j1290: gets off the Wellbutrin and on with life!

[littlebird]

6 minutes ago, j1290 said:

If I had to I could try some pills but so far I can get by without them.   It's a hangover feeling Sunday.   Last month on this day I had to break out all the pills, so things are getting better, and will be even better next month still.

 

Great news!! Glad you're able to get through the headaches without pills, but I hope those pesky things leave you alone altogether soon.

[Thorin]

18 minutes ago, j1290 said:

DAY 16  4/10 headache stuff/pressure.  Lame but not unexpected.  If I had to I could try some pills but so far I can get by without them.   It's a hangover feeling Sunday.   Last month on this day I had to break out all the pills, so things are getting better, and will be even better next month still.  Can't wait.   Tomorrow should be one more bad day and I'm home free for the rest of this month.  

Sorry you had a 4/10 day mate. Pretty awesome you were able to get through it without pills! Sounds like you’re nearly out of the immediate storm.

[j1290]

5 minutes ago, Thorin said:

Sorry you had a 4/10 day mate. Pretty awesome you were able to get through it without pills! Sounds like you’re nearly out of the immediate storm.

 

Thanks, bud!   Lord knows I've had worse hangover days 😂  If I really had to manage around people today I might have had to resort to them but not so far.  When I look at previous notes, things are so much easier than they used to be, I feel like I'm quibbling.  I'm almost out of the rough and onto the fairway.   Next month, I think things will be easier still.  

18 minutes ago, littlebird said:

Great news!! Glad you're able to get through the headaches without pills, but I hope those pesky things leave you alone altogether soon.

Thanks Littlebird!   I'm sure you know the feeling, the less pills the better.  Holy macaroni, at the end of this I won't have any pills I have to take that would be a big deal if I missed a day.   That would be a really great thing.  I just counted.  Including duplicates I have at work and in my car and old pills I no longer take but hold on to just in case I pivot, that's 20 bottles of pills that I can toss, easy, when I'm at zero.  I'll ring the bell and buy shots for everyone at the bar on that day!  

[littlebird]

11 minutes ago, j1290 said:

I'm sure you know the feeling, the less pills the better.  Holy macaroni, at the end of this I won't have any pills I have to take that would be a big deal if I missed a day.

 

Seriously! No need to plan ahead, no stress about supply chains, just chilling and enjoying life. Something to look forward to! 

[Thorin]

3 hours ago, j1290 said:

Thanks, bud!   Lord knows I've had worse hangover days 😂  If I really had to manage around people today I might have had to resort to them but not so far.  When I look at previous notes, things are so much easier than they used to be, I feel like I'm quibbling.  I'm almost out of the rough and onto the fairway.   Next month, I think things will be easier still.  

That’s good mate. I’m glad things are easier than they used to be. It’s a good sign of things to come! You’re on the way! Even if you’re not feeling as bad as you were the WD symptoms are still pleasant if there was any place it was appropriate to talk about them this is it!

 

3 hours ago, j1290 said:

I'll ring the bell and buy shots for everyone at the bar on that day!  

I’ll hold you to that dude!

[littlebird]

8 hours ago, Thorin said:

11 hours ago, j1290 said:

I'll ring the bell and buy shots for everyone at the bar on that day!  

I’ll hold you to that dude!

 

Shoot, I'm gonna be tempted to come down Highway 1 and take you up on that, but for sure we'll be celebrating you from afar on that day!

[littlebird]

I hope you don't mind me reaching out, tried to message but it looks like you're not set up to get them. I was wondering how reinstatement went for you. It looks like you did that before you started posting on here. Hope you're having a good Monday and headaches are staying at bay!

[Stardust]

@j1290 Glad you have one more bad day to go and then home free for a month.

I'd love to hear more about the pattern you've found in your taper - like knowing when withdrawal symptoms are going to show up, how many bad days you'll have after a cut, how many good days, etc.  

[j1290]

7 minutes ago, Stardust said:

@j1290 Glad you have one more bad day to go and then home free for a month.

I'd love to hear more about the pattern you've found in your taper - like knowing when withdrawal symptoms are going to show up, how many bad days you'll have after a cut, how many good days, etc.  

I keep a 3 ring binder with daily WD checklists from the last 6 months, with tabs separating them by cut.   I'm looking at the previous cut to see what to expect for any particular day of the current one.   When I look back across the earlier cuts I can see broad trends.  

