☼ Cymbaltawithdrawal5600: Introduction

December 31, 2013

Hi CW,

Just to say that I am thinking about you, and wishing you blessings ..

Blessings of wellness, of healing, of patience, of peace, of love ..

I can not reach to touch the inner child in you, who is in need of comfort,

but I can hold you in thought and prayer.. This will get better, and pass ..

Please, do not loose your faith that it will ..

♥♫♪♥*♫♪♥*ℒℴѵℯ ♥ Lexicon

December 31, 2013

Oh Lexicon,

Your note is so sweet and thank you. I'd like to think because of your care that my day went a bit better today. Blessings to you too!

December 31, 2013

Hi CW, I'm so glad your day went a little better and hope today is even better still.

I think about you every day and look for your updates to see how you are doing.

Love and hugs from MammaP. X

December 31, 2013

Hi mammaP and all,

It is hard to update anything because there is not much to say. I do not seem to have the words like I used to and nothing is changing very much for me, or at least it is changing very slowly. I still crawl through the days. I am not in a fog but I cannot keep my mind engaged on anything for very long. I still do not have much of an appetite but I manage to get food in me. I go out for a walk, I have to start pushing myself to go out twice a day. I am taking care of a friend's dog while she babysits her grandkids for New Years Eve across the state. I cannot remember the last time I did anything for New Years, I think I have been withdrawing from activities for a long time, many years. I got so involved with playing with computers that I lost touch with people.

It is so very hard not to think about the future and just concentrate on today. I have so much to clean up around the house and some days I don't get much done except the little boxes and the dishes. I sit with my mom a lot and she tells me about her life, stuff I had forgotten or never knew. We don't talk about my dad anymore. Thankfully I got all of that out of my system and am at peace with it, whatever happened with me that made me the person that I am.

Last night I had to go out after dark to accept a furniture delivery for my friend and I was so pleased that I did not have any anxiety about it. The delivery guys were very nice and I sent my friend a picture in a text so she could see it. And earlier in the day I had to take the other friend's dog to get her foot checked at the vet. She was in such a state when she came over because the dog was licking it and limping. Turned out to be nothing so far.But she was relieved when I called her later and told her.

Funny thing is, I have received so much money and gifts from my customers for Christmas. So I have no money worries. My few physical symptoms are minor. It is just the lack of emotion and motivation that are present now that is a struggle. Things are so much slower now that I am not using caffeine.

Sorry but this is as much of an update as I can provide right now. Still primarily reading the forum because it is real people sharing their stories. Some threads I have to just skim because they are so heartbreaking and I don't have any advice to offer besides patience and time. The same things I am doing for myself. I have a few websites I read (or skim) and I have to say that a lot of what I read is mystifying. Popular culture nowadays is really weird and new gadgets don't interest me anymore, they are so strange and I do not need them, thank goodness.

January 1, 2014

Pretty low mood yesterday, I went out to the grocery to get mom and I some shrimp cocktail. Could not even hardly look at any of the food. Stopped in at the craft store intending to get some pencils for drawing and had to leave there too. Have to leave that for another day it seems. Came home and had a good cry which relieved the mood a bit. I have really felt myself slow down a lot lately, not so hyped up on caffeine. And the slowness is ok.

I had some concerns that it would be very noisy here with fireworks and loud music. But it was ok, the noise was sporadic and I slept through most of it. Went to bed around 10 and woke up about 2 or 3 and then dozed after that until it was light. I have started to use 2 staggered pillows under my head and shoulders and the pressure on my ears is relieved. That is good. Had a bit of agitation which was relieved by sipping mag water. I am so very glad that it still helps me. The warm milk does the trick too.

If this is the way to get through this then it is not so bad. All I have to worry about is today. Anything in the future is too hard to think about, so I will have to wait until it comes.

January 5, 2014

My days have been about the same, the low mood hits sometimes in the morning, today started out that way. My sleep was a bit better last night, slept a little longer than the night before but still waking before the sun is up and then dozing lightly after that. It helped that I had work yesterday, which went pretty well. The coordination is coming back into my hands, thank goodness!

