littlebird: tried tapering Pristiq - will try tapering Wellbutrin instead

[littlebird]

I so want to be social, but honestly can't be ***** to take steps make it happen and it's been a relief when plans fell through. Started to spiral into "Oh no, what if I isolate myself to death," but gotta remember that tapering symptoms come and go; felt the same way when Pristiq generic changed recently.

 

Also feeling a bit sensitive to sound and overhead lighting is annoying me, seems like I'm deep in the adjustment phase. Trying to get a little work done cause the extra-strong brand name really threw my concentration/focus/motivation for a loop this past week. Gonna take a little time to do a mini-gratitude list before I go tho:

 

🌴 Working outside! Technology is great, love having a laptop and being able to get a little work done under the trees

🧢 I have a fun assignment of figuring out swag gifts for company conferences, got other pressing tasks to work on but it's been fun to think about in the background

🧽 Pushed myself to do dishes and it's good to have an empty sink and some more counter space now

😤 Feeling much more motivation since lowering the Serq! That was such the move. Switching to the stronger brand name really made it hit home how much this med has been affecting my depression/motivation/hope for the future

🌞 We had some cloudy days, which makes it even nicer when the sun comes out! Loving having a bright day

[j1290]

3 hours ago, littlebird said:

I so want to be social, but honestly can't be ***** to take steps make it happen and it's been a relief when plans fell through.

A..are you me??!?  Something similar just happened and it's a relief.  I really *want* to want to be social, but I think I'm just too complicated to be around when I'm symptomatic.   

 

[Fifree]

27 minutes ago, j1290 said:

3 hours ago, littlebird said:

I so want to be social, but honestly can't be ***** to take steps make it happen and it's been a relief when plans fell through.

A..are you me??!?  Something similar just happened and it's a relief.  I really *want* to want to be social, but I think I'm just too complicated to be around when I'm symptomatic.   

 

As John Mulvaney said: In terms of instant relief, cancelling plans is like heroin.

[j1290]

6 minutes ago, Fifree said:

As John Mulvaney said: In terms of instant relief, cancelling plans is like heroin.

LOL that guy is really excellent, and absolutely correct.  That was funny.   

[littlebird]

16 hours ago, j1290 said:

20 hours ago, littlebird said:

I so want to be social, but honestly can't be ***** to take steps make it happen and it's been a relief when plans fell through.

A..are you me??!?  Something similar just happened and it's a relief.

OMG, the relief that comes sometimes when plans fall through is only matched by when you're running late and it turns out the person you're meeting is running late too.

 

16 hours ago, Fifree said:

As John Mulvaney said: In terms of instant relief, cancelling plans is like heroin.

Ohhhhhhhhh so real! Trying real hard not to get a fix on cancelling plans today. I can do this. 😭

[littlebird]

Kinda blowing my mind how much better my sleep is on a lower dose of Seroquel. Could also be the brand name med, but it's got me wondering if I was having a paradoxical effect all these years and having disrupted sleep. I was definitely waking up gasping for air when taking Gabapentin with Seroquel at bedtime (thank god for this website cluing me in to that interaction) so that alone has been helping.

 

Still, I'd expected less sleep or less deep sleep on a lower dose of the sleep med, but it's been the opposite. Sleeping very well and remembering dreams in the morning, which makes me wonder if I wasn't getting my REM cycles in on the higher dose.

 

Seems like body is stabilizing and getting used to all this, and I'm so beyond grateful I switched to the brand name. That generic threw me for a loop, but it turns out to have been a blessing in disguise and a little more of this complicated tapering puzzle sorted. Also, what an unexpected tapering win to have my tolerance lowered by the bad generic, and the equivalent dose of the brand name being much lower than that low quality med. 

 

Sleep is so important! Feels like my mental health is stabilizing from better rest alone. After a rocky few weeks, feeling like I'm course-corrected and on the right track. I will take this window with both hands and rub my face on it like a happy cat!

[littlebird]

Had two forms of trauma therapy today and body is predictably having some feelings. I've noticed when CSA trauma comes up, later in the day I inevitably get so tense in my hips that I get what feels like a fibromyalgia flare-up. Really struggling with this today. Been trying to relax and still waves of pain are rocking me and inflammation is so high that I feel really out of sorts. 

