FireflyFyte: Latuda withdrawal

[FireflyFyte]

Made my next drop last night to 1.4mg.

 

Sleep has been consistent, less GI issues (thankfully), and anxiety has decreased since the move is (mostly) over but have really been struggling with feelings of depression and loneliness lately. I have been trying to stay busy but finding myself with next to no motivation (yes, I am well aware that I am on two drugs that can cause a drop in motivation) which makes it difficult.

 

I have returned to journaling, have been working out consistently (running, lifting weights, and yoga), and try to get outside as much as possible.

 

Current plan is still to get down to 1mg of Olanzapine, hold there for a month or so, and then try to drop the Gabapentin down to 400mg/day instead of 600mg/day, and then return to the Olanzapine taper.

[littlebird]

5 hours ago, FireflyFyte said:

have really been struggling with feelings of depression and loneliness lately. I have been trying to stay busy but finding myself with next to no motivation (yes, I am well aware that I am on two drugs that can cause a drop in motivation) which makes it difficult.

 

I have returned to journaling, have been working out consistently (running, lifting weights, and yoga), and try to get outside as much as possible.

Sorry to hear you're struggling with depression and loneliness, but it sounds like you're handling it in healthy ways! It's so hard to be robbed of motivation by meds... glad you're pushing through!

[FireflyFyte]

29 minutes ago, littlebird said:

Sorry to hear you're struggling with depression and loneliness, but it sounds like you're handling it in healthy ways! It's so hard to be robbed of motivation by meds... glad you're pushing through!

 

Thank you, littlebird. I am trying to make healthy decisions regarding my current mental health state.

 

I hope you are well.

[j1290]

18 hours ago, FireflyFyte said:

Made my next drop last night to 1.4mg.

Congrats on the drop!  Making a move like that is such a huge stressor, personally I'd cut you a lot of slack when it comes to the mood department.  That's fantastic you're getting outside and exercising, they tell me they're two of the most important things you can do to improve mood. 

[FireflyFyte]

4 hours ago, j1290 said:

Congrats on the drop!  Making a move like that is such a huge stressor, personally I'd cut you a lot of slack when it comes to the mood department. 

 

Thank you, I am still learning how to be gentle with myself.

 

4 hours ago, j1290 said:

That's fantastic you're getting outside and exercising, they tell me they're two of the most important things you can do to improve mood. 

 

I have heard the same so giving it a try!

[FireflyFyte]

Made my latest drop last night and am down to 1.33mg of Olanzapine. 

 

No noticeable withdrawals, currently - sleeping well, no GI upset, and anxiety and depression have been manageable. Have had a few spikes of anxiety related to dating but that is to be expected - it's a stressful endeavor.

[Altostrata]

Congratulations, @FireflyFyte!

[Addax]

Glad to read that things are going well! 

On 7/3/2023 at 11:26 AM, FireflyFyte said:

Have had a few spikes of anxiety related to dating but that is to be expected - it's a stressful endeavor.

I think “a few spikes” sounds pretty good considering the endeavor. Phew! 😉

[Thorin]

34 minutes ago, Addax said:

Glad to read that things are going well! 

On 7/4/2023 at 1:26 AM, FireflyFyte said:

Have had a few spikes of anxiety related to dating but that is to be expected - it's a stressful endeavor.

I think “a few spikes” sounds pretty good considering the endeavor. Phew! 😉

Dating’s hard for anyone FfF! I’ve been in a relationship for more than 9 years and I definitely still get spikes of anxiety! You’ve got courage just for getting out there 😊

[FireflyFyte]

On 7/4/2023 at 10:01 AM, Altostrata said:

Congratulations, @FireflyFyte!

 

Thank you, Alto. I still get sad thinking how long it will take me to get off my cocktail but I remind myself that the length of time is worth it if I am feeling well during.

 

16 hours ago, Addax said:

I think “a few spikes” sounds pretty good considering the endeavor. Phew! 😉

 

Ha! Agreed. I think I might even be more stressed because it's actually going well 😂

 

16 hours ago, Thorin said:

Dating’s hard for anyone FfF! I’ve been in a relationship for more than 9 years and I definitely still get spikes of anxiety! You’ve got courage just for getting out there 😊

 

Thank you, Thorin! It's been challenging but actually met someone decent recently so will see!

