Bailey: Acute Paxil Withdrawal Symptoms

[LostInCanada]

3 minutes ago, Bailey said:

maybe I should give it a try

Do what ever feels right for you. At this stage don't do anything that adds stress or is more than you can handle. Your CNS is so battered and just needs kindness and love. That's the most important thing now. ♥️

[littlebird]

2 minutes ago, LostInCanada said:

At this stage don't do anything that adds stress or is more than you can handle. Your CNS is so battered and just needs kindness and love. That's the most important thing now. ♥️

Co-signing this, take it easy on your CNS! How's your self-soothing these days? Sounds like the akathesia has been brutal, I'm so sorry. Does anything make it better or distract you temporarily?

[Bailey]

5 minutes ago, littlebird said:

Co-signing this, take it easy on your CNS! How's your self-soothing these days? Sounds like the akathesia has been brutal, I'm so sorry. Does anything make it better or distract you temporarily?

Thanks for responding  @littlebird Yeah, I'm guessing making any change would be bad for my hypersensitive system since it didn't work to reinstate much closer to when I did the dosage drop. As for distraction, it's so extreme. All I can do is move. My leg muscles are so tired but I try to move around the basement with arms and legs in motion to try and get the energy out. I also scream into pillows because it's early in the morning.  

[LostInCanada]

2 minutes ago, Bailey said:

I try to move around the basement with arms and legs in motion to try and get the energy out.

I bought a treadmill and honestly I don't know what I would do without it. Can you rent/buy one? 

[Bailey]

1 minute ago, LostInCanada said:

I bought a treadmill and honestly I don't know what I would do without it. Can you rent/buy one? 

That's a good idea. I could ask. I'm actually living with my sister and her husband right now so they'd have to agree to it. 

[LotusRising]

Hi @Bailey

 

You've been given a lot of very good advice above. I only want to reiterate what the others have said - you can expect that there will be med changes and with your very dysregulated CNS, this may or may not be a good thing, but if you feel you need to go to prevent harm to yourself or others, then it might be a safe place for you. I can guarantee they will not understand antidepressant withdrawal and in their efforts to help you, but you need to be fully informed about the possibility of getting worse. You should also know that if you are admitted, you will likely be in a room with someone you don't know and away from all the things that make you feel somewhat comfortable. Even communication to friends and family can be more difficult.

 

I'm really sorry you're going through this. I had very very dark moments and went on for many months feeling hopeless and lost and in pain. I came very close to admitting myself to the hospital at the suggestion of a psychiatrist, but I knew as bad as I was feeling, it could certainly get worse if I was away from the comforts of home. 

 

If you're able to hang in at home, that may be the best place, but again, should you feel that you need to be safe, then understandably you need to do what's best for you. I will continue to be thinking of you ❤️

[Bailey]

Thanks @LotusRising. The topic has come up with my family and I wondered.  I have considered the ER for safety but not being admitted to the psych unit. Well, actually I guess I have in my absolute desperation wondered if they could help in some way. If I go in my full blown akathisia mode, I imagine they would admit me. It can be so explosive and violent (not towards people). Yes, I think you're right that it could be worse and being away from home would be worse. I wish there were a secure environment for this withdrawal given all the SI and terror but that place doesn't exist. Thanks again. 

[LotusRising]

@Bailey

 

Just wanted to check in to see how you're going today?

[Bailey]

13 hours ago, LotusRising said:

@Bailey

 

Just wanted to check in to see how you're going today?

I've been convulsing since I got up 2 hours ago.  I so wish I could get out of this body. The torment is so great. I'm really scared I won't stabilize -- it's been so extreme for so long. Trying to hold onto hope. The looping fearful/terror thoughts come at me constantly telling me there have been too many missteps for stabilizing but I'm really trying to appropriate hope. Thank you for asking @LotusRising

[Catina7]

Good morning @Bailey,

 

There are never too many missteps to not heal.  Our bodies are magnificently designed to heal.  When we cut ourselves, it may hurt, but over time new skin forms and heals the wound.  Your brain has essentially been temporarily damaged.  It's just trying to find its way back to balance with what the drugs and an ill-informed doctor have done to you.  It WILL heal, please be sure of that.  We're designed to heal.  Your brain is busy every second forming new neurons and pathways leading to homeostasis.  It will get there eventually.  If you can think of your symptoms as your body's way of healing, then it will give you more hope to keep going. 

