littlebird: tried tapering Pristiq - will try tapering Wellbutrin instead

[Poppy745]

8 hours ago, littlebird said:

They feel amazing! Wish I could schedule them or find a way to bring them on. How have you been?

Hey @littlebird Last week was so awful with waves and intrusive thoughts. Then at the weekend I had some amazing windows. It makes me so upset when I think about it because it was so good. I have been paying for those windows since and the last few days have been awful again. I can't believe how hard this process is and that it is happening at all. Your gratitude lists help to remind me of good things, thank you. Always lovely to hear from you. Have a good week.

[littlebird]

☀️ Currently sitting in a patch of sun like like a lil housepet

🌿 Got some new leaves growing on houseplants! I love watching them grow and unfurl

🛁 Took a bath last night, was great to relax mind and body

☔️ Our recent rains have been making greenery pop up, love to see it

🐷 I put some treats in my dog's snuffle mat last night (like a puzzle for dogs) and she was making the cutest little piggy-sounds as she snuffled through and figured it out, very entertaining to watch her go to work

🍄 Rain also brought out mushrooms, very cute to see them around

🥕 Been enjoying cooking a bit more lately, it's been fun to challenge myself

[littlebird]

Why is there no middle ground between one dose of Gabapentin making me drowsy and 2.5% less making me anxious with increased chronic pain. Do I need to dilute this further so I have more leeway on lowering it? Y'all weren't joking with the warning that lower doses hit harder! 🤪

 

OK, second gratitude list of the day cause my nerves:

❤️ Super grateful I have more self-compassion, this WD business would be impossible if I was beating myself up. Still have a ways to go, but I'm a lot kinder these days!

🌈 Grateful to this site for helping me find a safe way to do this

🌙 Love my new psychiatrist, super helpful and affirming. They exist!!!

📚 Letting myself off the "read nonfiction or self-help books" hook during the holidays and reading things for pleasure

💞 My partner is the best best best, love them so much! 🥰

🐾 I know my dog is only snuggling this much cause it's chilly but I love it all the same

 

That did the trick! Feeling way more "window" now. So grateful for Carmie inspiring these lists! Real game/day-changer, 10/10, highly recommend. 

[littlebird]

From What my Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma by Stephanie Foo:

 

"'I am a sword,' I used to tell myself. Hacking and slashing. I refused to succumb to belts or golf clubs or gatekeepers saying no. I would stay alive. I would get what I wanted.

 

But the thing about being a sword is that you can never lay your weapon down. You never get to experience the ecstasy of surrender."

 

Really enjoying this memoir, would recommend for my fellow cPTSD buds.

[littlebird]

☀️ Got some sun today!

🍜 Had some good leftovers for lunch

☎️ Chatted with a friend on the phone

🌺 My houseplant flowered!

🪁 There's a nice breeze today, enjoying the fresh air

🧢 Wearing my favorite hat! It's got original art on it and it's fun

🍀 A random clover grew in a houseplant's soil, is this a lucky sign?

🍯 Added some honey to tea, I don't usually sweeten my drinks but it was nice!

🧶 Been enjoying making textile art, it's cozy

[littlebird]

🎁 Have I officially Made it Through the Holidays, or is that after NYE? Anywho, made it! So much easier on less meds.

🍯 Had some delicious treats to help me get through!

🍀 Plants are very happy, which makes me happy

🛁 Took a bath, helped my body and mind

👾 Let myself kick back and play some games, which was nice (and probably good for inner child)

🎟️ Brainstorming something fun to take partner out for, a married date activity, which is making me think of group trips as I research and find strange things I didn't know existed around here.

🌧️ Gonna put myself to bed, just caught myself "sleep avoiding" after some recent nightmares. Was able to say, "Ah, doing that thing again," and decide to make a healthier choice. Gonna take my Serq and hit the hay. 😴

[littlebird]

Solidarity to my fellow poly-drugged pals! Ooh, tapering one (even v Brassmonkey slowly) tugs threads that activate all the others. Maybe because I was prescribed so many interacting things? 😵‍💫 Can't believe I was popping them all in a handful for so many years!

[littlebird]

Came upstairs after some decaf tea and a cigarette, and got slammed with the weirdest sensation: ears started ringing, felt weak, and got so dizzy I had to sit down. My money is on this being WD related, it had the chemical feel of a med situation. I had taken my Wellbutrin shortly before, and now that I think about it, it was much smaller fragments than usual. Maybe it all dissolved at once when usually the larger fragments hit slower? Weird feeling, hope it passes soon.

