j1290: gets off the Wellbutrin and on with life!

[littlebird]

29 minutes ago, Thorin said:

Some kind of information about what to expect would’ve been nice.

 

Wishing I'd read the pamphlets that came with these things! Or had doctors be upfront about risks.

[Thorin]

Just now, littlebird said:

 

Wishing I'd read the pamphlets that came with these things! Or had doctors be upfront about risks.

I’m not sure they even know all the risks…. Which makes me think they shouldn’t be prescribing it….. Having said that they do know SOME of the risks and I wasn’t advised if ANY of them…..

[littlebird]

10 minutes ago, Thorin said:

Having said that they do know SOME of the risks and I wasn’t advised if ANY of them…..

 

Nah, it was "side effects usually go away after time on meds, give it more time." Or "there's another med that helps with that, let's polydrug."

[Thorin]

1 minute ago, littlebird said:

 

Nah, it was "side effects usually go away after time on meds, give it more time." Or "there's another med that helps with that, let's polydrug."

This is exactly how it was. Strangely no one mentioned it could take years to wean off the crap. I probably would have led with that but what do I know 🤷‍♂️. Also ‘therapy may be helpful’ would’ve been appreciated too….. grrrrrrrrrrrrr I’m turning green and the rage is climbing….. Change the subject!

[littlebird]

9 minutes ago, Thorin said:

Strangely no one mentioned it could take years to wean off the crap. I probably would have led with that but what do I know 🤷‍♂️

 

Yup!!!! Given how often I've heard, "You can cold turkey that no problem," and "lower the dose for a week or two, then stop," I don't think doctors know. Should be part of psych-school from here on out, and I'd also love to see psych meds become a last resort and not first aid for all.

 

11 minutes ago, Thorin said:

Change the subject!

 

Okay! After weeks away, I put a hummingbird feeder back out in my window and my lil friends started coming back. Gonna try to pull myself together and put more out tomorrow for my friends, it's the season where some are nesting and I get a nectar with minerals to help egg production (and flower essences because my lil babies get the best).

 

Once I started putting this nectar out, they started hanging around and singing. As much as I'd like to think it was songs of, "Thanks, this is yummy," it were probably, "This is my territory, everyone stay away or I'll stab you with my tiny beak." 

[Thorin]

14 minutes ago, littlebird said:

Okay! After weeks away, I put a hummingbird feeder back out in my window and my lil friends started coming back. Gonna try to pull myself together and put more out tomorrow for my friends, it's the season where some are nesting and I get a nectar with minerals to help egg production (and flower essences because my lil babies get the best).

 

Once I started putting this nectar out, they started hanging around and singing. As much as I'd like to think it was songs of, "Thanks, this is yummy," it were probably, "This is my territory, everyone stay away or I'll stab you with my tiny beak."

Man I love hummingbirds. Really wish we had them here. Such a cool little creature even if they are super aggressive 😂 We occasionally get reports of them here but it always turns out to be this moth species that looks very similar to a Hummingbird. Bit of useless info from Oz. Would love if you can post a photo of one of your Hummingbirds when they turn up!

[littlebird]

6 minutes ago, Thorin said:

We occasionally get reports of them here but it always turns out to be this moth species that looks very similar to a Hummingbird.

 

Saw something like that in Florida! Weirded me out, it looked exactly like an extra tiny hummingbird... at night. 

 

I'll try to get a good shot of the cuties! Been wanting to capture how the afternoon sun makes the feathers on the Anna's Hummingbirds extra brilliant. If I had one of these babies it would be easy!

[Thorin]

1 minute ago, littlebird said:

 

Saw something like that in Florida! Weirded me out, it looked exactly like an extra tiny hummingbird... at night. 

 

I'll try to get a good shot of the cuties! Been wanting to capture how the afternoon sun makes the feathers on the Anna's Hummingbirds extra brilliant. If I had one of these babies it would be easy!

Oh man that’s super cool. Makes me wish I had Hummingbirds AND one of those. I need to find a photo of one of these moths….

[Thorin]

Here it is Hummingbird Australian style

[Thorin]

Haha just realised we’re using John’s thread. We’ve got to the point where we’re just randomly sharing threads now. Love it!

