littlebird: tried tapering Pristiq - will try tapering Wellbutrin instead

[Patient2022]

6 hours ago, littlebird said:

Life is hard right now 😎 so what better time for a gratitude list?

 

☎️ Had some nice chats with friends, feeling really grateful

🌅 Took some time to watch the sun set today, it was really beautiful

🌟 The stars came out, and that app that tells you what the stars are told me that Jupiter was the bright light above my head - so cool!

🥗 I enjoyed cooking today, which is kind of a big deal for ED recovery! Felt proud of myself for making a healthy meal for my partner and I.

🦋 I've been seeing beautiful butterflies everywhere, and spotted a cool hummingbird

💜 Grateful for the internet and online communities, like this one!

That’s lovely, I find nature and connecting with loved ones are big positives for me too   

[littlebird]

🪶 Saw a giant hawk overheard, one of the biggest I've seen.

🌹 Enjoying having some flowers in the house

📙 Love getting library books on my kindle! 

🌙 The moon was so pretty yesterday

🥑 Challenged ED by making a healthy (but not too healthy, orthorexia be damned) meal for my partner and I

🦋 Been seeing lots of hummingbirds and moths

☔️ Some recent rain is making me glad for sunny days!

💞 Been having some lovely talks with partner, love them so much

[littlebird]

🍀 Recent rains are making my plants thrive!

🦋 I've been seeing a lot of butterflies, wondering if planting native wildflower seeds around is helping draw them into the neighborhood

☔️ Having lots of rain makes the sun even better when it comes out ☀️

💞 Grateful for my partner, they understand me better than anyone else on earth and make me feel so seen and validated

🍉 Feeling hopeful despite the odds

🧶 Thinking of getting back into textile art

🍊 It's a new lunar year, fresh start!

🌙 The moon has been so beautiful lately

🧩 Challenging myself to keep learning and figure things out

[Comfyquilt]

@littlebird I love your updates! They are so hopeful and colourful. I do embroidery (38 years young ☺️) and I find it very soothing ❤️

[littlebird]

31 minutes ago, Comfyquilt said:

I do embroidery (38 years young ☺️) and I find it very soothing ❤️

I've been wanting to get into embroidery! I was recently looking at some Huichol embroidery and getting inspired to get back into it. I have the supplies around here, maybe I can add to some clothes or do some visible mending or something. I was also looking a long time at Huichol yarn painting and really feeling the use of gradient color to make glowing images. 

 

What sort of embroidery do you like to do?

[Comfyquilt]

@littlebird I really like doing flowers! I have a small flower farm that I run in the summers, so I love all types of flowers. I like to embroider on t shirts, tote bags, anything really! I’ll have to look up the embroidery you mentioned. It’s very soothing to just sit and stitch. 

[littlebird]

9 minutes ago, Comfyquilt said:

I really like doing flowers! I have a small flower farm that I run in the summers, so I love all types of flowers.

Ooooh both the flower embroidery and the flower farm sound so magical! I'd love to see your work if you have anything you're particularly pleased with. I never got that into embroidery, but I've been thinking about doing it more and and more - especially for mending holes in things and making them beautiful.

 

11 minutes ago, Comfyquilt said:

It’s very soothing to just sit and stitch. 

It is so nice to sit and work on things, I haven't done anything in the past month and would probably benefit from getting back to it! I'm midway through a project that was gonna be a holiday gift for partner, then wasn't done and I thought it could be a new year's gift, then a Valentine's gift, and it's still not done! 😁 

[Ottergirl]

22 minutes ago, Comfyquilt said:

@littlebird I really like doing flowers! I have a small flower farm that I run in the summers, so I love all types of flowers. I like to embroider on t shirts, tote bags, anything really! I’ll have to look up the embroidery you mentioned. It’s very soothing to just sit and stitch. 

Digging the content going on here! I am actually thinking of starting a small flower farm with my friend. She has 3 acres in town, with water rights.  

