LunaLex: Lexapro Crash after unsupervised taper

[Ariel]

Hi there @TentacleFinn

Wow, you've been doing a lot! 

 

I'm sorry you've received this bad news about your apartment. I can see how that would be really challenging to hear, especially right now while you're still trying to stabilize. I'm glad getofflex is guiding you through reinstatement and dose adjustments. 

 

Not to be a nag, I just can't help but notice your daily rhythm is quite nocturnal and rather irregular. I really believe it could be supportive to sleep, stabilization, stress management, etc. to recalibrate for a boring old-fashioned evening bedtime, morning wake-up. You may be doing yourself a disservice by working against your own biology. Here's a link to a fact sheet overview on circadian rhythms: https://nigms.nih.gov/education/fact-sheets/Pages/Circadian-Rhythms.aspx 

 

Thank you for your kind message the other day. It meant a lot. 

Sending you and Luna a hug,

A.

 

 

 

[LunaLex]

Youre not a nag and I appreciate the care! It is going to take me a while to work on the bedtime. I have had a bedtime ranging from 1am to 6am for a decade and a half now. The early sun has always made me feel stressed and deeply unhappy and I usually work nightshift. Currently I feel stressed and anxious till the evening and since my partner and friends all work afternoons and nights I take advantage of the hours to sit with them and watch things, or play games and breathe and relax. 

 

I know in the long term a better sleep cycle may help, but currently it is so isolating that being up late feels better for my stress, coping wise. The first two weeks i tried it I felt much worse. And after being this way even as a child (I would fall asleep on my desk in school till midday and drive my parents and teachers mad) I am afraid that it is more destabilizing to me currently to change and fight against something that had always come "naturally".

 

But I would happily be proven wrong l, if it truly would make things better! I am trying to step carefully andso I have been sticking to what feels good emotionally, but if it really is worse I want to do my best to heal!

 

I am aiming for a 1am bedtime! First step is gonna be 2:30. 

[getofflex]

31 minutes ago, TentacleFinn said:

I am aiming for a 1am bedtime! First step is gonna be 2:30. 

Yes, take this in gradual small steps, sort of like a taper.  👍

[getofflex]

14 hours ago, TentacleFinn said:

Slept pretty well!! 5~8:30, 8:30~12 Real sleep. 12~1:40 lightly.

 

 

14 hours ago, TentacleFinn said:

26|5

12 Fragmented sleep, slept maybe 2-5 hours.

This is fantastic!  You're sleeping now without a benzo!  This is a significant improvement.  I'm very sorry to hear about your apartment being sold.  I'm sure that is a stressor.  

 

14 hours ago, TentacleFinn said:

How can I recover my nervous system and bring down anxiety when I will be constantly waiting for weeks or months to find out if I will be turned out of here?

It must be very frustrating to have to deal with this, especially now of all times!  Grrr, that darn Murphy.  (Murphy's law).  My best suggestion would be to try and take it just one day at a time, and try hard not to think and worry about the future.  However, at the same time, hopefully get out and look at other places to live when you can.  Perhaps you could enlist your partner's or friends help with this.  I know, it really sucks.  

 

12 hours ago, TentacleFinn said:

And when I got home I cuddled with my cat and felt relaxed for the first time in week, slept for 8 hours in some good chunks with deep sleep and rather than being punished for pushing myself, yesterday was my second best window yet. I wish it was the best, but still! My symptoms yesterday were a lot lot better to cope with, Only bothered by some dizziness and DP and anhedonia, and later in the day I caught myself dancing and singing while doing the dishes. 

I think you are making a remarkable recovery, especially considering how bad your withdrawal was only 2 weeks ago!  Keep up the great work!  

[Altostrata]

Hello, @TentacleFinn 

 

You seem to be coping the best you can. Bad news about the apartment. Perhaps you and your partner might find a new one as soon as possible rather than experience the anxiety of waiting to hear?

