Terry4949: withdrawal help

[Terry4949]

48 minutes ago, Shep said:

 

Terry, please note I moved your post onto your intro thread. 

 

What you're describing in the morning may be morning cortisol:

 

Early-morning waking - managing the morning cortisol spike

 

While it generally happens several hours earlier than what you're describing, cortisol remains higher in the mornings, decreasing throughout the day and into the evening. Of course, with withdrawal, cortisol rushes can happen more unpredictably and more frequently. 

 

Also, if you're having breakfast around that time, your body may be hyper-reacting to the stress of digestion. 

 

It's good that this wave of symptoms only lasts for only an hour (although I know you're struggling with symptoms throughout the day and night). 

Thank you it seems to be worse at that time of the day so probably is high cortisol I get it again about 2 in afternoon but not as intense 

[RachelSusan]

@Terry4949 Yes, when I was in full withdrawal my bad time started about 3 p.m., every single day.

 

Terry, I know you connected with a lady that is trying to get you help. If you feel like sharing I am curious as to how you are feeling about it. Are you hopeful, or perhaps concerned it may not come to fruition? Are you making any notes about things you would like to address with your mental care worker? Anything you would care to share would be interesting.

[Terry4949]

20 minutes ago, RachelSusan said:

@Terry4949 Yes, when I was in full withdrawal my bad time started about 3 p.m., every single day.

 

Terry, I know you connected with a lady that is trying to get you help. If you feel like sharing I am curious as to how you are feeling about it. Are you hopeful, or perhaps concerned it may not come to fruition? Are you making any notes about things you would like to address with your mental care worker? Anything you would care to share would be interesting.

Hi Rachelsusan to be honest I am open to anything that she maybe able to help me with the lady sent me some folders on my email account that told me all about depression and anxiety but to be honest there wasn’t anything in there that I didn’t know but I still read it 

I am hopeful in some sense but on the other hand I’m not sure that it will help with the more physical symptoms at times I find it hard to know which is the worst of the two the depression or the days where the physical symptoms and sensations just are overwhelming 

I have started to make a list of various things plus I have started to note my sleep patterns the lady sent me a form which asks questions about what I do during the evening and my sleep hygiene and routine and from what I am seeing is that I am doing everything right 

I am hoping that they will be able to help me see my thought patterns and give me support in trying to change the way I think about things as I find it hard to take things in or understand processes 

The other thing that I have slight doubts with is this lady will be trained in helping people with depression and anxiety but I wonder how she helps people who are going through withdrawal as like for instance my anxiety is more a chemical induced one rather than normal anxiety my depression is a chemical induced one rather than normal depression but I am open for anything or help I have nothing to loose 

How will the psychologist feel towards me as if I tell her I have been off all meds for 6 years and I have never recovered that living with a body full of cortisol burning skin the over all feeling of being toxic plus all the other symptoms have resulted from withdrawal will she believe me or do I say nothing about those symptoms these are the things that have crossed my mind 

I am sure this lady has helped many people and if I give it a chance I may benefit too I hope so but I also am very apprehensive 

[Onmyway]

Hi Terry, 

 

I am really glad this person is helping you. It seems like the resources that she is sending you are useful. I think a part of your situation is definitely caused by withdrawal and the adaptation that your body has to undergo to get back to factory settings but a part of it is also secondary, due to the hopelessness that this situation created. You can definitely work on the latter and as you do that the withdrawal part will get better as well. This kind of suffering would bring anyone down so any help you can use to cope with that part will help relieve the stress from your body so it can focus on healing.

 

If this woman disbelieves you, you may want to send her this article by Altostrata that explains that withdrawal can take many years in some people, not just a couple of weeks or months. 

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33796265/

 

This video is also informative. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PSjYH044-2Q

 

You can also invite her to come to survivingantidepressants.org and read for herself various other experiences. 

 

I think you might be turning a corner soon with her help, 

OMW

 

 

 

[RachelSusan]

14 hours ago, Terry4949 said:

I may benefit too I hope so but I also am very apprehensive

Terry, I think I would feel exactly the same way but I would throw in a little bit of guarded optimism.

 

Terry, I looked at your signature and I don't see any medications listed.  If you are taking medications for any other medical conditions have considered having a list of those medications on hand so you can give it to anyone helping you? If you are taking anything a review of those meds would be a good idea as well. Some medications can cause sleep disturbance, anxiety and other unpleasant physical sensations.

 

14 hours ago, Terry4949 said:

but I wonder how she helps people who are going through withdrawal as like for instance my anxiety is more a chemical induced one rather than normal anxiety my depression is a chemical induced one rather than normal depression

This is a difficult one. I have often wondered if one brings on the other and then the two dance around together. Sometimes when I am not sleeping well I wonder if my lack of sleep is making anxious. If a person is only sleeping a few hours a night that has got to effect how they feel, or if a person is anxious is that what is making them not sleep?