I notice that at times my memory is a little slow but eventually things work if I just be patient and not get upset. Cannot seem to get involved in hard thinking on stuff like the workings of the computer which I used to do, but I imagine that will get better. Finding it hard to fill up the day with anything besides a little TV and light reading of topics on a few websites. A lot of the news is pretty dismal and I have to skim past a lot of it.

I have added more walking to my routine and that is helping me get more rest at night. The weather report says we are going to get some of that cold weather in a couple of days, they said 30's in our area. Might not get that cold here because we are close to water. Have plenty of blankets and space heaters if we need them. Today is a really warm day and the sun is shining brightly. Had to keep the blinds closed this morning because for some reason it was hurting my eyes a bit, but it is ok now.

I do not really have much to report but I thought I would give an update anyway, just to keep track of my progress. Wish it were faster but accepting each day as it comes.

January 5, 2014

Hi Cw, you are not going to believe this but you sound so much better.

You were in a really bad place a few months ago and it is good to see you getting better.

You are getting along with your mom which is really good and makes me feel warm inside,

it is lovely that you are connecting after all this time. It's good that you are getting out and

about and that your co-ordination is coming back.

This wave is on it's way out I'm sure of it, the window will be wide open in the not too distant

future, I'm sure of it. Hugs. MammaP XX

January 5, 2014

Thanks mammaP, I am still fighting as best I can to do the right things.

January 20, 2014

I kind of feel like Petu mentioned once, I don't like to visit and post in my topic anymore. Mainly because it reminds me of someone I used to be and am not anymore. As I go through the days, all my memories seem to be tainted by regret, shame, negativity. I think that may be why I crave sleep so much, it is a way to turn the thinking off if only for a short time. Only getting about 6 hours at a stretch most nights and then lie awake till it is light and am too sore from lying down so I get up.

Have had the heat on almost constantly because we had that really cold spell of weather. It is letting up a bit now. Found I was getting really dehydrated and started pushing the water, especially at night, which means I have to get up and pee. My body seems to have gotten really flabby overnight from lack of activity so I have been trying to walk more but even that is a struggle. Everything is an effort that I really don't want to make.

I am sitting some dogs last couple of days at my house and I find them very irritating. Seems like anger and irritation are the primary emotions I have now. I have a cat and his constant whining for food is upsetting, especially when I put it down and he doesn't want it for some reason. He gives me no comfort, never has really. Growls when I pick him up, always did that. Have had cats for about 20 years now and I am tired of the cat food smell and the litter box cleaning. Seems like that is all I do anymore.

I read Petu's posting in "Quotes on Illness" and was actually jealous that she had access to higher, abstract emotions like that. I feel like all of my good emotions have fled and left me with nothing and will never come back. Still can't read much except I constantly look for new postings here and have to skip a lot of them because they are too despairing (or mention topics I don't want to find myself thinking about). Knowing that I am not alone in this doesn't make me feel any better. People who used to post here and have gotten better have lives to live and just don't visit anymore. Even if they did I don't know if I could find any hope there.

One of the reasons I don't want to post is that I am so full of negativity right now. Anhedonia takes the joy out of even thinking of trying anything, and doing the simplest things is an effort sometimes. When I am around people I can listen to their conversations but can't relate to any of it. How weird that that is a part of this.

One thing that has gotten better: I was having loose stools all this time till my mom pointed out that I was wolfing my food down. I stopped it and things are firmer now. I can taste most things but eating is a chore too. Still having body temperature problems.

I still have friends that care about me, that is a plus. But they are living their lives and can't really help me pull through this. I just have to keep going through the days. I'd love to be able to sleep more soundly but I am grateful for what I get, some here don't even get that. It is true that the body can adjust to less sleep.

Have not have had any caffeine or sweetener since this all started. I hope that helps. I try to just stay in the day because thinking about anything in the future is distressing. I still don't like to go anywhere but make myself go to the store and do the jobs I have because I have to. I really didn't want to write this update but here it is. At least those who visit here will have something to read, as I do when others post here.

January 20, 2014

I've been thinking about you CW and wondering how you are doing, hoping that you were

getting on with and enjoying life a little. I'm sorry to hear that you are still in this wave.

I think the anger is good in a way, it means that you are feeling something, even if it

isn't what you want to feel!

I'm glad you updated but sorry you are still feeling bad. I think it's good that you are

staying in the day, each day has it's own anxieties without worrying about the next day,

week or month when you feel so low.

