j1290: gets off the Wellbutrin and on with life!

[j1290]

3 hours ago, littlebird said:

Seriously, reading your supportive exchanges tonight made me cry for the gazillionth time today,

Oh my gosh, I think I understand a little.  When I'm in the right mood, if I watch TV and see some kind of supportive family situation, it can turn me into a puddle of tears out of nowhere.  I'm especially fragile during a taper.  

 

Doing EMDR has helped me out a lot.  I'm dealing with a higher class of problems, which is nice.  

You sound like you're doing great, @littlebird.  Your company is most welcome on this journey!

[Thorin]

I agree @littlebird I love your energy. It’s great having you join us on this journey (obviously wish you weren’t going through it)

[j1290]

DAY 10  hard 3/10, not quite a 4.  I appreciate the easier day.  Forecast for the next 10 days of this taper is 4/10 with a chance of scattered 3/10s.  More or less halfway through the worst of this taper, which is pretty cool.  Barely had to take any extra meds at all lately, which is great.  Looking forward to the next cut, but also to this hold.  I'm not quite down to where I want to be for day to day life, but close enough that I think I'll feel pretty decent.  

[littlebird]

7 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Forecast for the next 10 days of this taper is 4/10 with a chance of scattered 3/10s.  More or less halfway through the worst of this taper, which is pretty cool.

 

I love that you have such a handle on this that you're able to forecast! I can't wait to get to the point of knowing what to expect. Glad you had a 3/10 day today! Hoping tomorrow takes you by surprise with a 2 or 1.

 

8 minutes ago, j1290 said:

I'm not quite down to where I want to be for day to day life, but close enough that I think I'll feel pretty decent.  

 

I enjoy these little peeks in to what life can be like without meds. It's a scary prospect for me (what if I'm a monster under all these medications??), but hopeful signs like enjoying how I feel and being able to connect with people or have a good laugh and/or cry make me think it'll all work out fine and I'm on the right track.

 

29 minutes ago, Thorin said:

I agree @littlebird I love your energy. It’s great having you join us on this journey (obviously wish you weren’t going through it)

 

Aw, thank you! So glad we've been able to help each other through the hard days and celebrate the good ones. We're on our way!

[Thorin]

11 minutes ago, j1290 said:

DAY 10  hard 3/10, not quite a 4.  I appreciate the easier day.  Forecast for the next 10 days of this taper is 4/10 with a chance of scattered 3/10s.  More or less halfway through the worst of this taper, which is pretty cool.  Barely had to take any extra meds at all lately, which is great.  Looking forward to the next cut, but also to this hold.  I'm not quite down to where I want to be for day to day life, but close enough that I think I'll feel pretty decent.  

Just gotta push through and before you know it you’ll be out the other side of this taper!

[Thorin]

3 minutes ago, littlebird said:

It's a scary prospect for me (what if I'm a monster under all these medications??), but hopeful signs like enjoying how I feel and being able to connect with people or have a good laugh and/or cry make me think it'll all work out fine and I'm on the right track.

You know I get scared of this at times too but mounting evidence is suggesting I’m a pretty nice dude at a lower dose. I bet you find the same thing (except not a dude 😜). I’m seeing lots of nice stuff and I bet there’s even more hidden under those meds

 

4 minutes ago, littlebird said:

Aw, thank you! So glad we've been able to help each other through the hard days and celebrate the good ones. We're on our way!

I agree! We are all on our way!

[littlebird]

2 minutes ago, Thorin said:

You know I get scared of this at times too but mounting evidence is suggesting I’m a pretty nice dude at a lower dose. I bet you find the same thing (except not a dude 😜). I’m seeing lots of nice stuff and I bet there’s even more hidden under those meds

 

Thanks, I needed that! True true, there have been zero signs that I've got monstrosity in here, so maybe I can chase that fear off with continued evidence to the contrary. Also, gotta trust the people in my life would let me know if I started to change for the worse! Can't worry about that too hard.

 

Better to focus on the good: I'm finding it MUCH easier to connect with others since changing meds around, I'm still quick with a joke and a laugh, and I'm having an easier time making plans for the future. I'm coming out of a fog. Also, my partner assured me last night (after I asked if I was changing in this process), I'm the same person no matter what the meds are doing that particular moment. That's a good sign that hidden terrors aren't waking up.

 

I guess it's more like different parts of me are waking up, and while some of them have some very strong feelings, we're all getting along fine. The angry teen was a trip, but we worked it out!

