direstraits Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 I feel so sad about your suffering-you always write so beautifully& I can identify w/much you have written,I don't know why life has to beso difficult but we have to reach within ourselves for strength at these times and believe things will get better-hoping you see relief soon went on Prozac 1994-99,60mg.poopout ct back on 2001-2002,prozac weekly 2002,not working,Effexor 75 mg.?2003-mar.2004 gaining weight 8wk. taper,wellbutrin 150 mg.mar. -may 2004 ctmedfree til july 2005 back to Prozac gaining weight again,back on wellbutrin jan.2006150-300 mg.bad constipation.also was taking aygestin(hormone)perimenopausal irregular bleeding.back on Prozac around sept,?2006,hysterectomy jan30.2007(adenomyosis)off&on Prozac til 2009,citalopram about 1 mo, April 2010 no effect,Effexor again may -mar, 2011.ct,Prozac aug,-dec, 2011 &sept-nov 2012,paroxetine oct,23 2013-may 4 2014 20 mgs.tapered 6 wks.-failed RI in Oct.2014-in protracted WD.started 10 mgs. Fluoxetine May 25 2021 .Stopped fluoxetine May 2022 at 5 mgs. Link to comment
alex Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 Please new year fairy, make 2015 a better year for everyone. It WILL dear Petu, it WILL. You need to be strong and hang in there! Shipko and psychiatrists don't know s****t!! I was where you are now, it is terrible, but I am doing a lot better now. From your signature: "August 2014: Starting to notice unmistakable improvements.." Hang in there dear Petu!! You will be a better wiser, stronger person when this is over. Hugs. 4 years aprox. on 150mgs.Effexor for situational major depression.No AD before.Tapered 150-0mgs in 3 months. Tapered Quetiapine,Xanax in the last 18 months.NO med of any kind anymore.First 3 months off acute w/dProtracted w/d ever since.Symptoms:Anxiety,anhedonia,insomnia,tinnitus,PSSD 04/13/2014 Awful Relapse.Recovered fairly fast. 3 years and 4 months off. waves and windows.Very much recovered. November 2015,health issue.Setback. Link to comment
Cdav Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 Petu, It really makes me sad to read how much you are suffering right now, and I know it is so disheartening when this suffering does not seem to end after so many years of waiting and trying and strugglling and hanging in there. But like many have said to you, once you feel a little better you will notice that this past year was not a waste. I joined these forums recently and you have helped me INMENSELY! So, try to notice (somehwere beneath all that fog and pain) that yout compassion and sympathy have helped so many of us who are going through the same. You helped me understand that no more med changes or additions will be the thing that will eventually help me feel better. And it has! Don't lose hope, I know it's hard not to lose it when your body is acting against yout will and causinb so much torture. But try to remember your improvements, your windows, littlr things that you've been able to enjoy. Don't lose sigh of those things. Thank you for all your help and support. -Effexor 150 mgs (2001-2009). Severe withdrawal symptoms during and after tapering for 6 months. -Pristiq 50 mg (2009-2012) Tapered over a year. Worst year of my life. -Prozac 20 mg (2012) Tapered over 6 moths to ease withdrawal. Still had severe WD symptoms. - (2012-2014) Doctor tried more than 20 medications for depression and WD, leaving me hypersensitive, and in protracted withdrawal. - Most debilitating symptoms during protracted withdrawal have been deep depression, anxiety, brain zaps, fatigue, akathisia, twitching, headaches and terrible PMS. -January 2015: Started Lamictal 12.5 mg, increased to 25 mg.- Bad reaction when updosed to 50 mg. Stopped. -February 2015: Doctor tried new antidepressant Brintellix - Horrible reaction. Discontinued completely. Severe AKATHISIA started. -March 2015: Started TMS therapy (Transcranial magnetic stimulation) for severe depression. Didn't work. -July 23-August 12: Had 10 ECT sessions which took away my protracted withdrawal symptoms including: akathisia, brain zaps, muscle twitches, fatigue and depression. Stopped medications. -September 2015: Experiencing bouts of depression again and muscle twitching. -March 2016: Started 20 mg Nortryptiline for depression. It helped. -August 2016: Slowly tapering Nortryptiline. Link to comment
Moderator brassmonkey Posted December 31, 2014 Moderator Share Posted December 31, 2014 Eighteen months after going through all the drug changes that you did in 2012-13 and your feeling "noticeable improvements" is wonderful. Dealing with the frustration of thinking you're getting nowhere is one of the hardest thing. You have to grab on to every little good feeling/ improvement, remember it and cherish it. Showers aren't just for getting clean they are a daily reminder of the the joy of the feeling of the water running over your body, the sensuality of the warmth, the washing away of the negative energy. Experience them in that manner and loot forward to them. I have found working my way through WD as a reawakening of the senses and made myself stop and try to find the smallest fleeting joy in all the common things, flowers, clouds, sunsets. the feelings will be small and fleeting at first, but they will snowball and build the more you watch for them. I don't want to sound like a total optimistic polyanna, but we can't afford to let ourselves be overwhelmed by the shear volume of crap we consistently have to face. Even in the midst of a bad wave things are improving every day. (((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))) 20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013. Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks. The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better. Final Dose 0.016mg. Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017 "It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general." Stephen Hawking Link to comment
Wildflower0214 Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 You have helped me in so many ways. I know you feel lost, I can only imagine. I know you have been suffering for a long time. I am thinking of you. Thank you for helping me. Thank you for being here. Thank you for everything. Nothing has been wasted. (((Hug))) 2005-Zoloft bad reaction.....2006-Lexepro......2012-Upped Lexepro.......2013-Upped Lexepro......2/2014- Attempted Taper Lexepro...2/2014- Updosed Lexepro.......3/2014-Ativan.....5/2014- CT switch from Lexpro to Effexor..... 5/2014-7/2014-Tapered Ativan from 1mg to .25mg.....6/2014-Bad reaction to Effexor........7/2014- Rapid taper Effexor every other day......7/5/2014- Off Effexor.......7/2014-12/2014 - Ativan .25mg.......12/25/2014 -Taper Ativan by 4% due to paradoxical reaction .24mg...11/18/2015-Taper Ativan 1% CURRENTLY ON: .2376mg Ativan taken in 6 .0396mg doses. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Petunia Posted January 1, 2015 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted January 1, 2015 Thank you, I'm overwhelmed with the love and support. I was half way through reading Bubble's post and I burst into tears, which surprised me because I really haven't been able to cry properly since this all started, apart from earlier this year when Acetyl took his own life. Its a relief, to know it hasn't been a wasted year, from here, inside of me, that's what it often seems like. I think it may be the DR, which has been a constant, making me feel disconnected from everything and everyone, including the effects of what I write. Thank you Bubble for what you wrote, I know you're not feeling well at the moment either, but you managed to make me see this last year in a completely different way. Thank you everyone for your comments, it makes me feel good to know that I've helped some of you. I'm going to read Imac's journal now, thank you Ladybug for suggesting that. I'm not a doctor. My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one. My Introduction Thread Full Drug and Withdrawal History Brief Summary Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects 2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010 Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal) May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins. Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens. Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days. April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close. VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from? VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made? VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes? VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects? VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus dalsaan Posted January 1, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted January 1, 2015 Petu, I'm always amazed at how much you give to others here despite your suffering. You are always thoughtful, honest and courageous in your engagements. I hope you now have some sense of the difference you make to people's lives. I hope 2015 sees positive change for you Dalsaan xx Please note - I am not a medical practitioner and I do not give medical advice. I offer an opinion based on my own experiences, reading and discussion with others.On Effexor for 2 months at the start of 2005. Had extreme insomnia as an adverse reaction. Changed to mirtazapine. Have been trying to get off since mid 2008 with numerous failures including CTs and slow (but not slow enough tapers)Have slow tapered at 10 per cent or less for years. I have liquid mirtazapine made at a compounding chemist. Was on 1.6 ml as at 19 March 2014. Dropped to 1.5 ml 7 June 2014. Dropped to 1.4 in about September. Dropped to 1.3 on 20 December 2014. Dropped to 1.2 in mid Jan 2015. Dropped to 1 ml in late Feb 2015. I think my old medication had run out of puff so I tried 1ml when I got the new stuff and it seems to be going ok. Sleep has been good over the last week (as of 13/3/15). Dropped to 1/2 ml 14/11/15 Fatigue still there as are memory and cognition problems. Sleep is patchy but liveable compared to what it has been in the past. DRUG FREE - as at 1st May 2017 >My intro post is here - http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2250-dalsaan Link to comment
Muddles Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 Thinking of you Petu. I hope 2015 will bring the healing you deserve. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
Moderator brassmonkey Posted January 1, 2015 Moderator Share Posted January 1, 2015 Happy New Year Petu. ((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))) 20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013. Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks. The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better. Final Dose 0.016mg. Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017 "It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general." Stephen Hawking Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Petunia Posted January 10, 2015 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted January 10, 2015 I'm going to write an update, I'll try, but I'm struggling to think properly and, well, I'm not sure what's going to come out. I just read through the neuro-emotions thread and I seem to have a lot of that going on now, along with everything else. This morning I felt like I was back in acute.... but its different, its always a bit different. And now its the afternoon and I can hardly remember the details of just how bad it was, and I know it was bad because I was thinking that I couldn't go on much longer, all hope was gone (again). It seems pointless to write about it, its not going to change any time soon. I just can't believe I've been going through this as long as I have. I remember how I used to feel in the early months of 2012, before I understood what was going on, it was worse than it is now. I couldn't eat and I would have to stay close to a bathroom for most of the morning. The fear was more physical, no, that's not accurate, its still mostly physical, but it was more..... like, if I was being cooked in a microwave, the power back then was turned up full, now I'm being cooked on half power. I'm nowhere near finished writing, but my computer decided I was done and posted anyway I'm not a doctor. My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one. My Introduction Thread Full Drug and Withdrawal History Brief Summary Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects 2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010 Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal) May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins. Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens. Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days. April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close. VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from? VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made? VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes? VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects? VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Petunia Posted January 10, 2015 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted January 10, 2015 ...part 2 maybe I was finished, can't think of anything else to write. I wish I had forced myself to write here this morning when I was actually in the middle of it all. I remember starting to wake up around 4am with the surges of .... that word, I don't even want to write it. I'm not sure of the time, but don't want to jinx myself in any way by looking. I can hear the crows screeching outside, can I, or am just imagining it? I close my window and feel around for my ear plugs. I don't like having them in my ears all night, so I wait until I'm woken up to put them in. I'm hot and sweaty and my whole body is beginning its transformation of going from being relatively relaxed into being gripped by fear. I can feel the tension building, tightness in my chest and the surges are starting. I scrabble around for my eye mask, silently begging some unseen force to please just give me a few more hours of peace. I don't think I can stand another day of this. I manage to get somewhat comfortable again, by throwing off the sheet which was covering me and doing some slow deep breathing. But then I start to shiver, I'm getting cold and don't know if its the fan or me. I'm trying hard not to think too much, don't want to wake my brain up or I will never go back to sleep. But its too late, the thoughts have already started, someone must have pressed the 'on' button and they are flooding in, filling me with waves of random ideas, memories, images, and all of them, tinged with threat and dread, taunting me with all the awful possibilities which could arise at any moment. It wouldn't be so bad if this was new, back then I seemed to have more strength to deal with it, it was probably even a bit worse, but now, its become like a sickening, awful routine of meaningless horror. I'm locked into something which I can't find an escape from. This morning I tried to escape for several hours. I didn't want to be feeling this 'thing' again. The crows were squawking louder and louder and the light from outside was forcing its way through the cracks and the pressure in my body was growing with each breath. My mind was screaming "no, no, I can't do this again" What evil thing have I done in my life to be sentenced to this torment? I can't find anything to justify a punishment this cruel, so it must be that I'm somehow bad or evil at some core level I'm not aware of. Of course I don't believe this, but it appears that on some level, I need to make some kind of sense out of this. Its difficult to remember the details of this morning now, a blessing I suppose, but I think I managed to fall back into a delirious sort of sleep again, a couple of times. But each time I was shocked awake by nauseating waves of adrenaline until I was forced from my denial and thrust into full realization that I was going to have to find a way to get through