j1290: gets off the Wellbutrin and on with life!

[littlebird]

1 hour ago, j1290 said:

EDIT- I had a funny thought that's better left unsaid 😋 

 

I'm so curious! Also have had enough moments of, "You were right, that was best as an inside thought," not to push too hard to hear the funny. Gotta trust a person's self-edit sometimes!

 

1 hour ago, j1290 said:

2 hours ago, FireflyFyte said:

I always appreciate your ability to find humor even in less than ideal circumstances. 

It's deliberate, for a lot of reasons.  Makes for better reading, and keeps me out of fear.  This really is just a manageable problem.  If I frame it as a big spooky deal then I get nervous and freeze up.  

 

Humor as a coping skill! Love it. One of my favorites! 

 

8 hours ago, j1290 said:

Or maybe I'll keep posting like a band past its heyday that makes albums so they're not just an oldies act.   Who knows.

 

Part of me hopes you'll be out living life so hard you won't have time, and also I hope you have a "comeback tour" every now and again and let us know how you're getting on. 

 

8 hours ago, j1290 said:

When I fly across the country for my all day job interview, would I prefer chemical hangover, or hypomanic?  Well, at least I have options.  😆

 

Ooh, this interview is a big flipping deal dude!! If you're up for letting us know when it is, I'll send you all the happy thoughts and good vibes that day. Glad you're far enough along in your med journey that you can map the future like this!

 

8 hours ago, j1290 said:

I think I can keep from spilling my spaghetti till after the business day.  It doesn't set in till the evening.

 

Okay, love the term spilling my spaghetti! You always add such levity to this tough process. Maybe you can have some nice treats and soothing things planned for the evening after? Room service some chocolate cake for sure! 

[j1290]

16 minutes ago, littlebird said:

not to push too hard to hear the funny

Gosh, It's such a pleasure to read your writing.  That's so true!  

I try not to write anything in public I wouldn't want read in open court.   Don't talk to the police is my rule to live by.  You never know who is going to read something.  

22 minutes ago, littlebird said:

Humor as a coping skill! Love it. One of my favorites! 

You're brilliant at it in a sophisticated and inoffensive way that I'm not sure can be taught.  No pressure but I marvel at it every time I read your writing.  With that kind of charm I could command a room and go around disarming tense situations.  That's a verbal lightsaber you have, Littlebird!   Such a gift.  

 

28 minutes ago, littlebird said:

"comeback tour" every now and again and let us know how you're getting on. 

haha love it!  I'm not going anywhere anytime soon, but I'm with you, I always appreciate it when people drop in now and again just to let us know how their success story is going.  

 

30 minutes ago, littlebird said:

Ooh, this interview is a big flipping deal dude!! If you're up for letting us know when it is, I'll send you all the happy thoughts and good vibes that day.

I made that sound better than it is.  I'm paying for this trip, nobody sent me a Learjet or anything.   It's a big deal for me, though, to ride on a plane.  They're scary!   

I could use all the happy thoughts I could get, will be sure to let you know!  

41 minutes ago, littlebird said:

You always add such levity to this tough process.

Thanks chief, I try to fit in where I get in and keep it on topic but that limits the fun.  I gotta make up for it where I can. 

48 minutes ago, littlebird said:

Room service some chocolate cake for sure! 

What an indulgence!  Boom chakalaka I'm getting some 🎂after the interview now.  Great idea!

[littlebird]

20 minutes ago, j1290 said:

1 hour ago, littlebird said:

You always add such levity to this tough process.

Thanks chief, I try to fit in where I get in and keep it on topic but that limits the fun.  I gotta make up for it where I can. 

 

Very true!! I gotta say some of the best laughs ever have been in support groups around dark topics, love it when someone brings gallows humor to the table. It was always fun when someone broke the facilitator into laughter too and we all had a good laugh about something that wasn't that funny before we were in a room of folks that also got it. When you're going through hell, keep going, and also find the fun where you can! 

 

22 minutes ago, j1290 said:

I'm paying for this trip, nobody sent me a Learjet or anything.   It's a big deal for me, though, to ride on a plane.

 

Still a big deal! Never had an interview I had to travel for, feels like a cool thing! Would you have to move if you got it? Planes are a lot, I feel you. Always get nervous before a flight!

