Dahlia50: Reducing Zoloft

[KaiLee]

Thank you so much. 😊

[Dahlia50]

@Catina7 @arbor @Shep @DaBro

Hi,

I'm having a really hard time. Suffering. Feels like my nervous system is out and my brain is fried. Neurological non-functioning. Barely sleeps. Burning and nerve pain 24/7. Torture. I feel like I won't make it through this. 
 

I think reintatement may be too late (6 months off) but thinking of trying 1mg zoloft liquid (20mg/ml). Got it on prescription. Does anyone know how much 1mg is in ml if I’ll take the liquid?

Or make my own liquid. Can you take a 25 mg tablet and dissolve it in 25 ml of water? I havent decided yet, feel scared dont want to and know it's not good to mess with this but what to do when you suffer so terribly beyond words. Have to ask how to do it…

 

 

[Catina7]

I'm so sorry you're suffering so much @Dahlia50.  Because your nervous system is so sensitized at the moment, I'm concerned that even 1 mg of Zoloft might give you an adverse reaction.  For a person with a normal nervous system, maybe 1 mg of Zoloft wouldn't be a big deal, but your nervous system is in a very compromised state right now.  I think what you need more than anything are large doses of time, acceptance, and patience.  It's my own personal opinion that it may be an idea you might come to regret.  Of course, the final decision rests with you, and I know you've tagged other members to get their input as well.  But as for me, those are my thoughts.   If it were me, I would concentrate more on how to deal with how I'm feeling at the moment instead of trying Zoloft again.  It looks like you've already had some adverse and paradoxical reactions in the past.

 

What coping skills have you been using to help you?  

Edited April 9 by Catina7

[Ninabird]

5 hours ago, Dahlia50 said:

I'm having a really hard time. Suffering. Feels like my nervous system is out and my brain is fried. Neurological non-functioning. Barely sleeps. Burning and nerve pain 24/7. Torture. I feel like I won't make it through this. 
 

You are not alone. Many of us have the same symptoms and the same fears. Emotions during WD LIE. You would be AMAZED at what the human body is capable of. Try to look at the positive. I know it is easier said than done but it does help. Even if it is only one thing. Hold on to that one thing. If you get a moment of a partial window...savor it. Even if it is just for 2 minutes. SMILE, run to a sunlit window and take the sunshine in. Or step outside and close your eyes. Listen to nature. Smell the spring in the air. Look in the mirror and tell yourself, "I am so proud of you for making it through this day!" You can do this. Thousands came before us. BELIEVE in yourself. I am here for you. 

Nina

[DaBro]

10 hours ago, Dahlia50 said:

 

I think reintatement may be too late

I think so too @Dahlia50  It could even make things worse. Your nervous system has started to reset to ‘drug free’ state and that is what WD is. 
 

katina and Nina bird give good advice. Savour each tiny moment of improvement and know you are not alone in this journey and will recover. 
 

wishing you peace and healing 

[Kaylaq]

We are with you! So sorry for your suffering! 🙏🙏🙏💪💪🥰🥰

[mariamisery]

Hi Dahlia50. Just checking in on you. I really hope you are feeling better. ❤️

[Dahlia50]

@Catina7 Grateful for reply 🙏 I do understand your opinion. Think you're right, may be a risk. But really don't know what to do.

 

I have akathisia (inner turmoil). Does anything help with that? Hyperarousal. Chemical electrical burning current in the head constantly, wonder if its really WD. Nerve pain. I crashed, brain like an injury. Doesent feel much like waves and windows, constant. Read about some who felt worse after 1-2 years and regret not to reinstate. I don't know if I can handle this so I thought I'd try 1mg zoloft. Wish it would help and stabilize. Doctor thought I should try. But having a hard time making decision…

 

Coping skills, tried to walk a little yesterday but can't bear to walk many meters. If I do something it often gets worse the next day. Is it common? Sometimes trying to distract myself. Sorry, feeling bad today, sleep is bad.