another day of 'this'. "This" as usual felt like an eternal this. This 'thing' was occupying my full consciousness, there was no room for anything else, it encompassed the past, present and the future and even though I knew that on every other day, it had subsided, eventually, that seemed to provide no comfort at all because today was different, today was the beginning of my eternal future and this was going to be my reality for ever. Eventually, after a few hours, my rational brain functions started to come back and it occurred to me that at some time later in the day, I might not feel so bad. I clung onto that thought and used it like a life raft to keep me afloat for the next few hours until miraculously, about 2:30pm, I really did start to feel a little better. My body was starting to soften, and relax, the fear demon which had been clawing at my insides all day, got tired and fell asleep. The neuro-emotions which had been tearing around inside my mind like a bunch of nasty gremlins, scattered and flew away with a final shriek. I imagined one of them telling me not to get too comfortable because they would be back. For a moment I got confused and wondered if perhaps crows were gremlins in disguise. Why are there so many crows around my house? My neighbor hates the crows too, so I know I'm not imagining them. Today I've been waging war with guilt, shame, jealousy, self-doubt, resentment, worthlessness, inadequacy, fear (of course) anger and hopelessness. Now its late afternoon and nightmare world is over for today. I'm tired, exhausted is probably a better word, I've got a slight headache, but its ok, I got through another bad day and I'm still here and I'm fairly certain that for the next few hours, until I fall asleep at least, it will be ok, I will be ok. Its been 4 years and 2 months since I've been in this pattern, the intensity of symptoms has fluctuated, but the routine hasn't changed. 20 months drug free. When my symptoms are milder, I believe I'm healing, and it gives me strength. But on days like today, doubt creeps in and I wonder if I'm fooling myself by believing that I have the strength and courage to get through this. I know that nothing in my past, before the drugs came close to what I've gone through these last 4 years, but what worries me is that I've had brief periods of experiencing extreme emotions and perhaps now, the drugs have somehow made me vulnerable to these negative states and my brain is now no longer able to naturally over ride them the way it used to.....ok, that doesn't make sense, if it was permanently broken, then I wouldn't be able to over ride them in the middle of the afternoon. Maybe I will make a list of the symptoms which seem to be permanently gone. Complete insomnia Intense sweating Feelings of dread/horror triggered by ordinary things Hair falling out Sinus Problems I can also drive my car without being in a state of sheer terror, so that's nice. Oh, I almost forgot, I've completely given up sugar. Its been about 4 days now. I had cut it down a lot, but I thought giving it up completely, including all sweet foods might push me around that recovery corner.... but I ate a plum last night, maybe that's why I had such a bad day I'm not a doctor. My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one. My Introduction Thread Full Drug and Withdrawal History Brief Summary Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects 2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010 Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal) May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins. Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens. Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days. April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close. VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from? VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made? VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes? VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects? VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes Link to comment
Muddles Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 I'm so sorry Petu. I can't get my head around what I want to write today but just know I am thinking of you. The cruelest illness for sure. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 So sorry Petu. Know that I share the feeling of torment and what have I done to deserve this. We are in this together eh? Xxxx 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Addax Posted January 10, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted January 10, 2015 Petu, I read your post and felt like I was reading one I might have written during that horrific period this fall. Everything you wrote resonated loudly with me. The torment, the fear of the torment when it seemed to subside in the afternoon. I hated going to bed because it began to mean it was just going to start all over again in a few hours. You're strength and clarity throughout your experience amaze me. I am so, so, sorry you're going through this. It really is hell on earth. I know it feels as though you are stuck in this cycle of torture, but you will emerge from this. You will. You really, really will. Sending you calming vibes. 1988-2012: Prozac @ 60mg (with a few stops and starts) Fall 2012: Returned to 40mg after discontinuing and horrid withdrawal Fall 2013: 40mg Fluoxetine, added 150mg Wellbutrin to treat fatigue Winter 2014: Attempting to taper both (too fast) April 2014: 9mg Fluoxetine + 37.5 Wellbutrin Summer 2014: 8 mg Fluoxetine + 0 Wellbutrin (way too fast a drop) Late summer/Early Fall 2014: Debilitating Withdrawal symptoms Fall 2014 - Wellbutrin successfully kicked to the curb but… Oct- Dec 2014: Panicked reinstatement of Fluoxetine ->30mg - held for 5yrs Jan 2021: taper to 20mg Fluoxetine then tapering by 1mg every 2-3 months Fall 2022 - held at 10mg->December 2022: 9mg->Feb 2023: 8mg ->March 2023: brassmonkey slide begins: 7.8mg -> 7.6 -> 7.4->2 week hold (April)->7.2->7mg->6.8->2 week hold->6.6-> 1-month hold ->(June)-6.5->4-week hold-> (July)-6.4 (discontinued brassmonkey slide and slowed taper)-> (Aug)-6.2->(Sept)-6.0->(Oct)-5.9->(Nov)-5.8->(Dec)-5.7->wave!->(Jan)-5.8->(Feb)-6mg and holding. My 2014 withdrawal experience: https://rxisk.org/antidepressant-withdrawal-a-prozac-story/ Link to comment
SelmaLady Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 Petru, I have one of your posts to me tagged to my computer desk top so that I can read it over and over. If you can believe in healing for me, then you surely will heal too. And tho I don't know much of your recover history, from you signature I can see that it will take awhile for the brain to reconnect the systems and when it has, you will come out of this mostly likely, fairly rapidly. Now it is still in its redesign mode and really doesn't give a fig what you are experiencing. But I do believe that a 2 year mark often signals an intensity or return of symptoms in many, at least I have seen many attest to that. Don't lose heart at all. The fact that you have seen improvements is a good marker of the healing that is right now going on in the background. Each day now is one less day you will have endure the suffering of a healing brain. Prayers for you. Chrissy 1971-81 Valium 5mg c/t PAWS 1992- through now Zoloft 25mg 2003-05 Valium 12mg Slow Taper Off 2013 Afrin Exposure to CNS 2013 O/D Val 230mg 2013 Doxepin 50mg Clonidine 2mg Zoloft 25mg 3/15/16 Doxepin 49mg Micro Tapering Zoloft 24.3mg Holding taper 3/15/16 Clonidine mg 0.1 1/2 - Decreasing incrementally. DISCONTINUED 10/9/16 Doxepin 48.9 Zoloft 24.3 Clonidine 01.10 Continuing micro taper on Doxepin. 11/16/16 Doxepin 48mg Zoloft 24.3mg Clonidine 1.30mg 5/4/17 Doxepin 45mg Zoloft 24mg Clonidine 1.20mg Micro taper of Doxepin , Clonidine 01/13/19 Doxepin 45mg Zoloft 21mg Will start Micro taper of Doxepin 2/19 12/21/21 Doxepin 20 mg ? Reducing using water micro taper--Pulling 24ml from 75ml 12/2121 Zoloft .060 grams by weight--HOLDING (info from post added by CC: On 12/21/21 my dosage was .060grams by weight or 20mg. ) 26 Apr 2022 - Zoloft at -0- Link to comment