 

Hopefully one day I can talk about this topic without there being a physical reaction. Does the body keep the score or what?? If I can get the energy up (doubtful) I'd like to clean the tub and take a bath... but I'm feeling like I might just clean up the kitchen for the night and then lie on an electric blanket for a bath-like effect. Not sure I have a tub-scrub in me, and the tub takes forever to fill and it might be an earlier bedtime night. 

 

Wondering if I let myself have a little cry if that might let some of this tension out? Grief about all that abuse has taken from me was a heavy topic in therapy, but I was trying not to cry too much for some reason. Felt like a waste of precious therapy time 😅

[littlebird]

19 minutes ago, littlebird said:

If I can get the energy up (doubtful) I'd like to clean the tub and take a bath

Dudes. Duuuuudes. My partner overheard me telling a fellow bath-loving friend that I thought a soak might be helpful after an emotional therapy day, and quietly went in the bathroom to scrub out the tub and started the water for me. 🥹 If I wasn't already married to them, I'd propose. Feeling like this happy lil birb now! 

[j1290]

1 hour ago, littlebird said:

Feeling like this happy lil birb now!

Adoreable birb!   Bath for the win!

[littlebird]

The bath helped so much. I wouldn't have had the energy to clean out the tub and I really did need a soak. Adding to my Home Manifesting List: a separate tub from the shower so it doesn't need to be scrubbed out every time. Also a dishwasher!

[littlebird]

Life circumstances are tough right now, so a lil gratitude might be in order:

 

😴 Sleeping through the night since finding the right Serq dose has been a huge game-changer. Didn't realize how much waking up throughout the night was affecting me until it wasn't. What an unexpected win, would never have expected a lower dose would mean more sleep.

🐾 I'm just so happy we have our pup. When I'm having a hard day, having a little snuggle with my fuzzy bb helps me feel better.

🌻 Feeling a bit more clear-headed since lowering dose too! I'd been thinking the cog fog I was having was post-viral, which it definitely is, but it was being worsened by Serq and I had no idea

🫖 Tea is my favorite drink, such a nice way to start the day. 🥰

🌈 I get to see one of my favorite people later this week! 

🎨 I'm getting more confidence in my design-work, caught sight of something I made and felt proud of myself 

[littlebird]

On 9/12/2023 at 6:51 PM, littlebird said:

I keep dropping things! All the time!!!

This problem just got expensive: I dropped the tablet I use for graphic design for work. It's my device, not the company's, so I'm on the hook for this one I think. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuudge! Just googled around, repairs not cheap. Gonna see if I can use this with a broken screen. Also might scream into a pillow for a hot minute. 😎

[littlebird]

Doctor rant and content warning for a medical detail: why are so many, not just psychiatrists, so bad at their job? I guess some people had to barely scrape through medical school and residency. Someone I know just got told the open sores of their MRSA "probably aren't infectious."

 

I mean... what? Even with no healthcare background I know that's patently false. Wash your hands often and well, y'all! Also know a grown man who got a terribly painful bout of hand, foot, and mouth disease (usually a childhood illness) and someone else who was in the ICU getting a strep infection removed from a limb this summer and still hasn't regained full function.

 

****'s getting weird out here with everyone's t-cells damaged by repeat covid infection. I mean, it is a great time to be a virus or bacteria though! Those tiny babies are out here thriving and evolving like nobody's business. 🦠 Except it's all of our business, so please take care of your fellow humans by preventing the spread of disease as much as you can. 😷+🧼

[j1290]

4 hours ago, littlebird said:

Gonna see if I can use this with a broken screen. Also might scream into a pillow for a hot minute. 😎

Good plan!  Accidents happen, but it sure would be nice if we could just un-do them.   I've smashed many a screen in my time, sometimes not on purpose 😄

 

2 hours ago, littlebird said:

I guess some people had to barely scrape through medical school and residency.

What do you call a med student who graduated last in his class?  Doctor.  

Just sayin'.   

[littlebird]

18 minutes ago, j1290 said:

3 hours ago, littlebird said:

I guess some people had to barely scrape through medical school and residency.

What do you call a med student who graduated last in his class?  Doctor.  

Just sayin'. 

Real talk!!!!

[Fifree]

1 hour ago, littlebird said:

1 hour ago, j1290 said:

4 hours ago, littlebird said:

guess some people had to barely scrape through medical school and residency.