Do you improve as the day goes on? I am awful in the mornings but get a bit better as the

day progresses and feel not bad by 8 or 9. pm A few of us seem to be like that, no idea why

but I'm grateful that I get some time in the day not feeling too bad.

I know you are tired and want to jump off the surfboard but keep riding that wave and it will break

eventually, hopefully very soon.

January 21, 2014

I know you didn't feel like updating, but thank you for doing it anyway. I often think about you and wonder how you are doing, I had a feeling it wasn't well, I wish there was more I could do or write. But I'm not doing well either, not up to writing much, struggling with my own symptoms, lack of control, fear and confusion about what is going on with me, us, the whole world.

I'm actually feeling so bad this morning I don't have it in me to do a proper quote so..........

"I read Petu's posting in "Quotes on Illness" and was actually jealous that she had access to higher, abstract emotions like that. I feel like all of my good emotions have fled and left me with nothing and will never come back."

I'm sorry my post made you feel bad, I often worry that some of the things which 'fall out of me' will somehow be seen as a reflection of me. There were no higher emotions involved, no bliss or joy or anything pleasant. For a few moments, something seemed to take over, push me aside and start dictating what I should type. Then it was like 'Where did that come from?' Then spent the rest of the day feeling sick, dizzy, going hot and cold, trying to eat, distracting myself by reading a very long, old intro thread (on here), while I waited for my symptoms to subside for the day so I could go out and buy a few things from the grocery store.

I get jealous of people who are still able to do some paid work, study, take care of pets, cook decent meals on a regular basis, watch TV, exercise, maintain relationships with friends because it seems to me that those activities are the source of good feelings.

I've also been without my good emotions for a very long time and have been faced with having to admit and endure a lot of horrible ones, especially jealousy and anger, two which have been particularly taboo in my own value system. Very tiny, minute glimmers of the good emotions have just started to come back occasionally, sometimes in the evenings in response to something I might watch or listen to, it gives me some much needed hope.

I'm stumbling around in the dark here like many others, surviving day by day, moment by moment, but I do think this is a process and there are patterns. The bad part has to run its course and for a while, it seems like that is all there is, all there is ever going to be. But then once in a while, something feels ok again for a few seconds and then there is a moment of hope or exhilaration or deep peace, then its gone again, and its like it was never there. But it was, I remember, so I hang onto those little memories.

I think this may happen with you in time, the good feelings will start to come back. When they do, even if its just a few seconds of feeling ok, take notice and realize that's the direction your brain/nervous system is heading in as fast as it possibly can.

January 21, 2014

Hi Petu,

What you wrote the other day really did not make me feel "bad", it was more of a realization of the contrast between how I used to think or feel and how I feel now. I don't seem to have any connection to anything anymore. Nothing feels "good", it all feels the same, tinged with negativity I guess. It is so disheartening to realize that you don't feel well either. Just because I get out and walk, feed my cat, do some of my jobs, doesn't mean I get any 'good' feelings. They are just things that have to be done. Things that cross my mind upset me and telling myself I did the best I could doesn't help at all, because I constantly judge against myself when memories come up, lots of regret for things I cannot go back and change.

I really admire the things you write to help people here and knowing how I feel, thinking that you are facing the same struggles, I am amazed that you write as well as you do. There are a lot of things here I just cannot read at all, they are too alarming for me. Heck, lots of things alarm me nowadays so that is not a surprise. Last night the refrigerator was making a funny ticking sound and when I went to investigate, I found it was the defrost heater in the freezer. I moved some stuff and could see the coil glowing bright red and it freaked me out! No sleep after that.

I remember the reason I asked for medication was because I knew I was depressed, I cried all of the time. Lost a few jobs because of that. None of us knew meds would leave us like this. And none of us know how long it will take for things to get better. I really wish that my anger would not come bubbling up but it does anyway. I'm sad that it seems to be directed at my cat because it is not his fault. At least I don't hit him so that must speak to my higher nature, right?

MammaP, I do have some times of the day when I feel just neutral, neither good or bad. Usually later in the day as seems to be the way for a lot of us. How you manage to do as well as you do with all of your sleep problems is a testament to your strong nature. My problems are minor in comparison! Sleep is such a delicate thing for all of us here. For me it is the main focus of my day.