Moderator brassmonkey Posted January 10, 2015 Moderator Share Posted January 10, 2015 Hi Petu-- I'm so sorry to hear that your had such a rough morning, I'm so glad you got relief by the afternoon, it gives you something to fight for. It sounds like you have made a good bit of progress from where you were. It's hard to remember, but you are getting there. (((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))) 20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013. Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks. The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better. Final Dose 0.016mg. Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017 "It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general." Stephen Hawking Link to comment
nz11 Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 Hi Petu i have only read this page of the thread but i intend reading the previous 23 pages.....i promise. I am so sorry you are going through this. Boy i sure can relate to the above part2 post. That is exactly how it is ...that 5 am wake up call where i felt a train crash was going on inside my head i could actually even feel it approaching and would brace myself as all hell would then break loose. The mental carpet bombing would carry on throughout the day then recede somewhat in the evenings...oh how i would love the evenings only to go to bed and it would start up all over again the next morning. By 7 am i was usually on the phone to a family member crying 'i want to die' ....of course they were clueless as to what was going on totally unable to conceive that the medical profession could do this to a person telling me to go back onto meds i needed them ..i knew otherwise so would just ignore it for just hearing a human voice talk to me was comforting. ( i have no doubt that i have dragged several family members deep into emotional overdraft) I'm embarrassed to say this but the 5 am wake-up call was so traumatizing i would be lying sweating profusely in a foetal position crying out for my mother...omg i hadn't done that for over 47 years ago when i was probably 3 years old. A 50 yr behaving like that ...i feel so ashamed of myself. [Apparently thats what they say wounded soldiers on the battlefield do]. That's the state i was in. I often throughout the day would ring a good friend and cry and say im not going to make it ..they would then say you will you will. Again it didn't really matter what they said just hearing another human voice helped. Healy talks about a 2-4 yr recovery time-frame once drug free....i think we all know that there are no set goalposts but i do agree with the start number of '2' and i'm sure he is choosing this number for a reason...i know i was pretty much non-functional for those first 2 years. At 20 months you are about to cross the recovery start line... (i'm sure you are recovering now but but its not very noticeable). I wish i had kept such a thorough journal as you it will help many in the future. Well i did keep a diary for 2 years (heys its the number 2 )...entries usually started with uncontrollable and then ended with one of 3 words hell, anxiety, restlessness or sobbing. ...oops thats 4 words. Can sooooo relate to this line you wrote "Today I've been waging war with guilt, shame, jealousy, self-doubt, resentment, worthlessness, inadequacy, fear (of course) anger and hopelessness." Wdl really is war isnt it...and very brutal. I found in wdl the brain throws lies at us and then tries to persecute/crucify us with it. We have to try to ignore it ...easier said than done eh. But patience wins the war by turning up each day the enemy slowly gives up and walks away. It may take many many months ..but finally ...we win! I know it may sound like rubbish but 'it will get better' ...even if you think you are not going to make it, even if you think no-one is as bad as me (thats what i often thought anyway).... ...that is a lie straight from hell....don't fall for it, you will make it. Now i am 4 yrs free and i still see myself as a recovery in progress but i am galaxies closer to earth than even a year ago. Those horror mornings are a distant memory. Sorry if i have posted TMI Hang in there wishing you strength for the journey i'm sure 2015 will bring much improvement. Thought for the day: Lets stand up, and let’s speak out , together. G Olsen We have until the 14th. Feb 2018. URGENT REQUEST Please consider submitting for the petition on Prescribed Drug Dependence and Withdrawal currently awaiting its third consideration at the Scottish Parliament. You don't even have to be from Scotland. By clicking on the link below you can read some of the previous submissions but be warned many of them are quite harrowing. http://www.parliament.scot/GettingInvolved/Petitions/PE01651 Please tell them about your problems taking and withdrawing from antidepressants and/or benzos. Send by email to petitions@parliament.scot and quote PE01651 in the subject heading. Keep to a maximum of 3 sides of A4 and you can't name for legal reasons any doctor you have consulted. Tell them if you wish to remain anonymous. We need the numbers to help convince the committee members we are not isolated cases. You have until mid February. Thank you Recovering paxil addict None of the published articles shed light on what ssri's ... actually do or what their hazards might be. Healy 2013. This is so true, with anything you get on these drugs, dependance, tapering, withdrawal symptoms, side effects, just silent. And if there is something mentioned then their is a serious disconnect between what is said and reality! "Every time I read of a multi-person shooting, I always presume that person had just started a SSRI or had just stopped." Dr Mosher. Me too! Over two decades later, the number of antidepressant prescriptions a year is slightly more than the number of people in the Western world. Most (nine out of 10) prescriptions are for patients who faced difficulties on stopping, equating to about a tenth of the population. These patients are often advised to continue treatment because their difficulties indicate they need ongoing treatment, just as a person with diabetes needs insulin. Healy 2015 I believe the ssri era will soon stand as one of the most shameful in the history of medicine. Healy 2015 Let people help people ... in a natural, kind, non-addictive (and non-big pharma) way. J Broadley 2017 Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 Petu I hope I'm not speaking out of turn here but in many ways I see you as being further 'ahead' than me as I'm now back on a med that's made me sick, have to stabilise, try and get off and goodness knows whats going to happen..so I feel that you are way ahead (intuitively feel this) and that recovery may well be just round that corner Xx 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Muddles Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 Hi Petu i have only read this page of the thread but i intend reading the previous 23 pages.....i promise. I am so sorry you are going through this. Boy i sure can relate to the above part2 post. That is exactly how it is ...that 5 am wake up call where i felt a train crash was going on inside my head i could actually even feel it approaching and would brace myself as all hell would then break loose. The mental carpet bombing would carry on throughout the day then recede somewhat in the evenings...oh how i would love the evenings only to go to bed and it would start up all over again the next morning. By 7 am i was usually on the phone to a family member crying 'i want to die' ....of course they were clueless as to what was going on totally unable to conceive that the medical profession could do this to a person telling me to go back onto meds i needed them ..i knew otherwise so would just ignore it for just hearing a human voice talk to me was comforting. ( i have no doubt that i have dragged several family members deep into emotional overdraft) I'm