Member cymbaltawithdrawal5600 Posted March 8, 2015 Author Member Share Posted March 8, 2015 Thanks too, LL. The worst part about this is that I am firmly convinced that nothing I can do will even make any difference. I thought about getting some fish oil and than said what's the use? I took it before and it made no difference. Same with exercise, I could not budge my weight one ounce so I quit. I have now gained more weight because of all the sitting. Lost my friends at the girls group because I stood up in a meeting and told a girl what I thought of her, everyone was upset and since I left not one has called me. Another client lost because the owner died. Everything is leaving and I am so down I can't start anything. It does no good to talk about it because it won't fix anything. That is why I stopped looking for a therapist, what is the use. I can't change anything that is happening, the world does what it wants and if I can't keep up it is my fault. This is just not fixable. And doing nothing is not helping I know. I am very stuck. When things were bad with wd syndrome at least it felt like I was doing something, I was hanging on. This is not like that. This feels just dead. What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878 July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site. Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey. Link to comment
ikam Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 Thank you. I never imagined it could be this bad. I though what I went through last year was bad, this is bad in a different way. It feels just pretty dead. I hope you are doing well. I have just not been able to read peoples threads lately so I will have a lot to catch up on. And thank you, Ikam, I just saw your post. I don't know what is wrong, really. I just feel defeated and hopeless and there is no way I can fix this. I can't seem to fix anything right now. It is 3:38 PM Eastern Daylight Time on March 8 where I am right now. Maybe just stop fixing then? Who does the defeating to whom??? I think it is you expecting from yourself too much, e.g. you said "i can't seem to fix ANYTHING right now"...Maybe you could cgange this sentence in the way that it does not contain "anything"...and then maybe just give yourself permission to be the way you are... - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
ikam Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 Thanks too, LL. The worst part about this is that I am firmly convinced that nothing I can do will even make any difference. I thought about getting some fish oil and than said what's the use? I took it before and it made no difference. Same with exercise, I could not budge my weight one ounce so I quit. I have now gained more weight because of all the sitting. Lost my friends at the girls group because I stood up in a meeting and told a girl what I thought of her, everyone was upset and since I left not one has called me. Another client lost because the owner died. Everything is leaving and I am so down I can't start anything. It does no good to talk about it because it won't fix anything. That is why I stopped looking for a therapist, what is the use. I can't change anything that is happening, the world does what it wants and if I can't keep up it is my fault. This is just not fixable. And doing nothing is not helping I know. I am very stuck. When things were bad with wd syndrome at least it felt like I was doing something, I was hanging on. This is not like that. This feels just dead. You are trying to change things...but the answer is in no changing...a good therapist would allow you to be yourself and follow the process... In cbt they talk about changing this or that, finding solutions, etc. But there are therapies, such as existential that follow the process... At least this is what my therapist does... I almost demanded on him to give me a solution for my morning misery and suicidality, he said he was not intersted in this change... I know, this is not the same, but always when I am angry with myself that I feel low, I feel even lower...if I manage to observe and accept my feelings, they evolve quicker... So maybe, just don't change it, or fix "anything"...this is the way it is, it will evolve, but only if you will manage to accept the way you are... When I was looking for a therapist I spent a lot of time and have chosen somebody who is integrative and also trained in body psychotherapy... I would never go for cbt only, or other similar modalities... - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Addax Posted March 8, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted March 8, 2015 Happy Birthday, CW! I wish you felt more like celebrating. I think one of the worst parts of withdrawal are those periods where we can't remember what it was like not to feel horrible or to feel anything. It's like some nutty mind trick that convinces us, "this is it! I'm stuck like this!" And there's almost no amount of reassurance or disputing that can convince us otherwise. We become THAT convinced. I'm almost tempted to label this thought pattern a hallmark of withdrawal. Isn't there a thread somewhere on SA titled, "Is it always going to feel like this?" Or something like that? You will come out the other end of this. I know you may not believe me right now, but you