[littlebird]

Oops!! Hi John, we love and appreciate you! Please hijack us and interject what you want to talk about (or tell us to scram). 

 

That company's regular bird feeders takes some pretty detailed pictures and I've been coveting one for ages. Dang, I should have added one to the wedding registry!

[j1290]

23 hours ago, littlebird said:

 

That company's regular bird feeders takes some pretty detailed pictures and I've been coveting one for ages. Dang, I should have added one to the wedding registry!

WHAT IS THIS?!?!?  How did I not know about this before?!?  I haven't had a bird feeder in a few years but I would get one of these in a second.   That's so cool!

[littlebird]

18 minutes ago, j1290 said:

WHAT IS THIS?!?!?  How did I not know about this before?!?  I haven't had a bird feeder in a few years but I would get one of these in a second.   That's so cool!

 

My mom has one with a solar-panel roof, she loves it. I'm super impressed with how high quality the pictures are! 

[j1290]

11 minutes ago, littlebird said:

My mom has one with a solar-panel roof, she loves it. I'm super impressed with how high quality the pictures are!

Really!!   It's such a cool idea, I love stuff like this.  I would take photos of hummingbirds at my feeder through the window but surely they're better up close, and I never get tired of looking at their feathers in different light.  

[j1290]

DAY 18  Super glad I have my notebook to look back on.  I feel just like a previous Day 18, except less intense so I'm not irritable and snappy, which is so much better.  I'm far from good but much improved. 

 

I'm trying to keep my head on the rational side of things and remember that things have steadily improved ever since I began tapering, and I can quantify that because just a few months ago I took fractions of migraine pills nearly daily to get by, and the last few months I'm down to maybe 1 per month total.  My head pressure is significantly reduced.  That used to cause me to be irritable and frustrated, and I have my days, but not to that degree.  I am still heavily affected by these meds and it causes me dizziness and lightheadedness and whatnot, but that's a side effect of the med and will continue to decrease as I taper.   

 

I think the most rewarding, and toughest part, is yet to come.   

[j1290]

DAY 19 3/10, same as that previous taper.  Lost of weird anxiety and neuro emotions and whatnot this morning, but without as much of the irritability as I was a few months ago. It's the evening now and I feel much better.  I'm not exactly YOLOing but I'm treading water, and as much as I might prefer otherwise, it's enough for now.  Tomorrow night I'm back to the EMDR therapy and looking forward to it.  It's not the process I like but I feel like I'm getting some traction and moving forward, at least in that part of my life.  

[Thorin]

3 hours ago, j1290 said:

Lost of weird anxiety and neuro emotions and whatnot this morning, but without as much of the irritability as I was a few months ago.

Can relate to this very well

 

3 hours ago, j1290 said:

Tomorrow night I'm back to the EMDR therapy and looking forward to it.  It's not the process I like but I feel like I'm getting some traction and moving forward, at least in that part of my life. 

It’s amazing how effective it is. Does the process get easier with time or is it always a bit brutal?

[j1290]

4 hours ago, Thorin said:

Can relate to this very well

I'd be lying if I said the neuro emotions hadn't rattled me this week 🤪  Last couple days were close to a panic attack, including this morning.  The good news is I snapped out of it to a good degree this afternoon and when I was assigned another complex task outside my normal routine I think I did it with less anxiety than I ever have before.  Usually I default to ruminating about my parents when I'm under a lot of pressure, and there really wasn't a lot of that today.   

 

I was really glad because it confirmed that neuro emotions are just that, and I'm having less anxiety with fewer pills and the EMDR.  This complex task was also a good evaluation of my memory and cognition improvement.  When I did it last year, I was on a lot more meds and had more difficulty with memory and mathematics.  Tonight I busted it out like nothing and was less frustrated with small hiccups.  I barely even cursed. 😄  It's really nice to feel less stressed than I've been this last week.  

 

4 hours ago, Thorin said:

It’s amazing how effective it is. Does the process get easier with time or is it always a bit brutal?

My therapist said it's as close to magic as it gets.  I think he has a point.  I think it's no longer brutal but yucky, as I get into some really shame based stuff.  