[Thorin]

18 hours ago, FireflyFyte said:

Thank you, Thorin! It's been challenging but actually met someone decent recently so will see!

Well I really hope it goes well. Everyone deserves some companionship in their life if that’s what they’re seeking!

[FireflyFyte]

On 7/6/2023 at 6:14 AM, Thorin said:

Well I really hope it goes well. Everyone deserves some companionship in their life if that’s what they’re seeking!

 

Thank you. We have our fifth date tonight so going well at the moment 😊

[littlebird]

2 hours ago, FireflyFyte said:

Thank you. We have our fifth date tonight so going well at the moment 😊

🎉 Yessss glad to hear it! Hope it's a lovely date. 

[FireflyFyte]

On 7/11/2023 at 3:21 PM, littlebird said:

🎉 Yessss glad to hear it! Hope it's a lovely date. 

 

Thank you, littlebird 💜

 

We grabbed dinner and had some great conversations. We should be seeing each other again this weekend.

[littlebird]

4 hours ago, FireflyFyte said:

We grabbed dinner and had some great conversations. We should be seeing each other again this weekend.

Love to hear it! 6th date, that's wonderful.

[manymoretodays]

Congrats FfF on getting to 1.33 mg of the Zyprexa! 

And it sounds like you are still sleeping okay?

 

Also yay on the dating!  That's courageous in my book.  And the move has gone okay?  Did you go to a new area or just a new abode?

 

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

mmt

[FireflyFyte]

44 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

Congrats FfF on getting to 1.33 mg of the Zyprexa! 

And it sounds like you are still sleeping okay?

 

Yes, sleeping around 8-9 hours/night so no complaints.

 

44 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

 

Also yay on the dating!  That's courageous in my book.

 

It takes a lot of courage especially for someone who struggles heavily with vulnerability...

 

45 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

And the move has gone okay?  Did you go to a new area or just a new abode?

 

The move was admittedly stressful but life is starting to settle. I still have a lot of unpacking and organizing to do but it's slowly coming together. I moved around 45 minutes away from my former house.

[FireflyFyte]

Made another drop in Olanzapine last night to 1.26mg so am down almost 50% from my starting dose of 2.5mg.

 

Still no noticeable withdrawals at the moment which I am incredibly grateful for 💜

 

Once I get down to 1mg, still planning on holding for a little while and trying to lower my Gabapentin dose from 600mg/day to 400mg/day and see if that helps with my concentration and motivation.

[hayduke]

On 7/18/2023 at 12:54 AM, FireflyFyte said:

Made another drop in Olanzapine last night to 1.26mg so am down almost 50% from my starting dose of 2.5mg.

 

Still no noticeable withdrawals at the moment which I am incredibly grateful for 💜

 

Once I get down to 1mg, still planning on holding for a little while and trying to lower my Gabapentin dose from 600mg/day to 400mg/day and see if that helps with my concentration and motivation.

That's really good.  I experienced what I felt was a change in receptor affinity around that level, and wound up holding for a while.  Please let us know if you notice anything like that.

[FireflyFyte]

On 7/23/2023 at 12:41 AM, hayduke said:

That's really good.  I experienced what I felt was a change in receptor affinity around that level, and wound up holding for a while.  Please let us know if you notice anything like that.

 

I haven't felt a change to date but am trying to be receptive to what my body, and brain, are telling me and will hold if needed.

[FireflyFyte]

Made another drop and am now down to 1.2mg so have officially crossed over the 50% mark in my taper as far as amount goes.

 

No noticeable withdrawals at the moment, which, as always, I am immensely grateful about 💜

 

I am feeling frustrated that my emotions are still severely blunted. One of my dogs is at the ER vet and I feel like I should be more upset but there's a block where I can't access emotions and I miss experiencing them, even the negative ones.

[littlebird]

2 hours ago, FireflyFyte said:

Made another drop and am now down to 1.2mg so have officially crossed over the 50% mark in my taper as far as amount goes.

