☼ Cymbaltawithdrawal5600: Introduction

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

Now I remember how I came to get interested in tDCS (here's my post in our thread on the device I am going to use). I like to read the New Yorker and you only get so many free stories a month. Beginning of the month I check it out and this month was an article on it. I read a lot of the info (by no means all of it) and decided what the H. It is becoming popular as a diy brain hack (see the subreddit at the link). I imagine it will become more popular as time goes by as the units are cheaper than the CES devices and since they aren't sold to treat anything, they don't require a script. More info at the above link and the thread we have on the devices. Read the thread if you want to know what the heck I am talking about. There was also a recent story on PBS too.

 

Like I said, I am desperate.

 

I'm too tired right now but I hope I remember to add some interesting stuff to my thread tomorrow. Things are already changing and I don't know what to attribute it to. It is either time for healing to show itself or else getting out around people at the meetings has had a beneficial effect.

 

I haven't figured out if I will clog my thread with the tDCS experiment or else fire up a blog and do it there. Depends on how motivated I am, I guess. And the amount of interest from the people here. I know of 2 here that are thinking of trying CES. We could do a communal blog. I hope I am sciency enough to give it an honest try and do a good write up, no matter what kind of results I get.

 

Here's the subreddit FAQ I forgot to link to, gives a good overview. This thread gave good info. This one too.

 

(Good thing I learned how to get my autosaved content back from the dead, I lost this post 3 times while writing it!)

[btdt]

(Good thing I learned how to get my autosaved content back from the dead, I lost this post 3 times while writing it!)

how?

 

And why not just start a thread here in self care rather than a blog?

 

Going to read the links above 

 

It was all likely just a wave... and now your windows starting it is how it goes.

peace

[ikam]

Flowers and btdt, thank you both for sharing on my thread. I have often thought of what it would be like if we could see each other in person - I would certainly be game to traveling when I am better and had the money to do it. But for now it is a faraway dream and withdrawal is very much in the way.

 

My friend actually lives close to me and I see her quite often. She tells me her blood work came out fine, no cancer markers and she is scheduled for a PET scan in a few weeks. She is optimistic, I avoid thinking about it at all. There is something about this stage that I am going through, I cannot think very far into the future without getting extremely anxious.

 

I worked for a 6 hour day delivering food last week at the same place where she works and I did very well but was a bit slow as the addresses are hard to find and I am out of practice, good thing for GPS. I have no idea if I will get the job there, I only want to do it for a couple of days a week as I don't want to leave my mother alone for too many hours, even though she does not require physical care from me. I hate the relationship I have with her, I keep shouting and getting very angry with her just about every time she opens her mouth and then I am very remorseful and hate myself afterwards. I can't even think ahead to getting the job so I just don't think about it at all. I'll either get called again next week or not.

 

I met a lady at a meeting who owns a flower shop. I think I would really like to work in a place like that, I keep thinking about it. I tried to talk to her about it but I don't think I came off very well and I haven't seen her since Tuesday. But next time I do see her I will try asking again if she needs help but I have no experience. Again, I can't think into the future about it, I just unleash tons of negative thoughts and feel awful afterwards.

 

I finally went to the gym yesterday and walked on the treadmill for 30 min. Felt kinda crappy the whole time but I did it. In a short time I won't be able to fit into my clothes anymore it is getting that bad. I don't like exercising, never did and I have no hopes I will be able to lose this weight. I am discouraged before I even start, that is how bad this depression is.

 

Meimei, I had to laugh when you said above you had a selfish reason for encouraging me to share on my thread. I remember when I was really sick and I could not leave the house at all, I used to get upset when there weren't any posts from you to read because I needed them. You were one of the few people I could read that did not cause upsets. there were lots of threads I had to avoid because they were too alarming.

 

This thing with my mother is completely awful. I can't forget what she has said to me and I cannot forgive her and I cannot stop getting so angry. I don't have good feelings for her at all and I used to. Never felt like I hated her but she thinks I do, she even says it. I hate living like this, hate myself and I hate this ugly trailer. I am stuck here and it feels simply awful being stuck. I used to like FL and now I hate it. But I have to admit I have not been thinking about suicide as much as a short while ago. So maybe getting out has done a tiny bit of good.