 

If I might suggest, you might change your melatonin schedule. The natural melatonin cycle is from dusk to dawn (then cortisol takes over). When you take melatonin off that schedule, you reinforce an artificial sleep-wake cycle. Suggest you take melatonin no later than 9 p.m., dim the lights, and start to move your bedtime closer to midnight. This can help strengthen your sleep, because it's working with your natural biorhythm rather than working against it.

[LunaLex]

Hi @Altostrata!

 

Thank you for dropping by! I've started looking at places on the suggestion from my mother, and Lex said the same thing. I need to take it gently, however, as currently looking makes me spiral into panic.  

 

My sleep isstarting to recover at this time. If I choose to keep my bed time at 1~2am is that a problem for healing or advice? I value what you and Lex and Ariel say but the hours between 10 and 2 are keeping me sane currently. I will be isolating myself if I go to bed at midnight, so I really want to try and just pull it back to 1 or 2, if it is not making things worse. 

 

I have been tracking my symptoms and while my physical and emotional symptoms are healing well, my Depersonalization and Anhedonia are the same, if not worse on same days. I know Anhedonia can be from Lexapro but is DP/DR an adverse effect or just slow to heal WD?

[Altostrata]

14 hours ago, TentacleFinn said:

I know Anhedonia can be from Lexapro but is DP/DR an adverse effect or just slow to heal WD?

 

Post-discontinuation recovery from these symptoms can be very slow. 

 

Suggest you take melatonin earlier, even if you go to bed at 1 a.m., to correspond to your natural biorhythms.

[LunaLex]

On 4/27/2022 at 4:42 AM, getofflex said:

 

 

This is fantastic!  You're sleeping now without a benzo!  This is a significant improvement.  I'm very sorry to hear about your apartment being sold.  I'm sure that is a stressor.  

 

It must be very frustrating to have to deal with this, especially now of all times!  Grrr, that darn Murphy.  (Murphy's law).  My best suggestion would be to try and take it just one day at a time, and try hard not to think and worry about the future.  However, at the same time, hopefully get out and look at other places to live when you can.  Perhaps you could enlist your partner's or friends help with this.  I know, it really sucks.  

 

I think you are making a remarkable recovery, especially considering how bad your withdrawal was only 2 weeks ago!  Keep up the great work!  

Thank you so much Lex . I am so thankful I have been getting some sleep and I'm trying hard not to use the benzos, I know stable and slow is important. 

 

I am trying hard to focus on how good my windows have been. Yesterday I actually felt like MYSELF, no DP. I am trying to celebrate that!! My sleep is 4~7 hours on average, my nausea is gone,  I can engage in things now and have an appetite!

 

I would punch Murphy though! Im back in a  wave since last night and trying not to be overwhelmed. Neuroemotions are scary! Till now a lot of my strong emotions didn't feel like me, so I could go "Oh, withdrawal, hello." Now the emotions feel like someone took my own feelings and then dialed them up to be overwhelming. 

 

Neuroanxiety led to me causing a fight with my partner. I WOKE UP still feeling soulcrushingly guilty when he isnt even mildly annoyed!

 

I started talking to a psychologist this week though, who I am excited about. I also started Yoga today and I have SA to thank for both. 

[Ariel]

What a marvelous update, TF! You are healing by leaps and bounds. 

I'm happy for you about the windows and impressed with the proactive steps you are taking to nurture your well-being. Great job <3

Sending you a hug and a high five

[getofflex]

4 hours ago, TentacleFinn said:

I would punch Murphy though! Im back in a  wave since last night and trying not to be overwhelmed.

🤣  I'll join you.  I hate that guy. 

 

4 hours ago, TentacleFinn said:

Neuroanxiety led to me causing a fight with my partner.

Been there, done that, got that t-shirt.  In fact, I unfortunately did that several days ago.  Thankfully, all is well between us now.  

 

You have come quite a long way in a short time!  Kudos! 

[LunaLex]

Daily Journal Update.

26|4 Continued

4pm Quick oats. Dizzy, derealization, feels like blood is all in head. Chest tight. Lots of cryin

5:30pm 0.35mg Lexapro

10pm  A little calmer, head pounding less, less dizzy, no crying.

Midnight Finally calm enough to make dinner. Very tired.

1am eat.

