LotusRising: Buspar, Ativan

[LotusRising]

@Frogie

 

The double drop seemed to help quite a bit   - abdomen tightened a lot overnight (tolerable), but not my neck, and I was able to sleep quite a bit better. My muscles overall are very tight, but I suppose that is nothing new. We'll see how it all plays out over the next couple days when my body is adjusting. 

[Frogie]

@MedRN

 

I'm so glad that you were able to get a little relief and some sleep.

 

I hope the next drop will bring more relief to you😊

[Greatful]

@MedRN Boy do I feel for you......you can't seem to win.....The drug is a problem in it's self but yet you have to go through WD also.......I am also tapering when in WD from my Lexapro and the adverse affect......We can do this one day at a time....

 

.You are so close to the end hang in there.......I don't remember if I told you about Bayliss Fredericks website   https://baylissa.com/    or the book I bought  Recovery and Renewal? She recovered from Benzo protracted withdrawal.  

she has a lot of helpful information and idea's both on her website and her book

 

This is a little something/part I read in her book when she talks about acceptance 

Acceptance/a mindfulness approach 

 

Imagine that you are on your way home.  You know without doubt you will arrive.  You look ahead and notice there is a massive traffic jam.  You are stuck.  There is no way out but through.  All you can do is resign yourself to waiting.  This is withdrawal

[LotusRising]

@Greatful

 

Thanks for reaching out. Yes, it's the absolute worst trying to decipher WD from adverse effects, especially when they often seem one and the same 😣 But, it is what it is I guess. The last few days were really tough for me and the negative thoughts were certainly in my head, but today is better. I usually feel good the day of, or after a reduction and then my body realizes what's happened and is like, what the heck have you done?! I can't wait for the day, when it realizes and doesn't react. What a blissful day that will be. The good days are such a nice reminder that things can and will be better.

 

How are you doing/feeling on your taper?

 

Yes! I think you are the one who directed me to her website. I have listened to many of her meditations on the days that are tough. How did you find her book? I have thought about ordering it, but worried it might be a tough read while still in the trenches, so to speak. 

 

I have heard this "There is no way out but through" said before. Isn't it just the truth. It's such a challenging journey that we're on, but we will get through it.

 

[Greatful]

@MedRN  

I can relate to feeling better the day you cut.....I get that too, brain feels clearer and more sane.

I am a ultrarapid metabolizer of the Lex so I can feel things pretty quick....Then the next several days can be really bumpy....I am  around 9 days out from my last cut.  I have some bumpy days but I am feeling better today..........And yes it will be a blissful day when our brain and body work right........We can get back to life, family, friends..........

 

I ordered the book from Amazon I think you will be able to read it... Take your time......She has a lot of information and also she puts in some of her journal entry's ........Some success stories, list of symptoms...She has a way with letting you know that we will heal........You are healing all the time...every minute..

 

 

 

 

[LotusRising]

@Greatful

 

Yes, absolutely clearer! I metabolize clonazepam quickly as well and have to dose 4 times a day. It's inconvenient, but what can you do. I would love to just make a 10% reduction and be done with it for the month! Micro-tapering definitely has it's challenges - though I suppose they all do!

 

I've always been really active, so this whole process has been really challenging, but I just recently got into yin yoga - wow, is it amazing for stretching and relaxation. If you haven't tried it, it's definitely worth checking out. I do Yoga with Kassandra on YouTube. As I get lower in my dose, my muscles seem to be getting a lot tighter, so this is helping, although I have to say if you try it, go easy on yourself. I really paid for it the next day when I did one of the poses. My withdrawal body is certainly not the same as my pre-withdrawal body, but it's slowly getting there. 

[Frogie]

@MedRN

 

Just checking in with you.

[LotusRising]

Hi @Frogie

 

Doing well so far today  

 

My body had a bit of a crappy night once it recognized the double drop, but it's been okay since. I've felt mostly normal so far today, hoping it continues.

 

Hope you're well!

