Apathy, anhedonia, emotional numbness, emotional anesthesia

[Altostrata]

Manati, all of these questions have been answered before. Please read this topic from the beginning.

[WakeMeUp]

@Manati Hi Manati, I know that you posted a question to Altostrata specifically, but I thought I would chime in as well. 

There are several of us that are part of a Facebook group called Marriages Destroyed by Antidepressants.  The group primarily consists of 1) people who themselves have experienced emotional anesthesia while on psychotropic medications, or while coming off of them, and 2) relatives, friends, family of people who have observed their loved ones while they experienced emotional anesthesia. 

Based on our experiences and analyzing patterns over time, we have seen several factors that impact the length of time a person experiences drug (or whithdrawal) - induced emotional anesthesia:

1. Length of time on a psychotropic medication (this is the BIGGEST factor)
2. Dosage of medication
3. If the person was bridged to other medications (the more medications, the more the brain is impaired by the drugs)
4. How long was the taper (slow tapers tend to bring back connection to feelings vs. fast tapers or going cold turkey)
    

We have also observed that the feelings don't generally come back on like a light switch.  Regaining access to emotions is very much like the windows and waves of withdrawal.  There is an analogy of Christmas Lights that sometimes explains how the connections to feelings come back ...  

• Many of those that report their wake up describe a gradual change in feeling, in terms of being able to feel guilt, joy, have cravings for specific foods, enjoy music, want sex, etc.
   
• Think about a string of Christmas lights, with different colored bulbs, and each bulb glows bright and then fades really dim. This is what regaining connection to emotions is like. Each color represents a different feeling (like yellow=romantic love, purple=attachment to children, blue = sadness, orange = guilt, red = music enjoyment, green = sexual drive, etc). When those connections start to work again, some of those lights will glow brighter, and others will stay dim. The next day, some that were bright may dim a bit and yet others might grow a bit brighter. Like, they may want to listen to music and may want to spend time with the kids but have zero interest in looking their partner in the eye or even talking to them. The next day, they may not be able to listen to music at all and find zero joy in any music whatsoever (Musical Anhedonia), and just want to spend more time with the children, and the thought of sex may actually be the last thing in the world they ever want to do. Then a few days later, they may feel zero bond to their own children.
   
• Some of the lights may stay dim for months and only have moments of any brightness. We find that a lot with the romantic love, because those dopamine receptors have been so INCREDIBLY hijacked by the abundance of serotonin in the synaptic cleft.
   
• If people come off of the drugs, there is a good chance that those connections will repair. If they are bridged to another antidepressant or serotonin-enhancing drug, it will take longer for those connections to repair themselves.  

And to your original question, we do see that the biggest factor(s) that determine a length of time to regain those connections are both the length of time taking the drug, and the number of different medications that the person had been bridged to.  

[Manati]

Dear WakeMeUp,

thank you so much for your kind and informative response!! Your observations are very interesting indeed (if also discouraging, since I have cold turkeyed after 18 years on medication! Is there even hope for me I wonder??). I think that many followers of this thread will profit from your answer.

 

8 minutes ago, WakeMeUp said:

 

@Manati Hi Manati, I know that you posted a question to Altostrata specifically, but I thought I would chime in as well. 

There are several of us that are part of a Facebook group called Marriages Destroyed by Antidepressants.  The group primarily consists of 1) people who themselves have experienced emotional anesthesia while on psychotropic medications, or while coming off of them, and 2) relatives, friends, family of people who have observed their loved ones while they experienced emotional anesthesia. 

Based on our experiences and analyzing patterns over time, we have seen several factors that impact the length of time a person experiences drug (or whithdrawal) - induced emotional anesthesia:

1. Length of time on a psychotropic medication (this is the BIGGEST factor)
2. Dosage of medication
3. If the person was bridged to other medications (the more medications, the more the brain is impaired by the drugs)
4. How long was the taper (slow tapers tend to bring back connection to feelings vs. fast tapers or going cold turkey)
    

We have also observed that the feelings don't generally come back on like a light switch.  Regaining access to emotions is very much like the windows and waves of withdrawal.  There is an analogy of Christmas Lights that sometimes explains how the connections to feelings come back ...  

• Many of those that report their wake up describe a gradual change in feeling, in terms of being able to feel guilt, joy, have cravings for specific foods, enjoy music, want sex, etc.
   