 

In the meantime, as your body moves towards healing, treat yourself with kindness, love, and compassion.  The fearful thoughts you're having are not reality.  Why?  Because many before you have healed.  Please keep their examples in your mind and heart.  Picture them cheering you on as you fight every day.  

 

You are so strong and brave for getting this far.  Never give up the fight because one day your fight will be over....and you will be victorious.

 

Sending you much love....

 

Catina ❤️

 

 

Edited March 22 by Catina7

[Bailey]

1 minute ago, Catina7 said:

Good morning @Bailey,

 

There are never any too many missteps to not heal.  Our bodies are magnificently designed to heal.  When we cut ourselves, it may hurt, but over time new skin forms and heals the wound.  Your brain has essentially been temporarily damaged.  It's just trying to find its way back to balance with what the drugs and an ill-informed doctor have done to you.  It WILL heal, please be sure of that.  We're designed to heal.  Your brain is busy every second forming new neurons and pathways leading to homeostasis.  It will get there eventually. 

 

If you can think of your symptoms as your body's way of healing, then it will give you more hope to keep going. 

 

In the meantime, as your body moves towards healing, treat yourself with kindness, love, and compassion.  The fearful thoughts you're having are not reality.  Why?  Because many before you have healed.  Please keep their examples in your mind and heart.  Picture them cheering you on as you fight every day.  

 

You are so strong and brave for getting this far.  Never give up the fight because one day your fight will be over....and you will be victorious.

 

Sending you much love....

 

Catina ❤️

 

 

Everything you just said @Catina7 is what I needed to hear this morning. I'll come back your words often. Thank you so much. 

[Bailey]

1 hour ago, Catina7 said:

 If you can think of your symptoms as your body's way of healing, then it will give you more hope to keep going.

@Catina7 In the past 3 weeks my looping terror thoughts have really increased. I feel hostage to them and sideswiped by them. It's definitely not what I was like before this withdrawal when I could reason things out, replace the thoughts and have some level of control. Do you think that could be my brain trying to reorganize itself and form new pathways? I wondered since it's been a shift and the uptick has surprised me. I have a million sticky notes in my bathroom (probably 30) for encouragement and to combat these thoughts.  I read them aloud several times a day. It doesn't feel like it's changing things but hopefully it still is somehow.

Edited March 22 by Bailey

[Catina7]

17 minutes ago, Bailey said:

It's definitely not what I was like before this withdrawal

 

I think the increase in looping terror thoughts is most likely related to the injury and not the healing that is trying to take place.  If you feel up to it, there is a topic thread that discusses what you've been dealing with.  Perhaps you'll read something in there that will help you manage it better.  

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/forums/topic/9671-withdrawal-causing-repetitive-or-intrusive-thoughts-rumination-and-increased-panic/

 

Keep up your sticky notes and positive affirmations because it's been proven we CAN re-train our brains.  Also, I think if you can keep up the EFT Tapping, then it can help calm some of those fears and scary thoughts.  It's another way to promote healing in the nervous system.  

Edited March 22 by Catina7

[Catina7]

I watched an EFT Tapping YouTube video once of someone who went through a horrific withdrawal.  She is now a certified EFT Practitioner who helps people in withdrawal.  She said the three most important things to remind yourself of when tapping are:

1. I AM SAFE
2. I AM HEALING
3. THIS IS ONLY TEMPORARY

The more you tap on your meridian points and repeat these to yourself, you should feel some relief.  I really hope it helps you.  ❤️

[Bailey]

47 minutes ago, Catina7 said:

 

I think the increase in looping terror thoughts is most likely related to the injury and not the healing that is trying to take place.  If you feel up to it, there is a topic thread that discusses what you've been dealing with.  Perhaps you'll read something in there that will help you manage it better.  

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/forums/topic/9671-withdrawal-causing-repetitive-or-intrusive-thoughts-rumination-and-increased-panic/

 

Keep up your sticky notes and positive affirmations because it's been proven we CAN re-train our brains.  Also, I think if you can keep up the EFT Tapping, then it can help calm some of those fears and scary thoughts.  It's another way to promote healing in the nervous system.  