[Dahlia50]

@mariamisery Thanks ❤️ 

[BaccatePlayer]

4 minutes ago, Dahlia50 said:

I have akathisia (inner turmoil). Does anything help with that? Hyperarousal. Chemical electrical burning current in the head constantly, wonder if its really WD. Nerve pain. I crashed, brain like an injury. Doesent feel much like waves and windows, constant. Read about some who felt worse after 1-2 years and regret not to reinstate. I don't know if I can handle this so I thought I'd try 1mg zoloft. Wish it would help and stabilize. Doctor thought I should try. But having a hard time making decision…

You can help yourself with that inner turmoil by slowing down your thoughts, avoiding overstimulation and releasing tension from your muscles. As you can probably tell it's nervousness, so your adrenaline flies around too much. Therefore, treat it as anxiety or panic because it's really nothing more than that.

 

Your symptoms can be covered by "withdrawal", the ones you mention are reletable and understandable. Dahlia, there's a lot on your head regarding your condition. Have you thought about setting a specific time (maybe evening or whenever you feel better) to spend it only on the withdrawal topic and then doing what you can not to go back to it before the next scheduled time? Reading other people's stories is not really good when you are wired so hard on panic and compare yourself to others. Success stories may be useful, but even this keeps you in the topic, so maybe this reinstatement idea causes you more stress already than necessary? When I was reading other's topics I kept getting more anxious about my symptoms, this is sometimes even subconscious. Please remember we're here for you and you don't need to rush the decision. Reinstating or not, there'll be a hard time and risk ahead of you anyways. This is still a med you'll have to taper, so really make sure if it's worth it. When I had that electric, chemical burning in the head, it worsened after I added a med, but it slowly got better when I stopped experimenting. This is your brain telling you it has a lot of confusion inside, strong signals. Interpreting the other med actions is even more work for your brain, so be aware that when you take nothing it can't go worse, if you take something it can go worse and when it goes well, it still leaves you with one med to taper that carries a risk again.

 

I know you really want a normal life again and I would take these symptoms from you if I could, but you have to be strong. Whether improvement on its own or from reinstating, this will still take a long time and likely won't fix everything right away. A day, a week, it sounds eternity when we suffer, but you need to be patient. Please, don't fall into desperate relief seeking mindset too much because it's really unhelpful for your agitated mind.

 

21 minutes ago, Dahlia50 said:

Coping skills, tried to walk a little yesterday but can't bear to walk many meters. If I do something it often gets worse the next day. Is it common? Sometimes trying to distract myself. Sorry, feeling bad today, sleep barely works.

Yes, it is common for things to get worse after you do something before. In my case this requires something a bit more intense like excessively panicking, streneous work, sexual activity or prolonged multitasking with heavy thinking, but those who are in more acute states like barely being able to stand up and walk will likely be taxed by even minor stress. That's why I encourage you to work on your worrying, rumminating, panicking and catastrophizing. This will save at least a bit of your CNS stamina which judging by your symptoms is very low right now.

[Dahlia50]

@BaccatePlayer Thanks for your support and advice. Slowing down thoughts and avoiding overstimulation is needed.
 

Feels like my brain is still gassing a lot to keep me alive. Acute thing is sleep, almost impossible to sleep. It's like the brain can't even find sleep. Stressed because I'm losing my job. Never thought I could end up like this.

I was going to move to my boyfriend in another country and instead I got sick and disabled. So it's not just health you lose, also love and income. Heartbreaking.

 

To be this ill but doctors don't believe you. Even 2024. Went home from the hospital with a diagnosis of health anxiety and insomnia. Its so degrading. This triggers the suffering for the worse.

 

It’s true that I worry about condition. Sometimes I wonder if my heart holds. Worry about toxic damage that may take 5 years to heal. Also had another injury years ago. The constant pressure pain in the head, the burning electrical and shaking is the worst. To barely be able to walk. Mostly just rest my head lying in bed, feel like I've been in a car accident. So I'm wondering about severe WD but seems could be. 

It's a form of desperate relief seeking when you’re in this. So so hard to know which way to go. If wait it out, the horror is it will take several years. Maybe it does anyway. Doctor said ”you can't have it like this” and thought I should reinstate. So I don't know either out or in.
 

Thanks for encouraging to work on worrying, panicking and catastrophizing. So true that it will be more difficult otherwise. Have to be patient. I'm a person who hates lying in bed and not being able to do anything, which causes panic and depression. But have no choice. The thought that it could take years, horror. Having such a hard time accepting this happened.
 