• Think about a string of Christmas lights, with different colored bulbs, and each bulb glows bright and then fades really dim. This is what regaining connection to emotions is like. Each color represents a different feeling (like yellow=romantic love, purple=attachment to children, blue = sadness, orange = guilt, red = music enjoyment, green = sexual drive, etc). When those connections start to work again, some of those lights will glow brighter, and others will stay dim. The next day, some that were bright may dim a bit and yet others might grow a bit brighter. Like, they may want to listen to music and may want to spend time with the kids but have zero interest in looking their partner in the eye or even talking to them. The next day, they may not be able to listen to music at all and find zero joy in any music whatsoever (Musical Anhedonia), and just want to spend more time with the children, and the thought of sex may actually be the last thing in the world they ever want to do. Then a few days later, they may feel zero bond to their own children.
   
• Some of the lights may stay dim for months and only have moments of any brightness. We find that a lot with the romantic love, because those dopamine receptors have been so INCREDIBLY hijacked by the abundance of serotonin in the synaptic cleft.
   
• If people come off of the drugs, there is a good chance that those connections will repair. If they are bridged to another antidepressant or serotonin-enhancing drug, it will take longer for those connections to repair themselves.  

And to your original question, we do see that the biggest factor(s) that determine a length of time to regain those connections are both the length of time taking the drug, and the number of different medications that the person had been bridged to.  

 

[WakeMeUp]

@Manati Yes, there is hope.  Please don't ever give up hope.  If we have learned anything at all, it's that the brain is extraordinary - it is engineered to heal itself, when it is allowed to.  That doesn't mean that it works 100% of the time, but it DOES gradually heal itself if you help provide it with the tools to heal.  We have seen a lot of people who have cold turkey'd off of the meds regain the connection to their feelings.  It's just that their road tends to be longer.  The posts that SA has on Symptoms and Self Care are incredible, and often link to other sources that are also incredible.  Nutrition, Rest, Hydration, Exercising as capable, Magnesium and Fish Oil, and focusing on the Vagus Nerve - all help the brain to heal itself.  Time and getting support is important in this healing process. 

[Manati]

Thank you for your encouraging answer, WakeMeUp! May I ask how many members there are in your group? And from your research, do you have any explanation why this phenomenon occurs under such different/contradictive circumstances? (Drug intake, drug withdrawal, and adverse reaction to a drug)

 

 

1 minute ago, WakeMeUp said:

Yes, there is hope.  Please don't ever give up hope.  If we have learned anything at all, it's that the brain is extraordinary - it is engineered to heal itself, when it is allowed to.  That doesn't mean that it works 100% of the time, but it DOES gradually heal itself if you help provide it with the tools to heal.  We have seen a lot of people who have cold turkey'd off of the meds regain the connection to their feelings.  It's just that their road tends to be longer.  The posts that SA has on Symptoms and Self Care are incredible, and often link to other sources that are also incredible.  Nutrition, Rest, Hydration, Exercising as capable, Magnesium and Fish Oil, and focusing on the Vagus Nerve - all help the brain to heal itself.  Time and getting support is important in this healing process. 

 

[Manati]

Sorry @Altostrata, I didn't mean to annoy. I have read through the topic and gained the impression that the cases following adverse drug reactions seem to be more persistent. That's why I started wondering if there are generally differences in healing patterns relating to the cause of the condition.

 

42 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

Manati, all of these questions have been answered before. Please read this topic from the beginning.

 

[Altostrata]

No, they're not.

[WakeMeUp]

@Manati There are 2500+ members in the Marriages Destroyed by Antidepressants.  There is a long history of other forums that also contained a lot of this information (Topix, Paxil Progress, and others), the studies and testimonials about this have been around since Prozac was first introduced.   

Per your question, the reason that all of this is happening is that antidepressants and other psychotropic medications actually create abnormal brain function (see Robert Whitaker).  I will see if I can summarize, it's a bit complex and I really encourage you to read other publications or watch videos if you want to see the details.  We always point back to the science and credible studies:

1. While Medicated:  In the non-medicated brain, much of our Serotonin is recycled over and over again.  Which means the brain doesn't have to make a ton of it in order to function, it just keeps using the same serotonin. While taking SSRIs or SNRIs, the serotonin recycling process has been impaired.  There is extra serotonin in the synaptic cleft, but this causes 2 different reactions in the brain that a) slows production of serotonin, and b) down-regulates the serotonin receptors.  This impairs the serotonin system.  When it is impaired, the brain is still very smart, and prioritizes where it's LIMITED ACTIVE serotonin can get to.  So it will make sure it goes to vital organs and systems over the ability to feel love or connection.
2. Drug Withdrawal:  While in withdrawal, the recycling process is semi-functional again, but all of the serotonin in the synaptic cleft gets used up during the first days/weeks/months after coming off of the drugs.  Because there is some serotonin available right after discontinuing the medication, the serotonin system doesn't automatically switch back on to previous-medicated functioning.  So, at first, when people come off of the drug, they can feel pretty okay because there is still serotonin there available.  (and therefore people experience Protracted Withdrawal when that serotonin is used up). But, that is where the problem is.  It takes a long time for the brain to replace serotonin.   

In both cases, the brain is trying to get the serotonin to vital places, but because the serotonin system has been impaired, the serotonin that is available gets sent to vital areas of the body.  We see very very often that the emotional connection systems are sometimes the last to be healed, and there is a good reason for that.  The brain is very smart - Alive first, then connection.  

These are more credible sources that can really drill down into these details.  I will list some.  Definitely encourage the videos linked by Robert Whitaker and another by Grace E. Jackson.
 

Robert Whitaker: Psych Drugs Harm, a History - watch this to the end, and listen to how he explains this in the car analogy

Grace E. Jackson:  Building a Better Understanding of the Antidepressants - Can also look at this list of topics she discusses in the video (topics time-stamped). (List of Topics)
List of Publications and Studies: Scientific sources on how these drugs create emotional anesthesia
 

[Manati]

Dear WakeMeUp, thank you so much, again, for taking the time and effort to provide such a detailed response! And thank you also for the literature attached, I'll start reading it straight away. Wow- there are so many links on that drive, thank you for sharing!

It's a puzzling phenomenon, isn't it, considering emotions are orchestrated by various brain areas yet ALL emotions are affected! That's why I was wondering if it the main reason for it is rather neurotransmitter- or receptor related. More than 2500 members - that's a big data set indeed. At the same time so tragic for each and every individual. Let's hope we'll all get out of this.

 

26 minutes ago, WakeMeUp said:

@Manati There are 2500+ members in the Marriages Destroyed by Antidepressants.  There is a long history of other forums that also contained a lot of this information (Topix, Paxil Progress, and others), the studies and testimonials about this have been around since Prozac was first introduced.   

Per your question, the reason that all of this is happening is that antidepressants and other psychotropic medications actually create abnormal brain function (see Robert Whitaker).  I will see if I can summarize, it's a bit complex and I really encourage you to read other publications or watch videos if you want to see the details.  We always point back to the science and credible studies:

1. While Medicated:  In the non-medicated brain, much of our Serotonin is recycled over and over again.  Which means the brain doesn't have to make a ton of it in order to function, it just keeps using the same serotonin. While taking SSRIs or SNRIs, the serotonin recycling process has been impaired.  There is extra serotonin in the synaptic cleft, but this causes 2 different reactions in the brain that a) slows production of serotonin, and b) down-regulates the serotonin receptors.  This impairs the serotonin system.  When it is impaired, the brain is still very smart, and prioritizes where it's LIMITED ACTIVE serotonin can get to.  So it will make sure it goes to vital organs and systems over the ability to feel love or connection.
2. Drug Withdrawal:  While in withdrawal, the recycling process is semi-functional again, but all of the serotonin in the synaptic cleft gets used up during the first days/weeks/months after coming off of the drugs.  Because there is some serotonin available right after discontinuing the medication, the serotonin system doesn't automatically switch back on to previous-medicated functioning.  So, at first, when people come off of the drug, they can feel pretty okay because there is still serotonin there available.  (and therefore people experience Protracted Withdrawal when that serotonin is used up). But, that is where the problem is.  It takes a long time for the brain to replace serotonin.   

In both cases, the brain is trying to get the serotonin to vital places, but because the serotonin system has been impaired, the serotonin that is available gets sent to vital areas of the body.  We see very very often that the emotional connection systems are sometimes the last to be healed, and there is a good reason for that.  The brain is very smart - Alive first, then connection.  

These are more credible sources that can really drill down into these details.  I will list some.  Definitely encourage the videos linked by Robert Whitaker and another by Grace E. Jackson.
 