@Catina7 I was hoping my healing was morphing, even with the thoughts, like some of my other symptoms, appearing to be worse but instead somehow a reflection of my body's attempts at moving forward. Not a sign I was going backwards which is what I've been afraid of generally and with the intensity of these thoughts the past weeks. I've been despairing about this, going backwards, the past few weeks and it's led me to think I'm not going to make it, that things are getting worse. It's what led me to consider going in-patient when my family was talking about it. I'll certainly keep up the sticky notes but am now more scared about things. I'll take a look at the file and hope there are helpful things and not more to scare me as so much does right now. 

Edited March 22 by Bailey

[Catina7]

28 minutes ago, Bailey said:

@Catina7 I was hoping my healing was morphing, even with the thoughts, like some of my other symptoms, appearing to be worse but instead somehow a reflection of my body's attempts at moving forward. Not a sign I was going backwards which is what I've been afraid of generally and with the thoughts. I've been despairing about this, going backwards, the past few weeks and it's led me to think I'm not going to make it, that things are getting worse. It's what led me to consider going in-patient when my family was talking about it. I'll certainly keep up the sticky notes but am now more scared about things. 

 

Healing can manifest itself in all sorts of ways, so please don't take what I said as a sign that you're going backwards.  Every day you are CLOSER to healing.  Healing is always happening, whether we realize it or not.  It could very well be a sign that your brain is simply trying to process everything along with having some health anxiety.  Remember this:  Fear is always based on the UNKNOWN and the "What ifs."  Sometimes things can seem worse before they actually get BETTER, so it could very well be a sign that something good is getting ready to take place.  

Edited March 22 by Catina7

[Bailey]

1 minute ago, Catina7 said:

 

Healing can manifest itself in all sorts of ways, so please don't take what I said as a sign that you're going backwards.  Every day you are CLOSER to healing.  Healing is always happening, whether we realize it or not.  It could very well be a sign that your brain is simply trying to process everything along with some having health anxiety.  Remember this:  Fear is always based on the UNKNOWN and the "What ifs."  Sometimes things can seem worse before they actually get BETTER, so it could very well be a sign that something good is getting ready to take place.  

That's reassuring, that every day brings me closer to healing and that you can appear to get worse before something better takes place. This has been so brutal and I'm so fragile. I need every ounce of hope there is.  Thank you @Catina7

[LostInCanada]

@Bailey When you dropped to 10 mg did you start having withdrawal symptoms and what were they? Was it only when you updosed to 15mg (7.5 ml) that this convulsing and other symptoms started? Does it worsen after you take your dose- within an hour or so? What time do you take your dose? 

[Bailey]

 

37 minutes ago, Catina7 said:

 

Healing can manifest itself in all sorts of ways, so please don't take what I said as a sign that you're going backwards.  Every day you are CLOSER to healing.  Healing is always happening, whether we realize it or not. 

 

 

I apparently need someone to tell me this every day right now, @Catina7.Thank you. ❤️

 

[Bailey]

17 minutes ago, LostInCanada said:

@Bailey When you dropped to 10 mg did you start having withdrawal symptoms and what were they? Was it only when you updosed to 15mg (7.5 ml) that this convulsing and other symptoms started? Does it worsen after you take your dose- within an hour or so? What time do you take your dose? 

@LostInCanada Oct. 14, 2023: Paxil 15mg; Oct. 21, 2023: Paxil 10mg (pill). Had a virus Nov 1-5, 2023 or it was part of withdrawal* By Nov. 6 I definitely started having clear and intense withdrawal. Zero sleep, intense anxiety, inability to stop moving legs. Went back up to 20mg which was a disaster. It was like I was on fire with continued no sleep, inability to stop legs moving and anxiety/terror. Lots of upper body jerking too. Doctor then brought me down to 15mg but switched me to liquid 7.5ml equivalent because of the pill splitting difficulties on Nov 18. I know that the switch to liquid added fuel to the fire. I didn't know and my doctor didn't know that you don't do that. I've stayed with it in order to hopefully stabilize. 

I take Paxil around 6:30am. It's already very bad when I get up. I'm ready to explode out of bed and am convulsing. 