3am 1mg melatonin.

4am Bed.

530am sleep.

 

27|4

10:50 am Awake, heart pounding, sweating.

12midday Trying to rest and breathe. Struggling to calm.

1;30pm Dozed badly. Sit on couch in sun with cat. Feel shaky, heart pounding. Very tired probably from anxiety.

2:30pm new psych called. Talked for an hour. Shakyness mild, heart better, ate an apple.

5pm Eating english muffins, 0.35 mg lexapro. Made a scary call. Moderate dizzyness, mild to moderate DP|DR and anhedonia. Tired but calm now.

630pm Had to run for train.

7pm Arrive, feeling weird again this week while sitting at the Pub - More derealised and anxious than normal.

8pm Groceries, feeling okay now and good mood.

10pm Playing games and enjoying self.

11pm - Stand up to work on dinner, feeling heart poundy, dizzy and odd.

Midnight - 1mg melatonin. Eating, feeling fine emotionally but odd. lightheaded, very dizzy, heart fluttery, chest tight.

2am doindishes while winding down for bed, dizzyness and panic symptoms eased.

3am Feel feverish, achey and sore throat.  200Ibuprofen.

4am tryinf sleep

 

28|4

Slept well 410-820, 830-1015, 1020-1150. 7 hours in 3 blocks.

Lightly 12-1240, 1-140.

2pm Still a bit sleepy but get up. Minor chest tension. Feeling a bit sickly. Feel good emotionally.

3pm Feeling calm and sleepy, anhedonia and DP are low so far. Bit of a low appetite.

4pm-430 Eating english muffins and small decaf. Very sleepy.

430pm 0.35mg Lexapro

5pm Wave of feeling jittery and a bit heart racey. 

6pm cleaning, no longer tired and jitters passed.

8pm at Trivia, mildly anxious, mild chest tension, lil DR, otherwise normal and good!!

11pm Home. Kicked toe earlier and pain is still quite bad. Mild dizzyness, anxiety.

12-Dinner and melatonin 1mg

5am spiraled after disagreement with partner sent me into hard neuroemotions and darkness for hours. Trying to sleep but struggling.

 

29|4

Fell asleep at 6:40.

Fragmented sleep 3 1/2-4 hours.

12:30- Waiting for agent to arrive, struggling with anxiety and neuro guilt.

2pm eating muffins, moderate anxiety & neurosadness and guilt

3pm dozing off onfloor, symptoms same.

330pm Layed down for half an hour, heart  poundy and no nap so back up.

5pm 0.35mg Lexapro. Heart and chest feelings|tension, face feels hot, physical/emotional anxiety moderate.

7pm just finished a gentle yoga class . Dispelled the physical anxiety . Frustrated that brain wouldnt quiet allow me to be fully present. Mental anxiety down, neuroguilt eased.

8pm Got home, guests here. Ate some cake with herbal tea and chatted. Moderate DP while talking to them.

9pm Hot shower. Dp mild. Some anxiety, fatigue, dizzyness. 

11:30pm Dinner time! Soup.Melatonin 1mg

4am bed, tired and feeling out of it but too anxious to sleep

450am finally asleep

 

30|4

Slept 4:50~8, 8~12. Dozed lightly till 2pm. 7 good hours!

2pm Up and sitting in sun with cat.

3pm Decaf and muffins. Feeling moderate mental anxiety, tight chest and ruminating.

 

[LunaLex]

Its possible updose day today so I thought I would breakdown the improvements and issues from my symptom tracker. Even the jump to 0.35 brought a lot of improvement over 0.25. 

 

Sleep has improved when I can control anxiety. On a good night I can get 7 hours in a few chunks. A bad night is about 3. 

 

Nausea is gone, appetite is improved. Brainzaps are low, body zaps and muscle twitches are 0, morning cortisol is no longer bringing chills or shakes. Cogfog is way better most days. Crying spells are much improved. 

 

Main continually high (6+) symptoms:

Dizzyness in evenings, 5~8.

Lightheadness, same. 

Worsened mood 5~7. 

