moodyblues78 Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 Of course this is not a good idea but (I was going to say from his standpoint, I am a poor choice) because he is not the kind of friend I need right now and I am in no shape to be anyone's friend. At the end of the day, were I to become friends, he's still be someone else's husband in a dress, outdoing me in the looks department and having that which I seek and cannot have, a mate. Not true exactly, I am not sure I even want a mate, I just want this soul searing loneliness to go away. And then I want to die. I am done with this sh*t, there's nothing left I want to do or see. Therapy: I have to pay someone to care about me (I read that this is how I can get healed from this particular problem) and through this I magically begin to care about others. But I did care about others, tried to anyway my whole life because I was told this is the right way to be but it didn't work (because there is no place in the world for 'selective carers'). I didn't feel better. I guess it never does if you expect there will be some reward. It is supposed to feel good just because. But that is for normal people, not for people who did not get the 'right' kind of love (and who didn't know it) and then had everything messed with by the drugs. It has been this way my whole miserable dam life and now I think I am sitting here living inside a mind that is slowly dying and that is why I can't move out of it. It is keeping me alive so I can keep my mother alive until her natural end. Sleep is messed up again too. I hope this doesn't go on too much longer. I am so sick of crying all of the time. Well that was dark. Ok.. This may sound stupid or i may sound like an ass or a complete idiot but i don`t care anymore of how i sound so here comes: Teach yourself to like the things in your life that you hate or dislike and they will lose their bad meaning. May that be the things that you have to do or just bad ideas or thoughts that come to your mind. That is what i had to do and i believe it is the only way to correct the way you see yourself and the world. It is like you are living like having a bag on your head and all you can hear is the echo of your own voice and you cannot see anything. As hard as it is you`ll need to grow a new you. It can be done but it is hard. You did not ask for an advice but i gave one anyway. I`m sorry about that. Sometimes I do this. I think you are a lot stronger person than you think. 08 Cipralex 10mg for about 6 months. 11-12 Cipralex 20mg. Unsuccesful WD. 12-13 Zoloft 100mg with Diazepam 10-20mg as needed for anxiety.Fall 13 Tapering Zoloft 100->50->25->12,5->0 in 2,5 months and CT Diazepam. 12/24/13 RI Zoloft 12,5mg. 1/21/14 11mg 3/18/14 9,9mg 2/18/14 8mg 4/22/14 7,6mg 5/5/14 7,2mg 5/12/14 -> cutting 0,5mg per week, holding when necessary. 8/18/14 -> cutting 0,25mg per week holding when necessary. 10/20/2014 -> cutting 0,1mg per week, holding when necessary.12/28/2014 Jump! Link to comment
Wildflower0214 Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 Wiggle, Just for the record... I couldn't go on a date if someone paid me a million dollars. I just got to the point I can speak to my close friends over the phone without having a panic attack. I won't be dating for YEARS!!! CW...I hope you find a good guy friend. maybe one who has some growing to do himself, so he's not pushy with a time frame. Sometimes, those are the best kinds of relationships. Well, JDM, considering the fact that you and I are apparently the smelliest members on this site, maybe we should just date each other!!! Lol! 2005-Zoloft bad reaction.....2006-Lexepro......2012-Upped Lexepro.......2013-Upped Lexepro......2/2014- Attempted Taper Lexepro...2/2014- Updosed Lexepro.......3/2014-Ativan.....5/2014- CT switch from Lexpro to Effexor..... 5/2014-7/2014-Tapered Ativan from 1mg to .25mg.....6/2014-Bad reaction to Effexor........7/2014- Rapid taper Effexor every other day......7/5/2014- Off Effexor.......7/2014-12/2014 - Ativan .25mg.......12/25/2014 -Taper Ativan by 4% due to paradoxical reaction .24mg...11/18/2015-Taper Ativan 1% CURRENTLY ON: .2376mg Ativan taken in 6 .0396mg doses. Link to comment
Member cymbaltawithdrawal5600 Posted February 20, 2015 Author Member Share Posted February 20, 2015 Well that was dark. Sorry Moody, I guess it was. Can't seem to help how I am feeling but after I looked at it don't feel quite as low and that was after my day completely blew up. I don't know why periodic bloodletting such as this helps me move it along but it does. It could be all the crying that happens. I just don't let loose of these 'negative' feelings that easily I guess. Sort of like I'll fight to the death for my right to keep them? So I'll try your idea and try to love all this deadness. You sure it will work? Maybe it already has. I made some new forum friends today, girls. Maybe my misery has a purpose after all. What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878 July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site. Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey. Link to comment
