success ☼ Alex Withdrawal or Relapse?

[Nikki]

Alex is it really true that the good times become more and more?  You seem to be doing well.  I am very happy for you.

 

Hugs  than you for checking in on me.

[mammaP]

Hope you are still doing great Alex, it's lovely to see you having a good window. 

[alex]

Alex is it really true that the good times become more and more?  You seem to be doing well.  I am very happy for you.

 

Hugs  than you for checking in on me.

 

Hello Nikki and mammaP; YES! it gets better!

I am having very clear windows, and more often and longer every day.....

I can count 6 very good days, 7 fairly good, and only 2 bad days in this month.

VERY CLEAR window last night that I had to sing in a private party;flamenco party....can you imagine??

 

IT GETS BETTER. PERIOD.

 

Hugs, A.

[mammaP]

Wow that is some achievement! Congratulations Alex 

[Nikki]

Singing is such a wonderful thing.....keep at it:)

[alex]

Awsome day today!! almost symptom free...

It keeps getting better and better.

 

Keep your faith and DON'T give up!

 Hugs, A.

[alex]

Uncomfortable wave of dysphoria, anxiety, tiredness, neuro-fear.

I can count 11 days of clear windows this month...

Lingering symptoms: broken sleep, PSSD.

 

Keeping the faith that I'll keep improving.

[alex]

Scary wave of dysphoria since 3 days ago.

Intense surges of anxiety, fear, thoughts of death.

OMG, I don't know how much longer I can take this terrible conditiion.

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

Dear sweet Alex,

 

Waves always feel like they will never end but you know from past experience that they do. Please hang on tight, you are an inspiration to all of us here. The stress of this time of the year will soon be back down and I know that things will settle out for you.

[alex]

Thank you CW,today is the third day of awful dysphoria.

After a quite good month, I am in a nasty wave;depression, anxiety, and the scary thoughts about death.

I don't know if anyone can relate to the intrusive persistent thoughts about death...

 

Very tired and scared.

[Petunia]

I don't know if anyone can relate to the intrusive persistent thoughts about death...

 

... yes I can.  It seems to be part of this withdrawal process for some of us.  I find myself waking up to frightening, unpleasant thoughts almost every morning.  I'm learning how to stay calm with deep breathing and by letting the thoughts go, its not always easy though.

 

This wave will pass Alex, hang in there, more windows are coming soon.

[alex]

Thank you my dear Petu,

I am feeling a little better.

I believe in the power of the spirit, and the millions of years of evolution that makes our body such a wonderful machine.

I believe in healing from this terrible condition, because I've felt improvement although very slowly.

You,like the rest of the people here, are a wonderful, brave woman, and sooner or later your healing will come.I am sure.

 

Hanging on, and living the day.

[mammaP]

Glad you are feeling a little better Alex, I know those thoughts and feelings too but they do pass.

I hope this wave is on it's way out for you. 

[Nikki]

 

I don't know if anyone can relate to the intrusive persistent thoughts about death...

 

... yes I can.  It seems to be part of this withdrawal process for some of us.  I find myself waking up to frightening, unpleasant thoughts almost every morning.  I'm learning how to stay calm with deep breathing and by letting the thoughts go, its not always easy though.

 

This wave will pass Alex, hang in there, more windows are coming soon.

 

Ditto on that Petu

 

Alex is it worse in the morning? We wake up un-recovered in the morning, particularly if we had a sleepless night.  I had to look up dsyphoria ~ didn't know what it was.  Yes I have it and I am trying to keep it on a low burner.

 

Holidays are triggers for alot of us in terms of fear, anxiety, sadness, death, loneliness, looking back over the past year  and a host of other issues.  I would say it is the timing for you right now.  For all of us actually.

 

You have had many good windows and seem to be progressing, try to consider this a slight detour.

 

Hugs

[alex]

Thank you Nikki and mammaP.

Yes, I guess it must be the time of the year.

I feel better this morning,after a quite good sleep.

 

Hugs,A.

 

P.S.I am 17 months off today.

[alex]

I'm having one of the worst waves in a long time;5 days already of nasty feelings of anxiety, depression, exhaustion, broken sleep.

I am really concerned about how much longer I can take this terrible situation.

This is no life;what is the point of living through this hell...suffering day and night, without knowing when or if it will stop.

I have this intense sense of doom, that my life has been ruined by the f*****g meds.

I think a lot about death.This is really horrible stuff.

I don't want to die, but I don't to live like this.

What a cruel way to get older.......

I am still alive, but  am dead inside.

That is the terrible truth.

I am sorry for this negative post.

I feel I'm dying here.

[Petunia]

Two steps forward, one step back, five steps forward, one step back, one step forward, two steps back.  It sounds like you are going through a particularly bad wave Alex. But you are recovering, if you look back through your thread.  Maybe its the stress of the holidays causing a lot of us to feel worse at the moment.

 

But you will feel better again soon, you always do.  I know how hard it is to continue to have hope and feel positive when we are in the middle of a bad wave, its like as if it will always be this way, but that's a trick of the wave and not true.

 

Hang in there Alex, another big, clear window is coming soon.

[Barbarannamated]

Oh, Alex... your words ring so true for me, too. I'm sorry you're in such an awful wave and agree that it may be related to the holidays.

 

This is a cruel ride. Hang in there.

 

B~

[mammaP]

Keep riding it Alex, it WILL pass, take care of yourself meantime. 

[Petunia]

How are you doing Alex, I haven't seen you online for a few days.

[alex]

Hello good and brave people.

I just came back from a 8 days holyday trip to the paradisiacal beaches of Costa Rica.

I was very scared to have to sleep in a different enviroment;it was my first time out of my place since this ordeal begun.

