be more difficult for women, perhaps biologically or hormones.
I think it was such a big hit/chock on my sensitive brain/nervous system that I damaged receptors, that cells or neurons died. Makes me depressed. I can't even go for a walk which I love.

I did such an stupid taper but I really tried to get the right help from Dr. I had adverse effects but it was nothing compered to this. If I had only stayed on the last dose, I would have had some quality of life. Never thought WD/injury could be so cruel, didn't even know what it was.
Feels like I've gone into neurological dysfunction. Anyone recognize this? Body does not work, heavy and stiff. Nerve pain in the back, neck, head. Feels like personality and normal inner dialogue is gone. I am repetitive and only into this syndrome. You can't live like this.

 

I don't want to put my wonderful parents through this. It is so hard for them to understand that nothing helps. Nobody saw this coming. This means an existential crisis and not being able to be independent, being able to work. I was creative and communicative.

There is no help it makes me so scared. Confidence breaking down. Suffer for so many years. Im not sure I can do it. Not being able to function among relatives and friends breaks my heart. Losing my identity.
Sorry but I have no energy and can't find anything positive now. Lack of sleep worsens.
 

I am ashamed to explain this to others. No one else understands. I've never felt more alone. Thank you for being here! 💛

[Dahlia50]

@Xcaretuk Hi and thanks for healing vibes!
Yes that constant head pain everyday is very hard. It feels like nerve pain to me too, eyes, temples, forehead and backhead. And the electrical like currents. 
Thank you for describing that you also have it because you feel alone about it and it's nothing normal and difficult to explain to others.

 

Hope you get relief soon. Sending healing vibes back…

[mariamisery]

Glad you are out of hospital.  Sorry the hospital could not help you.  Stay strong. We are all suffering in different degrees. This we have in common.  This is a safe place for you to come and find comfort.  You will get through this.  Your body will heal.  Take it one minute at a time. It will get better!! Here for you.

[BaccatePlayer]

8 minutes ago, Dahlia50 said:

Back home from hospital. No understanding of WD. It hurts so much to be misunderstood and the suffering is made worse by the fact that doctors cannot confirm what you are suffering from. 

Glad you are back from hospital. Don't worry, we'd probably face such misunderstanding in 99% cases if we went to health care system too. Here, we totally emphatise with you.

 

9 minutes ago, Dahlia50 said:

Can it pass?

Yes. Bad times may make you believe it will never change, but your body is always fighting. It's true with any injury or illness too. If you can, spend time trying to relax or at least try to reassure yourself that you're safe. Setting the right mood will help your body to adjust.

 

11 minutes ago, Dahlia50 said:

Does anyone recognize it?

Yes. Impending doom panic and crying spells for the whole days is both common for others and something I lived through. Inner terror pain and mental agitation is also tied to panic as well as brain making changes and adjustements aggressively which your mind gets strong signal about and you experience it as pain because that's the way body reacts to strong and unpleasant signals even when it can't identify them.

 

15 minutes ago, Dahlia50 said:

Is there anything you can take to help akathisia?

Approaching anxiety and rumminations is what can help your system to slow down, but you still need to be very patient until it eases.

 

16 minutes ago, Dahlia50 said:

Can 1mg zoloft help?

To be honest, I don't think I saw anyone taking any med for withdrawal symptoms (unless reinstating properly) and claiming it worked. Remember that more messing with drugs is more job for your system. I know wanting relief can reach extremes but think twice. It is hard to predict what it can do with you now. May make some things worse, may make some things slightly better but would it be worth it? Would the benefits outweight the side effects? I personally wouldn't risk, but most importantly do not make decisions too quickly. Your health is very serious matter and you better know exactly why and what you are doing with it cause helping yourself in case something goes wrong can be very difficult and you already have a bit complicated situation.

 

21 minutes ago, Dahlia50 said:

Is it the brain that shuts down or damaged?

It's not a brain damage, but feeling like it is is a very common experience.

 

22 minutes ago, Dahlia50 said:

Is that common for WD?

Absolutely yes.

 

23 minutes ago, Dahlia50 said:

Anyone recognize this?