 

Finding someone that has an open mine and who will look at all possibilities rather than focusing in on something before reviewing the big picture is very difficult to do.

 

If you feel comfortable keeping us posted as you go through the process of working with anyone in the mental health arena I would like to hear about it.

 

Warm wishes.

[Terry4949]

4 hours ago, RachelSusan said:

Terry, I think I would feel exactly the same way but I would throw in a little bit of guarded optimism.

 

Terry, I looked at your signature and I don't see any medications listed.  If you are taking medications for any other medical conditions have considered having a list of those medications on hand so you can give it to anyone helping you? If you are taking anything a review of those meds would be a good idea as well. Some medications can cause sleep disturbance, anxiety and other unpleasant physical sensations.

 

This is a difficult one. I have often wondered if one brings on the other and then the two dance around together. Sometimes when I am not sleeping well I wonder if my lack of sleep is making anxious. If a person is only sleeping a few hours a night that has got to effect how they feel, or if a person is anxious is that what is making them not sleep?

 

Finding someone that has an open mine and who will look at all possibilities rather than focusing in on something before reviewing the big picture is very difficult to do.

 

If you feel comfortable keeping us posted as you go through the process of working with anyone in the mental health arena I would like to hear about it.

 

Warm wishes.

Yes I understand what you are saying I think plays a huge part of how our day pans out wether it be anxiety or depression for instance the night before yesterday I slept ok ish and yesterday things were a struggle but did lift slightly in the afternoon but last night sleep was very poor woke so many times and very unsettled today has been awful deep depression and all day suicidal idealations so I think the role of sleep plays a huge part today I cannot motivate myself and my thoughts yesterday things were not as intense 

regarding medications I don’t take anything I am nearly 6 years clear off all meds I don’t even take painkillers and no supplements so there are no medications to cause any unwanted side effects

i am hoping the lady will be open minded and will listen to my concerns it would be so beneficial to me as I think not being believed will make things so much harder for us to get on my doctor doesn’t believe that it is withdrawal after all this time he just insists that I am depressed and this is what we have to battle 

[RachelSusan]

@Terry4949 From what you said about your first conversation with her she sounded very open minded.

 

Do you have someone you can talk to if you get desperate, while you wait for her? What about the samaratians? Could they possibly help while you wait for her to get back to you? You may not feel that you need someone while you wait, and please forgive me for suggesting it if you don't feel you need someone. 

 

 

[Terry4949]

8 hours ago, RachelSusan said:

@Terry4949 From what you said about your first conversation with her she sounded very open minded.

 

Do you have someone you can talk to if you get desperate, while you wait for her? What about the samaratians? Could they possibly help while you wait for her to get back to you? You may not feel that you need someone while you wait, and please forgive me for suggesting it if you don't feel you need someone. 

 

 

Thank you for your concern I do have my sister to talk to when things get desperate today has been another awful day soon be bed time so I can escape from it all for a few hours 

The lady sent me some forms to fill in which I’m going to do plus some stuff to read which I have read but it didn’t really tell me anything I didn’t know 

I Think this bout of depression is much more melancholic than the other bouts I have had I don’t want to do anything I have no appetite no desire to watch tv or do anything I am still managing to shower and drink water but the depression has such a heavy weight and the brain fog is really bad 

Before when I have had depression I have been able to function much better I could eat still had a appetite was able to take care of myself even though things were tough I could cope some how 

The weather has been awful today hasn’t stopped raining so I havnt been able to get out of the house even for a small walk 

Tomorrow I have to go to a funeral which I am dreading as my best friends dad passed away and I have known him since we were boys and I can’t not go I would never forgive myself as my mate has always been there for me but I’m dreading it with the way I feel but will have to push through 

The lady is phoning me on Thursday so just got to stick it out until then 

thank you for your support and reply’s I hope you are doing well 

[ChessieCat]

3 hours ago, Terry4949 said:

Tomorrow I have to go to a funeral which I am dreading as my best friends dad passed away and I have known him since we were boys and I can’t not go I would never forgive myself as my mate has always been there for me but I’m dreading it with the way I feel but will have to push through 

 

Funerals are hard to attend even when you are feeling at your best so what you are experiencing is completely normal.

 

If it was me, I would be doing a lot of self talk by using positive reminders, telling myself that I'm doing this to honour my friend's father, just being there will be a support for your friend even if you cannot actually do anything to support them (your presence will show your friend that you care), remember some good times and be thankful that you got to experience those and have those wonderful memories and you might be able to share a couple of the really special memories with your friend.

 

And I'd be reminding myself of the alternative which the result would be harder to live with whereas the funeral is only for a short amount of time:  how bad and guilty I would feel if I didn't attend.