[Mittenraised]

On 12/29/2023 at 7:34 PM, littlebird said:

Solidarity to my fellow poly-drugged pals! Ooh, tapering one (even v Brassmonkey slowly) tugs threads that activate all the others. Maybe because I was prescribed so many interacting things? 😵‍💫 Can't believe I was popping them all in a handful for so many years!

I can't relate to being poly drugged, but I will say tapering seroquel has been tough. Hang in there, I know the body can heal. It's the getting there that's so hard. Without you folks here, it would be impossible. Happy New Year!

[littlebird]

⚖️ <- me trying to balance out Gabapentin and Wellbutrin - adjust one, the other starts hitting harder. These suckers really interact. Today I'm having a lot of feelings about being polydrugged for so much of my life (completely against my will as I was a minor when it started) and how much it's affected me. 

 

Now that I'm on less of these, it's truly amazing I've been able to hold anything looking like a real adult life down while on so many. 

 

Gosh, just separating out Wellbutrin and Gabapentin from being taken together has really cleared things up. How the **** did I function at all, let alone at the levels I did? Patting my past self on the back for being a real trooper. 

 

20 hours ago, Mittenraised said:

tapering seroquel has been tough.

That one was interesting to taper! Had some wild nights of nightmares when I was doing that one. I had to get a whole wrist guard cause I was sleep-fighting so much that I gave myself carpal tunnel and typing started to hurt. Should have put it on last night, one hand is tweaking since I woke up so I think I threw some sleep punches last night. God bless my deep-sleeping partner, I truly could not be married to a light sleeper! 🤣

 

20 hours ago, Mittenraised said:

Hang in there, I know the body can heal. It's the getting there that's so hard. Without you folks here, it would be impossible. Happy New Year!

I want to put something on my wall to remind me that my body is always working towards healing. Even the symptoms of an illness are our immune systems at work, and when we get a swollen ankle after a sprain, the swelling is our body trying to "splint" the injured area. The body is magic, and I think we still have a lot to learn about how it heals itself and recovers from things.

 

Without this resource, I'd have no idea how to safely taper or that it was possible at all! I might even have let another long line of doctors try out increasing yet another dose (or adding in a new one to "see if it helps" and getting polydrugged further). I also got mad lucky getting paired with a new doc who session 1 said, "being over-medicated is real, I believe you, let's deprescribe." Godsend!

 

Happy new year to you as well! May 2024 bring us so many blessings and all the healing.

[littlebird]

⏰ Happy new year, y'all! Content warning: starting this gratitude list off with a massive privilege I wish everyone had. My health has gotten so much better since starting work that has flexible hours. Most days, I have the immense privilege of not needing to set an alarm clock (unless I have a call or meeting, which I try to always schedule in the afternoon). This means my body gets to tell me how much sleep it needs, and WOW has this improved my chronic pain and general mood. It sometimes means I need to pull some late nights, but honestly I'm a bit of a night owl and half our team is on the other side of the planet so it actually works out great. I used to have to wake up on the wrong side of dawn M-F for many years, so I seriously appreciate this blessing - there was a time being able to sleep as much as I needed or on a night owl schedule was a pipe dream. Blessed!!!!!!

 

🧶 I'm working on a craft project with wool, and it's a cozy little affair in these chilly months. Did you know the natural oils in wool is nature's lotion and if you work with it your hands will get softer? Also, for my fellow achey pals, wool has been shown to help fibromyalgia and I'm here to tell you - get you some wool long johns, socks, slippers, sweater, scarf, hat, and ooooooh baby will you be a cozy little creature. I wish I could pet a sheep right now and say thank you. 

 

🌙 I've been moongazing! Have you looked at her recently? If it's misty out, she really glows. I've even seen some rainbows around her! 🌈 10/10 excellent short meditation, looking at moon and thinking nice thoughts.

 

🍀 My lil sprouts are so happy and lush, really enjoying being a plant person.

 

🦕 Saw some really cool outdoor art that made me think about what I might like to make, or even what I have to say really. My mind has been cooking with ideas. I've never wheatpasted, have you? If anyone has, would love some tips and tricks. 

 

🦄 I've been working on positive self-talk! Gonna be a real sweetie-pie to myself in 2024, putting it out there right now. 