So grateful for your wise words of support and reminder of coping skills. Need to get better at it, also for the sake of my poor older parents. I'm in a form of shock from this and in acute WD so pls excuse me if I repeat myself. Thank you for being here 🙏

[BaccatePlayer]

4 minutes ago, Dahlia50 said:

It's like the brain can't even find sleep.

This is a possible mood. There are certain states when we just can't fall asleep, usually the more activating ones like agitation or processing lots of thoughts. During withdrawal you may try to set yourself on more silent mode, but still fail. Don't worry, it used to last days for me, then it lasted 8 hours, then 5, then around 1-2, now it can even be 1-20 minutes. It does get better. Even if you're not falling asleep, just rest and try to relax. You can imagine observing an ocean and a little dancer jumping very, very slowly on the water in an infinite loop with some light bell ringing every two seconds or something similairly simple. Or just focus on your breathing and keep lying on the bed with eyes closed. Obviously not the same as sleeping, but use what you can do. If you don't fall asleep today, maybe next time. You'll still be alive and your body would eventually force some sleep anyways.

 

13 minutes ago, Dahlia50 said:

I'm losing my job. Never thought I could end up like this.

I know this is very upsetting, but remember you're not guilty of it and you can't do much with it either. This is not definite, you will be able to do anything when recovered. Right now, don't let it bother you. If you won't run out of money, that's just a temporary crisis. Many of users here lost jobs and loved ones. Your system doesn't handle stress well now, so postpone thinking about it until you get better cause now is the time for you to heal, not worry.

 

21 minutes ago, Dahlia50 said:

Went home from the hospital with a diagnosis of health anxiety and insomnia.

That's what we'd all face - misunderstanding. They're not worth your frustration. You'll heal without them, I promise you.

 

24 minutes ago, Dahlia50 said:

Maybe it does anyway.

I completely understand your relief seeking. Thing is, the trauma needs a lot of rewiring. When at your worst, acceptance and admitting it's not that bad would be ideal, so that your brain gets the message it is safe and trauma can be healed... but I struggle with it too, everyone during a wave does, so you can't blame yourself for being worried. Even knowing it is harmless withdrawal, we still buy into the trap. Each time you feel bad, your mind remembers it and goes into extreme survival mode. That drives more trauma. Eventually we'll heal, but in the meantime please direct all your efforts into not figuring it out by yourself. It'd be good if you had someone reassuring you at all fronts before your mind even finds questions, but if you can't, keep saying out loud that you're safe. Name all your body parts and describe how they're all functioning regardless of what you feel. I wish you lots of courage so you beat the fear of symptoms.

 

33 minutes ago, Dahlia50 said:

Doctor said ”you can't have it like this” and thought I should reinstate. So I don't know either out or in.

Doctor naturally wants to take action seeing you not improving. This is your decision. Just be aware if that's withdrawal it will improve on its own. If you reinstate you should still be ready for things to end up worse. You'd still recover even after failed reinstating, but it's hard to predict your reaction. Getting on a med, waiting for your reaction - may be long days. If something goes wrong, getting out of a med - even more long days. Personally I wouldn't complicate such situation even further, that would be at least one worry less if you dropped this idea, but if you do please be aware of everything and decide out of rational choice and not from desperate relief seeking. This won't be easy, quick nor pleasant regardless sadly. Ask yourself if you are willing to take the risk and consider how you reacted to substances lately.

 

53 minutes ago, Dahlia50 said:

The thought that it could take years, horror. Having such a hard time accepting this happened.

I know that very well. Just remember to always juxtapose this like this: you either accept whatever comes cause it will happen regardless or you panic achieving nothing but making your next day even worse. Focus on your intentions, you won't eliminate panic and rumminations completely, but spending time on building a habbit of working on them sends the right message to your mind even if you keep failing.

 

56 minutes ago, Dahlia50 said:

So grateful for your wise words of support and reminder of coping skills. Need to get better at it, also for the sake of my poor older parents. I'm in a form of shock from this and in acute WD so please excuse me if I repeat myself. Thank you for being here 🙏

Yes, it is a shock. That's precisely why trauma is so difficult to heal. Your mind double checks so many times if you maybe still need extreme survival mode response in safe spaces. Don't worry, I was repeating myself too. Many keep asking "is this really just withdrawal?", "what if I collapse?" and other worries even long months after being sure they understood their situation. Keep working on your acceptance, composure and remember we're always here and sometimes even rereading how we always disarmed your doubts here can bring you relief during tough moment. Glad I can help, sending lots of healing energy!

