j1290: gets off the Wellbutrin and on with life!

[j1290]

1 minute ago, littlebird said:

You getting enough sunlight in a day and/or have a sun lamp in the Jungle Room?

I gotta jump back to work but just wanted to say this is a brilliant freaking idea!   We'll see if I can pull it off cuz reasons but I definitely will if I can!

[littlebird]

2 minutes ago, j1290 said:

We'll see if I can pull it off cuz reasons but I definitely will if I can!

 

I think they make ones that are glasses now you can walk around with. You'd look super steampunk with a bowler DFWM hat paired with glowing glasses lighting up your eyes, although newcomers might mistakenly believe you are haunting haunted warehouse.

[j1290]

2 hours ago, littlebird said:

I'm intrigued. What was the setting? Did the dragon get you? Sounds like an epic nightmare.

 

haha only you, Littlebird!   I had to run to a castle with a friend of mine and then as I showed them around the place the thing stared at us through a window and I woke up, thank goodness.   Pretty vivid, has to be WD related.  There was some intense feeling of impending doom that makes me think neuroemotion.   

 

2 hours ago, littlebird said:

but if that doesn't come naturally it can be hard on the mental health

Totes.   The downsides are obvious but I'm trying to take advantage of this opportunity as best I can.   I only have to do it a few more months.   

 

2 hours ago, littlebird said:

Me too! I did not expect that when I stopped drinking I'd still get hangovers. Not cool, meds, not cool.

For sure, I haven't had a hangover in a minute but I'm pretty sure this is how they feel.  Some people hardly get any WD, must be nice.   

 

2 hours ago, littlebird said:

Absence of bad is good with these pills.

I think that says it all.  I have some fears of rebound sometimes.  Even if that happens and I have to get meds again it'll be worth it.   I'll be smarter this time.   

[j1290]

2 hours ago, littlebird said:

You'd look super steampunk

This is my new aspiration.  I'll play it off like nothing is out of the ordinary when the daywalkers come in.  

[Thorin]

4 minutes ago, j1290 said:

daywalkers

Ha nice 😂. Good movie too.

[Thorin]

19 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Even if that happens and I have to get meds again it'll be worth it.   I'll be smarter this time.   

Like I always say. You know for a fact that you’ll never have to go on a higher dose than you’re on now. I don’t reckon you’d have to go back on meds tbh. All cheerfulness aside and seeing through to some of the struggle I see you doing relatively well. I don’t think you’d be able to push forward the way you have been if you weren’t doing ok. I do not foresee many meds in your future.

[Thorin]

23 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Littlebird!   I had to run to a castle with a friend of mine and then as I showed them around the place the thing stared at us through a window and I woke up, thank goodness. 

Oh man voyeuristic dragons are the worst dragons. Immediately made me think of the dragon episode of Rick and Morty. Damn my brain! Sorry I typed that out loud.

[j1290]

4 minutes ago, Thorin said:

Ha nice 😂. Good movie too.

They really nailed it with that term.  Don't remember anything else about it.  

 

1 minute ago, Thorin said:

You know for a fact that you’ll never have to go on a higher dose than you’re on now.

I hope so.  I'm keeping my stash for the moment, but I really can't wait to toss those bottles.  Every day I want to throw one or two out.  It's like waiting for Christmas.   But my drive for imagining worst case scenarios is pretty tepid.  I dunno what's going to happen but I'l handle it and leave it at that.   

 

7 minutes ago, Thorin said:

All cheerfulness aside and seeing through to some of the struggle I see you doing relatively well.

I think so too.   I try to cut out the boring parts of tapering because I think we know it all too well.   Between you and me I'm not sure how I've managed.   I think what we're trying to do is genuinely heroic.   And worth it.   Some moments I've had were a gift.  

 

11 minutes ago, Thorin said:

Oh man voyeuristic dragons are the worst dragons

LMAO I'm not familiar but in my dream I got the vibe he was gonna have us for lunch.   Really glad I woke up.   

[j1290]

DAY 12  TGIF.  Well, at least it's my Friday, anyway.  Couldn't sleep much today but caught a few winks.  Therapy was pleasant to leave, as usual.   Great stuff but I'd rather be somewhere else.  Oh 3/10 headache/pressure usual stuff no pills no chill time for a nap.  