It is warming up here during the day but still getting cold at night. I used to love winter here after the long hot summers, but I am not enjoying this one. Having the heat on so much is dehydrating me and because of the cortisol fluctuations, I can't maintain a good body temperature. Bundle up - get too hot. Less bundling - get too cold. Body has a mind of it's own and I can't satisfy it all of the time. Such is life.

January 25, 2014

Hello CW,

This has been a long, difficult wave for you. It's okay to cry, it's okay to take time for yourself. It's okay to laugh, too! It's okay to nourish yourself (food, air, sunlight, water).

I encourage you to find something sensual you enjoy. It may be laying in bed an extra 5 minutes, or maybe it is the taste of salt or sweet on your tongue. Maybe you would like doing a yoga pose - just ONE, that opens up your breath and spine and helps your pain. My favorite is to pat my soft cat (she's very amenable), but maybe you prefer to walk barefoot on thick grass, or warm sand. The only craft I ever did was to pretend to be a painter - but I enjoyed mixing the colors to get a color I enjoyed, or to match one on my inner sight. Sight, sound, touch, taste, smell.

It's the little things that save your life. Close your eyes, then open them. What is the first color you see?

Thinking of you,

JanCarol

January 29, 2014

Hello CW, checking in to leave you a hug if you need it. I hope you are ok and your wave is

passing by.

Mamma hugs. XXX

January 30, 2014

Hi JanCarol and mammaP,

Thank you both for stopping by my thread. Things (if they are getting better) are doing so so slowly that there seems to be no change. I read new postings here several times a day but don't post anything because I have nothing to say. I just don't want to add another desperate chronicle to what is already posted here. I had a few days of tearfulness earlier in the week and it seemed to relieve some of the stress I feel inside.

I just feel depressed, anhedonic and apathetic. I do things only because I have to and there is truly nothing that I want to do. Eat because I have to, get out and walk a bit for the same reason. Manage to keep it together when I need to be around people so mostly they think I am ok. Am now able to watch a little TV and I mean little. Most of what is on the free cable we get here is simply dreadful crap. The whole of my day, if there is nothing I have to do, is mindlessly playing solitaire and reading this forum.

I just really did not want to post anything because it is not much improvement. Time seems to be passing but I am getting nothing accomplished except staying alive. For my mom, I guess. After that, I don't see anything getting much better. My body is getting really flabby from all of the sitting around and at times my legs really ache. I do the best I can but it does not seem to be enough. I want to sleep all of the time but that makes my legs ache worse.

I have recently been able to take mag glycinate tablets, about 300 mg after my meals. And 500 mg. vit C. Last night was the first night in I can't remember that I didn't have scalding sweats. That is a bit of an improvement. Sleep at 10pm, still waking at between 3 and 4. This morning tried to sleep more and ended up having weird dreams.

Nothing could have ever prepared me for this. I really feel for all of the members here. I wish I had something positive to say for everyone.

January 30, 2014

Hi C.

Thanks so much for your nice and speedy reply. Yes, u r right, my posts are read, , and I wondered too if there were no good answers, which is scary too, is so helpful to have interaction with others suffering along this path. one connection can be such a God send, esp at a critical time.

Are you tapering or off meds now, if willing to share?

I am sorry for your struggles.

I am pulling for others recovery too.

Thnx again. EO

January 30, 2014

Hang in there CW, I see this wave as another stage in healing.
I've seen you go through various stages that have been very hard for you and I've felt for
you and suffered with you. I have to remind myself that it is all changing and a part of getting better,
so I'm reminding you too. :wub: .

I don't know if you like jigsaw puzzles but I quite like this site when I'm in my anhedonic state.
http://www.jigzone.com/

I sometimes choose a jigsaw and start with the minimum number of pieces and make it more
and more difficult by changing the layout or number of pieces. One time I had my goal to see if I
could complete the most difficult one of all ( No, didn't manage it, lol )
It is a distraction when nothing else seems do-able.

Big extra squishy Mamma hugs. xx

Edited January 30, 2014 by Petu
fixed link

January 31, 2014

I remember this stage well keep doing what your doing less sweating even for one night is a hopeful sign. Your right of course nothing prepares a person for this and it is easy to see why people don't believe it when you tell them too as it is unbelievable except it is real.

