Muddles Posted July 10, 2015 Author Share Posted July 10, 2015 Can't believe how people view me now. I've seriously had enough. The so called friends - my god...how I wished I could see through these people before. Wish I could heal tomorrow and give them what for but right now the stress of all this is just pushing me further down the wrong track. Having this happen is devastating but the way people treat us and the loss of family and friends makes it so much worse - a double blow. What a cruel world. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
Flowers Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 It is a cruel world - that's why I prefer animals! Has something bad happened? (Maybe I missed something on your thread). 15 yrs on 20 to 30 mgs CITALOPRAM. MAY 2014 Increased to 40 mgs per day.SEPT/NOV 2014 tapered in 6 weeks down to 10 mgs as per Dr instructions due to violent nightmares/palpitations.Given Noctamid (lormetazepam) to help with anxiety. On average took 2mg per day for 8 weeks.No taper was advised.DEC 2014 WD severe. Nervous tic in eyes and limbs, muscle pain,fluct temp, weakness, dep and anxiety, nausea, giddy, unstable when walking. Different Dr suggested taking 20mgs CIT. BROMAZEPAM 3mgs up to 3 x daily for anxiety.DEC 9 2014 Updose CIT to 30mgs. Only taking BROMAZEPAM in emergency.DEC 31 2014 Settling at 30mg CIT - helping with depression. No Brom for 2wks.Found SA.APR 2015 Trying to stabilise on 30mgs CIT. JAN 2016 Started Cit Taper reducing by 5% per month. 28.5 mgs FEB Taper held bereavement. APR Taper resumed 27mgs . MAY 25.50 mgs . JUNE 24 mgs . JULY I stupidly mixed up my BP meds with CIT. Consequently took no CIT for 3 days and doubled my BP meds. Waiting for the fallout....Holding for a while until any chance of repercussions have abated. SEPT taper resumed to 22.5 mgs . OCT 21 mgs .NOV 19.95 mgs DEC crashed. 2017: FEB 3rd updose to 20.5 mgs to try to stabilise.FEB.switched over to 75mgs of Venlafaxine XR for 3 weeks.Too stimulating so switching back to Cit. 12 March 37.5 Ven and 20 Cit. 21 March 18mg Ven 20mg Cit. 4 April 9mg Ven 20mg Cit. Xanax .50mg when needed. 13 April 0 mgs Ven, 20mg Citalopram. Xanax .50 mg per day. 5 May reinstated a small amount of Ven to stabilize 1 mg twice a day. 20 mg Citalopram at night. Xanax .25 mg twice per day.Other Meds: Losartan (BP)Started 1993 at 50 mgs at night. Seretide (Asthma) Started 1996 at 1 puff twice a day. Jan 2019 Antibiotic Ceclor 500mgs twice a day for bronchitis and Atrovent 2ml capsules twice a day for asthma. Finished the course of both Jan 17. XANAX Jan 27 - Feb 3 2019 Failed Valium Crossover. Feb 14 2019 Updosed Xanax by .0625 Feb 17 2019 Decreased Xanax by .0625. Back to .50mg daily. Update Xanax 28.2.20 tapered to .1250 mg 8am .25 mg midnight. Update Xanax 11.8.21 tapered to .25 mg at night. Current Meds 28.2.19: CITALOPRAM 20mg taken at midnight. VENLAFAXINE .9 mg twice a day at 8am and 10pm. XANAX .50 mg split into 4 doses per day. 10am .0625mg / 2pm .1250mg/ 6pm .0625mg / midnight .25mg.Update 10.8.22 .25 mg at night. LOSARTAN 50 mgs taken at midnight. SERETIDE 1 puff taken at 8am and 10pm. 7.7.19 VENLAFAXINE UPDATE: Started tapering 10% every 4 weeks. Currently .4 mg twice a day at 8am and 10 pm. 2.9.19 .36 mg x 2. 1.10.19 .32 mg x 2. 26.11.19 .29 mg x2. 26.12.19 .26 mg x 2. 23.1.20 .23 mg x 2. 20.2.20 .21 mg x2.20.3.20 .19 mg x 2. 21.4.20 .17 mg x 2. 19.5.20 .13 mg x 2. 18.6.20 .11mg x 2 .18.7.20.10 mg x 2.1.9.20.09 mg x 2. 30.9. 20 .08 mg x 2. 1.11.20 .07 mg x 2. 2.12.20 .06 mg x 2. 8.1.21 .05 mg x 2. 4.2.21 .04 mg x 2. 9.3.21 .03 mgx2. 7.4.21 .02 mg x 2. 9.5.21 .01 mg x 2. 21.6.21 .01 mg x 1. 11.8.21 ZERO! Link to comment
luv2knit Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 I think people just don't get this--and how could they?! It just makes no sense whatsoever!! Zoloft 100 mg. daily for Chronic Fatigue Syndrome since Oct. 1994 / Synthroid 88 mcg. daily / Supplements: Neptune Krill Oil-1,000 mg. twice daily/Astaxanthin 10 mg. twice daily/Ubiquinol 100 mg. twice daily (These 3 have allowed me to discontinue (approved by doctor) bp meds I was on. Calcium Citrate 500 mg. daily/Vitamin D3 2,400 iu daily/K2 (MK7) 100 mcg daily (osteopenia and fam. hist. of severe osteoporosis). Stress B Complex (1/2 dose)/Quercetin (for allergies/asthma)/Magnesium (400 mg. oral glycinate and about 50 mg. magnesium chloride spray oil a day, divided throughout day). Tapered Zoloft about 6 wks. Totally off since the end of July (25-29, 2014). 3 wks. vertigo at end of taper, then 3-4 wks. OK, followed by withdrawal symptoms increasing in severity (nausea, gastric disturbances, loss of appetite, insomnia, restlessness, jitters, anxiety, agitation--jumping out of my skin--possible akathisia?) Seem to have paradoxical reactions to everything new, even Vitamin C. Severity of akathisia comes and goes, but is constant to some degree. Hard to leave house, and cannot be home alone. (Retired) Link to comment
