Member cymbaltawithdrawal5600 Posted January 30, 2015 Author Member Share Posted January 30, 2015 I have been given an idea on how to fix it and even the type of therapy to seek. I am just feeling so demoralized by life and my relationship to others right now that all I can do is cry. I am so sick of crying but I just can't seem to make myself get out of the house and start doing something about it. It is everywhere, everyone I come in contact with is spoiled by my internal dialogue. And it is not quite anhedonia either, it is more like a 'soul tiredness'. I've been here before. I have not recovered yet and the rotten thing is is that I was hoping to be recovered into a 'new' me. This is just not the way it happens. I once thought I would be grateful just to survive and recover from withdrawal syndrome. Now that the worst of that has passed, I am stuck here and not feeling very grateful. It wasn't enough. What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878 July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site. Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey. Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Soul tiredness..yeah I get it, I think. I hope you find some peace in your heart, somehow. 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
westcoast Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 This is a rejection I have felt my whole life, it is all I know about relationships with people and it won't be going away anytime soon. AD withdrawal was a temporary change, now I am back to having to be the 'me' that I was again. Nothing has changed except one more escape route has been closed off. Well 3 actually: men (the dating site fiasco showed me that), shopping (curtailed all shopping when wd hit and then I came to and looked around and saw all the silly stuff I had surrounded myself with), and antidepressant drugs (we see how that worked out for me in this 26 page thread). I have never in my life ever felt loved. Just thinking about it brings the worst kind of lump to my throat and a river of tears, I never knew why. Well, I now know why but fixing it is another matter. I had dating site fiascos. I have stopped trying. I feel so ugly and gross, largely because I can hardly bathe. Same for shopping. Did exactly what you did. House is a junk pit. And we don't have to discuss ADs. I should add that morning terror has stopped and that is a blessing. But the lumpiness of my current existence is grim, like moldy bread dough. 2009: Cancer hospital said I had adjustment disorder because I thought they were doing it wrong. Their headshrinker prescribed Effexor, and my life set on a new course. I didn't know what was ahead, like a passenger on Disneyland's Matterhorn, smiling and waving as it climbs...clink, clink, clink. 2010: Post surgical accidental Effexor discontinuation by nurses, masked by intravenous Dilaudid. (The car is balanced at the top of the track.) I get home, pop a Vicodin, and ... Whooosh...down, down, down, down, down...goes the trajectory of my life, up goes my mood and tendency to think everything is a good idea.2012: After the bipolar jig was up, now a walking bag of unrelated symptoms, I went crazy on Daytrana (the Ritalin skin patch by Noven), because ADHD was a perfect fit for a bag of unrelated symptoms. I was prescribed Effexor for the nervousness of it, and things got neurological. An EEG showed enough activity to warrant an epilepsy diagnosis rather than non-epileptic ("psychogenic") seizures. 2013-2014: Quit everything and got worse. I probably went through DAWS: dopamine agonist withdrawal syndrome. I drank to not feel, but I felt a lot: dread, fear, regret, grief: an utter sense of total loss of everything worth breathing about, for almost two years. I was not suicidal but I wanted to be dead, at least dead to the experience of my own brain and body. 2015: I began to recover after adding virgin coconut oil and organic grass-fed fed butter to a cup of instant coffee in the morning. I did it hoping for mental acuity and better memory. After ten days of that, I was much better, mood-wise. Approximately neutral. And, I experienced drowsiness. I could sleep. Not exactly happy, I did 30 days on Wellbutrin, because it had done me no harm in the past. I don't have the DAWS mood or state of mind. It never feel like doing anything if it means standing up. In fact, I don't especially like moving. I'm a brain with a beanbag body. Link to comment
westcoast Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Know what else? Trite though it sounds, we probably all lack the human basic of physical affection. I came from a family of non-touching, non-loving people. Hugging makes me feel weird. But they say it is very good for us. I do have dogs to hug, thank goodness. I feel like no one ought to have to touch me, and that I smell. I probably do, by the way. Perhaps there is a new friend out there for each of us whom we have not met yet. Praying that this is so. 2009: Cancer hospital said I had adjustment disorder because I thought they were doing it wrong. Their headshrinker prescribed Effexor, and my life set on a new course. I didn't know what was ahead, like a passenger on Disneyland's Matterhorn, smiling and waving as it climbs...clink, clink, clink. 2010: Post surgical accidental Effexor discontinuation by nurses, masked by intravenous Dilaudid. (The car is balanced at the top of the track.) I get home, pop a Vicodin, and ... Whooosh...down, down, down, down, down...goes the trajectory of my life, up goes my mood and tendency to think everything is a good idea.2012: After the bipolar jig was up, now a walking bag of unrelated symptoms, I went crazy on Daytrana (the Ritalin skin patch by Noven), because ADHD was a perfect fit for a bag of unrelated symptoms. I was prescribed Effexor for the nervousness of it, and things got neurological. An EEG showed enough activity to warrant an epilepsy diagnosis rather than non-epileptic ("psychogenic") seizures. 2013-2014: Quit everything and got worse. I probably went through DAWS: dopamine agonist withdrawal syndrome. I drank to not feel, but I felt a lot: dread, fear, regret, grief: an utter sense of total loss of everything worth breathing about, for almost two years. I was not suicidal but I wanted to be dead, at least dead to the experience of my own brain and body. 2015: I began to recover after adding virgin coconut oil and organic grass-fed fed butter to a cup of instant coffee in the morning. I did it hoping for mental acuity and better memory. After ten days of that, I was much better, mood-wise. Approximately neutral. And, I experienced drowsiness. I could sleep. Not exactly happy, I did 30 days on Wellbutrin, because it had done me no harm in the past. I don't have the DAWS mood or state of mind. It never feel like doing anything if it means standing up. In fact, I don't especially like moving. I'm a brain with a beanbag body. Link to comment
