Ninabird: Effexor withdrawal?

[Ninabird]

Yesterday, per usual, I had a really tough morning. The tension in my body was so strong. Anxiety was high, my head burning. 
Crying to my therapist over feeling “worn out,” by pushing through everyday. I told her that some days I feel like I’m pushing a wheelbarrow that has a flat tire up a hill with all of my strength. So, I allowed myself to let the tears flow. I definitely felt a little better after but I always feel “hungover-ish,” after. 
Im not one who cries. I would rather push through. I’ve learned through this ADWD that crying has to happen. It MUST! It is so painful at times that a good, hard cry is needed for healing. 
 

Around 4:30pm, I pushed myself away from my computer and ran a few personal errands even though I felt awful. One of the errands was to go to Home Depot to buy flowers for a huge pot by my front door. Cruising the isles of flowers started to life my spirits. I saw bees collecting pollen from the flowers and stopped to watch. It was beautiful. From 4:30pm until I went to bed, I had one of the easier nights I’ve had in a long time. Accepting and floating are skills I’m constantly working on. 
 

One day this will be over but until then I’m going to enjoy as much of every day as I can. 
 

Wishing you all a gentle day. 
 

🌺Nina
 

[Ninabird]

@Altostrata

Good morning! 🌺🌸

7 hours of sleep 

6am Wake Anxiety (2)Headache (4)

6:30am .25mg Klonopin .50mg Estradiol 

7:30am snack on almonds 

8am 8.08mg Lexapro

9am Headache (5) anxiety (3) emotional (4)

9:30am walk 

10am Stretch. Headache (5) anxiety (3)

no motivation to work 

12pm .25mg Klonopin 

12:30 30mg Cymbalta 

1pm personal coaching mental fog, headache (5) anxiety (3)

3:30pm WD normal 

4pm Anxiety (3) weepy (4)

6:30pm .25mg Klonopin 

7pm dinner/ Zoom Bible study

8:30pm Anxiety (3) 

10:30pm Bed 

 

 

 

 

[Ninabird]

WHEN YOU CAUSE THE WAVE YOURSELF. 

🤦‍♀️ I have given up sugar and junk for over a year. On occasion when I’m feeling good, I’ll slip and eat something thinking I’ll be fine. It NEVER works out. It didn’t last night either. 
Last night I ate two squares of dark, delicious Ghiradelli chocolate I also ate more Ritz crackers than I’d like to admit to. 
Boy, am I paying for it today. High anxiety, burning on my face and arms, head really going bonkers. 
I have no one to blame but myself for this. Hopefully it will pass in a day or two. Until then, chocolate is in the compost bin. 🗑️ 

 

[Ninabird]

@Altostrata

I will resume daily journals in a few days. I ended a relationship and anxiety is pretty high. 

Thank you for understanding.

Nina

[Moonpie]

Praying for you. ❤️

[Ninabird]

@Altostrata

Hi. 🌺

I have been taking my .50mg of Estradiol at 6:30am for over a week. Nothing has changed. I think the stress over ending my relationship has made my symptoms much worse and the wave much more challenging. 
On Saturday I attended a graduation then a grad party in a park despite feeling incredibly unwell. At the park I had a full 90 minutes of WD normal. 
Sunday was a challenge the entire day. I did go to church. I had a meeting with a church member and sobbed for a good portion of it. 
Around 5:30pm I had a 45 minute period of WD normal. 
I feel that symptoms are intensifying. Could it be stress over the breakup? Trying to figure out what could be causing the intensity is maddening at times, Alto. 
I am going into my 5th week of holding. I don’t feel close to stabilising at all in fact I feel that I’m less stable. I do try every day to get out and live life. Some days are easier than others. Alto, I’m just concerned over how things are intensifying and that my ability to work and cope are suffering much more now. 
I wish this weren’t such a negative post, Alto. I’m so desperate to feel better. 
 

I hope you are enjoying the long weekend. 
 

🌺Nina

[Oaktree1]

Hi Ninabird,

 

I would cut yourself a break over your emotional lability - you just had a breakup.  That would floor most normal people never mind someone going through withdrawal.  You seem to have had a bad day on Sunday but last Monday you had a window buying flowers.  You are still functioning despite your symptoms.   That is the most important thing I think being able to just go on even though it is hard.  Be kind to yourself as you went through a breakup and you went through a lot of loss which got you started on these drugs in the first place.  Easier said than done I know. 

