Apathy, anhedonia, emotional numbness, emotional anesthesia

[Kat66]

3 minutes ago, JesusSavemefromWD said:

 “if it’s the drug causing all these, u should be fine within a week after completely quitting, if u still have symptoms after a week it’s u and u need to go on an antipsychotic”..,. 

It shocks me and yet doesn't shock me the crap these psychiatrists come out with! I suppose it's all they know though isn't it?

[JesusSavemefromWD]

Just now, JesusSavemefromWD said:

Exactly, psychiatrists are in denial because it is not easy to accept they spend years studying just to practice BAD medicine. Their ego is served better by the thought of prescribing drugs that “help” people feel better. Too hard to accept they are actually mentally killing healthy people. One of the psychiatrists I spoke told me “if it’s the drug causing all these, u should be fine within a week after completely quitting, if u still have symptoms after a week it’s u and u need to go on an antipsychotic”..,. Never mind I never had these symptoms before zoloft, haven’t even heard of depersonalization before. Even a 10 years old would get it. I am so mad at these doctors… 

So what I was trying to say is that I am sure psychiatrist do see cases like ours more often than we think , but they don’t “see” these cases cause they don’t accept is the drug causing the symptoms rather it’s the mental status of the patient not being helped by the drug. So for them “an adverse reaction is impossible, these drugs are not harmful and there must be another explanation if the patient is suffering while taking them. Most doctors are told if a patient cannot tolerate an AD is bipolar, never mind they had no signs of this disease . What is more disgusting of all is how easily these drugs are prescribed, like candies 

[JesusSavemefromWD]

1 minute ago, Kat66 said:

It shocks me and yet doesn't shock me the crap these psychiatrists come out with! I suppose it's all they know though isn't it?

It seems to me like they lack common sense …. But here we are suffering and these doctors who put us in this torture are out there living their life … so unfair 

[Nic123]

I feel like I’ve lost my entire life experiences, narrative to this ****. The short term memory is that bad I can’t access it very well at all. I guess experiences and past memories are tied to emotions and without emotions I just can’t recall anything at all and it makes me feel like I was just born yesterday. I absolutely hate myself though because I knew pssd existed before I started but said “that won’t be me” and being that I already was on ssri in 2017 and got off after a couple weeks and was completely back to normal I thought this time it would be the same. Obviously not at all.

 

I’m positive it’s a complete shutdown of the dopamine system, I literally can’t feel a reward for anything I do, same with the feeling to get out of bed it’s just emptiness . I noticed when I was on the ssri that over the weeks being on it things just didn’t feel good to do anymore, even though I felt “great” from the overload of seratonin, I was very numb. I remember once watching tv all day when there was jobs that needed doing and I just felt no guilt whatsoever, it’s like I can’t even feel guilt anymore either. 

[Nic123]

I’m sure in the future they will look back at this time as the dark ages of medicine and realise it was extremely cruel and damaging instead of helping. 

[JesusSavemefromWD]

4 hours ago, Nic123 said:

I feel like I’ve lost my entire life experiences, narrative to this ****. The short term memory is that bad I can’t access it very well at all. I guess experiences and past memories are tied to emotions and without emotions I just can’t recall anything at all and it makes me feel like I was just born yesterday. I absolutely hate myself though because I knew pssd existed before I started but said “that won’t be me” and being that I already was on ssri in 2017 and got off after a couple weeks and was completely back to normal I thought this time it would be the same. Obviously not at all.

 

I’m positive it’s a complete shutdown of the dopamine system, I literally can’t feel a reward for anything I do, same with the feeling to get out of bed it’s just emptiness . I noticed when I was on the ssri that over the weeks being on it things just didn’t feel good to do anymore, even though I felt “great” from the overload of seratonin, I was very numb. I remember once watching tv all day when there was jobs that needed doing and I just felt no guilt whatsoever, it’s like I can’t even feel guilt anymore either. 

5 minutes ago, Nic123 said:

I’m sure in the future they will look back at this time as the dark ages of medicine and realise it was extremely cruel and damaging instead of helping. 