 

I wrote in Symptoms that I have ordered a tDCS unit. Don't remember how I happened to get the idea but I am desperate. It should come in about a week. I am nervous about using it. But if it does one thing, to dampen the circulating constant negative self talk in my head it will be worth it. If it helps break the spiral of depression that will be a bonus. If nothing happens, then I will have donated money for someone to put gas in their car. And I'll just have to wait for this to get better. I would be so grateful not to feel so much hate and negativity and anger all of the time. It is so draining. And each negative thought actually causes me to hurt, I can feel it. Tired of hurting and getting no enjoyment out of anything. Tired of not being able to form words and talk to strangers. Tired of living.

I like your dreams, e.g. "working with flowers". It seems that despite of being "tired of living" (i know the feeling) you do contect to the world...

Next time when you think "i cannot...", just pretend that you can...and if you cannot smile, try a half smile...

I cannot help you, as I cannot help myself...but I do listen...

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

Sheesh, I thought I answered the autosaved thing this morn but I don't know where the post is, the only content avail is from last night (the site keeps the content for about 24 hours). So this post explains it:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/246-how-to-use-this-site-questions-and-answers/page-4#entry125276

 

I really don't subscribe to the windows and waves analogy except to explain the changeability of symptoms. I feel it gets people stuck in trying to create windows instead of just learning how to go with the flow. And praying for waves to end instead of finding techniques to cope with them. But then that's me.

 

I went to the gym again, 2 days in a row. I still don't like it but I have not been thinking much about suicide lately so something is changing. Afterward went to a meeting in a neat place, it is like a community restaurant, I don't quite know how to explain it. So here's the link (and it is not where I live so I am not compromising my anonymity). The tables are the same but they have different, weirder chairs.

 

Anyway, lady across from me intro'd herself. Silence for a bit then all of a sudden I heard myself say "I am not very good at starting a conversation but I can talk if you want to ask me some questions. (sheesh, no wonder I am a loner!). So she started to tell me about herself and then my turn, I got to the part about being a 30 year vet and then about ADs and had to stop because meeting started. Afterwards she asked me to tell rest of story and then I asked her how long without etoh and she said about a week, a newbie! Yikes. So I gave her my phone number. She could use some support.

 

Remember I said I wanted to look for new people and make them feel welcome and talk to them like people did not talk to me? Sure, many people have introduced themselves but no one has tried to talk. That's backwards. The lady next to me had said hi, said her name and said she saw me at that karaoke thing I went to last week. I wanted to scream at her "Why did you not come over and talk to me" but I held my tongue. There will come a time....

 

Have not been thinking so much about suicide lately. Maybe not quite as depressed either. This will be hard to have a baseline for my tDCS experiment but I think that researching it and deciding to get a unit actually caused a change in mood too. so everything is relative. Also doing those mandala coloring things too.

 

Thanks Ikam, just people commenting that they have read my thread is lots of support. No one has to have all the answers, just feeling less alone in this struggle means a lot.

[LoveandLight]

What is etoh out of interest? Sounds like your doing amazing!

[LoveandLight]

And I love the cafe!

[ikam]

And I love the cafe!

What is etoh out of interest? Sounds like your doing amazing!

Ethyl alcohol= etoh

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

LL,

 

If it has been less than an hour between posts, you can edit the post to add something to it instead of making a completely new one. If you are still signed in, hover your cursor next to the 'report' button and the 'edit' button will light up so you can click it. And first hit on google search defines words usually and most often nets you the wiki page. Highlight word, left click on highlight and then right click on 'search google for "  " '.

 

Now I remember what I was too tired to write last night: you made this comment:

 

 

but wow..doing all that you did even when feeling rubbish..so brilliant!

 

It made me stop and think about what I had been doing. I tend not to to think of what I do and therefore I dismiss it. So I mentally ran back over what I have done in the last week:

 

delivered food during daytime rush traffic for 6 hours and did not get lost or ruin an order

went to about 15-20 AA meetings at least 20 mi from my house and sat them through

read most of a book, checked out and started a second one

learned the mandala website to color on my comp

went to the gym twice and walked 30 min on the treadmill

thought about getting a job doing flowers with no experience

researched and ordered a device to apply current to my head to try to short circuit this awful depression,

     read most of the supporting scientific studies (but not all, I'm a little attention challenged)

 

And just the routine ADL's we all do mostly, like showers and taking out the trash. I did all of these without crying too much or otherwise hurting myself or someone else.

