LotusRising: Buspar, Ativan

[LotusRising]

@Greatful

 

Thank you for the kind words 💕

 

The ear stuff is tough. It definitely sounds like it is a common symptom. I've had it for 3 weeks. I have had some minor improvements with slowing things down though, so I do get some relief on and off. I hope you do as well.

 

I look forward to the day when this is just a memory.

[Frogie]

@MedRN

 

I know it is the pits (with an sh), but you are doing so well. 

 

I think you could drop a dose, wait a day, and drop again. I would work on the 0400 one since it is giving you so many problems though.

 

I know it seems so far away, but you really are closer than you think. If we can get you as close to 0.010 to 0.005 I think you could jump off. I don't think you will get interdose wd getting off the 0400 dose. Hopefully, keeping my fingers crossed, eliminating that dose might actually help as it's giving you the most problems.

 

Try ibuprofen, tylenol, warm mineral oil and heating pad. Hopefully one of those will bring you some sort of relief.

 

 

[LotusRising]

@Frogie

 

I will try every other day and see how it goes. I didn't get the terrible reaction that I was fearing when I dropped my dose this morning, so I'm thankful for that. Just lots of head pressure. Heat seems to be the most helpful at the moment, so I'm sticking with that and hoping it passes.

 

Every time I think there is a pattern with doses it seems to shift. I had stopped waking early for that dose, but in the last week, I am waking quite symptomatic around 0300, waiting to take that next dose, so I may need to keep it in for now. 

 

I'm definitely happy getting as close to zero as possible  

[Frogie]

@MedRN

 

That sounds good. If you can go every other day that would be a little better. But if your symptoms get worse, then go to every 2 days like you have been doing.

 

I'm glad that the heat is helping some. Whatever helps at this point will be a relief for you.

 

Do you think you need to move your dose to 0300 since the time change? Because now you are taking it an hour later. That would be fine if it would keep you more comfortable and maybe you could get a little more sleep.

 

Symptoms love to move around unfortunately. Hopefully they will go away very soon for you.

 

[LotusRising]

11 minutes ago, Frogie said:

That sounds good. If you can go every other day that would be a little better. But if your symptoms get worse, then go to every 2 days like you have been doing.

 

That sounds super reasonable. I will give every other day a try and see how it goes. I'm trying to go with the flow, instead of having an endpoint in mind. It really set me back emotionally, when I knew I wasn't going to meet the initial schedule I had set out for myself. I think it makes way more sense to just let my body dictate how things go.

 

I think I'll just keep them all the same for now. I think if I move that one back, it may then affect my next dose, so I'll have to see how things play out.

[Frogie]

@MedRN

 

Sounds good. I hope it works.

 

I'll keep my fingers, eyes and toes crossed for you.

 

Keep me posted.

[Frogie]

@MedRN

 

I was just checking on your progress today.

 

Hopefully a little better.

[LotusRising]

@Frogie

 

Thanks for checking in. Bit of a frustrating day. The tightening is in my head and decided to react in my jaw, neck and ears today, quite painful, but got through it. Cried. Angry and sad at my situation, like I'm sure most of experience at some point or another. The last two days I have had moments of anxiety in the evening and almost a feeling of clearing in my brain, but it's like I'm having trouble processing it, if that makes sense. This evening, I just have a general sense of unease, like, what will happen next. Today was a hold day and I may just hold again tomorrow, depending on how the day goes.

 

Anyway, hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. Hope you had a good day

 

[Frogie]

@MedRN

 

I'm sorry to hear of such a frustrating day. Your body is just moving to different areas and hopefully it won't last long with the jaw tightening and such. Crying is ok, I did a lot of that going through withdrawal too. But I think sometimes it cleanses the soul. 

 

You can certainly hold if you need to again. 

 

I hope you feel just a bit better tomorrow.

[Frogie]

@MedRN

 

Thought I'd drop in and see how you were today?

[LotusRising]

Hi @Frogie

 

Up and down today. Tightening most of the day so far, but it has let up enough at times for me to get some yoga in and go for a walk, so just reminding myself that while it's not the greatest day, it's still better than where I was 4 months ago 😊 Lying around with almost constant tightening is a challenge for sure, but today it is more prevalent in my abdomen and rib area, so at least I haven't been in pain like I was yesterday. Is it normal to have symptoms every day? Or is this just because I'm going a little faster?

