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BaccatePlayer: Immediate adverse reaction to sertraline


BaccatePlayer

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Hi everyone! So glad I found this forum, seems like you have lots of experiences with different situations like this, so I hope my post follows your guidance. If not, I'm willing to correct it.

 

I've been a casual psychiatric patient dealing with officially diagnosed schizoaffective personality disorder, major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder since 10.2020 when I had to leave my job because of anxiety pushing me into insane reaction. Since then my doctor tried many drugs on me until I finally settled on just 150mg bupropion in 2023. I'm on levothyroxine as well (Hashimoto disease) which I take everyday (25mg) so it was just two tablets a day. 12.12.2023 was when I stopped taking bupropion because there was a deficit in my town. Had no bad effects of it. On 16.12.2023 when I had new box of Welbox I accidently took two tablets (100mg) of the sertraline I had since my first psychiatric visit (still it was stored in dark shelf and expiry date says 02/2024) instead of levothyroxine and bupropion. I was scared and unsure what to do, so I just took levothyroxine and decided not to take anything for a while. I called my doctor and she said I'll be fine (she was being pretty ignorant of that, just wondered where did I get sertraline from), but that evening I had a very anxious reaction for a moment. I ignored that and moved on with everything. In the morning I felt really bad and in the evening I got some terrible symptoms. Since then I felt "broken". Nothing has been improving, so I visited my doctor. She said I have bupropion withdrawal symptoms since I haven't been taking it and prescribed buspirone along with it. 18.12 I took that 150mg of bupropion during afternoon. Next day I had buspirone finally bought (deficient in my town as well), so 19; 20. & 21. I've been on 150mg bupropion and 5mg buspirone.

 

The problem was getting worse. I felt my brain was so overloaded with chemicals I couldn't bear it. Hot flushes, head in the grip, some sort of odd sensation I called "brain screams" because it was like head being past its tolerance of everything and nausea. Incredible suffering with things improving very slowly as I stopped taking any meds besides levothyroxine since then. It was so unbearable that I had no relief besides maybe a little from sitting in coldest room and sleeping a lot.

 

I found this forum this year and decided to implement some strategies. I had to be very delicate with myself, not leaving house, not moving head when it hurt. My doctor supported my decision of ditching out any med for now, but she says she wants me to visit her... except I'm not capable of doing I now. Some of the symptoms improved, mainly temperature sensitivity is gone, headaches mostly gone and brain doesn't feel "overchemicalized" anymore. I thought I learnt to control it around 18.01 when I entered a classic two good days - one low mood, prone to overreacting to negativity day, but suddenly I had a similair attack from my body at 22.01 when I felt like losing balance, "drunk person way of seeing", incredibly bad sensations that my brain produced and it turned into severe panic attack. Then I had a nightmare of never recovering and my heart was pounding at night. After a few, absolutely horrible days I suddenly got a lot better. I felt as if my brain parted in two and as I "stayed" on the light side of it I felt decent, but when I start worrying or panic I enter the dark side of it that I can't control.

 

After two days I had another regular low mood, vulnerable day, but I made through it. Sadly, the next day was absolute horror with my body forcing panic attacks on me almost like diarrhea forces you to run to toilet. I somehow broke through that without panicking, but next day was some unbearable sensations coming from the brain: as if it was overloading, like I was losing balance, having some mental mania or something, as if I was drowning in the whole ground. I couldn't stand it at all and forced sleep (which was difficult as the sensations kept waking me up and I only felt asleep like 3 hours later), but next day was some serious nausea and going mad. Beyond my pain tolerance.

 

Last two days I feel better physically, this is when I lost my headaches and my sight restored to normal, but I feel like something is about to happen. I'm so dread of similair attacks happening again that I can't distract myself. Very clingy to people, cannot feel safe, worries about everything, overall I don't feel myself. I'm utterly hopeless for most days. Today marks 7 weeks since that reaction to sertraline and I'm just too tired to carry this on. If you have any questions, feel free to ask. Any guidance or support is welcomed as well!

Pretty much all meds used at the dose of one pill a day.

10.2020 sertraline (50 upped to 100mg for two months) and pregabalin (150mg for half year)

2021 mirtazapine (30mg for four months), amitryptyline (cascading dose but doctor took me off it before reaching five tablets), olanzapine (5mg), lithium (this one I reacted to terribly as well, maybe due to my Hashimoto disease)

2022 duloxetine, reboxetine, venlafaxine (all unsuccessful attemps stopped after one day with no side effects following days, only reboxetine pushed through with one box)

2023 mainly bupropion (150mg stopped after few weeks, 300mg stopped after few another weeks, 150mg stopped after few months) until IAR, buspirone (5mg) tried for 3 days

2024 dealing with immediate adverse reaction to 100mg sertraline. It happened just once on 16.12.2023. One 100mg dose in the morning. To visualize it: autumn 2023 - 150mg bupropion daily, 12.12.2023 - bupropion stopped, 16.12.2023 - 100mg sertraline, 18.12.2023 - 150mg bupropion, 19, 20 & 21.12.2023 - 150mg bupropion & 5mg buspirone, anything later - nothing.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hello, and welcome to SA.  We are a volunteer-run community of people who have been or are getting off of psychiatric drugs. I 'm very sorry for what these drugs have put you through.  I suspect that you are having withdrawal from stopping your bupropion abruptly, in addition to the prior drug trials.  Are you currently on any other drugs besides levothyroxine? 

 

It is very good that you report improvements!  As long as you stay off the drugs, you should continue to gradually improve, with ups and downs.  However, this may be a very slow process, so please be patient. 

 

Can you please give us specific information in your signature about your drug history for all drugs and supplements you are on and have been on, especially for the past 18-24 months?  Please only give us drug names, dosages, and dates, as best you can remember.  Please read the link below for instructions.  

 

How to List Your Drug History in Your Signature

 

Here is some important information about how these drugs actually work.  This explains why we get symptoms from going off of these medications.  

 

How Psychiatric Drugs Remodel Your Brain

 

 

This helps you understand what withdrawal syndrome is: 

 

Video on Recovery from Psych Drugs

 

Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

 

Here is a link with checklists of common WD symptoms: 

 

Dr Joseph Glenmullen Withdrawal Symptom Checklists

 

 

Here are some techniques to cope with symptoms: 

 

Non Drug Ways to Cope with Withdrawal Symptoms

 

Stability is really important when we are tapering off psych meds.  Please read the link about stability:

 

Keep It Simple, Slow, and Stable

 

We don't suggest many supplements, but 2 that many of us find helpful are magnesium and omega-3 fish oil. Here are the links for info about those. It is suggested to add one at a time, and start with a low dose to see how it affects you. 


Magnesium

Omega 3 Fish Oil

 

I know I've given you a lot of information.  With natural self care, and time, you will slowly recover.  Please keep us posted and let us know how you are doing.  

Edited by getofflex

Please do not private message me.  Only tag me for urgent questions about tapering and reinstating - thank you.  

 

***Please note this is not medical advice.  Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a doctor who understands psych meds and how to withdraw from them, if you can find one.

 

Lexapro   Started Apr 15 2010 - 10 mg;  started taper August 2017, recent taper info: Apr 2 '20  0.18 mg; Jul 16  0.17 mg, Aug 23  0.16 mg, Oct 7  0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13, Feb 7 - 0.12, Feb 22 - 0.11, Mar 26 - 0.10, May 21 - 0.09, June 15 - 0.08 Aug 16 - 0.07, Oct 6 - 0.06, Nov 21 0.05, Dec. 17 0.04, Jan 14 '22 0.03, Feb 19 0.02, Apr 18 0.01, May 15 0.005,  Jul 8, 0.00.  Psych Drug Free as of July 8, 2022!!  Woohoo!!!

other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg

magnesium in small amounts at 4 AM, before bed

suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, vit C, vit E, multivitamin, zinc

suppl 8 PM: magnesium 350 mg, extended release vitamin C, melatonin 2 mg

 

Paxil 2002 - 2010, switched to Lexapro 2010 

Trazodone 50 mg. 2002 - 2019, fast tapered in 2019 

Xanax 0.5 mg as needed 2002 - 2019, up to 3x weekly 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

I will warn you, that there is a chance your doctor may try to put you on more psych drugs.  Just remember, that you have a a choice of what you put in your body, and you don't have to follow her orders.  Doctors are very prone to putting people on drugs.  Trying more drugs will put you at risk of making this worse.  

Please do not private message me.  Only tag me for urgent questions about tapering and reinstating - thank you.  

 

***Please note this is not medical advice.  Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a doctor who understands psych meds and how to withdraw from them, if you can find one.

 

Lexapro   Started Apr 15 2010 - 10 mg;  started taper August 2017, recent taper info: Apr 2 '20  0.18 mg; Jul 16  0.17 mg, Aug 23  0.16 mg, Oct 7  0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13, Feb 7 - 0.12, Feb 22 - 0.11, Mar 26 - 0.10, May 21 - 0.09, June 15 - 0.08 Aug 16 - 0.07, Oct 6 - 0.06, Nov 21 0.05, Dec. 17 0.04, Jan 14 '22 0.03, Feb 19 0.02, Apr 18 0.01, May 15 0.005,  Jul 8, 0.00.  Psych Drug Free as of July 8, 2022!!  Woohoo!!!

other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg

magnesium in small amounts at 4 AM, before bed

suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, vit C, vit E, multivitamin, zinc

suppl 8 PM: magnesium 350 mg, extended release vitamin C, melatonin 2 mg

 

Paxil 2002 - 2010, switched to Lexapro 2010 

Trazodone 50 mg. 2002 - 2019, fast tapered in 2019 

Xanax 0.5 mg as needed 2002 - 2019, up to 3x weekly 

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Thank you for approving me! 

25 minutes ago, getofflex said:

your doctor may try to put you on more psych drugs

Yes, that's what I suspect. She is pretty flippant when it comes to contacting her via phone. I don't think she would know much about withdrawals or dealing with adverse reactions. She mostly just insists on taking meds and even asks my mom to ignore my side effects because I can just be too sensitive. I should have probably get better psychiatrist but I didn't want to make shifts during my disability pension application. After 5-10 minutes during visit she just stands up and follows me to the exit door and as soon as I put the money on the table she stops responding to questions. If she suggests benzodiazepines or other meds I will likely just refuse to take them. As of now I'm so scared of my body reactions that taking anything sounds like a nightmare and I can't even imagine trying that on my already seemingly overwhelmed brain.

 

34 minutes ago, getofflex said:

I suspect that you are having withdrawal from stopping your bupropion abruptly, in addition to the prior drug trials.  Are you currently on any other drugs besides levothyroxine? 

That's what I was thinking too at first, but reinstating bupropion back on 18.12 for four next days didn't really help. Quite the contrary, I had some very manic/agitated brain and was pushed into such bad time that I think I barely made it through. My heart got so weak that I couldn't stop this attack. The pain got lesser when I stopped taking bupropion back then. Besides, I was already able to stop taking bupropion in the past with no issues, even going from 300mg to 0 once. When the current state started I was already four days without bupropion and there were no issues like previous times I discontinued taking it. The symptoms strongly tracked back to serotonin (which I already seem to be tolerating badly) like hot flushes, sleep disturbances and it quite clearly started the day I took sertraline, so that's why I attributed my state to it though I may be wrong. No other drugs since 21.12 morning, no supplements nor herbs either. I never drink, smoke nor I ever used CBD, ayahuasca, psychedelics or other stuff. I wouldn't oppose getting back on bupropion but like I said, it didn't really help in december thus I stopped considering reinstating it.