 

I have to take pills 3 times a day, so I note that in the Dr Glenmullen WD Checklist and jot down a few notes about what symptoms I'm feeling as well as an intensity scale out of ten.   Like today is Day 17, I'm just flipping back to last cut to see what symptoms were like on day 17.  That was a 4/10 day like today is, which by my scale is a 'bad' day.   Then I look to see if there were any more 4/10 days left in the last cut after day 17, and luckily there were not.   So most likely I won't have any more bad days this cut.  But my observation last month that Day 17 was a 4/10 matches my experience today, scorcher of a headache.   

 

If I *do* have more bad days, that's a red flag and I have to be extra observant for signs I need to reinstate or that I cut too much or whatever.   As I read in one of the articles, during tapering I have to be more observant of my feelings over the course of the day than I ever have in my life.   

 

I also note extra fatigue, how well I slept, did I take a nap, did I have vivid dreams, did I take any other prescription or OTC meds to deal with headaches, stuff like that.   

 

I don't think I could be successful without using a daily WD checklist.   Before I used it, I was baffled as to why I had good days and bad days seemingly randomly, and nothing ever stabilized even weeks after a taper.  I freaked out.   Once I started using it, I saw that my symptoms were actually predictable and consistent and improving over all.   It takes  a lot of anxiety out of the whole process for me.   Measuring emotions and feelings is an imprecise business to begin with, but I've found it accurate enough to be useful to me, so far.  

[j1290]

DAY 17  4/10  Headaches/some emotional weirdness/paranoia.  All normal.  Took some tylenol but just compared the last 2 cuts, and I took pills 20 out of 30 days last month vs 5 out of 30 days this month.  That's a big improvement in my day to day life, and gives me a statistic that's easier to measure than my feelings on any given day.   If my last cut is a guide, I should be out of the woods  for this month for 4/10 days, which would be really nice.   Flipping through the pages I see a lot of irritability listed, which reminds me to be on the lookout for that as I'm still on a high enough dose to get it.   

 

I think I'm one cut away from getting over the worst of the day to day symptoms of this stuff, and 2 cuts to really get to the home stretch(edit-that means 75mg.  It may still take me years to get off that amount, who the hell knows, but I should have minimal side effects at that much).   Going through daily life like a normie, interacting with people without the fear of being snappy due to WD, all sounds like a dream.   The headache hat has been great but I'm looking forward to no longer wearing it for days LOL

 

So. Close.

 

[Thorin]

14 minutes ago, j1290 said:

and I took pills 20 out of 30 days last month vs 5 out of 30 days this month.  That's a big improvement in my day to day life, and gives me

Mate that’s a massive difference in just a month. That’s pretty big.

 

16 minutes ago, j1290 said:

I think I'm one cut away from getting over the worst of the day to day symptoms of this stuff, and 2 cuts to really get to the home stretch(edit-that means 75mg

Flying through it 👍🏻. You’ll beat me to zero if I’m not careful 😉

 

17 minutes ago, j1290 said:

but I should have minimal side effects at that much). 

That’ll make the remainder of the taper tolerable 👍🏻

 

17 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Going through daily life like a normie, interacting with people without the fear of being snappy due to WD, all sounds like a dream. 

It’s not far away

[j1290]

7 minutes ago, Thorin said:

Flying through it 👍🏻. You’ll beat me to zero if I’m not careful 😉

haha I wish!  You're pretty darn close yourself.  

 

8 minutes ago, Thorin said:

That’ll make the remainder of the taper tolerable 👍🏻

Man, that's what I'm looking for right there.  Quality of life.  The rest will sort itself out.  

 

13 minutes ago, Thorin said:

It’s not far away

I can't wait.  I gotta remember, in 90 days, I could be in a radically better place.  I could be down to 15 pills per month instead of the 180 I started at.  By May I should be feeling great.  Glad we discussed this, I gotta start making plans to celebrate.  Next break I get I'm taking a real vacation.

[Fifree]

11 hours ago, j1290 said:

I don't think I could be successful without using a daily WD checklist.   Before I used it, I was baffled as to why I had good days and bad days seemingly randomly, and nothing ever stabilized even weeks after a taper.  I freaked out.   Once I started using it, I saw that my symptoms were actually predictable and consistent and improving over all.   It takes  a lot of anxiety out of the whole process for me.   Measuring emotions and feelings is an imprecise business to begin with, but I've found it accurate enough to be useful to me, so far.  

Thanks so much for sharing your methodology @j1290  I should maybe add that to my self-care list. You sound like you have great self-discipline which is definitely not one of my strong points 😵‍💫. But looking at yours logs, I can see how valuable they are. Did you do the same thing when you came off Effexor? Curious, cos from what I understand Wellbutrin is a very different beast to the SSRI/SNRI beasts. 