[Frogie]

@MedRN

 

That's wonderful. Glad you are doing better😊

[Frogie]

@MedRN

 

Thought I would check in real quick😊

[LotusRising]

@Frogie

 

Its been a rough weekend - getting a lot of nerve pain. I hope it means healing is happening, but it’s a very difficult symptom to deal with ☹️ Hopefully it will pass soon …

[Frogie]

@MedRN

 

I think your body is just fighting because it wants more of the medication and you won’t give it to it. 
 

Healing happens like this also. It jumps from one place to another.

 

You are so close to the finish line though. 
 

Hang in there.

[Frogie]

@MedRN

 

How are you today?

[LotusRising]

@Frogie

 

Having some tough days. Really hoping for things to start looking up. 

[Frogie]

@MedRN

 

I hope they do too. I think they will turn around soon.

[LotusRising]

@Frogie

 

I really hope so. I’ve been in so much pain for the last 3 nights. I almost think I’m having more pain from taking the drug than I am from withdrawing from it. Makes me want to just stop taking it and get it all over with. Its been constant intense pain since 1100pm last night. Ice/heat is barely doing anything. 

[Frogie]

@MedRN

 

You are at .087 mg total? Or how much lower are you know.

 

I just want to get you as low as you can before you jump off. I jumped off at way too high at Lexapro and regret it now.

 

If you can get below .05 mg, you might be able to jump off and see how you do.

[LotusRising]

I’m currently at .08mg. I can’t seem to stay on top of my body’s reactions to the drug and have had this pain overnight for the last 3 nights. A drop every third day is too long and every second day seems too short. I feel like I’m constantly chasing symptoms and there seems to be no rhyme or reason.  It has been letting up to a point during the day and then hits hard again overnight. I’m literally still reacting to almost every single dose I take. Yesterday afternoon was the first time in weeks that I didn’t react. But again, there seems no real reason for that when I look back through my notes. 

 

I even resorted to a sleeping pill last night, which I have never done and even that didn’t put me out. Ive been alternating heat and ice and regular painkillers do nothing. I don’t know how else to cope ☹️ I’ve been so close to going to hospital for pain control, but I really don’t expect they can do much for me. 

[Frogie]

@MedRN

 

Do you think you could do a couple of reductions for a couple of days in a row and see if that combats the symptoms a little?

 

I just want you get as low as you can before you jump because jumping too high can give you symptoms that can be worse than you have now.

 

You are so strong willed and look how far you've come. You are going to make it out of this. It's spring and the flowers are starting to wake up, maybe distraction of nature would help?

[LotusRising]

Yes I can try that. I don’t really want to just stop at this point, but when the pain doesn’t let up, it’s really daunting to keep going, but I definitely fear worse symptoms. 
 

My last reductions:

 

Mar 28 - dropped 1600/2200 (good relief that night)

Mar 29 - held (mild

symptoms during the day, started feeling worse around 1500, ear pressure overnight, but manageable)

Mar 30 - held (symptoms manageable throughout day and overnight)

Mar 31 - dropped 1000 (hadn't dropped this one in 11 days, symptoms manageable throughout day, but overnight pain exceedingly difficult to manage)

Apr 1 - dropped 2200, hoping for overnight relief but got none, really bad pain again overnight)

Apr 2 - held (really bad day, neck/ear pain most of day, almost went to hospital, pain overnight but somehow got some sleep)

Apr 3 - held (mostly manageable daytime symptoms, really excruciating pain again overnight in back and neck, started 0040, until 0900 following morning)

Apr 4 - dropped 0400 (manageable daytime after 0900, pain started again with reaction to 1600 dose up until now - still have neck pain)

 

What are your thoughts? If you want more detailed notes for a clearer picture, please let me know. I’d be happy to type them out. 

 

[Frogie]

@MedRN

 

Why don't you try dropping the the 2200 dose. That is giving you the most pain it looks like. Then maybe try the 0400 dose and see if brings a little relief.

 

What do you think?