This entire experience is nothing that is common to man that I can see and mans inability to believe it allows it too continue. My line of thought is not helping you any mostly I just wanted to say I have been there to and it does end. I think that would have been the only thing I wanted to hear when I was in the place you are...it will get better. I wish you peace.

January 31, 2014

Mag glycinate is more effective taken in divided doses throughout the day.

Please try to walk at least 1/2 hour per day. This will help your nervous system and improve circulation in your legs. Spending long hours at the computer can be harmful in many ways. Please take care of yourself.

February 1, 2014

Alto,

It means a lot to me that you took the time to leave a comment in my thread. I feel pretty awful all of the time and although I try to take care of myself, I don't have much heart in it. How odd that my mental state feels like I hate everything, including myself. I am certainly upset at how badly my body has deteriorated and so quickly, I must be losing muscle tone because my skin in starting to hang.

I take the mag glycinate 100 mg after my meals, not all at one time. I think it helps with the palpitations and the body aches, especially in my legs. I had been walking everyday but not for the past few days as it has been raining and I can sure feel it.

I just do not want to do anything it seems except sleep. But the only sleep I get is at night with the early awakening, and I do not feel rested. If I try to sleep at any other time I get weird, upsetting dreams. Still getting the odd temperature sensations, I can feel ok then get hot or have chills when it is not cold in the room. My mental state is bleak. I get memories and they are all colored by how it is now, none of them have any good feeling associated with them. That is the biggest thing, no comforting memories or good feelings when I do anything. This is why I have nothing to say and do not post very often.

My friends say I am getting better. They can see something I can't or it may be because they can't feel my mental state. I get irritated easily over the smallest things and especially with my cat. He doesn't deserve it, I know. Everything seems fraught with danger and mental anxiety.

Sure is a hard way to live. Thanks again for all who have checked in on my thread. You all have no idea how much I think about everyone here and wish I could help. Funny thing is that I always wanted to be a healer. this is something I cannot seem to do in this state of being. Can't get out of myself to do any good for others.

February 1, 2014

Those on the outside can't see it. I accepted that at some point I never liked it but I accepted it and that gave me some peace of an odd sort. I also thought at the time this may be how my life will be from now on and how am I going to deal with it? I never did get a good plan on how to deal except maybe to move the goal posts so I was not expecting anything different as it went on so long and to keep a very small corner open for the possibility maybe it would get a bit better some day. I resigned myself to the facts as they were and did a hit and miss attempts to do try some things every now and then... like relaxation or tapping (eft) I found on utube in some way I can't explain I think the tapping helped a tiny bit. I was at least attempting something.

It will change it will end I promise you this it will end.

February 1, 2014

About the cat I had one too and totally get this I was blessed to have a great cat she lived to be 30 years old and seen me through all this and I loved that cat like nobody knows yet there were times I could not stand her as she wanted to touch me and wanted me to interact and I just could not do it. Like you I felt torn even when I was going thru it that she did not deserve this.. she was a one person cat did not like other people much so she really missed me being there for her. When I came out of this stage of healing I made it up to her luckily animals who love us are completely forgiving and on some level I think she knew I was not myself. She will be there when this passes and you can make it up to her. Through thick and thin that is how cat are and thank God they are if she were ill you would make allowances for her and she will be there ready when you are

February 1, 2014

30 years old!!!!!

cw, please try to get out more and walk, maybe in a shopping center?

When do you go to bed?

February 2, 2014

I just do not want to do anything it seems except sleep. But the only sleep I get is at night with the early awakening, and I do not feel rested. If I try to sleep at any other time I get weird, upsetting dreams. Still getting the odd temperature sensations, I can feel ok then get hot or have chills when it is not cold in the room. My mental state is bleak. I get memories and they are all colored by how it is now, none of them have any good feeling associated with them. That is the biggest thing, no comforting memories or good feelings when I do anything. This is why I have nothing to say and do not post very often.