[j1290]

1 minute ago, Fifree said:

Did you do the same thing when you came off Effexor?

From about June of '21-June '22, I attempted tapering but wound up re-instating finally because I couldn't get it to work.   I got back in the game in August '22 and have been successful since then.   

 

Once I started treating this as a job instead of a hobby, I was able to make it work.  I read this website for days, read books, consulted with Dr. Shipko  (I'm a big fan, even if I don't always agree with him), talked to my Psych a bunch of times, neurologists, GPs, you name it, in addition to keeping a daily WD checklist and rigorously adhering to a dosage schedule.   Unsurprisingly this worked much better than me just winging it LOL

 

I'm not disciplined, but I have tenacity.  I treated getting off Effexor as the world's worst hobby.  Here's my journal from 2011, back when nobody knew much of anything and the 10% rule was just another potentially good idea.    I never kept a journal, never thought about taking pills at regular times, never followed any rules because we didn't really have much of any.  Never talked to my doctor until nearly the end of the taper LOL I tapered too fast/too much any number of times, and then hit the wall when I got to that tipping point at 75mg on the occupancy curve that I'm not sure anybody had a clue about at that time.    

 

After that, I just dropped a bead or 3 every few weeks for around 3+ years.  

 

Long story short, I did it all wrong, and even then it was simpler than tapering Bupropion.   Not easier, tapering Venlafaxine is a special hell in its own right, but all you had to do was open a capsule and remove some beads and in 2 or 3 weeks I was back to normal.  

 

Wellbutrin was much more complicated.  There are 3 different time release versions and different manufacturers, each with different side effects, plus trying to figure out a 3 x day dosing schedule.  Getting that balance right enough was the hard part, plus the side effects were hugely uncomfortable and required a few more pills to manage.   Wellbutrin was uncomfortable all the time, and Effexor just during the couple weeks after a cut.   

 

I get why the Wellbutrin is theoretically easy to get off of, but in practice I found it quite tricky.   There's no published occupancy curve that I've ever been able to find, and some research says it only goes to 25% occupancy of some thing or other vs the 80%+ of other drugs, which to my layman's eyes means things will possibly be smoother in the end game taper.   Time will tell.   

 

But nah, back in the day I didn't know anything like this, I'm not sure there was any information out there.   I opened a capsule, threw out some beads and hoped for the best.  Glad I tried getting off the Effexor first, because I never would have figured out the Wellbutrin, and I'd have been in real trouble since it never worked the same once I switched time releases.  

 

How's your taper going these days?  

[Thorin]

11 hours ago, j1290 said:

can't wait.  I gotta remember, in 90 days, I could be in a radically better place.  I could be down to 15 pills per month instead of the 180 I started at.  By May I should be feeling great.  Glad we discussed this, I gotta start making plans to celebrate.  Next break I get I'm taking a real vacation.

Exactly this man. Exactly this

[j1290]

DAY 18  3/10 Head pressure, irritability, dizzy, meh.  I'm right on track with last month, thank goodness.  Not gonna lie, yesterday I got a little panic thinking about my checklists and maybe this time I'd spiral off into endless bad days, and fortunately that wasn't the case.   Last month this time I was irritable and ready to make a fuss that my burrito wasn't getting made fast enough(inner dialogue only, ofc.  Nothing goes farther than my head).  Tonight I made a point to grab some food from the same place, and didn't notice myself being overly irritable, just a little lightheaded and weird feeling.   I'm not supposed to feel great during WD, so whatevs, I feel good enough.  Seemingly better than this time last month, but we'll see more in the next few days.   

 

I gotta try not to feel impatient about feeling good, but it's hard when I seem so close.   

 

Next cut, I hope everything will improve.   My day to day, my WD symptoms, all of it.   Things have gotten easier each of the last 6 cuts, so unless that reverses around 50mg or so, I think I'm rounding 2nd base right now and headed to 3rd.   This cut appears to have been a success.   Just one more month I'll be on 3rd.  

[j1290]

DAY 19  3/10 Headache, confusion, little bit of pressure.  

Tapering is super boring.  Every day is just a slight variation of a theme, but I guess that's a good thing if there's no high excitement.   I've had a headache but I can get by without pills.  I'm definitely not as irritable as I reported being last month, so I'm grateful for that.   