 

So there are people on this site that I forget are not even able to leave the house or walk a straight line.

 

Just proves my original theory that recovery is relative. When I could not sleep, I thought I would finally be grateful enough if I could ever sleep through the night. Well, sleep is not enough, now I want to not be depressed. And then after that, I'll want a job. And after that ???????

 

Never enough. Does anyone here have enough?

 

 

And I love the cafe!

 

 

I'll have to get a pic of the weirdest chairs I have ever seen if I go back to the place.

[Flowers]

Hi CW. It's been great reading your recent posts and seeing that you are doing so much to try and help yourself. Absolutely fantastic!

 

The situation with your mother must be hard to bear.   At least if you have something else to do and think about  it may take your mind off things a little . I truly hope so.

 

I think we are finding similar things are helping us. I agree absolutely with what you say re waves and windows. I hit a bad spell recently for the first time since updosing. I got myself out of it by gardening and getting out of the house. I am feeling better but not great - yet.  Now I will be better armed to deal with it next time.

 

It helps my mood a lot if I do some exercise.  I hate the gym so do some gardening for people. I need to lose weight too. Even if I feel exhausted I make myself go out everyday and get on with it. Today I have been clearing a large area of someone's garden covered in weeds and grass. I needed to use a small pick axe it was so tough and I ache tonight. But it certainly lifted my mood! Still got loads more to do there so have to keep going. I love gardening hence my name Flowers and would love to work in a flower shop.  I hope you get to see this person again.

 

I go out too and meet people for coffee or whatever. The chairs are fairly normal though! I am pleased that you are connecting with some new people . Can't wait to see these chairs!!

 

I am going to read about the tDCS now so will catch you later.

 

You are doing so well. Hugs.

 

xxx

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

Thank you for posting on my thread, Flowers! I really like your description of what you are doing with the gardening. That form of exercise is more beneficial all the way around than what I am doing right now since you are outside and grounding yourself with the earth. I try not to think about gym exercise as not being the best thing to do because I have paid for my time until Nov. and I have already wasted 3 months of the 12. Perhaps if I keep at it I will be able to get back to riding my bike.

 

I think it is amazing you can use a pick axe, I was not able to do anything requiring that much strength and coordination when I was feeling so bad, I doubt I could even do it now. For some reason, being outside is giving me the creeps and I hope that passes. Being outside is so much better than the gym.

 

Yesterday was Easter lunch at someone's house and mom and I went. I was so upset seeing my mom next to all those people, she looks terrible and I don't like thinking of how much she has declined. She is going to die soon I think, I don't want to think about that at all. She is still able to get around but I don't think we will be going to see those people again, she even said so and started to cry. I feel bad for her (and myself, selfishly so.)

 

I don't want to be who I am and where I am and there's nothing to save me from this. But thinking that thought is not bringing me down as far as it usually does.

 

I am glad you said you were able to get out and be with people because I think it is important. I never wanted to be with others because I have never liked myself enough to be comfortable with them. But being around them is helping I think, even if I don't talk to them. I don't quite understand it.

 

Thank you again Flowers and I hope you'll keep writing to me here. I am always very grateful whenever anyone comments, I feel less strange and alone.

[LoveandLight]

'Not bringing you as far down as it usually does'. I really think this is progress xx

[Addax]

CW, your post sounds like you are feeling improvement in... Well... How you feel :-). I'm so glad. I'm also glad for the good news about your friend. I don't think we realize how much such things effect us, especially within the experience of withdrawal. I'm pretty positive that the loss of my friend at the end of last summer helped facilitate that horrid downward spiral I experienced last fall. It didn't cause it, but I'm pretty sure it made it worse.

 

I hope you don't mind if I comment on things with your mother... I know I've said it before, but I'm not at all surprised at your anger toward her. How she acted as you were growing up is one thing, but to have to live with her and face it daily... That just must be so difficult, CW. I couldn't imagine living with my mother, and we have a good history and relationship! Is there elder day-care or respit services in your area? Anyway for you to have your home to yourself for a few hours? How would you feel about a care giver support group? I think you'd find a lot of validation in such a group. Anger and guilt over said anger is probably a VERY common theme.