Muddles Posted July 10, 2015 Author Share Posted July 10, 2015 They don't luv. One of the families close friend has cancer and I know for a fact everyone sees me as week because she is able to go out, drink, laugh and be positive. Does this just not prove how Fckin bad this is? I feel like everyone thinks I'm a hypochondriac seeking attention 24/7. That's far from the truth. I've been through some very tough times in my life and never once seeked attention....that's not me at all. That's what annoys me the most.....people. I Fckin hate normal people. I'm not sure even if I recovered I would want to be with any of the people I have in my life apart from my children and husband - and even he is pushing it to be on the list to boot....lol!!!! Rage!!!!!! Sorry for the rant!!!! You guys are amazing - let's all live together on an island in the middle of nowhere so we can heal together without the grief. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
Muddles Posted July 10, 2015 Author Share Posted July 10, 2015 It is a cruel world - that's why I prefer animals! Has something bad happened? (Maybe I missed something on your thread). Nothing's happened flowers - apart from me turning into a raging, crazy person again. Hope you're ok hunni. Xxxx 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
bluebalu86 Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 I feel exactly the same Muddles. I hate people. I just want for everyone to leave me alone. I'm so bitter and angry. This is what I just posted on my facebook wall "So sick of understanding you and your "well meaningness" and "good intentions", when you don't bother to understand me or my situation or what I'm going through. Sick of your ignorance. Sick of you treating me like an idiot. Sick of your "advice". Leave me alone. It's my wall and I'll post whatever I want. Don't bother replying." I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.December - things getting even worse. January - unbearable suffering Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 Yes, it does prove how bad it is.. When I'm in a wave people say stuff like come on can't be that bad..I'm rubbish at hiding it I'm sure my face almost turns to stone in a wave lol! Argh! So sorry muddles it's so hard...I have the rage as well.. 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Flowers Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 Muddles no one truly understands and you are not weak and probably stronger than anyone facing other life threatening illnesses. What people don't realise is that the CNS affects every part of the body. We are having to live with physical and mental problems which makes everything so hard. People say to me I don't look ill - little do they know what is going on inside my head! I must admit I have been a bit of a drama queen in the past and this hasn't done me much good now. I think people think I am overreacting and having a nervous breakdown! Well, things are getting better for me I am pleased to say and I am planning to taper slowly from Sept. I turn my anger into actions- that I will show this lot including the Dr's who got me into this mess that I can get well - hopefully! I really wish the same for you oneday. 15 yrs on 20 to 30 mgs CITALOPRAM. MAY 2014 Increased to 40 mgs per day.SEPT/NOV 2014 tapered in 6 weeks down to 10 mgs as per Dr instructions due to violent nightmares/palpitations.Given Noctamid (lormetazepam) to help with anxiety. On average took 2mg per day for 8 weeks.No taper was advised.DEC 2014 WD severe. Nervous tic in eyes and limbs, muscle pain,fluct temp, weakness, dep and anxiety, nausea, giddy, unstable when walking. Different Dr suggested taking 20mgs CIT. BROMAZEPAM 3mgs up to 3 x daily for anxiety.DEC 9 2014 Updose CIT to 30mgs. Only taking BROMAZEPAM in emergency.DEC 31 2014 Settling at 30mg CIT - helping with depression. No Brom for 2wks.Found SA.APR 2015 Trying to stabilise on 30mgs CIT. JAN 2016 Started Cit Taper reducing by 5% per month. 28.5 mgs FEB Taper held bereavement. APR Taper resumed 27mgs . MAY 25.50 mgs . JUNE 24 mgs . JULY I stupidly mixed up my BP meds with CIT. Consequently took no CIT for 3 days and doubled my BP meds. Waiting for the fallout....Holding for a while until any chance of repercussions have abated. SEPT taper resumed to 22.5 mgs . OCT 21 mgs .NOV 19.95 mgs DEC crashed. 2017: FEB 3rd updose to 20.5 mgs to try to stabilise.FEB.switched over to 75mgs of Venlafaxine XR for 3 weeks.Too stimulating so switching back to Cit. 12 March 37.5 Ven and 20 Cit. 21 March 18mg Ven 20mg Cit. 4 April 9mg Ven 20mg Cit. Xanax .50mg when needed. 