Barbarannamated Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 Ditto. Too low to add more right now. Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc). Link to comment
btdt Posted April 25, 2014 Share Posted April 25, 2014 We need to sooth ourselves however we can... self care. Each tool kit will differ some but there will be relaxation of some kind ..meditation baths walks in nature...salt baths seem to decrease my toxic load I tried different types of salts epson and sea... Maybe a supplement or two that work for you at a dose that has been found works for YOUR system... I can use these only as needed a tiny bit of taurine here and there... magnesium a tiny bit here and there... I am trying to get my body to regulate without any supplements and taking anything consistently seems to overwhelm my system. This is all very personal and takes time to figure out. EFT I use that too... exercise if you can. Distraction ... is big. Find something that interests you and do it. The power of now.. a book I have researched and tried many healing meditations some really helped... I lose a lot with each computer failure but I know this is a flowing path and new things will come along to try as I keep the tried and true close at hand. Time ... it gets better. peace all WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
Member cymbaltawithdrawal5600 Posted April 25, 2014 Author Member Share Posted April 25, 2014 Tks btdt. I will be back to respond in my thread later and catch up with PM's. What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878 July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site. Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey. Link to comment
Member cymbaltawithdrawal5600 Posted April 26, 2014 Author Member Share Posted April 26, 2014 I am in bed by 10pm every night, asleep usually by 11, wake at 5:30 or thereabouts every morning. Sometimes 3:30 to pee. Doze maybe till 7:30 then it's all over for sleep. Absolutely no naps, body won't do it. Don't feel rested and hate that I have to be aware of my thoughts all the hours of the day. Aware of a future I can't control. Day after day of this for months. Feel hopeless and helpless of being able to change anything. Don't see it changing any time soon. Constantly aware of a feeling of physical and mental malaise. Cannot see this changing for months and maybe years. The only reason I have to continue is to be here for my mom. No joy. No hope. So what if I recover. Coming to end of my life anyway. Having too many days like this is breaking my spirit. Why are the birds not making so much noise this morning I wonder. What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878 July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site. Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey. Link to comment
btdt Posted April 26, 2014 Share Posted April 26, 2014 I am sure being there for those we love is what has taken many of us thru withdrawal... your not alone in this. I am getting older too and do wonder about this end of the life thing ... still whatever few choices I have left to make if I have any I want to be sure I make them... I don't know that this helps any but it is a bit of thought on this..a view from a bit of a difference place a bit further along this process. WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
Administrator Altostrata Posted April 26, 2014 Administrator Share Posted April 26, 2014 Hang in there, cw. Are you doing anything for recreation or relaxation? This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. "It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein All postings © copyrighted. Link to comment
Member cymbaltawithdrawal5600 Posted April 26, 2014 Author Member Share Posted April 26, 2014 Do constantly playing computer games count? Becoming a regular champ at jumble words. Not able to even watch TV. Daily walks not relaxing, just something I have to do. Things are really bad. No crafts, no home improvement projects. My only saving grace is I have a place where I volunteer at will and help in the office. My computer skills are welcome. Its closed on weekends, weekends are h3ll with all the sitting. I am just existing. On a positive note, I started the cheapest probiotic I could find at the health food store. I seem to be less weepy. And today's boat ride to a job did not have me in a mental panic. I do what I have to do but there's no joy. Just the sameness of days. Thanks for asking, Alto. What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878 July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site. Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey. Link to comment
Member cymbaltawithdrawal5600 Posted April 26, 2014 Author Member Share Posted April 26, 2014 Btdt, I read of your recent tragedy in another thread. Am so sorry. You have been through so much yet still come here and offer a helping hand with all of your research and kind words. I am doing the best I can but my body hurts and my spirits are low. I don't need anything except food so I don't shop. Sitting still, as in meeting a friend for lunch, is not possible yet. It is hard to talk to people sometimes because I get weepy. Am constantly tired from the moment I wake up. Cymbalta has really hurt me. I am the poster child for neuro emotions. What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878 July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site. Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey. Link to comment
Nikki Posted April 26, 2014 Share Posted April 26, 2014 Cymbalta..... Your post broke my heart. When you come here you help other people (like me). Is there something you like to do that a gives you a boost? There is a wall hanging in the Psych's Office that I clean on Friday afternoons "Do something everyday that makes you happy." I have been reading it for almost two years now. Maybe this will help....sunshine and water make me happy. Dogs, cats, friends, etc. A good movie (a funny one). Music? Does walking bring you some peace of mind? What about something simple like baking a cake. Try to find one thing (even a TV show)....I know the drugs hurt alot of us. Can you make a conscious decision to decide that you will heal? Set the intention even if you don't believe it..... PS Probiotics are one of the few supplements that I have taken that I feel immediate results from. Balancing our digestive tract can bring about more mental clarity....... Lots of Hugs Intro: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1902-nikki-hi-my-rundown-with-ads/ Paxil 1997-2004 Crossed over to Lexapro Paxil not available at Pharmacies GSK halted deliveries Lexapro 40mgs Lexapro taper (2years) Imipramine Imipramine and Celexa Now Nefazadone/Imipramine 50mgs. each 45mgs. Serzone 50mgs. Imipramine Link to comment
Administrator Altostrata Posted April 26, 2014 Administrator Share Posted April 26, 2014 We have to think of something that will get you out on weekends. How about walking groups on Meetup.com? This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. "It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein All postings © copyrighted. Link to comment
