success ☼ Alex Withdrawal or Relapse?

[alex]

I think I have entered in a plateau where things (symptoms) have gotten different from the last months.

Anxiety has subsided a lot;it comes and goes,but not as powerful as before anymore.

Horrible cortisol nights and mornings are very rare now.

Still have broken sleep, but been able to get back to sleep, and have some rest.

Anhedonia and a lack of joy for life is the main thing now...I have to make an effort to try to enjoy what it used to be natural for me.

PSSD is still here in the form of premature ejaculation;but at least I can get some decent sex with my GF,who is aware of the problem, and very helpful and loving.

There are moments, like right now, when I get this nice feeling of peace, despite the strong stressors that I have.

 

Growing and learning through this hard process.

Never in my life I imagined what these meds can do to you....

 

At 22 months off, I can say I continue to improve;albeit SLOWLY.

 

PS.Yes I am taking 500mg Mag. at night, 1200mg Omega 3 and 500mg Vitamin C in the morning.

[Jemima]

You're definitely getting better, Alex.  What you describe is just what I went through during my last months in withdrawal. There's still a bit of anhedonia and some sleeping difficulties, but things are vastly better than they were even six months ago.  Keep on truckin'!

[alex]

Thank you dear J;anxiety, one of the worse symptoms, has subsided, now is the terribly broken sleep...

Very tired in the morning as a result of it;no awful cortisol mornings anymore though.

 

Hugs,A.

[alex]

As I said, I've entered a plateau,where anxiety and DP,(especially anxiety) have subsided a lot:65-70% and some days more.

But what worries me is that awful broken sleep doesn't seem to get better;I can manage to get back to sleep, but it is scary, that I wake up 7-8 times during the night....

I am not able to get not even 2 hrs of solid sleep...

 

Scary and frustrating.

I hope it gets better, as the other symptoms had.

[Petunia]

What supplements are you taking now Alex?  Maybe add that into your signature.

[alex]

Hi dear Petu;long time no see....

I am taking Omega 3 1200mg Vit.C 500mg and Magesium 500mg daily.

 I am sleeping better these days;I manage to get 4-5 hrs of sleep.The funny thing is that even if I wake up, I don't recall it next day.

 

I've entered a plateau where things are not so bad...

 

How are you, dear Petu?

[Lexy]

I guess I have to be grateful that I experience, the opposite. I can sleep most of the day and night. I just feel extreme fatigue and aches.

I'm glad you are feeling better.

[alex]

Awful wave of anxiety today....I wonder if this is as good as it gets....

22 months off.

[alex]

Wave was short lived.

I am back to low intensity dysphoria plateau.

 

Hanging on.

[mammaP]

Hang in there Alex, you're doing great and eventually all this will be a bad memory! 

[alex]

Little update.

At 22 months off, things have gotten a lot better.

Night sleep is very much improved;I wake up, but go back to sleep, right away,5-7hrs w/o problems.Awful cortisol surges very rare now.

During the day,anxiety still here but it has subsided lets say in 60-65% and in some days even better.I can do many things I couldn't do a few months ago, watch TV,listen to music,go to places and do my things w/o getting the awful dysphoria attack.Even enjoyng life again.

Because of better sleep exhaustion feeling has improved also.

PSSD still here (PE) but coping and doing SLOWLY better.

The only physical symptom I have is tinnitus.I really pay no attention to it.

I believe at this pace,in a year from now, I'll be much much better,hopefully.

And all this, despite a very complicated stresfull personal situation.

I am not out of the woods, but terror days are very much gone.

 

We can do it fellows, it gets better.

[trouper]

sounds like you've made tons of good progress lately and are in a decent place.

[Petunia]

Hi Alex, just stopping by your thread to say I was thinking about you and hoping you are still feeling a lot better.

Petu.

[Nikki]

Alex I feel happy for you.....it is so nice to read that members are improving and can enjoy life.

 

Hugs

[lexicon]

Always holding you in thought, dear Alex

I follow your set backs, and progress .. I am delighted to see, that you are walking out of the dense woods

 

Keep on walking a bit longer, dear Alex ... You are almost there ...

 

Thinking of you, and holding you in prayer my friend ..

 

Love and hugs,

Lexi

[alex]

Thank you my dear friends.

Yes, I'm doing a lot better.

Not out of he woods yet, but much better.

The other day I was tempted to write a "partial" succes story, but I'd rather be cautious about it.

It has been in the last lets say 7 months that things have changed from terrifying, to manageable, being now the windows the rule and the waves the exception.

It is such an incredible feeling to see that life is coming back, and that I am able to do things that were impossible just a few months ago.It s truly amazing!

I know I have a long road ahead, but right now is much less dificult, and I'm sure that the complete healing is on my way.

I am eternally grateful with Altostrata and all members of this site, that literally have saved my life.

 

One thing is for sure:everyone who stays the path will eventually heal.

 

Hugs and love to you all and HANG IN THERE!!!!!

[Lexy]

Alex

 

I'm so glad for you. To know you are on your way...so close to the other side.

 

I'm in total despair, I don't even know how I got here. I'm so sorry, I don't know what to do.

[alex]

Little update: at 23 months off, dysphoria-anxiety has subsided a lot.

Dreadful,terror feelings are gone.No more cortisol nights or mornings.

Now is like a low mood feeling, and a floating anxiety and uncertainty about my future...

Thoughts about death have subsided too,but not completely.It is a weird feeling.It has changed too, a year ago I couldn't  bear anything related with death, in the news, tv, etc.

I can eat much much better, anything I want, but I try to keep it healhty.

PSSD stil here, but I manage....

The symptom that persists the most is broken sleep.I wake up SEVERAL times during the night.I get back to sleep, but is very scary and sad how my sleep pattern is messed up.