13 April 0 mgs Ven, 20mg Citalopram. Xanax .50 mg per day. 5 May reinstated a small amount of Ven to stabilize 1 mg twice a day. 20 mg Citalopram at night. Xanax .25 mg twice per day.Other Meds: Losartan (BP)Started 1993 at 50 mgs at night. Seretide (Asthma) Started 1996 at 1 puff twice a day. Jan 2019 Antibiotic Ceclor 500mgs twice a day for bronchitis and Atrovent 2ml capsules twice a day for asthma. Finished the course of both Jan 17. XANAX Jan 27 - Feb 3 2019 Failed Valium Crossover. Feb 14 2019 Updosed Xanax by .0625 Feb 17 2019 Decreased Xanax by .0625. Back to .50mg daily. Update Xanax 28.2.20 tapered to .1250 mg 8am .25 mg midnight. Update Xanax 11.8.21 tapered to .25 mg at night. Current Meds 28.2.19: CITALOPRAM 20mg taken at midnight. VENLAFAXINE .9 mg twice a day at 8am and 10pm. XANAX .50 mg split into 4 doses per day. 10am .0625mg / 2pm .1250mg/ 6pm .0625mg / midnight .25mg.Update 10.8.22 .25 mg at night. LOSARTAN 50 mgs taken at midnight. SERETIDE 1 puff taken at 8am and 10pm. 7.7.19 VENLAFAXINE UPDATE: Started tapering 10% every 4 weeks. Currently .4 mg twice a day at 8am and 10 pm. 2.9.19 .36 mg x 2. 1.10.19 .32 mg x 2. 26.11.19 .29 mg x2. 26.12.19 .26 mg x 2. 23.1.20 .23 mg x 2. 20.2.20 .21 mg x2.20.3.20 .19 mg x 2. 21.4.20 .17 mg x 2. 19.5.20 .13 mg x 2. 18.6.20 .11mg x 2 .18.7.20.10 mg x 2.1.9.20.09 mg x 2. 30.9. 20 .08 mg x 2. 1.11.20 .07 mg x 2. 2.12.20 .06 mg x 2. 8.1.21 .05 mg x 2. 4.2.21 .04 mg x 2. 9.3.21 .03 mgx2. 7.4.21 .02 mg x 2. 9.5.21 .01 mg x 2. 21.6.21 .01 mg x 1. 11.8.21 ZERO! Link to comment
Muddles Posted July 12, 2015 Author Share Posted July 12, 2015 Thanks flowers - I'm so pleased to hear you are doing better. Good luck with that taper in September. I've took a huge nose dive. Head is so thick with awful fog and darkness. The pain in my body and mind is too much to bare. Thoughts, images - beyond hell. I don't want to die but this is too much. I don't think I can survive this level of suffering. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
AliG Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 Hi Muddles, Please don't be too hard on yourself. You are very strong, not "weak". This has happened to me as well. Certain "family & friends" tend to "drop away", as it gets a little bit hard. That is one thing with what we have been through, is it seems to make us "more discerning", with who & what we do with our time. However, this can be a good thing , as we focus on "who & what" , is really important. At the end of the day, it's the "people" who empathize and understand us , that we feel closest to. You can survive this. Hugs. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Laura1981 Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 Sending you a hug Muddles! You have to survive this! We have to stick around to see the day when the world realizes what they have done by giving antidepressants to everyone. You can do this. One day at a time. Feb 2015 Took venlafaxine for 5 days only... experienced withdrawal that made me completely non-functional Mar 2015 took under 1mg of Sertraline for 10 days in an attempt to combat Venlafaxine withdrawal. Got adverse reactions. After stopping Sertraline, withdrawal got much worse. New, horrific symptoms. June 2015 Still non-functional but slowly getting better. Still brain zaps, migraines, sweating, heart racing, depression, crying spells September 2015: 24/7 brain zaps, twitches in the face, no concentration, bad memory, language skills deteriorating. Profile feed: http://goo.gl/3g2GRn Sign this petition for a blackbox warning on Prozac in Ireland: https://www.change.org/p/leo-varadakar-hpra-the-lack-of-a-blackbox-warning-on-prozac-in-ireland-and-its-use-by-the-hse-in-under-18-s?recruiter=63289046&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=share_for_starters_page&utm_term=des-lg-no_src-no_msg Link to comment
bluebalu86 Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 Hang in there Muddles. I'm very sick too. I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.December - things getting even worse. January - unbearable suffering Link to comment
Muddles Posted July 12, 2015 Author Share Posted July 12, 2015 Thanks blue. Thinking of you. I'm putting this link here because I've read it before and forgot. Btdt may also be interested to read it. Hope she's ok - I can't find her posts I'm that bad today. http://www.chemicalinjury.net/MC/23%20Toxic%20Encephalopathy.doc 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
Muddles Posted July 12, 2015 Author Share Posted July 12, 2015 My biggest issues I think relate to the above link. I'm not able to handle any toxins or emf and that in itself is destroying my brain. How the hell am I ever going tiger well. So bad today - in and out of drugged sleep, severe headache and body pain which nearly sent me to hospital, drooling, strange thoughts and basically thought I was going to die. In-fact I still think I'm going to die - that's how this feels. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