will, CW. 1988-2012: Prozac @ 60mg (with a few stops and starts) Fall 2012: Returned to 40mg after discontinuing and horrid withdrawal Fall 2013: 40mg Fluoxetine, added 150mg Wellbutrin to treat fatigue Winter 2014: Attempting to taper both (too fast) April 2014: 9mg Fluoxetine + 37.5 Wellbutrin Summer 2014: 8 mg Fluoxetine + 0 Wellbutrin (way too fast a drop) Late summer/Early Fall 2014: Debilitating Withdrawal symptoms Fall 2014 - Wellbutrin successfully kicked to the curb but… Oct- Dec 2014: Panicked reinstatement of Fluoxetine ->30mg - held for 5yrs Jan 2021: taper to 20mg Fluoxetine then tapering by 1mg every 2-3 months Fall 2022 - held at 10mg->December 2022: 9mg->Feb 2023: 8mg ->March 2023: brassmonkey slide begins: 7.8mg -> 7.6 -> 7.4->2 week hold (April)->7.2->7mg->6.8->2 week hold->6.6-> 1-month hold ->(June)-6.5->4-week hold-> (July)-6.4 (discontinued brassmonkey slide and slowed taper)-> (Aug)-6.2->(Sept)-6.0->(Oct)-5.9->(Nov)-5.8->(Dec)-5.7->wave!->(Jan)-5.8->(Feb)-6mg and holding. My 2014 withdrawal experience: https://rxisk.org/antidepressant-withdrawal-a-prozac-story/ Link to comment
UnfoldingSky Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 Hi CW, I saw your thread bumped so I wanted to say hello. I have only read a little here, and am sorry that you are feeling so down lately CW, especially on your birthday. Hoping you get a break soon. I am not a medical professional and nothing I say is a medical opinion or meant to be medical advice, please seek a competent and trusted medical professional to consult for all medical decisions. Link to comment
btdt Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 When we are in the think of it we can't see out it is the nature of the beast. I have tried a few different things sometimes I did nothing sometimes for a long time... eventually I would strike out on a plan... try it if I could manage it carried on if not rested some more. I know it does not feel like rest nothing like rest. Maybe that is at times worth focusing on resting.... easing the strain when you can. I wish you peace WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Petunia Posted March 9, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted March 9, 2015 A few things ikam wrote reflected what I was thinking as I read your posts. When people start feeling the loss, the only way to go through it is to give themselves permission to crying, misery, anger and whatever associated with grief emotions... Usually, when people say that they "only cry", or "cry too much", etc. they somehow get stuck in trying to reach impossible. As what is possible is to go through pain...this pain is not you, ... Maybe just stop fixing then?Who does the defeating to whom??? I think it is you expecting from yourself too much, .... maybe just give yourself permission to be the way you are... You are trying to change things...but the answer is in no changing...a good therapist would allow you to be yourself and follow the process... when I am angry with myself that I feel low, I feel even lower...if I manage to observe and accept my feelings, they evolve quicker...So maybe, just don't change it, or fix "anything"...this is the way it is, it will evolve, but only if you will manage to accept the way you are... 'the world does what it wants and if I can't keep up it is my fault.' Its not about you keeping up with the world, but about you finding out who you really are, underneath everything 'the world' says you have to be. I'm not a doctor. My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one. My Introduction Thread Full Drug and Withdrawal History Brief Summary Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects 2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010 Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal) May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins. Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens. Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days. April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close. VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from? VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made? VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes? VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects? VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes Link to comment
Member cymbaltawithdrawal5600 Posted March 9, 2015 Author Member Share Posted March 9, 2015 And underneath it all I have discovered a person I do not like. That is what is hurting. I give up. What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878 July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site. Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey. Link to comment
ikam Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 And underneath it all I have discovered a person I do not like. That is what is hurting. I give up. I see it is painfull, but often this "realistic" view may be start for the new beginning... - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
