success ☼ Alex Withdrawal or Relapse?

[alex]

After a quite good night, an almost symptom free day today...

Very very low anxiety, good mood, energy; the only noticeable symptoms: tinnitus and coarse voice (due to anxiety)

[Jemima]

You sound much better than you did just a few months ago, Alex. 

[alex]

Thank you for your support J.

Yes, my good days are much better, and the bad ones not so bad....

Getting better day by day.

 

Hugs,A.

[alex]

Hit by a wave since yesterday;awful sleep last night,anxiety,depression, thinking if this is going to be it.

Suicidal thoughts;like I don't want to die, but I don't want to live like this...

 

I am sorry.

[trouper]

it will pass, alex, and you will get past it and be happy again, like you always have.  just look at your positive views you just posted july 10th. the amygdala is highjacking your rational mind right now and when it calms down, you will feel better and think more clearly. in the meantime be mindful and realize you've got 2 years of healing under your belt and the worst is over.... you got past the worst and you will get past this as well.

 

thank your amydgala for doing its job to alert you of possible dangers, a little to well, but tell it its time to calm down and take a back seat. i think of my amydgala like a small scared child...  when i realize its withdrawals and my amygdala making me anxious and depressed and not real things happening it helps me to calm down, as i know its still healing and will get better. deep slow breaths do wonders as well...  another thing i try to think about is how often does the anxiety take over like this? and how often are you feeling okay? i feel like you do now when it hits me and i spiral, but in reality its usually only a few hours every few days to a week. thats a lot of time when i feel decent and it keeps getting better. its only when we are in it that we think its infinite.

 

take care. deep breaths..

[alex]

Anothet bad day with awful wave of dysphoria,anxiety-DP hopelessness,tiredness, the whole combo...

 

Am I gonna be able to endure this for unlimited time...??

That and many others is my question.

[skybert]

Sorry that you are struggling alex. When it lifts you'll remember why you endure. It seems no matter how many times we go through this we are never prepared to handle this altered state of being. At times it seems realer than the normal self, but it's not, it just feels that way no matter what we do. 

You know this, but it gets buried by the struggling CNS every time. Just keep going alex. It will all be worth it you just cant see it right now.

[alex]

I can barely write; I am in a very bad shape.

The worst wave in months.

Struggling for my mife.

Help!

[skybert]

So so sorry this is happening to you alex.. Keep going it will pass this time too.  

[tezza]

Hi Alex,

 

I'm sorry things have been so rough lately! I hope you have a good, long window very soon!

 

HUGS

[trouper]

after i have crappy waves, i usually feel considerably better after it passes. i hope this is the same for you.. that your brain is trying to mend and figure things out right now... take care.

[alex]

Thank you skybert,trouper an Tezza.

Here I am hanging on;last night, for the first time in all the process, I couldn't sleep,at all.

This is almost unbearable for me;I don't know why insomnia scares me so much, but it does...

[trouper]

alex,

i printed this list nadia wrote and i keep it by my bed and read it during bad times.

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6129-the-importance-of-feeling-good/?p=84005

 

as for insomnia, i took an insomnia class and learned a few things that helped ease my anxiety with insomnia:

1) a night or 2 without sleep doesn't do much harm

2) even when you are only half asleep in alpha, it still counts towards sleep

 

this morning i woke up to a rapid heartbeat and high cortisol like i haven't had in months. i think my brain is just working some kinks out and i know its temporary and will probably happen again in the morning but i still believe the worst waves (that aren't related to a setback) are the most healing.

 

when i have trouble sleeping, I've been listening to sleep meditations or sounds. on youtube there are a few 8+ hour sound videos that may help as well like this one.

 

petu listens to jody whiteley here:

https://www.youtube.com/user/jodywhiteley

 

when my chemicals are bad, i zone in and out for hours while listening, but again, the time counts towards sleep! this wave will pass. you will have restful nights again shortly.  take a nap in the afternoon when chemicals calm down if you can.

[alex]

I am in a very bad shape.

After quite a good month in June, this month has been a horrrible setback.

