FireflyFyte: Latuda withdrawal

[FireflyFyte]

Yesterday's log -

• 7:00 AM: Wake up with no noticeable anxiety
• 8:30 AM: Breakfast (think! bar and coffee)
• 8:40 AM: Prozac (40mg) and Gabapentin (300mg)
• 9:00 AM: Tightness in chest (3/10)
• 10:30 AM: Walked the pups (25 minutes)
• 12:00 PM: Lunch (1/2 apple, almonds, and pepper jack cheese)
• 12:15 PM: Hands trembling (1/10)
• 2:30 PM: Gabapentin (300mg)
• 5:00 PM: Dinner (chorizo mac and cauliflower)
• 8:15 PM: Zyprexa (2.5mg)
• 9:15 PM: Gabapentin (300mg)

Overall evaluation of the day - Another fairly standard day with periods of mild anxiety and some struggling to focus. I still believe that I am spending too much of my day worried about the medication and the pending taper(s).

[FireflyFyte]

A few questions as I prepare for my taper -

1. Originally I was planning to start my taper after the holidays but am now leaning towards February so I can be stable on my current medication for three months versus two months. Does this make any sizeable difference?
2. Should I try to introduce magnesium prior to the start of my taper?
3. Have people tolerated switching from regular coffee to decaf coffee during their taper? I really love my routine of having a coffee in the morning and am hoping I can switch to decaf versus phasing it out entirely.

[FireflyFyte]

Had an appointment with my psychiatrist this morning and it went well. She wants me to wait until March to begin tapering which might be a good idea with the thought being that I'll have three stable months before I start the process. She also suggested getting the Zyprexa made into a liquid via a compounding pharmacy versus making it myself and I feel more comfortable with the professionals handling it than myself. Additionally, she would recommend a faster taper but is supportive of my plan to follow the BrassMonkey slide method and will continue prescribing as long as needed to continue the taper.

 

Of course, she said if my anxiety peaks during the taper that we can up the Prozac which I won't be doing but not surprised she brought it up.

[FireflyFyte]

I have gotten a little lax with keeping up my logs so will try to post them again soon but don't want to share incomplete entries.

 

I am still trying to decide if I should start my taper in February or March. My psychiatrist is recommending March but there is part of me that wants to start getting off of this medication sooner but can appreciate that maybe I need more time being stable before I begin the process. 

 

I am also concerned about migrating from pill form to a liquid form via a compounding pharmacy and curious how this worked for others. I plan to follow the guidance here on making the transition.

 

Not sure if I should continue posting here until I am ready to begin the transition to the liquid form and then start the taper. I don't want to add clutter if the logs aren't helpful.

[Finnishgirl]

Hi Firefly! How have you been lately? Thanks for giving support in my thread! ❤️

 

[FireflyFyte]

19 minutes ago, Finnishgirl said:

Hi Firefly! How have you been lately? Thanks for giving support in my thread! ❤️

 

Thank you for stopping by.

 

I am doing fairly well - mostly stable on my current cocktail. Plan to start my taper in February or March and trying to not let worries/anxieties over tapering, and withdrawals, occupy too much of my brain space.

[Thorin]

10 hours ago, FireflyFyte said:

Plan to start my taper in February or March and trying to not let worries/anxieties over tapering, and withdrawals, occupy too much of my brain space.

That’s exciting. Hopefully it’s relatively easy and uneventful. I just spoke to a work colleague today and he came off sertraline over a one week period after taking it for a few years and has had no issues! It’s crazy. Some people can just stop and for others the slightest change really effects them. Fortunately the majority of people fit somewhere in between these two extremes. I think you’ll be fine if you go slow and steady and don’t push yourself too hard.

[FireflyFyte]

7 hours ago, Thorin said:

That’s exciting. Hopefully it’s relatively easy and uneventful. I just spoke to a work colleague today and he came off sertraline over a one week period after taking it for a few years and has had no issues! It’s crazy. Some people can just stop and for others the slightest change really effects them. Fortunately the majority of people fit somewhere in between these two extremes. I think you’ll be fine if you go slow and steady and don’t push yourself too hard.