embarrassed to say this but the 5 am wake-up call was so traumatizing i would be lying sweating profusely in a foetal position crying out for my mother...omg i hadn't done that for over 47 years ago when i was probably 3 years old. A 50 yr behaving like that ...i feel so ashamed of myself. [Apparently thats what they say wounded soldiers on the battlefield do]. That's the state i was in. I often throughout the day would ring a good friend and cry and say im not going to make it ..they would then say you will you will. Again it didn't really matter what they said just hearing another human voice helped. Healy talks about a 2-4 yr recovery time-frame once drug free....i think we all know that there are no set goalposts but i do agree with the start number of '2' and i'm sure he is choosing this number for a reason...i know i was pretty much non-functional for those first 2 years. At 20 months you are about to cross the recovery start line... (i'm sure you are recovering now but but its not very noticeable). I wish i had kept such a thorough journal as you it will help many in the future. Well i did keep a diary for 2 years (heys its the number 2 )...entries usually started with uncontrollable and then ended with one of 3 words hell, anxiety, restlessness or sobbing. ...oops thats 4 words. Can sooooo relate to this line you wrote "Today I've been waging war with guilt, shame, jealousy, self-doubt, resentment, worthlessness, inadequacy, fear (of course) anger and hopelessness." Wdl really is war isnt it...and very brutal. I found in wdl the brain throws lies at us and then tries to persecute/crucify us with it. We have to try to ignore it ...easier said than done eh. But patience wins the war by turning up each day the enemy slowly gives up and walks away. It may take many many months ..but finally ...we win! I know it may sound like rubbish but 'it will get better' ...even if you think you are not going to make it, even if you think no-one is as bad as me (thats what i often thought anyway).... ...that is a lie straight from hell....don't fall for it, you will make it. Now i am 4 yrs free and i still see myself as a recovery in progress but i am galaxies closer to earth than even a year ago. Those horror mornings are a distant memory. Sorry if i have posted TMI Hang in there wishing you strength for the journey i'm sure 2015 will bring much improvement. what a lovely, encouraging post...it has helped me to read - I'm sure it will for Petu. Hang on Petu, many better days ahead. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
Ssriwarrior Posted January 11, 2015 Share Posted January 11, 2015 sending love. I've got nothing insightful to say other than you are truly a warrior for surviving through this for this long. Psychiatric drug withdrawal is NOT for the weak or faint of heart. I would argue that psych drug withdrawal is waaaaaaaaaay worse than recreational drug withdrawal. give me a cocaine addiction anyday cause it seems like that withdrawal is much more short lived. I digress. you are stronger than you think. HISTORY: Lexapro 10mg (current and for approximately 7 years; Prozac 20mg for 5 years and Zoloft 50mg for 5 years) Lexapro (too fast taper) 9mg 09/13; 8mg 10/13; 7mg 12/13; 6mg 02/14; 5mg 04/14; 4mg 06/14 2.5mg 08/29/14 2.25 mg 12/04/14; Re-instatement - 2.5mg 12/17/14; 03/01/15 3.0 mg; 04/01/15 - 5mg; 05/01/15 6mg; 5/15/15 6.5mg 6/01/15 7.5mg 2nd attempt at micro taper: starting dose is 7.5mg using liquid compounded rx: 12/16/17 - 7mg; 02/05/18 - 6.75mg 04/06/18 - 6.5ml 05/31/18 re-instate back to 6.75mg Link to comment
Frustrated Posted January 11, 2015 Share Posted January 11, 2015 I know someone who came off cocaine and you are correct it is more short lived. 2002-put on amitryptiline for fibromyalgia. 10mg.2004-stopped abruptly. Didn't think it helped.2006 approx.-put on Paxil for mild anxiety 20 mg.2007 upped to 40 mg. not sure why.2011- tapered from 40 to 10. went nuts and went back to 20mg2014- tapered from 20mg to 0 from April to The end of June.current meds- Metformin(type 2 diabetic) and low dose aspirin.Take multi vitamin and vit b12, vit. D and magnesium. 5 months off Paxil. Still suffering.recently added 1.2mg of Paxil to alleviate withdrawals.(Nov 30)Dropped to .9mg because having symptoms from reinstatement.(dec 23)<p>taper to .76mg-.8mg (Feb 3) approx. weight .010 to about .008-.009 on scale..6mg (march 19th.) .5mg(April 19th).4mg(April 27th).2 (June 27th) 0mg. done taper at beginning of August. Link to comment
WinningThrough Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 Sorry to crash your thread, Petu, but I just wanted to say what an amazing post that was by NZ11. Petu, I'm thinking of you and cheering you on. It will get better. The only way out is through. Aug 2013 - Augmentin leading to akathisia Sept-Nov 2013 - Citalopram 20mg, severe reaction, off at 5mg. Valium 4mg, prn Oct 2013 - 5 zopiclone tablets, 7.5mg End Nov 2013-end Feb 2014, Seroquel, top dose 150mg, off at 25mg End Nov 2013-early march 2014, Zoloft 100mg top dose, off at 25mg End Dec-2013-early April 2014, lorazepam 1mg prn April 3rd 2014 zoloft 5mg for a few days. 18/4/14 - zoloft, 1mg. Came off at 0.35 mg,14th June 2014 29 June 2014 - 1mg lorazepam, last ever 29 June 2014 - med free Link to comment
spectio Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 Hi, Petu, just wanted to chime into the chorus of your fans. I think we all feel your pain and wish we could give you some relief. You write so well and your words really hit home with me. I'm 3.4 years off and I can't really say I've experienced any windows. There are days when my symptoms are more muted but the minute to minute internal restlessness never seems to totally leave. I just recently had to adjust my b.p. meds up because the jitteriness was taking on a whole new intenseness. After a couple of adjustments and a few weeks I don't think I'm totally losing my mind anymore. I guess my question to you is have you looked over the few supplements you are taking and also how is your b.p.? Could some other factor be involved in your most recent misery? I recently tried probiotics (again) and after one dose thought wow, something's working. Today, not so much. No more probiotics. You are so right to remind yourself that the misery does get more tolerable as the day goes in. That's true for me too. You are in good company. We wish we could take all this misery and ship it back to the drug companies and the psychiatrists and let them simmer in it for a few years. Wouldn't that be satisfying?? Take good care of yourself! I started withdrawing off remeron in August of 2009, with the help of a holistic physician.The reason for the withdrawal was a year or two of off and on nausea, deterioration in my thinking, and more depression. It took me a full year to work from 135 mg down to 45mg. At that point, more drops were causing more depression. Unfortuately, the nervousness that I was also feeling for the last year continued with the 45 mg. Thirty one days ago, I stopped the remeron. I am still feeling the nervousness every day and the last week, I am feeling what I think is depression but not sure. In bed in the morning, I'm already dreading another day feeling this way. I am intensely unsure of myself and find it very hard to do anything. I was a practicing veterinarian for 29 years until I found I could not practice anymore. First of all I couldn't think, or remember, and I had absolutely no confidence in anything I did. These were things I did with relative ease for twenty+ years. So, this feeling of no confidence has been during the time I was on the AD(the last 2 years) and today. I take no other medication other than my blood pressure meds. I tried supplements with my holistic dr. but they seemed to make the intense nervousness even more intense. Anyway, I truly feel stuck. Link to comment