[Comfyquilt]

@Ottergirl it’s seriously the best therapy. I hope when I feel a little better I can get outside more. I have a few seeds started and have been dividing hundreds of dahlias. If you want to PM me I am happy to share my Instagram where I post all my flowers  

[Soup]

@Comfyquilt I follow along here quietly but would love to follow your flower ig . I was a big flower grower till I hit this last wall 

[LotusRising]

On 2/22/2024 at 3:54 PM, Comfyquilt said:

I have a small flower farm that I run in the summers,

@Comfyquilt wow, I'm intrigued by the flower farm! What a beautiful way to express your creativity 🤩 I can't wait to start gardening once the weather shifts. We have a few more months to go here, but I'm already itching for the colours of spring and summer.

[Comfyquilt]

@LotusRising I’m happy to send you my IG handle via PM if you’d like  

[littlebird]

Everyone, please keep talking flowers and gardening on my thread!!!! I seriously love it. What are your favorite houseplants and/or outdoor plant? What's something you want to grow someday? I've been wanting to get back into native flowers, just playing a little bit with planting seeds around my apartment is bringing around a lot of pollinators.

 

@Comfyquilt @LotusRising @Soup @Ottergirl

[Ottergirl]

27 minutes ago, littlebird said:

Everyone, please keep talking flowers and gardening on my thread!!!! I seriously love it. What are your favorite houseplants and/or outdoor plant? What's something you want to grow someday? I've been wanting to get back into native flowers, just playing a little bit with planting seeds around my apartment is bringing around a lot of pollinators.

 

@Comfyquilt @LotusRising @Soup @Ottergirl

I am very excited for this spring/summer. I have a lot of garden plans for veggies, native/drought resistant flowers and more. Something I am most excited about is that we are installing a greywater system. The water from our clothes washer, showers, and bathroom sinks will feed into 6 fruit trees. We live in a climate with very dry summers so looking to install a sustainable landscape!

[littlebird]

28 minutes ago, Ottergirl said:

Something I am most excited about is that we are installing a greywater system. The water from our clothes washer, showers, and bathroom sinks will feed into 6 fruit trees. We live in a climate with very dry summers so looking to install a sustainable landscape!

Ohhhhh I dream of this when I have my own place! Please keep me posted on this project, I seriously think about doing it in my rental apartment alllll the time - just seems like a wonderful way to keep plants going in dry seasons and be less wasteful.

[Soup]

@littlebird  I started some sweet peas today . They are my birth flower and I have always loved them . Hoping they cheer me up a bit . 
I also got a new monstera plant today to add to my inside collection 

[littlebird]

3 minutes ago, Soup said:

I started some sweet peas today . They are my birth flower and I have always loved them .

Ooh, love the smell of those! The colors can be so cool too. Had a volunteer one that started in a window box one year and it was so fun to see it climb around and grow.

 

4 minutes ago, Soup said:

I also got a new monstera plant today to add to my inside collection 

I looooove monstera, I've been wanting to get one but I can't figure out what window/light situation they might like. One day I want to make my have so many plants it's like walking into a jungle to go into my apartment.

[Soup]

@littlebird lost my smell in this whole debacle so I will miss that part but they are still so sweet in a vase . 
yes a jungle in the house is perfect . I have quite a few in my house but not jungle status ( yet ) 

[littlebird]

29 minutes ago, Soup said:

@littlebird lost my smell in this whole debacle so I will miss that part but they are still so sweet in a vase . 

Oh no, so sorry to hear that! Hope it returns. They're so pretty in a vase with the little tendrils curling. 

 

30 minutes ago, Soup said:

yes a jungle in the house is perfect . I have quite a few in my house but not jungle status ( yet ) 

I keep waiting for a point where I'll have enough, but there's never enough plants. Gotta be good for air quality in a city too, right? Living air filters! 

[Comfyquilt]

@littlebird I love dahlias the most. I grow hundreds of them. I also love native plants too. My fave for my area is called Camas and it’s simply beautiful. 

[LotusRising]

Wow, I haven't even thought about outdoor planting yet! We just got a bunch of snow, but I did hear a Robin singing today, so I hope they know something I don't! We usually start indoor seeds in April, so I've got some time to think on it.

 

20 hours ago, Ottergirl said:

Something I am most excited about is that we are installing a greywater system.

@Ottergirl this is amazing! I remember Bend being very hot when we drove through.

 

23 hours ago, Comfyquilt said:

I’m happy to send you my IG handle via PM if you’d like

@Comfyquilt yes, please do!