I am sure this will happen, I hope we have survived by then to enjoy uncovering these evil drugs and pharmaceutical companies 

[Overwhelmedlady]

Hi @Nic123If you consider what has happened with the opioid crisis in the US ,think about all those who have died and all those who have suffered.There were lawsuits, mainstream media dealt with it.How many people ended up in jail? (I mean how many manufacturers) Are 

the Sacklers in jail? Are opioids banned? Have a look at the history of mental health practices. I can't even believe that ECT is still a common treatment.Corporations rule and,at the very best,they will come out with new and even more powerful and damaging drugs.

[Nowwhat]

The emotional roller coaster we are on is absolutely the worst part of this experience. One moment feeling like crying the next giggling and then depressed to the point of not wanting to exist. Anxiety is my constant companion so feeling depressed and anxious at the same time makes you feel absolutely crazy. I had gotten away from this group for a while because I found myself internalizing everyone else’s problems. But it is clear to me now that I am in a world of pain that has very well traveled roads. I pray for us all 

[Jnthnslo]

For those that have been in it longer than me (2 months) did the insomnia and headaches get better after awhile or are you experiencing them on a consistent basis?

 

Right now I get daily headaches at my temples. Also some nights the insomnia is almost unbearable like it is physically impossible to sleep. The nights I can sleep okay are just a relief since it is the only escape but having the headaches and emotional anesthesia on top of the insomnia is hard to bare. It's so hard to hold on right now and my thoughts are starting to get really dark.

[Lilly998]

@Jnthnslo it gets better yess, sleep is the greatest blessing in this journey so it is so hard to suffer from insomnia but it gets better 

 

But regarding ur signature u are still on the drug so why do u suffer from insomnia  ?! It is a symptom of WD

[Nic123]

Do you guys have trouble making decisions? I’ve always had it to a degree but when I’m very emotionally numb I almost feel paralysed in that I can’t feel what choice to make. I’ve always been a big feeler and that’s how most of my decisions are made on what feels best. I was buying shoes today and neither pairs made me feel a certain way about them. Does that make sense? Like when you know you like something you choose that, but it simply wasn’t there.

[Kat66]

@Nic123yes, I totally recognise the feeling of paralysis when faced with a decision. I get that usually anyway but I’m WD it’s 100x worse

[Nic123]

I think I’m starting to experience the “chemical terror” or some kind of anxiety 1 year out. I feel terrified that I’m literally losing conscious awareness like my brain is just going to to shut down on me. It’s the weirdest thing and almost hard to describe but it’s like all of a sudden I will be alive but my mind has ceased to function and “me” is shrinking into non existence, or another way to put it like your so depressed you can’t even move. I guess it’s some kind of DPDR but just hope it’s not some mental defect I’ve always had I thought maybe I had gone crazy or something. I guess not having emotions and feeling blank for so long can have us feel extremely disconnected from everything, also impossible to talk myself out of it because without feelings how can I reason with myself. It did seem to start once I started some B complex vitamins but have no idea if it’s just a coincidence. I did stop them though. Another is I haven’t exercised in a good 7 weeks due to my heart inflammation after the vaccine. I’m sure all of this has contributed to my declining health  

[Jnthnslo]

@Nic123 I'm not too sure what chemical terror is exactly. Is it possible that the anxiety is a good thing? Even though I'm sure it is very uncomfortable, it is a return of some emotion. I think I remember from a few posts ago you weren't have any anxiety at all. 

 

Yesterday I spent most of the day crying. I was basically remembering good times that I feel like I'll never have again because of the emotional anesthesia. Although I was able to cry a little bit within the first two weeks, it was the first time I felt like crying all day. I didn't enjoy thinking about helping hopeless but in a way it gave me some hope that I am having a slight return in emotion even though it was negative. 

 

Overall today I was having hope thoughts & frustration. Today marks week 7 with severe emotional anesthesia. My body refuses to allow me almost any feeling of pleasure or anxiety. Since it is a complete anesthesia it makes me think that there is no way of coming out or improving. Today was also the closest I've felt to doing something to end it all. I am blessed to have a supportive family and friends that talked to me enough to calm down. It is difficult because I do see a lot of you that have been dealing with this so much longer than me. It is just hard to fathom going more than a year feeling nothing. How have you all done it? Is it by distraction or does the anesthesia get less severe eventually? Has there been anyone else who thought they were at their end because they couldn't feel and were able to hold on and improve? Right now I'm not looking or expecting for a complete return but I'm hoping I can have something that I can feel, something that does not make every day feel like the same nothingness. Any advise on how I can hold on as long as some of you all have? 