[littlebird]

1 hour ago, littlebird said:

I've been working on positive self-talk! Gonna be a real sweetie-pie to myself in 2024, putting it out there right now. 

Putting this to the test cause every task I'm tackling feels tough today. OK. What would I tell someone having a tough day? "You've got this, just keep at it and don't beat yourself up. Break things down into manageable tasks, do what you can, and be kind and encouraging."

 

It's hard and I'm grumpy! 🤣

[littlebird]

You ever read something so many times it doesn't even make sense anymore and falls apart if your brain when you try and that's how you know you need to call it a day and just edit and send that thing tomorrow? 🫡

[littlebird]

Taking Gabapentin is like putting a weighted blanket on my brain, which I think means the dose is still too high... and Wellbutrin is also too high and anxiety is a real problem soooooo......... I really don't know which to aim at next. 😵‍💫

[FireflyFyte]

On 1/4/2024 at 9:03 PM, littlebird said:

Taking Gabapentin is like putting a weighted blanket on my brain, which I think means the dose is still too high... and Wellbutrin is also too high and anxiety is a real problem soooooo......... I really don't know which to aim at next. 😵‍💫

 

Can you remind me the last medication you decreased and by how much?

[littlebird]

54 minutes ago, FireflyFyte said:

Can you remind me the last medication you decreased and by how much?

Gabapentin (it was hitting too hard after tapering Seroquel in the autumn), brought down less than 10%. I've been having fibromyalgia flares, so I'm thinking I should leave it where it's at despite the side effects so those don't get worse.

 

Anxiety has been high, so I'm thinking Wellbutrin might be the one to start with in 2024. Tried bringing it down less than 5% this weekend to test the waters (been holding a long while), it's been helpful so far I think. Fingers crossed it helps without making focus worse? Was just logging in to update my signature. 

 

Thank you for replying! How have you been doing?

[littlebird]

Just now, littlebird said:

Was just logging in to update my signature. 

Only to realize I'd already done that?? Okie dokie, not a great sign for Wellbutrin tapering with ADHD! 🤣 

[littlebird]

🥂 Had a sweet start to the new year, happy 2024!

🍀 My plants are thriving!

🖌️ Got creative recently and it was fun to play

🦄 Got out with friends for the first time in ages and I needed that! Not easy (kept having big time social anxiety), but after we hung a friend reached out sharing they were also worried about doing/saying the wrong stuff (and were fine) and it made me feel less alone and make for a great lil chat after with someone who also has anxiety

💖 So happy to be married to the sweetest person ever!! Lucky LB

❣️ Been practicing my self love!

🍊 Had some lovely fruit, made me want to go to the store and pick out some produce for healthy snacking

🌙 Slipping into mindfulness at times, lovely feeling

✅ Feeling fired up to get things done, and encouraging myself to keep it up!

📘 Been letting myself read whatever I want and enjoying every minute! Great way to wind down before bed

☔️ Found myself grateful for a rainy day, it was cozy and warm and the sound of the drops hitting the windows was soothing

[Ottergirl]

4 minutes ago, littlebird said:

🥂 Had a sweet start to the new year, happy 2024!

🍀 My plants are thriving!

🖌️ Got creative recently and it was fun to play

🦄 Got out with friends for the first time in ages and I needed that! Not easy (kept having big time social anxiety), but after we hung a friend reached out sharing they were also worried about doing/saying the wrong stuff (and were fine) and it made me feel less alone and make for a great lil chat after with someone who also has anxiety

💖 So happy to be married to the sweetest person ever!! Lucky LB

❣️ Been practicing my self love!

🍊 Had some lovely fruit, made me want to go to the store and pick out some produce for healthy snacking

🌙 Slipping into mindfulness at times, lovely feeling

✅ Feeling fired up to get things done, and encouraging myself to keep it up!

📘 Been letting myself read whatever I want and enjoying every minute! Great way to wind down before bed

☔️ Found myself grateful for a rainy day, it was cozy and warm and the sound of the drops hitting the windows was soothing

Loving these gratitude list @littlebird. I'll start doing the same! Feel free to follow me. I am also tapering Seroquel. Cheers! 

[FireflyFyte]

4 hours ago, littlebird said:

Anxiety has been high, so I'm thinking Wellbutrin might be the one to start with in 2024. Tried bringing it down less than 5% this weekend to test the waters (been holding a long while), it's been helpful so far I think.

 

I was leaning towards tapering the Wellbutrin so think you made a solid decision there. Hopefully the 5% drop is gentle on your system.