Physical anxiety and tension is down a bit, it no longer hits 10. But 5~8 fluctuation. 

DP and DR are down, 4 when its good or 6 when its bad. 

Anhedonia is 6 during bad hours. 

Fatigue often a 6. 

Rumination, Spirals and Catastrophizing are all still too high to handle. Windows are 5, most days they're a 7. They've hit 8 lately. 

 

[Ariel]

TeFi, you are a world-class symptom tracker. Truly. Your journal posts are inspired.

Glad you are seeing improvements. I know it's a mixed bag. You are wise to notice the good with the bad. 

I remain impressed with your capacity to keep doing what you need to do through it all. Scary call, pub, new psych, groceries, trivia, yoga, guests, dishes... No small feat! You are living your life, and that's a big deal.

Great job, braveheart xx

 

[Altostrata]

You need to take that small amount of escitalopram at a consistent time o'clock every day. You are taking it in a 4-hour window. This is far too large, it could be causing many of your symptoms. This makes it impossible to interpret your symptom pattern.

 

Please correct this and let us know your symptom pattern after you've taken your drugs at the same times o'clock for 5 days.

[LunaLex]

1 hour ago, Altostrata said:

You need to take that small amount of escitalopram at a consistent time o'clock every day. You are taking it in a 4-hour window. This is far too large, it could be causing many of your symptoms. This makes it impossible to interpret your symptom pattern.

 

Please correct this and let us know your symptom pattern after you've taken your drugs at the same times o'clock for 5 days.

I was trying to pull it back by half an hour a day since Lex said I should be able to pull it back by half an hour to an hour a day. 

 

The timings have slowly moved back but only by two hours, since the 18th. I did mess up on the 22nd. 

 

18|4 6:20pm

19|4 6pm 

20|4 6pm

21|4 6pm

22|4 630pm

23|4 6pm

24|4 5:30pm

25|4 5:30pm

26|4 5:30pm 

27|4 5pm

28|4 4:30pm 

29|4 5pm

30|4 4:30pm 

 

Am I moving it too slowly? Or is half an hour late on the 29th an issue? Was the 530 to 430 jump too fast? This week has all been within an hour. I was trying to pull it back by like an hour every 4 days or so, to get to 2pm. 

 

I am intending to take 0.5mg at 4:30pm tomorrow, and for 4days, then move it back to 4pm on the 5. I can take the 0.5 for 5 days straight at 4:30, if that allows for more clarity. 

My neuro emotions and anxiety in light of my life situation are still unmanageable, the stress is heightening things and I cant be this way and make it through moving. 

[Altostrata]

My apologies, I misunderstood. Please continue to gradually change your drug schedule. An hour at a time probably will not be too fast.

[LunaLex]

Thank you Alto, sorry if my post was too much, I was worried I had made a mistake as I am trying very hard to follow advice, thank you for your support. 

 

Sometimes journaling my symptoms is hard, as it doesnt really include when i am feeling good, so it feels like endless complaining about woes!

 

getofflex, I am taking 0.5 today but I would appreciate your opinion on this. I am confused about holding, how long and where to do so.   My drop from 5 to 2.5 had some mild to moderate emotion and anxiety issues but it was definitely my most WD normal. Im hopeful about improvements I have seen already but I do also want to reach that point of stability and engaging in life again. Hopeful thinking that could be below 2.5

 

I hope everyone is having a lovely weekend.

[LunaLex]

getofflex, I saw an email that you commented but it seems to have disappeared, I hope you see this as I am still keen for your advice as above. 

 

I seem to have some sort of virus - not covid- and since last nights ibuprofen wore off I felt jittery and horrible anxiety all today, way through till night. Hoping its a wave from the virus as I may need to take an ibuprofen for the fever, havent felt this anxious since last week. 

 

30|4 and 1|5 Journal

30/4 continued

430pm 0.35mg Lexapro. Walk to favourite  grocery, feeling excitement. Anxiety easing.

8pm Headache starting 

10pm 2x 200mg Ibuprofen. Anxiety low,  feverish, body aches, bad headache. 

Midnight - Dinner. Melatonin. Feeling less sick. 

