Happy2Heal my Victory statement

[sandnit]

12 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

amazingly, I did come out of it even better!!
I am so happy it's over

 

I hope your wave ends soon! that's a long time

 

has anything eased up at all?

Ow wow this is great to hear Happy!! It is such a unpredictable journey!!

 

Well last week the whole family got sick with Influenza. I was pretty sick with a high fever for a week. Before that some symptoms started easing up.

Now it is hard to say as I'm still recovering from influenza. Still coughing a lot and i'm really tired. Anxiety seems less though so i hope i'm true the worst of it.

 

I ordered the tapering strips i will be using to do the rest of the taper. From 5mg to 0mg in about 2 years if all goes to plan. I hope i can start my taper in the next coming months!!

 

 

 

 

 

[Giuly88]

On 1/22/2024 at 7:12 PM, Happy2Heal said:

hi @Giuly88 thanks so much for stopping by and for your good wishes, much appreciated!

my wave is over, it ended in the Emergency room as I went into afib- I've had previous episodes over the past er 18 yrs or so, but they are very infrequent and very short. I had thought I'd never have another have, having blamed them on the lexapro and WD but  I guess maybe not, I don't know now.

I am back in normal rhythm now and just fine and the wave is over too

 

and I truly feel better than ever. So very happy about that

 

this is a long strange journey, isn't it?

 

we need to keep our focus on the good, otherwise it's very easy to get discouraged

 

I hope your memory continues to improve and that you end your journey in a good place for you

 

wishing you good health and fast healing

 

 

(Afib stands for atrial fibrillation (AF), which is a type of arrhythmia, or abnormal heartbeat. Afib is caused by extremely fast and irregular beats from the upper chambers of the heart (usually more than 400 beats per minute). A normal, healthy heartbeat involves a regular contraction of the heart muscle.)

Oh no H2H sorry to hear this. I’m pleased however that you were dismissed by the hospital and that you are now out of this horrendous wave. It means more healing has taken place.

 

I can’t believe what these poisons do to people causing atrocious lingering withdrawal symptoms this far out.

 

Hope you are feeling better 😊

 

💕💕

[FarmGirlWorks]

On 1/9/2024 at 6:15 PM, Happy2Heal said:

here we are, only 9 days in to the new year and I can honestly say it's been  LONG year so far!

 because I have been working hard at trying to figure out what has been WRONG with me recently and now that I think I have it figured out

I can relax and just rest

Oh @Happy2Heal: I am with you. There was a cartoon in the NYer about how damn long January seems. Thanks for sharing this post. Another SA member asked me recently if it is possible my mental health suffers because I still have waves (it will be 7 years since CT and 4 since writing a Success Story. It is hard to tease out if it is "WD waves lite" or situational traumas, CPTSD, or a genetic mutation that makes it hard to synthesize happy chemicals. I suspect all of the above.

 

You've inspired me to drag out that "dusty toolbox." We are getting better though, as is everyone here. And usually it is much longer than we expect.

Edited January 28 by FarmGirlWorks

[boohoo]

@Happy2Heal

I've read that alot of people have problems with anti ageing products. I was ill for days after I used a face cream. 

[Happy2Heal]

5 minutes ago, boohoo said:

@Happy2Heal

I've read that alot of people have problems with anti ageing products. I was ill for days after I used a face cream. 

sorry to hear that @boohoo

 

 

 I was just looking up how many hours a day a mouse sleeps because I have pet mice and I was worried they were sleeping too much

 

and I found this nifty chart- It verifies what I have heard before, that we humans sleep less as we age. 

https://faculty.washington.edu/chudler/chasleep.html

[Happy2Heal]

On 1/27/2024 at 7:08 PM, FarmGirlWorks said:

You've inspired me to drag out that "dusty toolbox." We are getting better though, as is everyone here. And usually it is much longer than we expect.

yep that dusty toolbox!! I feel like I need to dust it off more often and use it... as I run into issues from time to time that would be easy to resolve if I just recalled that there are TOOLS for that!! hahaha

 

how quickly I have lapsed into laziness

 

I got some more test results and have discovered that I did not have any kind of mild stroke, as my neurologist had feared.

after seeing a few drs recently it occurs to me that DRS are more often a CAUSE of ppl having health anxiety when they never did before.

I can't tell you the number of times I've mentioned a symptom and had a dr exclaim with comments that OMG those are sighs of ______ (insert something serious) did you go to the ER? or why didn't you call me and make an appt/

 

In the ED with symptoms of a possible heart attack, you would think they'd be much more careful about alarming a pt, but NO, they were telling me all the ways I might die if I'd ignored my symptoms or didn't agree to their treatment suggestions

(I'd already heard that list and had verified that ALL of those things were exceedingly RARE and in my case specifically almost surely NOT a concern)

It aggravates me that Drs themselves do this stuff, making you doubt your own intuition and gut feelings about what is going on in your body and how serious,or NOT, it might be

 

I did have jaw and neck pain and that DID initially alarm me (I was in afib with rapid ventricular response, a very high heart rate) but as soon as I got the first dose of IV beta blocker and my heart rate came down a bit, that pain started to ease up

and then the first troponin test came in and it was clearly way too low to indicate ANY sort of heart issue but instead of telling me that, they freaking LIED and gave me the number without the reference range and walked away without answering me when I asked where that was on the range.