Robert Whitaker: Psych Drugs Harm, a History - watch this to the end, and listen to how he explains this in the car analogy

Grace E. Jackson:  Building a Better Understanding of the Antidepressants - Can also look at this list of topics she discusses in the video (topics time-stamped). (List of Topics)
List of Publications and Studies: Scientific sources on how these drugs create emotional anesthesia
 

 

[Nic123]

I’m not sure how much longer I can hold out guys. My brain literally feels frozen, I have no bodily sensations anymore. How can I go on like this for possible years?? The complete avolition and loss of feeling have destroyed my life

[SouthernFreeze]

14 hours ago, Nic123 said:

I’m not sure how much longer I can hold out guys. My brain literally feels frozen, I have no bodily sensations anymore. How can I go on like this for possible years?? The complete avolition and loss of feeling have destroyed my life

I'm not sure I have any amazing advice, I just noticed no one has replied and I feel for you. I guess just try your hardest to believe that your brain and body is healing and WILL get better. 

I noticed that your last taper was quite fast, is a tiny reinstatement possible if you're in an unbearable situation?

[Nic123]

5 hours ago, SouthernFreeze said:

I'm not sure I have any amazing advice, I just noticed no one has replied and I feel for you. I guess just try your hardest to believe that your brain and body is healing and WILL get better. 

I noticed that your last taper was quite fast, is a tiny reinstatement possible if you're in an unbearable situation?

Thanks for the kind words, it’s so hard to convince myself I will get better and I won’t feel like this forever but in this state it feels like no other “being” is possible. I spoke to another person who suffered called violet and they experienced the same and said they fully recovered so that’s made me hopeful. 
 

there’s no way I’d ever take it again. I’m 6 months out and think that would make things worst for me. I thought I tapered correctly as I never experienced the common withdrawals like brain zaps etc. it was just after 2 months or so I was hit with these mental problems 

[Johni]

 

Hello @Nic123. I sympathize completely with you and I didn’t even stop taking the medication. I’m literally disgusted by myself for that too. Many times I thought about going to Ct. at least then I would absolutely not be functional. To suffer all day long ... without moving anything. I’ve never been like this and I don’t wear that, to put it mildly.

[Nic123]

Nothings changed I realise that now. I’m starting to really consider the implications that I will have this permanently after reading numerous people’s accounts of suffering for 3+ years with no improvements. Every day I wake up feeling exactly the same day. No one day feels any different from the last. I know I can’t base my outcome from other people’s experience but it’s impossible not to. The loss of Emotions and blankness is absolutely debilitating and I’ve been contemplating suicide as the only logical outcome from all this. It does feel like game over for me unfortunately this is how my life turned out.

 

[SouthernFreeze]

5 hours ago, Nic123 said:

Nothings changed I realise that now. I’m starting to really consider the implications that I will have this permanently after reading numerous people’s accounts of suffering for 3+ years with no improvements. Every day I wake up feeling exactly the same day. No one day feels any different from the last. I know I can’t base my outcome from other people’s experience but it’s impossible not to. The loss of Emotions and blankness is absolutely debilitating and I’ve been contemplating suicide as the only logical outcome from all this. It does feel like game over for me unfortunately this is how my life turned out.

 

3 or 4 years would feel like an eternity feeling like that, but it is still only a small portion of your life so I don't think suicide would be logical. I guess you have tried all the supplements, meditation and all that?

[Ventus]

I have a symptoms question.  I hope this is the right place. While on the AD I had zero ability to feel strong connections to anyone. I only felt for my immediate family and dog. Dates never worked as I just never felt connected to anyone.  But I still laughed, and could find joy in my activities. I was never really drawn to or motivated to do anything though. It's been a few months post the ad and nothing much has changed in that regard. Except for I get alot sadder at sad things and am full of anxiety. How long does it take to begin to regain the connection emotions? And what do they even feel like?

[Manati]

Same Same @Nic123, I'm 'feeling' with you (...). It's just so cruel.

 

 

On 6/13/2021 at 3:49 AM, Nic123 said:

 

Nothings changed I realise that now. I’m starting to really consider the implications that I will have this permanently after reading numerous people’s accounts of suffering for 3+ years with no improvements. Every day I wake up feeling exactly the same day. No one day feels any different from the last. I know I can’t base my outcome from other people’s experience but it’s impossible not to. The loss of Emotions and blankness is absolutely debilitating and I’ve been contemplating suicide as the only logical outcome from all this. It does feel like game over for me unfortunately this is how my life turned out.