[Terry4949]

Post moved from brokenwings-recovering

 

I have just read this thread from top to bottom and can I relate I have had anhendonia which compared to this inhuman suffering for me feels like a walk in the park but this emotional numbness to life and everything is truly unbearable 

 

I am in a wave of depression going on 5 weeks now probably the worst I have ever had but the feeling of such emotional void is something I truly have not found on this scale 

 

I can shower I can go for a walk I can make myself something to eat I can watch tv a film or a documentary watch a funny sitcom do most everyday things but I feel nothing no reward no laughter no pleasure no interest my brain struggles to hold anything in it’s like I’m just killing time until it’s time for bed to escape it all and the worst of it is I know I am capable of doing all these things but I have no desire to do them I can think it’s nice outside let’s go for a walk but then  I just do nothing the overwhelming feeling of no desire to do it 

 

I have to care for my 81 year old dad who has been my best friend and my rock all my life I know I love him dearly but when I go to care for him I feel nothing it’s just all a chore with no rewards feeling wise no matter what I do there is no feeling of satisfaction or pleasure

 

Taking a shower the smell of the soap getting in a nice fresh made bed the smell of clean sheets the sun on my face being around friends and family and fishing I was so passionate about it I would go all the while couldn’t wait to get up and get on the riverbank but now I have no desire no drive no feelings towards any of theses things and when I do try them it’s just a chore with no reward 

 

I try many self help tips to combat some of my symptoms Meditation breathing I watch videos on YouTube with self help I read a lot of books but I cannot take it in it feels like nothing I don’t seem to get any reward or a feeling of hope that I can change anything a inner flatness 

 

Yet I can feel sorrow a sadness from time to time which is the depression but if you can feel that sense of sadness why can’t you feel some sort of pleasure I am coming up to 6 years of from a c/t from many meds I have struggled over those years with many symptoms along the way but have had times where I have been able to function slightly better but this is a whole new symptom to me what has triggered it I do not know but I can truly relate to those that are going through this it is inhuman family and friends just believe that I am not trying and that is hard as no one would ever choose to live like this 

 

Edited November 17, 2022 by ChessieCat
added OP topic title before moving to intro topic

[ChessieCat]

Terry I have moved your post from Broken Wings' Intro because it is not a post which supports or encourages Broken Wings but is all about your own situation.

 

Instead of looking at what you cannot do, start looking at what you can do.

 

I've had times when I would only shower every 3rd day at times wearing the same nightie all those days.  All I could manage was to get some food for myself and clean my teeth (that was "drilled" into me - pun intended).  I've gone months without changing the sheets on my bed.  And times when I would get up and want to go to bed, spend the whole day waiting for bed time and then when it got to bed time I didn't want to go to bed.  I would run out of food and then have to force myself to go and buy groceries.

 

I didn't like it but I did learn to accept that was the best I could do at that time.

 

What I have written has reminded me of how far I've come.  It was tough, and I didn't enjoy it, but I got through it and I think it has made me a strong person.  Just like learning and using the non drug coping skills is now helping me other life and health issues.

 

1 hour ago, Terry4949 said:

I have to care for my 81 year old dad who has been my best friend and my rock all my life I know I love him dearly but when I go to care for him I feel nothing it’s just all a chore with no rewards feeling wise no matter what I do there is no feeling of satisfaction or pleasure

 

You might be pre-grieving / anticipatory grief because you know that he is not always going to be around.  That might be where your depression is coming from.

 

Even though you love somebody, having to care for them and knowing that they are going to die can be difficult to cope with.  For me, with a sick husband for many years, part of me wanted him to get it over with so I could get on with my life; not that I wanted to replace him or anything like that but it was very tough not being able to make plans to go anywhere because we never knew how he would feel on the day.  So of course there was some guilt mixed in as well.

[Rosetta]

Hi, Terry,

 

Anhedonia is terrifying until you get used to it.  I hated it every single time, but I did start to see it as a relief from the intense emotions.  I started to say to myself, “Ok, this is awful, in its own way, but how can I use this?  It’s temporary.  It will pass, and I will feel again. So, in the meantime, how can I “enjoy” the lack of the negative emotions that plague me so often?”  My mind would come back to how awful it was, but I knew I needed that break from mania, deep distress, and intense anger.  Your mind needs that break so that it can rest, too.  Remember, anhedonia is temporary.  It will fluctuate through the day, too.  So, you will notice things that you thought were closed off to you - a flower, a bird singing.  You may not find them as lovely as you did months ago, but what I did was try to remember how lovely the thing was, and I tried to focus on the fact that it would be again someday.  
 

Hang in there, Rosetta

[RachelSusan]

@Terry4949 Hi Terry, Any update on the services you were going to be provided with? I hope that it did indeed happen for you.

 

Warm wishes.

[Terry4949]

On 12/2/2022 at 7:02 PM, RachelSusan said:

@Terry4949 Hi Terry, Any update on the services you were going to be provided with? I hope that it did indeed happen for you.

 

Warm wishes.

