Kat66 Posted November 17, 2021 Share Posted November 17, 2021 @Jnthnslo @Nic123 just wanted to say, I'm thinking about you. Emotional anesthesia is so powerful. You simply cannot just will it away, if only. I think I will read Alto's intro topic, there may be some hope there for us suffering it. Sending healing thoughts x History of depression and anxiety. Symptoms of PTSD. 1998-1999 Venlafaxine 2006-2007 Prozac.2013-15 Sertraline 50mg. 2015 cross-tapered to citalopram 20mg. 2015-2021 Citalopram 20mg (brief increase to 30mg for 2/3 months in 2019. 01/2021 Dropped from 20mg to 10mg, back up to 20mg til June. 25/6/21 stopped CT. Started 50mg 5htp after a week without citalopram in the hope this would balance out my serotonin levels. After 3 days increased to 100mg 5htp. 11/7/21 Stopped 5htp with the intention of reinstating citalopram at 1mg. 16/7/21 Reinstated cit at 1mg. 2/8/21 Increased dose to 2mg. 28/11/21 10% reduction to 1.8mg. 8/12/21 2mg 6/1/22 1.8mg 10/2/22 1.6mg 13/5/22 1.5mg 4/6/22 1.55mg 4/7/22 1.4mg 4/8/22 1.25mg 1/11/22 1.1mg 3/3/23 1mg 18/4/23 0.9mg 2/6/23 0.8mg 4/10/23 0.7mg 11/11/23 jumped off @0.7mg started on 5htp 200mg -400mg, L-Theanine, and L-tyrosine 200mg. 25/11/23 came off 5-htp, l-tyrosine and l-Theanine. 24/12/23 went on 7.5mg mirtazapine. 27/12/23 stopped mirtazapine & reinstated citalopram @.35mg. 1/1/24 increased to 0.5mg. PTSD diagnosis October 2023. 11/11/23 started EMDR therapy for PTSD. Multiple unsuccessful attempts to taper off citalopram. Vegan, otherwise healthy lifestyle. Other medications; tapering off combined HRT. Other supplements; magnesium glycinate, vegan omega3. Completely OFF caffeine (since July 21). Finding it difficult to completely give up alcohol but haven’t had any since 25/12/23. Main symptoms; crushing depression, anhedonia/emotional anesthesia, irritability, rage, anxiety/fear, intrusive thoughts, cognitive fog, inability to focus, restlessness and some insomnia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Emeritus ChessieCat Posted November 18, 2021 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted November 18, 2021 2 hours ago, EmptyVessle said: Is altostrata the only one who recovered from that? Its kinda scary that she is the only one. Altostrata is NOT the only one. She is the only one that I MENTIONED. A huge difference. Have you read the Success Stories? There would be many members who have recovered after experiencing the symptoms of this topic. These links are from searches in the Success Story forum for mentions of: anhedonia: https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/search/?q=anhedonia&quick=1&type=forums_topic&nodes=28 apathy: https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/search/?q=apathy&quick=1&type=forums_topic&nodes=28 * NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA * MISSION ACCOMPLISHED: (6 year taper) 0mg Pristiq on 13th November 2021 ADs since ~1992: 25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq: 50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity) Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021 LAST DOSE 0.0025mg Post 0 updates start here My tapering program My Intro (goes to tapering graph) VIDEO: Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatOneGirlStitch Posted November 18, 2021 Share Posted November 18, 2021 How do you cope with this? How do you cope with anything without emotions? How do you cope without having them? I wake and fall asleep next to my partner, wishing more than anything I could feel the love I know I have for them. If I could only have that. They are right there. I can touch them. I can see them. But god, I can not feel them. It's cruel. I need to know how can you cope? Current: Bupropion 450mg, Neurontin 800mg, Klonopin 0.5mg History: July 2020: started Cogentin 1mg, Lamictal 50mg, Zoloft 150mg, Zyprexa 5mg (+5mg as needed), Klonopin 0.5mg November 2020: stopped all meds cold-turkey February 2021: started Latuda 60mg, Lithium 300mg, Melatonin 5mg, Protonix 40mg, Topamax 25mg 2 weeks later: stopped Topamax, increased Lithium 900mg, started Klonopin 1mg, Lexapro 20mg, Neurontin 400mg April 2021: started Bupropion 150mg, Revia ?mg May 2021: stopped Revia, Protonix, Lexapro, increased Neurontin 800mg, started Celexa 10mg August 2021: decreased Celexa 5mg (stopped Celexa 2 weeks later), increased Bupropion 300mg September 2021: increased Latuda 80mg October 2021: decreased Lithium 600mg for 4 days, Lithium 300mg for 4 days, stopped Lithium, Latuda, increased Bupropion 450mg, started Remeron 15mg, decreased Remeron 7.5mg, stopped Remeron Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jnthnslo Posted November 18, 2021 Share Posted November 18, 2021 2 hours ago, ThatOneGirlStitch said: How do you cope with this? How do you cope with anything without emotions? How do you cope without having them? I wake and fall asleep next to my partner, wishing more than anything I could feel the love I know I have for them. If I could only have that. They are right there. I can touch them. I can see them. But god, I can not feel them. It's cruel. I need to know how can you cope? I know what you mean by this. I've also experiencing similar issues with my partner, not being able to feel emotion with them around. It is extremely difficult and frustrating. Although I know nothing is going to replace that same feeling as before at the current moment, there are things that have helped me feel at least something. I've relied more on appreciating physical sensations. For example, I'll try to get the room as cold as possible at night and sleep next to them to keep warm. Even though I can't feel emotional in their presence, I can physically feel and appreciate their warmth. Regarding my relationship. Although I cannot feel much emotion right now I logically realize that my partner still can. This gives me the opportunity to spoil them without needing much in return. I can do things to make them happy like cook, hold them, and just extra stuff. No, it isn't giving me that warm fuzzy feeling back but rationally I know I want my partner to be happy and I am able to do things that make them feel good. Remember that even though you can't feel much emotion right now you can still impact others and make them feel good. It's easy to feel a quite jealous by this fact but I also find it an important lesson. Acts of giving even though you don't get much reward. I've been applying this to other things outside of my relationship to help me cope with my emotion anesthesia. I'll take a hot shower, stand outside in the freezing cold without warm clothes, hold something that vibrates. Use essential oils, listen to music, run around and get my heart pumping just so I can feel it. Anything I can to stimulate my senses outside of my emotions. Granted these are no replacement but they help with that completely blanked mind. At least you are experiencing something. Another thing that helps is that I've noticed I'm still able to get shocked/scared. I've been watching a lot of scary movies with jump scare scenes. It's hard to get into it emotionally but when someone pops out from nowhere I can still get that jolt of fear. Honestly that's the closest thing I've had to anything like an intense emotion. I've read that the neurochemicals involved with being scared like this are different than those involved in emotion so some of us are still able to get this rush even without much emotion. I try to keep doing things I enjoyed in the past even if I don't feel much. For example, I'm still able to appreciate learning new things without feeling much about it. Tap into your rational side and think about your relationship from a logical perspective thats outside of the emotional. I know getting into learning is hard right now too. Many of us (including myself) are experiencing memory issues along with emotional. My memory, cognitive skills, and focus are in awful shape but I keep pushing myself to remember things using flashcards. Although it is frustrating, the more I do it the better my memory is improving. This is probably the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. I am scared, go through periods of being hopeless and want to give up. Like everyone else I am holding onto the fact that it absolutely does get better even if it takes a long time. I'm trying to use other things besides emotions to appreciate life until the eventual return. Feel, touch, listen, smell, observe, think as much as possible. 