 

And with that, I should be done for the worst part of this cut.  According to my records things should get much easier from here on out.  I have my secret job interview next month, I might speed up my next cut by a week so that I have a full 4 weeks to recover and be down to my goal amount of 110mg before I fly out.  Will have a think about that.  

[FireflyFyte]

7 hours ago, j1290 said:

And with that, I should be done for the worst part of this cut.  According to my records things should get much easier from here on out.  I have my secret job interview next month, I might speed up my next cut by a week so that I have a full 4 weeks to recover and be down to my goal amount of 110mg before I fly out.  Will have a think about that.  

 You must be feeling some level of relief knowing that you are through the worst of it. 

 

Sending good vibes for your secret job interview!

[j1290]

DAY 20   3/10 Irritability and head pressure and frustration, overreacting.  

 

It's funny.  As I go, my scale is shifting.  Today I'm calling it a 3/10, and last month it was a 2/10.   Things really aren't much worse overall, but my base level has gotten higher, so this feels worse as I used to expect to feel WD all the time.   I'm just going to roll with it and accept that the scale changes.  I'm having that pressure that makes me irritable and want to overreact to situations.   My brain feels like water is sloshing around in there, it's super lame and in this state I worry how long it will take for this to go away or if it ever will.   It's just the fear train and I'm hopping off instead of riding it to the end of the line LOL  Just annoying.   

 

Looking at my notes, things should get a little better but really not all that much.  Feels like I'm at about WD normal.  I could fake being normal to one degree or another in public.  Trying to decide if I gain more than I lose by doing another cut in a few days or not.   I would be a full 4 weeks past a cut for my job interview if I do it soon and hopefully feel less medicated, or I can do an extra long hold till then.  

 

Overall, I defo have better thinking and imagination than I did when I began tapering, less headaches, less muted feelings, etc.  I held for months at 450mg IR and holding felt pretty crappy.   Maybe I just punt and do a cut from 190 to 150 instead of 115.  That's certainly less risky before a job interview.  Maybe that's what I'll do.  That's what Harvard says to do.  Maybe that's the move.   

[j1290]

I re-read that report I linked because you always hear something new.  Glad they mentioned severe irritability when coming off Bupropion.   I'm nervous and grouchy, and it's directly related to this taper.  I am just not mellow a bit, and this isn't me.   I think I'll drop 50mg instead of 75 and switch to part liquid.  If I have to updose it will be simple but I should be very far from any transport curve at 140mg, then I can go to 100 then 75.  I hope.   Hate the idea of not going to 110 in one go and potentially feeling better but maybe its better I don't.

[littlebird]

2 hours ago, j1290 said:

Overall, I defo have better thinking and imagination than I did when I began tapering, less headaches, less muted feelings, etc.

 

This is super good to hear. 

 

22 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Glad they mentioned severe irritability when coming off Bupropion.   I'm nervous and grouchy, and it's directly related to this taper.

 

Thank you for reading that and mentioning this! I've been seething at things that usually wouldn't bug me, grouchy, and quick to anger. I needed a reminder that meds 100% do this, it's not me turning into a grouch-monster. I talked with my therapist about fears that these WD symptoms (like irritability) are actually the "real me" coming out. 😱

 

26 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Hate the idea of not going to 110 in one go and potentially feeling better but maybe its better I don't.

 

Ah, another round of the worst game in the whole world! I'm glad you're thinking ahead about secret job interview. Totally understand wanting to go faster, and also the dang unknown of it all. Solidarity, friend! 

[Thorin]

2 hours ago, j1290 said:

It's funny.  As I go, my scale is shifting.  Today I'm calling it a 3/10, and last month it was a 2/10.   Things really aren't much worse overall, but my base level has gotten higher, so this feels worse as I used to expect to feel WD all the time. 

Same thing here. As I feel better overall the withdrawal seems much worse when I feel it so what would have been a moderate day previously now becomes a bad day.

 

2 hours ago, j1290 said:

My brain feels like water is sloshing around in there, it's super lame and in this state I worry how long it will take for this to go away or if it ever will.   It's just the fear train and I'm hopping off instead of riding it to the end of the line LOL  Just annoying.   

Damn the fear train! We know these things have always passed before. But every time I get WD I worry that it’s going it’s going to stick around forever or that this is actually just my true baseline. So far it’s passed every single time…..

 

2 hours ago, j1290 said:

would be a full 4 weeks past a cut for my job interview if I do it soon and hopefully feel less medicated, or I can do an extra long hold till then.  

I’ve found an extra long hold very beneficial but you will know what’s right for you. Hope you smash this next step in the interview process! Sure you will!