[Dahlia50]

@BaccatePlayer Your reply brought a few tears, because you really understand and explain so well. Having someone confirm the suffering helps a little (unlike doctors).

When you say it takes a long time, it hurts my heart but feel in my whole body that this is not a quick fix sadla. When doctors took me off too fast after so many years on zoloft.

 

I’m rereading and note that you disarmed doubts. Sometimes I think it's something you just say but I want to believe that this also applies to me even if I think I'm a severe case. Writing and expressing this is also significant. Thank you, dear.

[BaccatePlayer]

17 minutes ago, Dahlia50 said:

@BaccatePlayer Your reply brought a few tears, because you really understand and explain so well. Having someone confirm the suffering helps a little (unlike doctors).

When you say it takes a long time, it hurts my heart but feel in my whole body that this is not a quick fix. When doctors took me off too fast after so many years on zoloft.

 

I’m rereading and note that you disarmed doubts. Sometimes I think it's something you just say but I want to believe that this also applies to me even if I think I'm a severe case. Writing and expressing this is also significant. Thank you, dear.

I wish doctors were more helpful, but if they aren't, at least we have each other here. This obviously was not meant to upset you, it's just so you don't suffer more than you already have to. False faith would hurt twice, truth does only once. At first I was panicking beyond imagination when I've been receiving advices to accept however long it takes, but this is actually the milestone that changes everything. When you stop fighting it with desperation and embrace the unknown, nothing can break you anymore. I know you might be feeling like your mind rejects it at all cost, you may feel it's a death sentence or punishment especially when you realize how much you already suffered, but everytime you reassure your brain there's no need for desperation or panic it remembers more and more that it's safe to exit the "fight or flight mode". I really mean it when I say you will be back to normal, Dahlia. Mood can change so much. Everyone, whether 8 months, 1.5 years or 4 years in recovery will tell you that it feels like it never ends. If you're still alive, then it's not as severe as you think. Vulnerable CNS panics because it's so concerned about your life, but you survived each day. You're my hero, Dahlia. On top of your situation you have so much love for your parents, so much politeness for me and all of us here. You deserve every minute of fighting for your smile. Soon the sun will see you on a walk enjoying it and all of what's happening now will only seem a bad dream. I'm always praying for you, angel.

[Kaylaq]

Can’t add to the immense wisdom from @BaccatePlayer but to say, heed his advice! 
 

I see you, I hear you! 💪💪🥰🥰 sending you lots of courage and strength to endure this strange journey we are on! 

[Dahlia50]

@BaccatePlayer It wasnt upset tears, it was relief/touched tears when someone understands. I crashed very hard after too fast taper. It’s survival and confusing. Grateful you are here.

 

I love my parents but do not want my suffering to affect them. I’ve always cared and beeing polite but thought I had lost it in my condition. So thanks for pointing that out. "CNS panics because it's so concerned about your life but you survived each day”. You are wise, agree with @Kaylaq 

Thanks for kind words! 🌻

[Dahlia50]

My ”taper” was idiotic after 13 years. The last step from 12.5mg to zero destroyed everything and hell broke loose. Obvioulsy hadn’t researched on this site back then and didn't understand what PAWS was. Regret it every day.

 

After about 3 months crashed, terrible brain/headache and went to the emergency. There was such a big load on my head that neurons, cells or something else was damaged…think I have TBI injury, have all the symptoms.
Brain can't take in impressions and feels outside of everything. Extremely brain tired and burning headache after minimal activity. Cognitive smashed tomato. Disabled. Get…better…. doubtful brain and CNS are sorting this out - in my case.