1 Pristiq 25 mg - Oct 9 2021 Pristiq 25 mg - Oct 8 2021 Pristiq 25 mg - Oct 7 2021 Pristiq 25 mg - Oct 6 2021 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nic123 Posted November 20, 2021 Share Posted November 20, 2021 Does anyone have issues with feeling blank in their head all the time? its kind of indescribable but i always just have this nothingness in my head, no free flowing thoughts, feelings, connections to things etc, driving forces, images etc. I cant say its 100% blank as i can still think in a way and obviously type this out but its entirely different, like i can partially use maybe 10% of my brain, its especially bad in my very numb states. It happened about 2-3 months after getting off escitalopram but i noticed the "quiet mind/cessation of thoughts" about 2-3 weeks into lexapro and its stayed ever since. Its been a while now and I've tried just to get used to it but its still an absolute mystery what triggered it exactly and why I remained like this and guessing permanently it will be. is it a symptom of emotional numbness/depression? or something like a type of brain damage from the SSRI's. I cognitively just dont feel "here" anymore, like I've partially died and my brain carries on without me, i feel like i talk without sound and see without vision. For reference last year before all of this i was riddled with anxiety and my head was always racing with thoughts and emotions. Its a complete shift of identity to say the least. 2014 Duloxetine, took for a couple of weeks and stopped was aged 17 at the time CT brain zaps etc. 2017 Lexapro 5mg, hard to remember but i took this for a couple months ago for social anxiety. Stopped CT, brain zaps etc. 2020 oct-dec, Escitalopram, 5mg took for a total of 2.7 months including taper, tapered for a couple weeks. still not right. Emotional blunting, brain fog, anhedonia, PSSD, blank mind, cognitive issues. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sacredohana Posted November 20, 2021 Share Posted November 20, 2021 @Nic123 42 minutes ago, Nic123 said: i feel like i talk without sound and see without vision. YES! beautifully described. I relate in part to your experience. My thoughts continue to race very much as a negative commentary on my past and current but the blankness is there in terms of my personality. I feel like this bland slate of blur with nothing much to say or contribute. It’s like my whole identity has turned to mush. I find stringing sentences together hard and having an intelligent conversation with cohesive argument - forget it! I just say banal things. Writing a text to a friend is sometimes impossible - I get half way through and kind of lose the will to continue. Writing this is hard. Anything that demands an ounce of inspiration or creativity. It’s like I have become a primitive life form. I’m six months out of a too fast taper of Pristiq and still on Seroquel so not sure whether the withdrawal or the anti-psychotic is to blame. Maybe both. The work is to be patient and loving to myself through this. I tend to be the opposite - impatient, frustrated and judgemental, self-recriminating making matters 100% worse. I’m grieving for the vital human I used to be. The one who can laugh and be smart and make others feel good. It does feel like life is passing me by and I have become a bystander watching everyone else move on with theirs doing creative wonderful things while I get left behind. I wish for us all to start feeling all the joyous feels and to recover our senses in every meaning of that. In the meantime it’s so good to relate and know that it’s not just me. 1990 - 2004 citalopram 2010 lexapro 2016 DIY taper off lexapro 2016 Pristiq Oct 2020 - Jan 2021 DIY taper off Pristiq 100mg to 25mg Feb 2021 Pristiq 100mg + Seroquel 100mg March 2021 began taper of Pristiq to 0mg 06/21 June 2021 Seroquel taper 25mg at a time 4th Aug - 18th Aug 15mg of Mirtazapine - Came straight off. August 2021 50mg Seroquel 1st Oct 2021 - tried a reinstatement dose at 2mg of effexor became highly anxious. Will not continue. 21st Nov 2021 - 25mg XR Seroquel 24th Dec 2021 switch to straight Quertiapine (not extended release) 01/01/22 - 22mg Probiotic, Vit C, Zinc, Magnesium & Fish Oil Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kat66 Posted November 20, 2021 Share Posted November 20, 2021 1 hour ago, Nic123 said: Does anyone have issues with feeling blank in their head all the time? its kind of indescribable but i always just have this nothingness in my head, no free flowing thoughts, feelings, connections to things etc, driving forces, images etc. I cant say its 100% blank as i can still think in a way and obviously type this out but its entirely different, like i can partially use maybe 10% of my brain, its especially bad in my very numb states. It happened about 2-3 months after getting off escitalopram but i noticed the "quiet mind/cessation of thoughts" about 2-3 weeks into lexapro and its stayed ever since. Its been a while now and I've tried just to get used to it but its still an absolute mystery what triggered it exactly and why I remained like this and guessing permanently it will be. is it a symptom of emotional numbness/depression? or something like a type of brain damage from the SSRI's. I cognitively just dont feel "here" anymore, like I've partially died and my brain carries on without me, i feel like i talk without sound and see without vision. For reference last year before all of this i was riddled with anxiety and my head was always racing with thoughts and emotions. Its a complete shift of identity to say the least. @Nic123Yes absolutely. My racing thoughts have been replaced by nothingness, blankness and while I still get anxiety it’s not quite the same. It’s like my brain has ‘given up’. I can totally relate to everything you’ve said too @sacredohana in relation to this ‘stasis’ state of being. History of depression and anxiety. Symptoms of PTSD. 1998-1999 Venlafaxine 2006-2007 Prozac.2013-15 Sertraline 50mg. 2015 cross-tapered to citalopram 20mg. 2015-2021 Citalopram 20mg (brief increase to 30mg for 2/3 months in 2019. 01/2021 Dropped from 20mg to 10mg, back up to 20mg til June. 25/6/21 stopped CT. Started 50mg 5htp after a week without citalopram in the hope this would balance out my serotonin levels. After 3 days increased to 100mg 5htp. 11/7/21 Stopped 5htp with the intention of reinstating citalopram at 1mg. 16/7/21 Reinstated cit at 1mg. 2/8/21 Increased dose to 2mg. 28/11/21 10% reduction to 1.8mg. 8/12/21 2mg 6/1/22 1.8mg 10/2/22 1.6mg 13/5/22 1.5mg 4/6/22 1.55mg 4/7/22 1.4mg 4/8/22 1.25mg 1/11/22 1.1mg 3/3/23 1mg 18/4/23 0.9mg 2/6/23 0.8mg 4/10/23 0.7mg 11/11/23 jumped off @0.7mg started on 5htp 200mg -400mg, L-Theanine, and L-tyrosine 200mg. 25/11/23 came off 5-htp, l-tyrosine and l-Theanine. 24/12/23 went on 7.5mg mirtazapine. 27/12/23 stopped mirtazapine & reinstated citalopram @.35mg. 1/1/24 increased to 0.5mg. PTSD diagnosis October 2023. 