 

Did you have a lot of muscle tightening on your Xanax taper?

 

Another positive, is that my appetite is through the roof, so my body must be making up for all those calories it lost over those few weeks I could hardly eat. I've also gained a pound back, so I'm grateful for that!

 

 

 

[Frogie]

@MedRN

 

I never stopped eating, unfortunately I didn't have that problem. Now I'm paying for it by being on weight watchers lol...

 

It is very normal for your body to have symptoms and they can get worse the lower you go because your body is fighting you for more medication and you aren't supplying it. So it is throwing a "fit" of sorts. 

 

But it sounds like you are having a relatively good day. You went for a walk and yoga! That's wonderful.

 

I hope it keeps up for you. Enjoy the sunshine (if you are having any). We are this weekend, then possibility of snow again Monday. Spring in Colorado lol...

[LotusRising]

@Frogie

 

Your weather in Colorado sounds much the same as ours. I sat outside in my puffy coat to get a bit of sun today and it felt so good, but we are expecting snow on Sunday, so that's spring where I am as well 🤷‍♀️ 

 

Thanks for checking in! I appreciate it  

 

Enjoy your weekend! 

[Frogie]

@MedRN

 

Yeah sounds just like out weather.

 

Get the fresh air while you can.

 

Enjoy your weekend also!!

[Frogie]

@MedRN

 

Just thought I would check in with you.

[LotusRising]

@Frogie

 

I feel like I've been pretty miserable, but definitely having some small windows. Nights and early morning seem to be the worst at the moment. The ear and neck pressure/tension comes on pretty strong during the night and my already crappy sleep has become even crappier, only 1-2hrs a night ... 😢 I've spent a lot of time in bed feeling a whole range of emotions, but I'm still getting outside for short walks around the block. Thankful for that.

 

I know it will get better, but I feel as though I am barely tolerating the symptoms on some days. I suppose we all feel this way from time to time.

 

I'm really feeling the need to start speaking out about some of this stuff, just haven't figured out how I will go about it just yet. My husband quite literally thinks I should write a book.

[Frogie]

@MedRN

 

I know this is probably the hardest thing you have ever been through. I'm really sorry you are going through what you are.

 

These are all normal wd symptoms unfortunately, and I hope they lesson in time.

 

Just do lots of self care and you will make it through this. You are very strong and closer to the finish line than you were yesterday.😊

[LotusRising]

@Frogie

 

Yes, it definitely is. 
 

I have the utmost respect for all of you mods that are giving back to guide and help all of us along on our journey.
 

Much appreciation   

[Frogie]

@MedRN

 

You are welcome. I'm glad I can help.

 

You're going to make it😊

[LotusRising]

@Frogie

 

Just wanted to jump on real quick and say that today has been a really good day 🤩

 

It's hard to really articulate it all, but my mom and I went out shopping today and on our way home, I had the music up and my mom got tears in her eyes. Music has always been a huge part of my life and there was a long period of time in the beginning of my journey where our house had to be totally silent because of noise sensitivity and really, just to be able to focus on my breathing - this was extremely difficulty, especially with two kids. So, driving home today with the music blasting and the familiar goosebumps when it's a song I really love, she cried and I cried and I felt normal and she felt like she had her daughter back, and I felt like I had me back ❤️

 

If it doesn't last, at least I've had today, and I know that there are more good days to come.

[Frogie]

@MedRN

 

That is the best news I've heard today! 

 

Like you said, even if it doesn't last, you had a great day.

 

But I'll be crossing everything I can that it lasts and lasts.

 

Thank you for sharing. It made my heart happy.❤️

[Frogie]

@MedRN

 

I just wanted to check in with you.

[LotusRising]

@Frogie

 

Not as fantastic as the other day, but still feeling ok. It was my birthday yesterday, so you know how that goes as you get older 😟 But my kids were really excited and I was spoiled, as I usually am.

 

I've noticed the tightening is now occurring in random spots, whereas before it was always localized to either my chest, back or abdomen. I'm hoping it means my body is "fine-tuning" things and starting to wind down on all the tightening. It's hard to believe this has been happening daily since November - I would sure love to go a night without it, so I could get more than 3 hours of sleep!