 

 

[Johni]

@Nic123Hello. I totally feel how you feel. I have always been a social person. In fact, big. communicative. Now I feel like I have lost all my abilities. No one and nothing affects you. I really even feel like my parents are strangers. my ability to speak also disappeared. I simply have nothing to say. I struggle every day with suicidal thoughts but I couldn’t do it. Training alone is what catches my eye. 4-5 * 1.5 hours per week. it is thus not life. but hold on to my fellow man

[Manati]

@brassmonkey may I ask if, from your observations, emotional anesthesia induced by (failed or successful) reinstatements usually lifts right after tapering of the drug? Or does it persist for longer after that? Have you identified any typical pattern in that regard? Thank you!

[brassmonkey]

@Manati-- Anhedonia or emotional blunting is one of the most common ADWD symptoms. It is quite harmless, but many people find it very upsetting. It does improve the further a person tapers and is usually resolved by the time they make the jump to "0". Here is an article I wrote about it:

 

 

 

[Manati]

Thank you so much @brassmonkey, for your comforting response. I'm just freaked out about those many people who suffer from this over many years, possibly permanently (?), after an adverse reaction or reinstatement...

[miomio]

I am almost 3 years drug free, and of course have a lot of issues like vision problems, and memory issues, I feel like I got stupid  but what bothers me most is that I cant feel any pleasure or happiness I tried to drink some shots just to see if I would feel better but nope. Any who has been there and got better? 

[Nevertoolate]

I'm so sorry to hear that and I notice your last taper was ill-advised. Way too fast.

 

To answer your question I'm just over three years off Lexapro 10MG also tapered incorrectly on doctors advice. 

I'm in the same boat most of the time with an occasional episode of feeling a bit of normal. I still live in hope that's all we can do. Just keep pushing through and make the most of every day.

Ps I don't believe alcohol is the answer to anything 🙃

[Katy398]

This is such a torturous journey. I feel for you both. I too am in the same boat nearly 31 months drug free. I also was tapered too quickly off Lexapro by a Dr. I’m in a terrible wave and consider reinstatement but like so many,  I’m frightened my symptoms will get worse rather than ease. 

Knowing I’m not the only one is a double edged sword. Of course I would not want anyone else to be suffering like this but knowing these symptoms can be considered ‘normal’ for my circumstances is definitely a comfort. 

Take care. They do say we will get better. We have to believe them. Hang on in there folks,  take it moment by moment. X

[almuPA]

I am on the same boat. CT'ed citalopram(I know is not the exact same drug) 14 months ago, and thinking about reisntatement because of how bad I feel.

 

But they say you can turn the corner at any moment, so lets just keep on believing that is posible.

[Marta]

I am on the same boat after 13 months free lexapro where i was feeling kind of good.

Now it's like hell and feels like permanent.

I am so scared.

 

[Katy398]

This boat is getting bigger!

Its now a month since I wrote the last thread and I’ve come out of the wave I was in on June 23rd. I have made the decision not to reinstate no matter how far out I am, getting any worse is too much of a gamble for me. Hang on in there Folks PAWS is tough but (today) I truely believe that we can all heal together in our boat. X

 

[Marta]

Many thanks for the answer.

Yes this boat of late >1yr crashes I also didn't expect it would have been big.

 

I also try not to reinstate (it's too much a gamble after this time). The wave started mid June. I have small windows but some syntmoms are persistent and this is something that destroys me.

Trying to hang on.

 

[Marta]

Of course I am just speculating. This escitalopram is so strong that it alters the brain so deep that these late very strong effect are more common. I don't know what to think anymore. Probably I am biased, it seems this molecule gives this more

[GeoJeep]

Has anyone developed anhedonia/emotional anesthesia after a few months of being off meds?

 

I’ve had muffled emotions ever since my adverse reaction back in December, which I attributed to the DP/DR. The DP/DR has mostly remitted, but, in its place, I have transitioned to full blown anhedonia over the past few weeks.

 

A few months ago, despite my emotions being blunted, I was still able to cry, feel pleasure, had sexual urges, etc… Now I’m just completely blank. No emotions or desires whatsoever. My grandfather passed, and it didn’t even phase me. Even the simplest of pleasures do absolutely nothing for me now. I no longer feel anything from nicotine, but I paradoxically smoke more just out of sheer boredom.

 

Someone please tell me this is normal and that there’s a chance that I’ll be an actual human being again at some point.

[Nic123]

On 8/22/2021 at 3:08 AM, GeoJeep said:

Has anyone developed anhedonia/emotional anesthesia after a few months of being off meds?