 

*December 2022: Paxil 40 to 30mg; May 2023: Paxil 30 to 20 mg - these drops went aright but perhaps by the time I was taken down to 10mg, it was too much. The bottom dropped out. 

Edited March 22 by Bailey

[LostInCanada]

Is it worse than at 10 mg? I know when I reinstated at 5 mg and didn't get immediate results I upped it to 10 mg and was an absolute mess. I couldn't stand up straight, no balance, plus nausea etc. I am trying to figure out if you did a small drop if it might help. 

[Belajazi]

33 minutes ago, LostInCanada said:

Is it worse than at 10 mg? I know when I reinstated at 5 mg and didn't get immediate results I upped it to 10 mg and was an absolute mess. I couldn't stand up straight, no balance, plus nausea etc. I am trying to figure out if you did a small drop if it might help. 

@LostInCanada 10mg was unbearable for me. I am at 3mg most of time since nov, with extreme internal unbearable agitation which is also a symptoms of akathisia.i have confirmed from akathisiaalliance that was akathisia.

i was bad also before swtiching. 

After swtiching unbearable agitation has gone but terror started. 

[LostInCanada]

@Belajazi I am so sorry. That post was for a different member. 

@BelajaziDefinitely we do not want you to make any changes at this time in dosage. 

 

[Bailey]

1 hour ago, LostInCanada said:

Is it worse than at 10 mg? I know when I reinstated at 5 mg and didn't get immediate results I upped it to 10 mg and was an absolute mess. I couldn't stand up straight, no balance, plus nausea etc. I am trying to figure out if you did a small drop if it might help. 

It was extreme at 10mg as well with limb jerking, no sleep, feeling like I was on fire. In hindsight I would probably have been better in the long run to hold instead of going up 20mg, down to 15mg and then switching to liquid. I simply didn't know. I was doing what I was told to do by my doctor.  The last change was Nov. 18 and I've been trying to hold since then hoping things would steady. It was maybe just a few days later that someone found this site SA for me and I started to better understand all the missteps.  I had no earthy idea before the. 
 

Certain things have improved. When I first started having the withdrawal even with the 10mg, I couldn't stay still at an and my legs had to move. Not even a minute of sleep. Legs were moving and if I nodded off, my body would jerk me awake. I was like that for at least 3 weeks in November and December. Things would get worse as I got closer to bedtime. Now it's the opposite. The Akathisia usually runs out of steam in the afternoon and the evening is my calmest time, perhaps with cortisol dropping. 

[LostInCanada]

3 minutes ago, Bailey said:

Certain things have improved

That's good news... healing takes time and you are headed in the right direction. It doesn't look like an adverse reaction so that is good as well. Patience and consistency will pay off. It is just hard but you are doing great and will get there ♥️

[Bailey]

1 minute ago, LostInCanada said:

That's good news... healing takes time and you are headed in the right direction. It doesn't look like an adverse reaction so that is good as well. Patience and consistency will pay off. It is just hard but you are doing great and will get there ♥️

Thank you so much for the encouragement @LostInCanada. 

[Belajazi]

2 hours ago, LostInCanada said:

@Belajazi I am so sorry. That post was for a different member. 

@BelajaziDefinitely we do not want you to make any changes at this time in dosage. 

 

@LostInCanada opps sorry for inconvenience. I did not pay attention. 

[Boges11]

I’m unable to read thru all the posts but been in same situation and going to ER and subsequent osych behavioral hospitals ended up making my academia worse because they refuse to look it up, refused to believe it didn’t understand it, but I was maybe bipolar schizophrenic, and refused to even read my outside psychiatrist letter about my bind diagnosis and the neurotoxicity of the medication’s

They wanted to give me lithium and I refuse that. 
I ended up on mirtazapine and the scared  to throw it in the toilet and get caught and then forced medication’s that they give shot when people are not compliant.

Most hospitals do not in long-term success for people, especially in situations where there’s iatrogenic illnesses or injuries because they don’t understand it. They don’t understand that more medication usually is a big problem for our body when our nervous system is so fried, they view everything as an underlying condition.