 

How is it for you, are you still in the thick of it?   I'll never forget the dread I used to feel driving to that session.   The cool thing is, there is an end to that, or at least there was for me for the heavy stuff.  

[Thorin]

12 hours ago, j1290 said:

I'd be lying if I said the neuro emotions hadn't rattled me this week 🤪  Last couple days were close to a panic attack, including this morning

Oh man I’m sorry to hear that. I know exactly what you’re talking about! It’s horrible. If you’re like me you start to stress that that’s how you’ll feel from now on. Then you realise you’re ok again…..

 

12 hours ago, j1290 said:

The good news is I snapped out of it to a good degree this afternoon and when I was assigned another complex task outside my normal routine I think I did it with less anxiety than I ever have before.  Usually I default to ruminating about my parents when I'm under a lot of pressure, and there really wasn't a lot of that today.   

Mate that’s an excellent sign! You’re improving so much even just in the time since we connected on here. You’re headed for a good place I can tell.

 

12 hours ago, j1290 said:

I was really glad because it confirmed that neuro emotions are just that, and I'm having less anxiety with fewer pills and the EMDR.  This complex task was also a good evaluation of my memory and cognition improvement.  When I did it last year, I was on a lot more meds and had more difficulty with memory and mathematics.  Tonight I busted it out like nothing and was less frustrated with small hiccups.  I barely even cursed. 😄  It's really nice to feel less stressed than I've been this last week.  

Mate that is massive and is clear evidence that you’re improving and on a good path. Funny timing that you’re mentioning this now. Something happened yesterday that previously would’ve sent me into throws of anxiety. On this lower dose it barely fazed me. And I sorted the problem without getting panicked which shows that the anxiety really doesn’t actually help anything.

 

12 hours ago, j1290 said:

My therapist said it's as close to magic as it gets.  I think he has a point.  I think it's no longer brutal but yucky, as I get into some really shame based stuff.  

Oh man that shame based stuff is gut wrenching. It’s one of the sharpest things to tackle because you have to face it head on and feel the shame, in front of someone else. But it’s the only way that reduce the shame.

next month I will be doing this therapy with my therapist who is apprenticed to Saj Razvi. It’s meant to work wonders for relational wounding and shame. You should check him out on YouTube. He films his sessions to teach others. Crazy stuff! I have to be ‘stable’ for it and my therapist asked this morning if I’d be willing to put off my taper until we’ve done the first two sessions next month to see how I go….. currently considering her request. I really want to get off this ****, but if this stuff works the way she says it is with her other clients then it’s worth waiting one more month……

12 hours ago, j1290 said:

How is it for you, are you still in the thick of it?   I'll never forget the dread I used to feel driving to that session.   The cool thing is, there is an end to that, or at least there was for me for the heavy stuff.  

So this is an excellent question and the answer is yes, I am still in the thick of it but (and we talked about this in therapy this morning) she can see that I’m making a lot of progress. There’s less shame and fear and more connections with people. But she says that I still deserve better and she wants to see me improve much more. There’s still a long road to go but if I’m improving then I’m ok with that.

[j1290]

4 minutes ago, Thorin said:

If you’re like me you start to stress that that’s how you’ll feel from now on. Then you realise you’re ok again…..

 

bwahahaha!!!!  That's *exactly* what I was thinking!!!  zOMG am I going to be super nervous and weird forever now?!?!  and it carried into the next day and by the next evening I felt like I'd taken a chill pill and was much less nervous.  What a roller coaster.  Today is better still, thank heaven.   I read Brassmonkey tell Go2zero that his rough patch was just part of tapering, that he didn't do anything wrong, just the windows and waves business.   Well, this month was a wave.  I'm just so happy to not feel chemically anxious today, (despite some business challenges that I could definitely be anxious about), just being level feels like a vacation.  

 

11 minutes ago, Thorin said:

Mate that’s an excellent sign! You’re improving so much even just in the time since we connected on here. You’re headed for a good place I can tell.

Thanks for reminding me, man.  It's easy to miss the forrest through the trees.  I don't feel unmedicated, but today is probably as close to it as I've felt in decades, with minimal side effects.  I know it'll probably change tomorrow, but a good day or two is just what my nerves needed.   One day we're going to be normies!  One day.