Pugknows Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 (((((CW))))) Please don't give up on yourself. You can't choose the curve balls life throws at you, but you CAN choose who you want to be. You CAN choose how you spend your days. You CAN choose your friends. You CAN choose how you interact with people, out of love or fear. You CAN choose what you put in your body to help it thrive. There is so much you CAN choose for yourself. You are having a hard time loving yourself right now. You thought you were past the worst of it and you ARE. You are past the phase you had no control over and now you are in the phase of what you can control. It's the most daunting part of life. There's a weird safety and security blanket in withdrawal. You have no control over much of anything, so all you have to do is wait and do as little as possible. You're beyond that now. You are in the scary phase. You can now dictate where your life goes from here. Just take small steps, and I mean baby steps, toward the woman you want to be and the life you want to have. Don't take on big challenges. Just do little things, maybe one or two a day, that start clearing a path for your new life. Regain what you've lost. Rectify what you can. Start creating new inroads. Just realize you are still fragile, like in withdrawal, and don't take on the world. Focus on doing little things that will help you build a strong emotional foundation with cement and steel girders, not sand and fill dirt. You can do this. You just thought you've been through the hardest part, but found out that where you are NOW is the hardest part because you are now in control of where you go from here. I know you will become who you want to be with baby steps. Love you. I could be full of sh*t, but I don't think so. January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
Member cymbaltawithdrawal5600 Posted March 9, 2015 Author Member Share Posted March 9, 2015 I can't do it. I don't know why but I can't. I can do things if I HAVE to (like take the dog out) but otherwise, no I won't, can't move. I am not interested in creating any sort of like. I don't want to do anything. That is what I have give up on. It does not matter if I do something or not, things happen and I cannot control them. I cannot control anything so I have given up on everything. that is what it feels like. I don't want to try anymore. I am just very tired so I say I am discouraged and depressed because I have no other words for it. And there is no cure for depression unless I make myself do something. So I guess I stay stuck. In case it is not very clear, I have no clue what is wrong with me or what to do about it. I am mostly content to sit in the chair and stare at the computer and cry occasionally when the feelings are really bad. That's it. What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878 July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site. Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey. Link to comment
Pugknows Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 I know. Where you are now is the toughest place you'll ever be. Not having the vision or the motivation to move in any direction at all. So do nothing right now. Just wait, if that's all you can do. Wallow in the despair for awhile. Eventually, you'll get tired of doing nothing. It's a phase. It will pass. Let the depression wash over you. You won't drown in it. When you are ready, you will start moving. You are scared that this is what your life will be from now on, just like you felt while in the throes of withdrawal. Let time pass. If you can't start carving out a path for yourself, God has a way of getting you started. Just be open to seeing the light when it peeks through. It will be subtle at first. Grab hold of it. Your path will get bigger and clearer every day. January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
Member cymbaltawithdrawal5600 Posted March 10, 2015 Author Member Share Posted March 10, 2015 Pug, do you think you could fill out a signature? I don't understand where you are coming from when you tell me these things but I don't have the energy to read through anyone's threads right now. It is important to me for some reason. What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878 July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site. Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey. Link to comment
Ginger Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 CW, I'm so sorry you're going through this. Reading your last few posts I feel like I can say "been there, done that". Maybe not 100% but the bleak hopelessness of it all, then a mix of other emotions like toppings on an ice cream sundae. All I could do at those times was move my body parts, not even well but do what I thought I "should" do. Get dressed, smile and nod, brush my teeth, some time to go fetal (curl up) and wonder if I will ever be upright again. Little steps, not big ones. 40 mg Paxil for 2.5 years Quit cold turkey March 2006 WIthdrawal painful but gradually felt better after a year or so. Now, ten years out, life has its problems because life is life But I am so happy and grateful for my life. Link to comment