luv2knit Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 You will make it, Muddles! My husband gets it, but I'm not sure he REALLY gets it. I know at the very least, he is tired of it! My daughter has similar issues, so she gets it, but in the beginning, she obviously just thought I was trying to compete with her for attention. I think (hope) she now realizes this is not the case, but I don't really know. I just wish it would all be over, as do we all! Zoloft 100 mg. daily for Chronic Fatigue Syndrome since Oct. 1994 / Synthroid 88 mcg. daily / Supplements: Neptune Krill Oil-1,000 mg. twice daily/Astaxanthin 10 mg. twice daily/Ubiquinol 100 mg. twice daily (These 3 have allowed me to discontinue (approved by doctor) bp meds I was on. Calcium Citrate 500 mg. daily/Vitamin D3 2,400 iu daily/K2 (MK7) 100 mcg daily (osteopenia and fam. hist. of severe osteoporosis). Stress B Complex (1/2 dose)/Quercetin (for allergies/asthma)/Magnesium (400 mg. oral glycinate and about 50 mg. magnesium chloride spray oil a day, divided throughout day). Tapered Zoloft about 6 wks. Totally off since the end of July (25-29, 2014). 3 wks. vertigo at end of taper, then 3-4 wks. OK, followed by withdrawal symptoms increasing in severity (nausea, gastric disturbances, loss of appetite, insomnia, restlessness, jitters, anxiety, agitation--jumping out of my skin--possible akathisia?) Seem to have paradoxical reactions to everything new, even Vitamin C. Severity of akathisia comes and goes, but is constant to some degree. Hard to leave house, and cannot be home alone. (Retired) Link to comment
Pugknows Posted July 12, 2015 Share Posted July 12, 2015 Muddles, I'm sorry you are suffering so much. This WD does whatever it wants to do to us. No rhyme or reason or answers. I have stopped trying to find the cause or the solution. It is what it is. It sucks. All of it. But it's temporary. We all will heal 100%. Everybody does. Love you, Pug January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
Muddles Posted July 13, 2015 Author Share Posted July 13, 2015 Thank you so much - all of you. I have no words anymore. The depression is so, so deep that I can't even walk. I'm on my own and I am scared For my life. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 I'm so sorry, I wish I could say something but I'm so sick too. I always think of you ❤️ Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
Muddles Posted July 13, 2015 Author Share Posted July 13, 2015 Thanks Sky. I don't see an end in sight. Looking back at my posts I don't even remember typing them. I think I'm losing the plot big time. My daughter has been on her trip to France and I should be excited to see her later - I just feel doom and dread. What the hell have they done to me! I love my children - why do I feel this way towards them? I would rather die than feel this way towards them. They don't deserve this and I keep thinking I should go before I get any worse because I would rather me die than them hating me. I would rather them not see me in bed not giving a sh** about them but them to remember me as I was...if they can even remember that now. Sick - totally sick. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
bluebalu86 Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 Muddles, you are being unnecessarily hard and brutal on yourself. I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.December - things getting even worse. January - unbearable suffering Link to comment
Muddles Posted July 13, 2015 Author Share Posted July 13, 2015 I'm sorry for that awful, desperate post. Im swinging in all sorts of states at the moment. I'm logging out until I hit some kind of normality. In my next life time maybe. Lol. Thinking of you all. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
KT38 Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 Hi Muddles! I just came across this post and am so sorry for what you are going through. Have you been off since Sept 2014? And nothing since then? Dec 2014 I tried Zoloft 25mg for one week (adverse reaction - extreme anxiety and felt like I was on an amphetamine). Dr. said to quit cold turkey, so I not only quit Zoloft but also 2 weeks of Xanax .25mg -- extreme dizziness, hyperarousal and anxiety began! On Jan. 29, 2015 my psychiatrist put me on new stuff and this is how my next 2 months and 7 days looked like (I was having the same bad reactions to all of these):Effexor XR 37.5mg (3 days) - throwing up, heart palpations, night tremors/convulsions or something where whole body shakes for a second, Prozac 10mg (15 days), Prozac 20mg (7 days) - internal restlessness, electric current through body/brain (not zaps), agitation, intense fear and could no longer nap at this point (still can't today because of this), Lexapro 5mg (4 days) - same as Prozac, a horror show...extreme internal agitation, Lexapro 7.5mg (2 days), Lexapro 10mg (16 days), Zoloft 12.5mg (3 days)...she said try it again since my blood relative does well on it, Zoloft 25mg (7 days) - same as before and getting worse!! Zoloft 50mg (6 days), Zoloft 25mg (4 days and then came off cold turkey on April 8, 2015). I used Xanax .25mg about 7 times per month through all of this until June 30, 2015 (my last benzo dose). Extreme anxiety, nervous system traumatized, mental akathisia, anger triggered by nothing but the brain totally going off on its own, feeling of a pressurized electric current going through me like my brain and body are trying to explode, stress reaction x10000 to everything, waking in terror lasting all day, fear, very sensitive, brain can't keep up, don't know what to do with myself, feeling like everything is going too fast and I can't keep up, helium head, deep depression like something is ripping out my soul, out of my mind, can hardly drive or be alone, cognitive issues, simple tasks are so complex and straining, feel disturbed because the brain can't process anything right even though your brain tries so hard and it makes you go mad, episodes of deep anguish with a sick toxic poison feeling (like you have some unknown virus). Link to comment