What you wrote is very similair to what I kept typing in panic to my friends in December. Very reletable, Dahlia.

 

Please sweetheart, prioritize rest and easing your panic now. We're here, you're not gonna be dead, this won't be permanent and there's always something you can do. I know it feels like your whole life breaks down, but you can only control your reactions now. I hope you regain even a bit calmness.

[Dahlia50]

@mariamisery @BaccatePlayer

You ask questions in hospital but don't get much in return. And here you good people answer directly with care and compassion. Grateful 💛

[Kaylaq]

So glad you are at home, it will make you feel safer!  I’m so sorry you are in this horrible place!  Read @BaccatePlayer posting again, he is giving you the best advice!  Keep it simple.   Find whatever you can to get out of your headspace, …. Movies, music, reading, whatever you can handle!! Baby steps, focus on breath, in and out, in and out! 
find a mantra to repeat over and over, “ every day I am Healing”  
 

we are here for you! 

sending you so much strength, energy, love, prayers to support you during this process !! 💪💪 🥰🥰 

[Dahlia50]

@Kaylaq You are right, you dont feel safe in hospital when it comes to this.

 

I will read @BaccatePlayer post again tomorrow. Still hoping for some sleep at home now. 
 

Thanks for support and kind words 🙏 💛

[Jaffa]

@Dahlia50

Im just wanting to add to these beautiful comments by saying my heart is with you. I know that pain. I’m so very sorry and so angry that this has happened to you. I relate. You are so strong and brave and such a special soul. Keep talking to us ❤️

[Dahlia50]

Thanks @Jaffa 🙏💛

Would have done differently if I understood better. I wanted to be brave but this is something completely different, didn't think this was possible or that this condition even existed.

I panic because I had a life and functioned on zoloft at least.
Don't understand how you can get this sick when you just want to go off a pill. Feeling naive and stupid but didn't understand the complex mechanisms behind this.

[Kaylaq]

Im in agreement with you, if I had know, ….. I won’t have stopped either!!! And now it’s seems it’s too dangerous to go back, … WHAT A NIGHTMARE WE ARE LIVING, 🤯😭😩 

 

all we can do it seems at this point is to be courageous and have faith we will heal from this!  🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻  

 

[Dahlia50]

 

I and no one on this site deserve this.

 

For me it was important to be my best soul and spirit. I was positive and wanted to spread good vibes. I was kind and sweet. It’s a shock to end up in this dark negative scary state. Hurts my soul, traumatizing.

 

You usually say that ’what doesn't break you makes you stronger’ but when it comes to this No, didn't need this, life itself comes with enough trials but this illness that affects physically and mentally just makes you broken and scared. Unfortunately, I often get mad at myself. Angry at doctors but it doesn't help and you don't have much energy left in this to be angry.

You souls who are here are the best support 💛

[Kaylaq]

You said exactly how I feel and where I was in my life!  I was on a good spiritual path, now it is all gone! My connection to art, spirit, beliefs, values, especially my sense of identity! I worked so hard to not let negativity rule my life, my childhood issues, I worked on healing!  In my early 60’s I was finally feeling/thinking I was building a life I could live for!
NOW, I struggle with figuring out what to hang onto! 
 

thank you for sharing, I don’t feel so alone tonight!  🙏🥰🥰 

[KaiLee]

@Dahlia50 and @Kaylaq, that is what exactly I wanted in my life.

I just wanted the best brithtness I could possibly hold onto. I wanted a redemption. I wanted to be healed, and I wanted to be a healer. I wanted to understand people's pain, and play the music that ease people's pain. All I wanted was my true soul.
That was before the meds. After the meds, when first few windows came, I was able to find some of the brightest moments in my life, when it comes to my spirituality. My soul was more clearer than ever. My heart was purer than ever, since my early childhood. I was stronger, wiser, kind than ever, and I had so many good qualities in me.

So even if I was still a lot more damaged than I am now, I felt so much more hope in me. It's uncomparable to now. I felt so much hope in me.

But now it's all shattered. Every hope being gone without even leaving a shadow.