Hi Rachelsusan I havnt been on here for a little while I still havnt had any help yet from the services I have to wait until January 20th before they can get me in 

I was going to do a up date sadly things havnt improved since I was last posted things are still awful I’m just surviving physical symptoms are the worst ever 

I have been online CBT but to be honest I’m struggling 

my sleep is very poor again cortisol mornings are so intense 

I try to be very positive and am trying to change my thought pattern by replacing negative with a positive one 

I did try a return to some work but sadly just broke down I cry most days now the horrible burning all over and feeling of hot flushing are unrelenting my hands feet and mouth burn constant with severe pins and needles I feel very week and faint upon standing so it was not safe to be at work 

I still try to get out for a walk but like everyone at the moment it’s weather permitting but also the general fatigue is overwhelming some days I struggle to move round the house 

I have purchased some jigsaws to keep me occupied when I can’t get out but my concentration isn’t to good 

I have also started to write my story from the day I first went on antidepressants to the current day I find it away of getting things of my chest it can be upsetting at times I hope that one day someone in my family will read it and truly understand what has happened to me as many don’t 

I’m hoping that in January there will be some support as I think things are only getting worse not better as time goes by and I fear how it will all end 

I hope you have had a good Christmas and I wish you a happy new year 

[RachelSusan]

@Terry4949 I am so sorry to hear that you are struggling.  I look forward to hearing about you getting help on January 20th. I hope that they can help you start to sort all these problems. I am pleased to hear that you are walking when the weather permits and puzzles are a good idea.

Edited January 2, 2023 by RachelSusan
typo

[Terry4949]

Do these early morning cortisol and adrenaline spikes ever stop I’m nearly at 6 years off all meds now and they are worse than ever and so intense I wake around 1-2 am every morning to a jolt of what I can only describe as someone has inject me with poison I feel so hot and toxic I then try to do deep breathing exercises but this doesn’t help 

I then seem to fall back in to some sort of semi sleep state and keep waking every 5 minutes with another awful surge and it just keeps repeating its self until I have to get up then I feel so shakey and wired and feel like I’m toxic this then lasts  most of the day it’s truly awful 

because this happens every day about the same time it means I’m only getting 2-3 hours sleep every night so my brain isn’t getting the sleep it needs to heal plus I understand your brain needs a certain amount of sleep to remove toxins from it and to repair and function properly 

my room is dark no electricals I practise proper bedtime hygiene go to bed at the same time I have cut out all stress at night I do relaxing things have a bath or shower read have a warm drink but this symptom has gone on for so long and seems to be getting worse I’m at my wits end to be honest 

How can one heal when this goes on day after day it’s like it’s a permanent fight or flight that you can’t turn off 

I have read and used so many of the self help tips on here but just finding no relief 

just feeling so disheartened 

[Terry4949]

59 minutes ago, MaggieSmalls said:

Hello everyone,

 

as I´m close to my 6 years mark off Paxil I´d like to check in and talk about my current situation.

Though I feel terrible at the moment it was never the same throughout these 6 years. There were very good weeks and days but unfortunately I never felt sober or healthy at all for almost 6 years now. 

 

What I can see very clear now is that symptoms change over weeks.

Last 3 month I suffered a lot with gastrointestinal problems which seemed to disappeared all of a sudden. I could not eat any wheat or fatty foods but for about 2 weeks I can eat everything again without any problems. 

 

Now my biggest problem is vertigo...I cannot remember in all those 6 years when vertigo was such a problem.

I feel like walking on a boat and I find it very hard to concentrate. Sometimes I even stumble or when walking it feels like missing a stair when there is none. 

Also the white noise, muscle spams / pain and dizziness is pretty heavy these days. My vision is also really weird these days...for example when I focus at our carpet and its patterns they seem to flicker and move from left to right a few inches. Like very little hallucinations.

 

As each year goes by I loose more and more the faith of getting my life back and I find myself searching for success stories 6, 7 or 8 years + .

When I look back to the first 3 years of Wd I now see what a mess I was and I cannot imagine what I would have done if someone told me that I will feel quite the same after 6 years.

I don´t want to say that there was no process at all and on some days I feel pretty good but it even on these days it´s not a feeling of being healed or how I felt before Paxil. The symptoms are just much more bearable....

 

I think the situation would be easier if more people could relate but on top of going trough this you are going trough it on your own and no one outside of this site can see what you are going trough for such a long time.