 

Whew, gotta trust that I'm just the me I always was, just more so (and that's a good thing). If there is a monster in here, maybe it's a cute Sesame Street type monster and we'll also get along swimmingly.

[j1290]

33 minutes ago, Thorin said:

Just gotta push through and before you know it you’ll be out the other side of this taper!

For sure.   The great thing is once I do a cut, I can't back out just because I have a tummy ache, I have to ride it out to the end.  If I had the option to conveniently tap out I don't think I'd ever have gotten this far.   

 

29 minutes ago, Thorin said:

but mounting evidence is suggesting I’m a pretty nice dude at a lower dose

My personal experience is I like myself more, I laugh more, and I have more jokes than I did drugged to the gills.   I also think I'm easier to be around for lots of reasons, not the least of which is I'm more engaged and perceptive of reading a reading a social situation.  Meh wording isn't there but you get my drift.  That's a long way of saying I think I'm becoming my favorite version of myself, and I think you are, too.  

34 minutes ago, littlebird said:

I love that you have such a handle on this that you're able to forecast!

haha yeah well 200 pages of daily notes and you'll be able to do the same!  Can't wait to be done and throw that ****** away.   

 

34 minutes ago, littlebird said:

I enjoy these little peeks in to what life can be like without meds.

I get a few days every cut that I feel just normal, what I envision daily life to be without meds.  I'm still in jail, but I do have an out date, sometime in the next 18 months or so.   Close enough I can dare to dream.  

 

34 minutes ago, littlebird said:

It's a scary prospect for me (what if I'm a monster under all these medications??)

I think that's totally understandable and valid for people like us that have been on meds for a minute.   Honestly, I don't see any signs of it or expect to, but I'd rather be depressed than on meds.  That part of my life is over for now, and hopefully I won't have to revisit it.  It's time.  

 

I guess we'll find out but I think you're going to be even more of a riot off the meds.  And if you aren't and struggle, that's OK too.  I am positive you'll make the right move for whatever is best for you.  

 

34 minutes ago, littlebird said:

but hopeful signs like enjoying how I feel and being able to connect with people or have a good laugh and/or cry make me think it'll all work out fine and I'm on the right track.

I get these moments here and there.  I read that one of the if not the most important parts of our life is our relationships with others, and I've had some good times with other people lately that I wouldn't trade for anything.   I think I'll continue to get more of those as I taper. 

 

You getting vivid dreams from the Bupropion taper?   I was half asleep in this empty warehouse I work at last night, and thought a spooky ghost was going to pop out when the building would creak.  No joke I about screamed haha!  I'm jumpy to begin with but a Bup cut really brings out the imagination.  I used to have to sleep with the lights on. 

[Thorin]

14 minutes ago, littlebird said:

Thanks, I needed that! True true, there have been zero signs that I've got monstrosity in here, so maybe I can chase that fear off with continued evidence to the contrary. Also, gotta trust the people in my life would let me know if I started to change for the worse! Can't worry about that too hard.

Hey that’s right. The people around you would say something if you weren’t a good person (or they just wouldn’t be around you). I tend to check in with my nearest and dearest to see how I’m doing/being. Sometimes it’s easy to get bogged down on the taper and life stresses and start being short or snappy. I don’t want to treat the people I love badly!

 

16 minutes ago, littlebird said:

Better to focus on the good: I'm finding it MUCH easier to connect with others since changing meds around, I'm still quick with a joke and a laugh, and I'm having an easier time making plans for the future. I'm coming out of a fog. Also, my partner assured me last night (after I asked if I was changing in this process), I'm the same person no matter what the meds are doing that particular moment. That's a good sign that hidden terrors aren't waking up.

How good is it to connect with people! This is a relatively new thing for me (I didn’t realise but I wasn’t really connecting when medicated). I lost the ability with the recent med issue but I can feel it coming back today. Would hate to not be able to connect to people after starting to do it properly!

Does it feel good coming out of the fog (it did for me). What allowed you to come out of the fog? I’ve changed during this process but much for the better (I’ve had a bunch of conversations with my partner about this). She’s changed through this process as well. Also for the better.

20 minutes ago, littlebird said:

guess it's more like different parts of me are waking up, and while some of them have some very strong feelings, we're all getting along fine. The angry teen was a trip, but we worked it

Sound alike you’re familiar with parts work! They’re entitled to have some strong feelings. Let them out! I know my angry teen but have been dealing with my younger versions of myself for some time.