 

46 minutes ago, getofflex said:

Can you please give us specific information in your signature about your drug history for all drugs and supplements you are on and have been on, especially for the past 18-24 months?

Of course! I listed that on my profile and wrongly assumed it's already in my signature, sorry. My bad. I think I fixed it now.

 

47 minutes ago, getofflex said:

We don't suggest many supplements, but 2 that many of us find helpful are magnesium and omega-3 fish oil.

I had been taking vitamin D (2000u) and magnessium(100mg)+B6(286)+zinc(150) combo in the past as my endocrynologist suggested, but now I think these are a bit too high doses for my current state. I have already seen you guys suggest fish oil and magnessium on other posts consistently, I was experiencing oversensitivity to some foods at the beginning, so I wasn't brave enough to experiment, but I will keep that in mind. Users here also sometimes mention melatonin if someone really struggles to fall asleep, but I managed to have good sleep so far (especially last two days), so I don't consider it as of now.

 

During a better day I feel almost cured, during a worse day I feel almost completely dying with way too much damage in my CNS and this exact polarization is what scares me the most. My friend said I should be good to go in around four weeks, but seeing stories on this forum I'm afraid it may take way longer than that. The progress is mostly physical, but the absolute worst I recall are these mismatched sensations that are even hard to describe. Absolute horror pushing for screaming from pain. Gotta keep this thread updated though I barely am in a good enough state to type and thinking about my condition is what stresses me the most. Overall negativity scares me now, but thinking about this exact thing brings the most dread. I'm even afraid of being alone now in case an attack like this happens. Thanks a lot for all the topics, I will check them if my head lets me.

Pretty much all meds used at the dose of one pill a day.

10.2020 sertraline (50 upped to 100mg for two months) and pregabalin (150mg for half year)

2021 mirtazapine (30mg for four months), amitryptyline (cascading dose but doctor took me off it before reaching five tablets), olanzapine (5mg), lithium (this one I reacted to terribly as well, maybe due to my Hashimoto disease)

2022 duloxetine, reboxetine, venlafaxine (all unsuccessful attemps stopped after one day with no side effects following days, only reboxetine pushed through with one box)

2023 mainly bupropion (150mg stopped after few weeks, 300mg stopped after few another weeks, 150mg stopped after few months) until IAR, buspirone (5mg) tried for 3 days

2024 dealing with immediate adverse reaction to 100mg sertraline. It happened just once on 16.12.2023. One 100mg dose in the morning. To visualize it: autumn 2023 - 150mg bupropion daily, 12.12.2023 - bupropion stopped, 16.12.2023 - 100mg sertraline, 18.12.2023 - 150mg bupropion, 19, 20 & 21.12.2023 - 150mg bupropion & 5mg buspirone, anything later - nothing.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Can you please be very specific in your drug signature, mainly for the year 2023, and 2024?  

6 hours ago, BaccatePlayer said:

reinstating bupropion back on 18.12 for four next days

Was this December 18 in 2023?  And how much was the reinstatement dose?  Please put the exact dates, and dosages, and drug names of the times you started and stopped your drugs in the recent past.  This will help us a lot to give you the correct advice.  We don't want to tell you the wrong thing, and make you worse. 

 

It sounds like you might have kindled when you tried going back on the bupropion back in December.  This is an adverse reaction that is caused by going back on a drug, and is a risk of reinstating after you have already previously started and stopped a drug.  Often, we are able to start and stop drugs abruptly at first, but eventually with the drug starts and stops, the brain becomes sensitized, and then we can no longer do this, and we have major symptoms.  

 

Kindling

 

Your signature says "2024 dealing with immediate adverse reaction to 100mg sertraline (no meds)..."   

 

Can you please put the month and days that you took the 100 mg sertraline in your signature?  This too could be from kindling.  

6 hours ago, BaccatePlayer said:

I had been taking vitamin D (2000u) and magnessium(100mg)+B6(286)+zinc(150) combo in the past as my endocrynologist suggested, but now I think these are a bit too high doses for my current state.

We suggest people start supplements at low doses, one at a time, to see how it affects them. 

 

6 hours ago, BaccatePlayer said:

During a better day I feel almost cured, during a worse day I feel almost completely dying with way too much damage in my CNS and this exact polarization is what scares me the most.

 

This is the typical windows and waves pattern of recovery.  Yes, it can be pretty scary, and disorienting.  Please try to remind yourself that this is typical for withdrawal from psych meds.  Eventually, these ups and downs will decrease.  Did you read the link I gave you about windows and waves?  

 

6 hours ago, BaccatePlayer said:

My friend said I should be good to go in around four weeks, but seeing stories on this forum I'm afraid it may take way longer than that.

You are right, it may take longer than 4 weeks.  Please try to be patient and work on learning some non drug skills for coping with your symptoms.  

 

6 hours ago, BaccatePlayer said:

thinking about my condition is what stresses me the most. Overall negativity scares me now, but thinking about this exact thing brings the most dread.

 

We strongly suggest trying not to think about it too much.  Do whatever you can to distract yourself.  Things like drawing, painting, crafts, anything you can do that is simple and easy, and will take your mind off of it.  All of us on here are going through, or have been through what you are going through.  There are many success stories.  Try reading some of those, if you can. 

 

Success Stories

 

Keep us posted on how you are doing.  Hang in there!  Sooner or later, this will get better.  

 

 

Please do not private message me.  Only tag me for urgent questions about tapering and reinstating - thank you.  

 

***Please note this is not medical advice.  Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a doctor who understands psych meds and how to withdraw from them, if you can find one.

 

Lexapro   Started Apr 15 2010 - 10 mg;  started taper August 2017, recent taper info: Apr 2 '20  0.18 mg; Jul 16  0.17 mg, Aug 23  0.16 mg, Oct 7  0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13, Feb 7 - 0.12, Feb 22 - 0.11, Mar 26 - 0.10, May 21 - 0.09, June 15 - 0.08 Aug 16 - 0.07, Oct 6 - 0.06, Nov 21 0.05, Dec. 17 0.04, Jan 14 '22 0.03, Feb 19 0.02, Apr 18 0.01, May 15 0.005,  Jul 8, 0.00.  Psych Drug Free as of July 8, 2022!!  Woohoo!!!

other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg

magnesium in small amounts at 4 AM, before bed

suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, vit C, vit E, multivitamin, zinc

suppl 8 PM: magnesium 350 mg, extended release vitamin C, melatonin 2 mg

 

Paxil 2002 - 2010, switched to Lexapro 2010 

Trazodone 50 mg. 2002 - 2019, fast tapered in 2019 

Xanax 0.5 mg as needed 2002 - 2019, up to 3x weekly 

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9 minutes ago, getofflex said:

December 18 in 2023

Yes, that's correct. As soon as I started having these reactions which was saturday I booked appointment on monday with my doctor and she said to take bupropion.

 

10 minutes ago, getofflex said:

reinstatement dose

150mg. This is the only option because these tablets aren't meant to be divided according to the box (they probably become instant release if you cut them in half or something), so I could either take 150mg or don't take it at all. The doctor also supports this way of introducing or discontinuing it (from 0 to 150 or from 150 to 0) and it never worked wrong for me.

14 minutes ago, getofflex said:

Please put the exact dates, and dosages, and drug names of the times you started and stopped your drugs in the recent past.

Alright, I'll do my best. Also gonna update if I remember any more details.

 

15 minutes ago, getofflex said:

you might have kindled

Yes, I believe so. Also immediately after taking sertraline I also had some hypersensitivity (headaches getting more intense after lifting something up) etc. 

 

17 minutes ago, getofflex said:

Can you please put the month and days that you took the 100 mg sertraline in your signature?

It happened just once on 16.12.2023. One 100mg dose in the morning. To visualize it: autumn 2023 - 150mg bupropion daily, 12.12.2023 - bupropion stopped, 16.12.2023 - 100mg sertraline, 18.12.2023 - 150mg bupropion, 19, 20 & 21.12.2023 - 150mg bupropion & 5mg buspirone, anything later - nothing.

 

One thing I can recall (if that any matters) is that when I was on quite large stack of tablets (300mg bupropion, 1,2mg vitamin B6, 40mg magnessium, 1,5mg zinc, 1000u vitamin D3 and some iodione and selenium which was from my endocrynologist's advice before I got on levothyroxine) I had a similair panic and fainting-like sensations one evening which stopped after I ditched out all these tablets the next day. Even thinking about this induces this unpleasant shock in me right now. Maybe I just had some shock due to too much tablets then.

 

27 minutes ago, getofflex said:

Did you read the link I gave you about windows and waves?

Yes, I was fairly familair with that. I can recognize these in me, but they tend to vary a lot.

 

29 minutes ago, getofflex said:

You are right, it may take longer than 4 weeks.  Please try to be patient and work on learning some non drug skills for coping with your symptoms.

I have most of the regular symptoms under control, but the ones involving the brain orientation towards movements and panic are beyond my tolerance. I can only force-sleep through them.

 

31 minutes ago, getofflex said:

We strongly suggest trying not to think about it too much.

I definitelly agree I should focus on something else. It's just too hard most of the time. If I feel good enough it's doing itself, when I'm not I'm probably way too broken to think about anything.

 

Thanks for all the tips. What you just made me think is that the whole "grip", the sensation that I developed and it didn't leave me is some panic umbrella. I feel like shocked and overloaded when it comes to brain feeling. I don't mind being ready to cry at each step or cough nervously, but this "peaking" is like I just traumatized my brain. I hope it heals completely. It may take some time, but what I'm waiting for most is for these neuro-kind-of brain reactions to go away. They're literally as if I was losing ground and falling into whole space with incredible speed and it hurts in that panicky-overwhelming kind of way. I haven't seen anyone describing it like that. I hope it's really nothing.

Pretty much all meds used at the dose of one pill a day.

10.2020 sertraline (50 upped to 100mg for two months) and pregabalin (150mg for half year)

2021 mirtazapine (30mg for four months), amitryptyline (cascading dose but doctor took me off it before reaching five tablets), olanzapine (5mg), lithium (this one I reacted to terribly as well, maybe due to my Hashimoto disease)

2022 duloxetine, reboxetine, venlafaxine (all unsuccessful attemps stopped after one day with no side effects following days, only reboxetine pushed through with one box)

2023 mainly bupropion (150mg stopped after few weeks, 300mg stopped after few another weeks, 150mg stopped after few months) until IAR, buspirone (5mg) tried for 3 days

2024 dealing with immediate adverse reaction to 100mg sertraline. It happened just once on 16.12.2023. One 100mg dose in the morning. To visualize it: autumn 2023 - 150mg bupropion daily, 12.12.2023 - bupropion stopped, 16.12.2023 - 100mg sertraline, 18.12.2023 - 150mg bupropion, 19, 20 & 21.12.2023 - 150mg bupropion & 5mg buspirone, anything later - nothing.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Can you please just copy and paste this information, and add it to your signature?  