 

4 hours ago, littlebird said:

Thank you for replying! How have you been doing?

 

I have been doing OK. Finally down to 400mg of Gabapentin a day so will hold here for awhile and return to tapering the Olanzapine. Always fun trying to juggle when poly-drugged 😅

[littlebird]

1 hour ago, FireflyFyte said:

Always fun trying to juggle when poly-drugged 😅

 

It's 😤 SO 🫠 difficult! 🙃 Every little reduction jangles the other players. Solidarity! We're getting there, little by little.

[littlebird]

🎶 Hello headache, my old friend. Withdrawal has brought you here again. 🎶

 

I forgot how much Wellbutrin tapering brings a walloping headache at times. I want to stick my head in the freezer! It's like being hungover with none of the fun of a wild night. 🤣

[littlebird]

Hi friends! If you, like I did early on in tapering, have been thinking, "I should find a therapist or support group to help me through this," consider this your sign from the universe to do that. I'm very grateful to have found a therapist who is trauma-informed helping me as the Life Review hits (Gabapentin WD especially brings this on). I wish there was a specific support group for tapering, is there such a thing?

 

Currently trying to focus - Gabapentin kicking in always makes this a tough part of the day to buckle down. Just want to dissociate and stare! So far to focus I've tried green tea/matcha (it's fine, prefer the taste of black tea), CBD for "focus" (eh, don't think it did anything), peppermint (I guess?), classical music (a win so far, very nice on anxious days), and the pomodoro method (great at first, forget to set timer after a few rounds). 

 

Any ADHD buds got any tips and tricks I haven't tried?

[FeralCatman]

On 1/11/2024 at 3:48 PM, littlebird said:

Hi friends! If you, like I did early on in tapering, have been thinking, "I should find a therapist or support group to help me through this," consider this your sign from the universe to do that. I'm very grateful to have found a therapist who is trauma-informed helping me as the Life Review hits (Gabapentin WD especially brings this on). I wish there was a specific support group for tapering, is there such a thing?

 

Currently trying to focus - Gabapentin kicking in always makes this a tough part of the day to buckle down. Just want to dissociate and stare! So far to focus I've tried green tea/matcha (it's fine, prefer the taste of black tea), CBD for "focus" (eh, don't think it did anything), peppermint (I guess?), classical music (a win so far, very nice on anxious days), and the pomodoro method (great at first, forget to set timer after a few rounds). 

 

Any ADHD buds got any tips and tricks I haven't tried?

Angela peacock the withdrawal coach runs support groups for tapering so does Baylissa Frederick, Michael Priebe, and I am pretty sure that the inner Compass initiative also has online support groups for tapering. They are all fee-based services but people seem to like them I do not personally participate in any of them but you might want to check them out.

[littlebird]

7 hours ago, FeralCatman said:

They are all fee-based services but people seem to like them I do not personally participate in any of them but you might want to check them out

Thank you for the resources! Hope you're doing well and getting good nature time in.

[LotusRising]

On 1/11/2024 at 1:48 PM, littlebird said:

Any ADHD buds got any tips and tricks I haven't tried?

 

Have you ever read any of Dr. Daniel Amen's books? He's got a good one on the 7 types of ADHD.

 

What have you tried so far? 

[littlebird]

On 1/13/2024 at 11:48 AM, LotusRising said:

Have you ever read any of Dr. Daniel Amen's books? He's got a good one on the 7 types of ADHD.

I'm gonna look into this, thank you! I don't really know much about the types of ADHD.

 

On 1/13/2024 at 11:48 AM, LotusRising said:

What have you tried so far? 

I've tried green tea/matcha (it's fine, prefer the taste of black tea), CBD for "focus" (eh, don't think it did anything), peppermint (I guess?), classical music (a win so far, very nice on anxious days), and the pomodoro method (great at first, forget to set timer after a few rounds). Getting back into meditation would probably help. Ooh, the book How to Keep House While Drowning was a real good one too.

 

Sometimes I wonder if my over-reliance on nicotine and tea are attempts at getting that sweet ADHD med focus back. Miss the meds' help, but not the panic they brought about.

[littlebird]

☎️ Been having more phone calls these days, it's a nice way to reconnect with folks.

✴️ Seeing a light in the tunnel at work!