alex Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 Oh dear CW, I am so sorry we are going through this awful situation... You are NOT alone.I know your pain because I am there also. It is OK not trying sometimes...I know the feeling; we are not giving up, just taking a brake and try to be as gentle as possible to yourself. I am with you...SURVIVAL MODE,CW. Hugs... 4 years aprox. on 150mgs.Effexor for situational major depression.No AD before.Tapered 150-0mgs in 3 months. Tapered Quetiapine,Xanax in the last 18 months.NO med of any kind anymore.First 3 months off acute w/dProtracted w/d ever since.Symptoms:Anxiety,anhedonia,insomnia,tinnitus,PSSD 04/13/2014 Awful Relapse.Recovered fairly fast. 3 years and 4 months off. waves and windows.Very much recovered. November 2015,health issue.Setback. Link to comment
westcoast Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I second what Pug and others have said. If you can possibly go through this without believing you CAN - SHOULD - MUST "fix" it, and SOON, you will probably feel better. It is so hard to go from a competent active person to a disabled one, especially when the disability is invisible from the outside. But if you can accept your shortcomings for the time being, it will be a smoother ride. 2009: Cancer hospital said I had adjustment disorder because I thought they were doing it wrong. Their headshrinker prescribed Effexor, and my life set on a new course. I didn't know what was ahead, like a passenger on Disneyland's Matterhorn, smiling and waving as it climbs...clink, clink, clink. 2010: Post surgical accidental Effexor discontinuation by nurses, masked by intravenous Dilaudid. (The car is balanced at the top of the track.) I get home, pop a Vicodin, and ... Whooosh...down, down, down, down, down...goes the trajectory of my life, up goes my mood and tendency to think everything is a good idea.2012: After the bipolar jig was up, now a walking bag of unrelated symptoms, I went crazy on Daytrana (the Ritalin skin patch by Noven), because ADHD was a perfect fit for a bag of unrelated symptoms. I was prescribed Effexor for the nervousness of it, and things got neurological. An EEG showed enough activity to warrant an epilepsy diagnosis rather than non-epileptic ("psychogenic") seizures. 2013-2014: Quit everything and got worse. I probably went through DAWS: dopamine agonist withdrawal syndrome. I drank to not feel, but I felt a lot: dread, fear, regret, grief: an utter sense of total loss of everything worth breathing about, for almost two years. I was not suicidal but I wanted to be dead, at least dead to the experience of my own brain and body. 2015: I began to recover after adding virgin coconut oil and organic grass-fed fed butter to a cup of instant coffee in the morning. I did it hoping for mental acuity and better memory. After ten days of that, I was much better, mood-wise. Approximately neutral. And, I experienced drowsiness. I could sleep. Not exactly happy, I did 30 days on Wellbutrin, because it had done me no harm in the past. I don't have the DAWS mood or state of mind. It never feel like doing anything if it means standing up. In fact, I don't especially like moving. I'm a brain with a beanbag body. Link to comment
OffEFFexor Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I don't want to try anymore. I am just very tired so I say I am discouraged and depressed because I have no other words for it. And there is no cure for depression unless I make myself do something. So I guess I stay stuck. In case it is not very clear, I have no clue what is wrong with me or what to do about it. I am mostly content to sit in the chair and stare at the computer and cry occasionally when the feelings are really bad. That's it. That describes how I have been feeling most of the last few days. As well as frequently during this six months of WD. I wish you were not suffering so. These feelings pass for me, at least so far. I hope they pass for you too, very soon. 1983-1995: On and off several tricyclic ADs1995: Quit alcohol, started Prozac2003: Stopped Prozac; 2004: Started Effexor XR 2252014: Tried and failed three rapid tapers; stopped cold turkey March 11, 2014, eight days of Prozac as a bridge.March 19, 2014: SSRI/SSNI free; four weeks acute withdrawal, then five month window of minimal symptoms.Sept 2014-June 2015: Delayed, prolonged severe withdrawal from Effexor. Roller coaster, way up and way down. Symptoms swing widely. Clear improvement in Mar-Apr, but still much hell. In May symptoms shifted to insomnia and depression, less HA, tinnitus and brain fog. July-Sept 2015: After two weeks of using CES device, tremendous relief of insomnia, depression and other symptoms. Feeling much better, finally! Symptoms still come and go, good and bad days.Sneaking up on return to good health. Alto gave me a 'Here Comes the Sun'!!! ☼ Oct 2015-Feb 2016: Difficult several months, some good days but the bad days felt like I'm moving backwards. Struggling after steady improvement, but hanging tough. Current supplements: Mg-Threonate; glutathione; krill oil; borage oil; phosphatidyl choline; multivite, vit B12, vit C, vit D vit E; OTC meds pseudoephedrine in the AM and benadryl at bedtime. Clonidine 0.2 bid for high blood pressure. Filled with hope, courage and self-appreciation. Link to comment
Wildflower0214 Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I'm sorry you feel like such crap. I pray it passes. 2005-Zoloft bad reaction.....2006-Lexepro......2012-Upped Lexepro.......2013-Upped Lexepro......2/2014- Attempted Taper Lexepro...2/2014- Updosed Lexepro.......3/2014-Ativan.....5/2014- CT switch from Lexpro to Effexor..... 5/2014-7/2014-Tapered Ativan from 1mg to .25mg.....6/2014-Bad reaction to Effexor........7/2014- Rapid taper Effexor every other day......7/5/2014- Off Effexor.......7/2014-12/2014 - Ativan .25mg.......12/25/2014 -Taper Ativan by 4% due to paradoxical reaction .24mg...11/18/2015-Taper Ativan 1% CURRENTLY ON: .2376mg Ativan taken in 6 .0396mg doses. Link to comment