moodyblues78 Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 Loving is not necessary! It is more like acceptance. I have talked about this on my thread a lot (and i am not trying to sell you anything ). The only thing you can do to the things that you cannot change or remove from your life is to accept. What else could help??? Kicking and fighting or running away will not do any good. You can only accept. I have a bad tinnitus and i have so much eye floaters sometimes i feel like a cannot see. In addition to that I have been anxious and depressed for the majority of my life. I was so scared and hopeless about these things that they were the only things i could think about and i saw no other solution than to end my life. But before that would try this acceptance bs that so many people talk about. What ever symptom I would face I would take it as a part of the healing process and suffer. It gives a positive meaning to the suffering so deep inside you it slowly starts to change into a positive thing. Every wave no matter how big becomes just a sign of healing in action. This is what you can teach to yourself. It is not easy and it will take months/years. Like this tinnitus. It is always present so i would constantly try to avoid thinking about it. Then i stopped that. I did not try to stop thinking about it anymore. In the following months i have started to think about it less and less. It works. I still have my wd symptoms, tinnitus and floaters but they have diminished so much that there are periods when i am not bothered by them. When they lose their negative meaning i no longer notice them. I just acknowledge them and continue what ever I`m doing. I hope that made sense. English is not my first language so I could say something and mean something else. It has happened many times 08 Cipralex 10mg for about 6 months. 11-12 Cipralex 20mg. Unsuccesful WD. 12-13 Zoloft 100mg with Diazepam 10-20mg as needed for anxiety.Fall 13 Tapering Zoloft 100->50->25->12,5->0 in 2,5 months and CT Diazepam. 12/24/13 RI Zoloft 12,5mg. 1/21/14 11mg 3/18/14 9,9mg 2/18/14 8mg 4/22/14 7,6mg 5/5/14 7,2mg 5/12/14 -> cutting 0,5mg per week, holding when necessary. 8/18/14 -> cutting 0,25mg per week holding when necessary. 10/20/2014 -> cutting 0,1mg per week, holding when necessary.12/28/2014 Jump! Link to comment
Member cymbaltawithdrawal5600 Posted February 20, 2015 Author Member Share Posted February 20, 2015 The only thing you can do to the things that you cannot change or remove from your life is to accept. What else could help??? Kicking and fighting or running away will not do any good. You can only accept. This is part of what it looks like for me in coming to acceptance: an amount of public wailing and gnashing of teeth helps me to see what the face of the demon is I am battling. The demon always turns out to be a facet of myself that I hate completely and unfortunately, since the drugs and their numbing ability has been taken away forever (why would I ever consider them again?) I can't avoid me anymore. it is all I see and it continually resists all my attempts to change it. The latest fiasco to smack me in the face is my inability to speak my mind when and where appropriate, and in an appropriate manner. It came out yesterday and I have destroyed relationships with my women's group because I could not find a way to tell another how upset i was to find out she has been blamed for 2 of the other members leaving the group. I had it with her out in front of everyone, there was screaming, shouting and crying (not me) and I stormed out saying I would not let this woman force me to leave the group. After I got home (and after finding out I was being being ditched by the first therapist on my list) I thought about and realized I would never be able to go back to that group, I would forever have the memory of my behavior in front of them torturing me. So she wins after all, I am another casualty of her being the way she is except I went public about it. You know what that tells me about myself? I am judgmental, inflexible and combative and the shorthand for that kind of person is azzhole. My dad was one and I learned to be just like him. I try to imitate the qualities of others but it doesn't take, I revert to azzholery when I am not keeping a tight lid on it. My teaching on how to handle feelings was to stuff them or you'll get spanked or swatted across the mouth. That is how you teach people to be passive-agressive. What else can I do BUT accept? This is how it is for me, if I haven't killed myself and I am still able to spit out what is bothering me here or elsewhere then I am accepting it, but very inelegantly. When I find a therapist maybe I won't have the need for such