☼ Cymbaltawithdrawal5600: Introduction

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

I cannot believe how incredibly angry I am when I do not get enough sleep. I want to give up and do nothing.

[btdt]

Thanks EO and bubble for the well wishes. I feel only slightly better than some time ago, my thoughts are not quite as alarming as they once were. But I am nowhere out of the woods yet, still dragging myself through the hours.

 

I have so much anxiety about the future that I refuse to think about it. Day to day situations are hard enough.

 

The sun is out and the nights are cooler with warmer days. No rain gear yet. Thanks for reminding me, bubble!

The future like all other things are painted with the brush of withdrawal.  There is a book that helped me deal with thinking about the future and many other things were put into a tolerable perspective it is called "The Power of Now"  I am not sure if your able to really read yet but if you can it is worth the money and I am very poor to spend money on a book is a big big deal for me.  This book has been read and reread I think it will be one of the books I will use for the rest of my life. Likley the rereading is in part because I can be forgetful in part but not only that I need a refresher every now and then when my attitude turns sour. 

I for one can believe how angry you get when you don't get enough sleep. Like all other things withdrawal related it does not take much to upset the apple cart please be very careful with supplements if you try any start at 1/6 the recommended dose.  Supplements were a big mistake I made when I was where you are now one I wish I did not make.

[EternalOptimist]

Good book about the power of now even tho now can be painful. Can you do like a walking meditation looking at things around you

Describing them to yourself ? I hope I am not redundant as I haven't been able to read much on the computer .

[lexicon]

Hi my dearest Cym,

 

Stopping by, to let you know that I think about you .. You kindly deposited some caring thoughts with me some time ago,

 

which I hold in my heart, and draw from when the going gets tough ..

Thank you for being there Cym

 

Please know that I think of you, and hold you in prayer.

 

Wishing you a blessed and peaceful day ..

 

Love, Lexi

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

Thank you for your kind words, Lexi, they mean a lot that you can write so beautifully in the midst of your struggle.

 

Thanks EO and btdt for the suggestions. I have read the power of now but what I want most right now is restful sleep. I had 2 nights with about 8 hours total and was furiously angry that I had to lie there from about 2:30 till I couldn't stand it anymore and got up at 7:30. Too many mornings like that.

 

I read with interest in the topic on taurine, Petu's and lexhex's experiences. One of the links posted talked about aspartame robbing taurine from the system. So I bought some and it did nothing the first night. But the second, after the 2 days of limited sleep, I slept until 5:30 and was so pleased. I don't know if the better sleep made me a little edgy or the taurine did so I cut it down to 4 doses, 500 mg total. I bought extra gelatin caps and crudely divided up the powder.

 

Last night, back to limited sleep. It has become warm here again and my body overheats at about 2 am and wakes me up. Little sleep after that, maybe some dozing. The taurine may have helped calm the angry thoughts in the morning, they are not as intense.

 

That is as much of an update as I can give today.

[EternalOptimist]

This taurine use sounds promising. think I'll check it put too. Am wishing you much success with it.

[mammaP]

Glad you had some help from the taurine, I don't thi nk I give things enough of a chance,

if it don't work once then it's sacked! Maybe I should give it another shot. 

Some good sleep makes so much  difference. I hope you can find something that works

for you, I'm sure you and I will feel so much better with some good sleep. 

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

I'm only starting with a small amount and don't know how it may be helping just yet so we will see. Anything that can dampen early morning anger is a plus. Today I feel a bit less agitated....

[mattinsmom]

Less agitated is a good place to start.

 

Night sweats seem to be happening to quite a few people these days. They are lousy. Clothes on, clothes off, clothes on..... I rotate pillows. When I get hot I switch to the one that is "cold" and that usually settles the frustration down a little. 

 

Hope that the taurine helps you.

[Petunia]

Thanks for stopping by my thread.  It seems that several people are trying taurine now since lexhex and me have had a significant response lately.  I was doing some intense research, trying to find out exactly what it does and in which parts of the brain, not much is conclusive, but I think that for some people it works in a way similar to benzos, by activating the gaba recpetors, providing a calming effect, but without all the bad effects.

 

Anger, as an emotion is supposed to be closely related to fear, I think its the fight part of the fight/flight response, I'm glad the tourine is helping a little.