 

21 minutes ago, littlebird said:

Whew, gotta trust that I'm just the me I always was, just more so (and that's a good thing). If there is a monster in here, maybe it's a cute Sesame Street type monster and we'll also get along swimmingly.

😂😂😂

[Thorin]

7 minutes ago, j1290 said:

For sure.   The great thing is once I do a cut, I can't back out just because I have a tummy ache, I have to ride it out to the end.  If I had the option to conveniently tap out I don't think I'd ever have gotten this far. 

You could reinstate but I’ve seen you just commit and push through every time. You’ve done well.

 

8 minutes ago, j1290 said:

My personal experience is I like myself more, I laugh more, and I have more jokes than I did drugged to the gills.   I also think I'm easier to be around for lots of reasons, not the least of which is I'm more engaged and perceptive of reading a reading a social situation.  Meh wording isn't there but you get my drift.  That's a long way of saying I think I'm becoming my favorite version of myself, and I think you are, too. 

I’m glad you like the real you. I’m finding I like the real me too. Could do with a bit more stability within myself but I figure that’ll come with time. On a different different note my kids are going to the states with their mum and her husband next year (or later this year). My son was excited because he’s going to San Diego! There’s something to do with skateboarding there that he likes. He’s pretty chuffed.

 

11 minutes ago, j1290 said:

but I'd rather be depressed than on meds.  That part of my life is over for now, and hopefully I won't have to revisit it.  It's time.  

I was literally thinking to myself today, “I’d rather feel the deep pain of severe trauma than be back on those numbing medications”

[j1290]

 

4 minutes ago, Thorin said:

My son was excited because he’s going to San Diego! There’s something to do with skateboarding there that he likes. He’s pretty chuffed.

Super cool!   Lotta good skateboarding around here, I'm sure it'll be great fun.  Small world!

 

7 minutes ago, Thorin said:

I was literally thinking to myself today, “I’d rather feel the deep pain of severe trauma than be back on those numbing medications”

Agreed.  At least right now, I'd rather have the long daily sad then be put back into chemical prison.   I think I'll be alright, and if I'm not then I'll figure it out.  I always do.   

[Thorin]

7 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Super cool!   Lotta good skateboarding around here, I'm sure it'll be great fun.  Small world!

So I just checked with him and it was the Zoo he was keen for. Skateboarding was in LA.

 

8 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Agreed.  At least right now, I'd rather have the long daily sad then be put back into chemical prison.   I think I'll be alright, and if I'm not then I'll figure it out.  I always do. 

I wonder if your long daily sad has eased now you’ve done so much work on it……

[j1290]

9 minutes ago, Thorin said:

So I just checked with him and it was the Zoo he was keen for. Skateboarding was in LA

SD zoo is truly amazing!  I hope he likes it.  

 

10 minutes ago, Thorin said:

I wonder if your long daily sad has eased now you’ve done so much work on it……

Better late than never, I'm convinced it has.  I'm sure there's much more to do of course, but if I were going to be overwhelmingly depressed, I think I'd have at least a hint of that by now.   If I have to go back on meds as a last resort I'll do that, but that's all a long ways off.   

 

How about you? 

[Thorin]

1 minute ago, j1290 said:

SD zoo is truly amazing!  I hope he likes it. 

Awesome! I’ll tell him a local said it was good!

 

2 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Better late than never, I'm convinced it has.  I'm sure there's much more to do of course, but if I were going to be overwhelmingly depressed, I think I'd have at least a hint of that by now.   If I have to go back on meds as a last resort I'll do that, but that's all a long ways off. 

I think you’d have some sort of inkling but you’ll know for sure when you start to get below the lowest therapeutic dose. But surely you’d have some sort of sense of it by now if it was going to spring up.

 

3 minutes ago, j1290 said:

How about you? 

Considering how I’ve been the last 6 weeks (with windows before that) I think I’ll be ok. There’s trauma to deal with as you know but I’m rarely depressed and not for long when it does hit. And when it does hit it’s WD related. There’s a lot of anxiety at times, but there’re periods where there’s very little anxiety and I suspect when the anxiety is around a lot of it is either med related or WD related. I’m on a pretty low dose and I’d hope if any overwhelming underlying mental illness was going to pop up it’d be here by now. I guess I’ll know more as I taper. As for going back on meds? There are many things I would try first before I’d even sit down and consider that. I’ve tried so many I’m not really sure there’s one that would do the job even if I wanted it….. I’d be trying psychedelics before you’d get me back on an antidepressant or anything like that.