 

23 minutes ago, j1290 said:

You're brilliant at it in a sophisticated and inoffensive way that I'm not sure can be taught.  No pressure but I marvel at it every time I read your writing.  With that kind of charm I could command a room and go around disarming tense situations.  That's a verbal lightsaber you have, Littlebird!   Such a gift.  

 

Thank you!! While I love my job, I do miss commanding a room sometimes. Ah, that was fun! I always got big stage fright, then once it was go time I was on. Maybe life will bring be back around to that some day, but for now being behind the scenes of something is cool. Especially with med changes! Really glad I don't have a mic in my hand these days.

 

Any verbal gifts I may have are yours on interview day! I'll psychically send 'em along with the good vibes. Weirdly, for an anxious person, I always interviewed really well. Something would just come over me and I'd know just what to say. Sending whatever that was your way!

[j1290]

5 minutes ago, littlebird said:

I gotta say some of the best laughs ever have been in support groups around dark topics

Oooooh, you bring up a great point!   I've been in support groups.  I think they're much more fun than outsiders expect them to be.  We're not a glum lot.  I say this all the time, but I'm glad you brought that topic up.  I need to go to those more, if only for the fun.  And stagetime 😅

 

8 minutes ago, littlebird said:

Still a big deal! Never had an interview I had to travel for, feels like a cool thing! Would you have to move if you got it? Planes are a lot, I feel you. Always get nervous before a flight!

Oh yeah, I feel important interviewing on the other side of the country.   What's funny is they treat me like a bigshot, so it's just liars poker all the way around 😂  Whoever said we're all just actors on a stage had a point.   They pump you full of hot air so you'll accept less compensation.  I didn't even know till recently that having a nice chair and desk was all part of the con, I mean management technique LOL   Yes, I'd have to move to a small quiet town with affordable rent for a while.  Don't cry for me Argentina, I think I can handle this sacrifice.  It's a whole thing though, it's hard to get in first round, but maybe next year.  I'm viewing it as a fun adventure and exploring if it's a good fit for me rather than I must get this job or else.   

 

23 minutes ago, littlebird said:

but for now being behind the scenes of something is cool. Especially with med changes! Really glad I don't have a mic in my hand these days

I bet you can work a room like no other!  I hear you about the med changes.  I might potentially have a business opportunity that would be more visible but is now the right time?   One of the benefits of 3rd shift is low exposure, and while my head is doing flips that's a good spot to be in.  

27 minutes ago, littlebird said:

Any verbal gifts I may have are yours on interview day! I'll psychically send 'em along with the good vibes.

That's an awesome deal, I promise to return them in as good a shape as I got them! 

The cool thing is that person who knows what to say in an interview is you.  I think the less background noise you have the more you can bring that person to light every day.   I know that's how it's working for me with the trauma stuff.   With less of that energy and interference life is so much easier.    

[littlebird]

50 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Yes, I'd have to move to a small quiet town with affordable rent for a while.

 

Affordable rent? I've heard of such a thing, I'm starting to think it's a myth. So it's really out there somewhere?

 

52 minutes ago, j1290 said:

One of the benefits of 3rd shift is low exposure, and while my head is doing flips that's a good spot to be in.  

 

That sounds nice and peaceful. There's no quiet like the first hours of the day! I'm beyond grateful to be working from home through all this. If I had to pull myself together and look presentable, then commute somewhere, and make small chat while making tea and whatnot, I think I'd be (even more) exhausted. I literally could not at this point.

 

It's so nice to be a little goblin at home! If a bit lonely sometimes, but the benefits are worth it.

 

56 minutes ago, j1290 said:

I've been in support groups.  I think they're much more fun than outsiders expect them to be.  We're not a glum lot.  I say this all the time, but I'm glad you brought that topic up.  I need to go to those more, if only for the fun.  And stagetime 😅

 

You know what, I think I might have to get back into it. Not sure where I'd start, but I would like to find one! Wonder if there's one on this topic? 

 

2 hours ago, j1290 said:

I try not to write anything in public I wouldn't want read in open court.   Don't talk to the police is my rule to live by.  You never know who is going to read something.  

 

So beyond true (and FTP). That worry of who might read this held me back from participating in here for awhile, then I guess I started thinking that was maybe shame around mental health and meds talking. Eventually it felt like I could own my story, so I guess if I have to read this out loud in court one day I'm cool with it. Though I will have to break and say, "That was a joke, your honor" occasionally. 