 

Best,

Maggie

 

 

 

 

 

Hi Maggie I have been following your posts and can relate to so much I’m 2 months short of being off all meds for 6 years and for me it’s been a long hard road I have not had any windows of such but in years 4-5 things eased slightly even though days were still filled with many symptoms and it was just nice to crawl in to bed just for a few hours of sleep before the toxic day would start again 

I have often search for recovery stories like you 6-7-8 years out and havnt found many to be honest maybe because most people recover before that time frame and so that’s why there are not many but I have seen people 10-12 years out who havnt recovered which worries me and I believe that we don’t all heal but that’s my opinion so many times I have been told that everyone heals but that is not the case I believe some people can thus those reporting success stories and there are those that will still be able to live a semi normal life but will still have ongoing symptoms again this is my personal opinion 

the first 3 years for me were horrific to be honest I don’t know how I survived probably the thought of seeing those who had struggled but reported healing at year 3-4 so it gave me the hope to cling to but like you I never thought that I would feel the same at 6 years 

its funny how withdrawal affects people different the only complaint I havnt had is gastrointestinal ones my stomach has always been good I eat a good diet and avoid all sugar that’s a big no no I don’t drink alcohol none for over 25 years and I have never smoked a cigarette in my life 

I have had the hallucinations like sensations just recently I can look at something and then move my head and the thing moves with it in my vision a very bizarre new symptom for me 

like you some of the worst horrendous symptoms eased in year 3 but my main symptoms that remain are crippling bouts of depression the worst apathetic feeling of complete emptiness that I really struggle with and the horrid early morning cortisol adrenaline spikes I sleep only for 3 hours a night before being hit with this toxic overload 

I hope that in time things become more stable for you and i can understand how you are feeling truly I do 6 years is a long time to suffer I sometimes feel so envious of those that I see that at 3 years say they are fully healed but I wish them the best as no withdrawal is easy and many of them suffered horrendously 

[Altostrata]

@Terry4949 your symptom pattern seems beyond withdrawal syndrome. Are you able to see a neurologist?

[Terry4949]

3 hours ago, Altostrata said:

@Terry4949 your symptom pattern seems beyond withdrawal syndrome. Are you able to see a neurologist?

Thank you for your response Alto first can I apologise for not posting in my own thread I would hate to be banned from this site as it is my life line and I have made so many friends on here probaly the only people I can talk to 

I have seen a neurologist who said it was neuropathic damage and suggested amityrpteline or gabapetine and as you know they would not be of any help 

I have a appointment with haematology in the next few months as I have had high ferritin for a long time 

I’m sorry if I have tried your patience you and this support group have truly been a life saver for me 

 

[Gem92]

It makes me sad you are still suffering after all these years, Terry. I am at 4 and a half years and still not healing either. I have yet to get off the last bit of Mirtazapine and so I am not sure if that is preventing me from healing or not. I have no idea how I am going to get off the last 5.25mg. It may take another 4 years at this point or even more. It has caused so much damage beyond words and I know this is one of the drugs that harmed you as well. We talked briefly on Facebook before (a while back) so I wanted to check up on you and see how things were going. 
I believe I would have healed from my Lexapro/Ativan withdrawals because I had full windows. When I was kindled and put on Zyprexa and Mirtazapine, I never experienced one of those windows again. And like you, I have severe dp/dr now. It either came from one or both of those last 2 drugs I was thrown on. Not sure if I will ever be able to laugh again, love again, smile again and connect to the world around me. It seems as each year passes, I get worse instead of better. My memory continues to get worse as well as my cog function. I have MCS, burning brain, rage, personality changes, akathisia, severe light sensitivities, massive weight gain, water retention, no concept of time, brain cannot retain info and the list goes on and on. I am not even a fraction of who I used to be. It's like I died already and now some demon is living inside this body that once belonged to a unique individual. 

Do you have any good days at all? Can you drive or go shopping? How about watching TV? 

I'll check back again. Maybe in a year and see how things are going. If anyone deserves healing, it's those who have been suffering years like this. I'm sending my thoughts and prayers, Terry. 

[Terry4949]

7 hours ago, Gem92 said:

It makes me sad you are still suffering after all these years, Terry. I am at 4 and a half years and still not healing either. I have yet to get off the last bit of Mirtazapine and so I am not sure if that is preventing me from healing or not. I have no idea how I am going to get off the last 5.25mg. It may take another 4 years at this point or even more. It has caused so much damage beyond words and I know this is one of the drugs that harmed you as well. We talked briefly on Facebook before (a while back) so I wanted to check up on you and see how things were going. 
I believe I would have healed from my Lexapro/Ativan withdrawals because I had full windows. When I was kindled and put on Zyprexa and Mirtazapine, I never experienced one of those windows again. And like you, I have severe dp/dr now. It either came from one or both of those last 2 drugs I was thrown on. Not sure if I will ever be able to laugh again, love again, smile again and connect to the world around me. It seems as each year passes, I get worse instead of better. My memory continues to get worse as well as my cog function. I have MCS, burning brain, rage, personality changes, akathisia, severe light sensitivities, massive weight gain, water retention, no concept of time, brain cannot retain info and the list goes on and on. I am not even a fraction of who I used to be. It's like I died already and now some demon is living inside this body that once belonged to a unique individual. 

Do you have any good days at all? Can you drive or go shopping? How about watching TV? 

I'll check back again. Maybe in a year and see how things are going. If anyone deserves healing, it's those who have been suffering years like this. I'm sending my thoughts and prayers, Terry. 