[littlebird]

I keep talking with my partner about packing it in and traveling for a bit... but my houseplants! I love my plant babies so much, and even if I give them away before I move to people I care about I think it'll be a pang. Has anyone experienced this?

 

I can always build up a plant collection again... I just have a real attachment from many years together, I suppose!

[Soup]

That would be so hard for me to give up my plant family . Some have been with me for 25 years ! 
But travel is quite alluring . Life is always full of tough choices . 

[littlebird]

10 hours ago, Soup said:

Life is always full of tough choices

So true!

[j1290]

On 2/27/2024 at 9:31 PM, littlebird said:

I just have a real attachment from many years together, I suppose!

Probably a trauma symptom but I still remember a plant I gave away years ago 😂  Come think of it I'm sure it is.  I want to cry if I see someone throw away an old chair or something 🤣🤣

[littlebird]

On 2/29/2024 at 4:56 PM, j1290 said:

On 2/28/2024 at 12:31 AM, littlebird said:

I just have a real attachment from many years together, I suppose!

Probably a trauma symptom but I still remember a plant I gave away years ago 😂  Come think of it I'm sure it is.  I want to cry if I see someone throw away an old chair or something 🤣🤣

It's gotta be a trauma response, huh? Attachment to non-human things. Something to get into in therapy one of these days, I think. My heart kinda hurts just thinking about this. 

 

I'm confronting hoarding as a trauma response too. I didn't have enough clothes growing up, so if something fits and works I hold onto it... even if I never wear it and don't particularly like it. If it's anything with a sentimental attachment, forget it - even if it has holes or doesn't fit right or isn't my style or something I'd ever wear out again.

 

Trying to downsize is proving hard - I want to hold onto things "just in case." How are you with that? I envy minimalists who can toss anything that doesn't "spark joy!" Maybe I can get there.

[littlebird]

Well, hello there! It's been a wild 2024, y'all. Time for a check-in, eh? Now that I think about it.... nah! I don't know where to even begin, so let's just say that I'm doing well with tapering, figuring out meds slowly but surely, and then do a gratitude list instead:

 

☀️ Been enjoying the sunshine! Even though it's chilly and I should probably be wearing gloves while I type, the sun is good for ole mental health

🍀 Loving the new growth, buds, and flowering happening with my lil plants! Spring is my favorite season and it's coming.

🐳 I saw a whale!

☔️ Enjoyed a good rainstorm the other night, I really like storms. ⛈️

💞 My partner is so sweet and supportive, they held me while I had a big cry recently and it felt so good to be with someone who tells me, "Let it out," and not, "Don't cry."

☎️ Had a really nice chat with a friend I haven't seen in awhile, I'd been isolating a bit and it felt really good to hear their voice and catch up.

🍊 Been trying to eat more! Eating disorder got a little tough in response to stress, pushing back and feeding myself! 😤

🐝 I enjoyed watching some honeybees working recently.

🦠 Successfully dodged a confirmed covid exposure, thanks immune system! Well, that and my travel-size HEPA filter, CO2 monitor, continued masking, etc  - I'm staying on team health.

🌀 My spirituality is evolving in interesting ways, been trying to get back into meditation and have had some really nice, healing ones.

🪁 I'm going to try and play more in 2024! I never learned how to play as a kid, but it's never too late to figure it out. I want to have FUN!

[redkite]

Hi littlebird quick flower chat!!!! The flowers the wanky gardner cut down have survived!!! Grape hyacinth doing well as well as the  fox clubs and feverfew making a come back!!!! Favourite indoor plant a cactus I have had for nearly 10 years and its still really small......but never dies!!!!! It had a spiky baby on the top now and lives on the bathroom window ceils!!!!! Renovating my bathroom to accommodate lots more plants!!!!! Love plants in the bathroom, plants and candels you cant beet it. Loved your gratitude list particularly the playing more.... I agree. back in the day I used to go to a lot of free Raves here in the UK and used to play and dance for days....miss it anyway keep enjoying the spring it is the best month by far. All the fruit trees here are starting to blossom now which is lush!!!!! I will bore you with my bathroom new plants as I get them!!!!!! Keep on keeping on. Take care Redkite

[littlebird]

6 hours ago, redkite said:

The flowers the wanky gardner cut down have survived!!! Grape hyacinth doing well as well as the  fox clubs and feverfew making a come back!!!!