To my surpise everything went much better than what I thought.

I was able to sleep quite good and symptoms were low and tolerable, with the exception of two bad-wave days.

All this made me happy and hopeful;bad news is that I've been hit by a nasty wave of anxiety,high night cortisol, depression, since yesterday...pretty bad.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm gonna be able to endure this terrible condition;feeling tired and scared right now.

Vey hard to find meaning to the suffering.

 

Thank you for been there for me.

 

Hugs,A.

[alex]

Anxiety has subsided today....VERY tired though.

 

Hanging on.

 

DOES IT END???

[Petunia]

Happy to hear you had a nice holiday Alex and that it mostly went well.  Even though you still get some waves sometimes, you seem to be doing very well with recovery.

[alex]

Thank you my dear friend.

Keep on walking and keep the faith.

Things will sart SLOWLY getting better.

 

 Hugs,A.

[Lexy]

I'm glad you went on vacation. I Bet a year ago you didn't think you'd be able to go.

Great progress!

[Needmylifeback]

I realize this thread is older.... But I wanted to add to Gia's comment re melatonin not being good for everyone. It gave me profound headaches!! Luckily when I asked my pharmacist if any of my meds were interacting, after checking my meds he asked if I had recently added or increased melatonin. I had! He said he took it and had the same Severe head pain. Checked it out and found the vivid dreams and nightmares along with sharp head pain as side effects some people feel on melatonin.

 

So you will only know by trying it for yourself... Go slow... And start low... Any negative side effects common to melatonin just stop taking it.

 

I suffered whiplash from a car accident in spring 2002 resulting in terrifying migraines. Inside of a year of the neuro dr giving me and taking away from me multiple SSRI's, benzos, tricyclics, AD, anti siezures meds.... Non stop throwing my life into a tailspin. Until almost a year later, I went 16days not sleeping.... I would doze off and instantly jerk back awake. But could never fully fall asleep. That was early 2003.

 

I still struggle with the delicate pursuit of sleep ever since then.

 

I have seen this concept promoted here.... Its one I have found works well for me: don't stress about not being fully asleep. The stress of not getting the sleep we need makes it harder to sleep. So instead I lie quietly in the very dark and rest.... Consciously full relaxing each area of my body to be certain I am resting as much as I have the ability to do. I can't control if I will fall asleep! But I can ensure my mind and body receive sufficient rest for sound and light and stimulation.

 

Plus I count it as success when I can rest through out a night!! Rest is truly beneficial even if I don't get the sleep I desire every night

 

My condition has meant having a few good moments or hours or days where I am able to accomplish something! While other times I am then knocked back down to being bedridden for weeks or months. Accepting and embracing each moment means finding what's joyful about each phase. When I go down I KNOW I will be back up again... But for now I can catch up on things like skyping with grandbabies, reading articles, self care. And when I am up and on the go... I can enjoy that and still know that I will still go back down again.... But it's not permanent!! So for while I feel well I can enjoy every moment of what I can do.

 

For your ups and downs find something joyful you can do in each phase.... Even if it's just the peace of lying in a cool dark room at night to rest your mind and body.

[alex]

I'm glad you went on vacation. I Bet a year ago you didn't think you'd be able to go.

Great progress!

 

ABSOLUTELY!!!

 

Hugs,A.

[alex]

My sleep is getting worse than ever.

Could it be that I tapered off the last 0.8 Xanax a few days ago??

 

Scared.

[lexicon]

Hi Alex,

Congratulations on having tapered the xanax ..

Awesome Alex .. Now you can enjoy life, drug free

Thinking of you, and hoping to follow in your footsteps ..

I think that your sleep will improve, as time passes .. Just hang in there ..

Keeping you in thought and prayer, always ..

Wishing you many blessings,

Lexicon

[Meimeiquest]

Hi Alex, I'm not a Xanax person, but isn't that a big dose to jump from? I know you still your AD WD, so just wondering.

[alex]

Well, I don't know what is going on anymore.

The only thing I know is that I am having a BIG relapse in my insomnia, and that makes all the symptoms a lot worse.

I am feeling very tired from all this.

I don't know if I'll have the strenght to endure this terrible ordeal.

I think a lot about death.

I need some encouragement.

I need some help, PLEASE!!!

[Petunia]

My sleep is getting worse than ever.

Could it be that I tapered off the last 0.8 Xanax a few days ago??

 

 

This sounds like a high dose to jump off from, I thought you had tapered lower already.  But even so, if your last dose was just a few days ago, then I'm sure its a factor, you may need to reinstate and go slower.

 

You will get through this Alex, getting off the xanax is the last step.

[alex]

Thank you my good friends.

I can't believe such a tiny dose (0.8mg) can make such a difference.

I'll reinstate tonight and see if there is a difference.

 

Thanks again for been there for me.

[Lexy]

How much are you reinstating by?

I was given Xanax At the beginning, Dr told me I could take 3/day. I was using it for panic attacks, only when needed.

And then only a half. Now if I have anxiety I'll take 1/8 of a tablet. That little bit works to relieve some of symptoms. Lately it's about 3 times a months that I take 1/8.

[alex]

How much are you reinstating by?

 

 

0.8mgs aprox.

[alex]

Hello guys, I'm afraid I've been giving you the WRONG information about the Xanax dose I've been taking.

It is not 0.8mg; is much less than that: it is around 0.06-0.05mg. It is less than one eighth of miligram

That is why I mentioned that it was a very low dose.Even so, I reinstated that low dose last night, and yes, it made a big difference in my sleep.Incredible!

Now I would really appreciate you enlight me what to do next...I want to be drug free, but how to lower such a low dose is something I don't know.

 

Feeling better today.