[j1290]

13 minutes ago, Thorin said:

I think you’d have some sort of inkling but you’ll know for sure when you start to get below the lowest therapeutic dose. But surely you’d have some sort of sense of it by now if it was going to spring up.

 

You bring up a really good point about getting below a theraputic dose.  I think the evidence supports that I'll be fine.  I got off the Effexor, and i've been tapering since June without any depression symptoms.  That said, anything could happen.  I've literally never in my life been so aware of my day to day and hour to hour feelings, some good advice I've gotten from here.  If things get weird I think I'll at least be aware of it.  You're right, if it's going to happen, I think going forward is when I'm going to feel it.   So far so good 🤷🏻‍♂️

 

35 minutes ago, Thorin said:

I suspect when the anxiety is around a lot of it is either med related or WD related

All part of the fun.   When I get anxiety and go down the rumination rabbit hole I know in retrospect it's WD related(I think a warped version of my own feeling) but at the time it feels very real.   

 

38 minutes ago, Thorin said:

I’m on a pretty low dose and I’d hope if any overwhelming underlying mental illness was going to pop up it’d be here by now.

Makes sense to me!  If you're down to 50% occupancy, I have to think you'd feel *something* by now.   My fear, unrealistic or not, is rebound months after I get to zero.   Thank heaven I didn't have that off the Effexor.   

 

41 minutes ago, Thorin said:

There are many things I would try first before I’d even sit down and consider that. I’ve tried so many I’m not really sure there’s one that would do the job even if I wanted it….. I’d be trying psychedelics before you’d get me back on an antidepressant or anything like that.

I can relate to this and it makes a lot of sense.  Again, it's a great question.  I like to make A, B, and C plans while I'm thinking clearly, because my experience is during heavy depression or WD my decision making is impaired.   So if I have some plans to fall back on that I think are solid I feel a little more secure.  I need to make some up just in case.   Glad you put that on my radar.   I've probably read it elsewhere and it got lost in the shuffle.    

[Thorin]

1 hour ago, j1290 said:

You bring up a really good point about getting below a theraputic dose.  I think the evidence supports that I'll be fine.  I got off the Effexor, and i've been tapering since June without any depression symptoms.  That said, anything could happen.

It could but I suspect you’ll be ok given how you’re going

1 hour ago, j1290 said:

I've literally never in my life been so aware of my day to day and hour to hour feelings, some good advice I've gotten from here.  If things get weird I think I'll at least be aware of it.

Tell Me about it. I’m hypervigilant of my internal state at all times now. Can’t wait until I can relax again!

 

1 hour ago, j1290 said:

related(I think a warped version of my own feeling) b

Same. It’s based on what I feel but exacerbated greatly by the WD. Social anxiety was bad today!

 

1 hour ago, j1290 said:

now.   My fear, unrealistic or not, is rebound months after I get to zero. 

This is popped into my kind a number of times. I’m sure it will play on my mind more the closer I get to zero. I couldn’t believe it when I got of Pristiq relatively unscathed. Kept checking and testing myself for ages afterwards

 

1 hour ago, j1290 said:

can relate to this and it makes a lot of sense.  Again, it's a great question.  I like to make A, B, and C plans while I'm thinking clearly, because my experience is during heavy depression or WD my decision making is impaired.   So if I have some plans to fall back on that I think are solid I feel a little more secure.  I need to make some up just in case.   Glad you put that on my radar.   

Definitely good to have a back up plan when you’re tapering. Hopefully it’s something we won’t have to think about as much when we’re off

[littlebird]

9 hours ago, j1290 said:

My personal experience is I like myself more, I laugh more, and I have more jokes than I did drugged to the gills.   I also think I'm easier to be around for lots of reasons, not the least of which is I'm more engaged and perceptive of reading a reading a social situation.

 

Yes, that part!! I think I'm more lively, and a lot more engaged with others. It's easier to smile and laugh, used to feel like a smile had to be dragged up from the depths.

 

9 hours ago, j1290 said:

I get a few days every cut that I feel just normal, what I envision daily life to be without meds.  I'm still in jail, but I do have an out date, sometime in the next 18 months or so.   Close enough I can dare to dream.  

 

I'm so happy you have the end in sight! When you're a free man, I hope you drop us a line sometimes and let us know how you're doing! 