[Nowwhat]

I am new in this process myself. I don’t have constant anhedonia I find myself fluctuating between emotions. One minute dead inside the next anxious then depressed. None of these feelings seem normal in the way regular people experience them. The hardest part is thinking how potentially long this process is.I am finding some comfort in knowing others have gone through this successfully as much as it does suck 

[sacredohana]

On 11/25/2021 at 2:26 PM, Nic123 said:

Do you guys have trouble making decisions? I’ve always had it to a degree but when I’m very emotionally numb I almost feel paralysed in that I can’t feel what choice to make. I’ve always been a big feeler and that’s how most of my decisions are made on what feels best. I was buying shoes today and neither pairs made me feel a certain way about them. Does that make sense? Like when you know you like something you choose that, but it simply wasn’t there.

@Nic123absolutely yes. I am often paralysed in the face of a decision or taking action - whether it be something insignificant like what to have for dinner or a decision that will have longer lasting consequences.  Perhaps, as you suggest, it is to do with impaired instincts, trying to work through the brain fog and the inability to use our reason.  Also, the lack of care factor. I haven't bought any new clothes for a long time because I just don't care about my appearance. I am sure this is related to the disruption to our happy hormones. I then experience severe self-recrimination for being so hopeless in the decision making department.  I am in a position that I need to make some fairly big decisions in order to keep myself afloat during this period of healing so the stakes and the pressure feel immense. At the same time I am aware that one shouldn't make big decisions when in crisis mode. I am working through some of this with the help of a therapist because it can become so overwhelming.  I also use my closest friends to help make decisions.  And I try to be as kind as I can to myself. Keep going @Nic123 ❤️

[Kat66]

17 hours ago, Jnthnslo said:

Today marks week 7 with severe emotional anesthesia. My body refuses to allow me almost any feeling of pleasure or anxiety. Since it is a complete anesthesia it makes me think that there is no way of coming out or improving. Today was also the closest I've felt to doing something to end it all. I am blessed to have a supportive family and friends that talked to me enough to calm down. It is difficult because I do see a lot of you that have been dealing with this so much longer than me. It is just hard to fathom going more than a year feeling nothing. How have you all done it? Is it by distraction or does the anesthesia get less severe eventually? Has there been anyone else who thought they were at their end because they couldn't feel and were able to hold on and improve? Right now I'm not looking or expecting for a complete return but I'm hoping I can have something that I can feel, something that does not make every day feel like the same nothingness. Any advise on how I can hold on as long as some of you all have? 

 

I could have written this. In a strange way reading your words is comforting @Jnthnslo as this journey is lonely as hell.

 

15 hours ago, Nowwhat said:

The hardest part is thinking how potentially long this process is.I am finding some comfort in knowing others have gone through this successfully as much as it does suck 

 

I agree @Nowwhat it's the open-endedness of it that's difficult to get your head around. I too have started reading some success stories. 100% of people who've been through this, who've posted on here or YouTube, have said it gets better. We must hang on to that.

[Nic123]

On 11/27/2021 at 5:17 AM, Kat66 said:

100% of people who've been through this, who've posted on here or YouTube, have said it gets better. We must hang on to that.

that makes me hopeful. I just always think to myself “no one can have it THIS bad” but probably everyone thinks the same lol, if you guys can agree.

 

does anyone else find themselves less sensitive physically to? I find I can stand out in the sun and don’t really have much reaction like “wow this is hot” etc. or getting out of the shower, I rarely feel that cold chill. I guess if the brain is desensitised in some way everything is dulled 

[Jnthnslo]

Hey guys,

 

This has been a rough week for me. I made the mistake of looking at medical help for answers. First, I had a breakdown in hope and ending up in a mental hospital for 5 days. It was not a pleasant experience. My inability to feel emotions has been at its peak. I spoke with two separate physicians that both tried to diagnose my emotional anesthesia as depression. I've never had depression just anxiety.

 

By the 5th day (today) I had enough of the doctors not listening to me so I told them I wanted to leave. I left and today went to a hospital because I'm so so sure what is happening to me is medical. Honestly, it just made things worse. They ran blood work, did a CT scan and came back with nothing. They also diagnosed me with depression.