[LotusRising]

So, 2200 today and 0400 tomorrow? Just wondering what your thinking is about the 0400 vs. the 1600/2220 today. Are you thinking it's a bit more time between reductions?

[Frogie]

3 minutes ago, MedRN said:

So, 2200 today and 0400 tomorrow? Just wondering what your thinking is about the 0400 vs. the 1600/2220 today. Are you thinking it's a bit more time between reductions?

No, if you feel comfortable enough you could do the 1600 and 2200 today. Then maybe hold one morning to see how the 2200 goes and drop the 0400.

[LotusRising]

Ok, I'll have to think about it. My neck pain has now moved into a very intense headache, so I think I must be feeling my 0400 drop from yesterday. Hoping my 1000 dose will help soon. I guess I'll have to see how things go today.

[Frogie]

@MedRN

 

I'm sorry I didn't see the last post until just now.

 

How did you do, and what did you decide to do?

[LotusRising]

@Frogie

 

I dropped my 1600, but then got worried and decided not to do the 2200 - I'm just trying to decide if I should do the 2200 dose tonight.  I had less of the nerve pain overnight, but still enough that I couldn't sleep at all - I think I only slept about an hour or so. Today has been manageable, but still reacted for over an hour to my 1000 dose. 

[Frogie]

@MedRN

 

If I were you I would try dropping the 2200 dose and see how you do since you got little sleep.

I'm sorry you are reacting so much. Hopefully it will let up for you very soon.

[LotusRising]

@Frogie

 

I have no idea how I even got through the last 4 days. These drugs are so awful.

 

Yes, I think I was leaning toward reducing the 2200 as well. 

 

My body will stop reacting at some point, right? I know you can't answer this definitively, but with other people, this happens when they get lower, even if they've had a symptomatic taper?

[Frogie]

@MedRN

 

Your body will eventually stop all this madness and return to normal. I just wish I knew when.

 

Glad you decided to to another reduction, hopefully that will help.

[LotusRising]

@Frogie

 

Do you think the reductions over the last 3 days could have caught up to me today?

 

I had minimal symptoms throughout the day, until just before my 1600 dose. Since then, my ears have been starting to hurt and getting worse. I would have thought they would start feeling better after I took my dose, but they haven't. I would think that if they minimize when my dose peaks, it is just a withdrawal reactions, and not just levels being too high? What do you think? I also had tolerable symptoms yesterday.

 

It's getting so hard to decipher adverse reactions from WD symptoms as I get lower and lower. 

 

Apr 4 - dropped 0400

Apr 5 - dropped 1600

Apr 6 - dropped 2200

Apr 7 - currently holding

 

LAst dropped my 1000 dose on March 31

[Frogie]

@MedRN

 

I think it’s horrible wd symptoms and they will hopefully let up. You’re body is reacting in different areas and being “angry” per se” because you won’t give it more an taking it away.

 

You could try to hold a day or 2 and see if it helps at all.

[LotusRising]

@Frogie

 

Yes, I think I’ll do a hold tomorrow as well. 

[Frogie]

@MedRN

 

Just doing my daily check in😊

[LotusRising]

@Frogie

 

Last night was not great at all 😣 The ear pain lasted well into the night and then I had what I can only describe as ear tightening/tension until about 0600. I then reacted at 0700 to my 0400 dose, so it has all been one big crapshoot. Started feeling better around 0930 this morning. Hoping it will continue throughout the day today. I don't think I've slept more than a couple hours over the last 4 or 5 nights. I feel just ragged.

[Frogie]

@MedRN

 

I'm sorry to hear all of that. I hope you continue to get some reprieve and can enjoy the day.

[LotusRising]

@Frogie

 

Definitely not one of my better nights, but I did get through it and I just keep reminding myself that I can do this.

 

I did start to feel a little better later this afternoon and it's a nice sunny day here, one of the nicest we've had so far  

 

After holding for yesterday and today, do you think it's a bad idea to reduce a dose? I was thinking of dropping the 0400 dose if all continues to go okay for the rest of the evening and overnight.