dumping. But in the mean time, I'll try what you say and try to get through the days but each failure I have in interpersonal relationships puts one more round in the chamber of the gun I continually shoot myself with. What do you expect? It is how I was raised and if I had somehow found the right therapy I might not be still doing this to myself. I get all these kinds of awarenesses (you are trying to give me yet again one more) but that is all I get, not the fix. Getting distracted into drugs was the single most damaging thing I could ever have done to myself. I am fighting THAT at the same time I am fighting all the psychological crap coming to light. I am f***ing sick of getting all of these insights and the same things keep happening. You know how I learned to snow ski? On the bunny slope like everyone else. But eventually I got on the lift (boy was that a big deal in itself!) to the top of the intermediate slope and and was terrified! How I got down was by carefully snow plowing in one direction and then falling down so I could switch my body and skis to the other direction and repeat: plow, fall, turn. I bawled all the way down but I made it. It got lots better after that but people thought I was nuts, kept wanting to help me because no one can stand a woman crying. But I assured them I was ok and I would do this myself thank you very much. I'm crying all the way but I am still alive. Got another potential last date for breakfast on Sunday. The CD guy is thrilled that my gf and the rest of the girls from the spa want to have a GNO with him so I'll be setting that up, a 'swinger' from another state chatted me up this morning (how are these people finding me????), I am still crying but breathing and I am trying (as you see) to stay occupied while I am waiting for this latest piece of AD withdrawal crap to stop putting its hands on my throat and trying to choke the life out of me. Thanks Moody, you are aces! (PS. I'll just throw this in here because where I want to put it won't work. I do so wish people would stop recommending drugs to people. Especially drugs they think worked for them but may be the worst thing in the world for someone else. This board does not have a 'pro drug' philosophy and I hope it stays that way. It would be a different story if these drugs 'worked' to 'heal' something but they don't. Fool's gold has no value at the supermarket, fool's drugs don't have a purpose here. They are a necessary evil if you are sick from their untimely withdrawal but their therapeutic value is highly suspect. Keep your good ideas to yourself or join a pro drug board. I have read lots of them and they could use you.) What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878 July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site. Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey. 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btdt Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 "How I got down was by carefully snow plowing in one direction and then falling down so I could switch my body and skis to the other direction and repeat: plow, fall, turn. I bawled all the way down but I made it. " Yep we all have our own way of surviving... and I must have missed the apathetic apathy post of course I have had bouts of that I just assumed everyone did. I would love to say just do one thing... and it will go away but that would be a lie... you can do one thing and it is like pulling teeth but it proves you can if you really really need to... truth is it passes when the wave passes. Find it odd nobody else said that to you before now not even me... So how is the dating life... I am happy to be home alone with peace and quiet but I have other times too when I want people just not so much this year. Peace CW WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
Administrator Altostrata Posted February 22, 2015 Administrator Share Posted February 22, 2015 cw, because you can see you're out of the woods withdrawal-wise, I added our cheerful "here comes the sun" symbol☼to the title of your Intro topic.Yours will be a success story some day, I am sure. This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. "It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein All postings © copyrighted. Link to comment
btdt Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 I was just looking at those suns on everybody's threads but mine... it seems. Can only guess the opinion is WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
Member cymbaltawithdrawal5600 Posted February 23, 2015 Author Member Share Posted February 23, 2015 Probably much more productive for you to concentrate on healing than to try to 'guess' at 'opinions', is my 'opinion'. What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878 July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site. Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey. Link to comment