 

Guys, it is so difficult to be unheard. When talking about emotional anesthesia it is like they don't get the extent to where we can't feel anything.  It is not just being sad, it's a nothingness at all. It is a feeling in your heard not in your heart. It is so obviously it is a chemical imbalance to us dealing with it but no one listens.

 

I'm scared guys. I feel like the more I seek answers the more my family is not going to believe me and really think it is a psychological issue. How can I get leave from work if no doctor is going acknowledge the suffering?

 

I think we need to advocate more and show our health care providers that we are not the only ones suffering with this after taking antidepressants.

 

This is just a mental hell

 

[Nic123]

2 hours ago, Jnthnslo said:

 

 

 

Jnthnslo, your not crazy. I was feeling exactly the same, it makes you not feel human. Last week I started panicking thinking i had fully lost my mind and was going to end up just sort of having a brain death and ceasing to exist. I'm sorry i really dont know what to say but just know you ARENT alone in this. Very sorry you are also in this.

 

Not saying its depression although i really have no idea in my case but apparently that causes full numbness in extreme cases.

[sacredohana]

@Jnthnslowhat a week you have been through. Sending heaps of love and support. I have been so close to admitting myself to a mental health facility but never went through with it as I imagined it would be just as you have experienced. The urge for me is to have someone to take care of me and also to have the pain recognised and validated somehow but the reality is clearly not going to be that. In a way, there may be a positive from your experience: in that at least you can rule out any help from the medical profession with this. I tried reinstating a small amount of pristiq which didn’t work out well after weeks of agonising about whether to do so or not. It put an end to the dilemma and allowed me to accept the situation more and get on with the business of healing. 
I completely resonate with your emotional numbness. It’s very distressing and feels endless. While I’m withdrawing from Pristiq, I am also still tapering an anti-psychotic medication. Difficult to differentiate between symptoms. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. I’m desperate to feel joy again. And pure unadulterated calm. In the meantime I am trying to be ok with feeling heart-dead for now. I recognise the distress becomes more intense when I am in conflict with the situation. If I can get into acceptance mode things are easier. 
No answers for you accept passing on my belief that this will end. That our capacity to feel emotion will return and we will be better humans for this experience.

[Kat66]

8 hours ago, Jnthnslo said:

Hey guys,

 

This has been a rough week for me. I made the mistake of looking at medical help for answers. First, I had a breakdown in hope and ending up in a mental hospital for 5 days. It was not a pleasant experience. My inability to feel emotions has been at its peak. I spoke with two separate physicians that both tried to diagnose my emotional anesthesia as depression. I've never had depression just anxiety.

 

By the 5th day (today) I had enough of the doctors not listening to me so I told them I wanted to leave. I left and today went to a hospital because I'm so so sure what is happening to me is medical. Honestly, it just made things worse. They ran blood work, did a CT scan and came back with nothing. They also diagnosed me with depression.

 

Guys, it is so difficult to be unheard. When talking about emotional anesthesia it is like they don't get the extent to where we can't feel anything.  It is not just being sad, it's a nothingness at all. It is a feeling in your heard not in your heart. It is so obviously it is a chemical imbalance to us dealing with it but no one listens.

 

I'm scared guys. I feel like the more I seek answers the more my family is not going to believe me and really think it is a psychological issue. How can I get leave from work if no doctor is going acknowledge the suffering?

 

I think we need to advocate more and show our health care providers that we are not the only ones suffering with this after taking antidepressants.

 

This is just a mental hell

 

@Jnthnslo I am so sorry you're going through this hell, and want to echo what the others have said, that you are NOT alone. The thing is what we're feeling (or NOT feeling) is a lot like depression, so the doctors in their uneducated 'wisdom' naturally assume that's what it is. I'm assuming you told them exactly what you are going through, ie withdrawal? Withdrawal seems to be so little understood except by those of us on here going through it - I so wish it was otherwise. Perhaps fast forward ten years and it'll be a well understood and well RESPECTED condition which gets the consideration it deserves. Sending love and healing xxx

[Nic123]

It’s been close to a year for me and if anything I seem to just get worst and worst. Is it possible I’m just dealing with severe depression? I don’t understand how I can just keep declining further and further when the brain is apparently “healing”. I’m not getting windows and waves just further decline into periods where I can’t even function properly. I’m not even sure it’s related to the SSRI anymore as it was so long ago I don’t see how it could just keep getting worst as time goes on.