What do you call a med student who graduated last in his class?  Doctor.  

Just sayin'. 

Real talk!!!!

I’ve been thinking about this lately too… with nurses too.  Playing trivia the other night, we were asked to name the two glands most important in human growth. We all agreed on pituitary and then someone said “oh just put down endocrine”. I said “but endocrine is a system not a gland - how about thyroid?” SHE IS A NURSE!!! I shouldn’t know more about this stuff than her! It’s one thing for me to scrape through my diploma of French with passing grades but health practitioners? Terrifying. 

[littlebird]

1 hour ago, Fifree said:

We all agreed on pituitary and then someone said “oh just put down endocrine”. I said “but endocrine is a system not a gland - how about thyroid?” SHE IS A NURSE!!! I shouldn’t know more about this stuff than her! It’s one thing for me to scrape through my diploma of French with passing grades but health practitioners? Terrifying. 

I've also run into nurses with health knowledge (or lack thereof) that raised my eyebrows... glad to be alive in the time of health knowledge being widely available! Ah well, not everyone was paying attention in school. Can't help but think about the brain damage that comes with covid infection/reinfection and the memory/cognition issues people are reporting. Could be some people are losing part of their education being on the front lines of healthcare in the age of masks going away.

[littlebird]

Another day, another med shortage! 😎 Can't get a refill of Gabs. Wish we had a local exchange type thing, where someone who doesn't need their Gabapentin anymore could donate some and I could donate my unused meds (like the ill-advised Prozac a doc tried to bridge me with) to someone who could use them.

 

My dog got a prescription for Gabapentin before, lowkey considering that as a Plan D if I can't find it before I run out. Weird times! 

[j1290]

Did you try a Prozac bridge?!?  I always wanted to try that to get off Effexor but was too chicken way back in the day, but maybe I should have tried.  It sounded reallllllyy iffy.   

[littlebird]

18 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Did you try a Prozac bridge?!?  I always wanted to try that to get off Effexor but was too chicken way back in the day, but maybe I should have tried.  It sounded reallllllyy iffy.   

Yup, shortly after joining the site I think. Made me feel like absolute shite, and when I reached out to the prescribing doctor he told me I was on too low a dose to be feeling what I was feeling, and moreover all of my meds were at a dose below therapeutic value and I wasn't actually feeling any effects/side effects/WD symptoms and it was all psychosomatic. Filed a complaint so hard about that foolio! 

[littlebird]

👯 I've been deep in my cave, but I emerged to have dinner with a friend last night and I'm so glad I did! I felt so much better after spending time with someone I care about. 

🥳 On that note, I get to see one of my favorite people this weekend and their awesome partner! We live in different parts of the country and it's always a treat when we're in the same place.

☁️ I'm so grateful my partner invested in HEPA filters for our house! Wildfire smoke is really bad right now and I think we'd be feeling pretty rough if we didn't have clean air inside.

🐾 Thorin mentioned feeling closer to his dog while tapering, and I've found the exact same thing. I've been spending more time just petting and cuddling my sweet furry bb. I've also been feeling closer to the people in my life, had no idea how much these chemicals were fueling the feelings of being on the outside of life looking in.

🥑 Got some free avocados from a neighbor's tree

🍅 Partner made some oven-dried tomatoes from our bumper crop and they're a delicious topping

🦋 There have been a lot of butterflies around, feels like more than usual. Always nice to see one flutter by

🌺 I got a new hummingbird feeder for a couple bucks from a thrift store and it has little seats for my buds while they drink. I've been enjoying getting a closer look at them since they're in rest while drinking. Which reminds me, gotta clean and fill those feeders!

💛 For some reason, I've been thinking about how grateful I am to have been saved from things I thought I wanted in the past. What I was so convinced at times would be "the thing to make me happy" in hindsight were dodged bullets. Glad life is working out all right! 😎

[littlebird]

Not gonna lie, that gratitude list was hard to come up with that time. Life feels unmanageably hard. Not even from med changes, those have been unexpectedly beneficial of late: I'm sleeping better than ever before in my whole life, depression is down, and motivation is up.

 

Tbh I think it's largely getting crushed in the wheels of capitalism, plus can't move out of the place where I got violently mugged. Had a super threatening encounter the other night too; I think that might have kicked off a mild PTSD episode in retrospect. Maybe the guy was struggling with mental health and/or drugs, but he invaded my space in front of my house suddenly after staring at me from across the street earlier in a very weird way that immediately set off internal alarms. He was a little horror movie-esque from start to finish and it's got my head on a swivel now even more than usual.

