success ☼ Alex Withdrawal or Relapse?

[Lexy]

Felicidades!!

[alex]

Thank you Petu and Lexy.

 

Muchas gracias!

[alex]

Despite the fact that I've had a lot of improvement during the day symptoms, the sleep cycle is destroyed.

Very bad broken sleep.

I am going through a very tough money situation.

Life has become a struggle for survival.

Every day I have to deal with the awful thought if this is worth living.

The ONLY thing that keeps me going is the hope that it can get better.

If I only could sleep better........

Scared and tired.

[mammaP]

Alex I'm sorry you are having such a hard time with money, I hope you can find some 

way of easing the situation.  

 

Insomnia is terrible, I go through phases of very little or no sleep and it is awful. I was going

to say it's a nightmare but you have to sleep to have a nightmare!! 

 

Hoping that you can get even a few hours of sleep tonight. 

[johnson]

Alex keep fighting.  How is the PSSD?

[alex]

Hello mamma and johnson;

My main problem now is insomnia;I have seen ALOT of improvement in  the symptoms during the day as I've said before.

I just hope that this will lift up soon.It is, at least for me, very scary.I used to be a very good sleeper all my life.

Johnson,regarding PSSD, I stll have very bad premature ejaculation;but my libido and "performance" is not bad, and for a 60 yr old guy like me that is good.

Maybe PE is getting a little better, or I have more control, or both.

 Thank you for your support.

[Petunia]

My main problem now is insomnia;I have seen ALOT of improvement in  the symptoms during the day as I've said before.

I just hope that this will lift up soon.It is, at least for me, very scary.I used to be a very good sleeper all my life.

 

Remember that you very recently stopped taking Xanax, which was probably helping you sleep, you will adjust in time.

 

Hugs

Petu

[alex]

Quite a tolerable night's sleep last night.

No benzo.

I wake up frequently but go back to sleep.

No cortisol mornings.

Hopefully starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

[tezza]

This is grand!

 

Hugs!

[alex]

Thank you my dear Tezza.

My scenario has changed;no more awful dysphoria.Have to deal with neuro-fear,anxiety and depression, but not at the horrible levels anymore.

Going to a rehersal later;I'll be singing this presentation in April, in RUSSIAN!!

 

Hugs,A.

[alex]

After a quite tolerable night, I wake up but go back to sleep easily, I'm having one of the best days in this process.

Very clear window, not only anxiety-depression free, but happy, hopeful feelings, much more energy

 

It gets better, no doubt.

And the lesson learned is priceless.

[Nikki]

I love when you post about feeling well....happy for you and inspiring:)

[alex]

A wave of dysphoria-anxiety-depression today.Loud tinnitus.

Uncomfortable but bearable.

If others have succeeded, I will too.

Thank you Nikki.

[lexicon]

Hi my dear Alex,

 

Thinking about you.. Rejoicing in your well times, and saddened in your bad ..

But Alex, it looks like your worst is getting better,

and soon you will be completely free of these symptoms that rub you, of your wellbeing.

 

You just have to believe that, and not loose hope ..

Please know that I think about you, and hold you in prayer ..

 

This too shall pass dear Alex .. Just hang in there .❤️

 

Love, Lexi

 

PS. Alex, what has helped me with sleep, is Doctor's Best Magnesium Glycinate .. It is calming during the day too .. Try it, if you have not already ..xx

[alex]

 

Hello dear Lex;Yes, my worst is not that bad and my good moments are much better.

Thank you for your kind words, you are a sweet person.

We will make it together Lexi, I have no doubt in my mind.

 

Love to you too,A.

[alex]

Quite good sleep last night, after a quite good day yesterday (Sunday)

No more Cortisol nights or mornings.

Looking good today also.

I think I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

[mammaP]

Glad you are feeling better Alex, hope it continues for you 

[alex]

Uncomfortable wave of dysphoria;neuro-fear,anxiety,depression.

Not as bad though.

Sleeping better last few nights.

[alex]

Yesterday I had a significant improvement in one of the most persistent symptom:PSSD.

This gives me hope and even though I know I am not out yet, it's a very good sign.

Symptoms during the day waxe and wane,but they are bearable. and some days are even good.

Sleep is getting slowly better, and I am not taking any med anymore.I am psy med FREE!

Waves are getting shorter and milder and windows are getting longer and better

I am healing.

No doubt.

[mammaP]

That is fantastic news Alex, I am really happy for you. 

[alex]

Thank you mammaP.

Another clear window today, almost symptom free.