 

2 hours ago, j1290 said:

Overall, I defo have better thinking and imagination than I did when I began tapering, less headaches, less muted feelings, etc.  I held

That’s so good to hear mate. I know you’ve been wanting a break from all this things. So good to hear.

 

58 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Hate the idea of not going to 110 in one go and potentially feeling better but maybe its better I don't.

If the smaller cut goes well you can always increase it right? You’re not locked into any one decision….

 

29 minutes ago, littlebird said:

Thank you for reading that and mentioning this! I've been seething at things that usually wouldn't bug me, grouchy, and quick to anger. I needed a reminder that meds 100% do this, it's not me turning into a grouch-monster. I

You’re both struggling with this? I’ve been pretty angry lately too and I can’t tell if it’s stress or meds….. this blows!

 

30 minutes ago, littlebird said:

talked with my therapist about fears that these WD symptoms (like irritability) are actually the "real me" coming out. 😱

It’s ok to feel angry and irritable. As long as you don’t take it out on the people you care about. Feeling like that doesn’t make you a bad person. Treating people like **** does and I don’t think either of you do that. You both seem to care very much how you treat others and hate the fact that you feel irritable.

[j1290]

24 minutes ago, littlebird said:

Thank you for reading that and mentioning this! I've been seething at things that usually wouldn't bug me, grouchy, and quick to anger. I needed a reminder that meds 100% do this, it's not me turning into a grouch-monster. I talked with my therapist about fears that these WD symptoms (like irritability) are actually the "real me" coming out. 😱

 

Haha you know what, I was just thinking the same thing, I hope I'm not a turbo-jerk when I get off these things!  I mean, maybe, but I don't see myself like that anyhow.  I can deal with it if I am, but I wouldn't mind if my brain got off this roller coaster of weirdness.  Just handled a business call pretty well in spite of it all. I'm getting irritated at being irritated.   Sigh.

31 minutes ago, littlebird said:

Ah, another round of the worst game in the whole world!

Haha exactly!   It's a search for the least-worst option, always.

[j1290]

2 hours ago, Thorin said:

I’ve found an extra long hold very beneficial but you will know what’s right for you. Hope you smash this next step in the interview process! Sure you will!

haha it's so true!  In my defense, my brain is readjusting, so of course I'm getting weird paranoid thoughts.   I try not to give it more energy than it deserves and look back at my notes and try to remember feelings aren't facts.   Much better I stay in the rational thoughts.  

3 hours ago, Thorin said:

If the smaller cut goes well you can always increase it right? You’re not locked into any one decision….

It's a good point.  I have options.   

 

3 hours ago, Thorin said:

You’re both struggling with this? I’ve been pretty angry lately too and I can’t tell if it’s stress or meds….. this blows!

It's going to be interesting to see when the irritability gets better.    I gotta be happy that it's improving instead of being frustrated that it's continuing.   Progress not perfection, I guess.   I'm having a laugh at my notes last month from Day 21 "3/10 total ishthead and irritable AF".  Makes me laugh more than it should.   

 

3 hours ago, Thorin said:

It’s ok to feel angry and irritable. As long as you don’t take it out on the people you care about. Feeling like that doesn’t make you a bad person. Treating people like **** does and I don’t think either of you do that.

Facts.  I had a few delicate business conversations out of the blue tonight and handled them admirably.   I would have done even better in good condition, but I did well enough and know where I could improve so it's a win.  

 

I'll cut to 140 and see what that feels like.  I'm sure it'll be fine.  

[Addax]

4 hours ago, j1290 said:

Glad they mentioned severe irritability when coming off Bupropion.   I'm nervous and grouchy, and it's directly related to this taper.  I am just not mellow a bit, and this isn't me.

Like @littlebird said, one of worst games ever! Having something that tells you what you can expect in withdrawal seems like it would preserve some sanity. Although For me, when I’ve hit those rocky patches, I might be able to acknowledge that the symptoms were consistent with withdrawal symptoms, but my stupid brain will insert some crazy thought, like, “yeah, but you’re different from everybody else and you’ve launched into a terminal spiral and now this is just you.”  And I’ll be certain this crazy thought is true. Of course what always happens happens - it turns out to be false.      
 

Your log sounds like such a valuable thing to do and have. Will you keep it when you’re done? Use it to write a book or case study? set it on fire?

 

 

[j1290]

9 minutes ago, Addax said:

yeah, but you’re different from everybody else and you’ve launched into a terminal spiral and now this is just you.