Member cymbaltawithdrawal5600 Posted April 26, 2014 Author Member Share Posted April 26, 2014 I could just cry, I'm so disheartened. Your suggestions are all good for someone and maybe me but not right now. My body is so unstable, my emotions are not as black as they were but they are still very low and it has only been recently that I could drive without panic. The nearest town is a half hour away. Used to kayak (by myself). Now won't go near the water. Everything aches. Had to do dogs today. My back is screaming and I loathe everything about animals right now, even can't stand for my cat to touch me. No one except my mom knows how I feel about the animals and funny thing, they still love me. It's me that can't stand them. These years on the drugs and coming off them cold turkey have hit me badly. On the drugs had no idea I was digging myself into a hole. I am still forcing myself to eat, drink water and walk. All the while fighting a mind that says "what's the use, I'm going to die anyway" all day, every day. I can't talk about this. What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878 July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site. Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey. Link to comment
Barbarannamated Posted April 27, 2014 Share Posted April 27, 2014 CW, Thank you for sharing your feelings about animals. I have 2 dogs and (now) 2 horses (one was placed today) and I often find myself resenting them for making it hard to move from here, and then feel terribly guilty. I see everyone's comments about how their animals help tremendously and I feel awful. Sometimes I can't even look at the horses even though they've been my lifeline since losing my career. I'm sorry you're having such a dark time. I just wanted to let you know you're not alone about animals. Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc). Link to comment
Member cymbaltawithdrawal5600 Posted April 27, 2014 Author Member Share Posted April 27, 2014 I know we are not alone, Barb. In my first year here, before I became destabilized last Nov. I was having odd feelings about my cat. His constant brushing my leg when getting his food annoyed me so bad I took to side-stepping away from him. Then I had to keep a dog for someone till they finally agreed to re-home her. I caught her in the litter box one day and freaked. She used to do that in her home where I used to sit her but I forgot. So I got a large indoor pen, one of those collapsible 8 sided things and kept her segregated in the living room. Hardly ever looked at her but fed and walked her. Just really couldn't stand her. I happened to read a post where someone mentioned having the same odd reaction and it clicked. A neuro emotion, something messed up inside my brain. I can't stand my cat. Thank goodness he is OK staying on the screen porch now. He scratches on the door in the morning, wakes me up and I want to kill him I get such a white hot flash of anger. I don't have my grooming skills anymore. Lost my dexterity. Can't stand their smell, the smell of the shampoo and their constant moving around. But my customers won't let me go, they don't seem to care but I see how my grooms look poor. It is killing me to do something I hate now that I used to love and do well. Last Nov. I couldn't even peel an orange, my tolerance for frustration was so low. It is better now but I never know when that anger will come bubbling up. Alto suggested meetup. Even if I found someone my people skills are so poor right now. I weep a lot some days. Some days I have no patience with people and can't talk. Barb, don't take this wrong. I never understood your situation before. Always thought you could do something if you tried. NOW I understand. I don't have access to any feelings of pleasure at all. None. No joy, no happy anticipation. Don't enjoy my food, eat because I have to. For a long time couldn't taste anything and would gag but I forced it in. How could the absence of a drug to this to me and why isn't it going away? I am sore all over, my tendon sheaths in my inner arms are sore from not moving them enough. Same with the backs of my knees. The magnesium helps a lot but I have to take it with every meal. The aching starts up if I forget. This is hard to live with day after day. 6 more years of this? Maybe sometime I'll tell you about what I did to the house. My dear mother thought she needed me to wake up so she proceeded to tell me what she saw me doing while I was on the drugs but never said anything about. She waited until my cortiol fueled sh*tstorm days and smacked me in the face with it. The shame is something I have to live with and it is horrible. I don't want to start crying this close to bedtime. The crying jag headaches are awful. What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878 July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site. Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey. Link to comment
btdt Posted April 27, 2014 Share Posted April 27, 2014 I know where you are. I do. I hated my cat. I did things I was ashamed of that I forgot that I thought I would never be able to accept... never. Some things I did came back to me long after I quit the drugs. It has been one hell of a battle. This stage does not last 7 years so you will not have 6 more years of this. I didn't. I did have a real long stretch of it. It sucks. I think is some way I got thru it by accepting I was in it and tho I could not anticipate the flares of emotions... I knew they were possible. I stayed in a lot I kept to myself a lot I know some say this is bad but it was all I could manage. For a good part of it I had no support. Now that you can drive some can you use you car for an escape is there a place you like to go? I used my car a lot as an escape hatch... it did help me. I miss it now. Have you tried any sorts of lineaments for the pain... I have literally bathed in the cheap variety of deep cold from the dollar store and have recently switched up to the strong form of absorbing junior ... have you tried epson salt baths and heat? Sorry if you have I can't recall all I read for a long time... some times I can't trust my memory. Just a couple of things that may help. The things you think you have done that you don't want to accept or think you can't those too can be worked thru... and I learned part way thru this that I don't have to take it all as it comes .. memories that would hit ... as this happened for me I forgot things and they came back in withdrawal still do sometimes.. but when I was really suffering I just let them come and decided part way thru that I would deal with it later when I was stronger if at all... as trying to deal when I was unwell made me worse... so I left it alone... I could not stop them coming but I did not have to torture myself with it... a choice. As for being here when things are so bad in my life with other things going on... I feel