19 months since the last dose of Effexor

[Petunia]

Every time you write about having clear windows, it gives me more hope.  I'm so glad things continue to improve for you Alex

[alex]

Every time you write about having clear windows, it gives me more hope.  I'm so glad things continue to improve for you Alex

 

TIME HEALS; there is no doubt about it.

I remember with terror how bad I was at 9 months off...almost died.

Those days are over.

I continue to recover, although very slowly.

It is quite an experience to see that one symptom that used to scare you, is not there anymore....

Hang in there my dear Petu;you have been doing a great job.You wil get to the the promised land.

[alex]

I am in a bad wave of fear, discouragement,depression....

Although I've had much better days latetly,(I can count 14 days very good days last month) this wave scares the hell out of me.

I get the awful thoughts "will I ever heal from this...." or "is this as good as it gets..."

Death thoughts are ALWAYS present, not as strong as they used to, but very scary mental state.

OMG, I hope I have the strength to endure this.

[Petunia]

You will be ok Alex, its just another wave and will pass.  Your waves are getting shorter all the time, maybe by the time you read this it would have passed already.

 

The thoughts you have while in a wave are not real, so let them float by.  You DO have the strength to endure this.  You are getting stronger all the time.

 

(hugs)

[Nikki]

Alex the death thoughts are something I think most of us never had prior to taking antidepressants.  It just does something to us that brings it on.

 

And then there is the overwhelming fear and depression that creeps up.  It is insidious.  I don't know how else to say it.  It comes on and it builds up steam and we go with it.  Sometimes we simply can't control it.  You are not alone.  Is there any stress related stuff going on?

 

I am learning to ask myself if the 'fear' is unfounded or a signal.  Right now for me it is a signal, which means I have real reasons for the fear.

 

Log onto anxiety.com  MoodyBlues sent it to me and it  made a good impression.  I have remembered some of it to help me out.

 

You have come a long way.  Try and float with it when it crops up.

 

One other thing that has helped....I am learning to stop and ask myself if the situation is 'neutral', just a situation and where am I going with my thinking.  Am   I awfulizing, creating worst case scenarios (I am good at that). I am reading a book by Dr. Richard Carlson (I forgot the name) WD does that.

 

Hope this helps

[alex]

Thank you Dear Petu and Nikki.

Fear;fear is the big enemy in this process.

Waves still come, but not as strong as they used to be.

I have seen important improvement in symptoms like night and morning cortisol; it is almost gone.That is a HUGE relief.

 

Thank you for your kind words.

 

Hugs,A.

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

Oh Alex,

That you had so many good days is simply amazing! No wonder you get upset when a downturn comes. It's only human, we all despair when we feel bad. I really admire how you stick with it and post how you are doing. Keep telling yourself it will pass and it surely will. You have such strength and you give us all hope.

[alex]

Thank you CW.

As a manner of fact, I am in a bad wave today also...neuro-fear,anxiety,depression.

I am afraid and concerned if I am gonna be able to endure this....I am 60 yrs old;I feel sooo tired.

Oh please,I need some encouragement.

[Jemima]

Just keep in mind that those "bad" waves are your body healing itself, which, like lots of worthwhile medical procedures, doesn't feel very good until it's over.     

[Petunia]

Hi Alex,

You are going to be ok, this wave is lasting a little longer than the last one, but it will pass and most likely, the window which follows will also be longer and clearer.  If you are tired its because your body is using its energy to heal your nervous system some more, rest and let it do what it needs to do.

 

Maybe read back through your thread and see how far you have come in your recovery.

 

You tell me to keep walking.  So I'm saying it right back.  Keep walking because the miracle might be around the very next corner and if you stop, you will never see it.

 

(hugs)

[alex]

Thank you so much Jemima and Petu.

It is so hard sometimes....

I am going to try to rest now.

[alex]

In a bad wave still....awful chemical feeling;tiredness,depression,dysphoria.

I feel scared,hopeless.

I don't have energy even to write down what I am going through.

Afraid of going to bed tonight and have ANOTHER bad night.

I don't know how much longer I can live like this....

I'm sorry.

[mammaP]

This will pass Alex, I know how it feels when a wave comes, they all seem worse than the last 

and feel like they will never end. But they DO end and this one will too.  

You have come a long way and  one day will be better,hang on to that thought, it is getting better. 

[Narcissus]

Alex, I am in the same boat exactly.  Hang on!  It's going to stop rocking soon.  Look back at your old posts, days when you felt good.  For me this is sometimes my only comfort.  

 

Don't forget, we're in this with you! 

[alex]

Thank you mammaP and Narcissus for your kind words and support.

This is a tough challenge indeed.

Feeling a little better now.

 

Hugs.