3am Headache and fever again. 

330am 200mg ibuprofen

4am bed, cant sleep, cortisol? ibuprofen? bit jittery, heart racing, scalp chills. 

7am finally asleep.

 

1|5

Fragmented, light sleep. 4 hrs total between 720 and 1140. 

12 Trying to rest bc fluish.  Tired but heart fluttering, restless feeling in legs, jittery.

2pm Up on couch in sun wrapped in blanket. Moderate (7) Physical anxiety.

3pm Shokupan & Decaf . Physical anxiety down to 6, calm mentally. 

4:30pm Take 0.5mg Lexapro.

6pm Jittery and heart fluttery, physical anxiety up 7

9pm Waves of chills.  Mental getting worse

1030pm Palpitations and jitters STILL. Feeling restless and pacing. Mental anxiety up to a 7~8

1130pm Crying spell let out tension. Still anxious, walk to shop with partner to try and calm down.

1230am Home. 1mg melatonin, dinner.  Physical better (6). Mental better. (6.5). Mild DR, dizzy, headache.

2:30 am Bit feverish. chamomile tea.

3am warm shower and heading to bed. hoping to not take ibuprofen

[getofflex]

@TentacleFinnhow strange!  I did indeed post a response and now it's gone.  Must be a glitch in the system.  

 

I had suggested that instead of upping the dose to 0.5, you up the dose to only 0.35. Lexapro is a very strong drug - 2x - 4x more powerful than other SSRI's.  And because your nervous system is probably sensitized, based on your history, updosing too much would put you at risk of worsening your symptoms, and this could take weeks to months to resolve.  If you need more than 0.35, we can alsways updose again in a week or two.  

[LunaLex]

1 hour ago, getofflex said:

@TentacleFinnhow strange!  I did indeed post a response and now it's gone.  Must be a glitch in the system.  

 

I had suggested that instead of upping the dose to 0.5, you up the dose to only 0.35. Lexapro is a very strong drug - 2x - 4x more powerful than other SSRI's.  And because your nervous system is probably sensitized, based on your history, updosing too much would put you at risk of worsening your symptoms, and this could take weeks to months to resolve.  If you need more than 0.35, we can alsways updose again in a week or two.  

Sorry for the confusion I caused! I updosed to 0.35 last time we discussed it on the 23rd. I was trying to figure out whether to hold there. I summarised the changes over the week here Updose  

 

I took 0.5 today for the first time and dont know if it was too soon and would love input. 

[getofflex]

 No it’s not too soon.  In that case 0.5 is ok.  

 

Please keep your drug sig up to date as you make changes to your dose.  Thank you.  

[LunaLex]

I wish again today that withdrawal was not such a mystery. I don't know how to tell an updosing adverse reaction from a harsh wave. If anyone has advice on how to tell, please let me know. 

 

I have been reading the Claire Weekes‘ post and the Acceptance post and decided to look further into trying to float. I must admit I laughed at the comparison to swimming - after YEARS of swimming lessons I can still not float in and sink like a rock. But my brain shall not do the same!

 

I AM scared. The last two days have brought a lot of fear. Symptoms I haven't dealt with in a week and a half are all back. Low appetite, some nausea. Higher than usual physical anxiety, that does not abate in the evening. Big DR. Desperate feelings. And worst, my friend Insomnia is back, all dolled up in the "I only slept half an hour last night" form. 

 

This brings fear, because why now? I find myself thinking "but we were PASSED this.". Hoping, that it is a wave brought on by this virus Im fighting.  Worrying, that it is an adverse reaction to 0.5, that while 0.35 brought some improvement this has undone it all.

 

So after hours of scouring the net for answers on how to know, of fighting and struggling, tonight I am trying to practice accepting and floating. I think perhaps that mostly I am distracting and running. But I am trying, to not add to the first fear with second panic. 

[Altostrata]

It's so frustating and confusing that stabilization is not linear, as we are accustomed to heal -- symptoms gradually going away and staying gone. Waves and windows can continue for a long time.

