Phoenixmama: cold turkey after 3 weeks on Celexa

[Carmie]

On 1/13/2023 at 5:12 AM, Phoenixmama said:

I’m in a 95% real me window right now and have been for three hours , there’s no negativity here , I’m smiling , , I see a future and my heart is not heavy… I feel good about other people and understand them … I don’t feel that wall stopping me from going forward… I don’t want it to end 😭 “this is the real me totally opposite from wave me “ I see the positivity in everything like my real self , damn this is beautiful 🙃 the only symptom i have is being slightly scared this window wont stay long but i dont think thats a symptom just a normal fear..... damn its

beautiful , i also noticed that today is a sunny day , we here in california have had rain for over 3 weeks straight. maybe its the nice weather that brought me a window  🌴🙃

Such a beautiful post Phoenixmama, 

Wishing you lots more windows, thank you too for your kind message on my thread💛

 

[Phoenixmama]

new symptom thats sticking around , my nerves to from 0 to 100 in a half a second with any conflict , fear , worry , its like my body lights up and my nerves go wild and its nothing i can do to stop it , also today the chest pain started again and the down feeling , my cycle is due to start on the 31st but usually starts early so maybe thats the cause i sure hope so , so it can pass , i got my new apartment , its beautiful ,i will be fully moved in this Saturday.... so im sure thats been ruffling my wd's feathers lol I'm so sick of this crap , im tired, next month it will be 24 months, 2 whole years of my life .... i want off this rollercoaster !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Rosetta]

Hi phoenixmama,

 

Hang in there.  Rollercoaster, indeed.  Congrats on your new apartment.  What nice window you had.  Come back and read about it often.  That will keep your hope alive.

 

All my best, R

[Phoenixmama]

Today some head pressure , along with every time i move my head i feel like im going to throw up... its making me scared that its not wd , im now 23 months out and making it through life struggling from time to time well most of the time, im just use to it now.... exhausted 

 

[Rosetta]

Well, if it doesn’t change, if you have a consistent, unrelenting symptom, then I would worry, but head pressure is a very common symptom of WD.  I still get it sometimes.  I have felt nauseous, too.  
 

There are a number of nerves in the neck that can be pinched by the tightening of muscles — that tightening is a common symptom of WD.  When you turn your head, the nerves are probably being affected more intensely.  Cervical vertigo is the name for a condition that can cause nausea.  
 

Heat is the treatment that I would try.  A hot shower, a neck wrap or heating pad.  Try to relax the muscles in the neck and head.  I used to have success with that by putting my feet in warm water if I could not get a foot massage.

 

I hope you feel better soon, R

[Phoenixmama]

that sound good i cant wait to get off work and try one of those if not all , thank you for stopping by 🌞

[Phoenixmama]

im having really bad health anxiety , ive been through this why is it such a big deal today!!! its so overwheming , and it doesnt help that i work in a medical place... i have a cold or something which my doctor is telling me thats why i have chest pain ect , she even ordered me a ekg and some xrays and blood work im also very tired which is making me think im dying.... please pray i calm down i even starting to cry at my desk 

[Phoenixmama]

feb 28th 2023 i made it to my 24th month in wd from a adversed reaction to celexa  , i still feel off , im better at times , im still not sure if im still in wd or is this just me... last year i was better... i had more confidence to travel and go out and be social thats how i know when im in my normal state... since nov 2022 ive just been tired , having brain pain , dp dr , chest weirdness, a lot of worrying thoughts and just wanting to stay home besides having to go to work and take and pick up my kids from school.... the guilt from this feeling is killing me..... but part of me thinks im not the only one feeling this way because the world seems so crazy these days and weather here in the bay area California is not the norm with the extra cold temps and snow....i just recevied a book i ordered its called "the worry trick " i hope it helps... today i will be revisiting the adverse reactions success stories to help me cope and maybe see that just because im 24 months in and still having symptoms that sometimes it takes a little longer to be healed..... 

[Shep]

@Phoenixmama Yes, 24 months in is still early, so please don't think you won't heal. Lots of us take longer than that. But healing still happens. Let us know if you find some good tools in "The Worry Trick." Sounds like an interesting book. 