 

(hugs)

[Narcissus]

I'm only starting with a small amount and don't know how it may be helping just yet so we will see. Anything that can dampen early morning anger is a plus. Today I feel a bit less agitated....

 

Glad to hear it cymbalta!  Agitation be damned.  Please keep us updated.  

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

Thanks for the encouragement Narcissus. I am glad to have the anger damped down, it is simply horrible and especially when focused on emptying the litter boxes and having to feed the cat. The feeling of hate toward an animal I once loved is awful. Has to be a neuro emotion for sure. Does not make it any less tolerable.

 

Thanks for the research Petu. I guess it does have a calming effect after all. My body sensations seem to be waking up a bit though and am not sure I like the effects. And not totally sure it is related to the taurine. I am still only going to take about 500 mg a day for awhile till I get used to how I feel.

 

I watched part of the Olympics closing ceremonies last night and actually laughed at the Russians poking fun at themselves about the 5th ring that didn't light up in the opening ceremony. That hasn't happened in awhile, a positive emotion.

 

I still cannot sit in my chair without playing something on my tablet. Just too agitated it seems. Cleaned part of the bathroom yesterday and was very agitated when I finished. Can't really tell why, just was. And had a weird reaction to turning on the A/C to cool off the house in the late afternoon. Felt like I couldn't breathe and had a feeling of freezing on the inside. My body thermostat is still wonky.

 

I guess I am improving, it is just that I still do not like the way I feel, think, remember, and experience the world. And have fears about the future. I still want more sleep, too.

[mammaP]

I love that you feel like you are improving CW, even a little is encouraging.  The window

is open just a crack, hope it opens all the way soon. 

[Nikki]

Hi Cymbalta....checking in and see that you are taking Taurine (is it an amino acid?)  At 500mgs. daily you said you are experiencing a calming effect and how is sleep?

 

Happy to hear that you found this.  I may want to try it too.  Petu is doing well with it too.  This is all good news.

 

Hugs

[mattinsmom]

I know that feeling of having everything get on my nerves. Its hard to be that angry. I believe one of the symptoms I've read about - what are families may see thread - was feelings of hostility towards those we're close to. It makes sense to me that you would get angry with your cat. Luckily it is just nero-emotions and will pass.

 

Good to hear that you got a chuckle out of the Olympic ceremonies. Chuckles are good. I hope that you continues to have moments of spontaneous chuckles. 

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

hi Nikki,

yes it is an amino acid. it may be calming and helping sleep too tho not as dramatically a reaction as petu. we are all so different in our drug histories and physiology so each has a different result. I'd love a nap during the day but it is not my time yet. I started it mainly about helping with  the heart since I drank diet soda for so long.

 

 

thanks for the encouragement mammal, my window was brief....

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

hi mattinsmom,

 

 just saw your note, thank for your comments (and the one about the getting hot during sleep). My cat seems adjusted to staying in the screen porch for now. I am far less angry about him since dosing the taurine, or maybe he is just trying not to get in my way. That anger sure was scary.

 

I wake in the middle of the night and am burning up. Assume it is cortisol related. This morning I put an ice pack on my neck and it seemed to help. After I finish my attempts to get more sleep about 7:30 I usually get really cold inside and have to bundle up. How weird this all is....

[tezza]

Hi CW, wanted to stop by and say hello. I'm sorry about the anger and 'hot' issues! I can totally relate to both but I haven't had a lot of that awful agitation. I'm sure you're tired, it seems to take a lot out of us, I think.

 

Hopefully, the taurine will help. I can't recall whether you've tried phosphatidylserine for the cortisol spikes. It helps me and it has helped a few others. If I leave it off, the second or third night I start having the soaking sweats and it takes a few days for that to stop after I reinstate PS.

 

Hoping you feel much better, soon

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

Hi Tezza,

 

Read about your anger in your thread today, I sure hated mine when it came up. So irrational and upsetting, like when I first came off the drugs and before I knew it was a withdrawal symptom. I really do think the taurine is helping with it. The heat that wakes me up at night is really weird, it is not always accompanied by sweating. It just feels very odd in a way I cannot explain. Somehow I don't think it is hormonal, I'm 20 years past meno and I never had hot flashes per se. I just think it is more withdrawal ugliness, like cortisol spikes as you mentioned. Have not tried the PS. I bought something at the health food store way back in Nov. when I got really sick but it was not PS. I'd have to look for it, I think it is something that has to be metabolized into PS.