 

9 hours ago, Thorin said:

Sound alike you’re familiar with parts work! They’re entitled to have some strong feelings. Let them out! I know my angry teen but have been dealing with my younger versions of myself for some time.

 

Yes! Mostly from reading about it, and a little talking to psychologists I was doing fieldwork under (in my past life, post-teaching, I was in mental health: education, counseling, coaching, and running support groups).

 

This new therapist I'm working with jumped right in with some deep parts work, and at the end of the last session I asked if we'd just been doing Internal Family Systems. Turns out it was Gestalt, which I haven't studied. I had some really deep work happening working with some parts!! He blew my mind in that session.

 

10 hours ago, j1290 said:

I get these moments here and there.  I read that one of the if not the most important parts of our life is our relationships with others, and I've had some good times with other people lately that I wouldn't trade for anything.   I think I'll continue to get more of those as I taper. 

 

So true!!! I spent most of life hyper-independently fighting this idea that community is necessary, and life conspired to really prove it to me that we are social creatures who do better with others. The older I get, the more I realize that jobs can come and go, it's the relationships in our lives that are really worth nurturing.

 

10 hours ago, j1290 said:

You getting vivid dreams from the Bupropion taper?   I was half asleep in this empty warehouse I work at last night, and thought a spooky ghost was going to pop out when the building would creak.  No joke I about screamed haha!

 

Ooh, didn't know that was a thing with Bupropion! I've always tended towards wild dreams, mostly nightmares, so I thought it was a me-thing. My dreams got really intense when I stopped taking it with the pills that were interacting, I've been waking up having tossed and turned so much I pull the fitted sheet off most mornings and am tangled in blankets and sheets.

 

That spooky warehouse would have made me scream for sure! 

 

10 hours ago, Thorin said:

I lost the ability with the recent med issue but I can feel it coming back today. Would hate to not be able to connect to people after starting to do it properly!

Does it feel good coming out of the fog (it did for me). What allowed you to come out of the fog?

 

Yes, I don't want to go back to living in the fog! I think things started changing when I learned that my cocktail was interacting, and started spacing them out. After a little time, I noticed I was feeling more, more aware. I think I'd been zombified for my whole adult life!

 

9 hours ago, Thorin said:

10 hours ago, j1290 said:

but I'd rather be depressed than on meds.  That part of my life is over for now, and hopefully I won't have to revisit it.  It's time.  

I was literally thinking to myself today, “I’d rather feel the deep pain of severe trauma than be back on those numbing medications”

 

YES! While I was always ready and willing to do trauma-work in the past, it's a lot easier without the numbing being so strong.

 

I'd been bummed that my emotions had been so close to the surface, then my therapist last week complimented me on being so in touch with them and having them so accessible. It's all working out! 

 

9 hours ago, Thorin said:

There’s trauma to deal with as you know but I’m rarely depressed and not for long when it does hit.

 

Oh, wow, I'm so glad you said this. I hadn't realized until now, maybe because the sad feelings are more intense, but they don't last as long!! It used to be a foggy slow burn of depression that lasted for ages. While it's easier to slip into sadness, I can get back out of it easier.

 

8 hours ago, j1290 said:

I've literally never in my life been so aware of my day to day and hour to hour feelings, some good advice I've gotten from here.  If things get weird I think I'll at least be aware of it.

 

Yes, that's been very useful for me too. I used to just make a mental note of how I was feeling, then keep on keeping on. Logging has been incredibly useful!

 

6 hours ago, Thorin said:

Same. It’s based on what I feel but exacerbated greatly by the WD. Social anxiety was bad today!

 

My social anxiety has extra sharp teeth since coming out of this med-fog. BUT it's also easier to make conversation with people, so I'm gonna keep pushing through and trying to be more self-assured.

 

I enjoyed catching up on your talk, you two always give me so much food for thought. Instead of jumping straight into work in the mornings, I've been spending a little time to have some SA time with my tea. Helps me start the day on a more thoughtful note, and the social piece has been helpful too.

 

I've been making more plans. Realized that in the fog of meds I was working all the time, and that was fine. That's also how large spans of time can fly by with no good memories made.

 

I used to wait till my birthday or my partner's, then plan something fun. Why only have two fun adventures a year? We could live a birthday lifestyle and plan fun things every month.