 

Anyway, despite your mother, it sounds like you're on the up-n-up... What are your Mandala colors for today? :-P

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

Addax,

 

Sorry I did not realize you had lost a friend last year, that's rough. I lost 2 sorority sisters one right after the other a long time ago, I think I was still on meds and it was awful. So sudden for the one.

 

I don't need respite care for my mother, she can take care of herself so I am able to leave the house when ever I want. It is this constant sitting at home with no reason to leave the house that is wearing on me. I feel so useless because I have no place to go. I have lost all but one of my grooming clients and people just don't need computer services like they used to.

 

Someone else got the Chinese delivery job. Yesterday I went to the flower shop and talked to the owner. She showed me how to assemble a vase of flowers and then gave it to me to take home. She is struggling to keep the shop afloat and may only call me if she gets busy around the flower holidays.

 

I bought some coloring books and pencils and have been doing them half halfheartedly, they are not all that interesting to me. I am mainly just sitting around wasting time until it is time to die, I guess. Today is a day for feeling sorry for myself and crying.

 

Time is moving so slowly and I wish I could sleep the days away but still waking too early. I hate this life.

[btdt]

Is there a shelter for dogs or cats around where you could volunteer... I am sure a nicely bathed or groom dog would have an easier time getting adopted.. if your not up to that maybe just taking one for a walk would interest you.  Just an idea. 

peace

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

Btdt,

 

I don't want to work with animals anymore, that is the problem. So doing what you suggest is something I would have to drag myself to do and I don't want to. I don't know what I want but I don't want to sit around all day and opportunities for jobs aren't exactly plentiful right now.

 

Apathy, anhedonia, depression. Still sick and hating it. Such nice opportunities came up but they didn't come true. What a giant let down. Poor me, huh?

 

Right now it seems like more of a 'life' problem as in "What am I going to do with my life now"? as opposed to getting well from this problem. I have to to something, I can't just sit here. But I am limited by a lot of my past mistakes on what I feel I can do. And limited by my crappy emotions too.

 

I can't seem to move any faster than what I am and I don't know if it is because of drug damage that hasn't gotten better or something else?

[Flowers]

Btdt,

 

I don't want to work with animals anymore, that is the problem. So doing what you suggest is something I would have to drag myself to do and I don't want to. I don't know what I want but I don't want to sit around all day and opportunities for jobs aren't exactly plentiful right now.

 

Apathy, anhedonia, depression. Still sick and hating it. Such nice opportunities came up but they didn't come true. What a giant let down. Poor me, huh?

 

Right now it seems like more of a 'life' problem as in "What am I going to do with my life now"? as opposed to getting well from this problem. I have to to something, I can't just sit here. But I am limited by a lot of my past mistakes on what I feel I can do. And limited by my crappy emotions too.

 

I can't seem to move any faster than what I am and I don't know if it is because of drug damage that hasn't gotten better or something else?

Hi CW

 

Looks like some things are improving for you but not all. Sorry the jobs didn't work out but you never know what might come up in the future if local folk are aware you are looking.

 

Glad that you are getting out of the house to be with others. At least your mind can focus on something different for a little while.

 

The situation with your mum must be so awful  and would be hard for anyone to endure.

 

Not much news from me. Think I have been overdoing things but I seem to get surges  of energy and adrenaline which I need to get rid off - hence the pick axe!! I am having a few bad days at the moment and feeling exhausted. Hope it will pass soon.

 

All we can do is hang on in there and hope!

 

Hugs.

 

Flowers xxx

[Prestorb]

Hi CW, I am so glad to see that you are getting out and feeling so much better! I can see a DRAMATIC difference in your posts from a month or so ago. Congratulations to you! And thanks for sharing, you GO girl!

[Prestorb]

So I posted that without reading your more recent posts, but it still seems that you are seeing windows at least, of dramatic improvement. And that is worth celebrating, even a few hours or a day is worth celebrating. I had a great day yesterday after getting out and doing something new that I was dreading. But those experiences seem to release the feel good chemical in our brains that we so desperately need. I knew it might just be for the day, but even one day of feeling good and motivated was such a gift. Don't give up CW, we have to keep TRYiNg to find what stimulates and inspires us in order to succeed. I can see you are healing and recovering, I have faith you will find what you are looking for. Have you read Baylissa Frederick's book, Recovery and Renewal? I really like her, I wish I could be so positive. She also has the FB page Bloom in Wellness. You are probably familiar, but if not, check it out. Hang in there, you are not alone (I often feel that way too), we are all here on this journey together. Smiles and hugs....