 

I do trip out sometimes about being too knowable on here, but also... **** it! Fear has held me back from meaningful human connection for too much of my life, we're entering the "I don't give a ****" era. 😎

[j1290]

DAY 3  light symptoms, hypomania, 3/10 overall

I'm not in charge of assigning WD side effects, but hypomania is one of the ones that rubs me the wrong way.  I was just going to consider doing EMDR on it at therapy tomorrow and groaned in anticipation of where it will take me.  All paths lead to Rome.   It really is a different perspective than when I thought 'that's just me' in regards to my outsize reactions to certain triggers.   

 

If I have over a 2/10 emotional response to almost anything outside of an emergency or one of the Big Life Stressors, it goes back to Rome as I mentioned above.   Good to be on the Appian Way (Rome, get it?  heh)  to defusing this stuff.   Never had a clue how much trauma had a hand in keeping me jumpy and nervous.   

 

The amazing wordsmith @littlebird mentioning the lack of having a can of soup heated up for her on a sick day really hit home.  Pshew.  If I'd read that a year ago, never mind being in WD, I'd be completely shattered.  I am certain the people in my past did their best with very limited resources of all types.  Still, the idea of someone heating up a can of soup for me even today is extremely moving.  What a funny world.   

 

The sun must have gotten in my eye because its watering a bit.  Thanks, Littlebird.  I'm feeling emotionally reset.  

 

However, I am *not* feeling super excited to do third shift work tonight.  The hypomania is wearing off quick and I'll be back in my bear 🐻 cave in a few days like clockwork.  Good thing I'll manage like always. 

 

Gutted by a can of soup.  Talk about out of the blue.  I know what the topic for therapy will be tomorrow.  That one is a straight flush.   

[littlebird]

1 hour ago, j1290 said:

Still, the idea of someone heating up a can of soup for me even today is extremely moving.  What a funny world.   

 

The sun must have gotten in my eye because its watering a bit.  Thanks, Littlebird.  I'm feeling emotionally reset.

 

I almost filed that one away in the ole journal, but something made me think it might be relatable to someone. Seems like a lot of us needed more care than we got when we were small! I'm glad you didn't read that in the shattering days, whew. Thank you for sharing that, after posting it I had a reflexive, "Was that too much processing in 'public?'"

 

Wish the world was a little smaller, or humanity's sense of community was stronger, and one of us could heat you up some soup when you need it!

 

I think we'd all be on less meds and have less trauma in a few generations time if we banded together more and helped with each other and each others' families. It takes a village to raise a child they say, lets get those villages going again!

 

1 hour ago, j1290 said:

Gutted by a can of soup.  Talk about out of the blue.  I know what the topic for therapy will be tomorrow.  That one is a straight flush.   

 

Hope it's a good session! Also, I'm here if you want to talk about what came up for you. Sounds like we share some common ground!

 

1 hour ago, j1290 said:

However, I am *not* feeling super excited to do third shift work tonight.  The hypomania is wearing off quick and I'll be back in my bear 🐻 cave in a few days like clockwork.  Good thing I'll manage like always.

 

Oof, I don't know how you do it!! Seriously impressive you're able to stay up all night, night on night. Also, just because you can manage doesn't mean you always have to. Maybe one night you can say eff it and stay in a cozy cave instead! 

[j1290]

1 hour ago, littlebird said:

I'm glad you didn't read that in the shattering days, whew. Thank you for sharing that, after posting it I had a reflexive, "Was that too much processing in 'public?'"

 

No worries dude I'm just chilling at work enjoying even the filler tracks on the latest Morrissey vanity project and eating a previously frozen bagel with relish that it doesn't deserve due to whatever is going on in my noggin' right now.   Feels like I just smoked a bowl in college and I'm eating pizza listening to a new LP.  I won't let the fact that never happened get in the way of a good story  It should have happened, so that's how I'll remember it.  

 

1 hour ago, littlebird said:

"Was that too much processing in 'public?'"

You use your superpowers for good, Senpai.   I'm not worried about you.  

 

1 hour ago, littlebird said:

Also, I'm here if you want to talk about what came up for you.

Thank you so much.  You gave me a perfect shortcut to access a place to do some EMDR work.  That's extremely useful.  ******* soup.  That can of soup was certainly hiding in a blindspot. 

 

1 hour ago, littlebird said:

Seriously impressive you're able to stay up all night, night on night. Also, just because you can manage doesn't mean you always have to. Maybe one night you can say eff it and stay in a cozy cave instead! 