If only I’d stopped in time, would’t have been in this terrible situation with consequences. Realize the worst thing was to go to hospital for advice (didn't know at the time). Understand in retrospect how wrong it was. Wish I’d asked here instead.
A post of regret today. 💌

[BaccatePlayer]

It's alright Dahlia, now you can forgive yourself and only the better things can happen. You will be there, alive for the whole time. When you finally stabilize, you will be free and you'll know that you won't have to worry about taper anymore. Lots of blood is being pumped to your brain now causing you to feel it's fried because it wants better days for you, it won't handle much now, but you never lost any skills. It's just locked to keep you safe temporarly. We're here with you with any answer you need. Hope you get some rest.

[Dahlia50]

21 minutes ago, BaccatePlayer said:

Lots of blood is being pumped to your brain now causing you to feel it's fried

Thanks @BaccatePlayer Yes, it feels like that.

 

It’s an unpredictable trying roller coaster to say the least. Hope for sleep and that you also get some rest 🙏

[DaBro]

Slow taper is not a ride in a limousine either. I was 12.5 to 0 too. It will all be ok. 
 

do not blame yourself. You had no information to make any decisions. 
 

you will be fine. Let your CNS recover/reset. It’s painful and hard but it is happening. Each day is 1 day closer to normal. 

[Kaylaq]

My mantra for these days, “everyday I’m getting better and better, everyday I am healthier!”  Every time my heart starts beating too fast I repeat this over & over! 
 

hang in there, it has to get better, it just has too!!!!! 💪💪💪💪💕💕💕

[Jaffa]

@Dahlia50

Your courage is getting you through each moment, even though you don’t feel courageous and there is no other option. Your courage is there- writing on this site, feeling all the big scary feelings, surviving each moment one breath at a time ……and you write about it all so beautifully , your state of mind, the brutal pain of it all. 
 

I’m witnessing Dahlia. You’re not alone. Many have gone before you and healed and you will too. ❤️

[Dahlia50]

T h a n k s @Jaffa
How are your WD today? I read in your thread. At first it was not the most important to go off completely. Should have stayed on 12,5mg much longer after a big reduction. Didnt even know this world existed.

Thought I was brave but feel more afraid now. Also at that age when hormones are falling, WD domino effect. I did kind of a c/t, seems harder to recover then.
Negativity goes against my personality but this is unlike anything else. I believe a lot of people here can make it through but I don't know how I'm going to.
Grateful for you kind people and support… 💛

[BaccatePlayer]

13 hours ago, Dahlia50 said:

Didnt even know this world existed.

Thought I was brave but feel more afraid now.

 

13 hours ago, Dahlia50 said:

this is unlike anything else. I believe a lot of people here can make it through but I don't know how I'm going to.

Exactly my thoughts. Keep going Dahlia, nothing to lose anyways.

[Jaffa]

@Dahlia50

On 4/20/2024 at 7:39 AM, Dahlia50 said:

How are your WD today?

Dear Dahlia, it is so complex. I don't want to write so much of my long difficult story on your thread so Ill try to do a short version. After several failed withdrawal attempts (probably seven) over the years, I decided to finally taper to 25mg and just stay there for life; a harm reduction approach. I had children to raise who were wonderful beautiful beings with some confusing complex issues. Each time I reinstated or updosed the Zoloft ( because I was afraid that I couldn't handle the withdrawal)my symptoms would worsen to an unbearable level. I would feel intensely suicidal and couldn't stop pacing. I later learned this was akathisia. The akathisia usually lasted about 3 weeks and then I would get better and return to a pretty good functional baseline. The last two withdrawal attempts started with me at 25mg of Zoloft. When I updosed on these occasions the akathisia lasted 6-8 weeks and then remarkable depression for another 3 months. It was traumatic  each and every time.  

 

In this episode that happened last year I was shocked! I had done an extremely slow careful taper from 50mg to 25mg by 2mg cuts held for 3 months each time. I was feeling confident because I was post menopause and feeling really well for quite a long period 3-4 years. I experienced no withdrawal symptoms through my slow taper despite Melbourne covid lockdowns and stressful home schooling and relationship challenges. I had been at 25mg when some life stress( bladder irritation, partner health scare) caused some activation. I was facing my mums deteriorating health and my children had in the last couple of years been diagnosed with autism( daughter) and sensory processing problems (son). My symptoms were intense:- rapid weight loss, upset stomach, lack of emotion, hyperactivity, hyperalertness. I was terrified and overwhelmed. I tried to wait it out but I only lasted 9 weeks. Once my sleep got worse, everything got worse and I just didn't have any faith that I could continue like that. With zero support and understanding from family, friends and health professionals, it takes a tonne of strength to hold on to your sanity. I even struggled on this website because I was so unwell and couldn't navigate it while so hyperactive. Thats when I introduced mirtazapine 15mg. 