Haha what's the term for this?  Doom spiral or something?  You said it, feels 100% legit at the time despite what my rationall side says.   

 

The log has been super handy for me personally to see the predictability of symptoms.  I'll probably hang on to it a bit.  I may take a class on writing your life story and it could be useful.  But yeah Im tempted to throw it lol!

[littlebird]

7 hours ago, j1290 said:

7 hours ago, Addax said:

yeah, but you’re different from everybody else and you’ve launched into a terminal spiral and now this is just you.

Haha what's the term for this?  Doom spiral or something?  You said it, feels 100% legit at the time despite what my rationall side says.   

 

Yes, this! It seems like a combination of many cognitive distortions in one: catastrophizing, jumping to conclusions, maybe a little polarized thinking? I definitely fall into thinking, "Well, this is how it'll be forever now."

 

Tbh, I like the term doom spiral and that would also be a good band name. 

 

7 hours ago, j1290 said:

I may take a class on writing your life story and it could be useful.  But yeah Im tempted to throw it lol!

 

Ooh, I love this! I hope you take that class. I'm wondering if at a certain point you could use one of those bulk scanners to digitize all the pages, then you could have a lovely little bonfire with the physical version. Kindling! 😂 

 

Hope your Friday is treating you well, my friend!

[Thorin]

13 hours ago, j1290 said:

 

13 hours ago, Addax said:

yeah, but you’re different from everybody else and you’ve launched into a terminal spiral and now this is just you.

Haha what's the term for this?  Doom spiral or something?  You said it, feels 100% legit at the time despite what my rationall side says.   

 

 

Can relate to this well. Despite all the evidence to the contrary the thing I’m feeling THIS time is definitely true and here forever. Even though that’s never been the case before!

[Stardust]

On 2/13/2023 at 8:33 PM, j1290 said:

I keep a 3 ring binder with daily WD checklists from the last 6 months, with tabs separating them by cut.   I'm looking at the previous cut to see what to expect for any particular day of the current one.   When I look back across the earlier cuts I can see broad trends.  

 

I have to take pills 3 times a day, so I note that in the Dr Glenmullen WD Checklist and jot down a few notes about what symptoms I'm feeling as well as an intensity scale out of ten.   Like today is Day 17, I'm just flipping back to last cut to see what symptoms were like on day 17.  That was a 4/10 day like today is, which by my scale is a 'bad' day.   Then I look to see if there were any more 4/10 days left in the last cut after day 17, and luckily there were not.   So most likely I won't have any more bad days this cut.  But my observation last month that Day 17 was a 4/10 matches my experience today, scorcher of a headache.   

 

If I *do* have more bad days, that's a red flag and I have to be extra observant for signs I need to reinstate or that I cut too much or whatever.   As I read in one of the articles, during tapering I have to be more observant of my feelings over the course of the day than I ever have in my life.   

 

I also note extra fatigue, how well I slept, did I take a nap, did I have vivid dreams, did I take any other prescription or OTC meds to deal with headaches, stuff like that.   

 

I don't think I could be successful without using a daily WD checklist.   Before I used it, I was baffled as to why I had good days and bad days seemingly randomly, and nothing ever stabilized even weeks after a taper.  I freaked out.   Once I started using it, I saw that my symptoms were actually predictable and consistent and improving over all.   It takes  a lot of anxiety out of the whole process for me.   Measuring emotions and feelings is an imprecise business to begin with, but I've found it accurate enough to be useful to me, so far.  

 

Thanks for explaining.  What do you think is the reason or mechanism behind the pattern?

[j1290]

1 hour ago, Stardust said:

Thanks for explaining.  What do you think is the reason or mechanism behind the pattern?

 I think broadly that the brain is healing one area a little one day, and another the next, but that's just a theory I read and I'm not sure anybody knows anything.  I'm happy that my notes are enough to let me see trends.  Takes away a lot of the anxiety out of ever changing symptoms.  

[j1290]

DAY 21  3/10 headache, dizzy, pressure weirdness, irritability.  

I suspect 3rd shift and psych meds don't work the best, despite me taking them at the same intervals.   Lots of biz situations that I'm handling swimmingly, thank you very much.  Not perfect, because that doesn't exist(and that's starting to sink in after all these years), but representing myself in a controlled and strategic way as best I can at the moment.   Doing that on poor rest and WD is no small feat.   Even better that I'm not spending all day analyzing the interaction and being paranoid about it.   5 years ago I'd have spent the weekend worrying about what it all meant.   Meds played a part in that I'm convinced.     