Even Neurologist at one of the top Texas hospitals has said there’s nothing that can be done for acathisia other than giving Benadryl. They give 50 mg of Benadryl in the ER when someone presents with aka. This is when the medical staff is actually aware that aka is happening… Some places won’t even know what that is and try to drug you up on various things like antipsychotics, which can make it worse.

 

Benzo coaches like Angela Peacock, Dan Landau, Nicole Lamberson, all who have been through this, and understand acathisia have said, don’t go to hospitals don’t go to psych hospitals you just have to stay alive however, you can. It’s a very harsh reality in this and so inhumane, however, I have found it to be true, because I was made worse at places my parents thought that we’re gonna be helpful for me because they couldn’t handle me being SI and having acted on it anymore after two months.
 

We have to stay safe, and you’re doing your best to survive this so you need to do what you need to do and if that means trying to seek refuge in a hospital, please ask your sister to do research and ask questions about acathisia to staff and make sure that they stay with you the whole time. There’s a lot of information on acathisia Alliance website that can be printed off and brought with y’all.

 

Mine was completely back to 24 seven after I got on mirtazapine and changed to liquid and complete nightmare but it settled a bit some here as of lately it’s just a complete roller coaster and I know how hellacious it is and I’m so sorry.

I found any processed food, makes my focal aka worse so I’m back to eating only a handful of things, boiled chicken, green beans, carrots, sweet potato potatoes, all blended due to digestive issues and some baby food pouches that are organic, but even those are high and vitamin C, magnesium and different vitamins and can make my aka worse.

We have random sensitivities in this that don’t make it easy to try to sort out. What’s what and very frustrating because we need nutrition.

 

Once body stabilizes a little bit things get less reactive, so I hope that’s coming soon for you. it could be some of your compound liquid mixture that your body needs to adjust to changing from a pill format to liquid format. A abruptly can take a couple months to settle, especially after rock in the body, with cuts, and all kinds of mayhem from what I found out, my body hasn’t even been on this compound liquid mirtazapine, but much better than it was when I first changed over about a month and a half ago .

 

if you can have family and friends, try to rotate and keep you safe at home. It really is the safest place you can be through this. If you can see if any beta blockers might help because those have helped some people and try trial with metoprolol or propanol, or a tiny bit of clonidine and see if your body gets any help from those as they’ve been helpful for some people. But just be aware you can have reactions from those too, so just start with a very tiny amount if you do, try some. Benadryl has tried 5 mg and that was enough to help me a couple times, but then it made it worse for me.

Very very very last resort. I’ve heard that opioids have helped people in critical suicidal acathisia. I’ve got a couple people that mentioned  Suboxone, and morphine has been helpful for them, and have saved their life. Obviously it’s something to worry about from a physical dependency standpoint and that’s a whole Nother issue. However, they felt it was necessary to keep them alive and has been successful in mitigating the severity of the acathisia and suicidality. I don’t think they’re on any other meds at this point though they’re off all of their medication’s.
 

sending you so much love and I’m so sorry you’re enduring this. Please know that as you work through things to try to calm your nervous system it’s very very very very challenging when it’s a kind that you just gotta throw yourself around use a pillow use a little inflatable bats throw ice cubes squeeze things with your hands pillows against the couch take a shower take a bath take her many of those you need a day. Sometimes we’ll take 10 a day just to survive this. If it’s any relief, I lay in the backseat, and I kick the seats and scream and scream so my neighbors don’t hear me in the house to get some of the anger and frustration out that comes with this that just is raging inside. I totally understand  where you’re at and it’s the most insane awful feeling and I’m so so sorry .

 

here for you and just keep doing what you can to get out the awful energy and then in the times you have any really work on some soothing meditations in a dark space and just warmth if that’s helpful or cool pack on you if that’s helpful and just lay there and let your body recover from all the energy that the acathisia takes up. it’s very scary, but please know many of us are struggling with it and gotta pull each other through .

 

This is all talk to text so hopefully the words make sense. Feel free to message anytime.

[Bailey]

On 3/20/2024 at 7:25 PM, LotusRising said:

Hi @Bailey

I'm really sorry you're going through this. I had very very dark moments and went on for many months feeling hopeless and lost and in pain. I came very close to admitting myself to the hospital at the suggestion of a psychiatrist, but I knew as bad as I was feeling, it could certainly get worse if I was away from the comforts of home. 