Muddles Posted July 15, 2015 Author Share Posted July 15, 2015 Hi KT. Yes - free since September and haven't taken anything. The severe brain fog and gummed up brain has not changed in all of this time. It's getting worse. To me this feels like brain damage and always has done. I get out of bed in a morning and stuble about like I'm drunk. This is how it feels - like the worst hangover in the world 24:7. I have a neurologist appointment on Monday. I don't even know how I'm going to get there in this state but I have to go. I'm scared - 36 with Alzheimer's symptoms and everything else on top. He will refuse to put this down to the drug - I know that for sure but he can't deny there is something seriously wrong here and progressively getting worse. One wish would be to get that appointment with Dr healy. I need help with care at home for me and the children. My husband can't take care of us as he has his own business and can't afford to have anymore time off. If I don't get this iatrogenic illness on my records this will be looked upon as a serious mental illness and I will probably get my kids taken away. I would die then. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
Mentor ang Posted July 15, 2015 Mentor Share Posted July 15, 2015 Hi Muddles, sorry you are suffering! Hang in there! I am 56, I would think I had alzeimers too, my short term memory is shot, and I didnt realise it. Good people are forgiving! And as we heal, we do gravitate towards the good people, and we forget the ignorant ones.................. I truly think before Christmas, you will be feeling a bit better, and every a bit better, is a milestone! So imagine that next Christmas, being able to enjoy it with your family..... Keep the memory......... it will be your prize for hanging in there..... Basically I have been off the stuff 12 months. I only started to feel a little bit better recently.............. my brain is clear enough now, that I KNOW MY CHILDREN LOVE ME, regardless, I KNOW I LOVE MYSELF, regardless,( keep saying that one over and over!!!). Learning to be kind to myself is the difficult one......... I know I am not well, but luckily I am now well enough to keep putting one foot in front of the other...... so to speak....... LEARN TO BE KIND TO YOURSELF. How would you treat another you? If you were a different person, needing love, and nurturing? What would you be like to that person? Well treat yourself the same.... And the visions, the absurd things I see in the early morning, sometimes bad, sometimes not so bad, all just crazy horrible random brain thoughts (brain farts?). So I think I understand what you are saying.... It is all withdrawals, tis all. I am now confident I will get better, eventually. I have actually had a few nights, where I have had normal dreams, like I used to have, like clearing out and winding down from the day before............ I am hopeful my sleep will improve............ The thoughts you are having, are very painful, but not real............... no-one knows what we go through, only fellow sufferers........ God I would prefer cancer to this!..........tell them that! Who cares their reaction? And also the antidepressant script comes with the cancer diagnosis, these days? So ask the question? You may be the one supporting your cancer stricken relative, when the cancer is gone, but the antidepressant harm is still there. Let your daughter know how you feel, and your husband. Because I found, with my son, if I didnt tell him, how I was feeling, and just say it is the withdrawals, he had no idea, why I was "lazy", uninvolved, unable to go out of the house, unable to shower, all day in a dressing gown...........or having crying fits.......... Now he sees my sad eyes, and I just say ""it's a stage I am going through"........... As for the wider family? Gosh none of my own siblings want to know me.......... at first I was hurt, now I am not........... with their lack of understanding (pehaps guilt, seeing as a sister got me on the stuff).... and lack of understanding for my rash and irresponsible decisions on the damn drugs,,,,,,,,,,,,, ANYWAY ALL I KNOW IS I PREFER THEY STAY CLEAR........... I DONT NEED THEM>>>>>> they are a hindrance to my health. Maybe one day in the future, I will do the birthday card thing? But it isn't a priority. So hang in there, however bad it gets, could you imagine yourself as a child, finding your mother suicided? Dont do it........................ hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxx many hugs coming your way.... cause damn your are the strongest person I know.............and all the rest of us on this site, arent far behind. 