[Phoenixmama]

noticing this week while im reading, some words look like other words , drives me crazy , so now i have to reread everything  , is this a wd symptom or am i getting Alzheimer's 😭

[Phoenixmama]

when i stop to think how long i have went through each day feeling like this ( feeling off , like im drunk or on something , brain pain , intrusive thoughts, ect ) it makes me sad ☹️ how have i gotton this far , how do i drive to drop off my kids at school then over a bridge to get to work with these out of it symptoms ? all while trying very hard to keep it togther... it feels like im under the influance of something and thrown out into the world to function normally without messing up.... in the morning im fine im normal most days but then after a couple hours at work the wave comes.....   its like i dip in and out of waves all day.... im just leaving this here so i can look back at it in the future... i wish i could report that im healed 😔

[Embi]

You will get there! you have come so far already. It might not feel like you’ve made any progress, but all those small bits of healing are adding up 💛

[Sebas]

12 hours ago, Phoenixmama said:

in the morning im fine im normal most days but then after a couple hours at work the wave comes.....   its like i dip in and out of waves all day

What do you normally eat and drink for breakfast?

 

Paws may take time, but it will never defeat time, remember that. Acceptance is key.

[Phoenixmama]

@Sebas i was eating boiled eggs then stopped because i thought maybe it was the eggs , then i started with frosted mini wheats and still the same , cant be the sugar because i tested it i stopped eating it and still felt the same maybe the wheat ? idk i did eat white chocolate for the first time in two years tho so idk if its that , i have not drank coffee, ate chocolate , drank soda , or drank any tea tea in two years.....

[Sebas]

Chocolate (also the white one) contains lots of ingredients that affect withdrawal. Such as dopamines, caffein, endorphines, serotonine, tryptophane and lots of other neurotransmitters.  

 

L-Tryptophane is known for possible serotonine syndrom.

 

If the wheats contain cinnamon then this is a relatively strong anti inflammatory also affecting withdrawal.

 

Loose the chocolate, try a basic wheat with milk without additives, herbs etc.

 

Decaf coffee works fine with me and can't really taste the difference. 

 

Bye Sebas

 

 

[Phoenixmama]

@Sebas thank yoooooou!!!!!! i didnt know all this , im a bit envious of your decaf coffee 😭lol i just like the way coffee taste dont like the boost from it , so when i smell it i want it 🤤 , i wonder is the coffee ice cream  flavor safe to eat 🤔

 

[Sebas]

You're welcome. I doubt it 🤔. They dont offer decaf coffee where you live? 

[Phoenixmama]

@Sebas they do but ive been affraid to try it , i thought the white chocolate would be safer , i wopuld lovge a decaff ice coffee ☺️

[Phoenixmama]

new symptom thats making me feel like im getting dementia , I'll checking in a patient fir their app and while there looking for their medical card i look away to my phone to read a text and when i turn back my attention to the patient i feel like i was spaced out and maybe could have been a long time , its so hard to explain.... also when my kids ask me questions about stuff thats self explanitory or i dont feel like explaining to them because i cant think , i just say i dont know... not sure if its because i cant think or im just tired of thinking for them.... but the spaced out little moments are scaring me..... anyone have this ? also i should be getting my cycle in a few days and i am 44 now so maybe im entering peri 

[Phoenixmama]

from dec 2021 to nov 2022 , i notice i was in the windows and waves and it was much easier to go through wd (i traveled, and went where i pleased and planned for the future ) but now since nov 2022 its just been like waves of symptoms all the time , i wonder if im in protacted wd ? is there a certain pattern for protracted wd ? 

[Phoenixmama]

Thigh pain and cramps ugh , is this wd or something out of wd ? Anyone passing by here , if you’ve had it please comment 😊

[Phoenixmama]

easter 🐰day was a blessing , it was finally clear skys and hot here in california , i went to a planned easter bbq at the beach , that i have been worrying about if i was going to be in a wave or not and low and behold that whole day i was symptom free thank god , i ate and laid under the warm bright sun , walked around bare foot in the green grass ☺️ , no anxity no intrusive thoughts , no worrying , and i wasnt in a hurry or on edge i watched my children actively play with everyone it was beautiful ... i cried when i got home because i was over joyed, oh i also took them on a little trip to universal studios hollywood last week to the new mario world i had some symptoms but just did my best and we stayed there for 13 hours 😳 lol im very proud of myself for that and the plane rides wernt that bad , for that trip i did have intrusive thoughts ,anxity , feeling like i was going to die any minute lol but i stayed quite about it and put a smile on my face , although i did cry tears of happiness , seeing the smiles on my childrens faces , realizing everything theyve been through...... well thats my positive input today 