Member cymbaltawithdrawal5600 Posted January 30, 2015 Author Member Share Posted January 30, 2015 Ah WC, I cry for us both. How are we ever going to get out from under this? I want you to get better, as for me my high pain tolerance has caused me to become immune to it most of the time. I'll probably keep on this way. Already I have taken to eating and caffeine and that is worse yet, those will backfire on me too. (Hey, my advice in the how to use this site works! I just answered a PM in this browser tab and remembered I had been composing a reply. I was able to use 'autosave' to get it back. See, technology I understand, people are beyond me. That is why I found nursing difficult and auto repair much more to my liking. Clear cut fixing and a demonstrable result). What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878 July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site. Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey. Link to comment
westcoast Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 I don't know, Cymbie! I do not know. It's always darkest before the dawn, blah blah blah. Have you bathed and dressed yet today? It's my next lofty goal. Naturally I sleep in my clothes, and as Muddles just mentioned about herself, wear the same thing for days.So. I am going to bravely and boldly take a shower. The thought of it scares me. What is up with that? Oh, a few things. I don't like my lumpy body, I'm not a fan of standing upright, I'll have to dress in something that doesn't fit when I am done. Oh, and the horror of being cold while drying off. TO THINK I USED TO DO REALLY HARD THINGS AND ENJOY THEM. Cross-country runner in high school, scholarship to grad school, career in web development, endured stage 4 cancer treatment...now in collapse at the thought of taking a shower?LMK if you manage to bathe or dress, and give yourself a gold star if you do. 2009: Cancer hospital said I had adjustment disorder because I thought they were doing it wrong. Their headshrinker prescribed Effexor, and my life set on a new course. I didn't know what was ahead, like a passenger on Disneyland's Matterhorn, smiling and waving as it climbs...clink, clink, clink. 2010: Post surgical accidental Effexor discontinuation by nurses, masked by intravenous Dilaudid. (The car is balanced at the top of the track.) I get home, pop a Vicodin, and ... Whooosh...down, down, down, down, down...goes the trajectory of my life, up goes my mood and tendency to think everything is a good idea.2012: After the bipolar jig was up, now a walking bag of unrelated symptoms, I went crazy on Daytrana (the Ritalin skin patch by Noven), because ADHD was a perfect fit for a bag of unrelated symptoms. I was prescribed Effexor for the nervousness of it, and things got neurological. An EEG showed enough activity to warrant an epilepsy diagnosis rather than non-epileptic ("psychogenic") seizures. 2013-2014: Quit everything and got worse. I probably went through DAWS: dopamine agonist withdrawal syndrome. I drank to not feel, but I felt a lot: dread, fear, regret, grief: an utter sense of total loss of everything worth breathing about, for almost two years. I was not suicidal but I wanted to be dead, at least dead to the experience of my own brain and body. 2015: I began to recover after adding virgin coconut oil and organic grass-fed fed butter to a cup of instant coffee in the morning. I did it hoping for mental acuity and better memory. After ten days of that, I was much better, mood-wise. Approximately neutral. And, I experienced drowsiness. I could sleep. Not exactly happy, I did 30 days on Wellbutrin, because it had done me no harm in the past. I don't have the DAWS mood or state of mind. It never feel like doing anything if it means standing up. In fact, I don't especially like moving. I'm a brain with a beanbag body. Link to comment
chia1214 Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 Hi CW - I did finish your thread. You've made it through so much, this too shall pass. You have so many supporters here, that is really good to see. I know it doesn't help in the thick of things, nothing helps in the thick of things. Thanks for sharing though, I hope getting it out in writing here helps a little. I feel like such a teeny voice here, but wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you. And thanks for chronicling your story, I feel like I really know you! A big hug coming your way. -- Chia Read my intro here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/7569-chia1214-tapering-lamotrigine-maybe-clonazapam-later/#entry110043 1975 Hospitalized and first exposure to psych. drugs age 13-15 Haldol, Tofranil, Cogentin, Thorazine. On and off numerous AD’s & AP’s no records until 2000 2000 Celexa, Clonazepam 1mg – never exceeded 1 mg except occasional emergency use 2004 Lamictal (Lamotrigine), Effexor, recall add-on trials of Lexapro, Prozac, Wellbutrin during this time also 2007 Lithium added, switch Effexor to Pristiq, still on Lamictal (Lamotrigine) Clonazepam. Some cold turkey quits of everything over the years. No knowledge of WD 2011 Lithuim Gabapentin Lunestra, Lamictal (Lamotrigine), Clonazepam 2012 Taken off all but Lamictal (Lamotrigine), Clonazepam, began Zyprexa 2013 Abilify replaced Zyprexa (high lipids) added Wellbutrin, Prozac, Adderall 2014 Discontinued Abilify, Wellbutrin, Prozac, Adderall, added Latuda, Quetiapine, then stopped those. December 2014 Found SA Began slow taper of the only remaining two drugs I'm taking Clonazepam 0 mg Benzo free as of May 30, 2017 Lamotrigine 0 mg as of Jan 7, 2018 Link to comment
Member cymbaltawithdrawal5600 Posted January 31, 2015 Author Member Share Posted January 31, 2015 Thank you Chia. At the same time you were reading my thread I was reading yours this morning, I get notifications in email whenever someone responds to my topic (and other topics I have set up notifications up for) as I often read the site 'offline'. When my 'dinger' sounds in my email program that I have a new response, I check to see if it is something I need to log on for and reply. Hopefully I will finish that ugly post I started yesterday, I was just so happy to have received a reprieve from crying and upset that I never went back to it. It has to do with my mom and another person in my life and both seem h*ll bent on being 'casually malicious' for their own personal reasons. To have such stuff coming from two places where I am trying to be helpful really upsets me and my tendency is to react with anger and spite towards everything and everyone in my life who is at odds with how I think I should be. It is always 'what I think I should be feeling' instead of how I really feel, which is angry and hurt. I am so tired of always feeling only those two things, never contentment and satisfaction with my present circumstances. So I am glad to see you are able to go back and forth between at least my thread and your own (and the 'how to' topic), you are really getting the hang of things here. What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878 July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site. Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Addax Posted January 31, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted January 31, 2015 I think I may have said this before but I want to say it again because I truly think it would be so good fo you. I think finding a therapist, a cognitive behavioral therapist, would be very helpful. You mention the pain and hurt often caused by your internal dialogue, and the "shoulds" that make you feel badly as well, I just believe that having someone to examine these things and dispute them them with you would be so good for you. There are tele-mental-health programs popping up, so that might be an option to explore as well. 1988-2012: Prozac @ 60mg (with a few stops and starts) Fall 2012: Returned to 40mg after discontinuing and horrid withdrawal Fall 2013: 40mg Fluoxetine, added 150mg Wellbutrin to treat fatigue Winter 2014: Attempting to taper both (too fast) April 2014: 9mg Fluoxetine + 37.5 Wellbutrin Summer 2014: 8 mg Fluoxetine + 0 Wellbutrin (way too fast a drop) Late summer/Early Fall 2014: Debilitating Withdrawal symptoms Fall 2014 - Wellbutrin successfully kicked to the curb but… Oct- Dec 2014: Panicked reinstatement of Fluoxetine ->30mg - held for 5yrs Jan 2021: taper to 20mg Fluoxetine then tapering by 1mg every 2-3 months Fall 2022 - held at 10mg->December 2022: 9mg->Feb 2023: 8mg ->March 2023: brassmonkey slide begins: 7.8mg -> 7.6 -> 7.4->2 week hold (April)->7.2->7mg->6.8->2 week hold->6.6-> 1-month hold ->(June)-6.5->4-week hold-> (July)-6.4 (discontinued brassmonkey slide and slowed taper)-> (Aug)-6.2->(Sept)-6.0->(Oct)-5.9->(Nov)-5.8->(Dec)-5.7->wave!->(Jan)-5.8->(Feb)-6mg and holding. My 2014 withdrawal experience: https://rxisk.org/antidepressant-withdrawal-a-prozac-story/ Link to comment
Member cymbaltawithdrawal5600 Posted January 31, 2015 Author Member Share Posted January 31, 2015 Thanks Addax but it is "Emotion Focus Therapy" that has been recommended for those of us with 'attachment disorders'. I hate being a child of my parents A LOT. Neither one of them had parents who gave them any kind of secure attachment and they just passed that along to me. So no one in my immediate family knew how to relate in a loving intimate way. I found that out when I took a questionnaire. It became very clear to me when I heard my mother say "I knew my mother loved me even though she never said it". That is the same rationalization I use when I think about her and my father. We have to pretend it is so even though we never feel it. All the stuff I read about anything that might help me says how difficult we are to reach, we don't tend to take the advice of others well and instead prefer to remain independent and rely only on ourselves because we experience the world and its people as very unsupportive. That's me in a nutshell. Kind of hard to find and trust a therapist when one feels this way. CBT is not quite it I am afraid. I am locked inside a world of pain and I experience the world as mainly hostile or indifferent and rarely kind. It is a persistent way of viewing things, not that the world really IS that way. Actually I tend to think that most often the world is supremely indifferent to my feelings, comments like yours notwithstanding. For once I would like to be an 'actor' and not always stay stuck in 'reactive' mode. Thanks for your kind note anyway. It is why I am more comfortable solving tech related situations instead of anything to do with feelings. Actually I feel a bit better after logging onto the dating site and putting a bunch of nasty comments about the quality of men in my age group on there into my profile. I had a lot better response and even got a few dates when I deliberately poked them with a stick. It's an exercise in futility now because I won't date anyone anyway till I decide about therapy as it would just be more of the same old same old. What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878 July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site. Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Addax Posted January 31, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted January 31, 2015 I'm glad you found something that made you feel better :-). I recommended CBT, but in reality a therapist who is able to integrate various therapies and different theoretical orientations is a good way to go. I'm a proponent of CBT and REBT specifically, but see great value and need in integrating other therapies. It makes sense that technology is more comfortable than emotions given your description of the lack of familial intimacy growing up. we are always leery of things that are not familiar. Your insight clearly demonstrates that change can and will happen. Wanting it and being ready for it can be two very different things. I have no doubt You will get to a place that you are comfortable with people and intimacy when you're ready. 1988-2012: Prozac @ 60mg (with a few stops and starts) Fall 2012: Returned to 40mg after discontinuing and horrid withdrawal Fall 2013: 40mg Fluoxetine, added 150mg Wellbutrin to treat fatigue Winter 2014: Attempting to taper both (too fast) April 2014: 9mg Fluoxetine + 37.5 Wellbutrin Summer 2014: 8 mg Fluoxetine + 0 Wellbutrin (way too fast a drop) Late summer/Early Fall 2014: Debilitating Withdrawal symptoms Fall 2014 - Wellbutrin successfully kicked to the curb but… Oct- Dec 2014: Panicked reinstatement of Fluoxetine ->30mg - held for 5yrs Jan 2021: taper to 20mg Fluoxetine then tapering by 1mg every 2-3 months Fall 2022 - held at 10mg->December 2022: 9mg->Feb 2023: 8mg ->March 2023: brassmonkey slide begins: 7.8mg -> 7.6 -> 7.4->2 week hold (April)->7.2->7mg->6.8->2 week hold->6.6-> 1-month hold ->(June)-6.5->4-week hold-> (July)-6.4 (discontinued brassmonkey slide and slowed taper)-> (Aug)-6.2->(Sept)-6.0->(Oct)-5.9->(Nov)-5.8->(Dec)-5.7->wave!->(Jan)-5.8->(Feb)-6mg and holding. My 2014 withdrawal experience: https://rxisk.org/antidepressant-withdrawal-a-prozac-story/ Link to comment
Member cymbaltawithdrawal5600 Posted January 31, 2015 Author Member Share Posted January 31, 2015 Perhaps the therapy will be helpful if I can ever get over the crying that happens every time I read therapist bios in my area. I have yet to do anything except read about it. I have had insight all my life. Nothing has changed, I still hurt. What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878 July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site. Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey. Link to comment