btdt Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 Ouch that stings a bit.. I will take it under advisement. WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
btdt Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 It is me I am easily offended to day sorry CW going to take a time out... peace to you. WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
Administrator Altostrata Posted February 23, 2015 Administrator Share Posted February 23, 2015 btdt, please stop off-topic musings about yourself in other people's Intro threads. This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. "It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein All postings © copyrighted. Link to comment
alex Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 going to take a time out... GOOD!!!!! 4 years aprox. on 150mgs.Effexor for situational major depression.No AD before.Tapered 150-0mgs in 3 months. Tapered Quetiapine,Xanax in the last 18 months.NO med of any kind anymore.First 3 months off acute w/dProtracted w/d ever since.Symptoms:Anxiety,anhedonia,insomnia,tinnitus,PSSD 04/13/2014 Awful Relapse.Recovered fairly fast. 3 years and 4 months off. waves and windows.Very much recovered. November 2015,health issue.Setback. Link to comment
Member cymbaltawithdrawal5600 Posted February 23, 2015 Author Member Share Posted February 23, 2015 Starting with post 944, please remove from my thread #944, 945, 946, 947, 948 949 and lastly this one. I have already communicated with btdt and Alex, that just wasn't a nice thing for you to say and it was uncalled for. If you are feeling bad, PM me. I always try to help if I can but I have to be asked first. I am feeling crappy enough as it is. Thank you. What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878 July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site. Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey. Link to comment
alex Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 You are absolutely right CW. I'm sorry.I am in one of the worse waves ever.but that is not an excuse to be rude, I hope we all get out from this hell some day. 4 years aprox. on 150mgs.Effexor for situational major depression.No AD before.Tapered 150-0mgs in 3 months. Tapered Quetiapine,Xanax in the last 18 months.NO med of any kind anymore.First 3 months off acute w/dProtracted w/d ever since.Symptoms:Anxiety,anhedonia,insomnia,tinnitus,PSSD 04/13/2014 Awful Relapse.Recovered fairly fast. 3 years and 4 months off. waves and windows.Very much recovered. November 2015,health issue.Setback. Link to comment
Member cymbaltawithdrawal5600 Posted February 24, 2015 Author Member Share Posted February 24, 2015 Me too Alex, your apology is accepted. Everytime one of us old timers hits the skids I lose more hope that this just won't end. I cannot believe how deep these depressions can get and no one has any hope to give. What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878 July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site. Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey. Link to comment
Member cymbaltawithdrawal5600 Posted March 6, 2015 Author Member Share Posted March 6, 2015 Still feeling very bad. The depression and hopeless thoughts are unrelenting, I am crying a lot and I feel dead inside. I am apathetic and feel no joy or anticipation of anything. I need relief from this soon. What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878 July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site. Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus bubble Posted March 6, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted March 6, 2015 I've been thinking about you and I'm glad to hear from you although the news is still not good. I also got burnt out by things so we are aching at the moment. But we will get better. It just takes a bit of time as always. Hang in there. Current: 9/2022 Xanax 0.08, Lexapro 2 2020 Xanax 0.26 (down from 2 mg in 2013), Lexapro 2.85 mg (down from 5 mg 2013) Amitriptyline (tricyclic AD) and clonazepam for 3 months to treat headache in 1996 1999. - present Xanax prn up to 3 mg. 2000-2005 Prozac CT twice, 2005-2010 Zoloft CT 3 times, 2010-2013 Escitalopram 10 mg went from 2.5 to zero on 7 Aug 2013, bad crash 40 days afterreinstated to 5 mg Escitalopram 4Oct 2013 and holding liquid Xanax every 5 hours 28 Jan 2014 Xanax 1.9, 18 Apr 2015 1 mg, 25 June 2015 Lex 4.8, 6 Aug Lexapro 4.6, 1 Jan 2016 0.64 Xanax 9 month hold 24 Sept 2016 4.5 Lex, 17 Oct 4.4 Lex (Nov 0.63 Xanax, Dec 0.625 Xanax), 1 Jan 2017 4.3 Lex, 24 Jan 4.2, 5 Feb 4.1, 24 Mar 4 mg, 10 Apr 3.9 mg, May 3.85, June 3.8, July 3.75, 22 July 3.7, 15 Aug 3.65, 17 Sept 3.6, 1 Jan 2018 3.55, 19 Jan 3.5, 16 Mar 3.4, 14 Apr 3.3, 23 May 3.2, 16 June 3.15, 15 Jul 3.1, 31 Jul 3, 21 Aug 2.9 26 Sept 2.85, 14 Nov Xan 0.61, 1 Dec 0.59, 19 Dec 0.58, 4 Jan 0.565, 6 Feb 0.55, 20 Feb 0.535, 1 Mar 0.505, 10 Mar 0.475, 14 Mar 0.45, 4 Apr 0.415, 13 Apr 0.37, 21 Apr 0.33, 29 Apr 0.29, 10 May 0.27, 17 May 0.25, 28 May 0.22, 19 June 0.22, 21 Jun updose to 0.24, 24 Jun updose to 0.26 Supplements: Omega 3 + Vit E, Vit C, D, magnesium, Taurine, probiotic I'm not a medical professional. Any advice I give is based on my own experience and reading. Link to comment