1992 Dothiepin 375mg 8 weeks, exhaustion/depression. Serotonin syndrome, oh yes! seizures . Fell pregnant, 3rd baby, Nitrous Oxide, 3 weeks mental hospital pp psychosis. zoloft tegretol. Feb 1996 ct tegretol, tapered Zoloft 8 weeks. as (unexpectedly) pregnant. Steven died after 3 days.(Zolft HLHS baby). 98 had run in with Paxil, 2 tablets, 3 weeks taper, survived.2005..menopause? exhausted again. Zyprexa, mad in three days, fallout.... Seroquel, Effexor, tegretol, and 8 years of self destruction. Failed taper.Damn 1/4 valium... nuts again! .fallout, zoloft 100mg seroquol 400mg mirtazapine 45 mg tegretol 400mg. Mid 14 3 month taper. Nov 14 CRASH.Mid 15 .... 75mg seroquel, 3 x 1800mg SJW 2 week window end of December followed by 6 week wave5/2 68mg seroquel, 2.5 x 1800mg SJW::::20/2 61mg seroquel, 2.5 x SJW::: 26/2 54mg seroquel, 2 x SJW::::21/3 43mg seroquel, 1 x 2700SJW :::: 23/4 36mg seroquel 1 x 1800 SJW15/5 33mg seroquel, 1 x SJW:::: 28/5 30mg seroquel, 1 x SJW::::; 18/6 25mg seroquel 1/2 SJW::::, 11/7 21mg seroquel 1/2 SJW::, 26/7 18mg seroquel 1/2 SJW:::, 9/8 12mg seroquel :::, 16/8 6mg seroquel ;;;;, 12/9 0 jump. 23/9 3mg....., 27/9 0mg. Reinstated, 6mg, then 12mg............. LIGHTBULB MOMENT, I have MTHFR 2x mutations. CFS and issues with MOULD in my home. So I left home, and working 150km away during week, loving it. Oh was hard, panic attacks first week, gone now, along with the mould issues. Link to comment
Mentor ang Posted July 15, 2015 Mentor Share Posted July 15, 2015 ps I miss my darling dad, so so much........... I was only six........ and damn now in my heart, I know the cause of his death wasnt suicide, it was suicide brought on by a damn valium prescription............ because valium destroys me too! but god, the riple effect? Now depression runs in the family, what a damn pharmaceutical con! 1992 Dothiepin 375mg 8 weeks, exhaustion/depression. Serotonin syndrome, oh yes! seizures . Fell pregnant, 3rd baby, Nitrous Oxide, 3 weeks mental hospital pp psychosis. zoloft tegretol. Feb 1996 ct tegretol, tapered Zoloft 8 weeks. as (unexpectedly) pregnant. Steven died after 3 days.(Zolft HLHS baby). 98 had run in with Paxil, 2 tablets, 3 weeks taper, survived.2005..menopause? exhausted again. Zyprexa, mad in three days, fallout.... Seroquel, Effexor, tegretol, and 8 years of self destruction. Failed taper.Damn 1/4 valium... nuts again! .fallout, zoloft 100mg seroquol 400mg mirtazapine 45 mg tegretol 400mg. Mid 14 3 month taper. Nov 14 CRASH.Mid 15 .... 75mg seroquel, 3 x 1800mg SJW 2 week window end of December followed by 6 week wave5/2 68mg seroquel, 2.5 x 1800mg SJW::::20/2 61mg seroquel, 2.5 x SJW::: 26/2 54mg seroquel, 2 x SJW::::21/3 43mg seroquel, 1 x 2700SJW :::: 23/4 36mg seroquel 1 x 1800 SJW15/5 33mg seroquel, 1 x SJW:::: 28/5 30mg seroquel, 1 x SJW::::; 18/6 25mg seroquel 1/2 SJW::::, 11/7 21mg seroquel 1/2 SJW::, 26/7 18mg seroquel 1/2 SJW:::, 9/8 12mg seroquel :::, 16/8 6mg seroquel ;;;;, 12/9 0 jump. 23/9 3mg....., 27/9 0mg. Reinstated, 6mg, then 12mg............. LIGHTBULB MOMENT, I have MTHFR 2x mutations. CFS and issues with MOULD in my home. So I left home, and working 150km away during week, loving it. Oh was hard, panic attacks first week, gone now, along with the mould issues. Link to comment
Muddles Posted July 16, 2015 Author Share Posted July 16, 2015 Thanks For stopping by on my thread Ang...it makes so much sense. I appreciate it. Upsets me to think I have no choice but to stay and suffer this...I am that emotionally dead that sometimes I don't care how those would suffer if I left and that's shocking. I am sick of the whole ordeal, angry that we have to suffer so much because of these drugs. I want it to be over now. I want to be a mother and wife again - nothing else, just that. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
bluebalu86 Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 I feel exactly the same Muddles. I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.December - things getting even worse. January - unbearable suffering Link to comment
bluebalu86 Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 I feel like I'm too young to be dealing with such horror at 29 years old. I'm ill equipped to deal with so much stress and the prospect of a ruined future. I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.December - things getting even worse. January - unbearable suffering Link to comment