 

Looking at my notes, today is a DFWM day, and despite that I did fine on just a few hours sleep.   Feeling much better after taking a nap.   I was minorly annoyed by day to day stresses, including being around myself.  That's improvement over previous cuts 😆

 

I dunno about anybody else, but I can really get used to having less anxiety day to day.  I wouldn't wish that stuff on anybody.   

 

I had to re-write this 3 times,  and assume that prying eyes will read everything.  I assure you the previous versions were much funnier and less discreet 😂😂😂  I miss being young and carefree sometimes.   Even in my diminished capacity today I handled some situations with more humor and flexibility that just makes everything easier. I think the pills took much of that away from me, to my detriment.   

[littlebird]

23 minutes ago, j1290 said:

I suspect 3rd shift and psych meds don't work the best, despite me taking them at the same intervals.

 

I've been wondering how this is going for you! I only did third shift a short time, and it was a weird one for me. Are you getting enough sunlight? When I was doing this, sun and finding time to be social were factors for me. I couldn't tough it out for long! How do you take care of yourself doing third shift?

 

26 minutes ago, j1290 said:

I had to re-write this 3 times,  and assume that prying eyes will read everything.  I assure you the previous versions were much funnier and less discreet 😂😂😂  I miss being young and carefree sometimes.

 

Ha, been there with the editing! Makes me wish there was a "read on for j1290 subscribers" paywall or something like that, I bet there's hilarious stuff on the cutting room floor! <- aging myself with a reference big time.

 

28 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Even in my diminished capacity today I handled some situations with more humor and flexibility that just makes everything easier.

 

Love to hear it!

[littlebird]

Noticed I was losing hair in the shower, figured it was the stress I've been under... then on a whim looked up if Wellbutrin has that side effect. Rarely, but perhaps in most people it's so light and gradual they don't notice (or attribute it to Wellbutrin).

 

I bring this up because we talked before about the burning scalp feeling, and it's got me wondering if this might be connected. In chemo, sometimes people wear icy hats like your headache hat to reduce circulation to that area and reduce hair loss from the chemo treatments. My headaches have receded, but I'm thinking about one of those hats for vanity now.

 

Have you noticed hair loss with this sucker? I wouldn't have even looked it up if not for all the other weird stuff it turns out these meds do. Ahhh my scalp is burning right now and I'm afraid I'm losing more hair! Meds are weeeeird.

[Fifree]

21 hours ago, j1290 said:

Not perfect, because that doesn't exist(and that's starting to sink in after all these years), but representing myself in a controlled and strategic way as best I can at the moment.   Doing that on poor rest and WD is no small feat.   Even better that I'm not spending all day analyzing the interaction and being paranoid about it. 

Just love to hear it’s going so well. And love to hear you giving yourself credit for positive changes. Woohoo!

1 hour ago, littlebird said:

Meds are weeeeird.

Amen 

[j1290]

DAY 22  3/10 brain cramps/headache/pressure/cotton head

I'm getting to low enough doses that reductions are beginning to take the edge off of these meds.   Looking at this time last month I was super irritable and even my own company annoyed me.   I'm still feeling some of that but I'm not that bad since the head pressure and whatnot is less intense.   When I started all this my head was stuffed with cotton and I cut myself with all that edge in everything I said or did.   Now, I still have that, just 60% less 🤪  Soon to be 72% less, as I'm going to start a 50mg cut tomorrow.   I'm still at a high enough dose that I think it will be unremarkable WD wise, but time will tell.  My brain is still doing flips at this level, I can't comfortably do a long hold at this dose without resorting to more meds to get through the day, and I have a secret job interview in a month I want to be at my best for.  If it weren't for that I'd stick it out another week to let the emotions settle and get a breather between tapers.  It's such a weird deal, without the extra headache and brain fog I can feel just how powerful this drug affects...whatever the hell it affects.   Headache hat is in place and I feel better.  

 

While I'm in a blogging mood, I'll self-indulgently ramble on about my favorite topic, myself 😄  Back in the day when you'd write letters to friends because it was too expensive to call, I used to write pretty funny letters to a buddy of mine.  I would think about that sometimes when I write my blogposts here, where did that guy go?  Of course I'm not an edgy 20 something anymore, but on my good days I see a lot more of the parts of that guy I knew way back when.   It's nice to meet him again, reuniting with an old friend.   