Woah, you're so close to zero!!!! 🎉

 

2 hours ago, FireflyFyte said:

I am feeling frustrated that my emotions are still severely blunted. One of my dogs is at the ER vet and I feel like I should be more upset but there's a block where I can't access emotions and I miss experiencing them, even the negative ones.

Oh no, hope pup is better soon! The emotional blunting is hella hard, I'm just hoping that gets better with time. Has it gotten better as you tapered?

[Thorin]

5 hours ago, FireflyFyte said:

am feeling frustrated that my emotions are still severely blunted. One of my dogs is at the ER vet and I feel like I should be more upset but there's a block where I can't access emotions and I miss experiencing them, even the negative ones.

This is one of the hardest symptoms. It will come with time.

[j1290]

8 hours ago, FireflyFyte said:

No noticeable withdrawals at the moment, which, as always, I am immensely grateful about 💜

You're living right, @FireflyFyte, nice job!   Congrats on getting over 50%!

 

Sorry to hear about your dog.  I hope things go well, and don't sweat the emotions, you're going to get plenty of them soon enough.  All these symptoms pass.  

[FireflyFyte]

19 hours ago, littlebird said:

Oh no, hope pup is better soon! The emotional blunting is hella hard, I'm just hoping that gets better with time. Has it gotten better as you tapered?

 

No, not really but I am also on a fairly high dose of Gabapentin which might be dampening as well.

 

16 hours ago, Thorin said:

This is one of the hardest symptoms. It will come with time.

 

Thank you for the reminder. I am trying to stay patient but it's not one of my strong suits.

 

13 hours ago, j1290 said:

Sorry to hear about your dog.  I hope things go well, and don't sweat the emotions, you're going to get plenty of them soon enough.  All these symptoms pass.  

 

Thanks, she is home which is a relief and looking forward to feeling more feelings as I continue to taper.

[FireflyFyte]

On Friday, I forgot to take my morning dose of Gabapentin as well as my Prozac. This was not a purposeful act but the result of stress (my dog still not feeling well) causing forgetfulness and realizing far too late in the day that I had missed both.

 

That evening, I cried due to worry about my dog. While the emotions were unpleasant, there was some comfort in actually experiencing them. There was a moment that I thought of simply dropping the medications so I could continue to be more human but I know that it is a foolish idea and I need to continue my slow taper.

[Thorin]

4 hours ago, FireflyFyte said:

On Friday, I forgot to take my morning dose of Gabapentin as well as my Prozac. This was not a purposeful act but the result of stress (my dog still not feeling well) causing forgetfulness and realizing far too late in the day that I had missed both.

 

That evening, I cried due to worry about my dog. While the emotions were unpleasant, there was some comfort in actually experiencing them. There was a moment that I thought of simply dropping the medications so I could continue to be more human but I know that it is a foolish idea and I need to continue my slow taper.

Glad you got to express some of the built up emotion around your dog FfF. Also good for you to know that when the levels of med in your system are lower it’ll all come back. So hard continuing to take this stuff when you just want your life back.

[FireflyFyte]

13 hours ago, Thorin said:

Glad you got to express some of the built up emotion around your dog FfF. Also good for you to know that when the levels of med in your system are lower it’ll all come back. So hard continuing to take this stuff when you just want your life back.

 

Thank you, Thorin. It did feel relieving to express emotions and will try to hold onto that as a great reason to continue my tapers.

[FireflyFyte]

Made another drop last night in Olanzapine so am now at 1.14mg.

 

Emotions are coming to the surface but, thus far, they have all been negative - depression, feelings of worthlessness, and some anxiety. I am now playing the "is this withdrawal or my baseline" game which is not the best game, I must admit. If they deepen, I might hold at 1.14mg a little longer than two weeks but will decide in the next 10 days or so.

 

Otherwise, not much to report. My dog is feeling better thanks to a high dose of prednisone which we will eventually wean her off but, for now, she is comfortable.

[Thorin]

5 hours ago, FireflyFyte said:

Made another drop last night in Olanzapine so am now at 1.14mg.