 

The mirtazapine has given me sleep and taken away the intensity of the hyperactivity but it has introduced a list of other symptoms and they are not getting better. I couldn't updose the Zoloft because I was terrified of akathisia. I couldn't go through that again so mirt seemed to be my only option or waiting it out. Off course now, 10 months on, I wish I hadn't started mirt because while my symptoms are more manageable , I have not returned to my former self. I feel no joy. I feel shrouded in a cloud of darkness. Everything looks dark in my life and I have to keep reminding myself that its the drugs and its not real. Mornings are horrible. I wake with restless legs and jerking movements and a sinking feeling in my chest. Rarely a day goes by when I don't cry. I manage to work two days a week but I don't enjoy it like I used to. I'm pushing myself through the day everyday to stay here, to overcome, to persevere, to show up for my kids, to fight and act like I'm ok even though I'm feeling extremely depressed and lost. It feels like Im in no mans land; stuck on drugs that arn't helping and too scared to taper from this place of suffering. I try to keep doing life despite it all. I'm confused about whats actually going on. Am I experiencing Zoloft withdrawal, desensitisation, brain injury? Is this awful morning stuff from the mirtazapine? Is the lack of feeling good things from the mirtazapine or the long term damage to receptors from Zoloft? 

 

Sorry Dahlia, this is too long and your poor tired soul can barely manage to read it Im sure. Just to finish; You are off these terrible drugs and you will heal. I envy you because you are way ahead of me in the journey. You are doing the hard part now and feeling like you can't go on but you are doing it -the thing I fear so much. You are so strong and so gentle and kind. I just know you are going to slowly improve and you won't have to worry about all this hell anymore. That sounds so amazing as I type it. Truly! As hard as it is , you are breathing, and eating and your heart is beating. Remember that. Stroke your arms and legs and thank them because they are ok and they are doing their thing. Keep going friend. You really are going to survive this and be a light to many others. Sending love 

[Jaffa]

@Dahlia50

Just a nice short message to let you know that I'm thinking of you. What is the weather like where you are? Are you able to get outside and feel the sun on your shoulders? If you do then know that your skin is taking in some healing vitamin D. Go barefoot on the grass and know that the earth is holding you. Drink lots of water, filtered if possible and hydrate those cells. A few more things that might help:- use an electrolyte once a day. Good for energy and restoration. A heat pack or hot water bottle on the solar plexus can be soothing. Lying on your back with your bottom pressed against the wall and legs up the wall activates the parasympathetic nervous system. Do this for 5- 10 minutes. Eat 1 or 2 Brazil nuts a day for selenium. 

[Dahlia50]

Thanks @Jaffa 

Intresting to hear your story. It becomes complex when you taper with complications and also affects life in general. Understand your decision to stay on 25mg when you have kids to raise.

 

My problems started when I had an adverse reaction after doschanges and probably akathisia and suicidal thoughts (for the first time).  So I really understand your fear of updose.

Struggled at home with brutal WD symptoms but didn't dare to go back. I felt bad from the substance and WD. But it was when I went from 12.5mg to zero that hell broke loose on another level. Then came the crash, traumatic and shocking.
Not planned to taper like this and it turned out to be a mistake. Too much suffering. 

You are a fighter for your kids. Understand it takes a lot of energy under these circumstances.

I also wonder if it’s zoloft that caused damage or caused by too fast taper and neurotoxic damage. I may have tardive akathisia. I feel in no mans land too. Don't know if I'll ever come back, really miss myself.

 

Thanks for kind words and support,

sending strength and love🌿

[Dahlia50]

@Jaffa The weather is nice with some sun but it's not warm yet, usually gets better in May.
Unfortunately, can't go out much now as I only walk a short distance. I go along in the car sometimes as a passenger to get environmental change. 
It must be nice to be able to go to the beach in Australia, I like beaches, ocean and flip flops.
I drink a lot of water and take vitamin D supplement. I’m going to buy some Brazil nuts. Thanks for sweet consideration and good advice 💛

[Jaffa]

On 4/23/2024 at 11:54 PM, Dahlia50 said:

Understand your decision to stay on 25mg when you have kids to raise.