11/11/23 started EMDR therapy for PTSD. Multiple unsuccessful attempts to taper off citalopram. Vegan, otherwise healthy lifestyle. Other medications; tapering off combined HRT. Other supplements; magnesium glycinate, vegan omega3. Completely OFF caffeine (since July 21). Finding it difficult to completely give up alcohol but haven’t had any since 25/12/23. Main symptoms; crushing depression, anhedonia/emotional anesthesia, irritability, rage, anxiety/fear, intrusive thoughts, cognitive fog, inability to focus, restlessness and some insomnia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee7 Posted November 20, 2021 Share Posted November 20, 2021 @Nic123 completely the same - previously anxiety and racing thoughts, now total 'blankness' and all the symptoms you describe, like going from a 9 to a 1 in terms of feelings. Dec 2018 - Jan 2019 15mg Mirtazapine (4 Weeks) Jan 2019 - Feb 2019 7.5mg (2 Weeks) (as instructed by doctor) Feb 2019 - STOPPED Mirtazapine May 2019 - Sertraline -25mg / June-50mg / July-75mg / August-100mg / September-75mg / Mid-September-50mg / October-25mg (as instructed by doctor) November 2019 - STOPPED Sertraline November 2021 - Low-dose reinstatement Mirtazapine 0.75mg (wk1) / 1mg (wk2) / 2mg (wk3) / 2.5 (4 days) / 2.0 (3 days) / 1.5mg (3 days) December 2021 - Low-dose reinstatement (continued) Mirtazapine 2.5mg (1 day) 3mg (16 days) 3.5 mg (7 days) 4mg (3 days) 3.75mg (3 days) January 2022 - Low-dose reinstatement 3.5mg (1st-6th) 7.5mg (7th - 13th) 3.5mg (14th - present) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilly998 Posted November 20, 2021 Share Posted November 20, 2021 @Dee7 Hello, I'd like to ask if u got better after reinstating mirtazapine ..my story is a little bit similar to u in terms of the duration I took the drugs for and the way of tapering but I took diff drugs ?! Also was it easy for to decide to reinstant after u suffered for a year in the WD as I also suffer from 8 months till now in WD and i can't imagine returning back to those drugs Sep 2019 Escitalopram 5 mg Mar 2020 Escitalopram 40mg May 2020 Escitalopram 35 mg+25mg Clompiramine Sep 2020 Escitalopram 20mg +25mg Clompiramine Dec 2020 Escitalopram 15mg+ 25 mg Clompiramine Jan 2021 Escitalopram 10 mg + 25 mgClompiramine Feb 2021 Escitalopram 5mg +25 mgClompiramine Mar 2021 50 mg Clompiramine for few days Mar 2021 25 mg Clompiramine Apr 2021 0 mg Clompiramine " this step without consulting the Dr" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee7 Posted November 20, 2021 Share Posted November 20, 2021 Hi @Lilly998 it wasn't such a difficult decision because a) I don't really see it as a full reinstatement, it is just a 3-4 week experiment with a tiny, tiny dose and b) my symptoms after two years had become intolerable So far it hasn't made much difference good or bad so it doesn't feel like its been a huge risk (I don't have lots of new symptoms). The problem with my situation is that I have PSSD from the second drug I was given and the reinstatement of Mirtazapine is unlikely to effect that anyway, so there no easy fix for my situation. Maybe if you select the drug that first gave you symptoms then a low-dose reinstatement might help you? Hope you work it out, sorry to hear about your situation. Dec 2018 - Jan 2019 15mg Mirtazapine (4 Weeks) Jan 2019 - Feb 2019 7.5mg (2 Weeks) (as instructed by doctor) Feb 2019 - STOPPED Mirtazapine May 2019 - Sertraline -25mg / June-50mg / July-75mg / August-100mg / September-75mg / Mid-September-50mg / October-25mg (as instructed by doctor) November 2019 - STOPPED Sertraline November 2021 - Low-dose reinstatement Mirtazapine 0.75mg (wk1) / 1mg (wk2) / 2mg (wk3) / 2.5 (4 days) / 2.0 (3 days) / 1.5mg (3 days) December 2021 - Low-dose reinstatement (continued) Mirtazapine 2.5mg (1 day) 3mg (16 days) 3.5 mg (7 days) 4mg (3 days) 3.75mg (3 days) January 2022 - Low-dose reinstatement 3.5mg (1st-6th) 7.5mg (7th - 13th) 3.5mg (14th - present) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatOneGirlStitch Posted November 21, 2021 Share Posted November 21, 2021 @jnthnslo Sorry it took me so long to respond. I am mostly homebound due to very low stress tolerance. It also makes it hard to post. So I do so in spurts. I want to thank you for your long in depth answer. I know it won't fix my problem. But God, I need something to hang on to. And you gave me something, even with the low motivation that comes with anhedonia, you wrote me everything you knew to live with this. I know that hope doesn't last forever and I have to keep searching for it, but thank you for giving me what knowledge you have. Quote This is probably the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. I am scared, go through periods of being hopeless and want to give up. God, that is so true. On 11/18/2021 at 2:16 PM, Jnthnslo said: Feel, touch, listen, smell, observe, think as much as possible. Think as much as possible? I'm not sure what you mean by that. I try not to think. I have little to think about as little holds my interest. So my thought go sour. Can you help explain more? I would like to think without feeling sad. On 11/18/2021 at 2:16 PM, Jnthnslo said: I try to keep doing things I enjoyed in the past even if I don't feel much. For example, I'm still able to appreciate learning new things without feeling much about it. Is it hard to push through an activity? Do you do so anyway? Is it keeping your mind busy with reading? Thank you again for your response. I feel so lucky as to have gotten that. Current: Bupropion 450mg, Neurontin 800mg, Klonopin 0.5mg History: July 2020: started Cogentin 1mg, Lamictal 50mg, Zoloft 150mg, Zyprexa 5mg (+5mg as needed), Klonopin 0.5mg November 2020: stopped all meds cold-turkey February 2021: started Latuda 60mg, Lithium 300mg, Melatonin 5mg, Protonix 40mg, Topamax 25mg 2 weeks later: stopped Topamax, increased Lithium 900mg, started Klonopin 1mg, Lexapro 20mg, Neurontin 400mg April 2021: started Bupropion 150mg, Revia ?mg May 2021: stopped Revia, Protonix, Lexapro, increased Neurontin 800mg, started Celexa 10mg August 2021: decreased Celexa 5mg (stopped Celexa 2 weeks later), increased Bupropion 300mg September 2021: increased Latuda 80mg October 2021: decreased Lithium 600mg for 4 days, Lithium 300mg for 4 days, stopped Lithium, Latuda, increased Bupropion 450mg, started Remeron 15mg, decreased Remeron 7.5mg, stopped Remeron Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nic123 Posted November 21, 2021 Share Posted November 21, 2021 14 hours ago, Kat66 said: Yes absolutely. My racing thoughts have been replaced by nothingness, blankness and while I still get anxiety it’s not quite the same. 11 hours ago, Dee7 said: ompletely the same - previously anxiety and racing thoughts, now total 'blankness' and all the symptoms you describe Okay, so sorry you guys are dealing with the same its absolutely horrible, but at least i dont feel so alone in this, i really thought i was the only one like this and i had some type of brain injury. As i tried telling my family and they just couldnt understand how my head could be empty 24/7 2014 Duloxetine, took for a couple of weeks and stopped was aged 17 at the time CT brain zaps etc. 2017 Lexapro 5mg, hard to remember but i took this for a couple months ago for social anxiety. Stopped CT, brain zaps etc. 2020 oct-dec, Escitalopram, 5mg took for a total of 2.7 months including taper, tapered for a couple weeks. still not right. Emotional blunting, brain fog, anhedonia, PSSD, blank mind, cognitive issues. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatOneGirlStitch Posted November 21, 2021 Share Posted November 21, 2021 (edited) @Jnthnslo (Member didn't tag correctly in their post) Please see post: Edited November 21, 2021 by ChessieCat added quote and note Current: Bupropion 450mg, Neurontin 800mg, Klonopin 0.5mg History: July 2020: started Cogentin 1mg, Lamictal 50mg, Zoloft 150mg, Zyprexa 5mg (+5mg as needed), Klonopin 0.5mg November 2020: stopped all meds cold-turkey February 2021: started Latuda 60mg, Lithium 300mg, Melatonin 5mg, Protonix 40mg, Topamax 25mg 2 weeks later: stopped Topamax, increased Lithium 900mg, started Klonopin 1mg, Lexapro 20mg, Neurontin 400mg April 2021: started Bupropion 150mg, Revia ?mg May 2021: stopped Revia, Protonix, Lexapro, increased Neurontin 800mg, started Celexa 10mg August 2021: decreased Celexa 5mg (stopped Celexa 2 weeks later), increased Bupropion 300mg September 2021: increased Latuda 80mg October 2021: decreased Lithium 600mg for 4 days, Lithium 300mg for 4 days, stopped Lithium, Latuda, increased Bupropion 450mg, started Remeron 15mg, decreased Remeron 7.5mg, stopped Remeron Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