I got this.. I feel I have seen enough of this long enough that I have healed enough that I am going to be done with it ... I know some answers for a lot of this .. I have beat a lot of this... maybe by mostly by the simple passing of time and allowing my body the time it takes to heal... or in other words staying alive while my body went thru the healing process and limiting the suffering when I could enduring it when I could not change it... I know this... the other things in my life that are going on now... I don't know I can't beat... I can't change a thing I am trying to process yes and part of that require distraction one of my tools... and while this is a distraction from that which is my add on now.. I must go back to it... or it never really leaves me.. am I making any sense while I am reading here and thinking about others I am not there stuck.. I think much like withdrawal if any distraction at all will work our systems and bodies are still doing their healing while we attend to something different... I think I am healing other things while I am hear I would never have believed it possible that withdrawal would ever be a source of distraction for me yet today it is. kind of... Still I wish you peace I for one think it is coming for you and I will believe for you till you can. WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
btdt Posted April 27, 2014 Share Posted April 27, 2014 ps I did eventually stop hating my cat and loved to pet her that too passed just so you know it is possible it does change. peace WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
Member cymbaltawithdrawal5600 Posted May 2, 2014 Author Member Share Posted May 2, 2014 As if things weren't bad enough, my hair is falling out. Not in clumps, just constantly falling out. Very thin now. Guessing I'll be bald in a couple more weeks. My stress is not even relieved by crying anymore. What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878 July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site. Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey. Link to comment
btdt Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 Not sure if this helps at all but thought I would let you know my hair fell out too. I don't understand how it relates but I do think it is part of the withdrawal experience as so many other people have hair loss in withdrawal. WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
Member cymbaltawithdrawal5600 Posted May 2, 2014 Author Member Share Posted May 2, 2014 Thanks for commenting, btdt. I am feeling very alone here, there are so many needing help and unfortunately for me, there is no help. I noticed m hair falling out about a week ago, it is constantly just shedding. It feels like I have lost about a third or more of it in a little over a week. The only thing that has changed is I bought some mag glycinate instead of the mag citrate I was taking. Stopped it today. I just can't accept how badly I feel and the fact that I am not getting better. I am sorry to read of your troubles. I don't seem to have the strong will that you do. I am so tired of trying to fight the blackness I have inside. What's the use. I took the drugs willingly and they have ruined my life. I don't know how to get it back, I don't have a will to live anymore. I'm just existing. What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878 July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site. Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey. Link to comment
lundeliz Posted May 3, 2014 Share Posted May 3, 2014 I'm sorry, CW. I wish I could say something to make you feel better. Even when you are feeling like that, you are still healing. Have you looked around the web at some of the success stories? I read them everyday, and it really gives me hope. There are some really severe cases that suffered so long, and they had full recovery. I'm sorry about the hair loss. That's something you really didn't need. Please never lose hope. We will get there. 2006-Cymbalta 60mg for lyme disease2009-Quit Cymbalta c/tFeb. 2010-Reinstated 60mg CymMar.2010 to May.2012 tapered Cym to 36mgMay 2012-Crossed over to 30mg CelexaMay 2012-Oct.2013 Tapered Celexa down to 2.5mgOct.2013-Switched to 30 beads CymbaltaDec.4,2013-Stopped Cymbalta at 17 beads<p>Akathisia hit at 6 wks off and continuesNow taking melatonin when needed for sleep. Link to comment
Member cymbaltawithdrawal5600 Posted May 3, 2014 Author Member Share Posted May 3, 2014 Thanks for the comforting words, Liz. Maybe I should write a recovery story for myself the way I'd like to see things. My pessimism gets in the way a lot. What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878 July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site. Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Petunia Posted May 4, 2014 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted May 4, 2014 It tears at my heart when I read about your ongoing suffering and I wish there was something I could do to help you feel better, but I just don't know what to say most of the time. I do believe you will get through this and recover. My hair was falling out very fast a while back, it seemed to start suddenly, probably about a year ago, maybe longer. I ended up not caring, it was just one more thing I seemed to be losing control of. Its stopped falling out now, but still very thin. . It might not be connected with the change in magnesium. Perhaps visualizing and writing out a recovery story would be helpful. For some people, the power of thoughts and intention can have a very real impact on the direction life takes. I don't mean that anyone can cure withdrawal by wishful thinking, but it could help to create some hope, which would relieve stress, which in turn would help with recovery. ((hugs)) I'm not a doctor. My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one. My Introduction Thread Full Drug and Withdrawal History Brief Summary Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects 2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010 Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal) May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins. Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens. Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days. April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close. VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from? VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made? VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes? VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects? VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes Link to comment