🌙 The moon was so beautiful as we walked our dog, with some sunset left in the sky

🌱 Some wildflower seeds I scattered are going off with the recent rain

🌀 Been working on catching my downward spirals and turning them into upward ones

👩🏼‍🎤 Experimented a little with makeup, it was fun!

🌺 Grateful for the blooming houseplant in my bedroom, makes me happy to see

[LotusRising]

15 hours ago, littlebird said:

Sometimes I wonder if my over-reliance on nicotine and tea are attempts at getting that sweet ADHD med focus back.

Definitely could be! My husband is for sure reliant on caffeine for focus and stimulation! He has had some luck with supplementation though, so perhaps that's something you'll be able to consider in the future when you're done tapering. 

 

15 hours ago, littlebird said:

I don't really know much about the types of ADHD.

I read it a long time ago, but I do recall it had a good overview. It's still based on a "labeling" mentality from what I remember, since he is a psychiatrist, but I like that he also looks at diet, lifestyle and supplementation. Always nice to have options  

[littlebird]

On 1/17/2024 at 7:37 AM, LotusRising said:

He has had some luck with supplementation though, so perhaps that's something you'll be able to consider in the future when you're done tapering.

What sort of supplements have been helping?

 

On 1/17/2024 at 7:37 AM, LotusRising said:

It's still based on a "labeling" mentality from what I remember, since he is a psychiatrist, but I like that he also looks at diet, lifestyle and supplementation. Always nice to have options  

Looking forward to checking this out! Thank you for the recommendation.

[littlebird]

Thinking about how when I joined this site, I expected to feel more destabilized on less meds. Shockingly, it's been the opposite - the meds were destabilizing me more than I thought possible. Maybe part of psychology training should be taking psych meds, I'm so serious. 

[littlebird]

Having a rough night and a rare moment of gratitude for the incoming Seroquel that will help me wind down and sleep. It's gotta be the last med I get off for that reason: like all living beings, I get rather off the rails with too little sleep. 

 

I find myself wondering if I'll ever be able to sleep normally without this chemical help? I've struggled with sleeplessness since I was a kid. Maybe with enough trauma work the stuff that keeps me up at night won't be so loud.

[FeralCatman]

The trauma work will definitely help in the long run and once you finally get off the Seroquel if you've done it really slowly it may be a little problematic at first but you will recover.  One thing I have noticed is that this withdrawal process seems to make everything feel worse including the trauma stuff so you may be struggling with that as well in that all the emotions are a bit overblown because of all the stress your body is under right now. I had sleep problems as a kid as well and I can't say now that I have perfect sleep but I certainly sleep well enough to get rested and function at an ever-increasing level so you will get there just keep doing the work and taking it slow and your body will adapt and you will get to where you want to be.

[Patient2022]

Just had a look through your story so far, I love that you do gratitude lists. It’s something I used to do a year ago in picture form. I’m in a series of many waves at the moment, so it seems would be helpful. So grateful for coming across your thread as a reminder that it could help. 
 

And also want to say well done to you for getting this far. You’re doing amazing.  Regarding sleep have you tried natural remedies such as magnesium sprays, lavender, meditation? 
 

[littlebird]

On 1/30/2024 at 4:24 AM, FeralCatman said:

One thing I have noticed is that this withdrawal process seems to make everything feel worse including the trauma stuff so you may be struggling with that as well in that all the emotions are a bit overblown because of all the stress your body is under right now.

Isn't that the truth!! Long-buried trauma getting unfrozen and coming to life.... it's like a horror movie with monsters frozen in a melting glacier.

 

On 1/30/2024 at 4:52 AM, Patient2022 said:

love that you do gratitude lists. It’s something I used to do a year ago in picture form. I’m in a series of many waves at the moment, so it seems would be helpful. So grateful for coming across your thread as a reminder that it could help. 

Oh yes, so grateful @Carmie got me going on gratitude lists - it's been so helpful in recovery. Thank you for stopping by! 

[littlebird]

Life is hard right now 😎 so what better time for a gratitude list?

 

☎️ Had some nice chats with friends, feeling really grateful

🌅 Took some time to watch the sun set today, it was really beautiful

🌟 The stars came out, and that app that tells you what the stars are told me that Jupiter was the bright light above my head - so cool!

🥗 I enjoyed cooking today, which is kind of a big deal for ED recovery! Felt proud of myself for making a healthy meal for my partner and I.

🦋 I've been seeing beautiful butterflies everywhere, and spotted a cool hummingbird

💜 Grateful for the internet and online communities, like this one!