Purplestars22 Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 Hey Petu, I relate to your story so much especially right now when the stuff you are describing is happening right now. I admire your writing ability greatly you are able to convey every thought or scenario great. I don't believe it's something bad that we have done for this to happen to us. This experience will teach us to become stronger and have gratitude for the small things in life. It's amazing how many people you have helped you should be proud of yourself. We are all in this journey together and we will get through this. I wish you the best and sending healing wishes to you. Celexa 20mg 2008-2012 for Social Anxiety Failed attempt to stop reinstated 1 year taper skipping doses Celexa free 12/2013 1/2014-5/2014 took 5 htp every other day Failed Reinstatement 5mg of Celexa on 12/2014 for 5 days only Link to comment
Heart Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 as a semi-newbie, I want to tell you that your posts always inspire me, windows or waves. I really hope that you're OK. In 2004 was initially put on Effexor, but by 2007 I had a whole cocktail going - 112.5 mg Effexor, 200 mg Buproprion SR, 250 mg Depakote, and 27mg Concerta ER. I switched psychiatrists to get off of everything. Systematically, my new psychiatrist took me down – last to go was the Effexor, which he switched to Prozac to soften the reaction. My last pill was July 2011. Although with every change, up or down, I felt a bit rotten and flu-like, I would return to normal within a few weeks. Looking back, perhaps I felt a bit crabby, but I had no hint that I was in trouble until November 2011 when I experienced something odd - I got no buzz from an occasional glass of wine. By Jan 20112 I was hit, full force – insomnia, no dreams, pacing, twitchy, chemical despair – later: tingling sensations, audio distortion ... Many symptoms have improved, some have not, some have morphed. I am still struggling, 3 years out. Link to comment
coldturkmama Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 For some reason, I don't like posting in my thread when I'm feeling bad. The worse I'm feeling, the more reluctant I am to face it and write about it. Not sure if that's a good thing or not. A lot of self criticism comes up and I become very negative about myself and my motives. I need some support, but I tell myself that I should stop complaining and thinking that I can't do anything to help myself. I can be very mean to myself and when I feel better, I see how mean I've been..... but that's not what I wanted to write about. Yesterday was like a wave inside a wave. Thankfully, its just back to the single wave, which seems to be diminishing now (hope). I don't know what happened. I want to blame it on my mum's home made soup, which I ate for dinner, but I think I was starting to feel bad before that. I'm not going to go into details, but yesterday really scared me. I've been going through this long enough now, that I rarely have secondary fear (of my symptoms), but yesterday frightened me. To confuse matters even more, I made the mistake of changing 2 things at the same time. I stopped taking taurine and Black Cohosh. Actually I cut the taurine down to only taking it once in the morning, then stopped it, thinking that it wasn't helping any more. Actually it was, but I had just got used to not having that particular symptom and when the wave started, of other increased symptoms, I thought that maybe the taurine (and Black Cohosh) had turned paradoxical. I'm back on the Black Cohosh now, that was definately helping to decrease the hot flashes at night, since stopping it, they have increased again and I'm not sleeping so well. When I wake up, from the flash of heat, its with a surge of adrenaline, which causes panic. I think perhaps the taurine may have been helping at night in some way because when I did wake up, it wasn't with a surge of panic. I don't like the idea of being dependent on even supplements, I don't want to have to take anything. I hope that one day I can be happy and healthy again with just a good diet. I'm getting short windows a little more regularly now and I've noticed that when I get them, I feel more improved and happier and even more functional. But my waves seem to be getting worse, well just lately they have been. No matter how hard I try, I can't get used to how different I feel from one hour to the next, from one day to the next. This instability and lack of control is the hardest part to deal with, for me anyway. I had started feeling better by about lunch time today, well enough to go out anyway. I was quite relaxed driving and doing my chores. Just mindfully getting done what I needed to do in a neutral sort of way, then suddenly, a wave hit and my perceptions got distorted, I couldn't think properly, couldn't make decisions and wanted to be back at home.... this is such an unpleasant way to have to live......before the wave hit, I went into the pet store and put my name down to be contacted when they get more puppies in. Then when the wave hit, it didn't seem like such a good idea again. I'm fine now though, but tired. As long as things keep changing, even if the changes are difficult, I'm able to see it as a positive sign that my body is trying to heal, trying to re balance itself. I hate this too, from one hour to the next everything changss...so difficult! Paxil 20mg from 1998-2011 Paxil 40mg from 2011-2012 while experiencing poopout October 2013 quit cold turkey Oct-mid Nov 2013 great window Late November WD nightmare Windows and waves pattern Now: 28 months cold turkey...doing decent learning to deal with the windows/waves pattern fighting it every step of the way. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Petunia Posted January 25, 2015 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted January 25, 2015 I haven't visited my own thread in a while, so its a nice surprise to see some new comments. Thank you all who have posted. Not TMI at all nz11, but you know that already, thank you for mentioning that Healy says recovery starts after 2 years off. I've been having an idea that I might be mostly recovered some time in 2017. I would argue that psych drug withdrawal is waaaaaaaaaay worse than recreational drug withdrawal. give me a cocaine addiction anyday cause it seems like that withdrawal is much more short lived. I agree, I've never really used recreational drugs, but I know people who have and the recovery after stopping those is nowhere near as disabling as this can be. I guess my question to you is have you looked over the few supplements you are taking and also how is your b.p.? Could some other factor be involved in your most recent misery? I don't think it was caused by supplements. At the moment I'm playing around with the idea that sugar in its various forms might be effecting the intensity of my symptoms. I've cut most of it out of my diet, but occasionally I crave something with a little sweetness in it, I think its natural, we are supposed to eat fruit, and that's usually sweet. I ate half an apple two nights in a row. I think I may have used some sauce which had sugar in it. I'm not certain, but for the last 2 days I've been completely sugar free again and I just forgot and accidentally put a teaspoon of honey in my dandelion coffee substitute and noticed a sudden increase in anxiety. It might have been going to happen anyway. Maybe it was caused by only getting 3 hours sleep one night. Maybe I had been eating too much chicken, which I now cut down on. Replaced the chicken protein with almonds, which seemed to cause some gastric upset at first. Two nights of very little sleep due to stomach cramps. But that's settled down now. The sudden heat for a few days? Stress from family conflict? (the ongoing dysfunction between my parents) I doubt my waves are caused by any one thing, just a general build up of stress from life, which previously, my nervous system would hardly have registered at all, but now the smallest changes in anything have an effect. But my blood pressure is fine. I was going to write an update about what's changed over the last couple of weeks, but I seem to have got distracted and run out of time. I have to go out and meet my mum for 'coffee'. It was my idea, so I can't complain, but for me its so far from what going out for coffee used to be like. But, at least now I can drive without being in a constant state of terror. And I can leave the house with only minimal extra anxiety. More later..... I'm not a doctor. My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one. My Introduction Thread Full Drug and Withdrawal History Brief Summary Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects 2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010 Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal) May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins. Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens. Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days. April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close. VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from? VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made? VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes? VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects? VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Petunia Posted January 26, 2015 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted January 26, 2015 ....this is sort of a continuation from yesterdays post. A wave which started last Wednesday, 5 days ago, seems to be over now and I'm back to baseline, but as usual, I think its slightly higher again. Still getting all the same symptoms, but the intensity has dropped by about 10%. Hmm! that's a familiar percentage, I wonder if there's any connection. Something really weird happens almost every morning now and I keep meaning to make a note of it right after it happens, but I never do. At some ungodly hour of the morning I wake suddenly with a different phrase running through my mind. It never has anything to do with me or my life, its like some random line from a movie or play and the voice is never my own, its someone else talking. Sometimes its a male voice and sometimes a female. This morning it was a woman and she was saying something about a folder, giving some kind of instruction about what to do with it. When it happens, its quite a shock, because its always .... I want to say loud, but its not that I hear it with my ears, its a very loud thought, if that makes sense. There is suddenly another person talking very loudly in my head and they wake me up. That's when I usually take my Taurine, and most days manage to go back to sleep, not deep sleep, but I seem to be able to lightly dose on and off for a couple more hours until the cortisol starts kicking in and my body begins its morning torture routine, although these days, I really can't call it torture any more. Its about half way between annoying and torture. Today has been surprising. I spontaneously did several things quite unexpectedly and its proving to me that I really am healing. Shall I write about this?... Ok, why not. Bear in mind that 6 months ago I was still struggling terribly with agoraphobia, was finding it hard leaving the house and had an awful time trying to get out to buy a car. So anyway, today was Australia day and for some reason I got the urge to drive down to the local foreshore to check out the activities which are always held there. Its usually a combination of a fair, with rides, a concert, and other stage performances, lots of stalls and various other activities. It was hot and crowded and no parking and people everywhere. On the way there I got stuck behind a huge group of insane, (completely insane) young males, dressed for the occasion, on bikes, the cycle kind, riding all over the road in the most dangerous fashion, holding up traffic, completely oblivious to cars going in both directions, they refused to move out of the center of the road, I've never seen anything like it. They were riding all over the place, intentionally falling off their bikes, then just leaving them in the middle of the street while they danced around taking pictures of all the cars they were holding up. But I only got slightly irritated, the horn on my new car got a good workout though not that it did any good, I resigned myself to very carefully following along at a snails pace until they turned off onto another street, which thankfully they did eventually. This is what surprised me most though. When I got to the foreshore, the first thing I heard was the African Drumming group, who usually have a spot there. I've seen them before and have always wanted to try it, but previously, for some reason, never had the courage to try. But today it was like..... I've been to the depths of hell and back, what could possibly be worse about sitting in a circle of people beating on small drums in time with each other. So I waited for a spot to open up and sat down. It felt amazing. I almost immediately fell into a kind of trance and was taken over by the rhythm, it was like my hands were keeping up with no input from me at all. I would have sat there doing that all afternoon if I hadn't have got tired pretty quickly. So I got up and walked around looking at everything, I was experiencing a bit of DP/DR, but it was ok, it didn't make me want to rush home. I got bored pretty quickly though, there was nothing new, not really, and I was by myself, so there was no one else to make it more interesting. So then I went and picked up a few organic stuffs from the healthy place and went home and washed my car, for the first time since I got it.... and all of that was ok.... I survived the crowds and the noise and the heat and the chaos and tried something I've always wanted to try. So that was my update, I feel like I've left a lot out, but I can't remember anything else, my memory is still shocking. Oh! I almost forgot, the decaff coffee I had yesterday, it tasted really, really good, and the sprinkling of chocolate on the top didn't send me into another wave, so that was another improvement, things haven't been tasting much of anything for a long time. Hope everyone is doing well, or at least a bit better. I'm not a doctor. My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one. My Introduction Thread Full Drug and Withdrawal History Brief Summary Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects 2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010 Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal) May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins. Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens. Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days. April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close. VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from? VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made? VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes? VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects? VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes Link to comment
simon Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Nice to hear your news. Good when things like that happen in a serendipitous kind of way and you just get pulled into them. Also good to know that you are aware that the troughs you are going through are not quite as deep and the spaces between are getting smaller. Hope it all continues well for you Simon . Been on some kind of meds since 1982,mainly on and off things like imipramine.,2000 on75mg venlafaxine til it bottomed out, then 150, also no good. about 7 years. Almost ct from it and put on cocktail of Cit, Mirt and Lithium. Remained there for 7 years. Tapered Citalopram in June2014 and was off in 6 weeks. Mood slumped about 6 weeks later. Found this site sept 5th and got some idea why this happens.18th Sept stopped lorezepam and due to misunderstanding with GP was without it for 36 hours which caused a crisis. from 19thsept 18mg diazepam to replace lorezepam(possible addiction) 24th sept 12 mg diaz per day. 29th sept 10mg diaz per day and tapering at 1-2mg per week. At 5mg will slow down taper. At same time increase of mirtazapine to 45mg per day. Taking fish oil and magnesium as suggested on this site. Also have menieres syndrome, a cause of vertigo, vomiting and partial loss of hearing, also very occasional drop attacks. As of 8th October on; Mirtazapine 45mg, Citalopram 20mg Lithium 500mg Diazepam 6mg (tapering by 2mg per week) Fish oil and magnesium As of 25th October Mirt 45mg, Citalopram20mg Lithium 700mg Diazepam12mg As of 12th November Mirt 37.5 Cit.20mg Lithium 700mg Diazepam 8mg (to taper after 14 days by 10%) As of 17th November Mirt 35mg Cit 18mg Lithium 600mg Diazepam 8mg (to taper after 14 days by 10%) As of 25th November MIrt 35mg Cit 18mg Lithium 600mg Diazepam 7mg As of 1st December MIrt 35 Cit 18mg Lithium 600mg Diazepam 6mg (been stable for the last 2 weeks) GP intervention 19 December now on 150 Ven, 37.5 Mirt, 600 Lithium Diazepam 7mg Link to comment