 

I’ve had muffled emotions ever since my adverse reaction back in December, which I attributed to the DP/DR. The DP/DR has mostly remitted, but, in its place, I have transitioned to full blown anhedonia over the past few weeks.

 

A few months ago, despite my emotions being blunted, I was still able to cry, feel pleasure, had sexual urges, etc… Now I’m just completely blank. No emotions or desires whatsoever. My grandfather passed, and it didn’t even phase me. Even the simplest of pleasures do absolutely nothing for me now. I no longer feel anything from nicotine, but I paradoxically smoke more just out of sheer boredom.

 

Someone please tell me this is normal and that there’s a chance that I’ll be an actual human being again at some point.

 

 

Hey, Just know you arent alone. Im going thought exactly the same thing. I'm now 8ish months off lexapro and "mind numbness" continues everyday. At one stage the anhedonia was so bad i was just staring at a wall completely blank inside. Although i still feel blank to a degree its not as bad as it was before. But i still just want to "feel" again. I dont really have emotions anymore, stress is probably the only thing i can slightly feel as a physical sensation.

[Kat66]

On 1/13/2013 at 8:16 PM, Altostrata said:

I had intense free-floating anxiety.

What is free floating anxiety, that sounds horrible?

[Kat66]

On 8/21/2021 at 6:08 PM, GeoJeep said:

Has anyone developed anhedonia/emotional anesthesia after a few months of being off meds?

 

I’ve had muffled emotions ever since my adverse reaction back in December, which I attributed to the DP/DR. The DP/DR has mostly remitted, but, in its place, I have transitioned to full blown anhedonia over the past few weeks.

 

A few months ago, despite my emotions being blunted, I was still able to cry, feel pleasure, had sexual urges, etc… Now I’m just completely blank. No emotions or desires whatsoever. My grandfather passed, and it didn’t even phase me. Even the simplest of pleasures do absolutely nothing for me now. I no longer feel anything from nicotine, but I paradoxically smoke more just out of sheer boredom.

 

Someone please tell me this is normal and that there’s a chance that I’ll be an actual human being again at some point.

Just wanted to echo what Nic123 said and reassure you you're not alone. I've been gradually getting worse emotional anesthesia since I dropped from 20mg to 10mg citalopram in January this year and went off completely in June. I don't feel anything for anything or anyone. I guess we just have to do the best we can to get through it and trust that we will heal eventually.

[Kat66]

On 1/15/2020 at 10:10 PM, Snorky said:

I wish someone would comment on my species of anhedonia, particularly the agitation type mental tightness that prevents watching, listening and reading etc.

 

I’ve called it out as mental akathasia and keep waiting for it to become full blown paving around etc.

 

Thank you

I believe I suffer with this. I cant settle to anything and even if I can settle for 10-15 minutes to a task, I get no enjoyment from it. I think I can somewhat relate to the mental tightness analogy too. I find it hard to listen to anything other than the most relaxing ambient soundscapes and anything else is too overstimulating. I can watch TV but only if it's something easy like soaps or old favourites. Reading I can only manage for a few minutes before I get bored and have to move onto something else.....

[Kat66]

On 4/2/2020 at 11:53 PM, gardenlady said:

My emotional anesthesia, anhedonia, fear, dread, doom continue to worsen the longer my slow taper goes on.  I am completely passive and mute with nothing to say to anyone.  I also am ashamed to admit that I have no love or compassion for anyone or anything and it's really scary and getting worse.  Just existing to get through each day alive is my one goal.  I'm unable to even hope.  Has anyone else felt like this and recovered? 

I can totally relate to this @gardenlady as this is basically my life at the moment. You're not alone. How are you at the moment?

[lfran]

@Nic123 @GeoJeep I really relate to everything you say about losing your sociability, ability to communicate, and feeling emotions in general… only piece of advice I can give is that the numbness seems to lift eventually… try not to see it as permanent. Within my waves I seem to have both waves of negative emotions and waves of numbness. I think the brain shuts down to protect itself from the pain at times. I will have periods where I cry and feel difficult emotions, followed by periods of numbness/irritability, and it’s easy to feel like I’ll be stuck in numbness forever in those moments. Eventually I’ll notice myself crying to a song on the radio or scene in a movie, etc. and even though they aren’t pleasant emotions, I feel relief that I’m feeling something again. I think the “good” emotions will come as the brain figures out its serotonin production/use again.