Muddles Posted August 22, 2014 Author Share Posted August 22, 2014 Thank you Petu for your encouraging words. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
Muddles Posted August 23, 2014 Author Share Posted August 23, 2014 Pleading for my friend to take me to a&e earlier because I feel so traumatised by what I feel is some kind of brain injury. I am not exaggerating - my frontal lobe area is dead and I am fully aware of it....and it's the most disturbing, traumatising and tragic injury anyone should ever have to endure. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
Muddles Posted August 24, 2014 Author Share Posted August 24, 2014 Tragic 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
Muddles Posted August 24, 2014 Author Share Posted August 24, 2014 Severely suicidle - this is torture. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted August 24, 2014 Share Posted August 24, 2014 Oh my muddles, I know how you feel, I want to take my life everyday, it truly is torture. I wish I could hope on a plane and be there with you. Please hang on, just like you've told me to do time and time again. You can PM anytime. I hope you are alright, sending hugs and prayers your way. Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
Muddles Posted August 25, 2014 Author Share Posted August 25, 2014 So bloody depressed...it's a horrible drug depression....the one I had when going on the med...the one my Cpn said was un-treated post natal depression. My son was 3 at that point. Ffs! Thanks for thinking of me. This is such a battle. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
andy Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 Just hang in there muddles better times are around the corner,everybody is thinking of you 2012 put on Citalopram and diazepam for 3 months for "depression" after filling in a 3 minute form at the doctors, had a massive reaction with panic attacks and extreme anxiety,never suffered panic attacks or anxiety before citalopram.Told to quit cold turkey which led to two hospital admissions during 2012/2013 December for 6 months Seroquel dosage adjusted up and down 50mg ,150mg ,100mg, caused severe tinnitus ,told to quit cold turkey 2013 January for 12 months Lorazapam given to me like sweets,told to quit cold turkey 2013 May Zoloft for 6 months ,told to quit cold turkey, reinstated 50mg tapered 2nd time over a month (to fast but I survived)messed up my sleep Zyprexa April 2103 5mg until august 2014 ,dropped by doctor down to 2.5mg for one month went well but sleep was very poor for 3 weeks End of 2015 I had to reinstate back up to 5mg due to constant insomnia that wouldnt go away Started a slow taper and found an understanding doctor who listened to me while I reducedMay 2016 drug free, sleeping and doing well in life again, it can be done http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/12078-finally-off-zyprexa/ Link to comment
westcoast Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 Hi Muddles, I'm new here but not new to this struggle.I'm really curious about how these meds and the damage they cause can lead to a desire for self-harm.I was put on Chantix (anti-smoking) in 2010 without my doc telling me it could cause suicidal ideation. Within days I had unbidden thoughts of killing myself. I wasn't even depressed. In fact I was in a post-Effexor mania at the time (which should have prevented the doc from prescribing Chantix, of course.)The thoughts were very clear and accompanied by a burst of hopelessness and dread. They came from nowhere.This is why I hope you are able to see through the evil messages the drugs have caused your brain to experience. It's not you; in my opinion you (and I, and everyone here) have damaged neurology. And we have the curse of struggling to override our own damaged brains day in and day out.I myself have no feelings of pleasure, and merely tolerate the passage of time, at my best.I am taking solace from others here who say they have got better. The main factor is TIME, which of course equates to MORE SUFFERING.But if there is a bright, recovered future ahead, then I guess patience is our strongest virtue and best medicine. 2009: Cancer hospital said I had adjustment disorder because I thought they were doing it wrong. Their headshrinker prescribed Effexor, and my life set on a new course. I didn't know what was ahead, like a passenger on Disneyland's Matterhorn, smiling and waving as it climbs...clink, clink, clink. 