Last night I didn't sleep at all; after 2 yrs off, how can this be happening???

Very very depresed, suicidal;Thinking the way to finish it all.

I am sorry, I feel I can't fight anymore...

Btw, I wonder why the administrator of this site, NEVER has a word for me....

 

I am dying, seriously.

[trouper]

did you ever read this book?

http://www.amazon.com/Recovery-Renewal-Overcoming-Tranquillisers-Antidepressants/dp/1849055343/

 

around her 2 year mark she had a horrible wave/setback.. worst she had in 6 months and it ended up being one of her last.....i hear that happens with a lot of people. please, hang in there. its almost over.

[Nikki]

Dear Alex...

 

You had a good June and now depression has set in?  Alex comb thru support groups to find out if the 20 month mark is a biggy like Trouper said.  Knowing that  may help.

 

Suicidal ideation is something that happens from these drugs.  Never had it before Lexapro.  Are you able to get out of the house, got to work, etc?

 

Alex do you live alone?  If not tell the person/people in the house about how poorly you are feeling.  Sometimes just having someone holding our hand makes a big difference.

 

I am not familiar with Effexor WD after being off of it.  Who here has been thru this?  PM them and talk to them......I did suggest visiting other sites where you may find others out as long as you.....

 

Please hang in there Alex.  Hugs

[Lexy]

Alex

I am in the same boat since May. I'm still at 40mg

And wondering when will this end.

I am struggling day by day.

Having a pet really helps me.

[alex]

Thank you everybody;I am so sorry for the dramatic tone of my last post....

It's just that I feel so so bad,that it is hard not to loose control.

 

I am hanging on.

[Petunia]

Hi Alex,

I'm sorry, I only just read your last post, I had a very bad wave hit me on Monday, (yesterday) one of the worst in a long time like you, very very scary. I just wrote about it in my thread earlier today. I'm not sure about this, because of the time difference, but I think your completely sleepless night was happening at the exact same time I was having my nightmare day. 

 

No need to be sorry, most of us know how this chemical fear takes over our mind and body, there is very little control, it breaks down even the strongest among us. 

 

How are you now? 

 

Many people seem to be having a particularly difficult time at the moment, all around the world, it seems like there are a lot of problems, conflict and for people, illness, stress and existing symptoms seem just a little worse than usual. 

 

We have to stick together and be strong, knowing that this is a temporary thing which will pass, leaving us all better versions of who we were.  I have learned that from you Alex.

 

I'm so glad to hear that you are hanging on, we all are in one way or another.... hanging onto each other, staying grounded on our planet.

 

big (hug)

 

Petu.

[alex]

Trying to cope with one of the most brutal setback in months.

My sleep has gotten worse than ever.

Intense DP,anxiety, fear and no rest by night...

If I keep like this, I wont make it.

All this after 2 yrs off and good improvement in the last months, that now fainted away.

In a very bad shape here.

Am I loosing my ability to sleep???

Just a few weeks ago I was thinking about writing a partial success story....HA! how cruel this is...

Please, I need advice to cope with this horrible insomnia; I don't know why it is so terrifying for me.

I feel so limited with my poor english...

Struggling really hard.

[Petunia]

I'm sorry you are still in this wave Alex.  But it is a temporary wave and will pass, like they all do.  Read back through your thread and you will see how far you have come.  The next window that opens up will probably be better and last longer than the last one.  I'm not sure what you have tried for the insomnia, but have a look through this thread for some ideas, the sleep section is half way down:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/604-important-topics-about-symptoms-including-sleep-problems/

 

Something I've noticed with my own pattern is that after a very bad wave, there seems to be a significant, permanent improvement in a continuing ongoing symptom. 

 

Hang in there Alex, this one will pass and you will be writing your recovery story.

[alex]

Today is my 2 years off anniversary; a very sad one...

After having steady, noticeable improvement in the last months, I'm having a horrendous relapse in my sleep.

It has gotten a lot worse.For the first time in this process, now I have full nights w/o sleep...

Life is not worth it like this...this is so cruel.