I love the idea of Cozy Cave!   I'm known for turning whatever windowless cell they give me into my comfy zone.   Anything worth doing is worth overdoing, I always say.  This office is a themed on Elvis's Jungle Room.  It's a safari getting to my desk.  Disorients noobs.  Good times.   Sometimes trauma can be expressed in fun ways.  While I'm around there's still room for gaity in the office.   I used to think it was enough to sit on an applecrate and type on a speak n spell keyboard at work.  There's no fun in that!

 

Been at this seasonal gig for the better part of 2 decades, with most of the same people.  It's such a trip handling situations without the internal drama. This stuff is so much easier than I ever had any clue.  Just had a potentially weird conversation and handled it without drama because it didn't need any.  Life's so much easier with less trauma.   Who knew?!?

 

I've had more fun at work jamming to Morrissey B-sides and talking crazy than I have any right to.  Back to Moz and the daily grind.  Appreciate you, Littlebird!  Always a pleasure.  

 

[littlebird]

20 minutes ago, j1290 said:

I won't let the fact that never happened get in the way of a good story  It should have happened, so that's how I'll remember it. 

 

I mean, never too late to make that happen! Other than the college piece maybe, forget dorm life, but pizza and flower and music? Sounds like a damn good time.

 

21 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Thank you so much.  You gave me a perfect shortcut to access a place to do some EMDR work.  That's extremely useful.  ******* soup.  That can of soup was certainly hiding in a blindspot. 

 

Got that soup in your crosshairs now! Hope some good healing comes of it. 

 

22 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Anything worth doing is worth overdoing, I always say.  This office is a themed on Elvis's Jungle Room.  It's a safari getting to my desk.  Disorients noobs.  Good times.

 

Okay, had to google the jungle room and now I'm extra intrigued by this safari at work idea! I also like the idea of it being so intense that it's an actual quest for newbies to come find your desk.

 

24 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Just had a potentially weird conversation and handled it without drama because it didn't need any.  Life's so much easier with less trauma. 

 

Yaaay, good news!! Sounds like you're crushing it, man. Life really is much better with less trauma, glad we're figuring out a new way to live and thrive. Not easy to process that trauma, at all, but so worth the effort.

 

28 minutes ago, j1290 said:

I've had more fun at work jamming to Morrissey B-sides and talking crazy than I have any right to.  Back to Moz and the daily grind.  Appreciate you, Littlebird!  Always a pleasure.  

 

Best news I've gotten all day, that your third shift was lightened up! Glad you're having fun in your jungle office, and I hope there are more light-hearted moments and laughs. Appreciate you too, thanks for being you!

 

Damn, just looked at the clock. Thanks to meds I now have a bedtime (rankling still at the audacity of this fact), and I'm officially Past My Bedtime. Gotta pop this pill and hit the hay. Till next time, midnight rider! May the shift fly by.

[Thorin]

14 hours ago, littlebird said:

Any verbal gifts I may have are yours on interview day! I'll psychically send 'em along with the good vibes. Weirdly, for an anxious person, I always interviewed really well. Something would just come over me and I'd know just what to say. Sending whatever that was your way!

I’m exactly the same. Cool when I need it most. No chill the rest of the time. Anything I can help with in this process @j1290? Wanna go over interview questions or anything?

[j1290]

45 minutes ago, Thorin said:

Anything I can help with in this process @j1290? Wanna go over interview questions or anything?

Hey, thanks man!   I'm taking a class today and I got a coach and books and whatnot.  You never know, I might hit you up later.  Much appreciated!

[Thorin]

39 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Hey, thanks man!   I'm taking a class today and I got a coach and books and whatnot.  You never know, I might hit you up later.  Much appreciated!

Anytime man

[Fifree]

18 hours ago, littlebird said:

would I prefer chemical hangover, or hypomanic

I would definitely choose hypomanic for a job interview. You’ll come across as confident and decisive. Speaking from bitter experience I can say that making major life decisions decisions when hypomanic is a bad idea, but doing interviews would be great. 
 

will this possible new job see you working regular daytime hours?

[j1290]

DAY 4  light 3/10 headaches, head pressure, slight irritability

Just a quicky today.  Been feeling great, considering my erratic sleep schedule.  EMDR was double plus icky today, which is where the growth is for me I think. Interested to see how the next few days go side effects wise, as they ramp up from here.  So far all signs point to being lighter. I really think one more cut and I'm going to be somewhere approaching tolerable side effects.  No complaints from me if that's so.  Today is pretty solid, maybe I'll use day 4 for my interview.  Little more solid emotionally, but I'll figure it out. 