 

I was able to cold turkey multiple medications (I didn't know any better) until I took Latuda and found out the hard way that it caused severe withdrawals for me so imagine that Olanzapine will be similar. I am planning to do the BrassMonkey slider method so will take me about two years to fully taper off which seems insane given that I'll only have been on it for three months but need to function so slow and steady is the way.

[FireflyFyte]

Yesterday's log -

• FitBit Sleep Score = 84
• 6:45 AM: Wake up with no noticeable anxiety
• 8:15 AM: Breakfast (think! bar and coffee)
• 8:30 AM: Prozac (40mg) and Gabapentin (300mg)
• 12:00 PM: Lunch (pork and rice and beans)
• 3:15 PM: Gabapentin (300mg)
• 4:45 PM: Head pressure (2/10)
• 5:00 PM: Dinner (pesto salmon and green beans)
• 8:15 PM: Zyprexa (2.5mg)
• 9:15 PM: Gabapentin (300mg)

[Thorin]

14 hours ago, FireflyFyte said:

 

I was able to cold turkey multiple medications (I didn't know any better) until I took Latuda and found out the hard way that it caused severe withdrawals for me so imagine that Olanzapine will be similar. I am planning to do the BrassMonkey slider method so will take me about two years to fully taper off which seems insane given that I'll only have been on it for three months but need to function so slow and steady is the way.

Latuda withdrawals really took me by surprise also. It has really knocked me around very badly at times. Going to take me a few years to come off as well. I’ve considered the brass monkey slide too. My last attempted drop was around 15% (before I found this site) and I had to reinstate quite quickly. Also was reducing WAY too fast prior to that and I suspect what I’ve experienced is similar to someone going cold Turkey. I’m hoping my brain is starting to catch up to the too fast taper just now actually. If I’m stabilising I’ll be attempting a drop of about 3% in January or February. I cannot wait to be able to stop putting this poison into my body. I imagine you feel the same way!

[FireflyFyte]

9 hours ago, Thorin said:

I cannot wait to be able to stop putting this poison into my body. I imagine you feel the same way!

 

Yes, while I am trying to let it go (we can't change the past, right?) am still upset that my psychiatrist put me on Latuda, a powerful antipsychotic, for treatment-resistant depression and now I am stuck on a myriad of drugs due to an unintentional withdrawal but all I can do now is educate myself and get ready to begin my taper of Zyprexa followed by a Gabapentin taper.

[FireflyFyte]

Yesterday's log -

• FitBit Sleep Score = 87
• 6:45 AM: Wake up. Struggle to motivate myself to get out of bed.
• 8:30 AM: Breakfast (think! bar and coffee)
• 8:45 AM: Prozac (40mg) and Gabapentin (300mg)
• 10:00 AM: Anxiety (3/10)
• 10:45 AM: Walked the pups (25 minutes)
• 12:00 PM: Lunch (pizza)
• 2:30 PM: Gabapentin (300mg)
• 4:30 PM: Chest tightness (2/10)
• 5:10 PM: Dinner (peanut chicken and sweet potatoes)
• 8:15 PM: Zyprexa (2.5mg)
• 9:00 PM: Gabapentin (300mg)

[Thorin]

9 hours ago, FireflyFyte said:

 

Yes, while I am trying to let it go (we can't change the past, right?) am still upset that my psychiatrist put me on Latuda, a powerful antipsychotic, for treatment-resistant depression and now I am stuck on a myriad of drugs due to an unintentional withdrawal but all I can do now is educate myself and get ready to begin my taper of Zyprexa followed by a Gabapentin taper.

We have similar stories in a way. I’m not even going into how I feel about these doctors and what they have done to my life. Wish there was some sort of repercussion for at least one of them

[FireflyFyte]

14 hours ago, Thorin said:

We have similar stories in a way. I’m not even going into how I feel about these doctors and what they have done to my life. Wish there was some sort of repercussion for at least one of them

 

I can emphasize but, for me, trying to direct my energy into what I can do versus focusing on what has already happened. I actually like my psychiatrist as a person but have learned, the hard way, that she really is not savvy when it comes to antipsychotics and their withdrawals. 