julesb Posted November 21, 2021 Share Posted November 21, 2021 everything you guys are going through is going through the same @Nic123 zoloft 50-100 mg 2012-2020 Reinstated zoloft 50mg for 2 months 2021 and switched back to Lexapro 10mg Reinstated 10mg 2021 later that year July-september 2021 Reinstated after 4 week withdrawal for 4 days plus lamictal 5mg october 16th Wellbutrin 100mg for 2 days November 2021 Currently on nothing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nic123 Posted November 22, 2021 Share Posted November 22, 2021 How do you guys remain functional? The worst part for me is there is nothing I desire or want to do during the day, before all this I was always a highly motivated/energetic person and used to be able visualise myself doing something and “feeling” the emotion of doing it. At least before I could go walk in a park and I would be thinking about things to myself and at least feeling enjoyment. I’m completely unable to do that now and the chemical required for desire/passion/motivation is just gone completely. I also used to get guilty for being inside on a nice sunny day or just sitting around now I just couldn’t care less I wish I had some level of natural anxiety still, even fear doesn’t motivate me anymore I could be going homeless and I won’t do a thing about it. I just think it’s literally not possible do live a life like this if it’s the case. 2014 Duloxetine, took for a couple of weeks and stopped was aged 17 at the time CT brain zaps etc. 2017 Lexapro 5mg, hard to remember but i took this for a couple months ago for social anxiety. Stopped CT, brain zaps etc. 2020 oct-dec, Escitalopram, 5mg took for a total of 2.7 months including taper, tapered for a couple weeks. still not right. Emotional blunting, brain fog, anhedonia, PSSD, blank mind, cognitive issues. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JesusSavemefromWD Posted November 22, 2021 Share Posted November 22, 2021 52 minutes ago, Nic123 said: How do you guys remain functional? The worst part for me is there is nothing I desire or want to do during the day, before all this I was always a highly motivated/energetic person and used to be able visualise myself doing something and “feeling” the emotion of doing it. At least before I could go walk in a park and I would be thinking about things to myself and at least feeling enjoyment. I’m completely unable to do that now and the chemical required for desire/passion/motivation is just gone completely. I also used to get guilty for being inside on a nice sunny day or just sitting around now I just couldn’t care less I wish I had some level of natural anxiety still, even fear doesn’t motivate me anymore I could be going homeless and I won’t do a thing about it. I just think it’s literally not possible do live a life like this if it’s the case. It’s horrible indeed, I live the day in fear and DP and no desire to do anything….. just looking forward to sleep time every night just to get relief for few hours. A relief u don’t really “enjoy” cause ur sleeping…. All these from drugs that are supposed to lift ur mood and make u happy. Horrible chemical murder ….. and those docs prescribing them like candies are out there enjoying their life Aug. 16-17, 2020, cipralex: went CRAZY! Recovered in 24hrs Aug.28,2020; 3.5 weeks 25mg sertraline/4.5 weeks taper Oct. 25: Last dose (4mg) Symptoms while on zoloft DPDR/out of my body/soul despair/feeling dead; tinnitus/no appetite; fear, anxiety/panics 4 months OFF: soul despair, anxiety/fear, brain disconnection/ DPDR, brain feels swollen-numb/crazy/bedridden barely functioning, tinnitus, eye lid twitches; face spasms. Feeling slightly better after 10pm. - sleep & appetite are fine 9 months OFF: hell, no windows, same symptoms as above (only eye and face twitches have stopped) plus intense arm/shoulder pain and visual issues. Tinnitus replaced by head buzzing. 10 months-1 year: all above plus Insomnia (out of nowhere), depression, no peace of mind (mental Akathisia); 2.5mg melatonin 14months off: sleep resumed. All rest symptoms remain. Bedridden vegetable all day. DP is relentless. 1.5 years off: still severely disabled, not much changed except some improvement in vision. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nic123 Posted November 22, 2021 Share Posted November 22, 2021 I get so low and depressed when I read other stories to, the subreddit anhedonia is extremely depressing, I just read a story of someone suffering for 7 years after 3 weeks on escitalpra. From what I’ve gatherered the majority heal in 0-3 years but seems some have it permanently. i still don’t understand why after I stopped lexapro in 2017 I quickly returned back to normal but after the most recent time on escitalpram it was different and 1 year later still struggling Is lexapro/escitalpram different? 2014 Duloxetine, took for a couple of weeks and stopped was aged 17 at the time CT brain zaps etc. 2017 Lexapro 5mg, hard to remember but i took this for a couple months ago for social anxiety. Stopped CT, brain zaps etc. 2020 oct-dec, Escitalopram, 5mg took for a total of 2.7 months including taper, tapered for a couple weeks. still not right. Emotional blunting, brain fog, anhedonia, PSSD, blank mind, cognitive issues. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JesusSavemefromWD Posted November 22, 2021 Share Posted November 22, 2021 4 minutes ago, Nic123 said: I get so low and depressed when I read other stories to, the subreddit anhedonia is extremely depressing, I just read a story of someone suffering for 7 years after 3 weeks on escitalpra. From what I’ve gatherered the majority heal in 0-3 years but seems some have it permanently I try to convince myself it was only 3.5 weeks on an AD and that I will heal but it seems like for some people few weeks are enough for prolonged suffering…..and no one believes these people suffering so many years out…. let’s hope and pray we belong to the 0-3 years healing category…. Aug. 16-17, 2020, cipralex: went CRAZY! Recovered in 24hrs Aug.28,2020; 3.5 weeks 25mg sertraline/4.5 weeks taper Oct. 25: Last dose (4mg) Symptoms while on zoloft DPDR/out of my body/soul despair/feeling dead; tinnitus/no appetite; fear, anxiety/panics 4 months OFF: soul despair, anxiety/fear, brain disconnection/ DPDR, brain feels swollen-numb/crazy/bedridden barely functioning, tinnitus, eye lid twitches; face spasms. Feeling slightly better after 10pm. - sleep & appetite are fine 9 months OFF: hell, no windows, same symptoms as above (only eye and face twitches have stopped) plus intense arm/shoulder pain and visual issues. Tinnitus replaced by head buzzing. 10 months-1 year: all above plus Insomnia (out of nowhere), depression, no peace of mind (mental Akathisia); 2.5mg melatonin 14months off: sleep resumed. All rest symptoms remain. Bedridden vegetable all day. DP is relentless. 1.5 years off: still severely disabled, not much changed except some improvement in vision. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nic123 Posted November 22, 2021 Share Posted November 22, 2021 15 minutes ago, JesusSavemefromWD said: let’s hope and pray we belong to the 0-3 years healing category…. I really do hope so, I’m starting to dislike talking to my family now, even talking has become exhausting for me. So how do I know this isn’t just depression as well. Very confusing 2014 Duloxetine, took for a couple of weeks and stopped was aged 17 at the time CT brain zaps etc. 2017 Lexapro 5mg, hard to remember but i took this for a couple months ago for social anxiety. Stopped CT, brain zaps etc. 2020 oct-dec, Escitalopram, 5mg took for a total of 2.7 months including taper, tapered for a couple weeks. still not right. Emotional blunting, brain fog, anhedonia, PSSD, blank mind, cognitive issues. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JesusSavemefromWD Posted November 22, 2021 Share Posted November 22, 2021 9 minutes ago, Nic123 said: I really do hope so, I’m starting to dislike talking to my family now, even talking has become exhausting for me. So how do I know this isn’t just depression as well. Very confusing I feel the same, don’t want to talk to anyone. Although for me if the constant DP/chemical terror was lifting I would be able to take the anhedonia and kind of function. My DP is so severe that makes every other symptom seem minor (although it’s not). But if so many others have healed, why shouldn’t we? Aug. 16-17, 2020, cipralex: went CRAZY! Recovered in 24hrs Aug.28,2020; 3.5 weeks 25mg sertraline/4.5 weeks taper Oct. 25: Last dose (4mg) Symptoms while on zoloft DPDR/out of my body/soul despair/feeling dead; tinnitus/no appetite; fear, anxiety/panics 4 months OFF: soul despair, anxiety/fear, brain disconnection/ DPDR, brain feels swollen-numb/crazy/bedridden barely functioning, tinnitus, eye lid twitches; face spasms. Feeling slightly better after 10pm. - sleep & appetite are fine 9 months OFF: hell, no windows, same symptoms as above (only eye and face twitches have stopped) plus intense arm/shoulder pain and visual issues. Tinnitus replaced by head buzzing. 10 months-1 year: all above plus Insomnia (out of nowhere), depression, no peace of mind (mental Akathisia); 2.5mg melatonin 14months off: sleep resumed. All rest symptoms remain. Bedridden vegetable all day. DP is relentless. 1.5 years off: still severely disabled, not much changed except some improvement in vision. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jnthnslo Posted November 22, 2021 Share Posted November 22, 2021 9 hours ago, JesusSavemefromWD said: I try to convince myself it was only 3.5 weeks on an AD and that I will heal but it seems like for some people few weeks are enough for prolonged suffering…..and no one believes these people suffering so many years out…. let’s hope and pray we belong to the 0-3 years healing category…. I'm starting to feel like how long you were on an AD has little to do with recovery time. I was on an low dose for 4 days and I'm in the same boat as everyone else. The first month I was dealing with the emotional anesthesia, headaches, and insomnia but I was still functioning enough to go to my job and work abet not functioning as well because my memory was shot. I still had motivation to push myself. About a week ago I started waking up each morning with such lack of motivation. Like my brain is telling me why get up. It honestly is such an effort just to wake up. It's just a chemical feeling too, the lack of motivation, like there is nothing there. Once I am up it's a little easier. I head straight to the treadmill & exercise for an hour. I can't stress how hard it is to push myself to get there but it does help a little to get my going some. Overall, I continue to be so scared. About 2 months in it feels like I'm getting worse. This morning I was able go cry for a significant amount which hasn't happened since the emotional anesthesia. Maybe that's I sign I'm not 100% gone. One thing helping me is that I've been searching the site writing down quotes from people who recovered in a notebook. Each time I think I'm at my breaking point I read them. It gives me that little bit of hope to hold on. 1 Pristiq 25 mg - Oct 9 2021 Pristiq 25 mg - Oct 8 2021 Pristiq 25 mg - Oct 7 2021 Pristiq 25 mg - Oct 6 2021 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JesusSavemefromWD Posted November 22, 2021 Share Posted November 22, 2021 50 minutes ago, Jnthnslo said: I'm starting to feel like how long you were on an AD has little to do with recovery time. I was on an low dose for 4 days and I'm in the same boat as everyone else. The first month I was dealing with the emotional anesthesia, headaches, and insomnia but I was still functioning enough to go to my job and work abet not functioning as well because my memory was shot. I still had motivation to push myself. About a week ago I started waking up each morning with such lack of motivation. Like my brain is telling me why get up. It honestly is such an effort just to wake up. It's just a chemical feeling too, the lack of motivation, like there is nothing there. Once I am up it's a little easier. I head straight to the treadmill & exercise for an hour. I can't stress how hard it is to push myself to get there but it does help a little to get my going some. Overall, I continue to be so scared. About 2 months in it feels like I'm getting worse. This morning I was able go cry for a significant amount which hasn't happened since the emotional anesthesia. Maybe that's I sign I'm not 100% gone. One thing helping me is that I've been searching the site writing down quotes from people who recovered in a notebook. Each time I think I'm at my breaking point I read them. It gives me that little bit of hope to hold on. At least ur out of bed and u even manage to exercise a bit, and u don’t suffer from non stop chemical fear and depersonalization. I am pretty sure u will recover, it was very good u stopped so early. I am basically bedridden due to fear and DP. It’s been 13 months…. Kind of scary I am still like this Aug. 16-17, 2020, cipralex: went CRAZY! Recovered in 24hrs Aug.28,2020; 3.5 weeks 25mg sertraline/4.5 weeks taper Oct. 25: Last dose (4mg) Symptoms while on zoloft DPDR/out of my body/soul despair/feeling dead; tinnitus/no appetite; fear, anxiety/panics 4 months OFF: soul despair, anxiety/fear, brain disconnection/ DPDR, brain feels swollen-numb/crazy/bedridden barely functioning, tinnitus, eye lid twitches; face spasms. Feeling slightly better after 10pm. - sleep & appetite are fine 9 months OFF: hell, no windows, same symptoms as above (only eye and face twitches have stopped) plus intense arm/shoulder pain and visual issues. Tinnitus replaced by head buzzing. 10 months-1 year: all above plus Insomnia (out of nowhere), depression, no peace of mind (mental Akathisia); 2.5mg melatonin 14months off: sleep resumed. All rest symptoms remain. Bedridden vegetable all day. DP is relentless. 1.5 years off: still severely disabled, not much changed except some improvement in vision. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kat66 Posted November 22, 2021 Share Posted November 22, 2021 54 minutes ago, Jnthnslo said: One thing helping me is that I've been searching the site writing down quotes from people who recovered in a notebook. Each time I think I'm at my breaking point I read them. It gives me that little bit of hope to hold on. I am going to do that. I seriously need some hope right now. @Nic123 I am just hanging on to being functional. I still work, do housework, work out even. But none of it means anything. And like you and @JesusSavemefromWD I find I just can't be bothered/haven't the energy to talk to my husband, or for that matter, anyone. I'm glad I'm not alone in this regard as the not talking (especially to my husband) disturbs me somewhat. It's like the relationship is broken, but I guess it's all part of the emotional numbness. I find it incredibly depressing to think some people never heal from this state. The thought of going on like this forever is inconceivable. 1 History of depression and anxiety. Symptoms of PTSD. 1998-1999 Venlafaxine 2006-2007 Prozac.2013-15 Sertraline 50mg. 2015 cross-tapered to citalopram 20mg. 2015-2021 Citalopram 20mg (brief increase to 30mg for 2/3 months in 2019. 01/2021 Dropped from 20mg to 10mg, back up to 20mg til June. 25/6/21 stopped CT. Started 50mg 5htp after a week without citalopram in the hope this would balance out my serotonin levels. After 3 days increased to 100mg 5htp. 11/7/21 Stopped 5htp with the intention of reinstating citalopram at 1mg. 16/7/21 Reinstated cit at 1mg. 2/8/21 Increased dose to 2mg. 28/11/21 10% reduction to 1.8mg. 8/12/21 2mg 6/1/22 1.8mg 10/2/22 1.6mg 13/5/22 1.5mg 4/6/22 1.55mg 4/7/22 1.4mg 4/8/22 1.25mg 1/11/22 1.1mg 3/3/23 1mg 18/4/23 0.9mg 2/6/23 0.8mg 4/10/23 0.7mg 11/11/23 jumped off @0.7mg started on 5htp 200mg -400mg, L-Theanine, and L-tyrosine 200mg. 25/11/23 came off 5-htp, l-tyrosine and l-Theanine. 24/12/23 went on 7.5mg mirtazapine. 27/12/23 stopped mirtazapine & reinstated citalopram @.35mg. 1/1/24 increased to 0.5mg. PTSD diagnosis October 2023. 