 

Yes @Dahlia50 but lately I'm annoyed with myself for not trying to get completely off the zoloft sooner and be done with it. I have sacrificed a lot for my children as most mothers do but I wonder if it was wise to just stay on the Zoloft. Im worried now that I may be a disabled 70 year old one day with treatment resistant depression and my poor kids will have to face that!

 

I know that you would be feeling that you did the wrong thing jumping off at 12.5 but I'm not sure that awful withdrawal doesn't come for us all at some point, despite a slow taper. There is often a big lag in the time that symptoms present. That's certainly been my experience. 

 

I do love the beaches in Australia. We are so lucky. Sometimes you can be on a beach all by yourself. They are pristine and beautiful. You will walk on the beach again one day. I know you will. Where are you from?

 

I hope and pray that you are feeling some better moments no matter how tiny.

[Dahlia50]

19 hours ago, Jaffa said:

I have sacrificed a lot for my children as most mothers do but I wonder if it was wise to just stay on the Zoloft. Im worried now that I may be a disabled 70 year old one day with treatment resistant depression and my poor kids will have to face that!

 

I know that you would be feeling that you did the wrong thing jumping off at 12.5 but I'm not sure that awful withdrawal doesn't come for us all at some point, despite a slow taper. There is often a big lag in the time that symptoms present. That's certainly been my experience. 

@Jaffa Understand what you mean. But I think you did the right thing. May not be worth the risk.

 

Yes, I feel I did the wrong thing going zero. Different level. Didn't know about the delayed effect.
It's true, you can get horrible WD even if you go slowly.

 

I’m also worried about becoming diabled. Thought about treatment resistant depression too. And Tardive dystonia. Can you really get enough of your own serotonin back after many years and fast taper…

 

You’re lucky to have the beaches. I’m from Norway.
Hoping for beaches and flip flops again one day… 🏖️

🙏

 

[Jaffa]

On 4/26/2024 at 6:22 AM, Dahlia50 said:

Can you really get enough of your own serotonin back after many years and fast taper…

@Dahlia50 I know two personally who have have healed from these drug injuries and I have to believe that I can too. It took five years for both of them but their drug history was long and involved several drugs. The question is never will you heal as much as it is when!! How do we bare the suffering in the meantime? My only way to cope is to take this one day at a time, one step, one breath at a time. I took myself out to a cafe for lunch today and I felt so strange the whole time. I sat in the sun and ate this healthy delicious meal but I could feel no good feelings. I distracted myself with a news paper but I could hear the conversation at the next table and I felt so lonely and disconnected from love and friendship by contrast. This journey feels like solitary confinement. 

 

Do you feel a little bit of ease in your symptoms at night time? I wonder what your symptom pattern is like. Do you keep a diary? 

 

Thinking of you in the midst of my own pain and hoping that you are coping and receiving some in person support. 

 

Jaffa

[Dahlia50]

I’m now off for 7 months. Still regret going off the way I did, unfortunate. Worst thing happened in my life, ruined everything. Not worth risking health and life and put life into danger. Was afraid going back because of akatasia and such. Thougt it would go away, didn't know how serious WD can be. Apparently the doctor didn't have a clue either.

 

Not a positive post today. Severe WD. Havent had windows. Yesterday perhaps the worst day so far. Screamed and cried all day (crying spells) in front of my parents. Does anyone else get breakouts? It’s unlike me, normally calm and civilize. Akathisia-like, despair and shock at feeling stuck, suicidal thoughts. Was on my way to hospital but wanted to go home and sleep instead.
 

Pain whole body, stiffness in neck/back and difficulty walking, obviously neurological impact. Not myself, dont look like I did. Think cells died or something.

Worst is my head/brain. Like the brain collapsed, like I hit my head hard. Maybe had more vulnerability to it, exhaustion. Still chemical, intensity with really bad pressure, current. Nerves in the neck and down the back. Brain feels weird (almost lobotomized) sometimes like it's going to shut down. Behavior is kind of different, think about TBI injury. Cognitive and memory is poor, barely remember what my life was 7 months ago. Interests and normal things not there, everything revolves around rest, eat, sleep get through the day. Poor perception of time. Fatigue.