2010: Post surgical accidental Effexor discontinuation by nurses, masked by intravenous Dilaudid. (The car is balanced at the top of the track.) I get home, pop a Vicodin, and ... Whooosh...down, down, down, down, down...goes the trajectory of my life, up goes my mood and tendency to think everything is a good idea.2012: After the bipolar jig was up, now a walking bag of unrelated symptoms, I went crazy on Daytrana (the Ritalin skin patch by Noven), because ADHD was a perfect fit for a bag of unrelated symptoms. I was prescribed Effexor for the nervousness of it, and things got neurological. An EEG showed enough activity to warrant an epilepsy diagnosis rather than non-epileptic ("psychogenic") seizures. 2013-2014: Quit everything and got worse. I probably went through DAWS: dopamine agonist withdrawal syndrome. I drank to not feel, but I felt a lot: dread, fear, regret, grief: an utter sense of total loss of everything worth breathing about, for almost two years. I was not suicidal but I wanted to be dead, at least dead to the experience of my own brain and body. 2015: I began to recover after adding virgin coconut oil and organic grass-fed fed butter to a cup of instant coffee in the morning. I did it hoping for mental acuity and better memory. After ten days of that, I was much better, mood-wise. Approximately neutral. And, I experienced drowsiness. I could sleep. Not exactly happy, I did 30 days on Wellbutrin, because it had done me no harm in the past. I don't have the DAWS mood or state of mind. It never feel like doing anything if it means standing up. In fact, I don't especially like moving. I'm a brain with a beanbag body. Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 Sending you big hugs, praying for you and your family. Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
Muddles Posted August 28, 2014 Author Share Posted August 28, 2014 Had a fit this morning...kind of jerky movements. I had one of these not long after starting mirtazapine along with confusion. Another side effect missed by docs. I am feeling very traumatised by the whole situation. The main disturbing symptom is feeling like my frontal brain area not working,, not responding....dead!! It's something I'm not sure how much longer I can put up with. I could put up with anything but this. Any human connection/emotion is none. Like ive been wiped away from life! Who could live on like this???? 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
westcoast Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 Hi Muddles, If that was a "seizure" (which is American for "fit") you might want to see a neurologist. A psychiatrist might tell you you're inventing symptoms, whereas neurologists are properly concerned about seizures.As for the anhedonia, dysphoria, etc. I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.I keep forcing myself to believe that with adequate time, my symptoms will abate. There are others here who've got better over time.I hope you can keep the faith and guide your physical self through the anguish your mind (and body) are experiencing. That body of yours will work again, and let you do things you used to enjoy. When? No one can say. Many of us want to end it all, but it's not fair to our former selves. We all worked too hard in life to just give up now. This is a cross to bear, for sure, and no one would wish it on an enemy.I'm sort of paralyzed these days, barely fulfilling my modest responsibilities. I guess I am treading water. Maybe that's all we can do right now. I find it hard to believe I'll ever get better, but when I do believe it, it relieves some of this agony.I hope you make it safely through this day and the next. 2009: Cancer hospital said I had adjustment disorder because I thought they were doing it wrong. Their headshrinker prescribed Effexor, and my life set on a new course. I didn't know what was ahead, like a passenger on Disneyland's Matterhorn, smiling and waving as it climbs...clink, clink, clink. 2010: Post surgical accidental Effexor discontinuation by nurses, masked by intravenous Dilaudid. (The car is balanced at the top of the track.) I get home, pop a Vicodin, and ... Whooosh...down, down, down, down, down...goes the trajectory of my life, up goes my mood and tendency to think everything is a good idea.2012: After the bipolar jig was up, now a walking bag of unrelated symptoms, I went crazy on Daytrana (the Ritalin skin patch by Noven), because ADHD was a perfect fit for a bag of unrelated symptoms. I was prescribed Effexor for the nervousness of it, and things got neurological. An EEG showed enough activity to warrant an epilepsy diagnosis rather than non-epileptic ("psychogenic") seizures. 