Today I feel absolutely dire  and hopeless TBH -I keep doing stuff and going through the motions;  sometimes that is all that one can do - I am trying to do 'the floating' thing.  You are still functioning - that is awesome.

 

Oaktree1.

 

 

[Altostrata]

2 hours ago, Ninabird said:

I think the stress over ending my relationship has made my symptoms much worse and the wave much more challenging. 

 

Very possibly.

 

Please post daily notes so we can understand your symptom pattern.

[Ninabird]

2 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

 

Very possibly.

 

Please post daily notes so we can understand your symptom pattern.

@Altostrata Yes, ma’am. I will start today. 

[Ninabird]

2 hours ago, Oaktree1 said:

 

I would cut yourself a break over your emotional lability - you just had a breakup.  That would floor most normal people never mind someone going through withdrawal

The relationship definitely added a lot of stress to my life. It was a tough but necessary decision to end it. I knew it could possibly ramp up my wave more but had no idea to this extent. 
Thank you for your support. It is very much appreciated. 
🌺Nina. 

[Ninabird]

2 hours ago, Oaktree1 said:

.  You are still functioning despite your symptoms.

It seems to be more challenging the last few weeks to work. 🥹

[Ninabird]

2 hours ago, Oaktree1 said:

 

Today I feel absolutely dire  and hopeless TBH -I keep doing stuff and going through the motions;  sometimes that is all that one can do - I am trying to do 'the floating' thing.  You are still functioning - that is awesome.

I’m so sorry you are having a rough day as well. Floating is a work in progress for me. Some days I can do it, some days I really struggle. 
 

I pray that I continue to function. I alone am responsible for my financial responsibilities. I can’t allow myself to become debilitated. I’m holding my taper right now in hopes that I can stabilise. 

[Ninabird]

2 hours ago, Oaktree1 said:

 

I would cut yourself a break over your emotional lability - you just had a breakup.  That would floor most normal people never mind someone going through withdrawal

The relationship definitely added a lot of stress to my life. It was a tough but necessary decision to end it. I knew it could possibly ramp up my wave more but had no idea to this extent. 
Thank you for your support. It is very much appreciated. 
🌺Nina. 

[Ninabird]

@Altostrata

In case I haven’t mentioned lately, I’m so thankful for your help and the time you take out of your day to do so. 

I hope you are having a relaxing long holiday weekend. 
 

Much respect,

Nina. 

[Oaktree1]

14 hours ago, Ninabird said:

I pray that I continue to function. I alone am responsible for my financial responsibilities. I can’t allow myself to become debilitated. I’m holding my taper right now in hopes that I can stabilise. 

Hi Ninabird,

 

I suppose that is what is known as your 'inner compass' telling you what to do.  I think one knows oneself.  I am holding too - it's a real pain.  The last drop really caught up with me so I  sympathise.  I am hoping I stablise too.  All we can do in that instance is follow the instructions here - to keep holding.  Keep praying and keep trucking.  As Winston Churchill said 'when you're going through hell, keep going'.  

 

Oaktree1

[Oaktree1]

I also think Rhiannon's topic is very helpful.   She was also solely responsible for her own financial support and so tapered super slowly to allow herself to keep functioning.  I read it sometimes.  Patience surely is a virtue here.

[Ninabird]

8 hours ago, Oaktree1 said:

I also think Rhiannon's topic is very helpful.   She was also solely responsible for her own financial support and so tapered super slowly to allow herself to keep functioning.  I read it sometimes.  Patience surely is a virtue here.

I am going to have to read her post. I am hoping to stabilize so I can slow taper. 

[Ninabird]

8 hours ago, Oaktree1 said:

All we can do in that instance is follow the instructions here - to keep holding. 

Following their instructions is so important. I have much respect for Alto and the other mods. 

[manymoretodays]

On 5/24/2023 at 3:10 PM, Ninabird said:

WHEN YOU CAUSE THE WAVE YOURSELF. 