Wildflower0214 Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 CW, I have been reading your thread. And I empathize with your story in many ways. My parents too are emotionally distant. It has caused many problems. But, you are a lovely kind person, and you can heal and grow beyond this. I know you can. 2005-Zoloft bad reaction.....2006-Lexepro......2012-Upped Lexepro.......2013-Upped Lexepro......2/2014- Attempted Taper Lexepro...2/2014- Updosed Lexepro.......3/2014-Ativan.....5/2014- CT switch from Lexpro to Effexor..... 5/2014-7/2014-Tapered Ativan from 1mg to .25mg.....6/2014-Bad reaction to Effexor........7/2014- Rapid taper Effexor every other day......7/5/2014- Off Effexor.......7/2014-12/2014 - Ativan .25mg.......12/25/2014 -Taper Ativan by 4% due to paradoxical reaction .24mg...11/18/2015-Taper Ativan 1% CURRENTLY ON: .2376mg Ativan taken in 6 .0396mg doses. Link to comment
Member cymbaltawithdrawal5600 Posted January 31, 2015 Author Member Share Posted January 31, 2015 Ah, JDM, it is a bit more complicated than emotional distance. But I am glad you have such faith in me, I don't have it myself right now. Every time my mom lets loose with a casually cruel remark I am thrown back into hating myself again. Her latest one happened weeks ago and it is still hurting me. She deliberately wants me to feel bad and it always seems to happen just as I start to do something nice for her. What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878 July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site. Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey. Link to comment
Wildflower0214 Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 Ah, JDM, it is a bit more complicated than emotional distance. But I am glad you have such faith in me, I don't have it myself right now. Every time my mom lets loose with a casually cruel remark I am thrown back into hating myself again. Her latest one happened weeks ago and it is still hurting me. She deliberately wants me to feel bad and it always seems to happen just as I start to do something nice for her. Yes, I used the description of emotional distance as a sugar coated phrasing. My pdoc, after interacting with my father minimally and processing the family history, looked at me in a session and told me my father acted like a sociopath. And I laughed, I thought it was a joke. She wasn't laughing. And, in truth, he may be. And, my mother is....a basketcase. I'm sorry your mother is behaving like this. It pains me for you. It amazes me. No matter how old we get, our parents still have the ability to be so damaging. I stand by my belief in you. You are a compassionate good human being. I believe you have the emotional ability to sort through the pain. It may hurt like h*ll, and it may take a long time, but I believe you can and you will when you are ready. 2005-Zoloft bad reaction.....2006-Lexepro......2012-Upped Lexepro.......2013-Upped Lexepro......2/2014- Attempted Taper Lexepro...2/2014- Updosed Lexepro.......3/2014-Ativan.....5/2014- CT switch from Lexpro to Effexor..... 5/2014-7/2014-Tapered Ativan from 1mg to .25mg.....6/2014-Bad reaction to Effexor........7/2014- Rapid taper Effexor every other day......7/5/2014- Off Effexor.......7/2014-12/2014 - Ativan .25mg.......12/25/2014 -Taper Ativan by 4% due to paradoxical reaction .24mg...11/18/2015-Taper Ativan 1% CURRENTLY ON: .2376mg Ativan taken in 6 .0396mg doses. Link to comment
Frustrated Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 I am sorry you have to deal with negativity in your family. I have an adult daughter who seems to always have nasty negative things to say to me. She puts me down constantly and I am raising her daughter. She should be grateful. I think those who feel the need to lower others with their hatred and negativity speaks more to their personal baggage and flaws then to ours. I am sure your mom loves you dearly as I am sure my daughter loves me. They just haven't grown enough emotionally to deal with their own demons. 2002-put on amitryptiline for fibromyalgia. 10mg.2004-stopped abruptly. Didn't think it helped.2006 approx.-put on Paxil for mild anxiety 20 mg.2007 upped to 40 mg. not sure why.2011- tapered from 40 to 10. went nuts and went back to 20mg2014- tapered from 20mg to 0 from April to The end of June.current meds- Metformin(type 2 diabetic) and low dose aspirin.Take multi vitamin and vit b12, vit. D and magnesium. 5 months off Paxil. Still suffering.recently added 1.2mg of Paxil to alleviate withdrawals.(Nov 30)Dropped to .9mg because having symptoms from reinstatement.(dec 23)<p>taper to .76mg-.8mg (Feb 3) approx. weight .010 to about .008-.009 on scale..6mg (march 19th.) .5mg(April 19th).4mg(April 27th).2 (June 27th) 0mg. done taper at beginning of August. Link to comment
Martina23 Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 I was just today also thinking that I never had the feeling my mother understands me. By my dates which did not end very well I was always guilty. If I said what I would like to accomplish in my life, she always let me know I am going the bad way. Now I am 37 and even till now I did not manage to forget it and not to take it personally. I think the children would achieve much more if they had feeling they are respected for their opinions and loved. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
direstraits Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 :(it's too bad we don't get to choose our parents in this life went on Prozac 1994-99,60mg.poopout ct back on 2001-2002,prozac weekly 2002,not working,Effexor 75 mg.?2003-mar.2004 gaining weight 8wk. taper,wellbutrin 150 mg.mar. -may 2004 ctmedfree til july 2005 back to Prozac gaining weight again,back on wellbutrin jan.2006150-300 mg.bad constipation.also was taking aygestin(hormone)perimenopausal irregular bleeding.back on Prozac around sept,?2006,hysterectomy jan30.2007(adenomyosis)off&on Prozac til 2009,citalopram about 1 mo, April 2010 no effect,Effexor again may -mar, 2011.ct,Prozac aug,-dec, 2011 &sept-nov 2012,paroxetine oct,23 2013-may 4 2014 20 mgs.tapered 6 wks.-failed RI in Oct.2014-in protracted WD.started 10 mgs. Fluoxetine May 25 2021 .Stopped fluoxetine May 2022 at 5 mgs. Link to comment