btdt Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I have one thing to say and I am not sure it is important but I will try it anyway... I think this is still just wd. I see others saying you were done and for me this being stuck was just another aspect of wd. There are waves they come they go you will get a window again... for me this is how it has been. Sorry your stuck CW hope it passes soon... peace WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
Wildflower0214 Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I agree. I really think WD is at play here. It may not account for everything you are feeling, but it def looks like it plays a part from the outside looking in. I hope this provides some comfort, knowing this. It will not be forever. 2005-Zoloft bad reaction.....2006-Lexepro......2012-Upped Lexepro.......2013-Upped Lexepro......2/2014- Attempted Taper Lexepro...2/2014- Updosed Lexepro.......3/2014-Ativan.....5/2014- CT switch from Lexpro to Effexor..... 5/2014-7/2014-Tapered Ativan from 1mg to .25mg.....6/2014-Bad reaction to Effexor........7/2014- Rapid taper Effexor every other day......7/5/2014- Off Effexor.......7/2014-12/2014 - Ativan .25mg.......12/25/2014 -Taper Ativan by 4% due to paradoxical reaction .24mg...11/18/2015-Taper Ativan 1% CURRENTLY ON: .2376mg Ativan taken in 6 .0396mg doses. Link to comment
westcoast Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 Cymbalta, this just plain sucks. I know what it is like to not be able to move. It is maddening. But it is not a moral issue, it is a physical one, and not a choice you are making. Please do not be too hard on yourself. Just get through each day with as much healthy behavior as you can. Bathe, dress. These are the level of goals we can set when in your condition. And if that's too much, make it simple and make sure to brush your teeth. Then spend the rest of the day being happy about that. Try to dream about a future in which you are well. Even if it seems impossible to have that future. 2009: Cancer hospital said I had adjustment disorder because I thought they were doing it wrong. Their headshrinker prescribed Effexor, and my life set on a new course. I didn't know what was ahead, like a passenger on Disneyland's Matterhorn, smiling and waving as it climbs...clink, clink, clink. 2010: Post surgical accidental Effexor discontinuation by nurses, masked by intravenous Dilaudid. (The car is balanced at the top of the track.) I get home, pop a Vicodin, and ... Whooosh...down, down, down, down, down...goes the trajectory of my life, up goes my mood and tendency to think everything is a good idea.2012: After the bipolar jig was up, now a walking bag of unrelated symptoms, I went crazy on Daytrana (the Ritalin skin patch by Noven), because ADHD was a perfect fit for a bag of unrelated symptoms. I was prescribed Effexor for the nervousness of it, and things got neurological. An EEG showed enough activity to warrant an epilepsy diagnosis rather than non-epileptic ("psychogenic") seizures. 2013-2014: Quit everything and got worse. I probably went through DAWS: dopamine agonist withdrawal syndrome. I drank to not feel, but I felt a lot: dread, fear, regret, grief: an utter sense of total loss of everything worth breathing about, for almost two years. I was not suicidal but I wanted to be dead, at least dead to the experience of my own brain and body. 2015: I began to recover after adding virgin coconut oil and organic grass-fed fed butter to a cup of instant coffee in the morning. I did it hoping for mental acuity and better memory. After ten days of that, I was much better, mood-wise. Approximately neutral. And, I experienced drowsiness. I could sleep. Not exactly happy, I did 30 days on Wellbutrin, because it had done me no harm in the past. I don't have the DAWS mood or state of mind. It never feel like doing anything if it means standing up. In fact, I don't especially like moving. I'm a brain with a beanbag body. Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 Hi CW, I'm so sorry your going through such a rough time right now, I pray it lifts for you soon. I wanted to wish you a Happy belated birthday. I've been reading over your thread the past few days, I have been afraid to post anything, just not knowing what to say. But from what I've read you've come so far and you don't seem to have that I give up attitude, please correct me if I'm wrong. You seem like one tough cookie to me, I wish I had half of your fight, so keep on those boxing gloves and keep swinging. Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