Oh my goodness, you have no idea the relief I feel to hear this as a fellow plant lover. Phew! 

 

6 hours ago, redkite said:

Favourite indoor plant a cactus I have had for nearly 10 years and its still really small......but never dies!!!!! It had a spiky baby on the top now and lives on the bathroom window ceils!!

I loooooove succulents, it continues to impress me how they bounce back after I'm out of a town for a month. I love ZZ plants for this reason too, they seem to thrive on being left alone. I've been wondering if it's just my imagination, or if the air quality has improved since I started filling the house with plants. We live in a busy city with lots of pollution, but it seems nicer indoors. Definitely nice to see the green if nothing else!

 

6 hours ago, redkite said:

back in the day I used to go to a lot of free Raves here in the UK and used to play and dance for days

I was just missing the raves of my younger days!! I adored the loving nature of the crowds, how sweet and cuddly and friendly strangers were. And dancing until I just couldn't dance anymore! Ah, nostalgia. People in the states always say that the UK rave scene was next level, I missed out!

 

6 hours ago, redkite said:

All the fruit trees here are starting to blossom now which is lush!!!!!

We've been having trees blossoming too, it's making my heart sing when I go for a walk! Sometimes I dream of living somewhere tropical with flowers everywhere all the time.

 

6 hours ago, redkite said:

I will bore you with my bathroom new plants as I get them!!!!!!

Please do, I won't find it boring at all. My bathroom only has a few plants, I've been wanting to get it more greened out. I've been propagating some pothos, that might be a good place to start. Gotta get some new pots, might hit some thrift stores and see if I get lucky on the cheap.

 

6 hours ago, redkite said:

Keep on keeping on. Take care Redkite

Thank you for stopping by, and please do keep me updated! I've been enjoying all the native wildflower seeds I've scattered enjoying the recent rains, and I think the pollinators do too. Might have to scatter some more around the neighborhood next time rain is on the forecast.

[littlebird]

Maybe I'm off base here, but I think sometimes that when a doctor sees all the psych meds on my file it makes them discount what I say. I've had a lot of times in my life when I was getting told something was not an issue/just anxiety/in my head until symptoms get worse and there are more physical signs there's a problem. Or maybe it's like that for everyone?

 

On a related note, Seroquel might be affecting my thyroid and the more I look into it... I wonder how much of my daily anxiety is thyroid related. Got a blood test, numbers aren't great, but the system is booked out and I can't talk to a doctor about it for a minute.

 

Anyone had this, the not being believed when reporting symptoms or the thyroid stuff? I really don't know that much about that part of my body, time to go down a research rabbit hole.

[littlebird]

🥰 Feeling so grateful to be more connected to others! I spent so much of my life isolating except from co-workers and neighbors (and only then mostly talking out of necessity/civility). Never in a million years thought it was med-related, but the less psych meds I'm on the more I'm connecting with my loved ones. Who woulda thought? Trying to let my docs know, maybe something to keep in the back of their minds when prescribing to lonely people - that it might actually make them feel more disconnected and alone.

🍀 Loving all the spring growth! 

🖌️ Feeling inspired to get creative, we'll see if I follow through.

🦄 Enjoying having a circle I can talk spirituality with, very freeing

🏳️‍⚧️ After some semi-unwanted travels to not trans-friendly places (with more in my future for work and family reasons, eep!), glad to be home

💗 So grateful for my sweet partner

☎️ Been enjoying having phone chats! Have you had one lately? Can be fun!

🧶 Thinking about playing with textiles again - how can I motivate myself into getting creative and making time for fun? Lately I just fall asleep on the couch during ideal crafting time, maybe body needs that more, but I'd like to get back into it.

💊 SO GLAD to be on less meds, despite the WD (mild overall) I'm sleeping fine and feeling less depressed/hopeless on less Serq (not to mention all the rest of them)

🥗 Partner insisted on a healthy dinner for us, and it was delicious and felt more nourishing than most meals I've had lately - I needed someone to remind me to take good care of myself last night.