 

39 minutes ago, BaccatePlayer said:

It happened just once on 16.12.2023. One 100mg dose in the morning. To visualize it: autumn 2023 - 150mg bupropion daily, 12.12.2023 - bupropion stopped, 16.12.2023 - 100mg sertraline, 18.12.2023 - 150mg bupropion, 19, 20 & 21.12.2023 - 150mg bupropion & 5mg buspirone, anything later - nothing.

Thank you.  That way, it will be under all your posts, and other staff can see your history at a glance.  

Please do not private message me.  Only tag me for urgent questions about tapering and reinstating - thank you.  

 

***Please note this is not medical advice.  Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a doctor who understands psych meds and how to withdraw from them, if you can find one.

 

Lexapro   Started Apr 15 2010 - 10 mg;  started taper August 2017, recent taper info: Apr 2 '20  0.18 mg; Jul 16  0.17 mg, Aug 23  0.16 mg, Oct 7  0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13, Feb 7 - 0.12, Feb 22 - 0.11, Mar 26 - 0.10, May 21 - 0.09, June 15 - 0.08 Aug 16 - 0.07, Oct 6 - 0.06, Nov 21 0.05, Dec. 17 0.04, Jan 14 '22 0.03, Feb 19 0.02, Apr 18 0.01, May 15 0.005,  Jul 8, 0.00.  Psych Drug Free as of July 8, 2022!!  Woohoo!!!

other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg

magnesium in small amounts at 4 AM, before bed

suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, vit C, vit E, multivitamin, zinc

suppl 8 PM: magnesium 350 mg, extended release vitamin C, melatonin 2 mg

 

Paxil 2002 - 2010, switched to Lexapro 2010 

Trazodone 50 mg. 2002 - 2019, fast tapered in 2019 

Xanax 0.5 mg as needed 2002 - 2019, up to 3x weekly 

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I hope my signature now is reliable. Lately struggling with memory problems and lack of focus (or the focus becomes symptomology), so I probably threw a mess of informations, unneccessarly repeating myself and omitting important data. 

 

Anyways, a little update (though I use excessive amount of words usually): yesterday was rough, the balance was not stabilized yet and I had terrible "panic temptations" because of the way thinking about how I feel myself triggering huge internal terror. Abnormal, scary, hard to explain, unreletable and no relief except time passing on resting. Had merely left bed (only to bathroom really) few times yesterday, was scared when I was alone at home, kept calling my parents urging them to get back home, but somehow distracted myself with watching ski jumping half-asleep.

 

Today I had lots of vivid dreams as usual, each time I woke up I knew I had one, but forgot them almost right away. I developed some worries about taking my levothyroxine (I usually take it at 8 and sleep around another 1.5 hour) even though I know it's harmless, I just always worry that any change, any move, eating, drinking messes with stabilization and may make me feel worse for a while. Still, took it as usual, but before I woke up somehow I got tempted to have sex which I don't want to do too often not to mess with neurotransmitters any further. I hope there will be no consequences of that.

 

As usual I watched mass live broadcast in my bed when others went to church, but I was so cold and sleepy that I was like 3/4 asleep that hour and struggled to wake up at noon. My body was eager to laugh, talk a lot and move normally which I also try to be cautious with not to overstimmulate myself and after I had dinner I decided to post this update. There were some "air clogged ears" sensations but after I had a yawning festival I seemingly stabilized.

 

Despite struggles my thinking is mostly unaltered last days. No signs of abnormal panic or pessimism, my sight "feels mine" as well. Headaches gone, stomach not tense, so I would normally relax now should I not have in mind how badly the attacks can surprise me. Seems like avoiding stimmulation, excessive movement and focusing on rest helped me survive (maybe even stopped escalation of yesterdays attack). These hugely irregular sensations really took my attention out of anything else because any other symptom seems to be gone or appearing so rarely that even during waves they're too weak for me to find them bothersome. Sounds wierd, but I'd rather have some more "known" symptoms than a set of completely alien unpleasant ones. If the head was stabilized, I'd totally feel it's all bearable and in control.

Pretty much all meds used at the dose of one pill a day.

10.2020 sertraline (50 upped to 100mg for two months) and pregabalin (150mg for half year)

2021 mirtazapine (30mg for four months), amitryptyline (cascading dose but doctor took me off it before reaching five tablets), olanzapine (5mg), lithium (this one I reacted to terribly as well, maybe due to my Hashimoto disease)

2022 duloxetine, reboxetine, venlafaxine (all unsuccessful attemps stopped after one day with no side effects following days, only reboxetine pushed through with one box)

2023 mainly bupropion (150mg stopped after few weeks, 300mg stopped after few another weeks, 150mg stopped after few months) until IAR, buspirone (5mg) tried for 3 days

2024 dealing with immediate adverse reaction to 100mg sertraline. It happened just once on 16.12.2023. One 100mg dose in the morning. To visualize it: autumn 2023 - 150mg bupropion daily, 12.12.2023 - bupropion stopped, 16.12.2023 - 100mg sertraline, 18.12.2023 - 150mg bupropion, 19, 20 & 21.12.2023 - 150mg bupropion & 5mg buspirone, anything later - nothing.

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  • Mentor

Hi BaccatePlayer.  For the panic and anxiety issues, have you tried any calming techniques like measured breathing or calming exercises like Tai Chi? These can be very effective in distracting your brain from panicky repetitive thinking and also for calming your body physically.  I also highly recommend working on coping techniques for your anxiety and panic attacks, such as CBT and ERP.  Learning ways to manage your thoughts and feelings will go a long towards freeing yourself from fear of a recurring attacks. 

Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

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1 hour ago, mstimc said:

have you tried any calming techniques like measured breathing or calming exercises like Tai Chi?

Hello! Much appreciation that you stopped by and took time to reach out to me! I've already been through CBT with my psychotraumatologist last year and I was exploring radical compassion lately.

 

With breathing it's kind of complicated in my case. Seems like the more I focus on my breath, the more nervous I get. Overall, when I get more aware of my state it works against me. I got best results from actually being less pointy, less present in the moment. Being sleepy or lost in minds (obviously not thinking about my condition) acts like some anaesthesia. Panic I think, was the result of the shock that meds did to my organism and now when I try to control my anxiety it interprets it as another threat, so I stopped and focused on flowing with it, accepting it. That's what I always feared: having to experience discomfort, but as of now it's ineviteable anyways.

 

Things that worked at least to some degree sofar are: hot bath, sleeping/napping, sometimes position change (from lying to sitting or standing or walking), but overall the days keep passing and despite I registered lots of progress already, things like this either attack me in waves and I have to endure it (I'm immune to affirmations and any relaxation during these days) or they leave me alone (even if just for a few days), so it really just have to pass. I'm impatient regarding my healing, but I also seem to be tired from all that reacting to it, manipulating my thinking and dealing with triggers. When there's a wave, everyone can be home, stroking my head - there will be no relief. At least no satisfying relief, so may as well just sleep that day through. When there's a window - I'm unlikely to be in such discomfort anyways, so I better not double check my state then not to trigger it with my overthinking. I guess I just try to get used to it since too many days I spend on waiting in hopes that next three days or week I'll be cured just to have an attack that even if was 30% better would still be unbearable.

Pretty much all meds used at the dose of one pill a day.

10.2020 sertraline (50 upped to 100mg for two months) and pregabalin (150mg for half year)

2021 mirtazapine (30mg for four months), amitryptyline (cascading dose but doctor took me off it before reaching five tablets), olanzapine (5mg), lithium (this one I reacted to terribly as well, maybe due to my Hashimoto disease)

2022 duloxetine, reboxetine, venlafaxine (all unsuccessful attemps stopped after one day with no side effects following days, only reboxetine pushed through with one box)

2023 mainly bupropion (150mg stopped after few weeks, 300mg stopped after few another weeks, 150mg stopped after few months) until IAR, buspirone (5mg) tried for 3 days

2024 dealing with immediate adverse reaction to 100mg sertraline. It happened just once on 16.12.2023. One 100mg dose in the morning. To visualize it: autumn 2023 - 150mg bupropion daily, 12.12.2023 - bupropion stopped, 16.12.2023 - 100mg sertraline, 18.12.2023 - 150mg bupropion, 19, 20 & 21.12.2023 - 150mg bupropion & 5mg buspirone, anything later - nothing.

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  • Mentor
12 minutes ago, BaccatePlayer said:

Hello! Much appreciation that you stopped by and took time to reach out to me! I've already been through CBT with my psychotraumatologist last year and I was exploring radical compassion lately.

 

With breathing it's kind of complicated in my case. Seems like the more I focus on my breath, the more nervous I get. Overall, when I get more aware of my state it works against me. I got best results from actually being less pointy, less present in the moment. Being sleepy or lost in minds (obviously not thinking about my condition) acts like some anaesthesia. Panic I think, was the result of the shock that meds did to my organism and now when I try to control my anxiety it interprets it as another threat, so I stopped and focused on flowing with it, accepting it. That's what I always feared: having to experience discomfort, but as of now it's ineviteable anyways.

 

Things that worked at least to some degree sofar are: hot bath, sleeping/napping, sometimes position change (from lying to sitting or standing or walking), but overall the days keep passing and despite I registered lots of progress already, things like this either attack me in waves and I have to endure it (I'm immune to affirmations and any relaxation during these days) or they leave me alone (even if just for a few days), so it really just have to pass. I'm impatient regarding my healing, but I also seem to be tired from all that reacting to it, manipulating my thinking and dealing with triggers. When there's a wave, everyone can be home, stroking my head - there will be no relief. At least no satisfying relief, so may as well just sleep that day through. When there's a window - I'm unlikely to be in such discomfort anyways, so I better not double check my state then not to trigger it with my overthinking. I guess I just try to get used to it since too many days I spend on waiting in hopes that next three days or week I'll be cured just to have an attack that even if was 30% better would still be unbearable.

Hi again

 

One thing you may want to do is think about the difference between coping and avoidance.  Taking yourself out of a situation through things like sleeping or avoiding things you think might be triggers can be a form of avoidance.   Ultimately, you want to be able to dive into triggering situations without an anxious response.  The fact that you're practicing acceptance is huge; accepting that the thoughts and feelings will come is the first big step in recovery.  The thoughts occur just because that happens to be how our brains are wired, so they're going to come anyway.  Its how we react that's important.  You're moving in the right direction!  

Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

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8 minutes ago, mstimc said:

coping and avoidance

I think you're right. Sorry, I was a bit dry and resigned back in a while. Before this week I used to avoid sleeping during daytime and go to town with my parents, but it turned out to be rather straineous in the following days. I probably need more rest than I thought and I'm trying to make up for it now. One time when I was helping with moving old furnace I got severe anxious reaction and that panic attack weakened me a lot creating a wave full of derealization and very bad two weeks with just two days of window in the middle. What I usually do when I know it's getting worse is telling myself that it will pass and doesn't reflect my true thinking because that's what withdrawal/AR does to my brain. Quick, unemotional statement as if I was sure this is a solid shortcut for my brain not to identify my ego with my current state too much. I have natural tendency to be worry-anxious-ball (ISTJ 6w5), so thoughts like "there is a way to reframe it" or "you will find a way to deal with regardless" come slower to me, but I do keep sticknotes in my room and try to be open for learning new tactics. Thanks a lot kindhearted soul!