 

Having to pay for sub-par healthcare isn't helping either! These co-pays for meds keep rising for some reason?? This poly-drug thing is getting mad expensive each month. Gotdamn, LB is having a rough flipping day. I noticed I started feeling really hopeless after taking Gabapentin............ so maybe levels still being too high is a part of this after all. Nothing I can do about that, stuck in a holding pattern. Holds are v frustrating, but I know from experience they're beneficial. 

[j1290]

17 minutes ago, littlebird said:

Not gonna lie, that gratitude list was hard to come up with that time.

It takes discipline to do these in the tough times, but that's how you build up resilience, I hear.  I need to start doing them myself, they're really smart.   

 

19 minutes ago, littlebird said:

but he invaded my space in front of my house suddenly after staring at me from across the street earlier in a very weird way that immediately set off internal alarms. He was a little horror movie-esque from start to finish and it's got my head on a swivel now even more than usual.

Yeah this is freaking terrifying, much less while dealing with other health issues like WD.  I know we've talked about it before, but I need to make changes after coming off of meds.  I'm more sensitive these days.  

 

26 minutes ago, littlebird said:

I noticed I started feeling really hopeless after taking Gabapentin............ so maybe levels still being too high is a part of this after all. Nothing I can do about that, stuck in a holding pattern. Holds are v frustrating, but I know from experience they're beneficial. 

I think watching feelings closely is a really smart thing to do to watch for red flags.   Every now and then I have a rough day that feels emotionally down, but I usually bounce back.   Before I had to do a long hold back in May I could tell I wasn't bouncing back like I normally would have, I had a tapering issue.  

[littlebird]

1 hour ago, j1290 said:

I need to start doing them myself, they're really smart.   

Highly recommend for a quick mindset shift! I've really enjoyed people sharing them on here (shoutout to @Carmie for being a trendsetter). It's nice to hear what is making folks happy and/or what makes their lives better.

 

1 hour ago, j1290 said:

Yeah this is freaking terrifying, much less while dealing with other health issues like WD. 

I was talking to someone on the phone at the time, and I went silent mid-sentence and the person on the other end heard him muttering to himself and me quickly moving out of grabbin' range.

 

DUUUUUUDE, I could totally film a low budget real-life horror series based on this place. There was one dude who used to sit on the stoop across the street staring directly at our window for hours. Super unsettling place in a lot of ways! I could combine all the creeps into one terrifying character.... not sure if I want to do this, but could be a cathartic short story to work on or something. 

 

1 hour ago, j1290 said:

I think watching feelings closely is a really smart thing to do to watch for red flags.

So true. I have yet to get on your note-taking level, but there's a clear daily rollercoaster of "more depression and less focus when Gabapentin kicks in" and "anxiety creeps up as Wellbutrin kicks in," lather, rinse, repeat. 

 

1 hour ago, j1290 said:

Before I had to do a long hold back in May I could tell I wasn't bouncing back like I normally would have, I had a tapering issue.  

It's good you're also settling in to a holding pattern! 😇 Fellow "let it ride" club member. 🏍️ Trying to find peace in doing nothing.

 

1 hour ago, j1290 said:

Before I had to do a long hold back in May I could tell I wasn't bouncing back like I normally would have, I had a tapering issue.

Yup yup yup, when I had the wrong calculations on Wellbutrin last year or the bad generic this year, the bad days had a different "flavor." Neuro-emotions definitely feel different. This, while potentially exacerbated by Gabapentin still being too high, definitely has some clear roots in life issues.

 

They say money can't buy happiness, but I'm willing to test that hypothesis if the universe is. From this side of wealth inequality, sure seems like money could buy brand name meds, weekly specialized therapy, a safer place to live, healthy foods, and more time to see my loved ones. 😅

[j1290]

3 minutes ago, littlebird said:

They say money can't buy happiness, but I'm willing to test that hypothesis if the universe is.

LMAO!!!!   My experience is it doesn't make me happy, but can avoid a lot of misery.  