Muddles Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Nasty wave cymbalta - it will pass. Hold on. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Rhiannon Posted March 6, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted March 6, 2015 It's so easy to forget, when things have been better for a while, that we are still pretty fragile. And then the wave hits. I have seen so many people walk through this process, though, and I know that over time it does get better, especially if you do your best to take good care of yourself in every way that you can manage to. Sometimes "over time" is just a couple of years; sometimes it's three or four; in rare cases it's more than five or six, but sooner or later everyone notices improvement that becomes pretty solid, maybe not 100%, but 80-90, enough to live a life worth living. My thoughts are with you CW, Bubble, everyone. Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010. Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea. Feb 15 2010: 300 mg Neurontin 200 Lamictal 10 Celexa 0.65 Xanax and 5 mg Ambien Feb 10 2014: 62 Lamictal 1.1 Celexa 0.135 Xanax 1.8 Valium Feb 10 2015: 50 Lamictal 0.875 Celexa 0.11 Xanax 1.5 Valium Feb 15 2016: 47.5 Lamictal 0.75 Celexa 0.0875 Xanax 1.42 Valium 2/12/20 12 0.045 0.007 1 May 2021 7 0.01 0.0037 1 Feb 2022 6 0!!! 0.00167 0.98 2.5 mg Ambien Oct 2022 4.5 mg Lamictal (off Celexa, off Xanax) 0.95 Valium Ambien, 1/4 to 1/2 of a 5 mg tablet I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus dalsaan Posted March 6, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted March 6, 2015 Hi CW I'm sorry to hear things have been so difficult for you, give it time, try to find some distractions and be gentle on yourself. It will pass Dalsaan xx Please note - I am not a medical practitioner and I do not give medical advice. I offer an opinion based on my own experiences, reading and discussion with others.On Effexor for 2 months at the start of 2005. Had extreme insomnia as an adverse reaction. Changed to mirtazapine. Have been trying to get off since mid 2008 with numerous failures including CTs and slow (but not slow enough tapers)Have slow tapered at 10 per cent or less for years. I have liquid mirtazapine made at a compounding chemist. Was on 1.6 ml as at 19 March 2014. Dropped to 1.5 ml 7 June 2014. Dropped to 1.4 in about September. Dropped to 1.3 on 20 December 2014. Dropped to 1.2 in mid Jan 2015. Dropped to 1 ml in late Feb 2015. I think my old medication had run out of puff so I tried 1ml when I got the new stuff and it seems to be going ok. Sleep has been good over the last week (as of 13/3/15). Dropped to 1/2 ml 14/11/15 Fatigue still there as are memory and cognition problems. Sleep is patchy but liveable compared to what it has been in the past. DRUG FREE - as at 1st May 2017 >My intro post is here - http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2250-dalsaan Link to comment
nz11 Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Hang in there CW. Don't give up hope ...this is just a bad wave. Wishing you divine strength and healing...from the bottom of the world. Thought for the day: Lets stand up, and let’s speak out , together. G Olsen We have until the 14th. Feb 2018. URGENT REQUEST Please consider submitting for the petition on Prescribed Drug Dependence and Withdrawal currently awaiting its third consideration at the Scottish Parliament. You don't even have to be from Scotland. By clicking on the link below you can read some of the previous submissions but be warned many of them are quite harrowing. http://www.parliament.scot/GettingInvolved/Petitions/PE01651 Please tell them about your problems taking and withdrawing from antidepressants and/or benzos. Send by email to petitions@parliament.scot and quote PE01651 in the subject heading. Keep to a maximum of 3 sides of A4 and you can't name for legal reasons any doctor you have consulted. Tell them if you wish to remain anonymous. We need the numbers to help convince the committee members we are not isolated cases. You have until mid February. Thank you Recovering paxil addict None of the published articles shed light on what ssri's ... actually do or what their hazards might be. Healy 2013. This is so true, with anything you get on these drugs, dependance, tapering, withdrawal symptoms, side effects, just silent. And if there is something mentioned then their is a serious disconnect between what is said and reality! "Every time I read of a multi-person shooting, I always presume that person had just started a SSRI or had just stopped." Dr Mosher. Me too! Over two decades