btdt Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 If your sitting in front of your computer today... I hope for a word to know your with us... not that you should be caring for us that is stupid ... would be nice to hear from you. peace WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Petunia Posted March 12, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted March 12, 2015 And underneath it all I have discovered a person I do not like.... This reminds me of what Eckhart Tolle wrote in his book - the power of now, except he took it one step further. He said he came to the conclusion that he couldn't live with himself, and then realized that there must be two of him so he set out to find out which one was real. Maybe you could do the same. Who is the person you do not like, and who is the person doing the disliking? Which one is the real you? I am mostly content to sit in the chair and stare at the computer and cry occasionally when the feelings are really bad. That's it. Maybe its just me, and I'm missing some big point, but..... what's wrong with this? You also wrote that when you need to do things, you do them, so its not like you're neglecting the important stuff. I'm not a doctor. My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one. My Introduction Thread Full Drug and Withdrawal History Brief Summary Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects 2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010 Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal) May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins. Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens. Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days. April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close. VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from? VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made? VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes? VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects? VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes Link to comment
Member cymbaltawithdrawal5600 Posted March 18, 2015 Author Member Share Posted March 18, 2015 All day long my thoughts are screaming at me how worthless I am, I cannot get any relief from them at all. I thought last year was bad, this is agony. I am angry at everything: my mom, the dog I have been given to watch (and I am going to be stuck with), the way I have wasted my life, my inability to move and do anything, the stuck place I am in. This is unrelenting all day long. There are only 2 things that cause a short lived tiny spark in my mood (lasting about 3 seconds) and that is when I think of drinking the first sip of coffee in the morning (with its sweetened creamer) and the first few sips of the one coke I allow myself during the day. Nothing else works. Just those 2 times, brief as they are. The rest of the time I spend searching the internet for something to help and all I find are more and more descriptions of the problem or else instructions such as meditation will help this. Meditation doesn't work right now. Tears don't even help. What in the world is the matter with me? I am so afraid this anger is going to explode me, I have been having angry outbursts towards my mom again too. I want to die too but cannot do anything about it. I keep trying to think of something to do, some relief. I have an appointment with a therapist Friday. I am already assuming she won't know about wd syndrome and won't be able to help. I am convinced no one can help me and I am convinced I cannot help myself. Funny thing is, I can still go to the grocery store, drive and other things but cannot pull myself out of these dark moods. There is no relying on any 'divine intervention' either. I am just completely miserable except for the few hours I manage to sleep at night. I can actually feel myself getting worse with each negative thought. I am now waking up in the morning with a sick feeling in my upper chest too. I have no clue how to stop this negative spiral and feel better inside. That is what I want, to feel better. I hate having nothing positive to say at this point. What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878 July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site. Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus bubble Posted March 18, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted March 18, 2015 All day long my thoughts are screaming at me how worthless I am, I cannot get any relief from them at all. I have an appointment with a therapist Friday. I am already assuming she won't know about wd syndrome and won't be able to help. I am convinced no one can help me and I am convinced I cannot help myself. Thank you for posting. I was thinking baout how youa re doing. This is just a little scream back at your thoughts: CW is far from worthless. She is a very valuable and accomplished human being. The other things is: my therapist is a pychologist and she doesn't know a thing about withdrawal but this is not important at all. She is open and supportive, she believes me and that's all I need. Plus negative thoughts are negative thoughts regardless of the cause. So if somebody has some ideas on how to deal with them, I would be willing to hear them out and let them try and do something for me. Current: 9/2022 Xanax 0.08, Lexapro 2 2020 Xanax 0.26 (down from 2 mg in 2013), Lexapro 2.85 mg (down from 5 mg 2013) Amitriptyline (tricyclic AD) and clonazepam for 3 months to treat headache in 1996 1999. - present Xanax prn up to 3 mg. 2000-2005 Prozac CT twice, 2005-2010 Zoloft CT 3 times, 2010-2013 Escitalopram 10 mg went from 2.5 to zero on 7 Aug 2013, bad crash 40 days afterreinstated to 5 mg Escitalopram 4Oct 2013 and holding