btdt Posted May 4, 2014 Share Posted May 4, 2014 Thanks for commenting, btdt. I am feeling very alone here, there are so many needing help and unfortunately for me, there is no help. I noticed m hair falling out about a week ago, it is constantly just shedding. It feels like I have lost about a third or more of it in a little over a week. The only thing that has changed is I bought some mag glycinate instead of the mag citrate I was taking. Stopped it today. I just can't accept how badly I feel and the fact that I am not getting better. I am sorry to read of your troubles. I don't seem to have the strong will that you do. I am so tired of trying to fight the blackness I have inside. What's the use. I took the drugs willingly and they have ruined my life. I don't know how to get it back, I don't have a will to live anymore. I'm just existing. I was not taking any mag of any sort when my hair fell out that I know for sure. This is a stage your in... and for me this stage was I wrote the worst part of withdrawal then other times squished that from my mind... it is the worst part that is seemingly endless and bleak.. other parts of being violently ill and not finding any cause were as bad for me. This long long test of of blackness inside is a insurmountable strain on anyone ... I could not fight it. I did not want to accept it but it wore me down to a place where I eventually did... as I tried all I knew and all I read and not one thing made a dent in it. I thought of living the rest of my life in that state as it seemed so endless. I thought of why I was going to stay alive and be in that state and figured out what small things I could do for the people I loved while in this state that may add to their lives. I decided to do what I could to bless others no matter how small it would be. I read books that were distracting and some I thought might help to do with other forms of healing. Meditation of all sorts of energy work and a few videos...whatever the library had. I tried it. I did not have anything to lose. I would sweep the floor and do laundry... if I was up to it.. cook a meal. whatever... try to be kind to those who loved me. I felt I was going to have to make a new life in which I would be living in this state I seemed stuck in. I was trying to adapt to it as I did not see any other option. It gradually changed. I cannot equate the change with anything I did. I truly believe it was just time passed. I think my body was stuck in that state for so long because it was healing something and it would not come around till it was ready. I wish there was some magic but if there is I don't know it. I only have the truth of my experience to draw on to help you to know your not the only one who has been in this state but that it is time limited and will eventually end. Are you still taking all those supplements? It seems like a lot to me. I can't comment on them except to say I did not find many helpful and some hurt me. I see vit B6 is on you list for me three days of taking that and I can't lift my head.... again I am an anomaly as so many supplements have made me way worse... and this one did. I think the last time I tried it was about a year ago... and it did the same thing. I stay away from niacin as too much is bad for the liver and my liver it already a mess. I did Blach cohosh too long long ago... I can't recall what it did if anything... I know it is in the stack of bottles I have still. Don' t do B12 insomnia... probiotics are as needed never tried folate. For me it seems I can't take anything long term... so use them as needed ... vit c if sick.. probiotics for the runs... taurine a very small amount for too much coffee like edginess. I don't know I could be doing this wrong but I try to eat very well .. I find home made stock and high veg content soups make me feel better. Raw beet salads are my go to when I feel my worst or take a bad turn... beets cooked or raw and soups. I don't know it any of this is helpful or not we are all so much alike is our suffering and so different in our healing. Or so it seems I can only tell you my experience an see if anything in it resonates with you. I at least want to let you know this will end and that yes it is horrid and long. That does not seem like much when I know where you are... but it is all I can truthfully do. And wish peace for you... I wish you peace. WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
Member cymbaltawithdrawal5600 Posted May 4, 2014 Author Member Share Posted May 4, 2014 The list of supplements you are commenting on is what Petu is taking, not me. Her post is right above yours. The only thing I am taking is the wimpy probiotic. The only difference I have noticed is my poo is now brown instead of light tan. I stopped the mag with the glycine, now only taking the mag citrate. Can't really tell about the hair yet, it is very thin and I had thin hair before. It is kind of like the last straw. I did reduce my magnesium somewhat, I take half a 100 mg. tab at breakfast, maybe at lunch or dinner and before bed. I have to have it or the palpitations come back and also the soreness in my inner elbows and behind my knees where the tendons ache from sleeping all curled up or sitting with my arms bent. Just today I started on some fish oil again, the liquid kind so I can start slower. I barely wet a teaspoon and it's lemon flavored so I can take it that way. I cut down the mag based on a post Jemima wrote about maybe it caused that 'unrested' feeling I had every day after waking up. I swear that yesterday I felt a tiny bit better for some reason. My mood was not a black and despairing as usual and for sure not as bad an effect as cloudy weather usually has on me. It rained yesterday. Today is sunny and hot again. I don't know how to accept the fact that my progress is so very slow. How does one accept they will never be able to forget their past and all of the mistakes they made? I am tortured by them because they are determining my future. They won't go away. And that I am not feeling well and still not feeling rested by sleep? You are having such a tough time, far worse than me and you seem to have an attitude of acceptance. I don't have religion or faith to comfort me and I don't know how to get that. How will I ever manage to get out from under this depression? Since my experience with trying meditation was so negative, I refuse to even consider it ever again. What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878 July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site. Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Jemima Posted May 4, 2014 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted May 4, 2014 CW, please try to keep in mind that your despair is a withdrawal symptom. As you get better, your outlook is going to change and you may not even be able to remember the thoughts you're having now. As for getting religion, it might be worth your while to talk with a minister. I believe that God loves me and works all things for my good, as it says in the book of Romans in the Bible. Yes, lots of awful things happen to Christians in this life, but they're meant to teach us and refine us. While I was in withdrawal, there was nothing I could do but rely upon God to pull me through. And he has. Withdrawal has made me a far more compassionate and far less controlling person than I used to be. Oddly, I'm also a lot less anxious, largely because I became aware that my control over what happens to me is close to zilch. There is absolutely nothing you can do about the past and you can't possibly know the future, so try to keep your thoughts in the present. You have been enduring this hell for a while and will be able to do so in the future, especially as you feel better. You're only 17 months out from going cold turkey from three drugs. It's taken me 30-31 months to get over a too fast taper from one antidepressant. It's far, far too early for you to give up hope. Psychotropic drug history: Pristiq 50 mg. (mid-September 2010 through February 2011), Remeron (mid-September 2010 through January 2011), Lexapro 10 mg. (mid-February 2011 through mid-December 2011), Lorazepam (Ativan) 1 mg. as needed mid-September 2010 through early March 2012"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." -Hanlon's RazorIntroduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1588-introducing-jemima/ Success Story: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6263-success-jemima-survives-lexapro-and-dr-dickhead-too/Please note that I am not a medical professional and my advice is based on personal experience, reading, and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers. Link to comment
btdt Posted May 4, 2014 Share Posted May 4, 2014 Sorry I screwed up with the vitamins These things I want to address... your 17 months out... I don't know how to accept the fact that my progress is so very slow. How does one accept they will never be able to forget their past and all of the mistakes they made? I am tortured by them because they are determining my future. They won't go away. And that I am not feeling well and still not feeling rested by sleep? You are having such a tough time, far worse than me and you seem to have an attitude of acceptance. I don't have religion or faith to comfort me and I don't know how to get that. How will I ever manage to get out from under this depression? Since my experience with trying meditation was so negative, I refuse to even consider it ever again. But first "despair is a withdrawal symptom" truer words were never spoken. This is withdrawal. As for the past and all the mistakes you made... going over and over this in your mind is also part withdrawal like an OCD symptoms.. it will ease.. was one of my greatest tormentors. I could not work it thru in the horrid state I was in so I let it come and took only small bites as more poisoned me.. once I figured out I could not stop it .. I thought of it the same as I did of songs that repeated in my head... torment with nothing good to offer... I looked for ways to stop it.. white noise helps sometimes.. a thing I leaned in a book.. the power of now... to watch for the next thought... eventually do this worked to stop the process of a mind doing it's own thing not what I wanted it to do... They are not determining you future this is a lie don't believe it. Nothing can determine you future but you just now your a bit stuck but long term future is not up to the bit of brain struggling to heal just now. If you can see this then just have a bit of faith in the fact that I said so and I have no motive no reason to lie to you. If you felt a bit better by cutting back on the mag maybe this is not the time to add the fish oil back again... just an idea of mine. Giving one change a chance to work out it takes time.. it could be the lower mag is the bigger part of the answer and you will not know if lowering the mag or starting the fish oil is what is causing the change if you make two changes at once I have a rule of thumb at least a few wks preferably 6 wks to see how any one change goes. I pick this time frame because when I reacted to a supplement it seemed to take 6wks for the bad reaction to leave me hence I trust this time frame but it maybe different for you... just food for thought. How about a guided meditation from utube... for a time I could not do it either and just listened to the wave of the ocean as that was all that helped then I graduated to piano music then finally to guided meditation with the ocean in the back ground. When I was listening to the ocean I did not think of it as meditation just relaxation. You can accept the fact that progress is slow or fight it ... either way it will be slow if you have any choice this is it to fight or accept. It is my nature to fight and fight like hell I am not a wimp when it comes to battle but I had to concede I was not going to win this by doing head on battle with it .. the more upset I became by it the more my body reacted badly.. to the stress of the struggle to win meant to not fight to avoid any fight of any kind and allow my brain to heal ...even and maybe especially the internal fight... if I have anything to say that may be important please take special note of this. The more you do battle the further you sink... like quick sand to be still and calm is what helps the healing... I noticed this by listening to the ocean with heat on my back... when I was done doing this I felt so much better... my system had taken the strain down a notch ...found it by complete accident... it worked so I did it every day some days more than once. I think we heal best in a deep state of relaxation. The timeline ... 17 months. I was at pp at this point in my healing a made a post about feeling even worse and more bleak.. how it felt endless much like you post her today. My post was kind of poo pooed but many people pm me saying they were around the same time off and feel the same way... So I personally this there is something to this and am not surprised at all you feel this way at 17 months off. Faith...such a personal thing. I am not a preacher but I sure have done my share of praying for healing in the past 6+ years ...praying to get thru this or that varied withdrawal state. I can't say much about it really but I have taken to listening to church on tv from time to time and like this lady called Joyce Meyer... today I actually too my slow moving self to the mall ... and bought one of her books called You Can Begin Again... I keep seeing it on her tv show being advertised and I don't buy anything online as I have no credit card but this one is in the book stores I went with intent to get it and I got it. I have not read it yet but I am hoping it has some good advice about how to start over in life... I am seeking.. if I find anything I will let you know. The titles of the chapters look interesting ... Help! I am stuck Why today is different Getting past your past It's Never too late All You need is a Moment Did you pay for that who do you think you are finding the you in beayoutiful defeating unexpected giants... I like this one a lot... as this process has been a GIANT in my life On you mark get set go little things make a big difference quitting isn't an option Don't waste you mistakes when all things become new Plan B stands for Better A New Dream The Greatest Story Ever Told... that is the entire list... I have not read it yet but I am hoping it has some clues.. if I find any I will tell you. ps what may be a clue for me may not be a clue to you so it may not fit or bore you I will tell you anyway just in case. I don't know what will make a difference I did not know what would make a difference for me either... I just kept trying everything when I could and when I couldn't I went to bed. I hope something here is helpful. I wish you peace. WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