Hi Gem92 yes like you I think I would have healed a lot quicker if not for the mirtazapine I had a instant reaction from the very first tablet it seemed to fry my brain I am truly sorry you are suffering after so long but know this you are not alone and myself and I’m sure many others on this site wish you healing 

Time is the only healer I believe for us you seem to be doing everything right so just keep taking one day at a time I know how hard things are and it might seem that getting of the mirtazapine will take for ever but you will get there I was c/t from 30 mg and probably the reason my suffering has been so long plus all the meds before that 

stay strong and I wish you the best and sending a big hug 

[1WishToHeal]

On 1/8/2023 at 4:38 AM, Altostrata said:

@Terry4949 your symptom pattern seems beyond withdrawal syndrome. Are you able to see a neurologist?

Are you kidding???

 

what a joke.

 

yes a neurologist is never a bad thing to do, to rule things out. But ignoring the long term damage these drugs do because of the neurotoxic nature is downright ridiculous. 
 

it’s the same like the gaslighting of all these so called ‘medical professionals’ and offending.

 

[Altostrata]

Terry's current symptom pattern is not that of protracted withdrawal syndrome. This is not gaslighting. Not everything is withdrawal.

[Terry4949]

On 1/9/2023 at 4:59 PM, 1WishToHeal said:

Are you kidding???

 

what a joke.

 

yes a neurologist is never a bad thing to do, to rule things out. But ignoring the long term damage these drugs do because of the neurotoxic nature is downright ridiculous. 
 

it’s the same like the gaslighting of all these so called ‘medical professionals’ and offending.

 

I believe what alto has said to be true some of my symptoms are now probably not to do with withdrawal but I believe some still are I think you can get caught up in the many symptoms and put it all down to withdrawal if you look at my history I was on many meds over a period of time most were stopped abruptly I had no tapers 

maybe I need to look at some of the physical symptoms and approach them differently maybe me just waiting it out as down to withdrawal is the wrong thing to do a neurologist maybe able to tell me what is going on and if it is from a underlying problem 

I know before I went on antidepressants I didn’t have depression but I do now I accept it is probably down to the multiple c/t thus the importance of tapering 

I have had blood tests done these keep showing up high iron in my blood maybe this is contributing to my health problems thus that may not be down to withdrawal 

[1WishToHeal]

Hey Terry, 

 

i would suggest to do a QEEG scan. I’ve spoken to several people with abnormal QEEG scans after SSRI use and acknowledged by their specialists.
 

They check the activity of the brain regions and can see if it’s working abnormal or not.

 

if so, at least you have something legit to show your doctor, family or upcoming specialists.

 

https://www.lanc.org.uk/neurofeedback/qeeg-assessment/

 

best wishes

[1WishToHeal]

On 1/8/2023 at 8:31 AM, Terry4949 said:

Thank you for your response Alto first can I apologise for not posting in my own thread I would hate to be banned from this site as it is my life line and I have made so many friends on here probaly the only people I can talk to 

I have seen a neurologist who said it was neuropathic damage and suggested amityrpteline or gabapetine and as you know they would not be of any help 

I have a appointment with haematology in the next few months as I have had high ferritin for a long time 

I’m sorry if I have tried your patience you and this support group have truly been a life saver for me 

 

Oh i forgot to mention. If the neurologist says it’s nerve damage take this or that. Let him show it’s nerve damage then.

 

ask for a skin biopsy to check for small fiber neuropathy. I have all small fiber neuropathy symptoms but still the biopsy was negative. It’s the only way to check nerve damage of the small fibers. 
 

small fiber neuropathy causes burning hands and feets severe. And in some people full body burning. A lot of people on the antibiotic pages have positive outcome for SFN. Because there nerves are damaged by the antibiotic. But they work differently. I have never seen actual nerve damage from an SSRI. Even if it feels like it in my case.

 

neurologists mostly provide an EMG test. This don’t make sense. It only checks the large fibers and those don’t create full body burning or hands and feets, those symptoms are mostly created by SFN. Most neurologists are hesitent tho to do the skin biopsy. Why? I don’t know, but it’s the only way to check it out.

 

i did, negative - so for me no nerve injury drugs while there is no injury there.

 

it has to do with disrupted signals in the brain imo. But it’s very difficult to show up with the normal tests. 
Only possible as i said with QEEG.

 

do with the info what you want  just wanted to let you know. Don’t let yourself talked into more drugs without proper testing. Stubborn docs.

[Terry4949]

1 hour ago, 1WishToHeal said:

Oh i forgot to mention. If the neurologist says it’s nerve damage take this or that. Let him show it’s nerve damage then.