 

Emotions are coming to the surface but, thus far, they have all been negative - depression, feelings of worthlessness, and some anxiety. I am now playing the "is this withdrawal or my baseline" game which is not the best game, I must admit. If they deepen, I might hold at 1.14mg a little longer than two weeks but will decide in the next 10 days or so.

 

Otherwise, not much to report. My dog is feeling better thanks to a high dose of prednisone which we will eventually wean her off but, for now, she is comfortable.

For me difficult emotions came back first. Positive ones later. It’s all a sigh of healing. The return of any emotions is a sign of god things to come.

[littlebird]

49 minutes ago, Thorin said:

The return of any emotions is a sign of god things to come.

Been trying to tell myself this a lot lately! 

[Thorin]

4 minutes ago, littlebird said:

Been trying to tell myself this a lot lately! 

Good not god! I really struggled at the point where you are. All I felt was pain and difficult things. I addressed those things in therapy and slowly good things started to come back to too. Time, patience, self care and support we’re everything.

[Thorin]

40 minutes ago, Thorin said:

46 minutes ago, littlebird said:

Been trying to tell myself this a lot lately! 

Good not god! I really struggled at the point where you are. All I felt was pain and difficult things. I addressed those things in therapy and slowly good things started to come back to too. Time, patience, self care and support were everything.

Thought this was FfF but it applies to everyone LB!

[j1290]

7 hours ago, FireflyFyte said:

Emotions are coming to the surface but, thus far, they have all been negative - depression, feelings of worthlessness, and some anxiety. I am now playing the "is this withdrawal or my baseline" game which is not the best game, I must admit.

@Thorin

@littlebird

are totally right.  I guess that's just the way it works, at least for me, I got emotional lability, anxiety, irritability, all that stuff much stronger than I got positive feelings.   Lucky for me a good laugh goes a long way in healing.   

 

That's the eternal question, is it baseline or WD?!?  And I know which answer my anxious mind is drawn to!!!  😂 You said a mouthful, it's the worst parlour game ever, second only to tapering itself.   All those things have gradually passed and improved, despite feeling like they never would.  It's been slow but steady progress in my experience.   

 

That first day of a reduction gets a quick negative emotional reaction too, come think of it.   Then I get a few days of hypomania before the WD symptoms.  

 

Congrats on the reduction, and glad to hear things are improving with your dog!

[FireflyFyte]

13 hours ago, Thorin said:

For me difficult emotions came back first. Positive ones later. It’s all a sigh of healing. The return of any emotions is a sign of god things to come.

 

It's good to know that what I am going through is not a singular case. 

 

12 hours ago, Thorin said:

Good not god! I really struggled at the point where you are. All I felt was pain and difficult things. I addressed those things in therapy and slowly good things started to come back to too. Time, patience, self care and support we’re everything.

 

I am in therapy currently so will talk to my therapist about this development and see if they have any suggestions/guidance.

 

11 hours ago, j1290 said:

are totally right.  I guess that's just the way it works, at least for me, I got emotional lability, anxiety, irritability, all that stuff much stronger than I got positive feelings.   Lucky for me a good laugh goes a long way in healing.   

 

That's the eternal question, is it baseline or WD?!?  And I know which answer my anxious mind is drawn to!!!  😂 You said a mouthful, it's the worst parlour game ever, second only to tapering itself.   All those things have gradually passed and improved, despite feeling like they never would.  It's been slow but steady progress in my experience.   

 

I really need to invest in laughing more. 

 

Suppose I also need to invest in more patience and realize that this will pass.

[FireflyFyte]

Made my latest drop yesterday and am now at 1.08mg. I am going to make two more drops and then will hold for a few weeks before I start tapering my Gabapentin down. I would really like to get down to 400mg/day and see if some of my emotional blunting lifts. Hopefully my Gabapentin taper is as uneventful as my Olanzapine taper.

 

I have been dealing with some depression this weekend but not entirely sure that I can contribute it to withdrawals or not. I should probably start a symptom tracker again so I can have a better understanding.

 

I am also working on not feeling overwhelmed by becoming a moderator but am grateful to be able to give back to a community that has been so supportive of me.