btdt Posted May 4, 2014 Share Posted May 4, 2014 The list of supplements you are commenting on is what Petu is taking, not me. Her post is right above yours. The only thing I am taking is the wimpy probiotic. The only difference I have noticed is my poo is now brown instead of light tan. I stopped the mag with the glycine, now only taking the mag citrate. Can't really tell about the hair yet, it is very thin and I had thin hair before. It is kind of like the last straw. I did reduce my magnesium somewhat, I take half a 100 mg. tab at breakfast, maybe at lunch or dinner and before bed. I have to have it or the palpitations come back and also the soreness in my inner elbows and behind my knees where the tendons ache from sleeping all curled up or sitting with my arms bent. Just today I started on some fish oil again, the liquid kind so I can start slower. I barely wet a teaspoon and it's lemon flavored so I can take it that way. I cut down the mag based on a post Jemima wrote about maybe it caused that 'unrested' feeling I had every day after waking up. I swear that yesterday I felt a tiny bit better for some reason. My mood was not a black and despairing as usual and for sure not as bad an effect as cloudy weather usually has on me. It rained yesterday. Today is sunny and hot again. I don't know how to accept the fact that my progress is so very slow. How does one accept they will never be able to forget their past and all of the mistakes they made? I am tortured by them because they are determining my future. They won't go away. And that I am not feeling well and still not feeling rested by sleep? You are having such a tough time, far worse than me and you seem to have an attitude of acceptance. I don't have religion or faith to comfort me and I don't know how to get that. How will I ever manage to get out from under this depression? Since my experience with trying meditation was so negative, I refuse to even consider it ever again. read Jemmas post here about mag - calcium channel blockers... http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1300-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/page-8 WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
Member cymbaltawithdrawal5600 Posted May 6, 2014 Author Member Share Posted May 6, 2014 It tears at my heart when I read about your ongoing suffering and I wish there was something I could do to help you feel better, but I just don't know what to say most of the time. I do believe you will get through this and recover. Petu, any comment you can make is helpful, really. I try to hold it in as long as possible but when I do post I am at my wit's end. Sometimes, when I see no replies to my posts, I feel so alone and isolated and it's hard to sit with the feelings. I don't have any hope of recovery, not when things seem to never change.... My hair was falling out very fast a while back, it seemed to start suddenly, probably about a year ago, maybe longer. I ended up not caring, it was just one more thing I seemed to be losing control of. Its stopped falling out now, but still very thin.It might not be connected with the change in magnesium. Sure is weird that it coincided with my change from the mag citrate to the glycinate form.... Based on a post from Jemima on the amount of magnesium to take, I reduced mine from 500mg to 300mg. and I don't seem to have that constant tired and vaguely sick feeling anymore. Perhaps visualizing and writing out a recovery story would be helpful. For some people, the power of thoughts and intention can have a very real impact on the direction life takes. I don't mean that anyone can cure withdrawal by wishful thinking, but it could help to create some hope, which would relieve stress, which in turn would help with recovery. I remember a while back when you talked about stuff like "The Secret" and how those things don't seem to work. If that way of visualizing really does work, why does it not work for everyone? I know that is not really an answerable question. The thing is, I believed in that stuff so much that I neglected my life, didn't do the actual work in the real world and I ended up where I am now. I don't believe in that stuff anymore and won't go back to it. I have to live in the present and the truth is, after I wrote what I did I am feeling better the last few days. I wouldn't call it a wave per se, more of a lifting of that sick feeling. I am sure it had to do with the magnesium reduction. ((hugs)) Can't ever get enough of those. Thanks for responding to me. Jemima, You wrote: CW, please try to keep in mind that your despair is a withdrawal symptom. As you get better, your outlook is going to change and you may not even be able to remember the thoughts you're having now. As for getting religion, it might be worth your while to talk with a minister. I believe that God loves me and works all things for my good, as it says in the book of Romans in the Bible. Yes, lots of awful things happen to Christians in this life, but they're meant to teach us and refine us. While I was in withdrawal, there was nothing I could do but rely upon God to pull me through. And he has. Withdrawal has made me a far more compassionate and far less controlling person than I used to be. Oddly, I'm also a lot less anxious, largely because I became aware that my control over what happens to me is close to zilch. There is absolutely nothing you can do about the past and you can't possibly know the future, so try to keep your thoughts in the present. You have been enduring this hell for a while and will be able to do so in the future, especially as you feel better. You're only 17 months out from going cold turkey from three drugs. It's taken me 30-31 months to get over a too fast taper from one antidepressant. It's far, far too early for you to give up hope. I believe my despair was not only a withdrawal symptom but also a reaction to feeling just plain sick every day, day in and day out. For some reason, a few days after reading these posts I am feeling better. I think it is the reduction in magnesium and the fact that a few people responded to my thread. What I am finding out about neuro emotions is this: the past, present and future exist concurrently in my mind and cause a great amount of anguish. Add to that a feeling of physical unwellness and it is just h*ll. No relief, constant crying and waves of sadness, despair and fear. My future has not changed and neither has my past. But I feel a bit better than I did. I think it is the let up of the magnesium. Taking too much, I think. Never would have thought of it had you not mentioned it. As for religion, I have no faith and I know it. I don't know how one gets 'it'. I have had it in the past as a member of a 12 step group but it has left me. I have no faith that my future will not be filled with hunger and poverty. When you know you can't go out and get a job right now because you are physically and mentally unwell, it seems as though the future will be just like that. Add to all that, my hair falling out and my face becoming full of wrinkles and my skin sagging because of weight loss, it's just too much to bear. I am glad you wrote your story and thank you for commenting on my thread. What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878 July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site. Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey. Link to comment