 

ask for a skin biopsy to check for small fiber neuropathy. I have all small fiber neuropathy symptoms but still the biopsy was negative. It’s the only way to check nerve damage of the small fibers. 
 

small fiber neuropathy causes burning hands and feets severe. And in some people full body burning. A lot of people on the antibiotic pages have positive outcome for SFN. Because there nerves are damaged by the antibiotic. But they work differently. I have never seen actual nerve damage from an SSRI. Even if it feels like it in my case.

 

neurologists mostly provide an EMG test. This don’t make sense. It only checks the large fibers and those don’t create full body burning or hands and feets, those symptoms are mostly created by SFN. Most neurologists are hesitent tho to do the skin biopsy. Why? I don’t know, but it’s the only way to check it out.

 

i did, negative - so for me no nerve injury drugs while there is no injury there.

 

it has to do with disrupted signals in the brain imo. But it’s very difficult to show up with the normal tests. 
Only possible as i said with QEEG.

 

do with the info what you want  just wanted to let you know. Don’t let yourself talked into more drugs without proper testing. Stubborn docs.

Thank you for your reply I have a appointment soon so I will suggest this but I’m not to hopeful with my doctor but it doesn’t hurt to ask 

[Terry4949]

I haven’t been on here since January but my deep depression seemed to have lifted and the complete feeling of emptiness seem to have eased I had 4 weeks of waking without the dread the overwhelming feeling of crying seem to have stopped and my appetite return I actually managed to do some things around the house and managed to socialise a little it was a relief just not to be in that utter despair 24/7 

4 days ago I woke feeling very tired and seem to have gone back to the same hellish symptoms the overwhelming feeling of emptiness thoughts of suicide chronic fatigue and sadness loss of appetite so very irritable and some days such extreme anger within which is so unlike me 

I literally went to bed and woke a different person no triggers in fact the day before I had actually been smiling and cracking a few jokes 

is this yet another wave and why do I seem to get hit so hard at over 6 years off all meds 

The physical symptoms I can live with it’s just the mental ones that are so hard it makes you want to give up 

[Onmyway]

@Terry4949

I'm sorry you're back in a wave but what wonderful news that you had a beautiful window.  It means your nervous system is healing.  We don't know how long this is going to go on but this is your 'proof' that things are on the way up. 

 

I'm so so happy for you.  Now hold on for the ride! There's another one around the corner!

 

OMW

[Rosetta]

Hi, Terry,

 

Oh, it so very, very hard to have a good period and then go into a depression or a period of fearfulness or anhedonia.  It’s just crushing, and yet, it is a good thing that you have the memories of that window!  They fade, and so having written about it was the right thing.  
 

I’m so glad you have made it this point, Terry.  You are going to heal!

 

All my best,

🧚‍♀️Rosetta

[Terry4949]

I havnt posted on here since April I’m now 6 and a 1/2 years off all meds and still in a very bad place mainly with soul crushing depression and the over whelming feeling of hopelessness I find no enjoyment in anything I was able to return back to work for a while but now I’m back at home as my mood affects my work 

I spiral daily from depressed emptiness to horrible suicidal idealations I have still physical symptoms mainly burning neuropathy and I am unable to control my body temperature I get very hot and sweat a lot during the day also a constant daily headache doesn’t help 

My sleep is still not good I get about 3-4 hours a night but I still wake with the awful cortisol spikes and hot sweats at 3 to 4am 

I have avoided any alcohol for over 25 years I have never smoked and I eat healthy 

my bedtime routine is very good black room etc I go to bed at the same time every night 

I have had counselling and joined a depression group but most of the time I found it hard to concentrate mainly due to the fact I felt so unattached and depressed plus one of the councillors keeps telling me I have a chemical imbalance some of the group also don’t believe that after all this time from discontinuing antidepressants that it is withdrawal harm for which it is a hard thing for me to tolerate 

I recently purchased a dog who I take for a walk daily just so I make sure I go out for a walk but again I feel no pleasure or enjoyment from this but I tell myself it’s doing me good 

my appetite is again very poor and I have to force myself to eat but I do eat small healthy meals and only drink water 

I have mentioned in many posts before I believe I can handle the physical symptoms from the harm of the drugs it’s the depression that is so hard to live with daily 

I still have hope that recovery can come but my mind tells me that I havnt seen many people at 7 years recover but I suppose that’s my depression looking on the worst case 

I recently had to go to my doctor as I had some chest pains and he said that he hadn’t seen me for 12 months and the only way I would be better from the depression is by taking a antidepressant as  he says the longer I leave this the more damage it will do to my brain as in grey matter he also believes that the depression will only get worse not that it can as time goes by so that worries me 

I am still unable to take supplements even fish oil and magnesium cause me to sweat and burning skin I tried some zinc and quercetin a while back to try and see if it would help my physical symptoms as I believe I do react to histamine and the zinc was to help to relieve the depression as I had seen a article saying that most people who suffer with depression have low zinc but my B12 and vit D are fine 

im just hoping for some messages of encouragement as I am loosing hope I have seen many people on here old names over the years heal and move on I have read the success stories I even know people who are not on this site who have had a torrid time go on to heal but most of them were in the 3 year category 

Shushing everyone a speedy recovery and please for those that read this many people heal after months or a year not everyone suffers as long as me 

 

[Altostrata]

5 hours ago, Terry4949 said:

I would be better from the depression is by taking a antidepressant as  he says the longer I leave this the more damage it will do to my brain as in grey matter

 

There is no evidence that this is true.