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

The problem with my mother (she does not talk to me at all) has been like this for most of my life. It is worse at the moment because I have lost all of my work, my calendar is empty and I do not know what to do. My isolation and her indifference makes it so much worse, that is why I am feeling so desperate for this all to end. And my usual hobbies like beading bring no satisfaction anymore. I've tried, my heart is not in it.

 

Already not interested in my mandala coloring books, I am not getting any meditative feeling from them, just boredom.

 

Baylissa is recovered and can rightly feel positive. I am a mess and rightly feel depressed, lonely and defeated.

 

I thank both of you for stopping by and trying to cheer me up. But how to be cheerful when the world has no use for you? I don't know what to feel now that no one wants me. I don't even want me.

 

Poor me. I don't want to be me anymore, I want this to be over.

[direstraits]

I'm sorry CW-I'm in abad place myself-feel like a mess& just don't know what the hell to do with myself

 

feel like I have no identity-no purpose-lost

 

sorry,I'm not helping

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

Dire,

 

That's ok, I am not looking for help so much as a way to release some of the stress these bad feelings are causing me.

 

We're sisters in misery at the moment so there's a bit of comfort in knowing I am not alone.

 

I feel worse because my hopes were up that one of the 2 jobs might materialize and because they did not, I am overly disappointed. I wish there was something I could say to cheer you up.

 

I am looking at the beading site today, trying to work up some enthusiasm for a project but it is not happening.

 

Rats.

 

You stay strong, OK? And thanks for cheering me up just by writing a little note. I always feel a bit better when anyone comments on my thread. (And I forgot I already posted some negativity, I should have skipped my last post. I don't like to dump too much.)

[direstraits]

glad that I could cheer you up a bit

 

I hate to sound so down too, but we feel what we feel, right?

[Prestorb]

I am sorry you are both feeling so down today. I understand, I feel this way more than I would like to myself and it sucks. But it passes, and I guess anything at all that takes your mind off of it is helpful. CW: I am so sorry about the situation with your mother, that has to be extremely difficult. It is no wonder you are struggling so much with that constant tension. I can relate as my stepfather was a very difficult and negative person to live with growing up, and still can be when I visit. It rattles me every time. He is not a bad person, it's just the way he is.

 

Volunteers are always needed. I know you've tried, but if you found an opportunity that you enjoyed, this could be good. I really believe that you will find something that you enjoy and that will keep you busy if you keep looking. I know it is disappointing when something doesn't work out, but don't give up, hang in there! It will get better....

[btdt]

Btdt,

 

I don't want to work with animals anymore, that is the problem. So doing what you suggest is something I would have to drag myself to do and I don't want to. I don't know what I want but I don't want to sit around all day and opportunities for jobs aren't exactly plentiful right now.

 

Apathy, anhedonia, depression. Still sick and hating it. Such nice opportunities came up but they didn't come true. What a giant let down. Poor me, huh?

 

Right now it seems like more of a 'life' problem as in "What am I going to do with my life now"? as opposed to getting well from this problem. I have to to something, I can't just sit here. But I am limited by a lot of my past mistakes on what I feel I can do. And limited by my crappy emotions too.

 

I can't seem to move any faster than what I am and I don't know if it is because of drug damage that hasn't gotten better or something else?

I will guess drug damage... as so many others here have the exact same thing. 

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

I am having a great deal of difficulty trying to figure out what exactly is wrong and how to go about 'fixing' it.

 

I have no motivation to do anything but am getting more and more anxious and unsettled sitting in my chair in front of the computer all day long, starting from when I get up at 6:30 till bed time at around 10. There are certainly enough household chores to be done but I don't want to do any of them so as a result the house stays dirty. And then this adds to the guilt and self loathing. What is odd is that so many months ago I actually started cleaning the kitchen and did quite well until I stopped (don't remember why I stopped).

 

Now just thinking about cleaning brings on anxiety do I just don't do it.

 

I am desperate to escape from the house and looking at this mess, that is the wish behind wanting a part time job and also to get away from being around my mother. I have found it best to not even attempt to speak to her, that is just more chances for her to make an odd remark that causes me to lose my temper and start shouting at her.

 

I am finding my stomach is starting to hurt from the anxiety and when that happens I feel worse.