[Frogie]

@MedRN

 

Happy birthday! I hope you had a really nice one. It sounds like your children are wonderful and love their mom. That is so special to be spoiled. Treasure it now, my oldest will be 40 this year and I'm lucky when I get a text happy birthday lol...

 

I think your body is trying to heal. I can't remember the exact description, but it's something like: When they work on a building, they have to start in one area, then move to another, only to go back to the first area, and on and on until it is finished.

 

Hopefully you will start re-building, so to speak. I hope you get some more sleep soon. But in wd, 3 hours is wonderful! I'd sure take it right now.😊

 

You're one day closer to to end. Have a great weekend!

[Frogie]

@MedRN

 

Just checking in to see how you are doing?

[LotusRising]

@Frogie

 

To be honest, not that great. I’m in a ton of pain in my neck and ears. It’s been ongoing now since 700pm last night. No sleep, just pain. I am at a loss as to why, or if there is even a reason - there seems to be no pattern at the moment. The pain gets a little bit better right before my dose, but then starts ramping up an hour or two after I take it.
 

I have slowed my taper right down, only reducing one dose every third day for over two weeks now. I’m feeling so desperate for pain relief and crying all the time. I don’t know how people get through this. Tylenol and ibuprofen are doing nothing 😢 

[Frogie]

@MedRN

 

Do you think you could handle a decrease the next 2 days in a row. Pick the 2 doses that are causing the most problems and see if that might relieve it a little?

 

I'm so hoping that might help just a bit.

[LotusRising]

@Frogie

 

Are you thinking too much drug has built up? I was wondering this yesterday. 

[Frogie]

@MedRN

 

That's what my idea was. That's why I wondered if you felt you could do a drop?

[LotusRising]

@Frogie

 

I am due for a drop today anyway. I have had some relief since about 1100, but I feel the pressure building again. I was going to wait and drop my 2200, but if it gets terrible again, I may do my 1600 instead and try for 2200 tomorrow.

 

I should really just go with my gut. The 2200 dose has been trouble for the last 3 nights. 
 

My appetite has been through the roof again, so I hope it means my body is doing a lot of repair work. 

[Frogie]

@MedRN

 

At this point I would go ahead a drop the 1600 and 2200 dose and see how you do. You could always drop the other ones tomorrow, if you feel the need.

 

I'm glad your appetite is up. That is good news that your body is slowly healing and needs the extra calories at the moment. And you'll gain some weight which is definitely needed.

 

Keep me posted please.

[LotusRising]

@Frogie

 

Ok, that might work. I’m always so worried about making symptoms worse, but they are truly quite bad right now anyway. 
 

thanks so much for your feedback. I appreciate the support so much. 

[Frogie]

@MedRN

 

We will all cross our fingers, toes and eyes and hope it helps.

 

You are very welcome that is what I am here for, to help you.

 

Please let me know how it goes, good or bad.

[LotusRising]

@Frogie

 

Do you think there's any merit in trying to switch to diazepam at this point in my taper? What do you consider an equivalent dose? I don't really know much about diazepam at all.

 

I am feeling like I am in a constant state of withdrawal, having never really stabilized on clonazepam, due to my body's sheer disdain for this drug. I'm feeling so frustrated and doubtful of my ability to complete this taper. The muscles in my neck have been tightening again since 330pm and I am in constant pain again. I've done all the things - heat, epsom salt bath, ice, Tylenol, ibu - nothing is working. It's like my body is simultaneously requiring the drug, but also needing less of it all at the same time. I am feeling so helpless. If these physical symptoms would just get out of my head area, I feel like it would be so much more manageable. 

[Frogie]

@MedRN

 

At this point I don’t think diazepam would be a wise move. You need to be on 1-2 mg before that would even be an option and you are so low now.

 

I hope the go away soon, unfortunately it’s your body just craving it and you won’t give it what it wants. Essentially it is throwing a fit and punishing you.

 

Hopefully you’ll feel a little better very soon.

 

 

[LotusRising]

@Frogie

 

Ok, I figured it would be a stretch,but thought I’d get your input anyway. I’m sure it would be wildly confusing for my body even if I had been at a higher dose. 
 

I will just need to suck it up and keep going, as tough as it is. 
 

* Today, I am thankful I can eat and have a great husband to support me.