 

Next weekend, I'm taking some folks to some weird and wonderful parts of the bay I usually only go to when I'm playing tour guide for visiting folks. Found out many people I know haven't ridden the ferry (scenic and lovely, the best way to cross the bay) or ridden the cable cars, which are 100% worth the hype. 

 

@Thorin, sounds like your kids will be in southern CA, but if they come to SF bay I have some recommendations for finding magic.

 

Thank you, you two make life better! This was a much better way to start my morning than jumping into my inbox immediately. 

[Thorin]

6 hours ago, littlebird said:

Yes, that part!! I think I'm more lively, and a lot more engaged with others. It's easier to smile and laugh, used to feel like a smile had to be dragged up from the depths

I feel like I can connect with people on a deeper level for the first time ever (well the current med stuff up is stopping at that, but it’s not permanent). My partner says she’s never felt connected to me the way she does now…

 

6 hours ago, littlebird said:

Yes! Mostly from reading about it, and a little talking to psychologists I was doing fieldwork under (in my past life, post-teaching, I was in mental health: education, counseling, coaching, and running support groups).

 

This new therapist I'm working with jumped right in with some deep parts work, and at the end of the last session I asked if we'd just been doing Internal Family Systems. Turns out it was Gestalt, which I haven't studied. I had some really deep work happening working with some parts!! He blew my mind in that session.

Sound like you have an interesting life and an interest in learning. Me too! My life’s not currently interesting in the way I would like it to be but there’s plenty going on so I enjoy the quiet time when I can get it.

 

6 hours ago, littlebird said:

necessary, and life conspired to really prove it to me that we are social creatures who do better with others. The older I get, the more I realize that jobs can come and go, it's the relationships in our lives that are really worth nurturing.

This!

 

6 hours ago, littlebird said:

e aware. I think I'd been zombified for my whole adult life!

Yep! Apologies about one word answers. Means it’s something I have a lot of feelings about and I need to decipher the feelings.

 

6 hours ago, littlebird said:

Oh, wow, I'm so glad you said this. I hadn't realized until now, maybe because the sad feelings are more intense, but they don't last as long!! It used to be a foggy slow burn of depression that lasted for ages. While it's easier to slip into sadness, I can get back out of it easier.

This sounds very familiar too. I definitely bounce back quicker, but I feel it stronger also.

 

6 hours ago, littlebird said:

My social anxiety has extra sharp teeth since coming out of this med-fog. BUT it's also easier to make conversation with people, so I'm gonna keep pushing through and trying to be more self-assured.

Mine seems to come and go. And I want to face it when it does come up!

 

6 hours ago, littlebird said:

enjoyed catching up on your talk, you two always give me so much food for thought. Instead of jumping straight into work in the mornings, I've been spending a little time to have some SA time with my tea. Helps me start the day on a more thoughtful note, and the social piece has been helpful too.

That sound lovely. Might make myself a cup of Ceylon orange pecoe tea. My favourite!

 

6 hours ago, littlebird said:

@Thorin, sounds like your kids will be in southern CA, but if they come to SF bay I have some recommendations for finding magic.

Haha let’s talk when they’re there!

[littlebird]

43 minutes ago, Thorin said:

I feel like I can connect with people on a deeper level for the first time ever (well the current med stuff up is stopping at that, but it’s not permanent). My partner says she’s never felt connected to me the way she does now…

 

This is such a good sign!! 

 

44 minutes ago, Thorin said:

Yep! Apologies about one word answers. Means it’s something I have a lot of feelings about and I need to decipher the feelings.

 

I do the same thing with you! "Yes!" "You get it!" "Totally!!!"

 

45 minutes ago, Thorin said:

This sounds very familiar too. I definitely bounce back quicker, but I feel it stronger also.

 

Yup, it's stronger if not longer. So far manageable, but I think it wouldn't hurt to strengthen up my coping skills and hobbies toolbox for when the going gets rough. It's been gnarly, but not as bad as I've felt at other points, sometimes it's even like an echo of those times that I'm processing now.

 

Oof, I've been meaning to get back into creativity outside what I do for work sometimes. I enjoy that, so why can't I do my own thing? I'm still figuring that out. I have a strong feeling I'm going to need to amp up the self-care in this journey.

[j1290]

DAY 11  Light 4/10 Headache and pressure, dizzy, fuzzy thinking.  I feel hungover, however, that's an improvement.  Looking at my last two tapers, I used prescription meds 7 or 8 out of the first 11 days after a cut.  This time I've only needed them 3 days, and each day I used them it was a single med, not 2 or 3.   Thank heaven, that's very minor stuff all things considered.     By my schedule, I have 3 more bad days this cut.  I can do that standing on my head.  Really nice to have a measureable improvement and less meds in my life.  I'm going to consider this cut a tentative success, I think any major problems would have shown up by now.   