But I know that was my only hope, and as much as it appeared to me for once, I believe it will again to me. It's all in me, even in times when I can't feel it. I strongly believe. And it's not just me, I do believe everyone has their best soul hidden inside them, waiting to be found. Hope stays for us all. 

I would've wrote about this so differently if I was just slightly feeling better, but waves have been so long for me. But I'm okay now, as I am starting to have faith again. It may be the hardest time, but it doesn't mean it's over. It's just another mountain I need to climb.  

[Kaylaq]

🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💪💪💪🥰🥰🥰  let’s share hope and faith together 

[Dahlia50]

Feel the same as @Kaylaq
Identity is gone. Shows in eyes and face. Connection to art I loved, spirit values and my way of looking at things. Feel empty, without my personality.

I was an emotional person, expressive so this is almost the worst. So inhumane.
Cant feel joy, inspiration, excited, harmony, enjoyment (of food sun or a shower). Used to be amused by putting on nice clothes. Cant really feel love or in the romantic way. No tingle for planning anything ahead. Maybe because don't have a normal life now. But don't feel the basic either. Felt less last years on zoloft but still liked things. All disappeared when I got off the drug and crashed into WD, its so hard I thought you would get more feelings).

All I feel now is sadness fear and despair. Certainly something depressive in it, but more emotional anesthesia or damage because even if you are depressed or sick you can still enjoy a bit of chocolate some fresh air or sleep for a while.
Maybe its worse if you have been on a substance for many years or taper crashed, sometimes I wonder if it is Zoloft that is the worst in this area or if I am an extreme case.

 

I wonder if anyone knows how this can happen, is there any sensory damage, brain injury? How can emotions be so affected…

 

Anyone who recognize this…do you feel emotions?

[BaccatePlayer]

1 hour ago, Dahlia50 said:

 

I wonder if anyone knows how this can happen, is there any sensory damage, brain injury? How can emotions be so affected…

 

Anyone who recognize this…do you feel emotions?

This is not a brain damage, I can assure you. It'd have to be something very large and immediate. Your body would do a lot to fight it, twitching, sensations, it would be alarming and you'd know at least while it's happening. Our symptoms make up for a slow, long lasting creepy state, but no injury like this is underway. If you were put in any situation, a "failsafe" would work and it'd be clear that your body reacted properly. Believe me Dahlia, whatever you feel, there's no danger in it. Not a broken nerve, not brain damage. Your emotions can be so intense because CNS and autonomic system send conflicting messages and your mind interpret that as fear, losing mind, pain, confusion and when you combine it with power of symptoms, you can accelerate all this into utter hell. Please do not consider it being brain injury, permanent or dangerous because it isn't. This may sound like auto-gaslighting, but your mind will not interpret your condition properly on emotional level. It will keep alarming you that if you can't fix it now, it's broken for good. You can't trust that because you've been traumatized by meds. There's a scar, you are stuck in panic mode and just like in the moment someone thinks of broken arm being unable to lift something ever again, it's natural that healing takes time but eventually it all restores. Same will happen with your nervous system. It's too sensitive now to handle this, but like you said pills can only do so much. Please Dahlia, do your best to take your mind off such worries. Just like you shouldn't move a broken leg, you shouldn't activate your CNS with rumminations and panic. Yes, it will be bad anyways for long time, but don't make yourself suffer more than you already have to. No examination will ever show you a brain injury or sensory malfunction. The only way you'd ever see withdrawal symptoms on tests would be measuring your pulse which would just point to being anxious and panicked. You're not ill, you're just unstable... for now.

 

Zoloft is the main drug that got me into symptoms too (100mg cold turkey but with adverse reactions rapid taper is exceptionally recommended), but I am feeling emotions. At first it was just panic, fear and terror. In January I started feeling moved (think of seeing a happy wedding or golden ending in video game) with tears and some connection (in my case to suffering of saints). In February I started feeling anger, this emotion returned in its original form and never went away either. In March I started feeling joy again, I could laugh until I was losing air, I was more content with being alone and I had some more tolerance for staying in my thoughts. This month I see how the body sensations are getting restored too: goosebumps, sweating, even the shock feeling, this all starts to be felt "home", I feel less and less like a bottle of chemicals being mixed back and forth, I can see myself within and my thinking looks more and more like it used to be. If you feel trapped, remember to: 1) ease panic 2) stop rumminations 3) remind yourself it's harmless, ephemeral and you are doing everything you can, so the rest is on your mind 4) invite the external world to guide you through, don't adjust to your symptoms, let them run in the background, it's easier to focus on someone engaging your attention than control it all the time yourself. Sending lots of healing vibes, lovely!