I wonder if my sleep will ever get better; this really gets me down.

Next month I will be 2 yrs off 150mg of Effexor, a name I will never forget....

 

Thank you everybody for your support, and hang in there, it gets SLOWLY better.

[Jemima]

I'm glad you're able to see your progress, Alex.  Yes, it is sloooooooooooooooooooooooooow. Even though I consider myself about 95% recovered, I still have bad days (waves or normal?  I don't know) and haven't recovered my creativity yet. I often have trouble sleeping as well. But I, too, believe that things will get better until I am all the way back to my pre-Lexapro state of mind.

 

It's good to hear from you.

[Lexy]

Alex

I'm glad for you.

I'm at 40mg of effexor and not doing good. In fact I feel so much despair.

It's been 1 month and no signs of of it getting better.

How did you cope with wave of depression? I did bit have depression before this drug.

[trouper]

i'm glad to hear you continue to make good progress. after reading some of you profile i feel we have a lot of similar symptoms so its wonderful to hear they are easing up for you. can't wait for mine to ease up

[alex]

Thank you my dear friends for your support.

Yes, I'm definetly getting out of the woods.

Very good day yesterday, enjoying with friends a lunch, watching our national football team doing great in the World Cup.

Quite a good sleep last night...

Very very low level of symptoms most of the time,getting slowly my life back.

23 months drug free.No psy med. AT ALL.

 

Hang in there, it gets better.

[alex]

Bad wave started yesterday;anxiety, doom,depression...very agitated night....

I am gettting tired of this endless circle.

Mental torture.

I'm sorry.

This month it's gonna be 2 years off; and still suffering....OMG.

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

Well the one good thing you have already seen being this long off is that your waves do not last as long as they did in the beginning. I have my fingers crossed for you that things will go back to better days soon. You have been steady as a rock and hung in there for all of this, keep it up!

[tezza]

Dear Alex,

 

I'm sorry I haven't been around for a long time. I'm also sorry this struggle seems to last so long for you and so many others. I had even started self medicating with weed and I'm sure now that it was making me even worse.

 

I had to go back on meds and still wake throughout the night so I can understand how bothersome that is.

 

I hope you recover completely, very soon!

 

Love,

T

[mammaP]

It's amazing how a wave can wipe out the memory of the windows! When a wave hits

I can forget all the good days and it feels like the wave will never end.. 

 

I hope this wave is over soon and you have some more windows, you deserve some good

windows after all this time. 

[alex]

Thank you my dear friends.

Here I am, hanging on...!

[trouper]

do you keep track of your windows and waves? looking back at the data and seeing the progress sometimes helps me get through the waves.

[alex]

do you keep track of your windows and waves? looking back at the data and seeing the progress sometimes helps me get through the waves.

 

Yes I do;and it does help.

This is a nasty wave though.... after a quite good month.

[Petunia]

I'm sorry you have been hit with another one Alex.  It seems to be the nature of a wave that they cause us to forget all our previous recovery and ability to feel good.  But even that seems to be improving for you, you can remember that you have had a good month

 

I'm sure that this wave will be over soon, they do seem to pass much more quickly for you now.

[alex]

I am back to the plateau where symptoms, (anxiety) is bearable.

Last night was "good" in the sense that I wake up, but go back to sleep, with NO anxiety or panic.

Physical symptoms: tinnitus and premature ejaculation.

Tomorrow I`m going to a friend`s house to have lunch and watch the football World Cup.Costa Rica is going for semifinals....

A year ago I couldn't do this because of intense dysphoria.

 

I have had improvement, no doubt, but WOW! this is tough!!

[NewMe]

I am reminded of the book "If you give a mouse a cookie" when I read the ups and downs through the slow progress of SSRI tapering. 

 

If you give a mouse a cookie, he will want a glass of milk to go with it. Etc LOL

 

Cute kids book.

 

I read your first post and the most recent, Alex. My gosh - you really have done very well since then. 

 

Take a bit of time to bask in your amazing success to date. You are an inspiration to me.

 

Well done!

[alex]

Thank you Newme; yes, it is the rollercoaster of hell indeed.But in the end all is worth it, if you are ssri free.

As I've said, I am not out of the woods yet, but things have changed from terrifying to difficult.

 

Our bodies and brains are able to heal from the SSRI injury, that's a fact.

 

Hugs,A.

[alex]

Bad wave today:anxiety,depression, hopelessness....

Thinking if this is wd or relapse;because my personal situation is bad enough to be depressed.The thing is that when I am in a window, I feel ok despite my difficult situation...and for my experience with depression I can tell this is different;now I have moments,days of wellbeing, major depression was relentless...

 

Damn this is hard!!

 

Hanging on,What else can I do??

[NewMe]

I am a huge advocate of a 12 step program for the goal of daily peace as I move through this. Without it, I would allow the depression to worsen and not understand gratefulness to the degree I now do. AA AL anon, etc. I know you can do this. You have proven it thus far - if you have a 12 step program, now is the time to be proactive in helping yourself become even more well. 

 

Change the way you think and change brain chemistry. 

 

We can become a creature of habit in the way we think - the 12 step offers hope that we can find peace no matter our circumstance. I know I had resigned myself to living depressed and afraid forever both on and off the meds. That stinkin thinkin is what helped hold me in giving up on myself in getting off this medication as well as my dance with benzos.  This is just what I have found to help me.

 

Gentle hugs

[alex]

Thank you NewMe,for your words.

I know the 12 step program;as a matter of fact, I'm trying to live one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time.

I'm still pretty much in the wave-window pattern but continuously improving.

My nights are better, and overwhelming symptoms are gone.When a wave hits, it's not as half as powerful as before.

 

I love your avatar.

 

Hugs to you.