 

I don't know if drs are like this every where but I run into SO many drs who are such alarmists about things

 

I am far more worried about them doing UNNECESSARY things to me, than I am about them missing something important

 

that's my rant for today I guess

I was in the ED early in the month and I got the discharge summary and they have falsely said that my recent afib episode was "caused by medication non compliance"

 

I am pissed!!  three years ago I went to the ED for a possible afib episode but by the time I arrived, it was over. they sent me home with a weeks worth of a beta blocker to use til I saw my own cardiologist

 

one week's worth! over three years ago!

I called my own cardiologist who couldn't see me for a month but he advised me to stop the beta blocker (slowly) because in MY case, at least, a sudden drop in heart rate was just as likely to put me in afib as a sudden increase

 

I was not on any heart meds at all because I don't need them!

 

but this ED doc is writing that my afib episode was MY FAULT for not taking a drug I was not supposed to be taking!

I hate the word "compliance" when it comes to medical treatment, they should use the work SUGGESTIONS instead

because time and time again, their "orders" were not good ones and caused us harm

 

seriously pisses me off  GRRRRR!!!! lol

 

that's my rant for today! 

If you find yourself having health anxiety, don't beat yourself up, but ask yourself, where do you think that came from?esp if you never had any fears about your healthy growing up or before you saw too many drs

 

I swear, our medical system causes way more problems than it ever solves!!

 

ok now to gather up all that anger and upset and throw it far far away (this is a reference to a kid's show called Bluey)

 

have a good day everyone!!
I am getting a new mouse next weekend so I am happy and excited about that

also looking forward to a birthday get  together with my friends AND seeing the eye dr and getting new glasses that I desperately need!

 

remember our health is in our hands!  drs are there to serve us not the other way around

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest]

On 11/3/2018 at 10:32 AM, Happy2Heal said:

Mod note:  link to: Happy2Heal: Hope I'm doing this right (Introduction and update topic)

 

I was just an 18yr old,  a very confused, naive young woman, er no- more of a child, really-

when I was given (by force) my first psych drug, stelazine, a major tranquilizer. 

 

that was the beginning of a long series- spanning almost 40 yrs!- of psych drugs and hospitalizations.

All along the way, I was plastered with one diagnosis after another, or several heaped on at once.

 

My physical health went downhill and I ended up a virtual shut-in, living my life all in my head, friendless, socially isolated to the extreme, my only contact with drs and therapists, leaving my house to go food shopping maybe twice a month.

This wasn't living, and I knew it. But I didn't know how to change things. I didn't know what was wrong. 

 

I spent over two thirds of my life believing I was mentally ill and *needed* to be on those drugs.

 

but at some point, it occurred to me that the drugs might actually be the problem, or at least, part of the problem.

I knew I had to get off them. and I did. The process and the pain of that is reported on my thread, I don't care to go back over it, at least not now.

I learned a lot along the way, but for now, I don't want to think about where I've been, I only want to think about where I am now, and the life I have before me.

 

 

Here I am, now, one year off all drugs, of all kinds. I rarely even take a ibuprofen for a headache.

 

I want to write my success story, but I'm not 100% ready yet

 

However I do have to say that what I feel most of all, is a great deal of pride in having survived.

I suffered all forms of abuse as a child, emotional, sexual, physical, verbal, went on to be a survivor of rape, of domestic abuse. I was abused within the mental health system.  I've spent virtually all of my adult life in poverty, raising my daughter as a single mom on disability due to "mental illness".

 

But today, I feel as if I've done more than just survive; I am thriving. I have friends. I have a very active social life. I volunteer and I feel like the work I do is making a difference, having an impact.

 

while technically I am still 'poor' by income, I don't go without anything I need, with the possible exception of good dental care   

I have a good life. 

 

 

 

Is my withdrawal journey over? I'm not sure.While I took my last dose of lexapro over a year ago, I feel like I am still having some symptoms that must be related to the nearly 4 DECADES on psych meds. BUT you need to know, these symptoms are extremely mild.  and after that long on so many different drugs, it stands to reason that there will be minor little tweaks that my brain will need to make, for some time to come.

 

I'd like to say that all that has faded into the background of my life, but to be honest:

I am more vigilant about them now, than at any time during active withdrawal- because I don't want to fall into a trap of thinking that any problems I may have mean that all those doctors were right, I'm permanently disabled by a mental illness and there's no hope for me. 

I am pretty sure that the only thing I suffer from is PTSD, and I don't see that as a mental illness so much as a natural reaction to extremely stressful, traumatic life events.

 

so Today I feel Victorious. I've overcome a lot and need to soak in that feeling of doing a good job

 

I don't often give myself credit for my achievements or feel like it's ok to feel good about them

but today,  I give myself permission to bask in this feeling.