later, the number of antidepressant prescriptions a year is slightly more than the number of people in the Western world. Most (nine out of 10) prescriptions are for patients who faced difficulties on stopping, equating to about a tenth of the population. These patients are often advised to continue treatment because their difficulties indicate they need ongoing treatment, just as a person with diabetes needs insulin. Healy 2015 I believe the ssri era will soon stand as one of the most shameful in the history of medicine. Healy 2015 Let people help people ... in a natural, kind, non-addictive (and non-big pharma) way. J Broadley 2017 Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Thinking of you, cw x 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
direstraits Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 hi CW-I can relate to much of what you write-crying deadinside-nothing seems to mean anything anymore hope we see relief soon-take care went on Prozac 1994-99,60mg.poopout ct back on 2001-2002,prozac weekly 2002,not working,Effexor 75 mg.?2003-mar.2004 gaining weight 8wk. taper,wellbutrin 150 mg.mar. -may 2004 ctmedfree til july 2005 back to Prozac gaining weight again,back on wellbutrin jan.2006150-300 mg.bad constipation.also was taking aygestin(hormone)perimenopausal irregular bleeding.back on Prozac around sept,?2006,hysterectomy jan30.2007(adenomyosis)off&on Prozac til 2009,citalopram about 1 mo, April 2010 no effect,Effexor again may -mar, 2011.ct,Prozac aug,-dec, 2011 &sept-nov 2012,paroxetine oct,23 2013-may 4 2014 20 mgs.tapered 6 wks.-failed RI in Oct.2014-in protracted WD.started 10 mgs. Fluoxetine May 25 2021 .Stopped fluoxetine May 2022 at 5 mgs. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Petunia Posted March 7, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted March 7, 2015 I'm sorry you've been hit by this wave CW. It looks like you're still going through the windows and waves, please take care of yourself through this one. It will pass. Have you had any luck with finding a therapist? I'm not a doctor. My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one. My Introduction Thread Full Drug and Withdrawal History Brief Summary Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects 2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010 Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal) May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins. Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens. Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days. April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close. VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from? VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made? VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes? VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects? VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Addax Posted March 7, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted March 7, 2015 I'm sorry to read that you've been hit by a bad wave. :-(. They're called waves because they are not stagnant... They pass. Please be kind to yourself, CW. 1988-2012: Prozac @ 60mg (with a few stops and starts) Fall 2012: Returned to 40mg after discontinuing and horrid withdrawal Fall 2013: 40mg Fluoxetine, added 150mg Wellbutrin to treat fatigue Winter 2014: Attempting to taper both (too fast) April 2014: 9mg Fluoxetine + 37.5 Wellbutrin Summer 2014: 8 mg Fluoxetine + 0 Wellbutrin (way too fast a drop) Late summer/Early Fall 2014: Debilitating Withdrawal symptoms Fall 2014 - Wellbutrin successfully kicked to the curb but… Oct- Dec 2014: Panicked reinstatement of Fluoxetine ->30mg - held for 5yrs Jan 2021: taper to 20mg Fluoxetine then tapering by 1mg every 2-3 months Fall 2022 - held at 10mg->December 2022: 9mg->Feb 2023: 8mg ->March 2023: brassmonkey slide begins: 7.8mg -> 7.6 -> 7.4->2 week hold (April)->7.2->7mg->6.8->2 week hold->6.6-> 1-month hold ->(June)-6.5->4-week hold-> (July)-6.4 (discontinued brassmonkey slide and slowed taper)-> (Aug)-6.2->(Sept)-6.0->(Oct)-5.9->(Nov)-5.8->(Dec)-5.7->wave!->(Jan)-5.8->(Feb)-6mg and holding. My 2014 withdrawal experience: https://rxisk.org/antidepressant-withdrawal-a-prozac-story/ Link to comment
Wildflower0214 Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 Hang in there. I'm so sorry this is happening. 2005-Zoloft bad reaction.....2006-Lexepro......2012-Upped Lexepro.......2013-Upped Lexepro......2/2014- Attempted Taper Lexepro...2/2014- Updosed Lexepro.......3/2014-Ativan.....5/2014- CT switch from Lexpro to Effexor..... 5/2014-7/2014-Tapered Ativan from 1mg to .25mg.....6/2014-Bad reaction to Effexor........7/2014- Rapid taper Effexor every other day......7/5/2014- Off Effexor.......7/2014-12/2014 - Ativan .25mg.......12/25/2014 -Taper Ativan by 4% due to paradoxical reaction .24mg...11/18/2015-Taper Ativan 1% CURRENTLY ON: .2376mg Ativan taken in 6 .0396mg doses. Link to comment