[FireflyFyte]

Yesterday's log -

• 6:45 AM: Wake up. Racing thoughts (2/10)
• 8:15 AM: Breakfast (think! bar and coffee)
• 8:30 AM: Prozac (40mg) and Gabapentin (300mg)
• 10:30 AM: Walked the pups (25 minutes)
• 11:45 AM: Lunch (1/2 apple, cheese, and almonds)
• 2:45 PM: Gabapentin (300mg)
• 5:30 PM: Dinner (pizza)
• 8:00 PM: Zyprexa (2.5mg)
• 9:15 PM: Gabapentin (300mg)

[FireflyFyte]

So, I am really struggling with how long my taper will be even though when I start I will only have been on Olanzapine for 3-4 months but have done calculations and if I follow the BrassMonkey slider it will take just around 2 years and if I try a 5% drop every two weeks then it will take around 18 months. I am well aware that "slow and steady" is what is needed but I am scared of the prospect of 1 1/2 - 2 years plus where I am on edge about potential withdrawal symptoms especially after my experience with Latuda which landed me in a psych hospital not once but twice and resulted in being poly-drugged, heavily. 

 

I'm not sure what I am looking for in regards to this as I know there are no definitive answers for how a withdrawal will go and do accept that the "slow and steady" method has the best chance for minimal to no withdrawals but I feel like I am already putting my life on hold knowing that I will begin this taper in February or March. I am debating getting a kitten because I am worried that I won't be functional enough to care for another pet. I am worried that dating is completely out of the question because who will want to deal with me during periods of insomnia and/or intense anxiety?

 

Again, not sure what I am looking for here - maybe just a place to vent where others might understand. I plan to talk to my therapist about this as well.  

[hayduke]

8 hours ago, FireflyFyte said:

So, I am really struggling with how long my taper will be even though when I start I will only have been on Olanzapine for 3-4 months but have done calculations and if I follow the BrassMonkey slider it will take just around 2 years and if I try a 5% drop every two weeks then it will take around 18 months. I am well aware that "slow and steady" is what is needed but I am scared of the prospect of 1 1/2 - 2 years plus where I am on edge about potential withdrawal symptoms especially after my experience with Latuda which landed me in a psych hospital not once but twice and resulted in being poly-drugged, heavily. 

 

I'm not sure what I am looking for in regards to this as I know there are no definitive answers for how a withdrawal will go and do accept that the "slow and steady" method has the best chance for minimal to no withdrawals but I feel like I am already putting my life on hold knowing that I will begin this taper in February or March. I am debating getting a kitten because I am worried that I won't be functional enough to care for another pet. I am worried that dating is completely out of the question because who will want to deal with me during periods of insomnia and/or intense anxiety?

 

Again, not sure what I am looking for here - maybe just a place to vent where others might understand. I plan to talk to my therapist about this as well.  

A few people find they can go a bit faster if they haven't been on for that long.  People who can do this may be in the minority, I certainly couldn't.  There's a link to a graph of my taper in my sig.

The main thing to remember when you start your plan, is to remember to listen to your body.  The BM slide taper and even the 10%/mo are fairly proven places to start.  As you go, most of us find sometimes we can go a bit faster for a bit, sometimes we need to slow down for a bit, and sometimes you will want to hold for a while.  

We all know how trying on our patience this is, but unfortunately as you can see, the forums are littered with posts of people who have tried short cuts in frustration and sadly wound up even worse off that when they started.

The taper plan is a guide, you start with it as a reasonably proven path and rate of withdrawal, get a feel for it, and see how you respond to adjustments as you go.  It's not a robotic schedule you are imposing on yourself - it's a guide rope down a mountain, you'll learn when to stop for a breather, slow down, eat a snack etc.

 

Don't lose heart, once you start the process you will feel gradual improvements that last and keep improving as you go.  It is good to take stock of these on the bumpy days!

[Thorin]

14 hours ago, FireflyFyte said:

 

I can emphasize but, for me, trying to direct my energy into what I can do versus focusing on what has already happened. I actually like my psychiatrist as a person but have learned, the hard way, that she really is not savvy when it comes to antipsychotics and their withdrawals. 