Pretty much all meds used at the dose of one pill a day.

10.2020 sertraline (50 upped to 100mg for two months) and pregabalin (150mg for half year)

2021 mirtazapine (30mg for four months), amitryptyline (cascading dose but doctor took me off it before reaching five tablets), olanzapine (5mg), lithium (this one I reacted to terribly as well, maybe due to my Hashimoto disease)

2022 duloxetine, reboxetine, venlafaxine (all unsuccessful attemps stopped after one day with no side effects following days, only reboxetine pushed through with one box)

2023 mainly bupropion (150mg stopped after few weeks, 300mg stopped after few another weeks, 150mg stopped after few months) until IAR, buspirone (5mg) tried for 3 days

2024 dealing with immediate adverse reaction to 100mg sertraline. It happened just once on 16.12.2023. One 100mg dose in the morning. To visualize it: autumn 2023 - 150mg bupropion daily, 12.12.2023 - bupropion stopped, 16.12.2023 - 100mg sertraline, 18.12.2023 - 150mg bupropion, 19, 20 & 21.12.2023 - 150mg bupropion & 5mg buspirone, anything later - nothing.

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  • Moderator Emeritus
6 hours ago, BaccatePlayer said:

I hope my signature now is reliable.

Yes, this is helps, thank you.  

 

6 hours ago, BaccatePlayer said:

Seems like avoiding stimmulation, excessive movement and focusing on rest helped me survive (maybe even stopped escalation of yesterdays attack).

This is good! It sounds like you have a lot of good non drug coping techniques.  

 

3 hours ago, BaccatePlayer said:

when I try to control my anxiety it interprets it as another threat, so I stopped and focused on flowing with it, accepting it.

This is a very good insight.  You would really enjoy Claire Weeks, she teaches people this very method for coping with anxiety.  When we try to control it, we add secondary anxiety, and it spirals out of control.  

 

 

Please do not private message me.  Only tag me for urgent questions about tapering and reinstating - thank you.  

 

***Please note this is not medical advice.  Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a doctor who understands psych meds and how to withdraw from them, if you can find one.

 

Lexapro   Started Apr 15 2010 - 10 mg;  started taper August 2017, recent taper info: Apr 2 '20  0.18 mg; Jul 16  0.17 mg, Aug 23  0.16 mg, Oct 7  0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13, Feb 7 - 0.12, Feb 22 - 0.11, Mar 26 - 0.10, May 21 - 0.09, June 15 - 0.08 Aug 16 - 0.07, Oct 6 - 0.06, Nov 21 0.05, Dec. 17 0.04, Jan 14 '22 0.03, Feb 19 0.02, Apr 18 0.01, May 15 0.005,  Jul 8, 0.00.  Psych Drug Free as of July 8, 2022!!  Woohoo!!!

other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg

magnesium in small amounts at 4 AM, before bed

suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, vit C, vit E, multivitamin, zinc

suppl 8 PM: magnesium 350 mg, extended release vitamin C, melatonin 2 mg

 

Paxil 2002 - 2010, switched to Lexapro 2010 

Trazodone 50 mg. 2002 - 2019, fast tapered in 2019 

Xanax 0.5 mg as needed 2002 - 2019, up to 3x weekly 

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20 hours ago, getofflex said:

Claire Weeks

Yes, seems like a good compromise when I leave anxiety to be dealt with by my body naturally, adjusting itself in its own pace and way while I don't burden myself with reacting to it too neurotically.

 

You guys provide a lot of support, thank you! I feel like a child learning to live with my body again, but since I have to live my journey anyways, I can as well use available help.

 

Seems like there was no wave this month yet meaning it's a record of 5 waveless days that still keep going. I was able to stay home alone 3 hours today without panicking (that's the sort of worry agoraphobics usually have: to have an attack in the wrong place or wrong time when there's no one trusted nearby or/and when there are strangers like postman or distant neighbour) and despite having several shaky moments (feeling like going to faint, some paranoid thoughts that my family had an accident as there is very windy here where I live on the mountain) I was able to keep composure.

 

High likehood that my vertigo and unpleasant sensations are actually mental agitation and anxiety in disguise. There is a certain way of thinking and focusing that activates a very disturbing feeling of self. Feeling that something is broken in my nervous system. Seems like it's all wired and even though it's hard to believe that when I feel it, it may just be a result of panic and some manic nervousness. Hopefully then with more healing my experience of fear, worry or some arousal restores. As for now, I should probably just avoid pushing that button. Destressing myself and omitting that subject will be optimal for now I guess since I won't solve that issue by invoking it.

Pretty much all meds used at the dose of one pill a day.

10.2020 sertraline (50 upped to 100mg for two months) and pregabalin (150mg for half year)

2021 mirtazapine (30mg for four months), amitryptyline (cascading dose but doctor took me off it before reaching five tablets), olanzapine (5mg), lithium (this one I reacted to terribly as well, maybe due to my Hashimoto disease)

2022 duloxetine, reboxetine, venlafaxine (all unsuccessful attemps stopped after one day with no side effects following days, only reboxetine pushed through with one box)

2023 mainly bupropion (150mg stopped after few weeks, 300mg stopped after few another weeks, 150mg stopped after few months) until IAR, buspirone (5mg) tried for 3 days

2024 dealing with immediate adverse reaction to 100mg sertraline. It happened just once on 16.12.2023. One 100mg dose in the morning. To visualize it: autumn 2023 - 150mg bupropion daily, 12.12.2023 - bupropion stopped, 16.12.2023 - 100mg sertraline, 18.12.2023 - 150mg bupropion, 19, 20 & 21.12.2023 - 150mg bupropion & 5mg buspirone, anything later - nothing.

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Had some momentary issues with swallowing today. Felt like I'm gonna faint at times. Weak hands, tinnitus... Left side of my face developed quite a bit of struggle at once: mouth ulcer that has a great range of sensation, lightly pulled neck muscle and some acne-like sore spots on my ear and nose. I was oddly frustrated in the evening too. Can't remember being annoyed last time... My grandfather just died. I don't think my CNS is ready for attending funeral yet. I really don't mind stable symptoms, but each day there's a mystery. If something destabilizing appears, I'm at bigger risk of panicking. Then again, I can't walk on shells all day...

Pretty much all meds used at the dose of one pill a day.

10.2020 sertraline (50 upped to 100mg for two months) and pregabalin (150mg for half year)

2021 mirtazapine (30mg for four months), amitryptyline (cascading dose but doctor took me off it before reaching five tablets), olanzapine (5mg), lithium (this one I reacted to terribly as well, maybe due to my Hashimoto disease)

2022 duloxetine, reboxetine, venlafaxine (all unsuccessful attemps stopped after one day with no side effects following days, only reboxetine pushed through with one box)

2023 mainly bupropion (150mg stopped after few weeks, 300mg stopped after few another weeks, 150mg stopped after few months) until IAR, buspirone (5mg) tried for 3 days

2024 dealing with immediate adverse reaction to 100mg sertraline. It happened just once on 16.12.2023. One 100mg dose in the morning. To visualize it: autumn 2023 - 150mg bupropion daily, 12.12.2023 - bupropion stopped, 16.12.2023 - 100mg sertraline, 18.12.2023 - 150mg bupropion, 19, 20 & 21.12.2023 - 150mg bupropion & 5mg buspirone, anything later - nothing.

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  • Moderator Emeritus
32 minutes ago, BaccatePlayer said:

My grandfather just died. I don't think my CNS is ready for attending funeral yet.

I'm sorry to hear this.  I hope you can give yourself permission to skip going to his funeral.  Hopefully your family will understand. 

Please do not private message me.  Only tag me for urgent questions about tapering and reinstating - thank you.  

 

***Please note this is not medical advice.  Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a doctor who understands psych meds and how to withdraw from them, if you can find one.

 

Lexapro   Started Apr 15 2010 - 10 mg;  started taper August 2017, recent taper info: Apr 2 '20  0.18 mg; Jul 16  0.17 mg, Aug 23  0.16 mg, Oct 7  0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13, Feb 7 - 0.12, Feb 22 - 0.11, Mar 26 - 0.10, May 21 - 0.09, June 15 - 0.08 Aug 16 - 0.07, Oct 6 - 0.06, Nov 21 0.05, Dec. 17 0.04, Jan 14 '22 0.03, Feb 19 0.02, Apr 18 0.01, May 15 0.005,  Jul 8, 0.00.  Psych Drug Free as of July 8, 2022!!  Woohoo!!!

other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg

magnesium in small amounts at 4 AM, before bed

suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, vit C, vit E, multivitamin, zinc

suppl 8 PM: magnesium 350 mg, extended release vitamin C, melatonin 2 mg

 

Paxil 2002 - 2010, switched to Lexapro 2010 

Trazodone 50 mg. 2002 - 2019, fast tapered in 2019 

Xanax 0.5 mg as needed 2002 - 2019, up to 3x weekly 

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  • Mentor
5 hours ago, BaccatePlayer said:

Seems like it's all wired and even though it's hard to believe that when I feel it, it may just be a result of panic and some manic nervousness. Hopefully then with more healing my experience of fear, worry or some arousal restores. As for now, I should probably just avoid pushing that button. Destressing myself and omitting that subject will be optimal for now I guess since I won't solve that issue by invoking it.

 

31 minutes ago, BaccatePlayer said:

I really don't mind stable symptoms, but each day there's a mystery. If something destabilizing appears, I'm at bigger risk of panicking. Then again, I can't walk on shells all day.

 

 

Baccate, I am so sorry to hear about your grandfather.  Please accept my condolences. Your family should understand if you can't go to the funeral. 

 

it sounds like you are realizing avoidance isn't the answer to your anxiety.  The more you avoid, the more your world will close in.  You need to be willing to challenge yourself a little and appreciate the strength you have within yourself. 

Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

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12 hours ago, getofflex said:

I'm sorry to hear this.  I hope you can give yourself permission to skip going to his funeral.  Hopefully your family will understand. 

I really appreciate your concerns. This is on all planes a very lose-lose situation because attending funeral is obviously taxing, yet staying home (most likely alone) knowing what happened also makes for a lot of stress. Luckily I learnt about my granddad's death during a "non-wave" day and managed to avoid crying or getting nervous too much. If he was still alive he'd most likely still be in pharmacological coma (old age + broken hip + tuberculosis+ stomach cancer) and my parents would keep visiting him at hospital knowing he won't recover, so the circumstances would not be very helpful for my condition anyways.

 

I'm glad I managed to say I love him one last time two weeks ago which was a visit in his home when he was still conscious. Maybe it's good I left house that day despite suffering a wave later.

 

The night was difficult. I have fallen asleep after 4 and slept to 10. I was in a state that was completely unsupportive towards falling asleep but at least I was lying in bed with eyes closed.

 

Sadly I'm afraid I won't be permitted to skip funeral and even more than that, since I live in a very small village in southern Poland, there's a culture of attending rosemaries for a few days that last quite long with various songs and prayers for the dead one before he gets burried. It's for the whole family and most neighbours, so it'd be very obvious if I was missing there. My mom, who is the most open-minded of my closest people (largely because my personality disorder and its treatment forced her to be less conservative) framed it in a way that doesn't even consider me staying home then, so I probably need to accept that.