 

I haven’t had an appetite in weeks which is new for me and my sex drive has gone even lower than before as well as not feeling tired etc. I’m so lost on what’s going on I’m afraid I’ll do something stupid.

[sacredohana]

@Nic123sorry that it’s been so hard for you and that it seems to be getting worse and worse. I have no answers other than to say I’m here for you. Please keep going. Everyday you get through it is another day of healing. I truly believe that we will recover.

[ThatOneGirlStitch]

On 11/28/2021 at 8:36 PM, Nic123 said:

“no one can have it THIS bad”

Yep I honestly thought it wasn’t possible for a person to have these symptoms at this severity. I’m mean some of these symptoms are so ridiculous and random they seem made up. Losing human emotions? Having your genitals so aroused it hurts? Eyebrows falling out? Yep weird. (If I could I’d laugh at the ridiculousness of it all)
 

 

[ThatOneGirlStitch]

@Nic123

 

Im sorry you are seeing no windows. I searched the site and came across this in success story topic

 

Quote

 I have read of people who had no windows for a long time and then had a window that never went away, so there are many different ways that people heal.

 

I have also seen some with 10 months before windows. And one  person who had a couple years then got hit with a bunch of windows. From what I found the body is random. The window and wave pattern is not so cut and dry.

 

If you can, record your symptoms as they change on your personal topic. I just slap mine on there in only one sentence on occasion because, well you know, motivation and low everything.  I’ve read that healing especially at the beginning is 1 step forward and 3 steps back. One. step forward 2 steps back, etc. I’m only a year in with lots of kindling so I’m not to excited about that.

 

I hope it helps to know this isn’t the first time people have gone without windows for so long.

 

Hang in there. Make it minute by minute. Day by day.

[Happy2Heal]

On 11/17/2021 at 6:21 PM, EmptyVessle said:

Is altostrata the only one who recovered from that? Its kinda scary that she is the only one. Do you know any other stories @ChessieCat who recovered from being empty inside?

I recovered from anhedonia and well over 30 severe symptoms after being poly-drugged for most of my adult life (from age 18 to over 60)

 

of course people recover

 

the human body is amazing. It always works towards health and HEALING.

 

 

[Katy398]

@EmptyVessleI am in exactly the same position 3 years off all ADs, still struggling and frightened this is permanent. 

[Happy2Heal]

 

11 hours ago, EmptyVessle said:

@Happy2Heal it does not seem like it, you recoverd after 1 year after discintinuation and you used drugs for so many year...im 3 years out and dont see any progress...does it mean that for me its permament? 

 

 

I've read thru your thread and your comments on other threads, you seem to be utterly convinced that you are permanently damaged

so therefore nothing I say will convince you otherwise

 

I guess you will just have to wait and see.

 

in the meantime you could do things to help yourself feel less miserable IF you wanted to.

 

entirely up to you.

 

 

[ThatOneGirlStitch]

@Happy2Heal

Hi Happy2Heal, Was wondering if you could add any tips to the board of how you coped with the anhedonia. I try not to think (if I don't think I can't hurt), which is hard when you for some reason can't keep busy or your complete lack of interest makes it hard to keep engaged. Jnthnslo had some good suggestions. (I recommend to others going back to read his if you haven't) But I am also hoping you having been through it have found some go to coping skills for anhedonia. Thanks for dropping in.   

[Happy2Heal]

1 hour ago, ThatOneGirlStitch said:

@Happy2Heal

Hi Happy2Heal, Was wondering if you could add any tips to the board of how you coped with the anhedonia. I try not to think (if I don't think I can't hurt), which is hard when you for some reason can't keep busy or your complete lack of interest makes it hard to keep engaged. Jnthnslo had some good suggestions. (I recommend to others going back to read his if you haven't) But I am also hoping you having been through it have found some go to coping skills for anhedonia. Thanks for dropping in.   

 

 

Apathy, anhedonia, emotional numbness were the primary reasons for me wanting to get off the lexapro. I'd been doing nothing but sleeping for up to 12 hrs at a stretch but would fall asleep easily even after sleeping that long, if I just sat still for a little while. I felt nothing, had no motivation, no feelings at all... for years, really. I rarely left my house except to buy food once a month and see whatever drs were prescribing the dozen or so pills I was on at that time.