Member cymbaltawithdrawal5600 Posted March 8, 2015 Author Member Share Posted March 8, 2015 Thank you to everyone who wrote. Somehow this does not feel like a wave, this feels like this is who I am going to be for a while now. I just can't get used to it, I really can't. Today is my birthday. I am 65. I am crying, I had no idea, in my wildest imaginings, that I would be feeling like this. I cannot even describe how I feel, I can only describe what I do which is sit in front of the computer all day. But I cannot describe what I am feeling, I can't seem to feel my feelings any more. I do know that I cry a lot and that I am frequently very angry. I am taking care of an old dog I used to groom. The better dog got adopted right away, no one wants this one. She wakes me up in the middle of the night out of a sound sleep, chewing and scratching herself. I am sorry to say I do not love her, I am often very angry at her and then I feel miserable. The misery feeling is in my thoughts, I have a numbness inside me everywhere else. I really do feel like I am losing my mind. I know you will all tell me this is a wave and it will be over one day. Maybe so, maybe not. I just don't know what to say. What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878 July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site. Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey. Link to comment
Pugknows Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 ((((CW)))) I'm 61 and came very close to suicide yesterday. I know how devastated you feel. If someone like you gives up hope, after all you've been through, the future seems bleak and not worth the trouble. You're fragile, CW. You got through the worst of it, so you thought it was over. It is almost over, just a few more steps to go. Life's full of surprises, twists and turns. Many good ones, a few lousy ones. You didn't realize you're still vulnerable. Walk on eggshells for awhile until you can feel the sidewalk. You probably put yourself out there too soon with the dating site. It's a huge stressor building a relationship. Give yourself more time to get strong. (((Hugs))) January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
btdt Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 Thank you to everyone who wrote. Somehow this does not feel like a wave, this feels like this is who I am going to be for a while now. I just can't get used to it, I really can't. Today is my birthday. I am 65. I am crying, I had no idea, in my wildest imaginings, that I would be feeling like this. I cannot even describe how I feel, I can only describe what I do which is sit in front of the computer all day. But I cannot describe what I am feeling, I can't seem to feel my feelings any more. I do know that I cry a lot and that I am frequently very angry. I am taking care of an old dog I used to groom. The better dog got adopted right away, no one wants this one. She wakes me up in the middle of the night out of a sound sleep, chewing and scratching herself. I am sorry to say I do not love her, I am often very angry at her and then I feel miserable. The misery feeling is in my thoughts, I have a numbness inside me everywhere else. I really do feel like I am losing my mind. I know you will all tell me this is a wave and it will be over one day. Maybe so, maybe not. I just don't know what to say. Happy Birthday CW I hope things improve for you soon. Wishing you peace. WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
Member cymbaltawithdrawal5600 Posted March 8, 2015 Author Member Share Posted March 8, 2015 Thanks btdt and Pug. I feel simply awful right now and I cannot seem to do anything about it. I am too far down. What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878 July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site. Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey. Link to comment
ikam Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 Thanks btdt and Pug. I feel simply awful right now and I cannot seem to do anything about it. I am too far down. Would it be possible "just" to accept the way you feel, kind of allowing yourself for this...it seems that you feeling low and then even lower as you don't comfort yourself...maybe... - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