 

I just do not know how to make myself feel better and I don't know what to do. I wonder how much longer I can hang on like this. I know you will all tell me to hang on, what else can I do?

 

I am waiting for something to change because I don't know how to MAKE a change happen.

 

And now, after I have continued to read about tDCS, I am terrified of it.

[btdt]

If your scared of it don't do it.  Some very slight things have made me worse and I did try the tens machine for body pain in wd and it messed me up more.  It simply is not worth getting a set back wd is bad enough without adding to the troubles. 

If your going to be online all day anyway why not seek out online ways of healing... relaxations videos ... tapping for anxiety.... picking one or more of these bloggers to follow

http://www.keepinspiring.me/50-must-read-personal-development-bloggers-thatll-change-your-life/

 

 

seek out a poor person who would be grateful to help clean your house... could be the difference in eating that day for some  person... and could be a win win. 

 

just some ideas ... 

 

look up what those changes on the wd wiki page are about I am curious... not to over load you. 

 

Utube  music videos and cat videos... I never said I was a brain surgeon these videos have saved my sanity more than once... I don't care who does or doesn't like it I am not watching videos for them I am watching videos for me. 

 

I wish you peace CW

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

Good luck with youtube watching in the future, btdt. It is going to be a vast advertising dump. Google does not yet have all of the planet's money, they need whatever amazon has not managed to get.

 

My panic over the tDCS was because I could not find a picture showing the electrode placement and because I had not received my device yet. Turns out it was not shipped at the beginning of the week like they said it would be. Start up company, disorganized. I won't be recommending them. I did not realize they weren't stellar. They sent an email which I received on 4-10 saying the unit was shipped 4-11. Huh?

 

It occurred to me yesterday (as a random thought) that I don't feel as depressed as before and that maybe what I am feeling for the most part now is anxiety and disquiet and frustration and anger and boredom and panic with a bit of depression mixed in (not all at the same time). But definitely not at the rock bottom low as some weeks ago. I don't have an answer for why that is.

 

Still going to the meetings. Worked to deliver a few flower orders on Sat for gas money. The lady is not in a position to hire anyone yet.

 

Went to the bead store:

 

 

 

Hope I feel like making their mates. Forgot to count the number of beads to start the plain one tho.

[btdt]

what is an advertising dump... ads on everything I want to watch?  if it is I am sure some start up will come along and compete... 

 

Guess they have to have total control so what I am use to the push for it not much surprises me at this point. 

 

I see things have shifted for no reason just like wd to do that. 

 

If you never make the mates think of some other creative use for them. 

 

Glad your doing better. 

[LoveandLight]

I'm glad your doing better also x

[Addax]

You made those earrings from from scratch?! They're lovely! How long did each take you to make? What a wonderful, artistic, skill you have!

 

I used to keep old jewelry or find jewelry at yard sales or places like goodwill with the idea that I would use the beads or parts to create something new. I think I started a bracelet years ago. Didn't take long before I realized that creating what I pictured in my head was NOT going to happen. At least onot without some kind of divine intervention or something. If I knew where all those beads and parts were I'd send them to you.

 

Heck, if you don't feel like making their mates they would make wonderful necklace pendants! (I'm not sure pendants is the right term, so hopefully you know what I mean)

[Flowers]

I agree with Addax - those beads are stunning! And delivering flowers too - so pleased you are able to do something with your days.

Maybe your flower shop lady would put some of your beads on display for sale?

 

Seems like you have a mixture of feelings to deal with so I hope that you are getting some distractions to ease your mind a little.

 

Flowers xxx

[chia1214]

Hi CW - just popping in to say hi. I so relate to the negative mind frame. Yours and mine and others'  may vary in content but the self-attacks are horrid and really, no one can do anything or say anything when the thinker is thinking so fatalistic. So believe me, when I hear there is even a slight lessening of all that's loathsome, I am so glad to read about it.

 

I only this week could even reply to anyone's thread. I appreciate you putting your thoughts on here like you do. I can't articulate the way you and others do when the battle is fierce. I was impressed when I saw Fresh shared video of herself going through severe akathisia. That took courage. 

 

That reminds me, under some members'topics, there are tags. How do those get there? I haven't forgot you were my go-to girl when I first joined.   

 

Nice bead work, btw!