Member cymbaltawithdrawal5600 Posted January 31, 2015 Author Member Share Posted January 31, 2015 Boy if that isn't the truth. But the thing is, I remember my grandparents. They were (both sets of them) from the old country and their families cast them out because there was no room for them to live in the family house (my mom's parents) and my other grandmother, I have no idea why she left the old country but she moved here and threw her husband out (because he beat her and my dad) and raised 3 kids all by herself. They got along without love, they had to. But they could not teach something they did not know. And that is how my parents got to be the way they are and why I am the way I am. I never wanted any kids because I did not want them to ever hate themselves like I hated myself. I don't know how to form attachments with people because my parents did not know how to do that because their parents never taught them. One website I am reading says that about 50% of the people nowadays might have such a problem in varying degrees. A reason for the 50% divorce rate, yada yada. And apparently dating websites are filled with such people. At least now I know. All I know is that it hurts and there is no relief from the hurt. Especially right now when I can't seem to get interested in anything again. What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878 July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site. Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey. Link to comment
Member cymbaltawithdrawal5600 Posted January 31, 2015 Author Member Share Posted January 31, 2015 :(it's too bad we don't get to choose our parents in this life When I was all into metaphysics and other crap like that they told me I DID choose my parents and sibling.... how lovely, I say. Can't be helped. What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878 July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site. Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey. Link to comment
direstraits Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 yeah,I've heard that somewhere myself-BS I think ,but then who knows? went on Prozac 1994-99,60mg.poopout ct back on 2001-2002,prozac weekly 2002,not working,Effexor 75 mg.?2003-mar.2004 gaining weight 8wk. taper,wellbutrin 150 mg.mar. -may 2004 ctmedfree til july 2005 back to Prozac gaining weight again,back on wellbutrin jan.2006150-300 mg.bad constipation.also was taking aygestin(hormone)perimenopausal irregular bleeding.back on Prozac around sept,?2006,hysterectomy jan30.2007(adenomyosis)off&on Prozac til 2009,citalopram about 1 mo, April 2010 no effect,Effexor again may -mar, 2011.ct,Prozac aug,-dec, 2011 &sept-nov 2012,paroxetine oct,23 2013-may 4 2014 20 mgs.tapered 6 wks.-failed RI in Oct.2014-in protracted WD.started 10 mgs. Fluoxetine May 25 2021 .Stopped fluoxetine May 2022 at 5 mgs. Link to comment
Member cymbaltawithdrawal5600 Posted January 31, 2015 Author Member Share Posted January 31, 2015 All I know is that now, believing stuff like that, is just not helpful. Contemplating therapy for insecure attachment disorder seems much more likely to bring results. If I can make myself find a therapist. What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878 July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site. Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus dalsaan Posted January 31, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted January 31, 2015 I found this book very helpful - http://www.drlaurenceheller.com/books.html If I could access therapy from this approach I would. Take care Dx Please note - I am not a medical practitioner and I do not give medical advice. I offer an opinion based on my own experiences, reading and discussion with others.On Effexor for 2 months at the start of 2005. Had extreme insomnia as an adverse reaction. Changed to mirtazapine. Have been trying to get off since mid 2008 with numerous failures including CTs and slow (but not slow enough tapers)Have slow tapered at 10 per cent or less for years. I have liquid mirtazapine made at a compounding chemist. Was on 1.6 ml as at 19 March 2014. Dropped to 1.5 ml 7 June 2014. Dropped to 1.4 in about September. Dropped to 1.3 on 20 December 2014. Dropped to 1.2 in mid Jan 2015. Dropped to 1 ml in late Feb 2015. I think my old medication had run out of puff so I tried 1ml when I got the new stuff and it seems to be going ok. Sleep has been good over the last week (as of 13/3/15). Dropped to 1/2 ml 14/11/15 Fatigue still there as are memory and cognition problems. Sleep is patchy but liveable compared to what it has been in the past. DRUG FREE - as at 1st May 2017 >My intro post is here - http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2250-dalsaan Link to comment
Member cymbaltawithdrawal5600 Posted February 1, 2015 Author Member Share Posted February 1, 2015 Oh thanks, D! I used to have his website as a pinned tab in my browser on my other computer, when I switched I never though to carry over my pins and bookmarks. I think I'll do some reading for a bit till it doesn't make me cry so much. I hate being this way. Every time my mom does something mean it shades my whole world black. Then I get stuck in this dam chair, not wanting to do anything. You would think at my age I could shrug it off but she is very wily and I find myself sucked in beyond my will. What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878 July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site. Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey. Link to comment
btdt Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 I have been given an idea on how to fix it and even the type of therapy to seek. I am just feeling so demoralized by life and my relationship to others right now that all I can do is cry. I am so sick of crying but I just can't seem to make myself get out of the house and start doing something about it. It is everywhere, everyone I come in contact with is spoiled by my internal dialogue. And it is not quite anhedonia either, it is more like a 'soul tiredness'. I've been here before. I have not recovered yet and the rotten thing is is that I was hoping to be recovered into a 'new' me. This is just not the way it happens. I once thought I would be grateful just to survive and recover from withdrawal syndrome. Now that the worst of that has passed, I am stuck here and not feeling very grateful. It wasn't enough. I am getting caught up here sorry I have mostly be away. Looking after myself and the sick kitten. It may not seem like enough just now because it isn't. That is the way it goes for me too. I am always raising the bar as soon as one thing passes I want more... always more. I think this is likely a good thing otherwise we would not keep looking for the things we really want in our lives to have them we have to knowledge we still hunger for something. Yes it often hurts too... I wish it were the way of fairy tales and could just come without pain and struggle. It never has not yet at least. I once thought if only the brain zaps would stop I could get on with things ... I know that is sill considering all