Pretty much all meds used at the dose of one pill a day.

10.2020 sertraline (50 upped to 100mg for two months) and pregabalin (150mg for half year)

2021 mirtazapine (30mg for four months), amitryptyline (cascading dose but doctor took me off it before reaching five tablets), olanzapine (5mg), lithium (this one I reacted to terribly as well, maybe due to my Hashimoto disease)

2022 duloxetine, reboxetine, venlafaxine (all unsuccessful attemps stopped after one day with no side effects following days, only reboxetine pushed through with one box)

2023 mainly bupropion (150mg stopped after few weeks, 300mg stopped after few another weeks, 150mg stopped after few months) until IAR, buspirone (5mg) tried for 3 days

2024 dealing with immediate adverse reaction to 100mg sertraline. It happened just once on 16.12.2023. One 100mg dose in the morning. To visualize it: autumn 2023 - 150mg bupropion daily, 12.12.2023 - bupropion stopped, 16.12.2023 - 100mg sertraline, 18.12.2023 - 150mg bupropion, 19, 20 & 21.12.2023 - 150mg bupropion & 5mg buspirone, anything later - nothing.

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12 hours ago, mstimc said:

Baccate, I am so sorry to hear about your grandfather.  Please accept my condolences. Your family should understand if you can't go to the funeral. 

Thank you, mstimc. This is very problematic, I think not going seems out of the question for my family and I even suspect there will be people who would blame me if I go and don't cry profoundly there or act like I try to distant myself, staying behind etc. My parents are incredibly fixated on enduring as much as possible when they view something as mandatory (which I in many cases see things as more optional especially if they are just social concepts) and they would only go to the doctor or complain if they were really unable to stand something anymore and continue through. That's why, when they see me being able to walk, talk, eat and sleep, I'm at loss in convincing them it might be harmful idea. Even after they dragged me to shop or to visit family and saw terrible waves that sometimes lasted up to 5 days later on, they didn't believe me borrowing compensation from my CNS one day makes the next ones worse as I pay the taxes in compound. There were days when I begged for ambulance and couldn't even get up and they just insisted I should toughen up, get on with my life and stop being hysterical.

 

13 hours ago, mstimc said:

it sounds like you are realizing avoidance isn't the answer to your anxiety.  The more you avoid, the more your world will close in.  You need to be willing to challenge yourself a little and appreciate the strength you have within yourself.

My policy is that triggers are to be avoided, but emotions should be dealt with before they deal with me. When I sense I have some strength left and won't annihilate my CNS by approaching problems, I look for solutions. Last week I was afraid each evening that the next day will give me a wave that I remember was unbearable. Mini PTSD, but then I thought, I am heading recovery and sleeping at night with fighting during days is the only way to get there. Obviously better than being stuck at current state. If I survived up to now and things are only getting better, I can definitelly face the future. Maybe my mind still resists that to some degree, but I keep telling myself I already am just enough and ready to keep going through whatever this AR/WD throws at me.

Pretty much all meds used at the dose of one pill a day.

10.2020 sertraline (50 upped to 100mg for two months) and pregabalin (150mg for half year)

2021 mirtazapine (30mg for four months), amitryptyline (cascading dose but doctor took me off it before reaching five tablets), olanzapine (5mg), lithium (this one I reacted to terribly as well, maybe due to my Hashimoto disease)

2022 duloxetine, reboxetine, venlafaxine (all unsuccessful attemps stopped after one day with no side effects following days, only reboxetine pushed through with one box)

2023 mainly bupropion (150mg stopped after few weeks, 300mg stopped after few another weeks, 150mg stopped after few months) until IAR, buspirone (5mg) tried for 3 days

2024 dealing with immediate adverse reaction to 100mg sertraline. It happened just once on 16.12.2023. One 100mg dose in the morning. To visualize it: autumn 2023 - 150mg bupropion daily, 12.12.2023 - bupropion stopped, 16.12.2023 - 100mg sertraline, 18.12.2023 - 150mg bupropion, 19, 20 & 21.12.2023 - 150mg bupropion & 5mg buspirone, anything later - nothing.

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  • Mentor
2 hours ago, BaccatePlayer said:

If I survived up to now and things are only getting better, I can definitelly face the future. Maybe my mind still resists that to some degree, but I keep telling myself I already am just enough and ready to keep going through whatever this AR/WD throws at me.

Great attitude, Baccate!  Remember, we are always here to help you get through this!

Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

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21 hours ago, mstimc said:

Remember, we are always here to help you get through this!

Thanks! This is especially helpful because thoughts like "I'll never recover" appear frequently recently. I had to go to cementary yesterday and felt very shaky afterwards. It lasted longer than I agreed to, yet my mom just keep scolding me for giving up today. All my parents see is that I stay isolated, don't go out and say that this isn't what life is about and that I don't put effort scaring me with how bad doctors, hospitals and wards are asking if that's what I'd like instead. Bad weather today, I feel overstimmulated, headaches returned and I feel tempted to panic or scream from suffering again... I really want to know when I'll be good again, but nobody can tell and despite things getting better this is still not enough for feeling safe. I managed to avoid going to cementary today, but tommorow I will have to attend funeral and meeting at my mom's family house. I really feel abused when someone praises me for getting through something that's beyond me.

 

This has always been the case. My dad kept forcing me to go for driving licence exams in the past. Over 20 attempts and I knew I'm not even in a state to focus because that was beyond my tolerance then. But they got what they wanted and I was left knowing that my boundaries don't exist because there's always either social status or some other more important factors than my theresehold. I wish it just healed, at least enough for me not to be a burden to my family.

 

My mom is already set on believing I deliberately focus on my condition and panic whenever I have something to do. Thing is, I just feel some impending doom when in restricted area, when others focus on something completely ignoring me. There is some still broken sense of panic but I felt like fainting today despite not being consciously nervous. If I'm left to deal with it next month... two... three? I really don't know how am I going to make it. Just when I thought I managed to control it, it seems I was just distracted and kept lying on my bed. Probably not good indicator of "getting better"...

Pretty much all meds used at the dose of one pill a day.

10.2020 sertraline (50 upped to 100mg for two months) and pregabalin (150mg for half year)

2021 mirtazapine (30mg for four months), amitryptyline (cascading dose but doctor took me off it before reaching five tablets), olanzapine (5mg), lithium (this one I reacted to terribly as well, maybe due to my Hashimoto disease)

2022 duloxetine, reboxetine, venlafaxine (all unsuccessful attemps stopped after one day with no side effects following days, only reboxetine pushed through with one box)

2023 mainly bupropion (150mg stopped after few weeks, 300mg stopped after few another weeks, 150mg stopped after few months) until IAR, buspirone (5mg) tried for 3 days

2024 dealing with immediate adverse reaction to 100mg sertraline. It happened just once on 16.12.2023. One 100mg dose in the morning. To visualize it: autumn 2023 - 150mg bupropion daily, 12.12.2023 - bupropion stopped, 16.12.2023 - 100mg sertraline, 18.12.2023 - 150mg bupropion, 19, 20 & 21.12.2023 - 150mg bupropion & 5mg buspirone, anything later - nothing.

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  • Mentor
2 hours ago, BaccatePlayer said:

My mom is already set on believing I deliberately focus on my condition and panic whenever I have something to do. Thing is, I just feel some impending doom when in restricted area, when others focus on something completely ignoring me.

Hi Baccate

 

Others thinking part of anxiety is deliberate is actually pretty common.  Since they can't understand why you'd feel anxious in a certain situation, they can't help but believe you're doing it on purpose to avoid those situations.  They can't understand its a matter of brain wiring and its not deliberate.  

 

Also, impending doom is a very common feeling, for the same reason.  Your brain is sending flight or fight messages to your body, even though there is no threat.  Then your rational brain starts looking for a reason for the feeling--this is called "scanning" -- searching for a cause when there isn't one.  And that just makes anxiety worse. Anticipatory anxiety is very debilitating because your telling yourself stories about what might happen, with no basis in what the reality is.  This is when acceptance is important--"I'm feeling anxious but its just a feeling.  I don't need to give it any more thought and it will fade." Its tough because you want to find a cause, but if you can practice it, it'll get easier. 

Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Baccate, try reading these links.  I think it may help you. 

 

Techniques for Managing Withdrawal

 

How Long is Withdrawal Going to Take, Factors Affecting Withdrawal

Please do not private message me.  Only tag me for urgent questions about tapering and reinstating - thank you.  

 

***Please note this is not medical advice.  Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a doctor who understands psych meds and how to withdraw from them, if you can find one.

 

Lexapro   Started Apr 15 2010 - 10 mg;  started taper August 2017, recent taper info: Apr 2 '20  0.18 mg; Jul 16  0.17 mg, Aug 23  0.16 mg, Oct 7  0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13, Feb 7 - 0.12, Feb 22 - 0.11, Mar 26 - 0.10, May 21 - 0.09, June 15 - 0.08 Aug 16 - 0.07, Oct 6 - 0.06, Nov 21 0.05, Dec. 17 0.04, Jan 14 '22 0.03, Feb 19 0.02, Apr 18 0.01, May 15 0.005,  Jul 8, 0.00.  Psych Drug Free as of July 8, 2022!!  Woohoo!!!

other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg

magnesium in small amounts at 4 AM, before bed

suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, vit C, vit E, multivitamin, zinc

suppl 8 PM: magnesium 350 mg, extended release vitamin C, melatonin 2 mg

 

Paxil 2002 - 2010, switched to Lexapro 2010 

Trazodone 50 mg. 2002 - 2019, fast tapered in 2019 

Xanax 0.5 mg as needed 2002 - 2019, up to 3x weekly 

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1 hour ago, mstimc said:

This is when acceptance is important--"I'm feeling anxious but its just a feeling.  I don't need to give it any more thought and it will fade." Its tough because you want to find a cause, but if you can practice it, it'll get easier. 

Thank you so much, mstimc! You're being massive help here. I think I missed the chance to realize that what I had been through up to this afternoon was probably a wave. At least I think so. Right now, I feel more stable, I can stand up and even though I feel worrying signals, my body somehow deals with them, so that they don't bother me. I got headaches out of nowhere for that time, my mind was stuck at trying to hone my symptoms unsuccessfully, I was feeling like I'm about to faint with my sight becoming too bright at random moments, also having doubts regarding recovery and complaining to others and there was a sense of not being able to handle panic and anxiety. Overall a larger discomfort and overwhelmed head-stomach path (all these vertigo, nausea, headache and related sensations), so I'm happy my sense of balance got better since yesterday standing and sitting prompted quasi-panic-temptations. I even developed a very leaned forward position because that destabilized feeling was too overwhelming.

 

If that's the case then maybe there will be no wave tommorow and I will be able to survive funeral and meeting with no suffering like that. I think my rational thinking will confidently deal with grief (though they're gonna use trumpets and songs at cementary to make everyone cry, but I managed to resist that on my aunt's funeral once) and you're very right about my rational side trying to control every bit of situation to feel safer, I have OCPD traits diagnosed too.