[littlebird]

19 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Well, at least it's my Friday, anyway.

 

TGIF to you and the Australian contingent! 

 

22 hours ago, Thorin said:

22 hours ago, j1290 said:

I had to run to a castle with a friend of mine and then as I showed them around the place the thing stared at us through a window and I woke up, thank goodness. 

Oh man voyeuristic dragons are the worst dragons.

 

Ooh, I'd say it's a good sign you were in a shelter and not vulnerable to attack in the dream. A dragon peering in the windows would be mighty intimidating, though!

 

What if the dream had gone on longer and the dragon said, "Hey, I heard you two talking about tapering meds, and my doctor has me on a real heavy dose, can we chat about what's worked for you?"

 

21 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Therapy was pleasant to leave, as usual.   Great stuff but I'd rather be somewhere else.

 

My brain read, "Therapy was pleasant, as usual," and thought, "Oh wow, that's awesome." Then brain caught what you meant. Ha! Yeah, the feeling of, "Done with this for now" is a good one. Good to do the work, good to pause the work till next time.

 

Hope the Warehouse is one of Fun for your Friday!

[Thorin]

28 minutes ago, j1290 said:

DAY 12  TGIF.  Well, at least it's my Friday, anyway.  Couldn't sleep much today but caught a few winks.  Therapy was pleasant to leave, as usual.   Great stuff but I'd rather be somewhere else.  Oh 3/10 headache/pressure usual stuff no pills no chill time for a nap.  

Therapy was pleasant to leave 😂

[j1290]

1 hour ago, littlebird said:

What if the dream had gone on longer and the dragon said, "Hey, I heard you two talking about tapering meds, and my doctor has me on a real heavy dose, can we chat about what's worked for you?"

 

heh I'm almost surprised I haven't had a dream like that before!  

 

1 hour ago, littlebird said:

the feeling of, "Done with this for now" is a good one

Nothing like the feeling of getting let off the hook!  This was me leaving: 

 

1 hour ago, littlebird said:

Hope the Warehouse is one of Fun for your Friday!

I got super lucky and was able to take a nap at lunch.   So in that respect, it has been great so far.

 

1 hour ago, Thorin said:

Therapy was pleasant to leave 😂

How's that for a positive spin?  Best part of the session.  

[Thorin]

43 minutes ago, j1290 said:

How's that for a positive spin?  Best part of the session.  

Mate you could make getting shot in the foot sound positive if you wanted 

[j1290]

Thought I'd go searching through Morrisey's catalog for some deep cuts and found one about getting off of ADs.  Because of course.  

 

[Fifree]

Good old Morrissey. No matter how down you may feel you can always count on him to be feeling worse. 

[j1290]

1 hour ago, Fifree said:

Good old Morrissey. No matter how down you may feel you can always count on him to be feeling worse. 

😂 you know Moz!   

 

[littlebird]

3 hours ago, Fifree said:

Good old Morrissey. No matter how down you may feel you can always count on him to be feeling worse. 

 

🤣

[j1290]

DAY 13  3/10 feels like a hangover Sunday.  Broke out another headache hat, I've got a rotation now of ice crowns.  My sleep schedule is rough so that surely adds to the situation.   Taking 1/4 of a Sumatriptan and we'll see if that helps.   No big.  Up to this point on this cut, things have been much easier overall, with:

 

1) very few extra meds

2) less irritability

3) even my bad days have been lighter

4) less emotional ups and downs

5) less vivid dreams

6) little overreacting or uninhibited speech

 

Therapy really stirred the pot and the bad sleep caught up with me today.  I'm still at a high enough dose to have symptoms, I can't expect to feel good yet, especially with my upside down schedule that I never felt great on even when I wasn't tapering.   

 

Just checked my tapering graph and indeed I've had no 4/10 days so far this cut, which is a new record.  Today's just an emotional and physical settling day.  I'll apply the Dr. Claire Weekes method and not judge it as it moves past.   This headache is just making me cranky.   

 

Looking forward to the result of the next couple cuts.  I'll be getting down to the end taper where I expect my body to let me know exactly how fast I can go.   I hope that's a friendly conversation.  