AliG Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Muddles, Hang on. You're going to be ok Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Muddles Posted July 19, 2015 Author Share Posted July 19, 2015 Thanks Ali...somehow I don't believe that. I think of everything I have had to deal with in my life and that was hard but I was always ok - I struggled but always found ways of getting through it. This is different. Nothing makes this better or easier. Lot of stress in my family but always has been. When I had my children my life changed. I had a good husband who treated me like a princess and although the family stress always took its toll, I would come home to my perfect family and everything would be ok. Now that's been sabotaged. I feel like I am being punished but I can't think of what for. I have a neuro appointment tomorrow. I've got a feeling I won't get anywhere but he deals with toxicity and my major concern right now is the toxicity issues I have. My body and brain cannot rid of any toxins and it's literally killing me. If I don't sort that out I will never get any better. I watched a film last night - that doesn't happen very often but it was something I could kind of relate to. It was about a 50 something year old women with alzihmers. A lot of what she suffered and what she said was so similar to me. Even my sister cried at some of the words she said, the way she explained what it was like to have something wrong with her brain and how she wished she had some other disease. That lady was 50 something - I'm 36. All I kept thinking that was that she managed to see her children through school. She managed to get them through the most important years of their life. I am not managing that and doubt I will ever get to see what they will look like. That's what this is like - like I have a severe brain disease. I feel like I have been in a serious car accident and suffering terrible brain damage. I wished I didn't have to feel this damage in my brain. Maybe then I would have hope. If it was just the soul destroying depression and loss of emotions. Just the pain and confusion. The random never ending thoughts and images. Maybe then I could just convince myself I was mad. But no - what I feel in my head is pure injury. I have never doubted that. Nothing I feel resembles anything other than brain injury and it just gets progressively worse. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Addax Posted July 19, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted July 19, 2015 I feel compelled to write after reading about your feelings of hopelessness, Muddles. i honestly believe it's one of, if not THE worst symptom people experience in withdrawal. And yes, I wholeheartedly believe it's a true, actual withdrawal symptom, not just a result of the withdrawal symptoms we experience. I also know, based on my experience and reading the experience of so many others, that like our other symptoms it is not permanent. It passes. Those thoughts that it will never end, that there must be something more deeply wrong that "just withdrawal"... Those thoughts do and will dissipate. What makes these hopeless thoughts that much more cruel is that we are so convinced they're true, no amount reassurance or even straight up evidence seems to dissuade us from our convictions. You will get through this. The hopelessness will dissipate. I write that despite knowing that you probably don't believe me right now... Even though I'm confident I'm right. 1988-2012: Prozac @ 60mg (with a few stops and starts) Fall 2012: Returned to 40mg after discontinuing and horrid withdrawal Fall 2013: 40mg Fluoxetine, added 150mg Wellbutrin to treat fatigue Winter 2014: Attempting to taper both (too fast) April 2014: 9mg Fluoxetine + 37.5 Wellbutrin Summer 2014: 8 mg Fluoxetine + 0 Wellbutrin (way too fast a drop) Late summer/Early Fall 2014: Debilitating Withdrawal symptoms Fall 2014 - Wellbutrin successfully kicked to the curb but… Oct- Dec 2014: Panicked reinstatement of Fluoxetine ->30mg - held for 5yrs Jan 2021: taper to 20mg Fluoxetine then tapering by 1mg every 2-3 months Fall 2022 - held at 10mg->December 2022: 9mg->Feb 2023: 8mg ->March 2023: brassmonkey slide begins: 7.8mg -> 7.6 -> 7.4->2 week hold (April)->7.2->7mg->6.8->2 week hold->6.6-> 1-month hold ->(June)-6.5->4-week hold-> (July)-6.4 (discontinued brassmonkey slide and slowed taper)-> (Aug)-6.2->(Sept)-6.0->(Oct)-5.9->(Nov)-5.8->(Dec)-5.7->wave!->(Jan)-5.8->(Feb)-6mg and holding. My 2014 withdrawal experience: https://rxisk.org/antidepressant-withdrawal-a-prozac-story/ Link to comment
Muddles Posted July 20, 2015 Author Share Posted July 20, 2015 Thanks addax. I just can't understand why I am getting worse. I cannot put into words how my head feels this morning...seriously cannot find one person on the board who has described this. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