I don't know how I coped. I didn't think much about it, it was just something that was happening and I didn't know why. My PCP kept telling me I was depressed (I was not, I felt nothing, could not cry, could not be happy, or angry or anything) I knew something was wrong but I had no idea what. This went on for about 10 years, I guess, starting out with a gradual loss of interest in things and getting to the point of not feeling anything at all, of being so numb I wasn't even sure I was alive at all and wondered why I should continue living. Because I couldn't feel anything, I could "think" a feeling but that was it. and it all felt so far away and disconnected from me.

 

I forget now how I figured it out but eventually I realized it had to be the lexapro.

And then  I was determined to get off it.

 

as far as how I coped with the anhedonia during withdrawal , well it was familiar to me LOL but because I had severe insomnia, it was harder to deal with. I always knew that it wouldn't last. I just did. I am older and I guess I've learned that NOTHING lasts forever, that things always change, and even when it feels like they won't - they do.

 

This used to tick me off when I was younger ( and to some extent still does! LOL) because when I was feeling good, I would want to freeze time to hold onto those good feelings. 

but that's not possible. Things always change, the good things you want to last forever, don't and the bad things you think will never stop, do, and things change. 

 

I remember reading a lot, I watched some tv, I distracted myself as much as I could. I would remind myself that I'd been thru this same thing and worse, and that I would be fine and it would eventually end.

I don't know if that helps anyone else at all but that's how I got thru it. I'd had an awful lot of practice, though, so I guess I had an advantage, if you could call it that. 😛

[ThatOneGirlStitch]

@Happy2Heal

Wow, so many years with anhedonia. That blows me away. Thank you for taking the time to reply. And your belief that it wouldn't last is inspiring. I hope I can get to that state of mind. I'm currently working on acceptance. If I can accept it, it hurts less, right?  So many people here are optimistic. I'm not sure if it's natural or something they work on. But I hope to be there. Again, thank you for your advice and support!

[JesusSavemefromWD]

9 hours ago, EmptyVessle said:

how can we believe in story that someone recovered after a year after useing AD for so long and we are 3 years out and no progress :(? 

 

can someone explain?

It’s all about genetics …. You see some people smoking, drinking, having bad diet and never get cancer, but then you see someone with very healthy life style getting cancer…. I know you feel it is not fair you haven’t recovered after 3.5 years. I feel it’s not fair for me either that I have been suffering 14 months after just 3.5 weeks of Zoloft. I am happy others have recovered though cause that tells me that the brain can heal but maybe yours and mine just need more time. But yes I do understand the feeling of “not fair”. 

[Happy2Heal]

9 hours ago, EmptyVessle said:

how can we believe in story that someone recovered after a year after useing AD for so long and we are 3 years out and no progress :(? 

 

 

I don't know, from what I have read on here, how long you were on the drug(s) is not always a factor (or maybe never? I don't know!) in determining how long it will take for you to recover.

I did not do a normal taper, if I had, I would have been in recovery much much longer. And I was not *fully* recovered in just a year. I *felt* mostly recovered. This is a big difference. Feeling and actually being are two different things.

This is because I choose to look more at the positive side than the negative. I have found thru many years of being a somewhat negative person, often feeling like a victim, that how I decided to look at things made a big difference in how I felt. When I worked on giving up the victim mentality, I felt a lot better. 

 

 

I still continue to improve, so you can't say that I was totally recovered. 

 

It doesn't do much good to compare ourselves to others. There will always be someone better off and someone worse off.

 

You are suffering and you feel it is unfair. It is unfair, but not because someone else may have seemed to have suffered less or for not as long.

It is unfair and it is awful and you feel very angry, I imagine.

Maybe work with that. It is ok to be angry and to say so. Maybe acknowledging how you feel and expressing it will help you in some way.

I don't know

 

I am just a fellow traveler on the same basic path.

 

I do believe you will heal and that you will get back everything or at least nearly everything that you feel you've lost.

 

I hope that you can believe it too. 

That belief is a choice

 

Choosing to believe it does not mean you must give up how you feel about what is happening to you now, you have every right and reason to feel angry, cheated, frustrated, etc.