Hi, not sure I said what I meant clearly. I like my current psychiatrist very much. He has helped me come most of the way off clonazepam and is supportive of me coming off Lurasidone (although he’s not much help there). He is also very aware that the psychiatric system is a mess. There was one doctor who really messed me up and I wish there were some repercussions for him….. as for focussing on the future. As I have not completed my taper but am experiencing withdrawals from the too fast taper I have done to date I am focussed on both the past and future…. And looking forward to getting off these meds

[FireflyFyte]

13 hours ago, hayduke said:

The taper plan is a guide, you start with it as a reasonably proven path and rate of withdrawal, get a feel for it, and see how you respond to adjustments as you go.  It's not a robotic schedule you are imposing on yourself - it's a guide rope down a mountain, you'll learn when to stop for a breather, slow down, eat a snack etc.

 

Don't lose heart, once you start the process you will feel gradual improvements that last and keep improving as you go.  It is good to take stock of these on the bumpy days!

 

@hayduke, I really appreciate this metaphor and will try to keep it in mind when I am ready to start tapering. I think I am getting too much in my head about how the process will go after my disaster of a time with Latuda but this time I will be guiding myself down the mountain versus throwing myself off the cliffside. 

 

8 hours ago, Thorin said:

Hi, not sure I said what I meant clearly. I like my current psychiatrist very much. He has helped me come most of the way off clonazepam and is supportive of me coming off Lurasidone (although he’s not much help there). He is also very aware that the psychiatric system is a mess. There was one doctor who really messed me up and I wish there were some repercussions for him….. as for focussing on the future. As I have not completed my taper but am experiencing withdrawals from the too fast taper I have done to date I am focussed on both the past and future…. And looking forward to getting off these meds

 

Apologies, Thorin, I didn't mean to come across as combative and can fully understand focusing on both the past and the future. You will get off of these meds. It will take time but you will get there and happy to support you as I can.

[Thorin]

8 hours ago, FireflyFyte said:

pologies, Thorin, I didn't mean to come across as combative and can fully understand focusing on both the past and the future. You will get off of these meds. It will take time but you will get there and happy to support you as I can.

No apologies required at all FfF! We’re here to support each other while we’re all going through these difficult times. You too, will get off these meds. It takes longer than we’re comfortable with but I think when we get to a place where the taper is not taking up too much of our thoughts it’s going to be less stressful than it currently is. Eventually I hope we can taper without thinking about it too much at all and we won’t be so stressed about how long it will take ( it freaks me out a bit too). This will take a few years for me still. I think it’s maybe more daunting at the start of the journey because you don’t know what to expect. I think you’ll be ok and that it will get easier over time for you. Especially when you’ve reduced your dose enough that you start to feel ‘alive’ again. We’re all here with you while you go through this though!

[FireflyFyte]

On 12/16/2022 at 5:34 PM, Thorin said:

No apologies required at all FfF! We’re here to support each other while we’re all going through these difficult times. You too, will get off these meds. It takes longer than we’re comfortable with but I think when we get to a place where the taper is not taking up too much of our thoughts it’s going to be less stressful than it currently is. Eventually I hope we can taper without thinking about it too much at all and we won’t be so stressed about how long it will take ( it freaks me out a bit too). This will take a few years for me still. I think it’s maybe more daunting at the start of the journey because you don’t know what to expect. I think you’ll be ok and that it will get easier over time for you. Especially when you’ve reduced your dose enough that you start to feel ‘alive’ again. We’re all here with you while you go through this though!

 

Thank you so much, Thorin. 

 

I do think a lot of my current issue is around hyper-focusing on the upcoming withdrawals so am going to talk to my therapist about techniques to diminish the space it is taking up inside of my head. There's no need to add extra anxiety to something that will already be stressful. I want to focus on the fact that I am feeling decent (not perfect but worlds better than I was a month or two ago) and that I have a safe, and slow, plan to taper off of the Zyprexa which I can start when I am ready in either February or March.

[FireflyFyte]

Had dinner with my Mom yesterday and explained my plan to slowly taper off the medication and she fully supports the idea especially after seeing what happened to me when I unintentionally withdrew from Latuda. It's comforting to know that I have support.

 

As an aside, @manymoretodays - do you want me to continue posting daily logs or should I hold off until I start my taper?

[Thorin]

6 hours ago, FireflyFyte said:

Had dinner with my Mom yesterday and explained my plan to slowly taper off the medication and she fully supports the idea especially after seeing what happened to me when I unintentionally withdrew from Latuda. It's comforting to know that I have support.