 

4 minutes ago, littlebird said:

From this side of wealth inequality, sure seems like money could buy brand name meds, weekly specialized therapy, a safer place to live, healthy foods, and more time to see my loved ones. 😅

You said it all.  It's not exactly like taking Xanax or something, but you damn sure have a lot of options, and all of those sound good.  

 

6 minutes ago, littlebird said:

the bad days had a different "flavor." Neuro-emotions definitely feel different

Exactly this.  When I had weird days that time on a scale of 1-10 I felt like a zero, like a totally different level that shouldn't exist.  I managed, but couldn't have if it was any lower than that.   

 

10 minutes ago, littlebird said:

I was talking to someone on the phone at the time, and I went silent mid-sentence and the person on the other end heard him muttering to himself and me quickly moving out of grabbin' range.

So scary.  

 

12 minutes ago, littlebird said:

Super unsettling place in a lot of ways! I could combine all the creeps into one terrifying character..

You're making me think of a bunch of scary movies right now.  That's a lot to process while in WD, to put it mildly.  

[littlebird]

1 minute ago, j1290 said:

15 minutes ago, littlebird said:

They say money can't buy happiness, but I'm willing to test that hypothesis if the universe is.

LMAO!!!!   My experience is it doesn't make me happy, but can avoid a lot of misery.  

That! It might not buy happiness, but it solves problems and cushions life's blows. Plus travel! 😎

 

3 minutes ago, j1290 said:

That's a lot to process while in WD, to put it mildly.  

This neighborhood + cPTSD + med changes has not always led to the best moments in my life. 😅 I don't know if I've even gotten into how I avoided getting shot by procrastinating on taking out the recycling. On a related note, not sure what to do about these bullet holes. I guess we just leave them, like knots in the wood.

 

People in our life (who don't live in a high cost of living area or who have a lot of money) keep saying we need to move, and they don't know how hard we've been trying! Here's hoping this place is a chapter of our lives that will soon close, with a new one full of happy, peaceful home and garden joys! 

[j1290]

7 minutes ago, littlebird said:

That! It might not buy happiness, but it solves problems and cushions life's blows. Plus travel! 😎

Perfectly said.  

8 minutes ago, littlebird said:

has not always led to the best moments in my life. 😅

I think for the reasons you stated I find myself winding up in situations because I painted the red flags green.  

10 minutes ago, littlebird said:

People in our life (who don't live in a high cost of living area or who have a lot of money) keep saying we need to move, and they don't know how hard we've been trying!

I think people sometimes have a blind spot when it comes to certain situations because they can't wrap their head around it.  That said, I try and be understanding because I've put my foot in my mouth sooooooo many times 🤣🤣🤣   When I hear something like that though it does come off as a 'let them eat cake' moment, however! 😆

[Fifree]

4 hours ago, j1290 said:

5 hours ago, littlebird said:

Not gonna lie, that gratitude list was hard to come up with that time.

It takes discipline to do these in the tough time

For me, when I feel low, is the most important time for me to do them. It’s easy for me to start feeling sorry for myself but does me a power of good to take stock and look at all the good things in my life. Maybe I’m just reminding myself of all the ways life could be worse, but it always makes me feel better. 
 

Sorry to hear about latest scary incident LB. It sounds rough. BUT super happy to hear about the med changes being so positive. 

[littlebird]

15 hours ago, Fifree said:

Sorry to hear about latest scary incident LB. It sounds rough.

Someone stepped on a leaf across the street while I was smoking on the front steps and I reacted like I'd seen a bear. I think nervous system is a little rattled, I might have some unprocessed mugging trauma in the mix too.

 

15 hours ago, Fifree said:

super happy to hear about the med changes being so positive. 

Such an unexpected blessing! I'm still in shock that a lower dose is equaling better sleep. I'll take it! Feeling a lot more steady with night after night of better sleep under my belt. It was hard to face the day when I was restless all night on a higher dose. Looking back over my notes, there was a lot of "bad night's sleep, making for a rough morning."

 

Thinking of doctors who told me I needed a higher dose if I was sleeping poorly - thank goodness I didn't listen to them. Who would have thought the opposite would be best? 

[littlebird]

Just picked up Gabapentin - another new generic brand. Shoot! Fingers crossed it's very similar to what I've been taking. Also prices keep going up on meds, up and down the pharmacy checkout line we were all saying variations of, "Wait, how much? Are you sure? Never cost that much before."