 

Best not to get frustrated tnat "we were past this".  It's never past. Better to remind yourself "I got past this before, and I will again".

[LunaLex]

You are absolutely right, Alto. Thank you for the reminder, I am going to put it on my fridge.  I am glad to have this forum, this guidance and that I will be seeing a psych on Friday. I am still caught in the mindset of past luck - wanting to heal in two months and run off into the sunset till I am ready to try tapering safely. It hasnt sunk in yet. 

 

So I can be safe with my system, what would I expect if this was an adverse updose reaction? Simply more severity?

[Ariel]

2 hours ago, TentacleFinn said:

tonight I am trying to practice accepting and floating. I think perhaps that mostly I am distracting and running.

 

I so hear you.    Whatever works! 

 

Sending you a big hug 

 

 

[Altostrata]

Adverse reactions are related to the time of dosing, usually appearing within a few hours after.

[LunaLex]

Journal 2|5 and 3|5 Notes

Not sure how helpful these notes are. 

 

I realised during tonights dinner that though I am on the pill and not due for another half a week (after skipping last month to avoid having to handle it during acute withdrawal) that my body is going right ahead anyway.

 

At least, the sudden crying spells, acne breakout and stomach pain indicate as much. Hence this weeks wave and the last few days. It shouldnt be affecting my anxiety but it may make a mess of this weeks symptom tracking.

 

Also realise three sleepless or low sleep nights were all days of decaf, so trying a few days without it to test.

 

2|5

530am 200mg ibuprofen for fever. Moderate anxiety (6)

6am-730 leg pains, high anxiety, back and forth from couch to bed. 

730-1130am No sleep, need to roll over every 15 minutes. Feel hot. Very thirsty.

12:30 Appetite low, breakfast drink, mild nausea.

3pm Fear and sadness about wave, cry.

330pm eat quick oats with an apple NO DECAF.

4pm walked quickly to shop with partner. Heart thumping (6) and some DR. 

5pm Lexapro 0.5mg, just got home. 

6pm Games with partner. Anxiety 6, Physical 5. 

7-10pm Unhealthy coping, researching, ruminating. Anxiety 7. 

1030pm cooking dinner and sudden neurosadness, can't cry. 

1130pm Melatonin 1mg, dinner, cry.  Headache.

2am Chamomile Tea

230am Early bed, partner sleeping seperate.

 

3/5

Restless sleep- 2:45-315

Really good sleep- 3:20-6:50, 6:57-9:20 

9:20 - Feeling achey, really sore throat. 200mg Ibuprofen. Back to bed.

Light sleep - 9:25-11:10, 11:15-12:40, 12:40-130 

6hrs good sleep, 4hrs light sleep? 10 total!

1:30pm- Awake. Relaxed. 

1:45-  increasing anxiety (6.5) and dread, scalp cold, chest tense.

2:45 Sit in sun for half hour. 

3:15pm Eating Shokupan. Feel bad and grumpy. Craving coffee. 

3:50 Small dizzyness wave, wave of face tingling. 

4:30pm Take Lexapro 0.5 mg

530pm Read papers on WD, frustration, cry. 

5:50 Bad Txt (apartment), angry. Anxiety and mood better,  6.

6:55pm Pilates class.  Feel good, physical anxiety a 3, mood is good!

7:30pm Bad txt again. Mood neutral. 

9pm Message with mum, neurosadness, tears. 

9-11pm Few minute long waves of chest thumping, scalp tingles, chills. Distracting with games. Anxiety 5.5, Physical anxiety 6

1130pm Stomach hurting. Melatonin 1mg. Teary again.

1230 dinner. Waves of heart thumping. 

130am small smoothie. 

2:30am camomile tea and winding down. 

Edited May 4, 2022 by getofflex

[getofflex]

I see you dropped your Lexapro back down to 0.35.  If you do this please stay on this for a time and don’t change your doses based on how you feel from day to day.  Remember that windows and waves are typical in withdrawal.  Jumping around on your dose puts you at risk of destabilizing you more and worsening your symptoms. 