 

As an aside, @manymoretodays - do you want me to continue posting daily logs or should I hold off until I start my taper?

How good to have that support from someone close to you.

[FireflyFyte]

16 hours ago, Thorin said:

How good to have that support from someone close to you.

 

I am incredibly grateful for my Mom and how she has supported me over the last few months especially when I was inpatient as she coordinated a lot of the care for my animals and visited me several times. Part of why I want to minimize withdrawal symptoms, especially anxiety, is to not have to put her through that again. 

[manymoretodays]

Hi FfF,

On 12/19/2022 at 8:36 AM, FireflyFyte said:

As an aside, @manymoretodays - do you want me to continue posting daily logs or should I hold off until I start my taper?

 

Yes.  And thanks for tagging me. 

I would split off your Prozac from the morning gabapentin by 2 hours.

Just go by one hour at a time.

And also I would keep going with that pm split......... to get the gabapentin and Zyprexa spaced 2 hours from each other.

 

On 12/15/2022 at 7:27 AM, FireflyFyte said:

Yesterday's log -

• 6:45 AM: Wake up. Racing thoughts (2/10)
• 8:15 AM: Breakfast (think! bar and coffee)
• 8:30 AM: Prozac (40mg) and Gabapentin (300mg)
• 10:30 AM: Walked the pups (25 minutes)
• 11:45 AM: Lunch (1/2 apple, cheese, and almonds)
• 2:45 PM: Gabapentin (300mg)
• 5:30 PM: Dinner (pizza)
• 8:00 PM: Zyprexa (2.5mg)
• 9:15 PM: Gabapentin (300mg)

 

So you'll wind up with 5 different medication times.  I'd keep the gabapentin at the current intervals, if you move the 9:15 pm dose to 9:45 or 10 pm, you'll have that still at a 7 hour interval.  And then after that, I'd move that 8:30 am gabapentin, an hour at a time until that is at 6:30 am.  This would also shorten the night interval until your morning gabapentin.  It might change things......the racing thoughts you mention in the above notes.

 

Are you then having little to no symptoms throughout the day and sleeping from 9:15 pm to 6:45 am?  You might just add in additional times as you are making adjustments and note symptoms, if any before and after medications.

 

Sorry it took me so long to get back to you.

Here is a link to your current drug interactions:

https://www.drugs.com/interactions-check.php?drug_list=1147-0,1115-648,1744-1113&types[]=major&types[]=minor&types[]=moderate&types[]=food&types[]=therapeutic_duplication

 

And so I would, if I were you......... get familiar with that, your drug interactions and then the symptoms of them too.

My hope would be that we minimize those interactions with the spacing out both Zyprexa and gabapentin, and then Prozac and gabapentin by 2 hours.

 

Even when they are rated moderate it's still not great.  Not in my humble opinion.

 

How are you faring with focus and concentration FireflyFyte?  I'm just wondering.  I remember that you basically jumped or CTed the Vyvanse, or that was what they did at the hospital.  So I am interested to know.

 

Okay.  Health for the holidays for all I say.......good health and healing!!!  I think you are doing great FfF, planning ahead, and getting support too.  You might let both Mum and therapist know that you really want to be drug free someday, and do this right.......AND that it might be bumpy for you going forward, but that you would much rather have them help you with non-drug coping and sometimes acceptance too.  I mean if that is true for you.  Mum especially........just wants you to be well I expect.......and has the hardest time when you are struggling.  Hoping your therapist is even just a little experienced in seeing people sometimes overmedicated and the harms inherent in that or lifetime medications.  You might probe them a little.  I just don't like the ones who say.......oh, we leave all medication to the doctor or psychiatrist........we have no opinion on that.  That drives this one, me..........a bit crazy.....or upsets me.  We're all in this making change happen together.  I hope. 

 

And best.

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

 

 

Edited December 20, 2022 by manymoretodays
soapbox ramble :-(

[Thorin]

8 hours ago, FireflyFyte said:

 

I am incredibly grateful for my Mom and how she has supported me over the last few months especially when I was inpatient as she coordinated a lot of the care for my animals and visited me several times. Part of why I want to minimize withdrawal symptoms, especially anxiety, is to not have to put her through that again. 