 

it feels like the right and honest thing to do. 

 

I guess I just have to be different, I don't want to call this a success story because that sounds to me like the end, when in fact it is not. It's not really a beginning, either, because the beginning of my new life dates back to when I first realized that the drugs were the problem.

 

to me, this just feels like a victory over adversity- something to celebrate! so please, celebrate with me, and know that you are going to heal as well, those of you still going thru WD/recovery.

 

it's worth it, believe me

so very worth it!

 

I know you're probably not active on here but this was so lovely to read as it's sooo hard to find success stories here. I hope you're still doing well and are beyond proud of yourself 

[Happy2Heal]

On 2/2/2024 at 5:50 PM, howbxarre said:

know you're probably not active on here but this was so lovely to read as it's sooo hard to find success stories here. I hope you're still doing well and are beyond proud of yourself 

thank you so much
I really appreciate your kind words!

I am still around, I vowed that when I made it thru to the other side, I would try to do what I could to encourage others on this difficult journey. I know how much it meant to me to read the success stories when things were really rough! It gave me the strength to keep going, knowing it would all be over in time.

 

How are you doing? I see you are new, I will go and read your thread now

Welcome to the forum!

 

 

[JackieDecides]

On 1/29/2024 at 6:18 AM, Happy2Heal said:

but this ED doc is writing that my afib episode was MY FAULT for not taking a drug I was not supposed to be taking!

 

OMG I don't blame you for being angry, I feel the same on your behalf. it's exhausting to feel like you can't trust most/all of the the system we are attempting to get our "healthcare" from! 

 

Glad to hear you will be getting a new mouse or already have. 😍

[Happy2Heal]

just stopping in to say I'll be too busy to stop in a for a bit, so if I don't respond right away, I'm sorry....

but

I am moving!!

 

and in the process of taking a good look at my life and at my future, I realized I've been a member here for over 9 yrs!!

 

The information, support, and advice I've gotten here has literally been life changing and probably saved my life.

 

I feel profound gratitude that Alto started this site and that so many kind and dedicated and knowledgeable and generous people are here continuing to do this important work

 

I still come back here when I am stuck and need to brush up on my non drug coping skills

 

 

 

 

 

ok now back to my sorting and packing! I've got so much stuff I need to get rid of!! arggg!

 

 

 

 

[JackieDecides]

moving is hard work but I hope to hear you got a place you like out of it and will be interested to hear if you are in the same town. But I do not come here often myself and also am happy to hear if you are too busy with Real Life to hang out here. that's really the ideal situation for any of us! 

[Happy2Heal]

Quick update:
I've moved and I LOVE my new apt! the people here are so nice, it's a very supportive community

 

I do miss my mice (I can't have pet rodents here) There are many times I am doing something and think of them, something as simple as an empty toilet paper roll because I saved mine for the rats or gerbils or mice. Eating corn on the cob, because rodents really love those! 

what I've been doing is feeling that twinge of sadness and then focusing on what it was that I was so fond of (the way the rats relished eating corn) and honestly the way that most animals live in the moment and seem to truly enjoy all that is good in their world,

and so I am re dedicating myself to focusing on THAT - on the way they live their lives.

Truly immersing myself in the joy and not holding onto sadness, regret, anger, etc. Just living in the moment and letting feelings come and go. 

But really appreciating the good times. 

I'm re learning how to see the world the way kids and animals do- like the place full of wonders that it truly is.

🌞

 

Also when I miss having pets, I think about all the care that I gave them and how it felt good to do that, but, honestly- I was spending too much money and giving them more care than I had time or energy to give myself.

So my current goal is to take the time and spend the money, on the things that I need! esp for my health. In that spirit, I got new eyeglasses and new shoes and will probably be getting a new knee (my right one is just a mess)

It does feel awkward putting myself first this way, I've always put others before me, but I am growing to like it.😆  It puts me in a much better mood and that leads me to be a more pleasant person to be around, so really it's not a totally selfish thing to do.

 

 

 

I'm starting to get into a bit of a routine and that is very good for my health too. I'm keeping better hours, sleeping better and eating better. I've got 5-8 lbs that I want to lose and I need to work on building back some muscle and I'm doing that gradually.

 

Spring has sprung here and the flowering trees are beautiful. 🌻 I have a great view out my windows. I am growing lettuce indoors and still have my community garden plot one town over (so lucky they allowed me to keep it)

 

I've got all my old hobbies, sewing and such and I'm just very happy. And very busy!

 

I will be back in a month or so to help around the forum but for now I need this time to settle in and get my bearings and  take care of some health concerns.

 

I hope everyone is doing well

Edited April 17 by Happy2Heal

[Ariel]

Dear @Happy2Heal

It makes me very, very happy to read your update. Thank you so much for sharing this, what a gift!

You are amazing and a true inspiration. Sending you all my love and gratitude, and celebrating you!

[Marsha]

It is good to read that you are settling in and tending to your health. Your name says it all.