11/11/23 started EMDR therapy for PTSD. Multiple unsuccessful attempts to taper off citalopram. Vegan, otherwise healthy lifestyle. Other medications; tapering off combined HRT. Other supplements; magnesium glycinate, vegan omega3. Completely OFF caffeine (since July 21). Finding it difficult to completely give up alcohol but haven’t had any since 25/12/23. Main symptoms; crushing depression, anhedonia/emotional anesthesia, irritability, rage, anxiety/fear, intrusive thoughts, cognitive fog, inability to focus, restlessness and some insomnia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JesusSavemefromWD Posted November 22, 2021 Share Posted November 22, 2021 3 minutes ago, Kat66 said: I am going to do that. I seriously need some hope right now. @Nic123 I am just hanging on to being functional. I still work, do housework, work out even. But none of it means anything. And like you and @JesusSavemefromWD I find I just can't be bothered/haven't the energy to talk to my husband, or for that matter, anyone. I'm glad I'm not alone in this regard as the not talking (especially to my husband) disturbs me somewhat. It's like the relationship is broken, but I guess it's all part of the emotional numbness. I find it incredibly depressing to think some people never heal from this state. The thought of going on like this forever is inconceivable. I hear ur pain but please be glad u don’t suffer from non stop daily chemical terror and mental Akathisia…. That makes everything else much more unbearable…. Many people have healed, I hope we will not be an exception….. 1 Aug. 16-17, 2020, cipralex: went CRAZY! Recovered in 24hrs Aug.28,2020; 3.5 weeks 25mg sertraline/4.5 weeks taper Oct. 25: Last dose (4mg) Symptoms while on zoloft DPDR/out of my body/soul despair/feeling dead; tinnitus/no appetite; fear, anxiety/panics 4 months OFF: soul despair, anxiety/fear, brain disconnection/ DPDR, brain feels swollen-numb/crazy/bedridden barely functioning, tinnitus, eye lid twitches; face spasms. Feeling slightly better after 10pm. - sleep & appetite are fine 9 months OFF: hell, no windows, same symptoms as above (only eye and face twitches have stopped) plus intense arm/shoulder pain and visual issues. Tinnitus replaced by head buzzing. 10 months-1 year: all above plus Insomnia (out of nowhere), depression, no peace of mind (mental Akathisia); 2.5mg melatonin 14months off: sleep resumed. All rest symptoms remain. Bedridden vegetable all day. DP is relentless. 1.5 years off: still severely disabled, not much changed except some improvement in vision. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kat66 Posted November 22, 2021 Share Posted November 22, 2021 1 minute ago, JesusSavemefromWD said: non stop daily chemical terror and mental Akathisia…. That makes everything else much more unbearable…. Many people have healed, I hope we will not be an exception….. ...which sounds unbearable. I hope so too. There's no reason why not, many people I've spoken to on here are convinced we will! History of depression and anxiety. Symptoms of PTSD. 1998-1999 Venlafaxine 2006-2007 Prozac.2013-15 Sertraline 50mg. 2015 cross-tapered to citalopram 20mg. 2015-2021 Citalopram 20mg (brief increase to 30mg for 2/3 months in 2019. 01/2021 Dropped from 20mg to 10mg, back up to 20mg til June. 25/6/21 stopped CT. Started 50mg 5htp after a week without citalopram in the hope this would balance out my serotonin levels. After 3 days increased to 100mg 5htp. 11/7/21 Stopped 5htp with the intention of reinstating citalopram at 1mg. 16/7/21 Reinstated cit at 1mg. 2/8/21 Increased dose to 2mg. 28/11/21 10% reduction to 1.8mg. 8/12/21 2mg 6/1/22 1.8mg 10/2/22 1.6mg 13/5/22 1.5mg 4/6/22 1.55mg 4/7/22 1.4mg 4/8/22 1.25mg 1/11/22 1.1mg 3/3/23 1mg 18/4/23 0.9mg 2/6/23 0.8mg 4/10/23 0.7mg 11/11/23 jumped off @0.7mg started on 5htp 200mg -400mg, L-Theanine, and L-tyrosine 200mg. 25/11/23 came off 5-htp, l-tyrosine and l-Theanine. 24/12/23 went on 7.5mg mirtazapine. 27/12/23 stopped mirtazapine & reinstated citalopram @.35mg. 1/1/24 increased to 0.5mg. PTSD diagnosis October 2023. 11/11/23 started EMDR therapy for PTSD. Multiple unsuccessful attempts to taper off citalopram. Vegan, otherwise healthy lifestyle. Other medications; tapering off combined HRT. Other supplements; magnesium glycinate, vegan omega3. Completely OFF caffeine (since July 21). Finding it difficult to completely give up alcohol but haven’t had any since 25/12/23. Main symptoms; crushing depression, anhedonia/emotional anesthesia, irritability, rage, anxiety/fear, intrusive thoughts, cognitive fog, inability to focus, restlessness and some insomnia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kat66 Posted November 22, 2021 Share Posted November 22, 2021 I'm curious as to what causes this emotional nothingness - does anyone have any theories? My own take on it is that our dopamine receptors are f**ked due to using ADs which boost serotonin. History of depression and anxiety. Symptoms of PTSD. 1998-1999 Venlafaxine 2006-2007 Prozac.2013-15 Sertraline 50mg. 2015 cross-tapered to citalopram 20mg. 2015-2021 Citalopram 20mg (brief increase to 30mg for 2/3 months in 2019. 01/2021 Dropped from 20mg to 10mg, back up to 20mg til June. 25/6/21 stopped CT. Started 50mg 5htp after a week without citalopram in the hope this would balance out my serotonin levels. After 3 days increased to 100mg 5htp. 11/7/21 Stopped 5htp with the intention of reinstating citalopram at 1mg. 16/7/21 Reinstated cit at 1mg. 2/8/21 Increased dose to 2mg. 28/11/21 10% reduction to 1.8mg. 8/12/21 2mg 6/1/22 1.8mg 10/2/22 1.6mg 13/5/22 1.5mg 4/6/22 1.55mg 4/7/22 1.4mg 4/8/22 1.25mg 1/11/22 1.1mg 3/3/23 1mg 18/4/23 0.9mg 2/6/23 0.8mg 4/10/23 0.7mg 11/11/23 jumped off @0.7mg started on 5htp 200mg -400mg, L-Theanine, and L-tyrosine 200mg. 25/11/23 came off 5-htp, l-tyrosine and l-Theanine. 24/12/23 went on 7.5mg mirtazapine. 27/12/23 stopped mirtazapine & reinstated citalopram @.35mg. 1/1/24 increased to 0.5mg. PTSD diagnosis October 2023. 11/11/23 started EMDR therapy for PTSD. Multiple unsuccessful attempts to taper off citalopram. Vegan, otherwise healthy lifestyle. Other medications; tapering off combined HRT. Other supplements; magnesium glycinate, vegan omega3. Completely OFF caffeine (since July 21). Finding it difficult to completely give up alcohol but haven’t had any since 25/12/23. Main symptoms; crushing depression, anhedonia/emotional anesthesia, irritability, rage, anxiety/fear, intrusive thoughts, cognitive fog, inability to focus, restlessness and some insomnia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JesusSavemefromWD Posted November 22, 2021 Share Posted November 22, 2021 2 minutes ago, Kat66 said: I'm curious as to what causes this emotional nothingness - does anyone have any theories? My own take on it is that our dopamine receptors are f**ked due to using ADs which boost serotonin. It probably has to do primarily with the serotonin since these receptors are the primary target of most antidepressants like Zoloft, lexapro, Prozac, Paxil. But I am pretty sure if one system is messed up, others are thrown out of balance as well, since everything is connected in the brain …. Nobody really knows …. 1 Aug. 16-17, 2020, cipralex: went CRAZY! Recovered in 24hrs Aug.28,2020; 3.5 weeks 25mg sertraline/4.5 weeks taper Oct. 25: Last dose (4mg) Symptoms while on zoloft DPDR/out of my body/soul despair/feeling dead; tinnitus/no appetite; fear, anxiety/panics 4 months OFF: soul despair, anxiety/fear, brain disconnection/ DPDR, brain feels swollen-numb/crazy/bedridden barely functioning, tinnitus, eye lid twitches; face spasms. Feeling slightly better after 10pm. - sleep & appetite are fine 9 months OFF: hell, no windows, same symptoms as above (only eye and face twitches have stopped) plus intense arm/shoulder pain and visual issues. Tinnitus replaced by head buzzing. 10 months-1 year: all above plus Insomnia (out of nowhere), depression, no peace of mind (mental Akathisia); 2.5mg melatonin 14months off: sleep resumed. All rest symptoms remain. Bedridden vegetable all day. DP is relentless. 1.5 years off: still severely disabled, not much changed except some improvement in vision. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kat66 Posted November 22, 2021 Share Posted November 22, 2021 13 minutes ago, JesusSavemefromWD said: It probably has to do primarily with the serotonin since these receptors are the primary target of most antidepressants like Zoloft, lexapro, Prozac, Paxil. But I am pretty sure if one system is messed up, others are thrown out of balance as well, since everything is connected in the brain …. Nobody really knows …. Yeah sounds about right, I just thought it must have something to do with dopamine as that is what's responsible for feeling emotions... 1 History of depression and anxiety. Symptoms of PTSD. 1998-1999 Venlafaxine 2006-2007 Prozac.2013-15 Sertraline 50mg. 2015 cross-tapered to citalopram 20mg. 2015-2021 Citalopram 20mg (brief increase to 30mg for 2/3 months in 2019. 01/2021 Dropped from 20mg to 10mg, back up to 20mg til June. 25/6/21 stopped CT. Started 50mg 5htp after a week without citalopram in the hope this would balance out my serotonin levels. After 3 days increased to 100mg 5htp. 11/7/21 Stopped 5htp with the intention of reinstating citalopram at 1mg. 16/7/21 Reinstated cit at 1mg. 2/8/21 Increased dose to 2mg. 28/11/21 10% reduction to 1.8mg. 8/12/21 2mg 6/1/22 1.8mg 10/2/22 1.6mg 13/5/22 1.5mg 4/6/22 1.55mg 4/7/22 1.4mg 4/8/22 1.25mg 1/11/22 1.1mg 3/3/23 1mg 18/4/23 0.9mg 2/6/23 0.8mg 4/10/23 0.7mg 11/11/23 jumped off @0.7mg started on 5htp 200mg -400mg, L-Theanine, and L-tyrosine 200mg. 25/11/23 came off 5-htp, l-tyrosine and l-Theanine. 24/12/23 went on 7.5mg mirtazapine. 27/12/23 stopped mirtazapine & reinstated citalopram @.35mg. 1/1/24 increased to 0.5mg. PTSD diagnosis October 2023. 11/11/23 started EMDR therapy for PTSD. Multiple unsuccessful attempts to taper off citalopram. Vegan, otherwise healthy lifestyle. Other medications; tapering off combined HRT. Other supplements; magnesium glycinate, vegan omega3. Completely OFF caffeine (since July 21). Finding it difficult to completely give up alcohol but haven’t had any since 25/12/23. Main symptoms; crushing depression, anhedonia/emotional anesthesia, irritability, rage, anxiety/fear, intrusive thoughts, cognitive fog, inability to focus, restlessness and some insomnia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jnthnslo Posted November 22, 2021 Share Posted November 22, 2021 What makes most sense to me is that the SSRI affected dopamine levels. Although they primarily act on serotonin most have the unfortunate effect of lowering dopamine. Dopamine is involved in emotions, short term memory, physical pleasure, and motivation. I believe that those of us with severe emotional anesthesia have very depleted dopamine causing us not to feel pleasure or motivation. It is similar to what happens to some abusive drug users. Unfortunately the dopamine receptors change really slowly. I've been trying to kind things that help dopamine production. Yesterday I started tumeric in addition to fish oil, magnesium, and probiotics Pristiq 25 mg - Oct 9 2021 Pristiq 25 mg - Oct 8 2021 Pristiq 25 mg - Oct 7 2021 Pristiq 25 mg - Oct 6 2021 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JesusSavemefromWD Posted November 22, 2021 Share Posted November 22, 2021 1 minute ago, Kat66 said: Yeah sounds about right, I just thought it must have something to do with dopamine as that is what's responsible for feeling emotions... All neurotransmitters are regulating emotions…. And ADs deregulate everything… hopefully the brain will react and returns to its predrug state… why is taking so long is probably related to the fact that neurons have complicated structure and function and they do not regenerate like other cell types, they can only make new projections and connections to establish new networks. These drugs should be banned …. Allowed only for people who are still on them to slowly wean off …. 2 Aug. 16-17, 2020, cipralex: went CRAZY! Recovered in 24hrs Aug.28,2020; 3.5 weeks 25mg sertraline/4.5 weeks taper Oct. 25: Last dose (4mg) Symptoms while on zoloft DPDR/out of my body/soul despair/feeling dead; tinnitus/no appetite; fear, anxiety/panics 4 months OFF: soul despair, anxiety/fear, brain disconnection/ DPDR, brain feels swollen-numb/crazy/bedridden barely functioning, tinnitus, eye lid twitches; face spasms. Feeling slightly better after 10pm. - sleep & appetite are fine 9 months OFF: hell, no windows, same symptoms as above (only eye and face twitches have stopped) plus intense arm/shoulder pain and visual issues. Tinnitus replaced by head buzzing. 10 months-1 year: all above plus Insomnia (out of nowhere), depression, no peace of mind (mental Akathisia); 2.5mg melatonin 14months off: sleep resumed. All rest symptoms remain. Bedridden vegetable all day. DP is relentless. 1.5 years off: still severely disabled, not much changed except some improvement in vision. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kat66 Posted November 22, 2021 Share Posted November 22, 2021 2 minutes ago, JesusSavemefromWD said: Allowed only for people who are still on them to slowly wean off …. Agreed. At the point of prescribing, or even before, the poor sod who's being prescribed needs ALL the info on the nightmare waiting for them at the other end. 1 History of depression and anxiety. Symptoms of PTSD. 1998-1999 Venlafaxine 2006-2007 Prozac.2013-15 Sertraline 50mg. 2015 cross-tapered to citalopram 20mg. 2015-2021 Citalopram 20mg (brief increase to 30mg for 2/3 months in 2019. 01/2021 Dropped from 20mg to 10mg, back up to 20mg til June. 25/6/21 stopped CT. Started 50mg 5htp after a week without citalopram in the hope this would balance out my serotonin levels. After 3 days increased to 100mg 5htp. 11/7/21 Stopped 5htp with the intention of reinstating citalopram at 1mg. 16/7/21 Reinstated cit at 1mg. 2/8/21 Increased dose to 2mg. 28/11/21 10% reduction to 1.8mg. 8/12/21 2mg 6/1/22 1.8mg 10/2/22 1.6mg 13/5/22 1.5mg 4/6/22 1.55mg 4/7/22 1.4mg 4/8/22 1.25mg 1/11/22 1.1mg 3/3/23 1mg 18/4/23 0.9mg 2/6/23 0.8mg 4/10/23 0.7mg 11/11/23 jumped off @0.7mg started on 5htp 200mg -400mg, L-Theanine, and L-tyrosine 200mg. 25/11/23 came off 5-htp, l-tyrosine and l-Theanine. 24/12/23 went on 7.5mg mirtazapine. 27/12/23 stopped mirtazapine & reinstated citalopram @.35mg. 1/1/24 increased to 0.5mg. PTSD diagnosis October 2023. 11/11/23 started EMDR therapy for PTSD. Multiple unsuccessful attempts to taper off citalopram. Vegan, otherwise healthy lifestyle. Other medications; tapering off combined HRT. Other supplements; magnesium glycinate, vegan omega3. Completely OFF caffeine (since July 21). Finding it difficult to completely give up alcohol but haven’t had any since 25/12/23. Main symptoms; crushing depression, anhedonia/emotional anesthesia, irritability, rage, anxiety/fear, intrusive thoughts, cognitive fog, inability to focus, restlessness and some insomnia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JesusSavemefromWD Posted November 22, 2021 Share Posted November 22, 2021 4 minutes ago, Kat66 said: Agreed. At the point of prescribing, or even before, the poor sod who's being prescribed needs ALL the info on the nightmare waiting for them at the other end. That is not happening cause the doctors don’t believe these drugs have severe long term side effects. No one believes me when I say I still suffer severe symptoms 13 months after just 3.5 weeks of Zoloft. I even find it hard to believe i haven’t healed so many months out…. But it is unfortunately true…. 1 Aug. 16-17, 2020, cipralex: went CRAZY! Recovered in 24hrs Aug.28,2020; 3.5 weeks 25mg sertraline/4.5 weeks taper Oct. 25: Last dose (4mg) Symptoms while on zoloft DPDR/out of my body/soul despair/feeling dead; tinnitus/no appetite; fear, anxiety/panics 4 months OFF: soul despair, anxiety/fear, brain disconnection/ DPDR, brain feels swollen-numb/crazy/bedridden barely functioning, tinnitus, eye lid twitches; face spasms. Feeling slightly better after 10pm. - sleep & appetite are fine 9 months OFF: hell, no windows, same symptoms as above (only eye and face twitches have stopped) plus intense arm/shoulder pain and visual issues. Tinnitus replaced by head buzzing. 10 months-1 year: all above plus Insomnia (out of nowhere), depression, no peace of mind (mental Akathisia); 2.5mg melatonin 14months off: sleep resumed. All rest symptoms remain. Bedridden vegetable all day. DP is relentless. 