Barbarannamated Posted May 6, 2014 Share Posted May 6, 2014 CW, I appreciate your comments on my thread even when you're feeling so unwell yourself. I'm sorry that I have not written earlier or more often. So much of what you express resonates with me. This is one comment that hit home: "When you know you can't go out and get a job right now because you are physically and mentally unwell, it seems as though the future will be just like that." I know I harp on this too frequently and I apologize. I only want to say here, on your thread, that I understand and I greatly admire you for all you DO do with volunteer work and animals. It's morning here, so I'll limit my writing. I just wanted to say thank you for the encouragement you've offered me. Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc). Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus bubble Posted May 6, 2014 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted May 6, 2014 big hug from me too! I also have to say that you are doing a lot of work here on the forum and it is much appreciated. you say it SEEMS the future will be the same and this is great because it indeed only seems so... (at best we have no idea what the future will bring, except maybe for clairvoyants but this happens to all of us: when we feel positive NOW we remember positive things from the past and see the future as the continuation of that positivity (if we are not worried about good things disappearing). The negative feelings in the present moment project in the same way. I also liked reading the Power of Now a lot... Current: 9/2022 Xanax 0.08, Lexapro 2 2020 Xanax 0.26 (down from 2 mg in 2013), Lexapro 2.85 mg (down from 5 mg 2013) Amitriptyline (tricyclic AD) and clonazepam for 3 months to treat headache in 1996 1999. - present Xanax prn up to 3 mg. 2000-2005 Prozac CT twice, 2005-2010 Zoloft CT 3 times, 2010-2013 Escitalopram 10 mg went from 2.5 to zero on 7 Aug 2013, bad crash 40 days afterreinstated to 5 mg Escitalopram 4Oct 2013 and holding liquid Xanax every 5 hours 28 Jan 2014 Xanax 1.9, 18 Apr 2015 1 mg, 25 June 2015 Lex 4.8, 6 Aug Lexapro 4.6, 1 Jan 2016 0.64 Xanax 9 month hold 24 Sept 2016 4.5 Lex, 17 Oct 4.4 Lex (Nov 0.63 Xanax, Dec 0.625 Xanax), 1 Jan 2017 4.3 Lex, 24 Jan 4.2, 5 Feb 4.1, 24 Mar 4 mg, 10 Apr 3.9 mg, May 3.85, June 3.8, July 3.75, 22 July 3.7, 15 Aug 3.65, 17 Sept 3.6, 1 Jan 2018 3.55, 19 Jan 3.5, 16 Mar 3.4, 14 Apr 3.3, 23 May 3.2, 16 June 3.15, 15 Jul 3.1, 31 Jul 3, 21 Aug 2.9 26 Sept 2.85, 14 Nov Xan 0.61, 1 Dec 0.59, 19 Dec 0.58, 4 Jan 0.565, 6 Feb 0.55, 20 Feb 0.535, 1 Mar 0.505, 10 Mar 0.475, 14 Mar 0.45, 4 Apr 0.415, 13 Apr 0.37, 21 Apr 0.33, 29 Apr 0.29, 10 May 0.27, 17 May 0.25, 28 May 0.22, 19 June 0.22, 21 Jun updose to 0.24, 24 Jun updose to 0.26 Supplements: Omega 3 + Vit E, Vit C, D, magnesium, Taurine, probiotic I'm not a medical professional. Any advice I give is based on my own experience and reading. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Petunia Posted May 7, 2014 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted May 7, 2014 Hi CW, I hope you are still feeling a little better, and the magnesium reduction is helping. I sometimes wonder if I'm taking too much. Its 8am here for me, my worst time of the day, and I probably shouldn't be writing in anyone's thread, but I will do my best at making sense. I wanted to write a bit more about 'the secret', manifesting and those kinds of things. I think there is some underlying truth and value in these methods, but not the way its been used or promoted recently. Things are rarely all good or all bad. Maybe it really comes down to something quite simple. Perhaps visualizing and writing out a recovery story would be helpful. For some people, the power of thoughts and intention can have a very real impact on the direction life takes. I don't mean that anyone can cure withdrawal by wishful thinking, but it could help to create some hope, which would relieve stress, which in turn would help with recovery. I remember a while back when you talked about stuff like "The Secret" and how those things don't seem to work. If that way of visualizing really does work, why does it not work for everyone? I know that is not really an answerable question. The thing is, I believed in that stuff so much that I neglected my life, didn't do the actual work in the real world and I ended up where I am now. I don't believe in that stuff anymore and won't go back to it. I have to live in the present and the truth is, after I wrote what I did I am feeling better the last few days. I wouldn't call it a wave per se, more of a lifting of that sick feeling. I am sure it had to do with the magnesium reduction. If we focus our imagination on negative thoughts about the future, then it will influence the way we feel right now and that in turn will effect how we behave right now. If we imagine and think about possible pleasant future things, then we feel better right now and act differently, often making choices which are more likely to bring those future possibilities into being. I know that in withdrawal, its often not possible to imagine anything positive in the future, I can't most of the time, but I can stop myself from thinking about unpleasant things, which stops the downward spiral of feeling worse and worse. Our thoughts do effect our feelings and our feelings do effect our behavior, this is one of the core truths behind 'the secret'. I don't want to write about why I think its gone wrong for a lot of people, and please don't blame yourself, most self help books and personal growth methods have profit as their main agenda, selling more books is more important than really helping people, so it has to sound like its easy and instantly rewarding. But the truth at its core is that thought is a very powerful thing. In withdrawal, our thoughts tend to get hijacked, and I think its more important now, than ever before to learn some simple methods of taking back control of our thoughts. Not because we can think ourselves better, but because we can stop ourselves from feeling worse, by not allowing ourselves to focus on and believe withdrawal induced, unpleasant thoughts. You are absolutely right, that just thinking about things, doesn't get anything done. But with