the other things that were going on but a the time I really was praying and thinking that. When something pushes us right to the end of our endurance we think the skies will open up and when it is gone and they do briefly kind of. There is always more it seems. I think that is one of the reasons I liked the book the power of now so much as it gave me a different perspective on how to look at things and helped me to change my focus for a time when it was really important that I change it. I should pick it up again as usually when I need it I start talking to other people about it. There is a part of me that wonders how much of this is a wd issue and how much of it is recovering a life after the worth of it is over... and to tell you the truth I go back on forth on it as I am never really sure wd ever ends for me. I just can't say for sure as I have watched the symptoms morph and bounce around just like they say with the old rubic cube. I too have thought I need this or that... and tried therapy. I just can't say what you journey is.. I can't figure out my own... whatever it is it is good to know there are kind people like you to help me along the way and I hope to be of some service to you too. Being kind to ourselves is never a mistake.. not ever... please be kind to you and think of the things that you used to support yourself in getting to this point they are still there for you to use once you gain the tool it is always yours. I wish you peace WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Petunia Posted February 1, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted February 1, 2015 I'm sorry you're going through another bad patch CW. I know you have underlying issues, we all do, or we wouldn't have tried drugs in the first place, but I think at least part of what you're going though is still w/d. I think you may still be having some windows and waves going on, possibly triggered by relationship issues and your mom, but do you think some of this might be neuro-emotions? Perhaps when the time is right, you will feel motivated to look for the kind of therapy you need and you will be excited about it, it wont be something you have to force yourself to do. I've also never felt loved. I looked back through this page of your thread where you wrote that, but it must be the previous one. I know you wrote it recently because when I read it I ended up just sitting here thinking about my own experience of not having felt loved and I figured something out, about myself at least. I did actually feel loved, very briefly in one relationship, but it didn't make much sense because when I no longer fit in with his agenda, he suddenly dumped me, like as if it meant nothing. So he obviously hadn't really loved me, and yet I had felt loved. (valued, wanted, accepted) I figured out that what I had really been feeling was the beginnings of self acceptance or self love. Without going into too much detail, at the beginning of the relationship, he accepted and even encouraged aspects of myself which my parents had taught me to be ashamed of, I was feeling loved, not because he loved me, but because he was teaching me how to love and accept myself, or at least parts of myself I had previously rejected. I suppose that's what good therapy might do, undo some of the bad parenting and help us learn how to love ourselves so that we don't have to look to other people or shopping or chocolate or drugs to fill that void. I don't have any escape routes left either. I'm not a doctor. My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one. My Introduction Thread Full Drug and Withdrawal History Brief Summary Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects 2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010 Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal) May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins. Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens. Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days. April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close. VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from? VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made? VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes? VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects? VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes Link to comment
btdt Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 Good post It seems to me that is when the really hard work begins when there are no escape routes left.... and no place to hide. Not only is it hard but it generally is rewarding I did a lot of therapy in my life some of it was worth the money. peace all.... WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
Member cymbaltawithdrawal5600 Posted February 1, 2015 Author Member Share Posted February 1, 2015 (edited) Thanks Petunia and btdt. It is not quite neuro emotions, it is a bit different from them as they are the feelings I have always had inside. So that much of me has recovered and gone back to baseline. This thing about love: I always wondered why, my whole life, whenever I saw my friends' parents or other people I worked with say, hug and tough and kiss each other, I would get a huge painful lump in my throat and stinging tears in my eyes, even if only for a brief moment. It always mystified me. Now that I know why does not make it any easier. I have a constant black hateful vindictive angry wanting to 'strike back and wound as I have been wounded' internal dialogue going on almost constantly. It is primarily in my dad's voice, he was always very vocal and quick to point out the shortcomings of others in order to play up himself. Whenever I feel dismissed or hurt or whatever my immediate tendency is to drop everything and leave and just get out of the game completely, I'll show you kind of thing, you'll miss me when I am gone blah blah blah. But no one ever misses me. And its kinda hard because I cannot leave my own house and get away from my mother, there is always a tenseness there. And I am stuck. So there is a lot of silence until the next big blow up and I yell and yell and yell at her and get it all out. Sometimes I yell so fiercely it hurts but I can do it now, she can't slap me across the face like she did when I was a kid and prevent me from getting my feelings out. Do you know I was in my mid 20's before I could ever raise my voice to someone if I disagreed? I remember so vividly yelling at an ex roommate, telling them to get out and actually FLINCHING because I expected them to slap me. An adult flinching? I always found it easier to go silent and passive aggressive instead of confronting because the result of my mother's slapping was that I never knew how to deal with the harsh emotions inside of me. Petunia, you were lucky