Laura1981 Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 (((((hugs)))) So sorry to hear you're feeling so bad! I'm sure others have felt similar and have also lacked the ability to put it into words. Maybe that's why it's nowhere written or explained the way you feel it. Our suffering is just so hard to describe. If feels like brain damage, like severe brain malfunction, like a part of us has been erased or disabled. But as Addax so beautifully explained: It's withdrawal and it's deceiving us to think it's something else, that we're the worst case of all and that we won't heal for sure. But it's not true. It's just withdrawal, in all of us. You'll heal!!! You'll heal!!! You'll heal!!! You'll heal!!! Feb 2015 Took venlafaxine for 5 days only... experienced withdrawal that made me completely non-functional Mar 2015 took under 1mg of Sertraline for 10 days in an attempt to combat Venlafaxine withdrawal. Got adverse reactions. After stopping Sertraline, withdrawal got much worse. New, horrific symptoms. June 2015 Still non-functional but slowly getting better. Still brain zaps, migraines, sweating, heart racing, depression, crying spells September 2015: 24/7 brain zaps, twitches in the face, no concentration, bad memory, language skills deteriorating. Profile feed: http://goo.gl/3g2GRn Sign this petition for a blackbox warning on Prozac in Ireland: https://www.change.org/p/leo-varadakar-hpra-the-lack-of-a-blackbox-warning-on-prozac-in-ireland-and-its-use-by-the-hse-in-under-18-s?recruiter=63289046&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=share_for_starters_page&utm_term=des-lg-no_src-no_msg Link to comment
Muddles Posted July 20, 2015 Author Share Posted July 20, 2015 Bless you Laura - thank you. Neurologist appointment this afternoon. Fingers crossed. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
Laura1981 Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 Oh yes, fingers crossed! I hope you get something useful out of it! Are you going to write down all your questions? I'm still trying to optimize my approach to doctors, so trying to learn from everybody. Feb 2015 Took venlafaxine for 5 days only... experienced withdrawal that made me completely non-functional Mar 2015 took under 1mg of Sertraline for 10 days in an attempt to combat Venlafaxine withdrawal. Got adverse reactions. After stopping Sertraline, withdrawal got much worse. New, horrific symptoms. June 2015 Still non-functional but slowly getting better. Still brain zaps, migraines, sweating, heart racing, depression, crying spells September 2015: 24/7 brain zaps, twitches in the face, no concentration, bad memory, language skills deteriorating. Profile feed: http://goo.gl/3g2GRn Sign this petition for a blackbox warning on Prozac in Ireland: https://www.change.org/p/leo-varadakar-hpra-the-lack-of-a-blackbox-warning-on-prozac-in-ireland-and-its-use-by-the-hse-in-under-18-s?recruiter=63289046&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=share_for_starters_page&utm_term=des-lg-no_src-no_msg Link to comment
Muddles Posted July 20, 2015 Author Share Posted July 20, 2015 Got absolutely no-where. Walked in - told him how this hell started 6 years ago. Adverse reactions - one thing I didn't mention was the word Akathisia but he actually told ME that this is what the reaction was so I was surprised at that. He did roll his eyes a lot when I spoke about the doctors reactions and the further drugging. Says he never prescribes antidepressants blah blah blah. basically couldn't really get a word in edge ways after that. Said I had all of the symptoms of ME, fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue but he belived theses illness' stem from a issue in the thalamus in the brain that cause migraine. If we treat the migraine the. All of these symptoms will go????? Mentioned the chemcial and emf sensitivities and he believes the chemcial reactions are migraine related and he doesn't believe EMF sensitivities - not enough proof. Wants me to try the very safe drug Gabapentin or pregablin (I can't spell them) which I said I couldn't take. And of course - I have a phobia of medication! Blah blah blah. He does belive my problems are caused from the drug but obviously knows nothing about this condition. I mentioned down regulation of receptors and he said receptors always repair. He didn't want to go down that route at all. He said if I go to another neurologist they will diagnose me with ME, fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue because I display all of the symptoms. he said he had never heard of anyone getting brain injury from these drugs - ecstasy, yes, but not these drugs....not YET anyway. He wants me to have full blood work done and has told me to stop taking zinc - which I have only took for a few day as a little experiment. He doesn't like zink as high levels of zinc can cause damage to the top of the spinal column. So basically stop the zinc and take these wonderful prescription pain drugs that are totally safe and he even prescribes to children - jeez are these docs for real? I don't know if I should just go to another neuro and just get a diagnoses of me/fibro and CFS....at least I will be able to claim some money as we are in debt up to our eyeballs now....and at least I can just tell people I have this instead of trying to explain drug damage. I may even be able to get help at home which I desperately need right now. I can't carry on without help anymore. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
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