☼ theelt712: tapering off Zoloft

[theelt712]

Thank you. I had a few hrs. of even better than WDnormal today/last night. I was not thinking about my breathing at all, which is significant. It is the first time that happened since about March, aka premed. The part that needs to get better now is anhedonia. I am back into a crappy wave again, slow breathing and DR, but at least there is some normal. I have had horrible nightmares and some muscle weakness/dizziness today.

[theelt712]

I am really nervous. I woke up with severe bloating, chest pressure so bad I almost told my mom to call 911, shortness of breath, and fatigue.

[Skyler]

I am really nervous. I woke up with severe bloating, chest pressure so bad I almost told my mom to call 911, shortness of breath, and fatigue.

 

I'm really sorry this is all so miserable for you and hope your day is better.  Shortness of breath is scary..

[theelt712]

I actually had moments today where it felt like I stopped breathing for a half second.

[Altostrata]

You might help yourself best by not focusing on your breathing. Rather than do that, get up and talk a walk.

[Skyler]

The.. Normal respiration is 12 to 18 a minute.. a half second pause (or even many seconds) is not a cessation of breathing!  I thought you were speaking of long pauses.. Alto is right. You need to refocus your attention away from your breathing.

 

"The Average respiratory rate reported in a healthy adult at rest is usually given as 12–18 breaths per minute^[3][4] but estimates do vary between sources, e.g., 12–20 breaths per minute, 10–14,^[5] between 16–18,^[6] etc. With such a slow rate, more accurate readings are obtained by counting the number of breaths over a full minute."

[theelt712]

Thank you, it may help a lot. It just feels odd.

[theelt712]

Feeling really upset today. My body is achy and in pain, and it gets worse when there is any semblance of emotion involved. My stomach is being so messed up that I am afraid to eat and meanwhile, I just fear that this will not get better. I have tears in my eyes writing this. I want to wake up and have everything be ok. The upset is not anywhere deep but nonetheless effects me. My muscles ache a lot.

[theelt712]

And here goes the crying. I am so sick of all of this BS. Headed to sleep.

[alex]

Super T: crying is good.

Have a good night.

[theelt712]

Thanks for the kind words. I woke up with shortness of breath and chest pressure again. I think I actually passed out this morning. My breathing slowed and I was thinking, "This is it!" and it felt like I stopped. I opened my eyes sgain. It felt like a minute but it was an hour later. I do not know how much longer I can stay anhedonic. I just do not know. I do not know if I have the paitence for it.

[alex]

T, I know it is hard to ask a 15yr old to be patient.....but you must!

Your neuro-anxiety is tricking you;please try to focus on something else.

I am a 60yr old man, who took AD for 4 years,with a very complicated life, and I AM DOING BETTER!!

 So why wouldn't you....??

 

My dear child, remember the mind is a powerful thing.

BTW, how is Luna (moon)?

 

Hugs, A.

[theelt712]

I will try and Luna is good, cleaning herself.

[theelt712]

Tried to sleep with the pillow elevated, woke up just now sweating and shivering. Granted, the room is freezing butvwaking up in a sweat and fatigued is definitely unnerving. I up, got a glass of water, but I am still shivering. I woke up slightly dizzy, but not upon standing. I am still fatigued. Ugh. I have no idea if it is me, sleep apnea complications if I DO have it or w/d.

[Petunia]

It sounds like a w/d symptom to me. Sweating, fatigue and dizziness are common.  I've been getting these symptoms on and off since my w/d started.  I had a window of a few months where it stopped, but then it started again.  I know all these symptoms are very unpleasant, but try to accept that its just withdrawal, not dangerous and they will pass eventually.

 

Try and think of it like as if you broke your leg in several places.  Its going to heal, eventually, but until it does its going to hurt, be uncomfortable and very inconvenient, but you don't need to worry that the symptoms from your broken leg are some other illness or condition.  So try and think of the symptoms of w/d in the same way.

[theelt712]

Thank you for such loving words, Petu, I wil try. Today was an odd day. I kept daydreaming, having creative thoughts, just like old me! Even almost, ALMOST feeling. But I could not! grr! I wrote a song today, a tune came into my head, just like it used to. I just need the feelings to come back and all of the muscle aches and pains to go away. I get brain zaps and mild head buzzing when I do almost feel. Come on brain, you can do it!

[theelt712]

I actually found a book semi interesting today. Two books, actually. One book does not hold my gaze for long (normal for me, even premed) and the other sounds really cool. If I can ever get over these symptoms, I may start reading this weekend. I saw a homeless, pregnant cat on the street today, started petting it and felt a slight feeling of compassion. I forgot it was possible to have that sort of compassion. It just sort of happened. I could not force it or anything. I inhaled today, inhaled deeply the cool air. I felt slight relief. Nowhere near full, but 20% ish. Interesting stuff. Now if only my sleep could improve and anhedonia 100% gone. I can dream. The GI issues, too. Thinking of going gluten free but that sounds hard.