I really thought I was getting better, and  now I feel I'm loosing my ability to sleep...

I don't even know why do I write about this personal tragedy, nobody seems to read it.

I f I can't sleep, I can't live.Period.

[alex]

I am in my 2 yrs off Effexor anniversary.

Very very sad, discouraged and scared.

My sleep has gotten a lot worse.

From a "manageable" broken sleep, to full nights w/o any sleep.

How in the hell can this be possible?? I thought TIME was a healer...

I don't think I can cope with this one, really.

[trouper]

2 years! thats great! I'm sorry you aren't feeling well to enjoy it, yet.

a lot of us are in the same boat. we are getting through this together. your sleep will come back. it scares me too when i lose sleep. i'm told the body and brain know where it needs to go, it just takes awhile to get there. it's just trying to work out some stuff right now. you've gotten better with every wave you've been in for 2 years, this shouldn't be any different.

 

did you try the links i listed above? or the link petu listed?

[Narcissus]

I'm in the same boat as you Alex.  Bad set backs after a very good period.  Remember, it'll pass!  It's all part of the withdrawal pattern.

[trouper]

this thread helps when I'm in a bad spot.

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/3523-success-recovery-from-severe-zoloft-protracted-withdrawal/?p=39880

[alex]

Thank you Narc and Trouper for your concern and support.

I managed to get some rest, after several nights of restless sleep.

I am feeling better;what a fight..!!!

My personal life issues are not helping at all, it's so hard to get through when you feel like crap...

 

Hanging on.

[alex]

Back to the manageable,low symptoms plateau,after a particularly rough month...

In a clear window today, after a quite "good" night.

In the classic wave-window pattern I believe...

2 years since the last dose of Effexor.

Incredible!!!

[trouper]

so good to hear, especially the sleep!  do you notice if anything healed a bit more after the big wave?

[alex]

Hi trouper;it is difficult to say something for sure in this hellish process, but yes, I think I am sleeping better.

Morning and nights terrors are very much gone.

"floating" anxiety during the day comes and goes, but much less intense.

I do have personal life issues, and that doesn't help.

But yes, I am seeing improvement again.

 Hugs,A.

[trouper]

that is so great! i read an article recently that humans originally were only sleeping in 4 hour chunks but only within the last 200 years or so we trained ourselves and our children to sleep 8 hours. i wonder if the cortisol rising in withdrawal is unveiling an inherent sleep pattern. here is the article if you are interested:

 

http://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-16964783

 

i'm going through a bad wave myself here. worst one in awhile. I'm trying to remember the encouraging talks i give you and others when you are in tough times because i keep forgetting when it's me.

[alex]

 

i'm going through a bad wave myself here. worst one in awhile. I'm trying to remember the encouraging talks i give you and others when you are in tough times because i keep forgetting when it's me.

 

I am sorry you are in this painful situation also.

But I admire your positive and proactive attitude.

I am in my third day of quite good window, despite of many stressors that I have...

 

Hugs.

[Jemima]

YAY!!! The windows are getting longer, a very good sign!

[Nikki]

Alex you said there are some stressors in your life right now.  How does that affect the drug process?  I am having a huge issue and I can't seem to understand if I would still feel this bad if I were not WDing.

 

It's hard for me to distinguish between how much is one vs. how much is the other.

 

It is great to hear that you are sleeping and the symptoms are less intense.

 

Thank you

[Lexy]

Great to hear. Gives me hope!

[alex]

Thank you my dear Jemima,Nikki and Lexy.

What I've found out (it's my perception) is that DESPITE the circumstances, stressors, lack of sleep, etc, the healing process continues.

And Nikki, no,we wouldn't feel this bad if we were not in W/D;remember: neuro-emotions...our perception of reality is distorted by the chemical imbalance.

But, things that used to knock me out of balance, don't do it anymore.Healing  is a round the clock process;never stops.

Of course, the stressors triggers the waves, but after the storm, comes the clear skies...

As I said, my life is far from ideal now, but despite this reality,and after a very rough month, I am seeing improvement again.

 

From tropical paradise, many HUGS to you all.