[DaBro]

Hi @BaccatePlayer this is great advice 

 

@Dahlia50 what you feel is unfortunately totally normal for someone going through WD. When I was at my worst point my Doctor sent me for a brain scan, which I was very happy to have. It came back totally normal and healthy which was a relief. Our brains are not damaged, they are adjusting to being drug free and it is not easy or nice. Trust me/us that you will recover your feelings and spirit. I remember the first time I cried and the first time I sang , both things I couldn’t do when I was empty of feelings and emotions. 
 

the 4 steps above are great advice. I used to listen to music and podcasts to stop ruminating. I found it hard to enjoy the podcast but I liked that it distracted my thoughts from WD. My wife forced me to walk with her every day, even just for 10 minutes, even if I didn’t want to, again to have a break from rumination. 
 

it’s hard but be kind to yourself. Give yourself a break. Your body is trying to heal!

[KaiLee]

@Dahlia50, I can totally relate myself to what you said. It is completely recognizable. 

I thought my life was over when my emotion and thoughts were totally gone. I could not feel or thing anything. The world was less than a piece of paper. Nothing meant anything to me, but more than I can say, there was just a giant hole in the core of the world that it cannot possibly contain anything in it.

Again, words cannot describe this well enough... Not even close.

But surprisingly, I did heal a lot since then. I still suffer too much, but at least I am not like that anymore. I feel emotions, and the world started to have some lines on the paper and it even has some color now. 
So there is hope! Really, it is impossible to believe that you will heal when you go through this, as that is how I felt. But surprisingly it does. So will you, you will heal someday.

[Kaylaq]

@BaccatePlayer you have such an amazing way of explaining our systems and what is happening!  Again, I’m so grateful you are here to support us along with your own suffering. You restore our hope again and again!!! 🙏🏻🥰💪 

 

@Dahlia50 I feel every word you say! Sending you strength and courage and so much love to get through each day! Someway, somehow we will survive this!! 🙏🏻🙏🏻🥰

[Dahlia50]

Thanks @BaccatePlayer and @DaBro 🙏

Baccateplayer, thanks for explaining and supporting so well. Glad you’re feeling improvements!

 

It works with copying sometimes. It does get worse when panic and in emotional spirals. Have to help yourself to just endure, distract and breathe in waves. But when head pressure comes with all this burning pain it feels like your not here tomorrow. Depressed by situation. To be this sick and not being able to do anything. Cognitively like a smashed tomato. Have to endure the symptoms but also the mental part of losing normal life.

Have waves all the time. No windows (just calm down a bit in intensity sometimes). 
Hurted so much in the brain when crashed. Cells or neurons may have died, neurotoxic. Pain, like the brain can't take it anymore or to take in impressions. Dont know if it’s also exhaustion in my case like brain fatigue collapse.  But it came after tapering off.

 

Its been very bad for a while now. Hopefully acute phase. Welcome some relief but it feels very distant. Today I tried a mini walk. My legs could barely cope and body ached. Nerves in the neck and back. At least I got some fresh air. I want to walk so badly (normally good for brain) and don't understand why I can't and get so tired afterwards.

 

Your support means everything. I'm listening. Barely have the energy to write today but helps a little to get it out. Grateful you are here. ⭐️💛

[Dahlia50]

@KaiLee Thanks for support!

Good to hear your world started to have some lines on the paper and it has some color again. 

Its so much suffering and your right, it’s impossible to believe that you will heal when you go through this. 
You know what you did in the past to get back up, but this condition and how it affects the brain and body is incredibly difficult to navigate. I get angry at myself sometimes because you should be able to influence yourself, but when you're in a bad wave, it's just to breathe, not much you can do.

Wishing you continued healing… 🌿