 

It's obviously never pleasant to feel coldness or antagonism from my parents, but I understand it can't be easy for them either. They have funeral and withdrawing/suffering bad reaction son at once with terrible weather and their own issues (they both have Hashimoto disease like me), so I try to tell myself that their reactions are also emotional, at least partially. Sure, I need a barber, I know I've been stuck at home for almost 8 weeks now, but my haircut is not life-threatening and I need to prioritize my rest now. They're sick of my explanations, but I see from posts here that I'm not alone with that. Currently my CNS is not a muscle that you just need to train to make it stand more weight, but rather a broken bone that tries to heal itself and any pressure only damages it more.

 

Still, if that was a wave, then although highly unpleasant, I'd say is a very promising sign. Assuming waves would only get less intense from now on, I'm pretty confident they would fall under "reasonably bearable" category. Unless it wasn't a wave and something more serious is yet to come, but I really see a good progress since the first month of that reaction. The first month was a huge torture with brain probably fighting hypersensitivity to food, drinks and temperature first, but now things look much more "healed".

 

Looking back at what I was thinking this morning and yesterday, it feels biased. Had I realized it may be a wave, I would have just sleep it through knowing it will pass and that my thinking was just altered by pronness to stress in this state. I feel much more accepting now knowing that in the larger scale, I progressed and even managed to attend rosemary during such vulnerable state yesterday. My hands are no longer numb, so I can type some more sticky notes with affirmations. My hope for recovery got largely restored.

Pretty much all meds used at the dose of one pill a day.

10.2020 sertraline (50 upped to 100mg for two months) and pregabalin (150mg for half year)

2021 mirtazapine (30mg for four months), amitryptyline (cascading dose but doctor took me off it before reaching five tablets), olanzapine (5mg), lithium (this one I reacted to terribly as well, maybe due to my Hashimoto disease)

2022 duloxetine, reboxetine, venlafaxine (all unsuccessful attemps stopped after one day with no side effects following days, only reboxetine pushed through with one box)

2023 mainly bupropion (150mg stopped after few weeks, 300mg stopped after few another weeks, 150mg stopped after few months) until IAR, buspirone (5mg) tried for 3 days

2024 dealing with immediate adverse reaction to 100mg sertraline. It happened just once on 16.12.2023. One 100mg dose in the morning. To visualize it: autumn 2023 - 150mg bupropion daily, 12.12.2023 - bupropion stopped, 16.12.2023 - 100mg sertraline, 18.12.2023 - 150mg bupropion, 19, 20 & 21.12.2023 - 150mg bupropion & 5mg buspirone, anything later - nothing.

Link to comment
1 hour ago, getofflex said:

Hi Baccate, try reading these links.  I think it may help you.

Thank you! I already saw them during some more desperate days in January, I think and what I got from it is pretty consistent. Obviously no one is able to tell when my condition will improve precisely, but it's expected in most cases to think about a few months. That's brutal, but I got used to that information some time ago and at first it was incredibly panic inducing, now I accept it since I already am close to 2 months meaning that this is at least realistically imaginable and of course significant progress has been made during that time. What plays to my favor is that I don't drink, smoke, never used things like CBD, psychedelics, ayahuasca, had immediate reaction to just one drug (if bupropion also has something to say here, then well, at least it was the lowest dose I could be taking anyways), am just 25 years old, am eating healthy and stay away from stress or drugs successfully taking care of myself. Surrounding myself with supportive people and using strategies to deal with symptoms is all I can do, so I'm "in good hands". Optimal conditions for healing. Naturally I don't believe this will make my state fade instantly, but these factors surely add up to support my recovery to some degree.

 

These techniques are largely based on mindset and I made good progress here as well. Sticky notes and telling my closest people to remind me that it will fade, it's not real me thinking, it's just that reaction and I'm slowly more capable of handling some symptoms. I can control it better and assuming I had been in a wave yesterday that was (probably sounds funny from outside POV) still better reaction than last time. I just have a tense situation now, but it improves. What goes in my way is that my parents expect me to improve faster and despite me asserting my boundaries, it still plays on my guilt feelings for quite a while until I get their approval again. This is part of my phobic 6w5 struggle and I likely won't solve it without more compound approach which may not be too appropriate time for now.

Pretty much all meds used at the dose of one pill a day.

10.2020 sertraline (50 upped to 100mg for two months) and pregabalin (150mg for half year)

2021 mirtazapine (30mg for four months), amitryptyline (cascading dose but doctor took me off it before reaching five tablets), olanzapine (5mg), lithium (this one I reacted to terribly as well, maybe due to my Hashimoto disease)

2022 duloxetine, reboxetine, venlafaxine (all unsuccessful attemps stopped after one day with no side effects following days, only reboxetine pushed through with one box)

2023 mainly bupropion (150mg stopped after few weeks, 300mg stopped after few another weeks, 150mg stopped after few months) until IAR, buspirone (5mg) tried for 3 days

2024 dealing with immediate adverse reaction to 100mg sertraline. It happened just once on 16.12.2023. One 100mg dose in the morning. To visualize it: autumn 2023 - 150mg bupropion daily, 12.12.2023 - bupropion stopped, 16.12.2023 - 100mg sertraline, 18.12.2023 - 150mg bupropion, 19, 20 & 21.12.2023 - 150mg bupropion & 5mg buspirone, anything later - nothing.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

I'm very glad to hear that you have seen improvement.  It sounds like you have a good attitude, and are taking good care of yourself.  I'm sorry your parents are not supportive.  Would they be open to reading any information on this site to become more educated about this? 

 

Helping Family Understand

Please do not private message me.  Only tag me for urgent questions about tapering and reinstating - thank you.  

 

***Please note this is not medical advice.  Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a doctor who understands psych meds and how to withdraw from them, if you can find one.

 

Lexapro   Started Apr 15 2010 - 10 mg;  started taper August 2017, recent taper info: Apr 2 '20  0.18 mg; Jul 16  0.17 mg, Aug 23  0.16 mg, Oct 7  0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13, Feb 7 - 0.12, Feb 22 - 0.11, Mar 26 - 0.10, May 21 - 0.09, June 15 - 0.08 Aug 16 - 0.07, Oct 6 - 0.06, Nov 21 0.05, Dec. 17 0.04, Jan 14 '22 0.03, Feb 19 0.02, Apr 18 0.01, May 15 0.005,  Jul 8, 0.00.  Psych Drug Free as of July 8, 2022!!  Woohoo!!!

other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg

magnesium in small amounts at 4 AM, before bed

suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, vit C, vit E, multivitamin, zinc

suppl 8 PM: magnesium 350 mg, extended release vitamin C, melatonin 2 mg

 

Paxil 2002 - 2010, switched to Lexapro 2010 

Trazodone 50 mg. 2002 - 2019, fast tapered in 2019 

Xanax 0.5 mg as needed 2002 - 2019, up to 3x weekly 

Link to comment
18 hours ago, getofflex said:

I'm very glad to hear that you have seen improvement.  It sounds like you have a good attitude, and are taking good care of yourself.  I'm sorry your parents are not supportive.  Would they be open to reading any information on this site to become more educated about this? 

I think I just need to distant myself. My dad had an arguement with me this morning and said I'm lacking discipline and he'll give me work that will solve all my issues. Probably best to seek understanding elsewhere. I have appointment with my psychiatrist on monday, but whatever she decides I won't be taking any meds for now. After the wave stopped my condition improved drastically. I still have some mild headaches and when I start thinking about my condition I feel weakness (like about to collapse) and some sight-focus problems, but I managed to stay upright and survived many hours on funeral. I didn't want that but there's only so much I can resist. There was soda and ice creams on today's meeting and I feel overloaded. The mountain of challenges just keeps getting bigger and I feel bad about it not being under my control. Thanks again for support!

Pretty much all meds used at the dose of one pill a day.

10.2020 sertraline (50 upped to 100mg for two months) and pregabalin (150mg for half year)

2021 mirtazapine (30mg for four months), amitryptyline (cascading dose but doctor took me off it before reaching five tablets), olanzapine (5mg), lithium (this one I reacted to terribly as well, maybe due to my Hashimoto disease)

2022 duloxetine, reboxetine, venlafaxine (all unsuccessful attemps stopped after one day with no side effects following days, only reboxetine pushed through with one box)

2023 mainly bupropion (150mg stopped after few weeks, 300mg stopped after few another weeks, 150mg stopped after few months) until IAR, buspirone (5mg) tried for 3 days

2024 dealing with immediate adverse reaction to 100mg sertraline. It happened just once on 16.12.2023. One 100mg dose in the morning. To visualize it: autumn 2023 - 150mg bupropion daily, 12.12.2023 - bupropion stopped, 16.12.2023 - 100mg sertraline, 18.12.2023 - 150mg bupropion, 19, 20 & 21.12.2023 - 150mg bupropion & 5mg buspirone, anything later - nothing.

Link to comment

Another horrible time. I woke up with stronger headaches, but they were gone before noon. Later when I was on a walk I started having a huge turmoil inside, like my body was totally confused and didn't know what happens. There were a few thoughts of panic, but I don't feel too panicky, just that I'm stuck in very unpleasant state. I feel some hypersexuality last two days too. My memory got worse, I forget thoughts I'm having. Something very alien is going on, I feel disconnected to the real world, the situations I'm in and I fell into the state where I cling to my parents, worry about the size of the world crushing me and this is all very illogical and these sensations are just clearly improper work by my brain. Will this pass? Will I be free from that? I knew I probably overdid stimmulation yesterday and was maybe too quick to feel "normal", but this condition is terrifying now and calming myself down or reframing thoughts doesn't work. I probably need to avoid these thoughts for now because they're "broken". Will it really heal? Is this a wave? I hit 8 weeks today by the way.

Pretty much all meds used at the dose of one pill a day.

10.2020 sertraline (50 upped to 100mg for two months) and pregabalin (150mg for half year)

2021 mirtazapine (30mg for four months), amitryptyline (cascading dose but doctor took me off it before reaching five tablets), olanzapine (5mg), lithium (this one I reacted to terribly as well, maybe due to my Hashimoto disease)

2022 duloxetine, reboxetine, venlafaxine (all unsuccessful attemps stopped after one day with no side effects following days, only reboxetine pushed through with one box)

2023 mainly bupropion (150mg stopped after few weeks, 300mg stopped after few another weeks, 150mg stopped after few months) until IAR, buspirone (5mg) tried for 3 days

2024 dealing with immediate adverse reaction to 100mg sertraline. It happened just once on 16.12.2023. One 100mg dose in the morning. To visualize it: autumn 2023 - 150mg bupropion daily, 12.12.2023 - bupropion stopped, 16.12.2023 - 100mg sertraline, 18.12.2023 - 150mg bupropion, 19, 20 & 21.12.2023 - 150mg bupropion & 5mg buspirone, anything later - nothing.

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  • Moderator Emeritus
25 minutes ago, BaccatePlayer said:

Something very alien is going on, I feel disconnected to the real world,

This sounds like derealization/depersonalization.  Very common withdrawal symptom, which will eventually go away. 