wantrelief Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Oh Petu - this is a wonderfu update; healing is happening! -1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper (essentially CT); withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD) -10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot -Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram -Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015 -8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?) - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg). Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin Citalopram taper: 2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg I 2023: 3.3 mg - 1.47 mg 2024: 1/5/24: 1.44 mg; 1/19/24: 1.40 mg; 1/26/24: 1.37 mg; 2/2/24: 1.34 mg; 2/9/24: 1.31 mg; 2/23/24: 1.28 mg; 3/1/24: 1.25 mg; 3/8/24: 1.22 mg; 3/15/24: 1.19 mg; 3/29/24: 1.17 mg; 4/5/24: 1.14 mg; 4/13/24: 1.11 mg; 4/20/24: 1.09 mg; 4/27/24: 1.06 mg Link to comment
wantrelief Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 oops - meant to say "wonderful" -1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper (essentially CT); withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD) -10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot -Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram -Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015 -8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?) - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg). Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin Citalopram taper: 2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg I 2023: 3.3 mg - 1.47 mg 2024: 1/5/24: 1.44 mg; 1/19/24: 1.40 mg; 1/26/24: 1.37 mg; 2/2/24: 1.34 mg; 2/9/24: 1.31 mg; 2/23/24: 1.28 mg; 3/1/24: 1.25 mg; 3/8/24: 1.22 mg; 3/15/24: 1.19 mg; 3/29/24: 1.17 mg; 4/5/24: 1.14 mg; 4/13/24: 1.11 mg; 4/20/24: 1.09 mg; 4/27/24: 1.06 mg Link to comment
Member cymbaltawithdrawal5600 Posted January 26, 2015 Member Share Posted January 26, 2015 WR, You can actually edit a post up to one hour after you have written it. It even works after you have logged off the site and logged back on. What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878 July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site. Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Addax Posted January 26, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted January 26, 2015 Hooray for sprinklings of chocolate not sending you into a wave. I think measuring our progress in chocolate is as accurate as anything else. :-) 1988-2012: Prozac @ 60mg (with a few stops and starts) Fall 2012: Returned to 40mg after discontinuing and horrid withdrawal Fall 2013: 40mg Fluoxetine, added 150mg Wellbutrin to treat fatigue Winter 2014: Attempting to taper both (too fast) April 2014: 9mg Fluoxetine + 37.5 Wellbutrin Summer 2014: 8 mg Fluoxetine + 0 Wellbutrin (way too fast a drop) Late summer/Early Fall 2014: Debilitating Withdrawal symptoms Fall 2014 - Wellbutrin successfully kicked to the curb but… Oct- Dec 2014: Panicked reinstatement of Fluoxetine ->30mg - held for 5yrs Jan 2021: taper to 20mg Fluoxetine then tapering by 1mg every 2-3 months Fall 2022 - held at 10mg->December 2022: 9mg->Feb 2023: 8mg ->March 2023: brassmonkey slide begins: 7.8mg -> 7.6 -> 7.4->2 week hold (April)->7.2->7mg->6.8->2 week hold->6.6-> 1-month hold ->(June)-6.5->4-week hold-> (July)-6.4 (discontinued brassmonkey slide and slowed taper)-> (Aug)-6.2->(Sept)-6.0->(Oct)-5.9->(Nov)-5.8->(Dec)-5.7->wave!->(Jan)-5.8->(Feb)-6mg and holding. My 2014 withdrawal experience: https://rxisk.org/antidepressant-withdrawal-a-prozac-story/ Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus areyouthere Posted January 26, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted January 26, 2015 OH!!! That sounds like fun and PROGRESS!!!! YAY!!!! All of it sounds like healing is happening!!! Double YAY!!! RU Fall 1995 xanax, zoloft. switched to Serzone 1996- spring 2003serzone/ xanax/ lightbox. b]Fall 2003- Fall 2004? Lexapro 10 mg. Light box /4 mg. xanax.[/b] 2004 - Fall of 2009 10 mg Lex, 150 mg Wellbutrin XL % 4 mg xanax November 2009- Sept. 2011 10 mg lex., 300 Well. XL, 4 mg Xanax [/b Sept.2012- July 2012 20 mg Lex 300 Well. XL, 4 mg Xanax My mantra " go slow & with the flow " 3/2/13.. Began equal dosing 5 Xs /day xanax, while simultaneously incorporating a 2.5 % drop ( from 3.5 mg/day to 3.4 mg/day) 4/6/13 dropped from 300 mg. Wellbutrin XL to 150 mg. Difficult but DONE! Down to 3.3 mg xanax/ day / 6/10/13 3 mg xanax/day; 7/15/2013 2.88mg xanax/day. 10/ 1/2013...... 2.5 mg xanax… ( switched to tablets again) WOO HOO!!!!!! Holding here… cont. with Lexapro. 1/ 2/2014.. tapered to 18mg ( by weight) of a 26 mg ( by weight) pill of 20 mg tab. lexapro. goal is 13mg (by weight OR 10 mg by ingredient content) and STOPPED. Feeling very down with unbalanced, unpredictable WD symptoms. 1/2/2014- ??? Taking a brain-healing break from tapering anything after actively tapering something for 1.5 years. So… daily doses as of 2/2/2014: 18 mg by weight Lex, 150 mg Well. XL, 2.5 mg xanax, down from 26 mg by weight Lex., 300 mg well. XL, 4 mg xanax in August, 2012. I'll take it. 5/8/14 started equivalent dose liquid./ tabs. 5/13/14 1.5 % cut. Link to comment
Muddles Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Progress - most definitely! Hoorahhh for being able to enjoy that chocolate and not have to suffer! Lovely to hear from you...I think about you often. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Rhiannon Posted January 26, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted January 26, 2015 Petu, I'm just catching up. As always, thank you so much for your eloquent writing and how beautifully you express things that aren't really all that easy to capture in words (at least for me). Your posts always touch me deeply. That would have been a crazy day for me--just dealing with all the stimulation of the fair thing, plus the frustration of the traffic and the crazies, and the drumming (I love drumming circles, the few times I've participated in one). And then you came home and washed the car! I would have collapsed. I know it doesn't feel like it at all, during the hard times, but it's so clear from over here, you're healing. With ups and downs. I've seen so many people go through this same process, and you're coming right along. I'm so, so sorry for your suffering. Thank you for taking your pain and spinning it into inspiring, healing gold for the rest of us, with your eloquence and your beautiful writing. Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010. Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea. Feb 15 2010: 300 mg Neurontin 200 Lamictal 10 Celexa 0.65 Xanax and 5 mg Ambien Feb 10 2014: 62 Lamictal 1.1 Celexa 0.135 Xanax 1.8 Valium Feb 10 2015: 50 Lamictal 0.875 Celexa 0.11 Xanax 1.5 Valium Feb 15 2016: 47.5 Lamictal 0.75 Celexa 0.0875 Xanax 1.42 Valium 2/12/20 12 0.045 0.007 1 May 2021 7 0.01 0.0037 1 Feb 2022 6 0!!! 0.00167 0.98 2.5 mg Ambien Oct 2022 4.5 mg Lamictal (off Celexa, off Xanax) 0.95 Valium Ambien, 1/4 to 1/2 of a 5 mg tablet I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion. Link to comment
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