[theelt712]

Did I get actual sleep last night? I did! I did, however, have PTSD nightmares, something about my dad. It always trigers me, because of what he did to me and my mom. I had a slight sadness today, not deep at all, about 20% and it came as quickly as it went. But, it reminded me that sadness was somewhere in me. Having more creative thoughts today.

[theelt712]

My GI issues are getting worse. I ate Burger King today and that triggered bloating, gas, no chest pressure this time but shortness of breath and I am considering getting my gall bladder checked out.

[theelt712]

My breathing is slowed and my intrusive thoughts and DR are through the roof. It is definitely trippy when you begin to think about you and your whole life and body being one huge dream for no reason at all. I would go to bed but my best friend is texting me. I will soon.

[theelt712]

Listening to old grunge music again, although I can not feel it, it is a welcome change that I am listening to it again. Through this SSRI thing, I have been listening to a lot of rap. Very odd for me.

[theelt712]

Life is colorless. I am going on four months off these drugs, and what do I have to show for it? My life is messed up. In addition to anhedonia, my boyfriend has grown distant, my stomach is out of whack, and my mom and I always argue. I hate it. The road is black and I keep trailing in the dark.

[theelt712]

Having muscle cramps again and I am slightly fatigued, breathing seems off. Uggh. Will this crap ever end? I hate the pain, I feel terrible and out of it all of the time.

[Karma]

This thread just bubbled up and I think it might be meaningful to you:

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2329-gastrointestinal-problems-linked-to-withdrawal/ and particularly this link that is in this thread: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2318-irritable-bowel-syndrome-gut-bacteria-and-what-you-can-do/

 

Karma

[theelt712]

Thank you, I have looked there, the infornation was useful! Another day...more anhedonia. Does it end? How does it happen?

[alex]

 Another day...more anhedonia. Does it end? How does it happen?

 

Yes it does; slowly.

[theelt712]

Thank you, Alex. This really weird sensation came up today. It is almost like shivering but not shivering, is really uncomfortable, is in my hands and sometimes chest and almost feels like my heart skips a beat. It lasts a couple of seconds and is really scary.

[theelt712]

I do not know if I could ever truly accept this state. I try, but how can you accept the failure of happiness and everything you have ever loved.....lost? This is why I lose hope. The anhedonia has such a strong hold of me right now that I am losing grip and losing sight because I "feel" that I am back where I started! I hate this bs...

[Jemima]

The anhedonia will pass, although that happens a lot more slowly than any of us would like.  Try to keep in mind that none of us can see even one minute ahead into the future, so deciding, at this moment, that things will always be the way they are now is self-defeating and almost certainly dead wrong.

 

I think I'm beginning to come out of my anhedonia, which has lasted for over a year, but the changes are so subtle it's sometimes difficult to tell what's going on.  Unlike the windows and waves pattern that many withdrawal symptoms follow, this one seems to just fade...but very, very gradually.

[theelt712]

I couldn't agree more with you, Jemima, and it is so unbelievably wierd. Some people get windows and waves of anhedonia and some do not.

[Jemima]

Where have you read or heard that some people get windows and waves of anhedonia? I don't mean that as a challenge, but I've read everything I can find on the subject and haven't come across that.  I've read that anhedonia occurs and that some people have completely recovered and gotten past it, but the only description I've seen on this board is a recent post by Aria which describes an experience similar to mine.

 

I do remember having more or less pleasant experiences when I first started socializing again, but positive emotions and creativity weren't part of that, and this is what I'm still missing.

[theelt712]

I have not seen her post but I have gotten it in a private message on another site but I am trying to see the small changes. I noticed today that food smelled pretty good for like five seconds and it went away, subtle!

[alex]

  Unlike the windows and waves pattern that many withdrawal symptoms follow, this one seems to just fade...but very, very gradually.

 Hello Jemima; I agree with you,

Also you have to push yourself a little bit to make it happen.

I am starting to enjoy some things; it is coming back very slowly.

[theelt712]

Alex, that is great! I feel like my brain is working oddly, feeling only 10% in little flashbacks. I kinda want to go on meds, not SSRIs, that will increase dopamine. I am, however, too scared. What to do.

[alex]

. I kinda want to go on meds, not SSRIs, that will increase dopamine. I am, however, too scared. What to do.

 My dear Super T, ALL the experiences from recovery that I've read, say the same thing:stay away from meds.

I know it's tempting,but your body is trying to go back to normal, taking any med. now would be a bad idea.

Give it time T. Time.

You are doing good.You are sleeping, that is a huge aid for healing your CNS.

 

Hang in there.

 

Hugs,A.

[theelt712]

Bloating and GI issues are at a max. When I get bloated, it pains my ribs, my sides, the top of my stomach, everything, and it makes me exhausted. My whole body aches, it feels like I tore something in my lower left forearm, and the anhedonia just sucks. Sigh.