that you ever felt self acceptance, even for a brief moment. If I have ever felt it it soon evaporated, replaced by self loathing. My dad is the one to thank for this. There is another weird thing: I remember when I was school aged and someone would tell me (or I found out) that a guy 'liked' me I always had this 'sinking' feeling inside me. Same thing happened the first time the ex husband said he 'loved' me. It did not make me feel good at all. What in the world did my parents do to me that my feelings of 'unlove' are so strong and pervasive? They weren't monsters and other children have had far worse lives than me and have happy marriages and good lives. I hate going over and over and over the same ground all of the time, never anything getting fixed. I spent most of yesterday between 2 browser windows, one of SA and one of the dating site. Have no idea why I decided to log onto the dating site, stopped going there way before Thanksgiving when I got all weirded out about a guy I never even met. Rewrote my profile and became just another one of the vocally disillusioned site denizens but it had a surprising result: I have a date for coffee today and another guy who appears to be becoming 'smitten' (and I gave you a hint above as to how that makes me feel, right?). I woke up this morning, logged on and my inbox was empty. A few minutes later there were 3 long emails from him (he must touch type), I think he wants to save me. I had him read the thread where I bared all in their forums and the mysterious lady told me what my problem was and the type of therapy to seek. All I wanted was someone to talk to, not a messy real date with a person who has feelings when I can't even deal with my own and I don't want to hurt theirs. I want this day to be over and I want my feelings to go away. I don't like them. Well I am starting to feel a tiny bit better, there is one more ugly thing going on, I'll leave that till later. This is getting so tiresome. Edited February 1, 2015 by cymbaltawithdrawal5600 added Petu's 'tail' What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878 July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site. Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey. Link to comment
ikam Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 All I know is that now, believing stuff like that, is just not helpful. Contemplating therapy for insecure attachment disorder seems much more likely to bring results. If I can make myself find a therapist. I know well how it is to comtemplate, but still finding no energy...but at least you are contemplating and next stage hopefully will be the action... In terms of therapy, the question is what you want to gain from it...for me relational aspect works better...i had some attachement problems from my childhood and it took me years to trust my therapist...he works from body-mind perspective... For me cbt, or nlp, are more like quick fixes approaches...i think both lack more relational aspect sometimes...but nlp helped me to give up smoking 15 years ago... - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
ikam Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 Oh thanks, D! I used to have his website as a pinned tab in my browser on my other computer, when I switched I never though to carry over my pins and bookmarks. I think I'll do some reading for a bit till it doesn't make me cry so much. I hate being this way. Every time my mom does something mean it shades my whole world black. Then I get stuck in this dam chair, not wanting to do anything. You would think at my age I could shrug it off but she is very wily and I find myself sucked in beyond my will. Hmmm, just sounds like me after talking to my mother...recently I ended up sending her money again (but I have no money!). She easily takes from me (role reversal?)...Then she asked if I am going to vist her, I said "mum, I just sent you some money..."... I am only beginning to talk about my issues with my mother in therapy...it took me years to get to this point... I always thought I was the problem... - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
Member cymbaltawithdrawal5600 Posted February 1, 2015 Author Member Share Posted February 1, 2015 I remember how excited I was when I first read of the NLP concept years ago, Milton Erikson was the person that started it and then some other guy changed it around. I never had the money to find a therapist. What Erikson wrote in the books I read fascinated me. What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878 July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site. Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey. Link to comment
ikam Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 I remember how excited I was when I first read of the NLP concept years ago, Milton Erikson was the person that started it and then some other guy changed it around. I never had the money to find a therapist. What Erikson wrote in the books I read fascinated me. I did a training in nlp years ago, read all Erikson's books, but in my native language. I some had nlp on me, but it worked only for short term. I did post one nlp link to strategy called swish, it is good protocol when we try to work on our different image...change from negative to positive... - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
Member cymbaltawithdrawal5600 Posted February 2, 2015 Author Member Share Posted February 2, 2015 The swish technique is interesting, found some reading here: http://www.personal-development-planet.com/nlp-swish-pattern.html I like how it goes into detail on the not wanting to exercise deal, that is one of the things I want to work on. This is non-mod chatter: Super Bowl Sunday: finally got around to searching google for how they get the logos and down lines drawn on the tv screen, been bugging me for some time (and the tech has actually been in use since 2011): http://mentalfloss.com/article/27009/explaining-magic-yellow-first-down-line and http://entertainment.howstuffworks.com/first-down-line.htm I only waste my time watching one game a year, the big un. Had another date today, my fourth, and 3 more messages in my dating site inbox. I think the guy was a bit disappointed when I told him I did not have any plans for any relationships any time soon. I can't figure a reason to. Loneliness is not a compelling reason because like wd, it goes away, it is just yukky when it has me in its clutches. He was a really nice guy too. Tomorrow, if the phone does not ring, I'll put the final piece of the ugly story here and Try To Get Over It. If it does ring, then ah, idk. I don't know if getting it out has helped, or the nice comments from others, or meeting someone and listening to their worldview or just time but I feel a bit less down. What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878 July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site. Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus dalsaan Posted February 2, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted February 2, 2015 Had another date today, my fourth, and 3 more messages in my dating site inbox. I think the guy was a bit disappointed when I told him I did not have any plans for any relationships any time soon. I can't figure a reason to. I don't know if getting it out has helped, or the nice comments from others, or meeting someone and listening to their worldview or just time but I feel a bit less down. I couldn't find a reason to either for most of my teens, twenties, thirties. Then I decided I didn't want to do life on my own. But, that's all I knew and all I trusted - me, alone. I couldn't understand why anyone would want to be in a relationship with me but I just decided I would fake it till I made it. In other words try being in a relationship and learning what that was about. I picked very poorly at first, someone who had more attachment issues than I did (because it felt safe but of course placed me in a very vulnerable position) Then I picked very well. I picked someone who always privileges my happiness and I have learnt the value and skill in doing the same. We both privilege the health of our relationship over all else. 10 years later, still going strong. You can learn to trust that someone can, will, does love you but you cant learn that through thinking about it, you have to learn it by experience. It is about learning the value of, purpose and practice of attachment over again. In my eyes it was well worth it D Please note - I am not a medical practitioner and I do not give medical advice. I offer an opinion based on my own experiences, reading and discussion with others.On Effexor for 2 months at the start of 2005. Had extreme insomnia as an adverse reaction. Changed to mirtazapine. Have been trying to get off since mid 2008 with numerous failures including CTs and slow (but not slow enough tapers)Have slow tapered at 10 per cent or less for years. I have liquid mirtazapine made at a compounding chemist. Was on 1.6 ml as at 19 March 2014. Dropped to 1.5 ml 7 June 2014. Dropped to 1.4 in about September. Dropped to 1.3 on 20 December 2014. Dropped to 1.2 in mid Jan 2015. Dropped to 1 ml in late Feb 2015. I think my old medication had run out of puff so I tried 1ml when I got the new stuff and it seems to be going ok. Sleep has been good over the last week (as of 13/3/15). Dropped to 1/2 ml 14/11/15 Fatigue still there as are memory and cognition problems. Sleep is patchy but liveable compared to what it has been in the past. DRUG FREE - as at 1st May 2017 >My intro post is here - http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2250-dalsaan Link to comment
Member cymbaltawithdrawal5600 Posted February 2, 2015 Author Member Share Posted February 2, 2015 Dalsaan, I 'get' it intellectually but the amount of pain I feel when I just try to imagine a loving relationship with someone in my mind's eye just floors me. I am seriously messed up here. What is really weird is I sent a message to the guy some hours later, a link to my dreadful forum story so he would understand what I had been trying to say at the end of our meet. He had asked me what I was looking for in a relationship and my ready answer was 'to get out of it alive'. But, he says, we all die. You can't do that. Yeah I know, says I, but that is still what I want. I received a terse reply back and I was a bit hurt but relieved that I won't have to have any more contact with him because I truly don't know what to do and why do it anyway, because it does not matter. I see no good ever coming from it. I am glad yours worked out for you. Now this is weird. There is another guy who is writing me after I told him to read the story and he is texting me like crazy (because I gave him my #), and he is falling all over himself wanting to be my friend and help me. Just like I did with the guy I developed the infatuation with so I am seeing it from the other side. I told him I was working today and he is not getting the hint, still sending texts. I don't have to deal with him till later and I will too. I am anything if not polite to them. My inbox was full of messages this morning all because I have given up on romance. I need to change my profile to 'just looking, nothing serious'. It is good for a laugh, a time waster but also a way to meet new people (well, maybe not such a good way after all.) So the other bad thing? The volunteer organization lady has thrown me under the bus for the last time and I am done with that place until someone else takes over. Yes, I went back to it again, because I thought they 'needed me'. What was making me feel bad is that I lied about why I did not respond to her calls, said I was out of range. I felt bad about that all weekend but I got no calls this morning so I am out in the clear. This is a small town but I can always feign deafness or preoccupation with label reading should I see her at the grocery. I don't plan on ever renewing my membership there, it has not gotten me any new clients at all, has cost me money and has been an expensive waste of time. My not taking her calls was the only form my rebellion could take, I would have said nasty things. Something is not right about what is going on in that organization but I cannot find out what and she is just plain weird, weirder than even I am. What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878 July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site. Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey. Link to comment
btdt Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 I have had some thoughts of returning to therapy since the last time.. when I was in wd thick of it so to speak. Every time I think of it I think of the way things have gone over the past few years of how I was doing well for a time then slid back. As of yet I am not convinced therapy is the answer more then time off drugs... as I still feel I am under the after affects ... I could be wrong but I think the after affects have more to do with my life today than any other event. At the same time I am no longer sure that further waiting is going to be a cure for this. I myself have been therapied to death ... years and years of it. I just can't see the use in it any longer. I hope you find one that works for you. I feel the same way about dating sites... and now I wonder if I am just too cynical to live... I will go and contemplate that maybe it will take me some place new.. lets hope. I wish you peace WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
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