 

-- Chia

[chia1214]

Hi again CW and thanks for replying on my thread. I only recently noticed those tags and that not every topic had them. I must be waking up. Now that you explained things, I see why the feature isn't all that useful. Thanks for explaining.

 

So that cafe' you went to, the anonymous meetings are held there? Or are you a part of that outreach? It's a nice looking place. I must have missed something in your thread, but you said you told a woman about your being a 30 year vet. Is that an AA vet? I don't recall you mentioning your were a war vet! Or a veterinarian? I went to AA when I was 16 and stopped drinking then. Many moons ago. I left off going to meetings after about 10 years, my spiritual awakening took the form of becoming a born-again Christian so church meetings and prayer meetings were for me a natural transition.

 

I like the idea of having enough money to go around and visit other SA'ers. I imagine rounding a bunch up on a bus (I'd drive since I drove bus and loved it). Then each person could choose a place to go and we would go from one place to the other. If we all started to bottom out, we could make for a beach and spread out on the sand and moan and writhe like walruses or seals, collectively. Then we'd be bound to feel somewhat better and could continue on our way. Group support at its finest...

 

Complete change of topic - do you know what causes over-type here? I must hit some key, because it doesn't always do it, but it's a pain when I go to correct a typo mid-sentence since everything forward gets eaten up. Like Pac-Man.....

 

I see you have 1111 replies to this topic as of my typing. I have to mess up that nice pattern of 1's.

 

I'm stopping now, the over-type problem is making this a long post, since I don't type fast to begin with... and make lots of typos...   

 

-- Chia

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

Normally, if you are in a word processing document and hit the 'insert' key on the keyboard, it will 'eat up' the text as you type. I tried it here in this message but it does not work. You can check it on your own keyboard though, maybe it is the type of board I am using. The 'insert' key is at the top right of usual keyboards. Hit it once and see if it stops the text eating. If not then I have no clue.

 

Those are indeed AA meetings I have been going to, I like that little cafe and usually go there once a week. I am glad you found a way to stay away from alcohol, it does not do some people much good.

 

(And just a note and don't get mad but the default font and color for the site is much easier to read. I know you want to stand out from the crowd but that Comic Sans font is dreadful). That is just me, though. I do the best I can to read things as they are presented most of the time.....

[btdt]

I wonder if we all did get together if we would know each other on site by what we have learned from each other here or would we be completely surprised it is odd to think of how much goes on this site of private nature when we feel insulated by the fact we are not seen. The only person who I have looked at is Alto in one of the rallies years ago.  It seems such a different thing to see each other in person I wonder what that would be like. 

[chia1214]

Normally, if you are in a word processing document and hit the 'insert' key on the keyboard, it will 'eat up' the text as you type. I tried it here in this message but it does not work. You can check it on your own keyboard though, maybe it is the type of board I am using. The 'insert' key is at the top right of usual keyboards. Hit it once and see if it stops the text eating. If not then I have no clue.

 

Those are indeed AA meetings I have been going to, I like that little cafe and usually go there once a week. I am glad you found a way to stay away from alcohol, it does not do some people much good.

 

(And just a note and don't get mad but the default font and color for the site is much easier to read. I know you want to stand out from the crowd but that Comic Sans font is dreadful). That is just me, though. I do the best I can to read things as they are presented most of the time.....

 

Oh good! I tried that with the insert key and that's what's doing it. Thanks! 

 

I don't think of church/prayer as my way of staying away from alcohol. I never could stand the taste of the stuff. I just drank like a fish when I was 15 because that's what everyone I hung with did and I was gullible and easily influenced. I actually credit AA for putting me in contact with other Christian women who mentored/sponsored me. The 12th step for me was more that I had a spiritual awakening as a result of coming to Christ, not as a result of the previous 11 steps, good as they are. I met some nice people there for sure.

 

Wow, sorry my green font wasn't working out for you! I'll quit cold turkey. Wasn't thinking in terms of trying to stand out from the crowd or anything like that, I was just playing around one day, and thought I would try matching my font to my avatar hair. I like trying new things especially on the computer. So, no, never hesitate to tell me something like that, thanks! 

 

Sorry everyone who had trouble reading my green comic font!   Do these emoticons mess things up too? I can quit them too, it can be cold turkey week everywhere for me!

 

What are the rallies you were referring to, btdt?