 

It's ok to feel all those things

 

but how you think about them, that can affect how you cope with what you are going thru.

if you can change your thinking a little bit, you might start to feel a wee bit better.

I don't know

but what have you got to lose?

maybe give it a try? 

[Happy2Heal]

1 hour ago, ThatOneGirlStitch said:

@Happy2Heal

Wow, so many years with anhedonia. That blows me away. Thank you for taking the time to reply. And your belief that it wouldn't last is inspiring. I hope I can get to that state of mind. I'm currently working on acceptance. If I can accept it, it hurts less, right?  So many people here are optimistic. I'm not sure if it's natural or something they work on. But I hope to be there. Again, thank you for your advice and support!

ok now I"m blushing. You are very welcome.

Believe me along the way I b*tched about it and had days when I was sure I would be better off dead. I felt dead. but because I had no energy to do anything,  working to become dead was not even an option, if you know what I mean. 😕  I have a hard time with the word su*c*de- I'm reluctant to use it. 

I am NOT naturally an optimistic person, in fact I think of myself as being quite the opposite.

 

I did not do anything esp remarkable. I did what you mentioned doing a few posts above: you get thru it one day at a time. Hour by hour, minute by minute, if need be. ❤️

 

 

I do work hard to push negative thoughts away, and I don't always, or even usually, succeed, to be honest, But I make an effort because I have seen how much of a difference it makes in how  I experience the here and now, the present, which is all we ever really have.

as I've gotten older, I think about, what if today was actually my last day? is this how I want to spend it? being angry or fearful or gloomy?

no, I want to see and experience all the good the world has to offer, so I try to find some good in every day.

 

It took me a long time to adopt this practice and it is something I need to work on all the time.

 

I keep a slip of paper on my fridge, a "fortune" from a fortune cookie that says "we are what we think"

 

I find that profound on so many levels and very true.

we create our own realities by what we think.

 

when you know that this is true, you are free to create just the life you want. 

it is both that simple and that hard, as patterns of thinking can be quite ingrained and habitual.

 

you are going to get where you want to go. 

maybe try on what it feels like to just let yourself believe that.

I know you may not feel anything if you are suffering with anhedonia and numbness etc but see if maybe you don't feel your body relax  a wee bit, at least.

 

all the best to you on your journey

[Happy2Heal]

@ThatOneGirlStitch

 

I was looking for the post of advice from Jnthnslo that you mentioned and I think I found it, it's also think it's very good. The suggestion to try different physical sensations, I did that too. It helped me feel something even though it wasn't the kind of feeling I wanted at the time. It helped me know that I was still alive.

 

Also Alto made a comment earlier on, that the anhedonia etc that the drugs cause while you are taking them *is* different, she believes, from the anhedonia in WD recovery and I think that's true.  All of the WD recovery symptoms I had were much more intense than anything that happened while I was on these drugs. They had a different quality to them and also, as I recall now (forgive me, but I have worked to try to forget the worst of WD so I don't always have a clear memory) anyway as I recall now, at the same time I was having symptoms, my brain was "telling me" that the state that I was in was permanent. 

So to all of you who are afraid that you are stuck with your current symptoms, remember that during WD your brain is going to lie to you.

It's similar to, but more intense, than the "lying" and thought distortions that one would have during depression, where you feel like things are bad, have always been bad and will always be bad.

 

BUT in WD/recovery this is not a conscious thought, it is generated from your brain as it heals. It is still NOT true, you will get better, things will change, but it's a harder "thought" to deal with because it is so insistent and outside of your control.

 

I don't know if I'm describing it well enough, but I'm glad I read thru some more of this thread because I had totally forgotten how real and how intense those chemically generated "thoughts" were.

 

so, while it's still true that you can fight those chemically generated thoughts (that things will not get better), recognize that they ARE not your own thoughts, they are generated from the changes happening, from the actual HEALING happening, in your brain.

 

it sucks big time, I know, we all know, those of us who have gone thru this, and my heart goes out to you all still on this earlier path.

 

but try to remind yourself that it will end, even when your brain is telling you otherwise

 

it's a huge thing to ask, but take a leap of faith that this is true- that healing is going to happen for you.

 

I'm very sorry if I came off as making it seem easier than it is.