 

In the car (as a passenger) through town the other day, sad when I saw "normal life" and places I’d been to. Feeling depressed but I can see clearly (dizzy brain fog though) so I'm low because I see what I can't participate in, far away from it. Sleep has been a disaster but last 2 days I have slept Ok several hours. More strong anxiety than before the last few days, (different than usual anxiety).

 

My parents and brother know this is caused by zoloft/fast taper to zero, never been like this before. They want me back. In my case it will be difficult and afraid I will never be myself again. Missing my nieces and nephews. Have a doctor now who understands a bit of this but feels a little too late.

 

Dont know if there is a way out and scared to be sick and disabled many years. 

[Dahlia50]

@Jaffa 

3 hours ago, Jaffa said:

I sat in the sun and ate this healthy delicious meal but I could feel no good feelings. I distracted myself with a news paper but I could hear the conversation at the next table and I felt so lonely and disconnected from love and friendship by contrast. This journey feels like solitary confinement. 

Well described, recognize it.

 

Usually calms down a little in the evenings/nights. I wrote a diary the first 3 months but then I lost it when it became worse. It’s a good thing to keep track of symptoms…

 

Grateful for kind support to me and others. In the midst of your own pain, wish it gets better and goes away soon. 💛🌿

 

 

[Kaylaq]

Sending you strength, courage & compassion to get through another day!  💪💪🥰🥰
I have been speaking & writing affirmations each day to give myself some positive reinforcement. “everyday I’m getting better and stronger” 

I listen to healing frequencies especially for the nervous system, this one has been helping me sleep. I use it with ear pods on low.  https://youtu.be/xsfyb1pStdw?feature=shared  
 

I cleaned up my diet also, not easy! We do whatever we can to help our bodies heal! 
 

🥰🥰🥰🥰 

[Dahlia50]

Thank you @Kaylaq 🧡 Thanks for the healing sleep.

[Jaffa]

13 hours ago, Dahlia50 said:

Akathisia-like, despair and shock at feeling stuck, suicidal thoughts. Was on my way to hospital but wanted to go home and sleep instead.

Sounds beyond horrible. Im so sorry you are suffering at this level. Iv'e read many times that after six months off you get hit with the most acute withdrawal phase. You are in acute withdrawal. This is a phase and it will pass. Im here for you. 

 

13 hours ago, Dahlia50 said:

Still chemical, intensity with really bad pressure, current. Nerves in the neck and down the back. Brain feels weird (almost lobotomized) sometimes like it's going to shut down

Iv'e heard it described  as your head feels like its in a vice. This sounds like what you are experiencing. Not being able to walk must feel so frightening. This is not permanent. This is your brain and body shutting down so that there is energy for healing. 

 

13 hours ago, Dahlia50 said:

Sleep has been a disaster but last 2 days I have slept Ok several hours

Whew! Some sleep is good for your healing. Your body is working this out. Sorry to hear that the anxiety increased. I think the anxiety is the worst symptom for me and I fear it.

 

13 hours ago, Dahlia50 said:

My parents and brother know this is caused by zoloft/fast taper to zero, never been like this before. They want me back

This is nothing short of AMAZING! You have the support of your parents and brother and they believe you. They believe you over the doctors. Im so pleased that you have this. Yes they want you back because they love you and they are probably feeling very afraid seeing you in this state. Could your brother join The Inner Compass. This will provide support and advice for family members caring for someone in withdrawal. There is a bunch of resources there for them. 

 

13 hours ago, Dahlia50 said:

Have a doctor now who understands a bit of this but feels a little too late.

At least he understands. Does he have a copy of The Maudsley Deprescribing Guidelines? This will increase his knowledge and understanding. 

 

13 hours ago, Dahlia50 said:

Dont know if there is a way out and scared to be sick and disabled many years. 

I understand that feeling. Its terrible. You are not alone. Please believe me that things will slowly improve. In a months time your symptom pattern will be different. 

Sending love and the warmest of healing thoughts I can possibly muster. Hold on . You are doing this, making it through each day.