🥣 Got some leftover soup in the fridge I'm looking forward to!

☔️ We've got some rain coming, gonna try to scatter seeds before it comes - greening up my city neighborhood one bit at a time!

[littlebird]

Time change has me off with the med sched, body will say it's time for meds at the wrong times. Interesting how much body is cueing the meds, although I definitely still need timers and clocks - couldn't go on impulse alone. Anyone else struggling with the time jump?

 

Struggling with work and daily tasks, feeling like I could sleep for a week... def in a wave, huh? Not the worst I've felt by a mile, but not the best either. Just gotta get to the next window!

[littlebird]

Struggling with a small work task I forgot to ask a clarifying question about earlier, so pushing through after Gabapentin time with cloudy head. At least I'm not the only one burning the midnight oil, I could ask my question, and now I gotta do it. If I try enough times, I can do it. 😤 Right? Trying not to turn to caffeine, cause bedtime is in 40 minutes. OK, back to work.

[littlebird]

On 3/11/2024 at 11:20 PM, littlebird said:

Struggling with a small work task I forgot to ask a clarifying question about earlier, so pushing through after Gabapentin time with cloudy head. At least I'm not the only one burning the midnight oil, I could ask my question, and now I gotta do it. If I try enough times, I can do it. 😤 Right?

You know what? I persisted, and found that the bug was elsewhere in the system. Finding that late at night meant a teammate who is overseas got the info right as he was starting his work day and could knock it out immediately.

 

I feel like a big part of my healing process has been to relax and have faith that sometimes things work out. I'm so used to being hyper-vigilant, so it doesn't come naturally to go with the flow and trust life, but it's a muscle I'm flexing and working out.

 

Honestly, I think the gratitude lists are helping - making me look at what is working and nice in my life. It's a great frame of mind to get into. I can't thank @Carmie enough for getting me started on gratitude!

[littlebird]

☀️ When the sun is out, my mental health is so much brighter too!

🌿 Enjoying watching some of my plants start to bud - can't wait to see them bloom! Houseplants have been unfurling new leaves, so nice to see day by day.

🎽 Got some unexpected fashion inspiration, might play a bit. I tend to wear the same thing every day, like a cartoon character (or someone with a depression uniform) and it might be fun to mix it up a little.

💜 Enjoying chatting with friends, it's been nice to connect with faraway loved ones.

💖 On that note, I've been on a healing journey with a pal for over a decade now who also had childhood trauma. While we have a lot of goals still, we've both come such a long way! I'm so proud of us and how hard we've worked on our healing.

🍓 Starting to think about what I'd like to plant this spring. You know, I should get my hands dirty and weed so we're ready to go when I find good plant starts. It would definitely be good for me!

📙 Getting back into reading has been so good for me. When I first got back into it (used to be a total bookworm as a kid) I would only let myself read nonfiction. What's wrong with fiction, again? That was so silly of me. It's been great to just let myself read whatever I want to (and give myself permission not to finish books that aren't enjoyable or are triggering).

😵‍💫 My physical health hasn't been the best lately, and it's hard to tell what's a me problem and what's a med/WD problem, BUT I talked to a doctor who took me seriously and ordered tests and that feels good. 

🥑 Avocados are growing! Might have to shimmy up a tree soon. Every time I put one in my backpack, I mentally count by $2 and feel like a hunter/gatherer. 

🪣 Speaking of being a modern urban hunter/gatherer, I started putting a bucket in the shower to catch the water as it heats up and use that to water my plants. With our old water heater and how long it takes to get warm, might have to get a bigger bucket and have enough for outdoor plants too! I dream of having a grey-water irrigation system one day.

👩🏼‍🎤 I think I might start playing with make-up again, been seeing some cool looks out and about that make me want to draw on my face. Anyone into makeup and have tutorials to recommend? I'm a novice.

[littlebird]

Nothing like a nice day to make you think, "Hey, maybe everything is gonna be all right." Birds are singing, sun is shining, I'm gonna try and marinate in this feeling of enjoyment for as long as it lasts. 🥰

 

If you happen to be reading this in a cold dark place, hold on!! Spring is coming!!! Just a little longer. <- Literally and metaphorically, bayBEE