 

16 minutes ago, Thorin said:

Something happened yesterday that previously would’ve sent me into throws of anxiety. On this lower dose it barely fazed me. And I sorted the problem without getting panicked which shows that the anxiety really doesn’t actually help anything.

 

Boy, do I know what the throws of anxiety feel like.   I'd get it at like 11/10 scale, and didn't even realize meds played a role.  The panic makes everything 1000 times harder.   If only I had an easy fix for it, besides meds.  I'm super happy for you, man.  They tell me success builds upon success, and it sounds like handling things with less anxiety is beginning to be your new normal.  Hats off to both of us! 🥳🕺🍸🍻  Some of the best advice I ever got was to celebrate the wins.  Guess I should take that advice too hahaha!!!

24 minutes ago, Thorin said:

but if this stuff works the way she says it is with her other clients then it’s worth waiting one more month……

I'm looking forward to hearing your report.  I can imagine how this might be a really effective therapy.  Makes sense about wanting to be stable to do this.  I'm sure whatever decision you make will be fine.  My personal reason for not doing long holds etc is because the side effects I get day to day are uncomfortable.  

 

46 minutes ago, Thorin said:

There’s less shame and fear and more connections with people.

That sounds like removing the roadblocks to happiness to me.   Nice work!

 

47 minutes ago, Thorin said:

But she says that I still deserve better and she wants to see me improve much more. There’s still a long road to go but if I’m improving then I’m ok with that.

Seems fair to me.  I'm tempted to take a much deserved break from it, but probably better to soldier on.  

[littlebird]

4 hours ago, Thorin said:

next month I will be doing this therapy with my therapist who is apprenticed to Saj Razvi. It’s meant to work wonders for relational wounding and shame.

 

Dude, let me know what you think! 

 

4 hours ago, j1290 said:

4 hours ago, Thorin said:

There’s less shame and fear and more connections with people.

That sounds like removing the roadblocks to happiness to me.   Nice work!

 

I was just thinking about this. Instead of thinking, "I want to be happy," I started thinking about removing the roadblocks to letting the happiness come.

 

4 hours ago, j1290 said:

Well, this month was a wave.  I'm just so happy to not feel chemically anxious today, (despite some business challenges that I could definitely be anxious about), just being level feels like a vacation.

 

Boo, I'm sorry you're waving this month. Glad you feel less chemically anxious! Sounds like you're moving in the right direction.

 

 

[j1290]

DAY 20  3/10 Felt great earlier today, with little side effects and woke up without morning anxiety or anything.  As close to feeling unmedicated as I've been in years.  Symptoms crept up as the evening came on but that wasn't unexpected.  Really glad to have records of previous cuts to see the windows and waves of the process and the overall trend of improvement.  I'm still emotionally fragile but seeming to get better every day.  Some cuts are easier than others, and now that I'm about 3/4 way through this one I think I can call it a success.  Looking forward to seeing what the next week feels like, if my headache situation is similar to last month or improves.  I think each cut going forward will be a mixed bag of symptoms and not easy, but I think the side effects of the lowered dose will trend down really noticeably at least.  

 

I wear this compression hat every minute that I'm outside of public view, even to bed.  It really is a game changer.  That said, I'm looking forward to not having to do that anymore.   

 

Also talked to Dr. Shipko.  He was as positive as he gets, which is to say with the caveat that I may have to reinstate after tapering to zero just to maintain due to how long I've been on this stuff.  It's a valid point and I hope I don't have to.  

 

EDIT:  Long post tonight I guess.  Did EMDR tonight.  My Therapist could tell I was improving cognitively, which of course I knew but it's nice to hear from an outside source.  Things went in a totally unexpected direction with the EMDR.  I surprised myself at the energy I had in that subject.  It was a really sensitive issue and I'm glad we got to discuss it.  Well worth doing.  We'll see if I continue to have some relief from the headaches this next week as I get back to WD normal, but I think I'll have at least some improvement.  

 

I just realized as I entered my last dose in my journal today that in the last 8 months since I started with my alarms and whatnot, I think I've only been worried about missing a dose a few times, I don't think I actually have or I've just been late with one.  I know a few years ago I'd regularly forget if I took my once per day dose or not, because its become so rote I don't even realize I'm taking it.   