 

DP/DR

 

Take a look at the link I gave you in my first post - the Glenmullen withdrawal symptoms checklist, and this will reassure you that this is typical withdrawal.  Please use the site search to research your symptoms, and how to cope with them. 

 

How to Do a Site Search

 

25 minutes ago, BaccatePlayer said:

this condition is terrifying now and calming myself down or reframing thoughts doesn't work. I probably need to avoid these thoughts for now because they're "broken". Will it really heal? Is this a wave? I hit 8 weeks today by the way.

Yes, this is pretty scary stuff, but please be reassured that it will go away eventually.  It takes months, and with some, it can take years.  However, it should gradually improve over the months, so you won't be in acute withdrawal throughout your recovery.  Many of us are terrified that we will always be like this.  That is our withdrawal brain speaking to us, and it's a lie.  Please read this link, it will really help.  

 

Techniques for Managing Withdrawal

Edited by getofflex

Please do not private message me.  Only tag me for urgent questions about tapering and reinstating - thank you.  

 

***Please note this is not medical advice.  Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a doctor who understands psych meds and how to withdraw from them, if you can find one.

 

Lexapro   Started Apr 15 2010 - 10 mg;  started taper August 2017, recent taper info: Apr 2 '20  0.18 mg; Jul 16  0.17 mg, Aug 23  0.16 mg, Oct 7  0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13, Feb 7 - 0.12, Feb 22 - 0.11, Mar 26 - 0.10, May 21 - 0.09, June 15 - 0.08 Aug 16 - 0.07, Oct 6 - 0.06, Nov 21 0.05, Dec. 17 0.04, Jan 14 '22 0.03, Feb 19 0.02, Apr 18 0.01, May 15 0.005,  Jul 8, 0.00.  Psych Drug Free as of July 8, 2022!!  Woohoo!!!

other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg

magnesium in small amounts at 4 AM, before bed

suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, vit C, vit E, multivitamin, zinc

suppl 8 PM: magnesium 350 mg, extended release vitamin C, melatonin 2 mg

 

Paxil 2002 - 2010, switched to Lexapro 2010 

Trazodone 50 mg. 2002 - 2019, fast tapered in 2019 

Xanax 0.5 mg as needed 2002 - 2019, up to 3x weekly 

Link to comment
1 hour ago, getofflex said:

derealization/depersonalization

That's what I thought. When acompannied by fainting-like feeling and some unsatisfyable urge to reassure that you are yourself (I flexed my leg muscles, talked to others, gave hugs but still felt alien. I already experienced that some time ago and was terryfied too. Luckily it didn't last that long this time. When I took a nap my thinking eased out a bit, but there was still some shakiness. I talked to my friend and got an idea to try to get over it faster than usual to redirect my brain onto distraction cause otherwise I might have got stuck in anticipating panic and just curb myself checking my symptoms over and over again. I opened laptop, found DDLC+ discount (though this is not good time to play it now) and made myself huge supper. It was still "pulling" me to overthink my condition, so I started praying and after a while I calmed down. Then my thinking restored again. I'm able to look at it more objectively (though I'm still scared) and believed again that I can go through it.

 

1 hour ago, getofflex said:

Glenmullen withdrawal symptoms checklist

To be honest I did check it. What becomes problematic is that I couldn't always recognize these symptoms on time. It's easy to get lost in trying to figure it out unsuccessfully thinking that I'm just doing something wrong. The way they're labelled here and what I experience just didn't match up in my head. Maybe I just failed to see that these symptoms are additionally "broken" and feel completely alien during withdrawal/adverse reactions. Take headache for example - it feels way different than a regular headache, maybe that's why I couldn't catch it on time. Even moreso, symptoms just "lock me" in a vary narrow thinking and I can't access such perspectives during attacks/low moments/waves.

 

1 hour ago, getofflex said:

That is our withdrawal brain speaking to us, and it's a lie.

Yes, this is exactly it. I think I didn't react terribly wrong though. Sure, at first when surprised by such change of state I felt panic because obviously I had to notice something is wrong but I knew panicking or crying only makes things worse, so I didn't let that happen. I calmly asked my mom if we can drive home yet and when I came back I reminded myself every symptom eventually goes away. I said I better rest cause there's something not right with my thinking and how I feel. My mom knew I can be shaky after funeral and she didn't feel well herself too, we blamed it on low pressure (998 here) and my dad was sleeping as well, so there were no negative emotions around it. I noticed when I have thoughts about how I feel my balance issues try to come back and body feels like having "one protective shield less" against panic, so my first thought was "wave?" and decided to slow down. It may have been accumulation of yesterday's going out (loud piano, less healthy food, cold weather) and I had to have sex that day too because that hypersexuality symptom was bothering me (I try to limit sex to no more than once every 5 days if I can and certainly postpone it if there is a wave under way), but I knew I am going to spend today resting anyways. Such depersonalization moments are hugely destabilizing and literally turn my confidence in controlling my state to "no, no, no, please stop, I can't anymore, help!" sort of thinking and sadly, even in sober moment, I am rightfully afraid of it since it was horrible experience despite not panicking (though I felt like going insane) and there's a real chance it will happen again when I don't expect it (might be weaker/shorter/less frequent/not happen if I don't stress myself this much though), so what I'm left with is "I know what it is and that I managed to survive it earlier, but if this is still unbearable I'll remain disappointed" narration.

 

I appreciate you coming with rescue again, great moderator you are! These links require some "fishing" to find answers, but I will check them again, maybe just not now because reading about others being on more meds, withdrawing for many months and describing their experiences with even more painful symptoms may be too upsetting for today. I really hope I don't get symptoms like hallucinations or something like this because I really feel way too fragile to deal with it and my parents won't understand that potentially reacting very badly. Or maybe I already did have some psychotic symptoms but didn't know that. Anyways, each attack still seems to be weaker, it just doesn't speak to me in the moment when I suffer, so I try to stay hopeful that even the worst moments I will be able to count as "bearable" from now on.

Pretty much all meds used at the dose of one pill a day.

10.2020 sertraline (50 upped to 100mg for two months) and pregabalin (150mg for half year)

2021 mirtazapine (30mg for four months), amitryptyline (cascading dose but doctor took me off it before reaching five tablets), olanzapine (5mg), lithium (this one I reacted to terribly as well, maybe due to my Hashimoto disease)

2022 duloxetine, reboxetine, venlafaxine (all unsuccessful attemps stopped after one day with no side effects following days, only reboxetine pushed through with one box)

2023 mainly bupropion (150mg stopped after few weeks, 300mg stopped after few another weeks, 150mg stopped after few months) until IAR, buspirone (5mg) tried for 3 days

2024 dealing with immediate adverse reaction to 100mg sertraline. It happened just once on 16.12.2023. One 100mg dose in the morning. To visualize it: autumn 2023 - 150mg bupropion daily, 12.12.2023 - bupropion stopped, 16.12.2023 - 100mg sertraline, 18.12.2023 - 150mg bupropion, 19, 20 & 21.12.2023 - 150mg bupropion & 5mg buspirone, anything later - nothing.

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

It sounds like you are doing some good things to try and cope with your withdrawal.  These are very good skills, and will help you for the rest of your life, well after you heal from your withdrawal.  

 

The good news about waves is that they become less intense and scary with time.  I don't know if you have read this, but his explains it pretty well.  

 

WD Normal

Please do not private message me.  Only tag me for urgent questions about tapering and reinstating - thank you.  

 

***Please note this is not medical advice.  Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a doctor who understands psych meds and how to withdraw from them, if you can find one.

 

Lexapro   Started Apr 15 2010 - 10 mg;  started taper August 2017, recent taper info: Apr 2 '20  0.18 mg; Jul 16  0.17 mg, Aug 23  0.16 mg, Oct 7  0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13, Feb 7 - 0.12, Feb 22 - 0.11, Mar 26 - 0.10, May 21 - 0.09, June 15 - 0.08 Aug 16 - 0.07, Oct 6 - 0.06, Nov 21 0.05, Dec. 17 0.04, Jan 14 '22 0.03, Feb 19 0.02, Apr 18 0.01, May 15 0.005,  Jul 8, 0.00.  Psych Drug Free as of July 8, 2022!!  Woohoo!!!

other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg

magnesium in small amounts at 4 AM, before bed

suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, vit C, vit E, multivitamin, zinc

suppl 8 PM: magnesium 350 mg, extended release vitamin C, melatonin 2 mg

 

Paxil 2002 - 2010, switched to Lexapro 2010 

Trazodone 50 mg. 2002 - 2019, fast tapered in 2019 

Xanax 0.5 mg as needed 2002 - 2019, up to 3x weekly 

Link to comment
18 minutes ago, getofflex said:

The good news about waves is that they become less intense and scary with time.  I don't know if you have read this, but his explains it pretty well.  

 

So WDnormal is basically a way to measure the default level of intensity of my current condition? Reaching 0 is feeling myself again? What I got from it is that there's constant improvement in this measurement despite fluctuations here and there. Also that means that I should be very careful even after feeling as if everything went back to normal. I don't drink and don't plan on jumping on meds, but in my case this probably means not stressing myself and not going too hard on myself at the gym (sounds like a distant future from current mood's perspective). Should I keep track of it? Like noting what percentage of WDnormal I feel? And 100% was the peak worst day that likely happened sometime at the beginning?

 

I try to keep in mind that it can take some time, but really hope I'm at least functional enough soon without suffering this badly. I try to cautiously introduce things that are urgent (going to town to doctor, spending more time in standing position) without overwhelming myself unneccessarly (staying up too late, listening to music through headphones, exercising, more frequent sexual activity, sweets in large portions - I think all this can wait) and there was a good progress. I really kept telling myself not to feel too confident in all that cause that'd be the opposite spectrum of what I feel during waves though.

 

This month I finally had days I'd view as "bearable" with only some moments of worrying when not distracted. Symptoms like tinnitus, hyperacusis, memory problems have somewhat small potential to make me freak out, but those that alter my thinking, perception of my body - absolutely disarming. So hard not to panic when breathing, swallowing, staying conscious and sane is in question. What keeps my hopes is that things didn't go unbearably badly this month yet except today which is likely result of previous day being abnormally challenging. Therefore there's a chance that once I get back to my self-care routine things will get even better from now on (any family member dying in following half-year would probably be too much bad luck to occur) and despite still feeling fainty typing this, at least I have rational thinking in play.

 

There is a very serious problem I have been facing since like 6 years which is limerence (I used to vent similairly on r/limerence cause I have big need to post lots of words about my thoughts when feeling it's not widely recognized) but now I'm not scared of it. Also I'm not sad by my grandpa's death. Not a single tear dropped because AR-withdrawal literally reevaluated my sense of what "having a problem" really means. If I ever recover I will be supporting (mostly online cause I likely won't have any other chance) people who suffer from effects of their meds.

Pretty much all meds used at the dose of one pill a day.