[littlebird]

55 minutes ago, j1290 said:

EMDR was double plus icky today, which is where the growth is for me I think.

 

Yuckeroo! Been there, not fun. Sorry the soup got you.

 

55 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Today is pretty solid, maybe I'll use day 4 for my interview.

 

So glad you're able to pinpoint this and plan!

 

Hope tonight you can treat yourself to something soothing and nice, sounds like you did really big hard work today in therapy. 

[j1290]

20 minutes ago, littlebird said:

Sorry the soup got you.

haha it's all good, if it wasn't a soup it'd be something else.  Today was a book 

21 minutes ago, littlebird said:

So glad you're able to pinpoint this and plan!

I don't know if I'm coming or going with this topsy turvy schedule, but I do know I'm moving closer to zero.  

The cut and suffer method of tapering has its upsides 

[Carmie]

@j1290 You just made me laugh: “ The cut and suffer method.”😆

[j1290]

DAY 5  3/10 head pressure, headache, weirdness but fine

 

Not gonna lie, was kinda hoping this would go a little easier.  Kinda like how I might have hoped for extra presents from Santa as a kid, it wasn't exactly based on facts.  Nobody told me this would be a cakewalk.  This is supposed to be the last of my easy days and I'm fine, but I would also like to register my preference to feel no WD symptoms whatsoever going forward.  Please and thank you. 

[Thorin]

15 minutes ago, j1290 said:

but I would also like to register my preference to feel no WD symptoms whatsoever going forward. 

Noted and filed for consideration. No promises 

[j1290]

4 minutes ago, Thorin said:

Noted and filed for consideration. No promises 

Spoken like a good manager.  Nice!  😁

 

I registered my dislike for EMDR at therapy last night.  That's also been noted.  

Just nice to be heard, yanno?  

[Thorin]

20 minutes ago, j1290 said:

registered my dislike for EMDR at therapy last night.  That's also been noted.  

Noted and agreed however it is highly effective so we should both continue with it. Can’t wait for the day I can leave it behind me though

[littlebird]

1 hour ago, j1290 said:

I would also like to register my preference to feel no WD symptoms whatsoever going forward.  Please and thank you. 

 

If you find the appropriate forms and offices to register this, please let me know.

 

1 hour ago, Thorin said:

Noted and filed for consideration. No promises 

 

This got a chuckle outta me

 

1 hour ago, j1290 said:

I registered my dislike for EMDR at therapy last night.  That's also been noted.  

Just nice to be heard, yanno?  

 

Definitely. Oof, it's a tough one. 

 

1 hour ago, Thorin said:

Noted and agreed however it is highly effective so we should both continue with it.

 

Glad y'all aren't going through it alone, and can encourage each other through it. I would add that yes, it is highly effective and worth doing, and ALSO, you both deserve treats and nice things for doing the tough thing.

[j1290]

38 minutes ago, littlebird said:

If you find the appropriate forms and offices to register this, please let me know.

This gave me a laugh.  Will be sure to CC them to you when I find them!  

 

39 minutes ago, littlebird said:

2 hours ago, Thorin said:

Noted and filed for consideration. No promises 

 

This got a chuckle outta me

 

Me too.  Sounds exactly what I would expect from management.  As an aside and note to myself, next gig I have I'm going to tell them I'm quitting smoking so that's why I'm nervous and irritable.   

40 minutes ago, littlebird said:

Glad y'all aren't going through it alone, and can encourage each other through it. I would add that yes, it is highly effective and worth doing, and ALSO, you both deserve treats and nice things for doing the tough thing.

Very true.  I also like the treat centric approach.  I gotta really listen to that.   

[littlebird]

12 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Very true.  I also like the treat centric approach.  I gotta really listen to that.

 

I treated myself to so much chocolate today, my inner child is pleased. Hope third shift flies by for you tonight and you get treats too!

[Thorin]

1 hour ago, littlebird said:

ALSO, you both deserve treats and nice things for doing the tough thing.

I’m ALL about the treats so thank you 😊. My usual response to ‘do you want anything from the shops’ is ‘treats’. This then sparks a discussion about what specific treats I’d like and apparently ‘surprise me’ is not enough information. Funnily enough my partner refused to give me any treat details when she requested treats the other day so I selected a bunch of things. Not. One. Thing. Was. Right 😂. She ended up driving to the shops later to select her own treats. Needless to say we are both requesting more detailed information about required treats. Treats are to be taken seriously thank you.