 

I don't think my healing will be done the instant I'm finished tapering.  I think it'll still take many months for my brain to recover.  However, after I get to zero, I don't have to take pills anymore(unless I have to reinstate due to rebound, but that's another story).  The idea of leaving town and not worrying about pills sounds like a dream.  Such a simple thing but gosh it'd be amazing.   

[Thorin]

23 hours ago, j1290 said:

zOMG am I going to be super nervous and weird forever now?!?!  and it carried into the next day and by the next evening I felt like I'd taken a chill pill and was much less nervous.  What a roller coaster. 

This is often my experience….. it continually chops and changes. Who knows where it will end up in the end 🤷‍♂️ I wonder if it becomes clearer on lower doses or not until you’re off completely?

 

23 hours ago, j1290 said:

Well, this month was a wave.  I'm just so happy to not feel chemically anxious today, (despite some business challenges that I could definitely be anxious about), just being level feels like a vacation.  

It’s never permanent. Just check in with us when you’re feeling rough. Odds are we’ve felt exactly the same and it’s passed at some stage……. Sometimes just hearing that is enough to get me through it.

 

23 hours ago, j1290 said:

I don't feel unmedicated, but today is probably as close to it as I've felt in decades, with minimal side effects.  I know it'll probably change tomorrow, but a good day or two is just what my nerves needed.   One day we're going to be normies!  One day.

You’re probably going to feel medicated for a little while longer. Lowest ‘therapeutic dose’ for me is 20mg. I’m at 14 and still feel the effects. Nowhere near as bad though. I think a couple more drops and the medicated feeling will be gone…… mate we are going to be normies one day. We’ll get there.

 

23 hours ago, j1290 said:

Boy, do I know what the throws of anxiety feel like.   I'd get it at like 11/10 scale, and didn't even realize meds played a role.  The panic makes everything 1000 times harder.   If only I had an easy fix for it, besides meds.  I'm super happy for you, man.  They tell me success builds upon success, and it sounds like handling things with less anxiety is beginning to be your new normal.  Hats off to both of us! 🥳🕺🍸🍻  Some of the best advice I ever got was to celebrate the wins.  Guess I should take that advice too hahaha!!!

Anxiety is the absolute worst. But we’re both doing well! We’re handling our anxiety when it comes!

 

23 hours ago, j1290 said:

Seems fair to me.  I'm tempted to take a much deserved break from it, but probably better to soldier on. 

Same, I work very hard at my therapy. Not giving up on it any time soon. Looking forward to the days where I feel good enough that I can take a break….. one day

[j1290]

5 minutes ago, Thorin said:

This is often my experience….. it continually chops and changes. Who knows where it will end up in the end 🤷‍♂️ I wonder if it becomes clearer on lower doses or not until you’re off completely?

Only one way to find out.   The only thing I have a guess about is that I think my brain will continue to readjust for a long time after getting to zero.  Hopefully comfortably haha

 

14 minutes ago, Thorin said:

Sometimes just hearing that is enough to get me through it.

 

This is so true.  Amazing what a difference it makes.  Thanks for reminding me it's never permanent.   I know it's ridiculous but it *feels* like it will be at any given time.  Easy to get swept up in emotion.  

 

25 minutes ago, Thorin said:

You’re probably going to feel medicated for a little while longer. Lowest ‘therapeutic dose’ for me is 20mg. I’m at 14 and still feel the effects. Nowhere near as bad though. I think a couple more drops and the medicated feeling will be gone…… mate we are going to be normies one day. We’ll get there.

That's good to know, although I wouldn't wish it on you ofc.  I think I'm going to have to get much closer to zero to really start to feel in the range of unmedicated.  Any kind of respite is a reason to celebrate till I get there.  

 

42 minutes ago, Thorin said:

Anxiety is the absolute worst. But we’re both doing well! We’re handling our anxiety when it comes!

Not even kidding, I don't know how I do it.  Despite the struggles, I couldn't be happier with my decision to taper.  I didn't realize how affected I was by the side effects until now.  