 

I stopped listening to Morrissey a long time ago since I didn't think he was helping my depression.  Tonight I took the Morrissey Challenge and tried to listen to an entire CD without getting emotional, and failed miserably.   You know what, I was affected by circumstances as a kid, I'm going to do my best to offset that and whatever I am at any given time is good enough.   I know I can rely on Moz if I'm feeling emotionally stuffy. 

 

Is that what writing letters is about, it's the olden day equivalent of a blogpost?   I guess so, a blogpost is just an open letter to the world instead of a private audience, but curated to the nth degree.   

 

TL;DR  Recovering nicely, will do a cut a little early due to circumstances, thank you for attending my Ted talk.   

 

2 hours ago, littlebird said:

I bring this up because we talked before about the burning scalp feeling, and it's got me wondering if this might be connected. In chemo, sometimes people wear icy hats like your headache hat to reduce circulation to that area and reduce hair loss from the chemo treatments

No!   Are you kidding me?!?  I monitor the Reddit Bupropion/Wellbutrin and AD groups not for tapering guidance but to get a better feel for what's happening in the larger community, and I see hairloss mentioned from time to time as a reason for discontinuation.   From what I recall, the reports were overall positive that hairloss stopped/reversed after quitting.  With so many other variables related to hairloss, I don't know where it all begins and ends, but you bring up a *FASCINATING* point that I don't recall anybody mentioning.   Where I get the scalp burning sensation is at the top of my head, precisely where I'm thinning the most.   How much that's related, who knows, but I have to think there's some connection.   I had no idea chemo patients use icy hats to reduce circulation to that area.   I'm going to investigate that more.   

 

Personally, I take the hairloss pill.  I know it helps because when I've stopped for a month or so I could see it falling out.   In light of my new view of looking at all prescriptions with a jaundiced eye, maybe it's better I embrace male pattern baldness, but I digress.  

 

Much appreciated, Littlebird!  You've given me some food for thought I will investigate further.   Please let me know if you come to any more conclusions on the topic.   

1 hour ago, Fifree said:

Just love to hear it’s going so well. And love to hear you giving yourself credit for positive changes. Woohoo!

@FifreeThanks!   Life is so much easier when your EQ is higher.   Tapering is an interesting journey, I just wish it felt more comfortable 😏

[Thorin]

2 hours ago, j1290 said:

DAY 22  3/10 brain cramps/headache/pressure/cotton head

I'm getting to low enough doses that reductions are beginning to take the edge off of these meds. 

That’s SO good to hear John. I’ve heard you hanging out for that since I joined last year and now your hard work is paying off mate. It’s been an honour to witness and I’ve appreciated our interactions on this journey so much.

 

2 hours ago, j1290 said:

I'm still feeling some of that but I'm not that bad since the head pressure and whatnot is less intense.

Ok so you’re not there yet but it’s big signs of progress and it sounds to me like you’re clearly on the right path. I t seems that a huge fear for everyone on here is that they’re making a mistake by coming off meds. Your improvements show you are doing the right thing!

 

2 hours ago, j1290 said:

Now, I still have that, just 60% less 🤪  Soon to be 72% less, as I'm going to start a 50mg cut tomorrow.

It’s getting better man!

2 hours ago, j1290 said:

and I have a secret job interview in a month I want to be at my best for. 

Man this is a big life event. I like that you’re planning for it and are making sure you’re at the best you can be at this time. I’ve said it before. You’re one tough sob! I’m proud of you man (hope that’s not weird but I’ve become quite attached to some of you)

 

2 hours ago, j1290 said:

myself 😄 

Nice 😂🙏🏻

 

2 hours ago, j1290 said:

Of course I'm not an edgy 20 something anymore, but on my good days I see a lot more of the parts of that guy I knew way back when.   It's nice to meet him again, reuniting with an old friend.   

This!!!! I’m excited to see long forgotten parts of myself surfacing (which in itself is a bizarre experience). I’m glad you’re enjoying seeing yourself again

 

2 hours ago, j1290 said:

TL;DR  Recovering nicely, will do a cut a little early due to circumstances, thank you for attending my Ted talk

I didn’t buy a ticket but I got boozy and stumbled in to watch anyway. I’ve enjoyed the talk!

 

2 hours ago, j1290 said:

Where I get the scalp burning sensation is at the top of my head, precisely where I'm thinning the most.   

Ok, now I wonder if meds is causing this for me too….. doom scroll? I mean deep dive?

 

2 hours ago, j1290 said:

Personally, I take the hairloss pill. 

Any side effects with this? I briefly thought about it…

 

2 hours ago, j1290 said:

I just wish it felt more comfortable 😏

Amen brother but the end point will be so good