 

I am still not reacting well to changes in the air temperature. Sometimes a light whiff of air feels way too cold and I get a chill. I keep looking at the thermostat to see if I should be cold....

 

Thanks for the well wishes and I hope you are 'cooling down'!

[tezza]

Thank you, CW, I am cooling off but I'm still angry and now I have a headache, probably tension. I may try the taurine...'May'...I'm sure I will, especially since it's good for the heart, too.

 

The only times I have the sweats is when I leave off the PS, otherwise I just get VERY hot. Occasionally, it happens during the day but it's usually during the night and I wake up feeling too hot. I haven't allowed any heat in my bedroom for almost two years and have turned the air on during the night a few times this winter.

 

Psychotropic drugs affect so many hormones... (Possibly all, even if indirectly)..cortisol, adrenaline, prolactin and so on (can't think straight, been working on this post for about an hour, sorry). But there are so many hormones that control the different organs throughout our bodies. Not only do they have adverse reactions on our organs (like thyroid or diabetes, etc) but they control emotions, too.

 

We then try to figure out which hormone is lacking or spiking (like melatonin and cortisol) and will try certain supplements, hoping to balance it back out. Risperdal affects prolactin and can cause the period to occur once or twice a year. I read that it could bring on early menopause.

 

Now, when I think about prescription drugs, I have a mental image of a mad scientist working feverishly, in a lab, creating Frankenstein.

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

well, the anger popped up right before bedtime, could hear mom's TV and very agitated. Had another argument this morning. Am in constant state of tension about her breathing condition getting worse. I feel completely awful and demoralized. A lot of emotional pain just hoping for a kind word from her but she has a knack for saying the wrong thing.

[mattinsmom]

About the hot flashes... I am post menopausal but only by a couple of years and surgically induced. Right after the surgery I would get "warm fuzzies". I was hot but not hot enough to break a sweat. I had very few hot flashes and most of my night sweats were clearing(ed) up. I was thinking about how I've gotten hot flashes and night sweats back and hadn't made the connection to med drop but you know what, that is when they came back. Interesting.

 

With the anger, I can relate. I can understand wanting a kind word from a particular person and not getting it too. I've been trying to just say nothing when someone's words sting. I write e-mails (never put in the address) that I don't send, I cry, a lot, and I talk about it here. I have an awesome therapist but I only see her 1x-week and angry (all emotions) don't seem to want to wait for that

 

I'm sorry that the person you want most to validate you is the one least able to. 

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

Thanks for relating your experience, Amy. The sensation of heat is so hard to describe and I think it is because it has withdrawal syndrome mixed in with it. It may have to do with getting too warm physically after I have been asleep for awhile. I think, but not sure, that when the heat wakes me up, if I don't throw the covers off and change my position (or get up for the bathroom) that I have then gotten a flush and the sweating starts. That sweat is usually hot and stinging. The heat happens every night. At what time I don't know, I turn the clock away so I can't see it.

 

I managed to talk to mom for a bit this morning and explained more about the horror in my head and she says she understands a bit more. My inability to feel any comfort is not her fault, I am sure it is due to my continued upset at being sick and my activity being so severely reduced, first by the meds and now by withdrawal. I feel awful that I can't be more understanding with her and keep it to myself.

 

Had an interesting experience with the ASMR video I finally decided to listen to (Petu made a post in Symptoms). I fell asleep in my chair for a short time but woke up hot because I had been all bundled up because I was cold when I got up from bed. (I am listening to another right now. Today is cloudy and that adds to the feeling that I have wasted another day.) It was after that that I talked to mom.

 

I feel very ugly inside today. Your note and the fact that you took the time to write it cheered me up a lot. Thank you.

[mattinsmom]

I'm sorry that you are feeling ugly inside but one thing I've gleaned from these pages is that how we "feel" rarely reflects who we really are. Feelings are not reliable predictors of reality. 

[tezza]

About the hot flashes... I am post menopausal but only by a couple of years and surgically induced. Right after the surgery I would get "warm fuzzies". I was hot but not hot enough to break a sweat. I had very few hot flashes and most of my night sweats were clearing(ed) up. I was thinking about how I've gotten hot flashes and night sweats back and hadn't made the connection to med drop but you know what, that is when they came back. Interesting.