I can understand that motivation. I’m constantly feeling guilty that I’m a dark cloud to be around much of the time. I feel bad for my partner and two children that I can’t pick them up and make them happy and am probably not great to be around much of the time. They stick by me and I love them for that but it’s not fair on them. I know you’ve got this FfF. We’ll walk beside you as much as we can while you take this journey.

[FireflyFyte]

18 hours ago, manymoretodays said:

Yes.  And thanks for tagging me. 

I would split off your Prozac from the morning gabapentin by 2 hours.

Just go by one hour at a time.

And also I would keep going with that pm split......... to get the gabapentin and Zyprexa spaced 2 hours from each other.

 

I will continue working to split the doses and will report back on any changes.

 

18 hours ago, manymoretodays said:

Are you then having little to no symptoms throughout the day and sleeping from 9:15 pm to 6:45 am?  You might just add in additional times as you are making adjustments and note symptoms, if any before and after medications.

 

My days are mostly symptom free except for occasional anxiety (usually focused around fears about withdrawal), racing thoughts, and minor hand tremors. I usually sleep from around 10/10:30 PM until 6:30/7 AM. 

 

18 hours ago, manymoretodays said:

Sorry it took me so long to get back to you.

 

No need to apologize. I understand how busy you must be as a moderator and appreciate your efforts here.

 

18 hours ago, manymoretodays said:

How are you faring with focus and concentration FireflyFyte?  I'm just wondering.  I remember that you basically jumped or CTed the Vyvanse, or that was what they did at the hospital.  So I am interested to know.

 

I have been really struggling with concentration especially the last week or so. I was CTed off of it during my first hospital stay so haven't been on it for over two months. Part of me wants to go back on it to help with work but I know, in the long run, that's not in my best interest so I will refrain.

 

18 hours ago, manymoretodays said:

Okay.  Health for the holidays for all I say.......good health and healing!!!  I think you are doing great FfF, planning ahead, and getting support too.  You might let both Mum and therapist know that you really want to be drug free someday, and do this right.......AND that it might be bumpy for you going forward, but that you would much rather have them help you with non-drug coping and sometimes acceptance too.  I mean if that is true for you.  Mum especially........just wants you to be well I expect.......and has the hardest time when you are struggling.  Hoping your therapist is even just a little experienced in seeing people sometimes overmedicated and the harms inherent in that or lifetime medications.  You might probe them a little.  I just don't like the ones who say.......oh, we leave all medication to the doctor or psychiatrist........we have no opinion on that.  That drives this one, me..........a bit crazy.....or upsets me.  We're all in this making change happen together.  I hope. 

 

I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow so plan to let her know my concerns around withdrawing and that I might need assistance with coping when the time comes. I plan to keep my Mom in the loop as I didn't really do that when this started and that was a mistake on my part.

 

Hope you have wonderful holidays, manymoretodays. Again, appreciate all of your help here.

[FireflyFyte]

15 hours ago, Thorin said:

I can understand that motivation. I’m constantly feeling guilty that I’m a dark cloud to be around much of the time. I feel bad for my partner and two children that I can’t pick them up and make them happy and am probably not great to be around much of the time. They stick by me and I love them for that but it’s not fair on them. I know you’ve got this FfF. We’ll walk beside you as much as we can while you take this journey.

 

Thank you, Thorin, I really appreciate your support and I am glad to hear that your wife and children are there for you. 

[FireflyFyte]

Yesterday's log -

 

• 7:00 AM: Wake up.
• 8:30 AM: Breakfast (think! bar and coffee)
• 8:45 AM: Prozac (40mg) and Gabapentin (300mg)
• 10:15 AM: Walked the pups (25 minutes)
• 11:45 AM: Lunch (burrito bowl)
• 3:00 PM: Gabapentin (300mg)
• 6:20 PM: Walked with a friend (30 minutes)
• 7:45 PM: Zyprexa (2.5mg)
• 8:00 PM: Dinner (chicken panini)
• 10:00 PM: Gabapentin (300mg)

I will work on separating the Prozac and Gabapentin in the morning and see if that helps with some of the anxiety and racing thoughts. 