[Thorin]

47 minutes ago, j1290 said:

next gig I have I'm going to tell them I'm quitting smoking so that's why I'm nervous and irritable.   

That’s a damn good idea.

 

35 minutes ago, littlebird said:

I treated myself to so much chocolate today, my inner child is pleased. Hope third shift flies by for you tonight and you get treats too!

Yay for chocolate and happy inner children! I hope you get treats to tonight @j1290 (always feel like I’m referring to a robot when I think of that as your name).

[j1290]

26 minutes ago, Thorin said:

Treats are to be taken seriously thank you.

I'm 100% with you on this.  I used to have a candy bowl at my desk so had lots of important discussions on the merits of different types of chocolate.  

 

32 minutes ago, Thorin said:

That’s a damn good idea.

I was investigating drug WD with similar side effects to Bupropion to look for fertile grounds for information and it hit me, Bup is used for quitting smoking so whoop there it is, a good relatable explanation to new coworkers for my irritability some days without busting out a SNRI receptor parabolic occupancy curve whatever chart and holding a conference room seminar explaining what that is.   Plus I suck at powerpoint.  Hopefully refilling that candy bowl will smooth out some of the rough spots.  

[Thorin]

23 minutes ago, j1290 said:

I'm 100% with you on this.  I used to have a candy bowl at my desk so had lots of important discussions on the merits of different types of chocolate.  

Man there is a different chocolate for every occasion. Big choccy fan here 🙋🏻‍♂️

 

25 minutes ago, j1290 said:

was investigating drug WD with similar side effects to Bupropion to look for fertile grounds for information and it hit me, Bup is used for quitting smoking so whoop there it is, a good relatable explanation to new coworkers for my irritability some days without busting out a SNRI receptor parabolic occupancy curve whatever chart and holding a conference room seminar explaining what that is.   Plus I suck at powerpoint.  Hopefully refilling that candy bowl will smooth out some of the rough spots.  

Yeah I learned only recently it’s called Zyban here and used to be used to help quit smoking. People I know who took it said it really messed them around emotionally and mentally. Think you should break out the occupancy chart though

[j1290]

24 minutes ago, Thorin said:

Think you should break out the occupancy chart though

I like your style. I'll carry it around tucked under my arm.

[littlebird]

7 hours ago, j1290 said:

8 hours ago, Thorin said:

That’s a damn good idea.

I was investigating drug WD with similar side effects to Bupropion to look for fertile grounds for information and it hit me, Bup is used for quitting smoking so whoop there it is, a good relatable explanation to new coworkers for my irritability some days without busting out a SNRI receptor parabolic occupancy curve whatever chart and holding a conference room seminar explaining what that is.

 

This makes so much sense!! The irritability from Bup does seem similar to the irritability I get when I really want a cig. When I accidentally 50% tapered myself, I started chain-smoking like a mug to cope with the side effects. I thought upping the dose would take away some of those cravings, but I was still jonesing hard (or wanting one even more at times).

 

Although you never know who could benefit from the occupancy explanation, they can find that online like we did. "Quitting smoking" as an explanation seems like a really good idea! Although, who knows, you might be a teddy bear in a different work environment.

 

7 hours ago, Thorin said:

People I know who took it said it really messed them around emotionally and mentally.

 

The one time my partner tried an AD, it was Bup for quitting smoking. I didn't know them at that time, but they said it made them feel too weird and they stopped taking it. 

 

8 hours ago, Thorin said:

Treats are to be taken seriously thank you.

 

Accurate!! Ate half a pound of choco yesterday, no regrets. Made the day way better. Just can't do that every day. 

 

Woke up feeling murderous (neighbor out-noised the white noise machine), and seeing your discussion of chocolate turned my frown right upside down. Thank you from the bottom of my grumpy lil heart, you two!

 

Team Treats! Let's treat ourselves to some fun today too.

[j1290]

24 minutes ago, littlebird said:

The irritability from Bup does seem similar to the irritability I get when I really want a cig.

I read last night that how Bup works in preventing nicotine craving it somehow also affects short term memory and causes brain fog and intercranial pressure, so that's fun.  It should scale down with the taper though.  