2013-2014: Quit everything and got worse. I probably went through DAWS: dopamine agonist withdrawal syndrome. I drank to not feel, but I felt a lot: dread, fear, regret, grief: an utter sense of total loss of everything worth breathing about, for almost two years. I was not suicidal but I wanted to be dead, at least dead to the experience of my own brain and body. 2015: I began to recover after adding virgin coconut oil and organic grass-fed fed butter to a cup of instant coffee in the morning. I did it hoping for mental acuity and better memory. After ten days of that, I was much better, mood-wise. Approximately neutral. And, I experienced drowsiness. I could sleep. Not exactly happy, I did 30 days on Wellbutrin, because it had done me no harm in the past. I don't have the DAWS mood or state of mind. It never feel like doing anything if it means standing up. In fact, I don't especially like moving. I'm a brain with a beanbag body. Link to comment
Meimeiquest Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 Dear Muddles, So sorry to hear of another problem. If you did have a seizure, they leave people feeling awful afterwards. Could you see a neurologist? Someone wrote here...the science goes to neurology, the voodoo to psychiatry. And maybe a neurologist would have the perfect pill (just kidding)! Hang in there...this will be worth it someday. 1st round Prozac 1989/90, clear depression symptoms. 2nd round Prozac started 1999 when admitted to dr. I was tired. Prozac pooped out, switch to Cymbalta 3/2006. Diagnosed with bipolar disorder due to mania 6/2006--then I was taken abruptly off Cymbalta and didn't know I had SSRI withdrawal. Lots of meds for my intractable "bipolar" symptoms. Zyprexa started about 9/06, mostly 5mg. Tapered 4/12 through12/29/12 Wellbutrin. XL 300 mg started 1/07, tapered 1/18/13 through 7/8/13 Oxazepam mostly continuously since 6/06, 30mg since 12/12, tapered 1.17.14 through 8.26.15 11/06 Lithium 600mg twice daily, 2.2.14 400mg TID DIY liquid, 2.12.14 1150mg, 3.2.14 1100mg, 3.18.14 1075mg, 4/14 updose to 1100mg, 6.1.14 900 mg capsules 7.8.14 810mg, 8.17.14 725mg, 8.24.24 700mg...10.22.14 487.5mg, 3.9.15 475mg, 4.1.15 462.5mg 4.21.15 450mg 8.11.15 375mg, 11.28.15 362.5mg, back to 375mg four days later, 3.4.16 updose to 475 (too much going on to risk trouble) 9/4/13 Toprol-XL 25mg daily for sudden hypertension, tapered 11.12.13 through 5.3.14, last 10 days or so switched to atenolol 7.4.14 Started Walsh Protocol 56 years old Link to comment
westcoast Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 I hope you get some rest and find some peace in the hospital. You've been through so much through no fault of your own. Let others take care of you for a while. It's brave of you to post here and even braver to get admitted.Wishing you good sleep and better days. 2009: Cancer hospital said I had adjustment disorder because I thought they were doing it wrong. Their headshrinker prescribed Effexor, and my life set on a new course. I didn't know what was ahead, like a passenger on Disneyland's Matterhorn, smiling and waving as it climbs...clink, clink, clink. 2010: Post surgical accidental Effexor discontinuation by nurses, masked by intravenous Dilaudid. (The car is balanced at the top of the track.) I get home, pop a Vicodin, and ... Whooosh...down, down, down, down, down...goes the trajectory of my life, up goes my mood and tendency to think everything is a good idea.2012: After the bipolar jig was up, now a walking bag of unrelated symptoms, I went crazy on Daytrana (the Ritalin skin patch by Noven), because ADHD was a perfect fit for a bag of unrelated symptoms. I was prescribed Effexor for the nervousness of it, and things got neurological. An EEG showed enough activity to warrant an epilepsy diagnosis rather than non-epileptic ("psychogenic") seizures. 2013-2014: Quit everything and got worse. I probably went through DAWS: dopamine agonist withdrawal syndrome. I drank to not feel, but I felt a lot: dread, fear, regret, grief: an utter sense of total loss of everything worth breathing about, for almost two years. I was not suicidal but I wanted to be dead, at least dead to the experience of my own brain and body. 2015: I began to recover after adding virgin coconut oil and organic grass-fed fed butter to a cup of instant coffee in the morning. I did it hoping for mental acuity and better memory. After ten days of that, I was much better, mood-wise. Approximately neutral. And, I experienced drowsiness. I could sleep. Not exactly happy, I did 30 days on Wellbutrin, because it had done me no harm in the past. I don't have the DAWS mood or state of mind. It never feel like doing anything if it means standing up. In fact, I don't especially like moving. I'm a brain with a beanbag body. Link to comment