[FireflyFyte]

Yesterday's log -

• 7:00 AM: Wake up. Difficult to find the motivation to get out of bed.
• 8:15 AM: Breakfast (think! bar and coffee)
• 8:30 AM: Prozac (40mg) and Gabapentin (300mg)
• 11:45 AM: Lunch (1/2 apple, salami, and cheese)
• 12:25 PM: Walked the pups (25 minutes)
• 2:20 PM: Gabapentin (300mg)
• 4:45 PM: Weighs (20 minutes)
• 5:30 PM: Dinner (goat cheese pasta and green beans)
• 8:00 PM: Zyprexa (2.5mg)
• 10:00 PM: Gabapentin (300mg)

Appears I am starting to gain weight which is incredibly common on Zyprexa. I wish my self-esteem wasn't so tied in with my weight but am already starting to struggle even though I have only gained a few pounds. I am going to continue trying to eat healthy and exercise to see if I can stop myself from gaining any more.

 

As far as anxiety, it was the level it has been at as of late. I spend too much of the day worried about my impending tapers but also worried about the side effects of the medication. My therapist stood me up yesterday so wasn't able to talk with her about some strategies to get out of my own head. I don't want to be consumed with worries about the tapers especially when trying to get off of Zyprexa will take me at least 16/18 months and probably the same length, if not longer, to get off of Gabapentin.

[FireflyFyte]

I had a few glasses of wine yesterday for the holidays so will hold off on posting logs since I know alcohol can cause issues with withdrawals and medication.

 

Hope everyone had wonderful holidays.

[manymoretodays]

It may take a week or so to level off.

I mean we are all a little different.

But as you know........generally alcohol is a no go during withdrawal and subsequent stabilization.

Here is that topic:

Alcohol: wine and beer

 

Don't get too hung up on time frames now.

 

Relax, enjoy as much as possible and let's start the New Year off right.

It's okay to continue to report......it may be helpful for another too.  Tough times I suppose or just that strong want to have that so called "normal" life back.  You'll wind up with something better FfF.......you will.  Hard to see it now, but I expect you will.

 

Oh best. 

 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

 

 

[FireflyFyte]

10 hours ago, manymoretodays said:

Relax, enjoy as much as possible and let's start the New Year off right.

It's okay to continue to report......it may be helpful for another too.  Tough times I suppose or just that strong want to have that so called "normal" life back.  You'll wind up with something better FfF.......you will.  Hard to see it now, but I expect you will.

 

I am awful at relaxing but swear it's something that I am working on 😅

 

But thank you, manymoretodays, I appreciate your guidance and support throughout this process. I'll start keeping logs again and sharing them here especially if they can be helpful to someone else.

[Willowman]

On 12/15/2022 at 12:23 AM, Thorin said:

We have similar stories in a way. I’m not even going into how I feel about these doctors and what they have done to my life. Wish there was some sort of repercussion for at least one of them

So do we. I have treatment resistant depression as well, and in the last 10 years, they put me on and off so many drugs that my system is completely shot. And hooray, the depression wasn’t improved at all. Lovely. When I point this out, they shrug it off. They never even tried something more drug free like sleep deprivation or light therapy.

 

While this is very frustrating, we only have the moment to live in and the future to look forward to. 
 

You said you have trouble relaxing. Have you tried an active relaxation method like PME or slow yoga?

 

[Thorin]

5 minutes ago, Willowman said:

So do we. I have treatment resistant depression as well, and in the last 10 years, they put me on and off so many drugs that my system is completely shot. And hooray, the depression wasn’t improved at all. Lovely. When I point this out, they shrug it off. They never even tried something more drug free like sleep deprivation or light therapy.

 

While this is very frustrating, we only have the moment to live in and the future to look forward to. 
 

You said you have trouble relaxing. Have you tried an active relaxation method like PME or slow yoga?

 

You say you have treatment resistant depression? I was just thinking about this earlier. Are you treatment resistant or are the treatment options not equipped to treat the depression? I don’t think it’s us that is the problem. I think the tools available aren’t very good (pharmacological tools anyway). When they say treatment resistant they make it sound like there’s something wrong with us rather than the available treatment options….

[Willowman]

You are correct! A better way of putting it would be: I have depression and anxiety which is not responding to the treatments made available to me.

 

And you are also right in saying that psychiatrists make it look like that is somehow your fault. A very human response to feeling helpless I believe.