 

44 minutes ago, Thorin said:

Same, I work very hard at my therapy. Not giving up on it any time soon. Looking forward to the days where I feel good enough that I can take a break….. one day

After last night's unexpected direction, I need to stick with it.  It's funny what you find after you turn over these rocks.  I have a lot of blind spots for sure.  

[j1290]

DAY 21 3/10  Emotions are up and down, with some flareups of irritability that I will not miss when I eventually no longer have them.   I just looked at a summary of Bup side effects and it's right up there as common.  That said, compared to my last wave in January, I'm still much improved, so there's proof that as I taper things will get easier, thank goodness.   

 

I still can't believe what came out in my EMDR session last night.  It's mundane but I didn't realize the depth of feeling I still have on that subject.  An issue I had today on an unrelated topic that caused outsize emotion tapped right into that same well of emotion.  It's unsettling but I'm glad we're doing this and if I don't want to continue to have this come out in weird ways it needs to be done.   Difficult and challenging to do, but this is worth it.  

[j1290]

DAY 22  3/10 Just re-reading waves and windows topic and I am definitely in a wave, and it was really good to read that it's normal to feel like you've always been in a wave and always will be.   My new term I picked up is having "emotional inconsistencies".  That would describe me.  I think shift work is an additional stressor.  Should be done with that in about a month.  

 

I've felt windows and waves ever since I upset the applecart Dec. '21 and switched from XL to IR at full dose and held for 6 months.  I guess nobody promised me tapering would be convenient😊

[Thorin]

52 minutes ago, j1290 said:

DAY 22  3/10 Just re-reading waves and windows topic and I am definitely in a wave, and it was really good to read that it's normal to feel like you've always been in a wave and always will be.   My new term I picked up is having "emotional inconsistencies".  That would describe me.  I think shift work is an additional stressor.  Should be done with that in about a month.  

 

I've felt windows and waves ever since I upset the applecart Dec. '21 and switched from XL to IR at full dose and held for 6 months.  I guess nobody promised me tapering would be convenient😊

That sucks mate. Sorry to hear that. I’ve found acceptance, patience and faith that you’ll come out of it eventually have helped get me through. Waves are horrible but they’re not permanent by any means…

[Fifree]

Sorry you’re in a wave John. Hope it passes soon. Try and ride it as best you can I guess.

It will pass.

 

You’ve come so far on this journey - you’re down from 450 to 100. No harm on hanging out here for a while, while things settle down for you - which they will. 

 

Check in here whenever you’re able and we’ll try and distract you. 
 

May I suggest the seagull for this week’s bird? Check out these cool characters.

 

[j1290]

8 hours ago, Thorin said:

That sucks mate. Sorry to hear that. I’ve found acceptance, patience and faith that you’ll come out of it eventually have helped get me through. Waves are horrible but they’re not permanent by any means…

Thanks mate.  All part of the deal.  This could be much more difficult than it is, and things have improved substantially.   Glad I read that article that said I'd have difficulty with things that would normally be easier, because it's so true.  

 

21 minutes ago, Fifree said:

Sorry you’re in a wave John. Hope it passes soon. Try and ride it as best you can I guess.

It will pass.

Thanks, @Fifree!  It will pass for sure.  

 

23 minutes ago, Fifree said:

You’ve come so far on this journey - you’re down from 450 to 100. No harm on hanging out here for a while, while things settle down for you - which they will. 

Very good idea.  I need to get some traction.  This too shall pass.  

30 minutes ago, Fifree said:

May I suggest the seagull for this week’s bird? Check out these cool characters.

I absolutely love it.  Done!   Thanks for the cute vid!

[RachelSusan]

@j1290 Sorry to hear about the wave. So park here for a little while and ride those waves until they stop coming. We can start calling your suffer dude. You've done so well through-out this difficult journey, you've got this my friend. I hope it all passes quickly.

 

 

Edited April 9, 2023 by RachelSusan
bad terrible typos

[littlebird]

6 hours ago, Fifree said:

May I suggest the seagull for this week’s bird? Check out these cool characters.

 

Surfing seagulls!!! That's how I want to be. Also that sounds like a curse from old times, "Jumping jehoshaphat! Surfing seagulls!!"