 

With the anger, I can relate. I can understand wanting a kind word from a particular person and not getting it too. I've been trying to just say nothing when someone's words sting. I write e-mails (never put in the address) that I don't send, I cry, a lot, and I talk about it here. I have an awesome therapist but I only see her 1x-week and angry (all emotions) don't seem to want to wait for that

 

I'm sorry that the person you want most to validate you is the one least able to.

 

These "hot flashes" are very common in WD. Even some men on the forum have complained about them. I was the same as you mattinsmom, after surgery, then for a few years they were gone. They came back in WD.

 

When I first joined, I saw a topic about cortisol and thought I didn't need to read that....turned out I did need to.

 

For a good while, I wouldn't look at the clock either, CW, but now I do out of curiosity. Also, when it wake up and think it's morning and I've really only slept an hour or two I want to know before I allow myself to get too wide awake. At least I try not to.

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

Tezza,

I  am so glad you were here today. Have felt so awful emotionally. Cloudy days seem to magnify the desperation I feel. Thank you.

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

And you too, mm. Means so much to be heard and supported.

[tezza]

AWWW...that's sweet CW. I'm here sometimes and just don't know anything to say or how to say what I want to say. Sometimes I'll make a post and delete it before I post it. I'm always second guessing myself but I've always had low self esteem.

 

After I started keeping my daughter's baby, I grabbed whatever time I could for the tablet. I still have her some days, she was here yesterday. Now and then, one of a couple of people I know will stop by needing a friend. I know two that self medicate with poison and one or the other will come and entertain me all day. They don't know each other and thankfully have never come here at the same time. Neither comes often. I feel sorry for them, the poison makes them sorta paranoid schizophrenic, and it really scares me sometimes.

 

I sure hope you get some rest tonight! I'm gonna say a prayer for you to sleep better tonight.

 

Thank you for your kind words...BIG HUG!!!

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

And heartfelt hugs back to you Tezza. I am not looking forward to the night like I usually do. I hope it is at least tolerable if not good.

[Petunia]

I've noticed that you are posting again

 

I'm taking that as a sign you are feeling a little better, I hope so.

 

(hugs)

[Rhiannon]

Hey CW, just stopped by to say hello. Hugs!

[bubble]

In case it's stiil cloudy, I also wanted to cheer you up a bit

 

miss the sun badly myself...

 

tried to copy some images but it doesn't work

 

will try now with my Picasa album of flowers I took photos of in May... 

 

https://picasaweb.google.com/107017173486504061714/MeadowInMay?authkey=Gv1sRgCIuE1rTc-KCuYg

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

oh Bubble, those are wonderful photos! some stuff I have never seen, the white wispy stuff. thanks for sharing them, I hope others look at them too.

It has been sunny here and the weather OK so my mood is tolerable. It is pretty shaky in the early AM when I know I will not get anymore sleep. Full of dread of everything. Mind won't be still. Don't like my thoughts but I have not had the morning anger so much.

Petu, I am not feeling much better and don't know really why I posted so much yesterday. Maybe to feel like I had a place to belong? I don't seem to have any good feelings. Dreading the hot weather. Bought some rain gear yesterday. At least I am getting some sleep.

[bubble]

rain gear is finally here and so is sleep, that's very positive!

 

I'm glad you liked the photos, I find taking them incredibly relaxing. white wispy stuff is probably a photo of a dandelion just before filaments blow off when you take up close-ups of flowers, you find out they look even more amazing, especially small ones (and this focusing is a kind of very relaxing meditation

 

I started the whole thread on anger and irritability, it's awful ;( http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/5230-irritability-and-anger-as-neuroemotions/?hl=anger

 

but it passes, like everything else

 

hug

[mattinsmom]

Just checking in. 

thinking about you.

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

I hate making this update. I'm at emotional bottom. 21 y.o. cat put down at vet today, I couldn't do it but my friend did. Now all that's left is my mom and she is doing poorly. Gasping for breath every morning, wakes me up. Now only getting an hour or two of sleep. I am burning up all night. Have given up. Never knew what suffering was till now. Can't cry enough. Realized mom has been my best friend all these years. the days are dragging to a painful end. I feel I deserve this.