🤦‍♀️ I have given up sugar and junk for over a year. On occasion when I’m feeling good, I’ll slip and eat something thinking I’ll be fine. It NEVER works out. It didn’t last night either. 
Last night I ate two squares of dark, delicious Ghiradelli chocolate I also ate more Ritz crackers than I’d like to admit to. 
Boy, am I paying for it today. High anxiety, burning on my face and arms, head really going bonkers. 
I have no one to blame but myself for this. Hopefully it will pass in a day or two. Until then, chocolate is in the compost bin. 🗑️ 

 

Hey there Ninabird, I'll just follow up out here now.

Oh dear, do your best to undo thinking like the above-  This "When you cause the wave yourself" and in all caps too, and....."I have no one to blame but myself for this".

Stop that!  Just. Stop. That!

And I hope you find this topic helpful:

Shame, guilt, regret and self-criticism

 

I know I get into this too and have to be "revolutionary" about shifting back to just now, and some positive replacements in my thoughts.  It should be a helpful topic for you now.  Hope so.

 

And then don't forget to get some dailies posted soon.

On 5/29/2023 at 12:43 PM, Altostrata said:

Please post daily notes so we can understand your symptom pattern.

Your daily drug and symptom notes looked really good back on the 24th of May!  Keep the next ones current and detailed, as you did with the first one of recent days.

 

Keep up this most difficult work right now of being patient with the current intense Wave, while also knowing.......that Window is coming, maybe later today, maybe tomorrow.........  Use some imagery to picture it, how it will feel and the relief.

 

You are doing courageous work right now, getting through.  Very proud of all you do, while riding the Wave, and all you have in place to support your efforts and hopes.  You are very organized and you got this!  You are never alone anymore with these challenges.

 

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

mmt

 

 

[Ninabird]

1 hour ago, manymoretodays said:

Oh dear, do your best to undo thinking like the above-  This "When you cause the wave yourself" and in all caps too, and....."I have no one to blame but myself for this".

Stop that!  Just. Stop. That!

😘 After re-reading it, I see what you mean. Thank you!

[Ninabird]

1 hour ago, manymoretodays said:

And then don't forget to get some dailies posted soon.

There will be one tomorrow. I haven't kept any dailies since the breakup last week. I felt the increase in symptoms would mostly be situational and not the every day normal. 

[Ninabird]

1 hour ago, manymoretodays said:

.that Window is coming, maybe later today, maybe tomorrow...

Well, as a matter of fact, from 12:45pm to right now. I have been having a window! 🥰 You just may be my good luck charm. Seriously, thank you for being so positive and supportive.

[Ninabird]

1 hour ago, manymoretodays said:

You are never alone anymore with these challenges.

 

What a powerful and calming statement. Thank you, MMD. Truly.

[Ninabird]

Good morning @Altostrata

5/30 notes

9 hours of sleep

6:30am woke Anxiety (2) head burning (3) 

.25mg Klonopin .50mg Estradiol

8am 8.08mg Lexapro

9am walk  head feeling worse (4) tension in my body (6)

10am breakfast 

10:30 shower. Feeling sadness

11am work. Head hurting, jelly legs, emotional

11:30 mainly head pain at this point

12pm .25mg Klonopin

12:30pm 30mg Cymbalta

12:45pm to 5:30pm WINDOW! 
6pm head pressure

6:30pm Klonopin 

7pm dinner 

mild headache

8pm to 9:30pm feeling ok. 
10pm bed 

 

I was so happy to get that window, Alto. It was such a welcome relief! I went and got my nails done. A little bit of celebratory self care. I soaked in every minute. 

 

[Ninabird]

Good morning @Altostrata

5/31 daily notes 

7 hours of sleep

6am woke anxiety (4)

6:30am .5mg Klonopin and .50mg Estradiol 

8am 8.08mg Lexapro

9am Walk anxiety (4) body tension (6) emotional (4)

11am anxiety (5)

12pm .25mg Klonopin

12:30pm 30mg Cymbalta

1pm Anxiety (4) head pain (4) burning in arms

2pm Therapy 

3pm Anxiety (5) ringing in ears (4) head pain that roams around (5)

4pm Anxiety (6)

5pm Anxiety (7) sadness, brief rushes of feeling “off.” bloodshot and sore eyes 

6:30pm .25mg Klonopin 

8pm to 10pm Anxiety (3) 

Interrupted sleep all night. 