10.2020 sertraline (50 upped to 100mg for two months) and pregabalin (150mg for half year)

2021 mirtazapine (30mg for four months), amitryptyline (cascading dose but doctor took me off it before reaching five tablets), olanzapine (5mg), lithium (this one I reacted to terribly as well, maybe due to my Hashimoto disease)

2022 duloxetine, reboxetine, venlafaxine (all unsuccessful attemps stopped after one day with no side effects following days, only reboxetine pushed through with one box)

2023 mainly bupropion (150mg stopped after few weeks, 300mg stopped after few another weeks, 150mg stopped after few months) until IAR, buspirone (5mg) tried for 3 days

2024 dealing with immediate adverse reaction to 100mg sertraline. It happened just once on 16.12.2023. One 100mg dose in the morning. To visualize it: autumn 2023 - 150mg bupropion daily, 12.12.2023 - bupropion stopped, 16.12.2023 - 100mg sertraline, 18.12.2023 - 150mg bupropion, 19, 20 & 21.12.2023 - 150mg bupropion & 5mg buspirone, anything later - nothing.

Link to comment

Might be cowardice from my side, but I think I'll miss tommorow's mass again. It was a rough week and I still have appointment with my psychiatrist on monday morning. Last few hours I felt way better and managed to keep myself distracted with games, books, football, ski jumping and doing laundry, but there's still something broken when I pause and introspect. I still feel alien, trapped in that state and even though I know it's temporary and these emotions are obviously fabricated by my condition, I feel them for real and it puts me in confusion. How do I deal with that? Well, I just put my focus outside. I can only do it so much, but if this is misleading me, I may as well lead it on the right track even if I don't feel like yet.

 

My apettite and libido improved to the point where I think they're back at where they were before that reaction. My heartbeat also starts to resemble my regular one more and more (I almost felt no heartbeat even when scared during some weeks), so bodily I definitelly improved, there's only some adjustement needed in breathing though it may be just me eating more and moving less now, but other than that I just have some mild alien general sensation. My skin feels more normal now and I don't feel balance issues when taking care of myself, just needs some more "strength" coming back there. I follow my body cues. If I touch my eyes and feel that there's some mild headache behind it, I decide it's time for a break. Even if just closing eyes and lying down for a while. Tinnitus? I just reduce stimulation or slow down. Also I sleep very hard, so I trust my brain that I may need more rest than before. The plain out physical sphere seems to be under control provided I don't overextend myself which isn't even that restrictive now. I'm still slightly paranoid around food and drinks, but seems like everything my body accepts with no problems. I consider going back to soda zero, but it says "contains caffeine" which doesn't really tell me how much of it there is, so maybe I'll start slowly, probably in the following weeks.

 

Worst symptoms are obviously mental and probably it's a matter of taking things easy. My mom is naturally like "of course you'll feel depressed by staying at home all days", but for an already agoraphobic organism additional stress wouldn't help improve my symptoms since I avoid going out because of not wanting to have an attack in the middle of a shop, not because I feel depressed or afraid of people. I sense there is a potential for preventing brutal attacks and making any potentially upcoming waves manageable and that is, to not make windows or holes (neutral days) more taxing than I need to. I had some good results staying at home and following a very predictable schedule around mid January. The waves were significantly weaker in that period before I got dragged into higher pace and they went to "unbelieveably unbearable" again. Now I feel even more stabilized, but obviously I lost track of some habbits in the process. By default my house runs on high stimuli, so I will set reminders not to overdo screens, maybe take breaks from conversations where there are many loud individuals and taking profilactic naps. If mental symptoms take control over me and I'll know it's too late because there's already too much confusion running inside me and my brain cannot stop nor ignore it right away, I'll just go to bed and maybe ask my mom to keep reassuring that it's temporary over and over again, even if it feels like my panic is irrational and I should already know that.

 

Still, better not to let moments this dark to happen unless it has to come regardless of what I'll be doing. Sorry for throwing this many words, but it helps me feel being in control, having a plan and sensing I'm capable of handling it. I feel somewhat split now, like not exactly cured, not really myself yet, but not that freaked out about whether or not I'll survive and recover. Sort of in shock, as if my body encouraged me to feel more relaxed and content but also sensing that it's a trap knowing how bad attacks and waves can be and how recent they actually were. I just opt for safer paths because I can get a new haircut anyday but if I fall into lowest of my condition I'd definitelly admit that any risk wasn't worth it.

Pretty much all meds used at the dose of one pill a day.

10.2020 sertraline (50 upped to 100mg for two months) and pregabalin (150mg for half year)

2021 mirtazapine (30mg for four months), amitryptyline (cascading dose but doctor took me off it before reaching five tablets), olanzapine (5mg), lithium (this one I reacted to terribly as well, maybe due to my Hashimoto disease)

2022 duloxetine, reboxetine, venlafaxine (all unsuccessful attemps stopped after one day with no side effects following days, only reboxetine pushed through with one box)

2023 mainly bupropion (150mg stopped after few weeks, 300mg stopped after few another weeks, 150mg stopped after few months) until IAR, buspirone (5mg) tried for 3 days

2024 dealing with immediate adverse reaction to 100mg sertraline. It happened just once on 16.12.2023. One 100mg dose in the morning. To visualize it: autumn 2023 - 150mg bupropion daily, 12.12.2023 - bupropion stopped, 16.12.2023 - 100mg sertraline, 18.12.2023 - 150mg bupropion, 19, 20 & 21.12.2023 - 150mg bupropion & 5mg buspirone, anything later - nothing.

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WD normal is just a rolling average of how we've felt the past several months, and it should improve very gradually.  It's not precise or measurable.  You don't have to keep track of it.  However, some people do keep track of each of their symptoms each day, just to measure their progress, if you want to do that.  However, don't get caught in the trap of focusing too much on the symptoms, as that can create more anxiety and depression.  It's best to try to not think about them too much, and distract yourself with other things.  

23 hours ago, BaccatePlayer said:

This month I finally had days I'd view as "bearable" with only some moments of worrying when not distracted.

This is very good!  

23 hours ago, BaccatePlayer said:

Therefore there's a chance that once I get back to my self-care routine things will get even better from now on (any family member dying in following half-year would probably be too much bad luck to occur)

Yes, I suspect that now that your grandfather's funeral is over, you can hopefully have more peace and less stress, and this should help!  

 

23 hours ago, BaccatePlayer said:

If I ever recover I will be supporting (mostly online cause I likely won't have any other chance) people who suffer from effects of their meds

I have every confidence that you will recover!  It sounds like you are pretty young, and you seem to have a lot of awareness and good self care habits.  Keep up the good work!

Please do not private message me.  Only tag me for urgent questions about tapering and reinstating - thank you.  

 

***Please note this is not medical advice.  Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a doctor who understands psych meds and how to withdraw from them, if you can find one.

 

Lexapro   Started Apr 15 2010 - 10 mg;  started taper August 2017, recent taper info: Apr 2 '20  0.18 mg; Jul 16  0.17 mg, Aug 23  0.16 mg, Oct 7  0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13, Feb 7 - 0.12, Feb 22 - 0.11, Mar 26 - 0.10, May 21 - 0.09, June 15 - 0.08 Aug 16 - 0.07, Oct 6 - 0.06, Nov 21 0.05, Dec. 17 0.04, Jan 14 '22 0.03, Feb 19 0.02, Apr 18 0.01, May 15 0.005,  Jul 8, 0.00.  Psych Drug Free as of July 8, 2022!!  Woohoo!!!

other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg

magnesium in small amounts at 4 AM, before bed

suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, vit C, vit E, multivitamin, zinc

suppl 8 PM: magnesium 350 mg, extended release vitamin C, melatonin 2 mg

 

Paxil 2002 - 2010, switched to Lexapro 2010 

Trazodone 50 mg. 2002 - 2019, fast tapered in 2019 

Xanax 0.5 mg as needed 2002 - 2019, up to 3x weekly 

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Another wave. Headaches significantly milder than last time, brightness of sight also less intense, even thinking remained more rational, but brain felt "lagging". Breathing got odd, body sensations indicating instability, very alien form of nausea, wierd heartbeat. It was pulling me and leaving back and forth producing many uncomfortable moments. Different symptoms, overall lighter wave than previous one, but nonetheless I hope it'll be over by tommorow. If so, then I'm glad that I decided to stay at home today and if that would allow me to visit my psychiatrist in 17 hours then I'll declare things worked out well for me. It all started with me coughing at night and in the morning having some bad nightmares during my sleep. Despite being paranoid about developing sleep apnea (some meds did that to me before) and psychotic, disarming symptoms, I took care of myself and hope for surviving tommorow cause then my biggest worries should finally be over.

Pretty much all meds used at the dose of one pill a day.

10.2020 sertraline (50 upped to 100mg for two months) and pregabalin (150mg for half year)

2021 mirtazapine (30mg for four months), amitryptyline (cascading dose but doctor took me off it before reaching five tablets), olanzapine (5mg), lithium (this one I reacted to terribly as well, maybe due to my Hashimoto disease)

2022 duloxetine, reboxetine, venlafaxine (all unsuccessful attemps stopped after one day with no side effects following days, only reboxetine pushed through with one box)

2023 mainly bupropion (150mg stopped after few weeks, 300mg stopped after few another weeks, 150mg stopped after few months) until IAR, buspirone (5mg) tried for 3 days

2024 dealing with immediate adverse reaction to 100mg sertraline. It happened just once on 16.12.2023. One 100mg dose in the morning. To visualize it: autumn 2023 - 150mg bupropion daily, 12.12.2023 - bupropion stopped, 16.12.2023 - 100mg sertraline, 18.12.2023 - 150mg bupropion, 19, 20 & 21.12.2023 - 150mg bupropion & 5mg buspirone, anything later - nothing.

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40 minutes ago, BaccatePlayer said:

overall lighter wave than previous one,

This shows that your brain is healing.  This is good.  

 

40 minutes ago, BaccatePlayer said:

If so, then I'm glad that I decided to stay at home today and if that would allow me to visit my psychiatrist in 17 hours then I'll declare things worked out well for me.

Please just be aware that if you see a psychiatrist, they are quite likely to try and tell you to take more psych drugs.  You have the choice of whether or not to take them.   Most people in here who try more psych drugs end up getting even worse.  

Edited by getofflex

Please do not private message me.  Only tag me for urgent questions about tapering and reinstating - thank you.  

 

***Please note this is not medical advice.  Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a doctor who understands psych meds and how to withdraw from them, if you can find one.

 

Lexapro   Started Apr 15 2010 - 10 mg;  started taper August 2017, recent taper info: Apr 2 '20  0.18 mg; Jul 16  0.17 mg, Aug 23  0.16 mg, Oct 7  0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13, Feb 7 - 0.12, Feb 22 - 0.11, Mar 26 - 0.10, May 21 - 0.09, June 15 - 0.08 Aug 16 - 0.07, Oct 6 - 0.06, Nov 21 0.05, Dec. 17 0.04, Jan 14 '22 0.03, Feb 19 0.02, Apr 18 0.01, May 15 0.005,  Jul 8, 0.00.  Psych Drug Free as of July 8, 2022!!  Woohoo!!!

other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg

magnesium in small amounts at 4 AM, before bed

suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, vit C, vit E, multivitamin, zinc

suppl 8 PM: magnesium 350 mg, extended release vitamin C, melatonin 2 mg

 

Paxil 2002 - 2010, switched to Lexapro 2010 

Trazodone 50 mg. 2002 - 2019, fast tapered in 2019 

Xanax 0.5 mg as needed 2002 - 2019, up to 3x weekly 

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