[Rosetta]

Absolutely no evidence whatsoever that “failing to treat” depression causes damage to grey matter! An outright lie this doctor has been told, and he is recklessly repeating it!  Please do not believe him.  Your poor mental state is proof that you were damaged by those drugs, the changes in dosage and type, and that the use of more of them is not safe for you.

 

I am so very sorry that you feel depressed.  At the same time, I’m so impressed with you that you have a dog that you walk, that you eat well, and that you avoid alcohol.  You are doing everything right.  

 

I still have moments of deep sadness that last over days, and I have horrible anger fits if my blood sugar gets too low.  I still develop obsessions that come and go, and I have periods of anxiety when I cannot think well.  Sorting, organizing, planning — all those higher functions are compromised during times of random anxiety or times of stress.

 

The wreckage of my life after this fiasco would be enough to make me depressed if I did not have people in my life who need me.  Now, your dog needs you.  That’s a good thing.  Focus on him or her as much as you can.  Having to quit your job because it was too much must be very demoralizing.  I cannot work because although I can do a lot more now, I would not be able to sustain that degree of effort without the stress causing me to develop stronger symptoms of nervous system dysfunction.  
 

As frustrating as it must be, you are not abnormal considering what you have been through.  You are clearly healing.  I can see it in the way you write and in what you write.  A dog?!  That’s amazing!  It’s an achingly slow process, I know, but you are healing.  Do not let that ignorant doctor interrupt your progress!  We are here for you, Terry.  Keep on taking such good care of yourself!

 

🧚🏻‍♀️Rosetta

[checco]

I also heard that depression not treated with psychotropic drugs can cause brain damage, reading in these comments that there is no evidence is very reassuring. Then I think about how much these doctors understand the damage these drugs create. I hope that things get better and that you have some peace.

[Altostrata]

17 hours ago, checco said:

I also heard that depression not treated with psychotropic drugs can cause brain damage

 

This is what some doctors will tell you to get you to take the drugs.

[Terry4949]

22 hours ago, checco said:

I also heard that depression not treated with psychotropic drugs can cause brain damage, reading in these comments that there is no evidence is very reassuring. Then I think about how much these doctors understand the damage these drugs create. I hope that things get better and that you have some peace.

 

On 9/8/2023 at 6:09 AM, Rosetta said:

Absolutely no evidence whatsoever that “failing to treat” depression causes damage to grey matter! An outright lie this doctor has been told, and he is recklessly repeating it!  Please do not believe him.  Your poor mental state is proof that you were damaged by those drugs, the changes in dosage and type, and that the use of more of them is not safe for you.

 

I am so very sorry that you feel depressed.  At the same time, I’m so impressed with you that you have a dog that you walk, that you eat well, and that you avoid alcohol.  You are doing everything right.  

 

I still have moments of deep sadness that last over days, and I have horrible anger fits if my blood sugar gets too low.  I still develop obsessions that come and go, and I have periods of anxiety when I cannot think well.  Sorting, organizing, planning — all those higher functions are compromised during times of random anxiety or times of stress.

 

The wreckage of my life after this fiasco would be enough to make me depressed if I did not have people in my life who need me.  Now, your dog needs you.  That’s a good thing.  Focus on him or her as much as you can.  Having to quit your job because it was too much must be very demoralizing.  I cannot work because although I can do a lot more now, I would not be able to sustain that degree of effort without the stress causing me to develop stronger symptoms of nervous system dysfunction.  
 

As frustrating as it must be, you are not abnormal considering what you have been through.  You are clearly healing.  I can see it in the way you write and in what you write.  A dog?!  That’s amazing!  It’s an achingly slow process, I know, but you are healing.  Do not let that ignorant doctor interrupt your progress!  We are here for you, Terry.  Keep on taking such good care of yourself!

 

🧚🏻‍♀️Rosetta

Thanks for your words of encouragement Rosetta it’s just a awful long suffering road I have noticed that my symptoms are so much more worse when the early morning cortisol and adrenaline spikes start I have started to wake at 3 am again to massive jolts in my chest that leave me feeling very shakey and super hot these  feeling last most of the day and make all my symptoms 10x worse 

I have had them before and usually they go over a period of about 6 weeks I believe they are what trigger my truly bad waves I am unable to find what triggers them they just come out the blue and make me feel so unwell 

some days in the evening I do feel slightly better then wake to feel horrendous

i hope you are well and seeing much better days 

I called my puppy dog Beans she is a cockpoo full of energy