ikam Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 Thank you to everyone who wrote. Somehow this does not feel like a wave, this feels like this is who I am going to be for a while now. I just can't get used to it, I really can't. Today is my birthday. I am 65. I am crying, I had no idea, in my wildest imaginings, that I would be feeling like this. I cannot even describe how I feel, I can only describe what I do which is sit in front of the computer all day. But I cannot describe what I am feeling, I can't seem to feel my feelings any more. I do know that I cry a lot and that I am frequently very angry. I am taking care of an old dog I used to groom. The better dog got adopted right away, no one wants this one. She wakes me up in the middle of the night out of a sound sleep, chewing and scratching herself. I am sorry to say I do not love her, I am often very angry at her and then I feel miserable. The misery feeling is in my thoughts, I have a numbness inside me everywhere else. I really do feel like I am losing my mind. I know you will all tell me this is a wave and it will be over one day. Maybe so, maybe not. I just don't know what to say. HAPPY BIRTHDAY...even crying birthday...(I am 10 years younger, my birthday was in february)... It is difficult to see any light in the misery... Have you thought before that it may be a type of bereavement? This would explain crying and anger... I think personally that we need to get through the loss of the person we could have been if not meds, doctors mistakes, etc. I am 55 and for years I deluded myself...suddenly I know I lost myself, many opportunities etc. When people start feeling the loss, the only way to go through it is to give themselves permission to crying, misery, anger and whatever associated with grief emotions... Usually, when people say that they "only cry", or "cry too much", etc. they somehow get stuck in trying to reach impossible. As what is possible is to go through pain...this pain is not you, but it may feel as if whole your person is filled up with misery...there are other aspects of you...even if you get angry with this dog, it is YOU who looks after her...and this is not easy as it may evoke hopeless feelings and anger...and it is YOU who has been supporting me THANK YOU! I hope I made some sense in my not so proficient english... What time is now at your place? Aha, just realised you are also Pisces, my niece is 15 years old today... - 12.03.2021- doxepin- 50mg - 6.11.2020- 75mg - 16.10.2020- 100mg - 30.09.2020- doxepin- 125mg - May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg - 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg - 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day - 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan - Long term of Nasal spray Otrivine - 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening 24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on 19.03.2020 😇 Link to comment
Prestorb Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 Hi CW, I just want to wish you a Happy Birthday. I'm so sorry you are not where you would like to be right now. I pray that you will find relief and hope very soon. <<<HUGS>>> 2005-2009, Lexapro 10 - 20 mg, CT WD w/severe depression and anxiety: 2010-2015, Paxil, 30 - 40 mg, tapered off at 10 mg/week, moderate anxiety and depression: 2010-2015, Clonozapam 0.25 mg, as needed for anxiety and sleep: 1/10/2015, Zoloft 25 mg, tried to increase to 50 and 75, but nausea and dizziness: 2/13/2015, Paxil 5 mg, added back after 2 weeks at zero to reduce WD: 2/28/2015, Paxil 10 mg, increased from 5 mg to reduce WD, HOLDING: 3/04/2015, Zoloft discontinued (reduced to ~12.5 mg on 2/19, ~6.25 mg on 2/26, then zero): 4/26/2015, Paxil starting 10% taper (no scale so was inadvertently at 20% taper, yikes!): 4/30/2015, Paxil 10 mg, reinstated (WD disappeared between August 2015 and May 2016) 5/02/2016, Started 10% taper, reinstated to 10 mg on 5/11/16: 4/29/2017, Last dose of Paxil (working with holistic psychiatrist, lots of supplements to aid WD): Primary symptoms: apathy, demotivation, anhedonia, fatigue, stress intolerance, moderate social anxiety 7/1/2018 Finally feeling like myself again, success!!! Praise God! Even with the stress of relocating recently, I am feeling pretty good most of the time now. Granted, I eat healthy, I exercise, I don't drink caffeine or alcohol and I try hard find a healthy balance of quiet and social times. Hang in there and keep the faith, you can do it too! Link to comment
Member cymbaltawithdrawal5600 Posted March 8, 2015 Author Member Share Posted March 8, 2015 Thank you. I never imagined it could be this bad. I though what I went through last year was bad, this is bad in a different way. It feels just pretty dead. I hope you are doing well. I have just not been able to read peoples threads lately so I will have a lot to catch up on. And thank you, Ikam, I just saw your post. I don't know what is wrong, really. I just feel defeated and hopeless and there is no way I can fix this. I can't seem to fix anything right now. It is 3:38 PM Eastern Daylight Time on March 8 where I am right now. What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878 July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site. Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey. Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 So sorry CW, I really am... Xx 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
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