 

 

also i found out about thigh cramps and thigh pain are very common with kidney stones , even though my doctor said there is no relation between the two 😪🙄 but in my facebook kidney stone group more then 30 people said yes theyve had the thigh pains so boom doctors just dont know and thats so fustrating 

[Shep]

16 hours ago, Phoenixmama said:

i went to a planned easter bbq at the beach , that i have been worrying about if i was going to be in a wave or not and low and behold that whole day i was symptom free thank god , i ate and laid under the warm bright sun , walked around bare foot in the green grass ☺️ , no anxity no intrusive thoughts , no worrying , and i wasnt in a hurry or on edge i watched my children actively play with everyone it was beautiful ... i cried when i got home because i was over joyed, oh i also took them on a little trip to universal studios hollywood last week to the new mario world i had some symptoms but just did my best and we stayed there for 13 hours 😳

 

Wow, that's a brilliant update, Phoenixmama! Very glad to read you're doing better. Just don't overdo it, though. Congratulations on your great progress. 

[Rosetta]

Hi.  I’m so happy that you had wonderful day!  It’s great that you wrote about it, too, because you will not so easily discount its happiness later when you have a rougher day.  

The spaced out thing does happen.  Your brain is trying to fix itself, and you are expecting it to working properly while under construction.  We all do.  On an anxious day you worry about it; on a non-anxious day when you are not feeling pressure, you accept that it’s a normal occurrence (or a glitch in the Matrix, lol).

 

You are healing!!!

 

🧚‍♀️Rosetta

 

 

[Phoenixmama]

@Rosetta hi Setta , ok i have some questions , so im still not back to how good i was feeling last year 😔 im starting to think maybe ive entered peri menopause , ive been getting really bad symptoms around my ovulation time ( feeling off ,major instrusive thoughts and some other things ) i am 28 months into withdraw (three week adverse reation) , if im even still in it idk 😭 , any how, have you experienced peri menopause yet ? I'm thinking about taking evening prim rose but the only thing i have taken in 28 months is melatonin and tylenol . I've did some research on SA about the evening prim rose and all the post talked about how there was nobad reaction , and fish oil , im so scared to try anything , but need some releif from this peri menopause if thts the cause for me and these symptoms 

 

[Comecloser80]

On 4/23/2021 at 3:32 PM, Phoenixmama said:

I won’t, thanks so much , the 4am wake up call every morning makes more sense  now ... we sleep early 9pm and I have the 2 wake ups in the middle but more so get back to sleep... I can’t express how much better you’ve made me feel , I am not alone anymore 😅

@PhoenixmamaDo you still wake up at 4:00am ? I am off for almost 20 weeks and I do wake up around 4:00 am every single morning. 
 

[Phoenixmama]

Well it’s 4:07 am and I just woke up and ending up checking my emails lol but I don’t always wake up at 4 am sometimes I wake up and sometimes I don’t but thinking back to before I took the poison I did wake up normally but went back to sleep 

[Comecloser80]

@PhoenixmamaThank you for replying. Do you fall back to sleep once you wake up around 4:00am? Are you able to take a nap during daytime? 
I have lost my napping ability after being on these drug and worried that my napping capability wouldn’t come back. 

[Phoenixmama]

@Purae yes I fall back to sleep and yes I can take naps now😊 it’s been about over a year that I can take naps… your going to be ok ,it’s not going to last forever…. It gets better 

[Comecloser80]

@Phoenixmama🙏

[Rosetta]

On 5/5/2023 at 8:59 AM, Phoenixmama said:

@Rosetta hi Setta , ok i have some questions , so im still not back to how good i was feeling last year 😔 im starting to think maybe ive entered peri menopause , ive been getting really bad symptoms around my ovulation time ( feeling off ,major instrusive thoughts and some other things ) i am 28 months into withdraw (three week adverse reation) , if im even still in it idk 😭 , any how, have you experienced peri menopause yet ? I'm thinking about taking evening prim rose but the only thing i have taken in 28 months is melatonin and tylenol . I've did some research on SA about the evening prim rose and all the post talked about how there was nobad reaction , and fish oil , im so scared to try anything , but need some releif from this peri menopause if thts the cause for me and these symptoms 

 

I’m sorry that I never answered this!  I’m really slammed right now with too much to do and feeling less than optimal, but: Yes, I had peri-menopause and yes, it’s pretty awful for some people including me.  I think that being in WD and having peri-m is a very unfortunate combination.  
 