Alto, throughout the day I did have moments of windows. A few minutes here and there. 

 

[Altostrata]

What happens when you reduce Lexapro?

[Ninabird]

1 hour ago, Altostrata said:

What happens when you reduce Lexapro?

When I dropped from  .115mgpw to .109mgpw was a little rough but I had other things going on. I had a UTI and a yeast infection. The antifungal caused the worst wave. From .109mgpw to .102mgpw, it was going along ok. Then I started to add the probiotic and the Vitamin D with K added. Then it seemed everything went berserk on me. I’ve been in hell since. My symptoms are pretty much the same but magnified by 10. 
Today is an awful day, I have been in bed sobbing, no shower, no walk, no work. I have the strangest anxiety/tension all over my body. 
Alto, could I possibly be having any issues w the benzo? I just don’t understand why my symptoms are increasing like they have been. 
I appreciate you, Alto. I know I’m in good hands with you and the mods. 
Respectfully- Nina

[Ninabird]

6/1

@Altostrata

Hi there. I hope all is well with you. 
Today has been one for the books. 🥹

5:30am wake anxiety (5) head hurting (3)

6:30am .25mg Klonopin .50mgEstradiol 

Feel lousy 

8am 8.08 mg Lexapro

9am symptoms became too much cried on and off until 1pm

12pm .25mg Klonopin 

12:30 30 mg Cymbalta 

2pm Showered 

3pm anxiety (4) headache (5) buzzing like sensation in my body 

5pm dinner 

6:30pm Klonopin 

7:30pm headache, ears ringing, tension in shoulders, feel sad. 
8pm bed ( I’m exhausted) 

 

 

 

[Altostrata]

It appears to me that you have an adverse reaction after taking Lexapro, which could be the interaction with Cymbalta. Reducing either Lexapro or Cymbalta might help. You're used to tapering Lexapro, do you want to try that?

[Ninabird]

@Altostrata I’ll do whatever you think would be best. Could reducing cause me to feel worse or is it impossible to predict? 

Is stabilising possible with the adverse reaction? If so, should I continue to hold?
 

I will be waiting for your instructions. 
 

Thank you, Alto,

Nina

[Altostrata]

I can't say what will happen if you start reducing Lexapro or Cymbalta, but you probably will have this adverse reaction as long as you're taking both drugs. If you reduce one of them even a little, the reaction might be diminished.

 

You were tapering by about 5% before, correct? How long did you hold in between reductions?

 

On 6/1/2023 at 8:12 PM, Ninabird said:

From .109mgpw to .102mgpw

 

Please described your dose in milligrams of active ingredient, I have no idea what .102mgpw represents.

[Ninabird]

11 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

14 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

I can't say what will happen if you start reducing Lexapro or Cymbalta, but you probably will have this adverse reaction as long as you're taking both drugs. If you reduce one of them even a little, the reaction might be diminished.

 

I will continue to taper the Lexapro. When should I start? Should I continue to hold?  I am having a window this afternoon, Alto. It started at 11 and am still in it.

 

[Ninabird]

15 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

You were tapering by about 5% before, correct? How long did you hold in between reductions?

I am reducing the same way Moonpie is/was  by .001mgpw every 4 days. 5% was too much for me.

[Ninabird]

19 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

Please described your dose in milligrams of active ingredient, I have no idea what .102mgpw represents.

@Altostrata it's confusing for me as well. My current dose of Lexapro is 8.08mg 

Thank you again for your help, Alto. My friends and family thank you also. 

[Altostrata]

You're welcome.

 

Are you over your UTI? You might start reducing when you're over any ailments.

[Ninabird]

54 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

You're welcome.

 

Are you over your UTI? You might start reducing when you're over any ailments.

Hi @Altostrata

Yes, it’s been gone for almost two months. 
 

Yesterday I had another long window. It was from 11-bedtime. It was so nice to have such a long break. 
 

Is it ok to start reducing on Monday? 
 

🌺Thank you, Alto. I hope you have a wonderful Saturday.