regards to healing from protracted AD withdrawal, there is nothing to be done. (apart from what needs to be done to support life and healing) Less doing, more being, in the most relaxed way possible and by learning how to direct our thinking, away from frightening, stressful paths, towards more neutral or pleasant paths, is one way of helping to calm our nervous system down and move towards a more healing state. Bubble mentioned the book 'the power of now', I think you have read it. This present 'now' moment is the only one we actually live in, as you also mentioned, and so its the only one we have any power over by choosing how we respond to it, via our thoughts....... which in turn effect our feelings and actions. I'm still not saying we can overcome withdrawal by thinking about it, but we can learn how to think differently about withdrawal induced symptoms (including dark thoughts), which will improve the way we feel, which supports healing. I hope that makes sense and I hope you are feeling better. (hugs) Petu. I'm not a doctor. My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one. My Introduction Thread Full Drug and Withdrawal History Brief Summary Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects 2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010 Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal) May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins. Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens. Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days. April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close. VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from? VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made? VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes? VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects? VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes Link to comment
btdt Posted May 8, 2014 Share Posted May 8, 2014 Hi CW did you take the fish oil or not? I am so happy lowering the mag is working for you. I thought it was going to be my miracle cure as some many people loved it but I could not take it past three days... guess it built up in my by day three I was done with it. I did keep it as something to try in extreme circumstances...I would grate some into a glass of water and sip it and I did not have to wait long to feel the effects as soon as I felt any effect... I would dump the rest. Since than I found taurine was trying it to prevent mirgraines and found it lowers the ....too much coffee feeling of anxiety. I take only about a third of a 500mg NOW brand capsue... can always take more ...but you can't take it out once in. I loved the book the Power of Now... if your into reading.... ON that other note of being stuck in poverty forever and not being able to have a real life as who can start past 50 rebuilding a life they lost ... I completely get that and have no answer. I can't say I accept it as I can get mad as hell about it the drop of a hat and I think this will always be this way. Don't we have a right to be... angry ... pissed off... sure we do... and this ate me up in withdrawal... as I sat in my hot rented room thinking of who was swimming in my inground pool... lol yep I tortured myself good with that one while at the time i was way to sick to swim anyway... What I learned the hard way that I am trying to pass on to you... is I think ... I think as I can't be sure that the state you in now will be prolonged by negative thinking and burst of adrenaline... as that is the part of our bodies we are trying to heal... we need to let that regulating system... rest... not push adrenaline into our system and increase our cortistol... ...but lower it all we can... it is like eating the dinosaurs eggs rather than confronting them directly... winning the war by letting this or that or all these battles go... Maybe one day we will be called to fight this and maybe this forum will be the only place we do it and maybe that is it... I don't know but I do know... the more upset you get the more adrenaline you body will pump... and we all need to calm this system for our own well being. I wish you peace WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
Member cymbaltawithdrawal5600 Posted May 9, 2014 Author Member Share Posted May 9, 2014 Thanks for hanging in there with me, btdt. I have not tried the fish oil again but I am pretty sure the reduction in mag has helped. I have been taking it since Nov. and gradually increased it to about 400-500mg a day, not a high dose. But over time, maybe too much. I'm down to 300mg now and that sick, heavy feeling has lightened. I am still tired in the morning though. Need more sleep, can't get it. Still makes me angry. What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878 July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site. Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey. Link to comment
btdt Posted May 9, 2014 Share Posted May 9, 2014 I think I took 300mg for 3 days and then went off the wall wish all my old posts were not deleted I would go back and see what affect I had after the three days that had me quit taking it. At first it was good but I can't take it period a bit in water sometimes maybe... I tried it again awhile ago and could not get off the couch I don't recall it helping at all with sleeping last try either ... I was more in a bitchy zombie state on the couch...did not move all wkend just bathroom and eat I was alone.. and rather sullen.. did not like it one bit. What was it like before you took mag were you worse? Seems like you still taking a lot by my own personalized standards but we are all different. As for hanging in glad to be here when I am understood and where I understand... peace to you... WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
Member cymbaltawithdrawal5600 Posted May 11, 2014 Author Member Share Posted May 11, 2014 Today is the first day since protracted WD started in earnest last Nov (2013) that I actually enjoyed taking a shower. More later.... What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878 July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site. Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey. Link to comment
lundeliz Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 Great news, CW! Probably a taste of good things to come! 2006-Cymbalta 60mg for lyme disease2009-Quit Cymbalta c/tFeb. 2010-Reinstated 60mg CymMar.2010 to May.2012 tapered Cym to 36mgMay 2012-Crossed over to 30mg CelexaMay 2012-Oct.2013 Tapered Celexa down to 2.5mgOct.2013-Switched to 30 beads CymbaltaDec.4,2013-Stopped Cymbalta at 17 beads<p>Akathisia hit at 6 wks off and continuesNow taking melatonin when needed for sleep. Link to comment
btdt Posted May 16, 2014 Share Posted May 16, 2014 Today is the first day since protracted WD started in earnest last Nov (2013) that I actually enjoyed taking a shower. More later.... HA! Great news... WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
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