1.5 years off: still severely disabled, not much changed except some improvement in vision. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jnthnslo Posted November 22, 2021 Share Posted November 22, 2021 6 minutes ago, JesusSavemefromWD said: That is not happening cause the doctors don’t believe these drugs have severe long term side effects. No one believes me when I say I still suffer severe symptoms 13 months after just 3.5 weeks of Zoloft. I even find it hard to believe i haven’t healed so many months out…. But it is unfortunately true…. You would think that if enough people like us banded together they would have to acknowledge its existence. I know it's only a fraction of those who use ADs but it's a significant number of people. I think a lot of them know but believe to themselves that it is so rare that it is worth the risk. In that case they should also people to know what those risks are. I can guarantee if someone told me this was a possibility, even remote I would not have started. Unfortunately I know directly how psychiatry is in denial. I went to a psychiatric ER at a major university hospital to be told that it was basically impossible for the drugs to do this. 1 Pristiq 25 mg - Oct 9 2021 Pristiq 25 mg - Oct 8 2021 Pristiq 25 mg - Oct 7 2021 Pristiq 25 mg - Oct 6 2021 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kat66 Posted November 22, 2021 Share Posted November 22, 2021 18 minutes ago, JesusSavemefromWD said: That is not happening cause the doctors don’t believe these drugs have severe long term side effects. No one believes me when I say I still suffer severe symptoms 13 months after just 3.5 weeks of Zoloft. I even find it hard to believe i haven’t healed so many months out…. But it is unfortunately true…. What @Jnthnslosaid earlier about the time you're on ADs being unconnected to your suffering was interesting - both of you bear this theory out. I have been on and off ADs since the late 90s and have horrible symptoms but you guys, after a few weeks. Perhaps I wasn't as sensitive to the effects as you? 1 History of depression and anxiety. Symptoms of PTSD. 1998-1999 Venlafaxine 2006-2007 Prozac.2013-15 Sertraline 50mg. 2015 cross-tapered to citalopram 20mg. 2015-2021 Citalopram 20mg (brief increase to 30mg for 2/3 months in 2019. 01/2021 Dropped from 20mg to 10mg, back up to 20mg til June. 25/6/21 stopped CT. Started 50mg 5htp after a week without citalopram in the hope this would balance out my serotonin levels. After 3 days increased to 100mg 5htp. 11/7/21 Stopped 5htp with the intention of reinstating citalopram at 1mg. 16/7/21 Reinstated cit at 1mg. 2/8/21 Increased dose to 2mg. 28/11/21 10% reduction to 1.8mg. 8/12/21 2mg 6/1/22 1.8mg 10/2/22 1.6mg 13/5/22 1.5mg 4/6/22 1.55mg 4/7/22 1.4mg 4/8/22 1.25mg 1/11/22 1.1mg 3/3/23 1mg 18/4/23 0.9mg 2/6/23 0.8mg 4/10/23 0.7mg 11/11/23 jumped off @0.7mg started on 5htp 200mg -400mg, L-Theanine, and L-tyrosine 200mg. 25/11/23 came off 5-htp, l-tyrosine and l-Theanine. 24/12/23 went on 7.5mg mirtazapine. 27/12/23 stopped mirtazapine & reinstated citalopram @.35mg. 1/1/24 increased to 0.5mg. PTSD diagnosis October 2023. 11/11/23 started EMDR therapy for PTSD. Multiple unsuccessful attempts to taper off citalopram. Vegan, otherwise healthy lifestyle. Other medications; tapering off combined HRT. Other supplements; magnesium glycinate, vegan omega3. Completely OFF caffeine (since July 21). Finding it difficult to completely give up alcohol but haven’t had any since 25/12/23. Main symptoms; crushing depression, anhedonia/emotional anesthesia, irritability, rage, anxiety/fear, intrusive thoughts, cognitive fog, inability to focus, restlessness and some insomnia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JesusSavemefromWD Posted November 22, 2021 Share Posted November 22, 2021 17 minutes ago, Kat66 said: What @Jnthnslosaid earlier about the time you're on ADs being unconnected to your suffering was interesting - both of you bear this theory out. I have been on and off ADs since the late 90s and have horrible symptoms but you guys, after a few weeks. Perhaps I wasn't as sensitive to the effects as you? No one should suffer because of a prescribed medication no matter how long they took them for, but it does feel so unfair to be struggling so much after such a short time. I could feel my brain got hooked to this drug after just two weeks, so I guess when I stopped my brain didn’t care how long I was on it, it already needed the drug. This suffering is so bad it is criminal 1 Aug. 16-17, 2020, cipralex: went CRAZY! Recovered in 24hrs Aug.28,2020; 3.5 weeks 25mg sertraline/4.5 weeks taper Oct. 25: Last dose (4mg) Symptoms while on zoloft DPDR/out of my body/soul despair/feeling dead; tinnitus/no appetite; fear, anxiety/panics 4 months OFF: soul despair, anxiety/fear, brain disconnection/ DPDR, brain feels swollen-numb/crazy/bedridden barely functioning, tinnitus, eye lid twitches; face spasms. Feeling slightly better after 10pm. - sleep & appetite are fine 9 months OFF: hell, no windows, same symptoms as above (only eye and face twitches have stopped) plus intense arm/shoulder pain and visual issues. Tinnitus replaced by head buzzing. 10 months-1 year: all above plus Insomnia (out of nowhere), depression, no peace of mind (mental Akathisia); 2.5mg melatonin 14months off: sleep resumed. All rest symptoms remain. Bedridden vegetable all day. DP is relentless. 1.5 years off: still severely disabled, not much changed except some improvement in vision. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JesusSavemefromWD Posted November 22, 2021 Share Posted November 22, 2021 33 minutes ago, Jnthnslo said: You would think that if enough people like us banded together they would have to acknowledge its existence. I know it's only a fraction of those who use ADs but it's a significant number of people. I think a lot of them know but believe to themselves that it is so rare that it is worth the risk. In that case they should also people to know what those risks are. I can guarantee if someone told me this was a possibility, even remote I would not have started. Unfortunately I know directly how psychiatry is in denial. I went to a psychiatric ER at a major university hospital to be told that it was basically impossible for the drugs to do this. Exactly, psychiatrists are in denial because it is not easy to accept they spend years studying just to practice BAD medicine. Their ego is served better by the thought of prescribing drugs that “help” people feel better. Too hard to accept they are actually mentally killing healthy people. One of the psychiatrists I spoke told me “if it’s the drug causing all these, u should be fine within a week after completely quitting, if u still have symptoms after a week it’s u and u need to go on an antipsychotic”..,. Never mind I never had these symptoms before zoloft, haven’t even heard of depersonalization before. Even a 10 years old would get it. I am so mad at these doctors… 1 Aug. 16-17, 2020, cipralex: went CRAZY! Recovered in 24hrs Aug.28,2020; 3.5 weeks 25mg sertraline/4.5 weeks taper Oct. 25: Last dose (4mg) Symptoms while on zoloft DPDR/out of my body/soul despair/feeling dead; tinnitus/no appetite; fear, anxiety/panics 4 months OFF: soul despair, anxiety/fear, brain disconnection/ DPDR, brain feels swollen-numb/crazy/bedridden barely functioning, tinnitus, eye lid twitches; face spasms. Feeling slightly better after 10pm. - sleep & appetite are fine 9 months OFF: hell, no windows, same symptoms as above (only eye and face twitches have stopped) plus intense arm/shoulder pain and visual issues. Tinnitus replaced by head buzzing. 10 months-1 year: all above plus Insomnia (out of nowhere), depression, no peace of mind (mental Akathisia); 2.5mg melatonin 14months off: sleep resumed. All rest symptoms remain. Bedridden vegetable all day. DP is relentless. 1.5 years off: still severely disabled, not much changed except some improvement in vision. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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