[littlebird]

32 minutes ago, j1290 said:

This time I've only needed them 3 days, and each day I used them it was a single med, not 2 or 3.   Thank heaven, that's very minor stuff all things considered.     By my schedule, I have 3 more bad days this cut.  I can do that standing on my head.  Really nice to have a measureable improvement and less meds in my life.  I'm going to consider this cut a tentative success, I think any major problems would have shown up by now.

 

Sounds like good news all around! Love to hear it.

[Thorin]

2 hours ago, j1290 said:

DAY 11  Light 4/10 Headache and pressure, dizzy, fuzzy thinking.  I feel hungover, however, that's an improvement.  Looking at my last two tapers, I used prescription meds 7 or 8 out of the first 11 days after a cut.  This time I've only needed them 3 days, and each day I used them it was a single med, not 2 or 3.   Thank heaven, that's very minor stuff all things considered.     By my schedule, I have 3 more bad days this cut.  I can do that standing on my head.  Really nice to have a measureable improvement and less meds in my life.  I'm going to consider this cut a tentative success, I think any major problems would have shown up by now.   

Things are improving!

[Soup]

@j1290 what times of the day do you take your doses ? Spaced out 8 hours ? 

[j1290]

1 hour ago, littlebird said:

Sounds like good news all around! Love to hear it.

Thanks.   Just a weird day overall but improvement.   

26 minutes ago, Thorin said:

Things are improving!

Defo.  good to have some improvement, even if it just means less-bad, man I'll take it.   

 

11 minutes ago, Soup said:

what times of the day do you take your doses ? Spaced out 8 hours ? 

Hi Soup!  Always nice to see you.   Hope things are going well on your end.   I take it approximately every 6 hours.   I used to do 8 hours but it was ultimately too inconvenient.   Since I'm tapering and in WD most of the time anyway I never really tried to fine tune it too much, but it did seem like spacing it out an extra hour here or there could help when I found a pattern of headaches occuring at a certain time.   

[littlebird]

37 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Defo.  good to have some improvement, even if it just means less-bad, man I'll take it. 

 

Less bad is a win! Ooh, this process takes so much patience. Tough to see the forest for the trees sometimes.

 

38 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Since I'm tapering and in WD most of the time anyway I never really tried to fine tune it too much, but it did seem like spacing it out an extra hour here or there could help when I found a pattern of headaches occuring at a certain time. 

 

Do you feel the up and downs, or have you gotten used to the ride? I feel like my nervous system is throttling between amped up on Wellbutrin, and coming down fast (especially with everything else in the mix).

[j1290]

1 hour ago, littlebird said:

 

Less bad is a win! Ooh, this process takes so much patience. Tough to see the forest for the trees sometimes.

 

 

Do you feel the up and downs, or have you gotten used to the ride? I feel like my nervous system is throttling between amped up on Wellbutrin, and coming down fast (especially with everything else in the mix).

 

I have never felt anything in particular, to be honest.  Previously I'd feel a headache a few hours after my second dose, but that's really the only noticeable effect that comes to mind.  Once I get down to low levels that you're at maybe that'll change.   

[Fifree]

19 hours ago, j1290 said:

By my schedule, I have 3 more bad days this cut

Your record keeping is really paying off. Glad this cut is going well. 

[j1290]

DAY 12   Every day is like Sunday....I think I'm going to start weaving in Morrissey lyrics into my blog to give them a little mystery.    3/10 besides having Suede..I mean fire-head, things have been overall fine.  Last month on this day I had to take additional meds to get by, and today the funny headache hat was enough.   Progress.  

[littlebird]

41 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Every day is like Sunday....I think I'm going to start weaving in Morrissey lyrics into my blog to give them a little mystery.

 

Love it!

 

41 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Last month on this day I had to take additional meds to get by, and today the funny headache hat was enough.   Progress.  

 

Yes, great news! I think I might take a page from your book and start tracking what day I'm on with changes like you do. Gotta up my data points! 

 

I'm remembering about a year ago, I felt like there was an ice pack on top of my head and couldn't figure out why. The top of my head was consistently cold. Now that Wellbutrin is setting my scalp on fire, I'm wondering if it's related and just different ends of some spectrum. Or random! No way to know really.