[j1290]

DAY 14  3/10  Unfortunately my sleep schedule has disintegrated.  I had to take half a sumatriptan and half a clonodine to try and knock out this persistent headache I've had for a few days, which helped me get some sleep.  Not the end of the world.  In my experience the wheels fall off after working a few months of overnights, so this is par for the course.     

 

I decided to space out my dose intervals more to see if that helps with the headaches.  Worth a shot.   

 

I had mood elevation the beginning of this cut, but thank heaven no days where I was super irritable or couldn't keep my inner dialogue from escaping.    As far as I can tell I've turned a corner for the moment at least.  It's a lot of energy to not let myself get frustrated at this headache, but my usual bad days I was able to get along just fine and interact with others like a normie.  Huge improvement.   I'm starting to get grounded

 

I think the psych effects are going to be less and less as I go down and more just pure WD from this drug.  My guess is that will look like elevation for a few days after a cut, followed by some emotional bumpiness/vivid dreams, then back to WD normal.   I also think by this time next month the headaches/pressure will be pretty minimal, so hopefully the worst of the physical side effects will be over.  

[Thorin]

7 minutes ago, j1290 said:

In my experience the wheels fall off after working a few months of overnights, so this is par for the course.   

Unpleasant but to be totally expected. Night shift wrecks most people!

 

8 minutes ago, j1290 said:

It's a lot of energy to not let myself get frustrated at this headache, but my usual bad days I was able to get along just fine and interact with others like a normie.  Huge improvement.

Mate that’s a massive improvement. Seems like there’s significant improvements nearly every cut.

[j1290]

6 minutes ago, Thorin said:

Mate that’s a massive improvement. Seems like there’s significant improvements nearly every cut.

Hey Thorin!  Thanks for the reminder, things are much improved.  I haven't actually had a single bad day this cut, except maybe today and that's just because I'm not used to having daily headaches anymore.   Overall I got no complaints.  

[Thorin]

28 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Hey Thorin!  Thanks for the reminder, things are much improved.  I haven't actually had a single bad day this cut, except maybe today and that's just because I'm not used to having daily headaches anymore.   Overall I got no complaints.  

Mate that’s huge. That’s the first time I’ve heard you say that! Good to hear!

[littlebird]

11 hours ago, Thorin said:

12 hours ago, j1290 said:

I haven't actually had a single bad day this cut, except maybe today and that's just because I'm not used to having daily headaches anymore.   Overall I got no complaints.  

Mate that’s huge. That’s the first time I’ve heard you say that! Good to hear!

 

WOOHOO, celebrating this!!!

[j1290]

DAY 15  3/10 Another headache day.  Throwing all the meds at it and I've been able to rest.  Been down this road before, it's a pain but just another day of tapering.  At least I'm at 140mg and don't have the mood elevation and whatnot of a higher dose.  

 

Feels like I'm getting back to WD Normal(hangover feeling, headache) faster.  Trying to be patient and remember that I have substantially improved, that I have less head pressure that was causing the irritability, etc.   I just gotta saddle up for another month and I should be much more comfortable.   

[littlebird]

6 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Another headache day.  Throwing all the meds at it and I've been able to rest.  Been down this road before, it's a pain but just another day of tapering.

 

This sucks, I'm sorry! There's nothing like a headache day.

 

6 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Trying to be patient and remember that I have substantially improved, that I have less head pressure that was causing the irritability, etc.   I just gotta saddle up for another month and I should be much more comfortable.

 

That's right, man! You're on your way, there have been improvements, and it's likely to get even better with time. Hope the headache kicks rocks and leaves you alone soon.

[Fifree]

1 hour ago, j1290 said:

Another headache day.  Throwing all the meds at it and I've been able to rest.

I think if you can get some rest it makes everything more bearable. Even if you just get some time away from the unpleasant symptoms.

 

Glad you're still improving on previous cuts. You're actually below the normal-high dose now. Kudos!

[Thorin]

1 hour ago, j1290 said:

Feels like I'm getting back to WD Normal(hangover feeling, headache) faster.  Trying to be patient and remember that I have substantially improved, that I have less head pressure that was causing the irritability, etc. 