liquid Xanax every 5 hours 28 Jan 2014 Xanax 1.9, 18 Apr 2015 1 mg, 25 June 2015 Lex 4.8, 6 Aug Lexapro 4.6, 1 Jan 2016 0.64 Xanax 9 month hold 24 Sept 2016 4.5 Lex, 17 Oct 4.4 Lex (Nov 0.63 Xanax, Dec 0.625 Xanax), 1 Jan 2017 4.3 Lex, 24 Jan 4.2, 5 Feb 4.1, 24 Mar 4 mg, 10 Apr 3.9 mg, May 3.85, June 3.8, July 3.75, 22 July 3.7, 15 Aug 3.65, 17 Sept 3.6, 1 Jan 2018 3.55, 19 Jan 3.5, 16 Mar 3.4, 14 Apr 3.3, 23 May 3.2, 16 June 3.15, 15 Jul 3.1, 31 Jul 3, 21 Aug 2.9 26 Sept 2.85, 14 Nov Xan 0.61, 1 Dec 0.59, 19 Dec 0.58, 4 Jan 0.565, 6 Feb 0.55, 20 Feb 0.535, 1 Mar 0.505, 10 Mar 0.475, 14 Mar 0.45, 4 Apr 0.415, 13 Apr 0.37, 21 Apr 0.33, 29 Apr 0.29, 10 May 0.27, 17 May 0.25, 28 May 0.22, 19 June 0.22, 21 Jun updose to 0.24, 24 Jun updose to 0.26 Supplements: Omega 3 + Vit E, Vit C, D, magnesium, Taurine, probiotic I'm not a medical professional. Any advice I give is based on my own experience and reading. Link to comment
luv2knit Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 So sorry things are so bad for you right now, CW. I do feel like it is withdrawal, though, and will end eventually. Hoping you will get some relief from these feelings soon. Zoloft 100 mg. daily for Chronic Fatigue Syndrome since Oct. 1994 / Synthroid 88 mcg. daily / Supplements: Neptune Krill Oil-1,000 mg. twice daily/Astaxanthin 10 mg. twice daily/Ubiquinol 100 mg. twice daily (These 3 have allowed me to discontinue (approved by doctor) bp meds I was on. Calcium Citrate 500 mg. daily/Vitamin D3 2,400 iu daily/K2 (MK7) 100 mcg daily (osteopenia and fam. hist. of severe osteoporosis). Stress B Complex (1/2 dose)/Quercetin (for allergies/asthma)/Magnesium (400 mg. oral glycinate and about 50 mg. magnesium chloride spray oil a day, divided throughout day). Tapered Zoloft about 6 wks. Totally off since the end of July (25-29, 2014). 3 wks. vertigo at end of taper, then 3-4 wks. OK, followed by withdrawal symptoms increasing in severity (nausea, gastric disturbances, loss of appetite, insomnia, restlessness, jitters, anxiety, agitation--jumping out of my skin--possible akathisia?) Seem to have paradoxical reactions to everything new, even Vitamin C. Severity of akathisia comes and goes, but is constant to some degree. Hard to leave house, and cannot be home alone. (Retired) Link to comment
Member cymbaltawithdrawal5600 Posted March 18, 2015 Author Member Share Posted March 18, 2015 Thank you Bubble but I do feel so awful and worthless. I try to fight the negative thoughts but they are relentless, they just keep coming. I have tried focusing on something good for the future but that is only temporary, the past is a wasteland and the present is awfulness. Even when I look at the things that are good about it: I have food, a roof over my head, mom is still alive, there's money to pay the bills, etc. But the thoughts keep coming. I do hope the therapist can help. And thank you too, Luv. I feel so ashamed for being this far along in being off the drugs and don't have anything good to report. I know things could be so much worse but then why do I feel so ill? There is just no reason for being this sick. None. Thank you both for writing. I really appreciate it. What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878 July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site. Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey. Link to comment
Wildflower0214 Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 Hey CW, I am sorry you feel this way. I am familiar with this feeling. I think I may have had something similar for nearly a year. It's very difficult to endure. I hope you find some relief. I'm so sorry you are so sad. 2005-Zoloft bad reaction.....2006-Lexepro......2012-Upped Lexepro.......2013-Upped Lexepro......2/2014- Attempted Taper Lexepro...2/2014- Updosed Lexepro.......3/2014-Ativan.....5/2014- CT switch from Lexpro to Effexor..... 5/2014-7/2014-Tapered Ativan from 1mg to .25mg.....6/2014-Bad reaction to Effexor........7/2014- Rapid taper Effexor every other day......7/5/2014- Off Effexor.......7/2014-12/2014 - Ativan .25mg.......12/25/2014 -Taper Ativan by 4% due to paradoxical reaction .24mg...11/18/2015-Taper Ativan 1% CURRENTLY ON: .2376mg Ativan taken in 6 .0396mg doses. Link to comment
Pugknows Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 ((((CW)))) I'm sorry you're still so sick and sad. You are very candid to keep putting yourself and your feelings out there for the rest of us to absorb and learn from your experience. I am so impressed at your generosity and endurance and sense of community. In your pain, you still reach out to others. I want to thank you personally. January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
btdt Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 That book the power of now.. helped me with the negative thoughts. he had a suggestion in there on how to stop your brain when it was doing the free fall... and he said it was two parts of his brain not two selves... but he could hear one taunting him... all the time and he could not shut it up He woke one day and said what is this... two different parts of my brain... what is going on. Yes he could not stand anymore ... I should really get that book out and refresh my memory but I highly recommend it. I wish you peace WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