 

 

31 minutes ago, littlebird said:

made them feel too weird and they stopped taking it. 

Smart move!

32 minutes ago, littlebird said:

you might be a teddy bear in a different work environment.

The laughter has stopped at this one for sure.   

 

36 minutes ago, littlebird said:

Accurate!! Ate half a pound of choco yesterday, no regrets. Made the day way better. Just can't do that every day. 

Got a half pound box of See's candy from a co worker one time.   Never had it before.   Ate the whole box while watching Battlestar Galactica.   I still remember that night fondly.  Makes any occassion special.  

 

[littlebird]

18 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Got a half pound box of See's candy from a co worker one time.   Never had it before.   Ate the whole box while watching Battlestar Galactica.   I still remember that night fondly.  Makes any occassion special. 

 

It was See's Candy I gorged on!! After years of rigorous market testing, I think it's the best out there. Wish we could mail some to Thorin!

[littlebird]

Okay, I ate so much chocolate today and yesterday that I needed to get stern with myself. Even though I wasn't physically hungry, I kept craving it. Decided to google it, and found out craving chocolate can be a sign that your magnesium levels are low. What??

[j1290]

DAY 6  3/10 headache, pressure, brain activation, irritability

 

So it begins, the hard days of the taper.  I unexpectedly had to work today at an earlier time and see people.   Once I got past my stinkin' thinkin' and frustration at being in sleep deprivation, things were actually just fine interacting with people, for the most part.   It'll be easier in the future when my head's not doing flips.   

Had a surprise interview for my secret job today when I should have been asleep, because why not?  I think it went well and they were very gracious. So far people involved in the Secret Job field have all been very nice.  I'm not sure I can pivot into this because of the length of time the training will take.  Feeling a little paranoid and insecure, and I'm sure WD and lack of sleep are part of it.  The good thing is I've managed it rather than going down the paranoia rabbit hole.  

 

Today is SFW but not ideal.  Overall happy with my performance, and I'm nearly done with this first week of taper.   One day at a time I'll get through this.   Excited to get to 90 mg next month.   

[littlebird]

13 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Had a surprise interview for my secret job today when I should have been asleep, because why not?

 

You had a secret job pop quiz today during your sleep hours? You're a ******* boss, man. 

 

14 minutes ago, j1290 said:

So far people involved in the Secret Job field have all been very nice.  I'm not sure I can pivot into this because of the length of time the training will take.  Feeling a little paranoid and insecure, and I'm sure WD and lack of sleep are part of it.  The good thing is I've managed it rather than going down the paranoia rabbit hole. 

 

There's always those moments of trepidation before a big leap. It's one thing if you're having big gut intuition saying, "I know in my bones this is not right for me." BUT if your head is giving you imposter syndrome?? Oh, let's sort that sucker out right here right now because you're a badass mfing champion.

 

You're handling so much already, and handling it well, and I'd bet cash money that you could handle training and learning. Especially if you accommodate your needs around symptoms and whatnot, and the circadian rhythm retraining to the sun might help too. You've been mentioning some fatigue around 3rd shift.

 

24 minutes ago, j1290 said:

The good thing is I've managed it rather than going down the paranoia rabbit hole.  

 

Today is SFW but not ideal.  Overall happy with my performance, and I'm nearly done with this first week of taper.   One day at a time I'll get through this.   Excited to get to 90 mg next month. 

 

The fact that you did a pop quiz job interview in the middle of your "night," and feel good about it, is truly superhuman. Are you off tonight? Hopefully you're snoozing. 

 

Good to hear you affirming yourself. You're doing it, man!

[Fifree]

48 minutes ago, j1290 said:

So it begins, the hard days of the taper.  I unexpectedly had to work today at an earlier time and see people.   Once I got past my stinkin' thinkin' and frustration at being in sleep deprivation, things were actually just fine interacting with people, for the most part.   It'll be easier in the future when my head's not doing flips.   

Had a surprise interview for my secret job today when I should have been asleep, because why not? 

Holy cr@p that’s an unexpectedly difficult day! I know you plan to have your bad WD days on the weekend so you can catch up on sleep and sit around watching movies and eating chocolates. But to have to work unexpectedly and then have a” surprise” job interview thrown in? You’re a legend for handling it all well! 
 

i need to find out where I can try these See’s chocolates. I’ve never heard of them but they sound pretty dang good if you can just sit down and scoff a half pound in one sitting. Actually it’s probably better if I can’t find them…