 

Considerations About Stability - Stop Jumping Around

Edited May 3, 2022 by getofflex

[LunaLex]

I am so sorry, that is a typo! I was feeling so anxious my brain just wrote what it is used to, I definitely took 0.5 though because I get my partner to check my dose with me if I ever feel foggy. 

I took 0.5 every day since the first. Can it be edited to avoid confusion? 

 

I definitely would not go down unless there was a bad adverse reaction and not without talking to the mods and fully intend to stay here for at least a week as always. 

[getofflex]

18 hours ago, TentacleFinn said:

I am so sorry, that is a typo! I was feeling so anxious my brain just wrote what it is used to, I definitely took 0.5 though because I get my partner to check my dose with me if I ever feel foggy. 

I took 0.5 every day since the first. Can it be edited to avoid confusion? 

I'm glad to hear it was only a typo.  No worries my friend! 😀  Yes, I will edit it.  

[LunaLex]

4/5

530am Have not fallen asleep. Lay in spare room next to partner.

6am Partner moves to bed and cuddle to soothe.

630am Doze off? Wake up at 730am.

730-1230 broken light sleep, 15m to 1hr at most. 4~5hr total.

1230 Triggering txt on wake. Chest tight, scalp tight and cold. Try to relax.

2pm Out of bed, physical anxiety 7, mental anxiety 7. 

230pm Mild Headache, low appetite, heart thumping, mild nausea, skin chills, mild jitters.  English muffins breakfast.

430 0.5mg Lexapro. Cleaning and looking at properties. Anxiety 7.5

5pm try hard to breathe but panic. Anxiety 8, cry and slight hyperventilate. Partner helps breathe and calm.

5:30pm Watched comfort show. Calmer, anxiety 6. Finish cleaning.

6pm~11pm Waves of chills and prickling on scalp and body (6), Waves of palpitations (6). Nausea and appetite good. Anxiety 5~6, able to not spiral. Headache.

12 Dinner, melatonin 1mg

3am Chamomile tea. Chills stopped. Mild palpitations and tension (4~5) anxiety low(5) Laughing, feel good. Head really aching.

4am warm shower, bed, panadol 500mg.

 

5|5

5am-830am V good deep sleep, woken by partners alarm.

830am 0 anxiety, feel like real self, water and bathroom

8:45~10:28 Above average sleep cycle, low on deep sleep.

1030-12 Light sleep.

12 Wake, Dread, fear, chest pounding and tight, waves of chills, intrusive thoughts. No appetite. Breathe, try to stay calm.

1230 Get up and go out. Feel okay walking in sun, still pounding and chills. Anxiety 6-6.5,Physical 7.

1-2 UpnGo. House viewing, dont spiral. In and out of busy shops. Feel overwhelmed by noise/light.

2pm Walking home, pounding stopped, chills okay, tension down.

4pm Tired and sleepy (6) Appetite back, very hungry, trying to get energy to make food. Anxiety lowish (5.5?)

5pm Lexapro 0.5mg and english muffins. Cold, goosebumps and chills(5). brain a bit foggy (5) Headache(4).

6pm Brain/scalp cold and prickling. Sudden neurosadness, passes quickly.

7pm Scalp prickling better. Trivia!!

730-930 Tightness and pain in base of skull. Occasional goosebumps/tingles down legs. Anxiety low (5). Some stress at volume.

12am dinner and melatonin 1mg. Steak & chips! dizzy/fatigue feeling builds & mild palpitations.

1am-2 Tidying. Mood good. Trying not to spiral, stressful day tmrw. Headache (7). Dizzy better.

230 Licorice Peppermint Tea & Yoga for sleep

330 ASMR and Bed

[getofflex]

Overall, would you say the updose from 0.35 mg to 0.5 mg Lexapro is helping you yet?  If not, it may take a few more days.  It takes about 7 days for a dose change to register with your system.  I see your sleep is much better than when you first came in the forum, thankfully. 

Edited May 5, 2022 by getofflex

[LunaLex]

19 hours ago, getofflex said:

Overall, would you say the updose from 0.35 mg to 0.5 mg Lexapro is helping you yet?  If not, it may take a few more days.  It takes about 7 days for a dose change to register with your system.  I see your sleep is much better than when you first came in the forum, thankfully. 