 

Ah well, it was looking like it was going to be out of stock so I'm trying to be grateful I was able to secure it at all... but I'm really not up for another big shift. Welp, gotta roll with the punches!

[littlebird]

2 minutes ago, littlebird said:

Just picked up Gabapentin - another new generic brand.

Since they're liquid and the same amount, could I potentially create a 50/50 of the old liquid and the new to crossover? Any contraindications to doing this? Liquid looks like the same consistency as well.

[j1290]

1 hour ago, littlebird said:

another new generic brand

These changes are such a trial, really sorry to hear that you have to deal with these.  I hope everything is uneventful.  

[Fifree]

2 hours ago, littlebird said:

could I potentially create a 50/50 of the old liquid and the new to crossover

No expert obvs, but this sounds like a great idea to me. I've been doing my switch from brand name Lex drops to generic tablets by going back and forth on the daily, gradually taking more tablets and less liquid per week and it seems to have worked fine. I know gabs is different from an ssri tho in how long it takes to kick in so a blend sounds like a genius plan to me

[littlebird]

On 9/22/2023 at 6:53 PM, Fifree said:

On 9/22/2023 at 4:30 PM, littlebird said:

could I potentially create a 50/50 of the old liquid and the new to crossover

No expert obvs, but this sounds like a great idea to me. I've been doing my switch from brand name Lex drops to generic tablets by going back and forth on the daily, gradually taking more tablets and less liquid per week and it seems to have worked fine. I know gabs is different from an ssri tho in how long it takes to kick in so a blend sounds like a genius plan to me

It's been working! The first few doses of the 50/50 were a bit of a bump, which makes me think switchover to the new brand would have been rough. The taste of two artificial liquids mixed together is foul, but that's been the only downside. I was thinking I could do a gentle crossover where I gradually increase the amount of the new liquid.

 

Gabapentin is often used in veterinary care, was talking to a vet who mentioned it's been a whole thing to source it lately. I'm thinking I should stockpile the pills in case I need to go back to making my own liquid again! Med shortages are starting to make me anxious, glad I'm on a path to get off these. Doesn't feel good to be chained to something like this in a time of instability, glad I'm on the way to being free of psych meds.

[littlebird]

2 hours ago, littlebird said:

The first few doses of the 50/50 were a bit of a bump, which makes me think switchover to the new brand would have been rough.

I'm having similar feelings to when I've done a taper in the past: more emotional, crying much more than usual, more anxiety. Seems like this is a low quality generic maybe? Definitely don't want to updose, or switch to making my own liquid again unless I have to. Just hoping I get used to it. Glad I didn't do a straight switch and tried the 50/50. 

[littlebird]

My friends, this new brand of generic Gabapentin is bunk. I feel like I'm on a taper with the 50/50 mix and the same dose I was taking. Luckily, I have enough Gabapentin WD under my belt to recognize the signs:

✅ overly emotional, easily crying

✅ memories coming in hot

✅ over-empathizing to my detriment

✅ tense/nervous/hyper-vigilant 

✅ so distracted with intrusive trauma-related thoughts that it's hard to focus on work

 

Happily, I talk to my psychiatrist today! Excellent timing for this problem with the generic to have arisen. The easy answer is to do brand name, right? Except a bottle of this stuff costs more than I make in an hour for a generic and brand name probably worth its weight in gold. Another option is to make my own liquid from pills, which I've been enjoying the reprieve from with the pre-made liquid. Wish I could just look up how much the brand name is, but I won't know until I'm at the register in the pharmacy.

 

It's a super busy time in life, so I'm tempted to just pay for it.... but also we're on a super tight budget. Between a rock and a hard place here. Damn Kaiser for switching these generic suppliers so often! So many wrenches being thrown into my tapering plan.

 

This company is really cleaning up: raising co-pays while switching to lower-quality generics, having me and others pay even more to switch to brand name. No wonder they're reporting a $2.1 BILLION dollar profit margin in Q2 alone. They're nonprofit according to this article, which means they're taxed differently than other corps, but this is for profit healthcare and it is evil. If my life was just a little bit different, this might be my villain origin story. 

 

I'm having a hard day and feeling way too emotional to handle all the things on my to-do list. Great timing for a pre-scheduled psychiatrist visit! She's been so helpful thus far (other than her belief that CT and fast tapers are safe).