I’ve seen you report some big improvements over the last few months man. I know it’s still difficult and uncomfortable but it seems to be getting better each cut. You’re flying through this taper!

[j1290]

1 hour ago, littlebird said:

This sucks, I'm sorry! There's nothing like a headache day.

Thanks Chief!   I'm trying to remember the good times.   Funny how hard it is to remember them on a bumpy day.  Therapy opened up a can of worms, too.   Really glad it did, but you know how it goes.   I'll listen to some Moz, he'll cheer me up, right?  😂 

 

1 hour ago, littlebird said:

That's right, man! You're on your way, there have been improvements, and it's likely to get even better with time. Hope the headache kicks rocks and leaves you alone soon.

I appreciate that!  I'm totally getting through now that I broke out the hard stuff and I'm working so it's a distraction.   I'm a little rusty at headache mitigation but I'm getting back into the swing of it.  Gimme 30 days and I'll be home free, or, you know, at least a little better 😆

13 minutes ago, Fifree said:

I think if you can get some rest it makes everything more bearable. Even if you just get some time away from the unpleasant symptoms.

Thanks Fifree, you're so right.   I'm glad I threw in the towel and got some rest so I can have a clearer head.  I definitely needed a break.  

 

9 minutes ago, Thorin said:

1 hour ago, j1290 said:

 

I’ve seen you report some big improvements over the last few months man. I know it’s still difficult and uncomfortable but it seems to be getting better each cut. You’re flying through this taper!

I had the biggest laugh thinking about what my uncensored reply to this would be.   Doesn't bear revealing, but evidently I crack myself up 😂   Thanks man it really is getting better.  When my rest gets upside down like this my thinking gets kinda rubbish.      Rationally speaking, all things considered things are going pretty well.  👊

 

46 minutes ago, Fifree said:

Glad you're still improving on previous cuts. You're actually below the normal-high dose now. Kudos!

You're right, under 150mg and into new territory!

 

[Thorin]

13 hours ago, j1290 said:

Funny how hard it is to remember them on a bumpy day.

Tell me about it. It’s often you guys that let me know I’m just in a bad spot and it’s not life.

 

13 hours ago, j1290 said:

Therapy opened up a can of worms, too. 

Oh yeah. Know that one

 

13 hours ago, j1290 said:

I'll listen to some Moz, he'll cheer me up,

Cheeriest of the cheery. Will definitely pick you up 😂

 

14 hours ago, j1290 said:

had the biggest laugh thinking about what my uncensored reply to this would be.   Doesn't bear revealing, but evidently I crack myself up 😂

Makes me laugh to know you crack yourself up 😂

 

14 hours ago, j1290 said:

When my rest gets upside down like this my thinking gets kinda rubbish.      Rationally speaking, all things considered things are going pretty well.  👊

Lack of rest kills me man. How long you on third shift for?

[j1290]

DAY 16  3/10 Headache.  Fashion is out the window as the headache hat becomes the hottest new accessory in my wardrobe.  Along with joggers as I've gained 20 pounds since getting off this appetite suppressant 😂 but so it is.  Still have that hungover, WD normal feeling but I got some good-ish sleep today and feeling much more engaged.  Makes me appreciate the mental clarity that I have the first week or so after a cut.  I won't miss this fog a bit.   

 

I had to take a ton of pills the last 3 days, but they still weren't 4/10.   Today was a 4/10 last month, and I'm at a 3/10 this month and don't need pills today, so I'll take it as a win.   Nobody promised me that tapering was fun and easy, lemon squeezy.  

[littlebird]

34 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Fashion is out the window as the headache hat becomes the hottest new accessory in my wardrobe.  Along with joggers

 

OR you're setting fashions and we'll see headache hats and athleisure on the runways. I do maintain there should be a headache hat that's cute enough to pass as a regular hat. We can't have a baggy beanie that is secretly full of ice packs? C'mon fashion.

 

35 minutes ago, j1290 said:

I got some good-ish sleep today and feeling much more engaged.

 

Yay for sleep! So glad to hear.

 

38 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Today was a 4/10 last month, and I'm at a 3/10 this month and don't need pills today, so I'll take it as a win.

 

Heck yeah. Even in tough times, I still see you logging wins and progress and hopeful signs. You stay winning!