It is really hard to say. 2.5 and 3.5 I both saw an improvement on quickly. 

This last 6 days has gone from not ideal to feeling like I did prior to and the first few days of 0.25, emotionally. I will note the first of these feelings did start the morning of the day i took 0.5 before my first updose. 

 

Objectively, of the things I complained about my dizzyness is WAY better and has barely happened twice, DP/DR is gone almost entirely (two brief low episodes) and fatigue and anhedonia is much better. Jitters and shaking are nonexistant. Sleep is recovering well. 

 

Heartpounding/palpitations are worse but I can handle that. Chills and tingling/prickling skin also back, but that is just a little annoying.  

 

But my emotions are almost uncopeable during the day. Today hit a 9 in anxiety. A lot of days have been toppling into panic. And the problem is it is not things i can not ruminate on - Just looking at house listings during the day triggered panic and a feeling like if I had to leave my “home” I will not survive. There has been a lot of hysteria. 

 

During the night the anxiety is okay- more like a slightly bad day when I was medicated. I can see how illogical my daytime feelings are and though I am stressed I am far from panicking and able to talk myself through it. Closer to a 6 generally. 

 

I don‘t know if this is the current situation or just a wave but I feel MORE emotional and anxious and much less stable during the day than since I first reinstated and I am worried I have made a mistake with updosing. 

 

It was day 6 today. 

[LunaLex]

Actually, am still a little jittery when I wake up, maybe a 4. Just not as aware of it as heart racing, sweats, chills and physical anxiety feeling is more apparent and instant.  But those are probably cortisol  and while a little uncomfortable I understand those  compared to the emotions. 

[Snowblind]

Hey @TentacleFinn,

Hang in there, soldier! I'm currently in a bad wave myself, triggered by taking too much Vitamin B6... I think. I know exactly what you mean about the daytime hours being difficult to cope with and then the anxiety/panic eases off at night (only to re-emerge the next morning). It majorly sucks. Just know that if you hold steady, and don't screw around with other psychoactive substances (including supplements), it will gradually fade away.

 

By the way, I'm just down the road in Nunawading, so know that there is someone close by that is cheering you on!

 

[getofflex]

21 hours ago, TentacleFinn said:

This last 6 days has gone from not ideal to feeling like I did prior to and the first few days of 0.25, emotionally. I will note the first of these feelings did start the morning of the day i took 0.5 before my first updose. 

I work with a lot of people here, so I don't remember how you felt previously. Not sure what the 2.5 and 3.5 refer to.  It would be much clearer for me, if you just said "I feel better" or "I feel worse", or "I feel about the same".  

 

22 hours ago, TentacleFinn said:

But my emotions are almost uncopeable during the day. Today hit a 9 in anxiety. A lot of days have been toppling into panic. And the problem is it is not things i can not ruminate on - Just looking at house listings during the day triggered panic and a feeling like if I had to leave my “home” I will not survive. There has been a lot of hysteria. 

You have a lot of your plate, especially for a person in withdrawal.  Here are some links that can help with anxiety: 

 

Emotional Spirals

 

Acknowledge Accept Float

 

Music to Calm Anxiety

 

Breathing Technique for Anxiety

 

Meditation

 

Also, developing a spiritual life can really help.  I get a lot of help from reading the Bible and praying daily. 

 

Finding Meaning

 

22 hours ago, TentacleFinn said:

I don‘t know if this is the current situation or just a wave but I feel MORE emotional and anxious and much less stable during the day than since I first reinstated and I am worried I have made a mistake with updosing. 

 

 

22 hours ago, TentacleFinn said:

Objectively, of the things I complained about my dizzyness is WAY better and has barely happened twice, DP/DR is gone almost entirely (two brief low episodes) and fatigue and anhedonia is much better. Jitters and shaking are nonexistant. Sleep is recovering well. 

 

It sounds like many of your other symptoms are improved, and your sleep is very important, so overall, it sounds like you are better. Symptoms do tend to morph and change, and come and go.