[Thorin]

1 hour ago, j1290 said:

DAY 12   Every day is like Sunday....I think I'm going to start weaving in Morrissey lyrics into my blog to give them a little mystery.    3/10 besides having Suede..I mean fire-head, things have been overall fine.  Last month on this day I had to take additional meds to get by, and today the funny headache hat was enough.   Progress.  

😂 nice

[j1290]

DAY 13  3/10 Pretty great overall, only calling it a 3 because I have to wear my headache hat.  Slight irritability + frustration.  Last month on Day 13 I had to take a couple meds, and today the hat is satisfactory, so there's real evidence things are improving.   If the past is a guide, I should only have 2 more bad days this cut, and I'm optimistic I may not even have those, since things seem to be easing a measureable amount.  Still emotionally raw, which of course is normal,  In a couple weeks things will be firmed up and I should be feeling.  

 

Looking at my notes I see I was still feeling irritable at the end of the last taper, which is a bit of a bummer.   Confident it's chem related.  On other forums people talk about getting super aggro at about that 300mg level, and I'm down to 190 so I should have improvement, but clearly I can't expect to feel no effects of this stuff when I'm at such a high dose.   I will most certainly feel better at this lower level, but I won't actually be anywhere close to unmedicated feeling until I get down to under 75mg somewhere, I think.   

 

Glad I went to therapy last night.  All this stuff really helps me day to day.   As does SAD.

[j1290]

DAY 14  3/10 overall, getting some headaches and head weirdness but nothing the ol' headache hat doesn't handle.  Best $20 I ever spent.   Something is going on in the brain and getting re-arranged.   Got a lot of activity and vivid sensations, cold air feels amazing, food tastes amazing(gained probably 15 pounds because I'm getting off of an upper, par for the course).  Brain is working better and lots of stuff going on.  Some emotions and whatnot. 

 

Therapist told me the other day he never had a client who was so thorough about getting off ADs.  Maybe it's easy for most people, who knows.   Super happy the pill case doesn't rattle like it used to.  I really think I'm sleeping better and have less anxiety.  Days I need to take blood pressure/headache pills are way down.  Don't miss those at all.  

 

Looking back at my notes, irritable/aggro is a common theme past day 18 or so.  The chemical tornado in my head at all times isn't doing me any favors.  I'm already feeling less-bad, but I think after the next cut I'll start feeling actually better, significantly less affected by the pills.  Kinda scared but looking forward to the lack of side effects.  

[Fifree]

You are doing so incredibly well John. Getting off Effexor alone is incredible. God how I hated that stuff. And you’re now down to 190 from 450 of the Wellbutrin. You’re killing this. Hope the WD symptoms don’t get in the way of taking some good R&R this weekend too. You’re nearly through the bad part of this taper. I’m gearing up for my next cut on Monday. Eek!

[j1290]

DAY 15  Slept like a million hours.  3/10 headaches and whatnot, no emotional stuff besides irritability.  Caught up on sleep from working 3rd shift and probably not getting extra rest this cut for the same reason.   Next couple days are forecast to be 4/10 uncomfy, and so far that's on track.  I had a few days that were really fun, so I think the next few are the downside of that and day 18+ things are evening out.   I gotta remember this is improving and focus on that.  

 

One more cut and I'll be rounding 3rd base and heading towards home plate.  Can't wait.  I will feel decent in no time flat.  

 

21 hours ago, Fifree said:

You’re nearly through the bad part of this taper.

Thanks Fifree, I'm so close.   Looking forward to hearing how your cut goes!  Good luck, we're pulling for you!

[Fifree]

2 hours ago, j1290 said:

Looking forward to hearing how your cut goes! 

Thank you. I’m kinda terrified. I did not enjoy the last one although I’m fine now. It takes a week to hit me so there’s quite the lag to find out how it’s going. I idly looked up my drug interactions today and discovered there’s a major interaction between Escitalopram and Dextroamphetamine. Great! So there’s definitely motivation to crack on.  
 

edit: typo

 

[j1290]

DAY 16  4/10 headache stuff/pressure.  Lame but not unexpected.  If I had to I could try some pills but so far I can get by without them.   It's a hangover feeling Sunday.   Last month on this day I had to break out all the pills, so things are getting better, and will be even better next month still.  Can't wait.   Tomorrow should be one more bad day and I'm home free for the rest of this month.