[Thorin]

1 hour ago, j1290 said:

Along with joggers as I've gained 20 pounds since getting off this appetite suppressant 😂 but so it is.

Oh man you too? 😂 My choccy intake is through the roof!

 

1 hour ago, j1290 said:

I had to take a ton of pills the last 3 days, but they still weren't 4/10.   Today was a 4/10 last month, and I'm at a 3/10 this month and don't need pills today, so I'll take it as a win. 

Hopefully you’re out the other side of the particularly difficult part. Definitely a win.

 

1 hour ago, j1290 said:

Nobody promised me that tapering was fun and easy, lemon squeezy.  

Nah man it’s crap, crap lemon crap.

[littlebird]

9 minutes ago, Thorin said:

My choccy intake is through the roof!

 

I have eaten literal pounds of chocolate lately. I'm craving it like no other! It sounds like ADs affect hormones, got me wondering if WD has us craving chocolate like PMS has folks crave it when they're starting their periods?

 

Craving chocolate does also seem to be related to having low magnesium levels, and since starting a magnesium supplement today I'm not fiending as hard as I usually would be this time of night. Successfully leaving chocolate chip bag closed.

 

Also, could be that I started eating sugar to cope with trauma pretty young. My first drug! Definitely coming head to head with that less than healthy coping skill lately... but specifically craving chocolate in WD seems like it's a thing.

[j1290]

38 minutes ago, littlebird said:

OR you're setting fashions and we'll see headache hats and athleisure on the runways.

haha you had me at athleisure!  That's me for sure!  I consider it a perk of the nightshift.  

 

38 minutes ago, littlebird said:

Heck yeah. Even in tough times, I still see you logging wins and progress and hopeful signs. You stay winning!

You're terrif.  Thanks man!

 

3 minutes ago, Thorin said:

Oh man you too? 😂 My choccy intake is through the roof!

Found a really great donut shop that keeps my hours.  Nutella filled donuts, freaking awesome.   I think tapering and food intake are connected in some way, if even just as a cope.  Knocking back some nutella and pretzel sticks right now.  Wish I'd never found this stuff 😂

 

9 minutes ago, Thorin said:

Hopefully you’re out the other side of the particularly difficult part. Definitely a win.

I hope so too.  I just want to feel good enough to continue the taper.   By that I mean I want no discomfort whatsoever 😄

16 minutes ago, Thorin said:

Nah man it’s crap, crap lemon crap.

Truth!

[Thorin]

1 minute ago, littlebird said:

I have eaten literal pounds of chocolate lately. I'm craving it like no other! It sounds like ADs affect hormones, got me wondering if WD has us craving chocolate like PMS has folks crave it when they're starting their periods?

Yep I’ve been eating heaps every night. There’s a craving for it and a desire for something that ‘feels’ good. In the short term anyway. Need to swap the chocolate out for lettuce or whatever an appropriate healthy alternative is 😂

 

2 minutes ago, littlebird said:

Craving chocolate does also seem to be related to having low magnesium levels, and since starting a magnesium supplement today I'm not fiending as hard as I usually would be this time of night. Successfully leaving chocolate chip bag closed.

I’ve been supplementing with good mag for a while now. Not sure this is the case for me.

 

3 minutes ago, littlebird said:

Also, could be that I started eating sugar to cope with trauma pretty young. My first drug! Definitely coming head to head with that less than healthy coping skill lately... but specifically craving chocolate in WD seems like it's a thing.

If the worse thing I’m doing for a while is eating too much chocolate I’ll live with it. In general I’m pretty healthy atm

[Thorin]

4 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Nutella filled donuts, freaking awesome.   I think tapering and food intake are connected in some way, if even just as a cope.  Knocking back some nutella and pretzel sticks right now

Damn now I want Nutella and/or donuts but I CANNOT be bothered leaving the house. What a conundrum. Wonder if my partner will grab some when she finishes work. Dammit John! 😂

 

5 minutes ago, j1290 said:

I hope so too.  I just want to feel good enough to continue the taper.   By that I mean I want no discomfort whatsoever 😄

22 minutes ago, Thorin said:

Haha that’s my daily goal. Utter happiness and zero discomfort. So far I’m failing at achieving my goals completely 😂