I've been like this from November 2011 up until just very recently. Most of my recovery so far has taken place before I knew this site existed, before I had any idea I might still be in withdrawal from quitting Lexapro too fast in 2010. I know exactly what you mean about memories being clouded by the current mood. Its like constantly looking through a pair of dark, muddy glasses, at the past, at the future.... I want my rose colored ones back

Just lately, and I mean over the last month maybe, I'm starting to feel the very occasional glimmer of hope. Its difficult to put into words because its not like any previous kind of hope or way of thinking about the future, but very, very, slowly, the clouds are starting to get little breaks in them and the sky behind them is a new sky, and I think its ok. This will happen for you too, when the time is right.

My memories of the past are also starting to change too. This is also difficult to put into words, but its like my old way of understanding, just about everything, is now digging around in my past and rearranging that, to come into line with my new view. Perhaps before it was able to do that, everything had to be made bad, or somehow have a cloud of doubt thrown over it so that I would be willing to let go of some false ideas about things. I'm not certain about what's going on or how this all works, but I find that when I'm able to relax about the process and trust that everything is evolving the way its supposed to, its a bit easier to deal with.

I've written this before in various posts, but I believe that for some of us, whether we like it or not, this experience of drug withdrawal acts as a catalyst for change and growth on a deeper level, where something separate from our own will is running the show. It can be a very humbling experience to learn, beyond a shadow of a doubt that something else, rather than me is in control of my life.

I'm starting to see how taking drugs, to change the way my brain works, was one more way I tried to control something which wasn't mine to control. Instead I should have been learning how to accept myself the way I am and make my life work with the personality and nature I was born with. I messed up big time, not entirely my fault, I didn't get the help I needed, but this seems to be some kind of second chance. Maybe you could look at it the same way. Or discover your own individual version of the bigger picture.

You all have no idea how much I think about everyone here and wish I could help. Funny thing is that I always wanted to be a healer. this is something I cannot seem to do in this state of being. Can't get out of myself to do any good for others.

There are a lot of different kinds of healers in the world and you will be, you are a healer right now, healing yourself. But before we can really help anyone else to heal, we have to heal ourselves. When you post here, from the place you are at in your healing journey, you are leaving tracks for others to follow, helping them to find comfort and security along the way.

CW, I know how much you are suffering, I've been there and still am a lot of the time. I think about you often and wonder how you are doing, but know there's nothing I can do until you reach out for help, and even then, I can only point out a few possible directions.

You don't have to get out of yourself to do good for others. Get out of yourself to do good for you, first, and then the rest will follow.

February 4, 2014

Thank you btdt for the notes. My cat does only just tolerate me, he has always been standoffish and not friendly, even tho I raised him from a kitten. He is no comfort and I don't think that will change. As for me changing, I have no hope at this time that my better feelings will return. Inside, I have given up tho I hide it from most of the world. I hate how I feel, dark and empty inside, sometimes anger bubbles up.

Alto, I have a perfectly good place to walk right here but when it is raining I won't go out. The nearest shopping center is 30 mi away and I just won't go.

Petu, thanks for trying to help. I don't know what I need except to feel better and some solid sleep. That is why I don't ask for help. It is apathy, I know. I just do not want to do anything. I do only what I have to do and not much else.

Sorry that I feel so cranky this morning, I am on edge too because of very interrupted sleep. Maybe it will be better this evening.....

February 4, 2014

Alto,

I just remembered this question from you:

When do you go to bed?

I go to bed at 10p every night, have been for the last couple of months, and stay there till about 7-7:30 am regardless. Some nights get 5-6 hours sleep till I awake near 4 am. I don't know what else to do. I fall asleep easily at 10 but in the early morning hours I only doze. I am disheartened by this and feel bad because I am sleeping better than some here are. I guess it is my wish to blot out a bigger section of time that I am aware of my situation that gets me upset.

If I try staying awake till later, all it does is get me less sleep because of the early morning awakening. Unable to nap during the day, too restless. I guess if I were to be honest, I am doing as well as can be expected with sleep and can function ok during the day. It is my mental state that has me down.

February 5, 2014

Thank you btdt for the notes. My cat does only just tolerate me, he has always been standoffish and not friendly, even tho I raised him from a kitten. He is no comfort and I don't think that will change. As for me changing, I have no hope at this time that my better feelings will return. Inside, I have given up tho I hide it from most of the world. I hate how I feel, dark and empty inside, sometimes anger bubbles up.