Thank you for sharing this with me. SI is very strong and I do indeed feel hopeless. Last night I'd drift off to sleep a little bit last night and then jolt awake in the hell that is in my body. It was so disorienting. Life ending thoughts all night long and this morning. Uninvited. I sure thought I'd see more glimmers of hope, more stabilization at this point. Thanks again. 

[Bailey]

Thank you so much for sharing with me, @Boges11.  You've been through quite the ordeal, too.  I appreciate you sharing. Did you go to that famous hospital in Houston? You don't have to answer that but someone suggested that hospital (a famous psych hospital?) for me but I can't remember the name. I'm sure it's conventional fare and not truly a safe place with answers, just more meds. Yeah, I suspect that the doc changing me to the liquid formulation really really threw me. Again, thank you. Big hug to you. 

[LotusRising]

1 hour ago, Bailey said:

Last night I'd drift off to sleep a little bit last night and then jolt awake in the hell that is in my body. It was so disorienting. Life ending thoughts all night long and this morning. Uninvited. I sure thought I'd see more glimmers of hope, more stabilization at this point.

Yes, I remember this all too clearly. This is a very common pattern of sleep. I could really only sleep for 30-60mins at a time initially and then the reality of my situation would resurface as soon as my eyes popped open, so I can definitely relate. I know it really is terrible and lonely and hard to believe that it gets better, but it really does! Glimmers will happen. In the beginning, they are tough to see, but they're there waiting for you to notice them. I can clearly remember my first window and it was sooo short-lived, but it was a window nonetheless and a good reminder that healing was starting to happen.

 

Are there times during the day that are better than others, or where you feel like maybe you've had a short window?

[Bailey]

43 minutes ago, LotusRising said:

Yes, I remember this all too clearly. This is a very common pattern of sleep. I could really only sleep for 30-60mins at a time initially and then the reality of my situation would resurface as soon as my eyes popped open, so I can definitely relate. I know it really is terrible and lonely and hard to believe that it gets better, but it really does! Glimmers will happen. In the beginning, they are tough to see, but they're there waiting for you to notice them. I can clearly remember my first window and it was sooo short-lived, but it was a window nonetheless and a good reminder that healing was starting to happen.

 

Are there times during the day that are better than others, or where you feel like maybe you've had a short window?

@LotusRising I'm trying to write down glimmers when I see them. The windows are unpredictable. Typically late afternoon and evening are better, though. I get in my dimly lit basement bedroom (I'm staying with my sister), and things usually quiet in my body. Once I go to sleep, that all changes. I'll wake up an hour later in a very different state. But, normally, I have some time in the evening. Thanks for sharing your experience. It helps to know it was similar for you and that it gets better.

[Bailey]

@LotusRising  I always tag you because you were the first person to come along side when I joined SA in January. I hope that's OK. Other moderator voices are valued, too, of course. Did you experience withdrawal anger/rage? If yes, ideas? I don't recognize myself -- the intense anger and even desire to destroy things. I wonder if it's common to all SSRI's. 

[LotusRising]

@Bailey yes, all good to tag me

 

I'm happy to hear you get some windows. This is is really good and tells you your nervous system is getting things right at least some of the time. I did get anger on occasion, but it was not common for me. I remember having to hit pillows a few times. Always remind yourself it is the drug and not you. I didn't recognize myself for a lot of my taper, I know it's very scary, but you're in there, so try not to forget that. 

 

Both of these links might have some good tips:

 

https://npanth.wordpress.com/2012/07/02/dealing-with-anger-during-ssri-withdrawal/

 

https://benzowithdrawalhelp.com/for-bwd-bind-sufferers/coping-skills/ten-ways-to-cope-with-benzo-rage/

 

If you're not up for reading, you could listen to this too. This is from Jennifer Swan and it's related to benzos, but there's a lot of crossover, in my opinion, between the two. I find her voice very soothing.

[Bailey]

Thank you so much @LotusRising. Yes, so much I don't recognize about myself right now. 

[Bailey]

@LotusRising My family is talking about making me go in-patient. It's getting closer. They don't know what to do with my extreme withdrawal and akathisia symptoms. Certain things have gotten worse during the past month which is scary and disheartening for me and for them. Any advice?