After much experience with PAWS, I don’t take chances.  Even magnesium was not safe for me except in a bath.  I stopped taking it by mouth.  So, I would avoid primrose for myself.  I definitely hear you when you say you need some relief!  If other people on SA say there was no bad reaction, it might be worth it to start with a low dose and carefully raise it.  The frustrating thing is that waves come no matter what you do, and I got tired of the intrusive thoughts focusing on whether something I ate or drank might have “caused” a wave.  Feeling guilty or “stupid” can’t happen if I didn’t take any risks, right? (lol, no, avoiding risks didn’t actually stop inappropriate, intrusive, guilty feelings, ha ha ha).  But it did keep me from wondering if any specific supplement caused a wave!

 

Twenty-eight months is such a long, long time to experience PAWS or “adverse reaction induced dysregulated nervous system disorder,” and then it’s not, really.  You are probably healing on much the same timeline as most of us.  On the other hand, it may be hard to tell the difference between peri-menopause and Dysregulation.  They are so similar.  Was that clear as mud?  Sorry, I only know that I’m still dealing with withdrawal instead of peri-m because . . . actually, I don’t know!  I believe I’m dealing with PAWS, mostly at least, but I have several peri-m symptoms.  It’s exhausting, I know.  I have to seize the day when it seems I’m having a good one and pull back when I’m not.  What starts off as a bad day can turn into a good one and vice versa.  I’m tired, but I’m not beaten.  I simply refuse to be beaten.  I do not “feel” that it’s possible that this is only peri-menopause, and I very rarely have even a little bit of blood.  So, I think I’m done with peri-m, and yet, boom, I get another hot-flash.  I did not have hot-flashes until the last few years.  Clearer?  There’s no real answer; I’m sorry.

 

🧚‍♀️Rosetta

[Phoenixmama]

Today I’m going to get a cracked molar extracted , they asked if I wanted bone grafting just incase I wanted an implant in  the future and I just said no , I’m too scared to add anything else, so I’ll be doing extraction with only Carbocaine (can’t spell it right now sorry ) no propofol this time because I don’t have anyone to pick me up to drive me home afterward … I am scared but I have to do it… I will update after a couple of days… pray for me who ever reads this , thank you in advance , (healthy anxiety through the ruff 

[Carmie]

I hope all goes well at the dentist dear @Phoenixmama, We certainly all have health anxiety due to what these meds have put us through. 
 

Sending hugs🤗

[Phoenixmama]

Can wd mimic menopause , I’m now 44 years old and 28 months past a adverse reaction and I don’t know if these symptoms are wd or early menopause? My gyno said I’m not in menopause but I don’t believe doctors anymore , I don’t have hot flashes or a hard time sleeping , I just have a lot of thoughts , instructive one amd feeling tired fatigue which causes me to think I’m dying and I have a disease lurking with in me ,…. I read up on peri menopause and some of the symptoms are the same as wd , any help would be greatly appreciated also I didn’t know where to ask this question

[Phoenixmama]

Am I in a wave ? Am I in peri menopause ? Am I losing my mind ? Do I have a disease I’m unaware of ? Am I lacking something? Man I feel like **** , and today I’m just tired of faking it I’m drained I am tired of the merry go round , but I am here still pushing through all for my little girl , I feel like I’m slowing wilting away… I was so much stronger and my self last year…. I miss those days of knowing yes this is a wave and yes I’m in a window and yes I am healing … These days I just don’t know anymore being 29 months out from a three week adverse reaction…. I’m trying my hardest but this week is hard , all I want to do is lay (fatigue?) and when I am up my body feels like it’s breaking down , also my eye sight has gotten so much worse , it’s like I can’t focus or something  making me not want to do normal things …. God if your reading this please cut me a little slack to get threw…. 

[Dutchsarah]

You got this. Just focus on getting through this day. Count the hours.

Hug your girl, even distracting your thoughts for 2 minutes is huge accomplishment on days like this. Sending you strenght and healing.