btdt Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 How he said to stop the brain I have put this on here so many times: Think nothing... clear you head ... if any thought burst in ... start over. sounds too simple doesn't it. but that is it... I think. Nope there is more your actually attentively watching for the next thought... that is the trick... watch for it.. that keeps your brain engaged and busy... it shuts down that other part of the brain that acts up and is out of control.... WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
Member cymbaltawithdrawal5600 Posted March 18, 2015 Author Member Share Posted March 18, 2015 Ah Wildflower, how did you ever manage to hold on for a whole year? It has only been this way since January and I am desperate feo relief. Thank you Pug, you have your own awful problems yet here you are trying to help me. You have no idea how much I appreciate it. Btdt, I have read that book. That person was lucky enough to have a spiritual awakening and his suffering has ended. Mine continues, I am not as advanced as he and never will be. I got a lot from the book when I read it, it is no help to me now. That is a dream I had to let go, that I would ever be able to stop suffering. But thanks for reminding me of it. I guess it is true that God helps those who help themselves, not the ones who sit around waiting for it and crying. Too much crying, brings no relief. The only thing I have is sleep, that has to be enough for now. What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878 July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site. Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus dalsaan Posted March 18, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted March 18, 2015 All day long my thoughts are screaming at me how worthless I am, I cannot get any relief from them at all. I have an appointment with a therapist Friday. I am already assuming she won't know about wd syndrome and won't be able to help. I am convinced no one can help me and I am convinced I cannot help myself. Thank you for posting. I was thinking baout how youa re doing. This is just a little scream back at your thoughts: CW is far from worthless. She is a very valuable and accomplished human being. The other things is: my therapist is a pychologist and she doesn't know a thing about withdrawal but this is not important at all. She is open and supportive, she believes me and that's all I need. Plus negative thoughts are negative thoughts regardless of the cause. So if somebody has some ideas on how to deal with them, I would be willing to hear them out and let them try and do something for me. I agree wholeheartedly with Bubble on both counts - 1) you are a very capable person of significant substance and worth and 2) your therapist doesn't need to understand withdrawal, they just need to provide you with a safe space to discuss what's happening for you, engage with it respectfully and offer all the support they can. I see a sexual assault counsellor, she doesn't understand withdrawal but she works with me and my understanding. Please note - I am not a medical practitioner and I do not give medical advice. I offer an opinion based on my own experiences, reading and discussion with others.On Effexor for 2 months at the start of 2005. Had extreme insomnia as an adverse reaction. Changed to mirtazapine. Have been trying to get off since mid 2008 with numerous failures including CTs and slow (but not slow enough tapers)Have slow tapered at 10 per cent or less for years. I have liquid mirtazapine made at a compounding chemist. Was on 1.6 ml as at 19 March 2014. Dropped to 1.5 ml 7 June 2014. Dropped to 1.4 in about September. Dropped to 1.3 on 20 December 2014. Dropped to 1.2 in mid Jan 2015. Dropped to 1 ml in late Feb 2015. I think my old medication had run out of puff so I tried 1ml when I got the new stuff and it seems to be going ok. Sleep has been good over the last week (as of 13/3/15). Dropped to 1/2 ml 14/11/15 Fatigue still there as are memory and cognition problems. Sleep is patchy but liveable compared to what it has been in the past. DRUG FREE - as at 1st May 2017 >My intro post is here - http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2250-dalsaan Link to comment
Member cymbaltawithdrawal5600 Posted March 19, 2015 Author Member Share Posted March 19, 2015 Thanks, D. I have to get some relief form this soon, I feel like I am going to lose it if I do not. Waking up with the chest heaviness is very scary and the racing, doomy thoughts just don't quit. I am so isolated right now. I hope she can help. Last years troubles were mild compared to this mental torture and I really thought I was made of stronger stuff than this. Will see how it goes on Friday, I have a lot of hope riding on this. What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878 July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site. Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey. Link to comment
Pugknows Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 ((((Hugs to you, CW)))) The mental torture tests the strongest of the strong. You are going to smash the last of this lingering WD onto the pavement. January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
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