 

Sorry to hear about your wave, John! Right there with you in that water. Hoping we get to remember what windows are like soon!

[Thorin]

58 minutes ago, littlebird said:

Surfing seagulls!!! That's how I want to be. Also that sounds like a curse from old times, "Jumping jehoshaphat! Surfing seagulls!

Absolutely love this and will be using it from now on. My kids will hate it 😂. Thanks LB!

 

Hope you’re doing ok there John. It’s a matter of one foot in front of the other until the wave passes. And as much self care as you can muster. The rest will take care of itself. Based on my own experience I wouldn’t make another drop until the wave has settled or it will intensify. But if you just sit tight for a short time your brain will do its thing and heal and you’ll be back on your way!

[littlebird]

2 hours ago, Thorin said:

3 hours ago, littlebird said:

Surfing seagulls!!! That's how I want to be. Also that sounds like a curse from old times, "Jumping jehoshaphat! Surfing seagulls!

Absolutely love this and will be using it from now on. My kids will hate it 😂. Thanks LB!

 

It might take off in an ironic way! 😂

 

2 hours ago, Thorin said:

It’s a matter of one foot in front of the other until the wave passes. And as much self care as you can muster. The rest will take care of itself. Based on my own experience I wouldn’t make another drop until the wave has settled or it will intensify. But if you just sit tight for a short time your brain will do its thing and heal and you’ll be back on your way!

 

Good advice all around! The self care really is important, which bumps into my "I don't deserve time or care" nonsense and internalized capitalist telling me to be productive at all times. How has adding more self care in been going for y'all? 

[j1290]

6 hours ago, RachelSusan said:

Sorry to hear about the wave. So park here for a little while and ride those waves until they stop coming. We can start calling your suffer dude. You've done so well through-out this difficult journey, you've got this my friend. I hope it all passes quickly.

Thank you so much, @RachelSusan!   I'm officially calling myself the SSRI-Surfer now, thank you very much!  😁🙄😂. Talk about one of those jokes that if you know, you know heh!  From what I read one day the windows get so long you don't have waves anymore.   Might be a minute, but one day...

 

5 hours ago, littlebird said:

Surfing seagulls!!! That's how I want to be.

They're pretty cool, huh?  I never would have thought of that but I love it. 

 

5 hours ago, littlebird said:

Hoping we get to remember what windows are like soon!

You know it.  Then I'll start thinking tapering isn't all that bad, what's the fuss about?!?   😆. If this matches a previous taper, I should have a couple better days coming up, so fingers crossed.  I've gone through so much more difficult stuff.  Sometimes the waves feel bigger than they are.    As always, appreciate the support!

 

4 hours ago, Thorin said:

My kids will hate it 😂.

ahahahaha this made me LOL good times. .  

 

4 hours ago, Thorin said:

It’s a matter of one foot in front of the other until the wave passes.

You said it.  Watched a video today that talked about a buzzword that annoys me but fits, radical acceptance.   Certain things I don't have to like, but accepting and moving forward is the solution.   Feels like it applies to tapering right now.   This is the time to rest up and gather my strength for a bit.  

 

1 hour ago, littlebird said:

Good advice all around! The self care really is important, which bumps into my "I don't deserve time or care" nonsense and internalized capitalist telling me to be productive at all times.

I can so relate to this.   Being less productive than I like bugs me more than I'd like to acknowledge.   

[littlebird]

11 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Being less productive than I like bugs me more than I'd like to acknowledge.

 

Oof, me too. I feel so guilty for resting or taking time to enjoy myself, working on this big time.

[Fifree]

 

3 hours ago, j1290 said:

radical acceptance. 

I finally listened to a Dr Claire Weekes audio this week and it was amazing in the «radical acceptance» department. Anxiety makes you feel like you need to take action, but you actually don’t. Whaaaaat? She was way ahead of her time. 
 

Personally I also got a big kick out of her accent - that terrrrribly well-spoken Orstrrrralian eccent which all the newsreaders had when I was a child, but you seldom hear these days. That by itself was enough to relax me. 
 

Hope you’re able to relax a bit over the weekend. We have a long wkd here in Oz and I hope you do too.