Alto, I have a perfectly good place to walk right here but when it is raining I won't go out. The nearest shopping center is 30 mi away and I just won't go.

Petu, thanks for trying to help. I don't know what I need except to feel better and some solid sleep. That is why I don't ask for help. It is apathy, I know. I just do not want to do anything. I do only what I have to do and not much else.

Sorry that I feel so cranky this morning, I am on edge too because of very interrupted sleep. Maybe it will be better this evening.....

Your welcome.

I would like to send on to you the exact tapping link I used on utube when I was in the state your in now.

It is silly looking I know but tho the effect was small I felt like something may have shifted vaguely enough that I did it again. I tried other videos all with this same guy as I did not want to change..used the one for anxiety for sure and maybe others.

If it helps you even a little bit use it again as I found it helped a bit more the more I used it. It could be that doing anything to give myself a bit of hope was the key here I don't know but feel it helped me so I am passing it on.

I wish you peace.

February 8, 2014

Great suggestion, btdt.

cw, do try to get out, even when it's raining. Get yourself raingear and boots. Don't worry about looking dorky, just get out there and get some fresh air. (I write this as it's raining heavily here -- finally -- and I realize I'm going to have to follow my own advice.)

February 9, 2014

At the very least it will do no harm that is what I look for now things that do no harm. It is never to late to first do no harm as new situation present themselves withdrawal changes and morphs. I hope you doing ok.

February 9, 2014

I used to love walking in the rain, especially after a long day at work, I found it really refreshing.

Now I look out the window and turn away. I think I should take Altos advice too!

February 9, 2014

Thanks for the video, btdt. I did some tapping when this bad part of the wave first started but stopped because it made me very anxious. Since then, I have abandoned all attempts to 'work' on myself in any way and opted for just getting through the days. I think I made a good choice as things are very slowly getting better (or maybe just different). The first normal thing that has happened to me is that I caught a cold Friday. I felt very weird the next day until late in the afternoon, now I think I am getting used to feeling 'different'. My nose is dripping but thankfully I don't have it in my chest. Being ill extended and deepened my sleep just a bit so that is a plus.

Alto, I know I need to get out and walk every day, I will see about getting some boots and a raincoat. The rainy days have me drowning in a morose mood and I do not want to move at all. That's how it is some days.

My thoughts are not as black or intrusive as they had been. And it has been interesting having a cold and stuffed head without using any medicine. I have even been out walking a bit. Still playing solitaire though. Can't help it, can't sit without doing it. Always been that way. It might change, just hasn't yet.

Thanks btdt, Alto and mammaP for thinking about me and posting in my thread! It feels really good to know that I am not forgotten among all of those who are really hurting here. I am very grateful.

February 10, 2014

Glad you posted to let us know how things are going. It sounds a bit like what I think of as behind the glass bit removed from the general population... slowing down and looking after yourself I am glad your mother and cat are with you so your not completely alone while you heal. Thanks for the update.

February 10, 2014

Dear CW,

I also follow your thread. You are such a fighter, with so much patient endurance.

I wanted to comment on this sentence you wrote recently: Can't get out of myself to do any good for others.

Just wanted to let you know that I see many of your warm, kind and supportive posts to many members including myself when i was in distress. So I have to correct you: you are doing so much good for others and you are a healer.

Hope you've got yourself a raincoat to walk in the rain or maybe there has been some sun?

big hug,

bubble

February 10, 2014

CW, I read a little on your thread here this morning and empathize with your concern about not being able to do good for others.

Life can seem all about us when we're recovering from these meds. I hear myself say to others, " I'm so tired of being focused on this process and not being able to give back much or be there for others very well. ". The day will come when we will have more balance in life, I've got to believe this but am challenged .

Best

EO

February 10, 2014

P.s. I did tapping before getting on this med. it worked tho now find it difficult but good reminder.

February 10, 2014

Thanks EO and bubble for the well wishes. I feel only slightly better than some time ago, my thoughts are not quite as alarming as they once were. But I am nowhere out of the woods yet, still dragging myself through the hours.

I have so much anxiety about the future that I refuse to think about it. Day to day situations are hard enough.

The sun is out and the nights are cooler with warmer days. No rain gear yet. Thanks for reminding me, bubble!

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