chicken Posted August 29, 2014 Share Posted August 29, 2014 Muddles, Mirtazipine was messing me up so badly I had to go in the hospital to get off it quickly. I know that this is not the best way but my situation got pretty dire on the Mirz. Unfortunately it took another med to get me off of it, but now I am very stable and now I will be able to taper the new med in peace. Check out the last post in my thread http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6509-chicken-help-im-scared-mirtazapine-remeron/ I know it's not the recommended way but if it is a life threatening situation you have to do what you have to do. I remember Altostrata posting in my thread that my thinking was irrational. She was right and it was all caused by the Mirtz though I didn't know it at the time. Since I got off the mirtz. my thinking is clear again and all my emotions are back. I don't have a fear of tapering now. I have prayed for you. I hope things get better for you. I feel that I did the right thing, though some may seriously disagree with me. Take care of yourself. Prozac 1999-2009 quit semi cold turkey. 2012 Placed on Seroquel 25 mg, Tranxene (Clorezepate) 3.75 mg 3x a day, Remeron 30 mg for anxiety/akathesia. Weaned off Seroquel and Tranxene .to Remeron 15 Mg. In May 2014 tried quitting Remeron at its lowest dose. Had severe withdrawals.Reinstated Remeron at 30 mg by doctor. August 5 2014 entered hospital. Doctor pulled the Remeron and bridged it to Pamelor (Nortriptyline) 40mg and Zyprexa 2.5mg.After removing the Remeron all my bad symptoms went away and I am stable. 9/11/14 - 7.5 mg tranxene, 40mg Pamelor, Zyprexa 2.5mg 12/29/14 - 20mg Pamelor, 1/6/15, 7/31/15 3.5mg, 8/10/15 3.2 mg, 9/15/15 2.2mg, 10/15/15 1.8mg (Feb 2016 - 1.4mg Pamelor only - OFF OF TRANXENE AND ZYPREXA SINCE DEC 2014 BENZO FREE Since 2014. Nortrityline (Pamelor) .8mg Aug 2016 March 2017 DRUG FREE Link to comment
Muddles Posted August 29, 2014 Author Share Posted August 29, 2014 Thanks chicken. I'm envious that you have managed to get off the mirrtazaline....something I should have done after taking that first pill. I am still in constant suicidal mode :-( I've even noticed that when something makes me jump...I kind of jump from the outside...no inner jumpiness. It's scary to think what damge I've done to myself. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
andy Posted August 29, 2014 Share Posted August 29, 2014 Hi Muddles so sorry to hear you are suffering,cant you get on the local crisis team for some support and help to get you through this ? 2012 put on Citalopram and diazepam for 3 months for "depression" after filling in a 3 minute form at the doctors, had a massive reaction with panic attacks and extreme anxiety,never suffered panic attacks or anxiety before citalopram.Told to quit cold turkey which led to two hospital admissions during 2012/2013 December for 6 months Seroquel dosage adjusted up and down 50mg ,150mg ,100mg, caused severe tinnitus ,told to quit cold turkey 2013 January for 12 months Lorazapam given to me like sweets,told to quit cold turkey 2013 May Zoloft for 6 months ,told to quit cold turkey, reinstated 50mg tapered 2nd time over a month (to fast but I survived)messed up my sleep Zyprexa April 2103 5mg until august 2014 ,dropped by doctor down to 2.5mg for one month went well but sleep was very poor for 3 weeks End of 2015 I had to reinstate back up to 5mg due to constant insomnia that wouldnt go away Started a slow taper and found an understanding doctor who listened to me while I reducedMay 2016 drug free, sleeping and doing well in life again, it can be done http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/12078-finally-off-zyprexa/ Link to comment
chicken Posted August 29, 2014 Share Posted August 29, 2014 Thanks chicken. I'm envious that you have managed to get off the mirrtazaline....something I should have done after taking that first pill. I am still in constant suicidal mode :-( I've even noticed that when something makes me jump...I kind of jump from the outside...no inner jumpiness. It's scary to think what damge I've done to myself. Muddles, the worst thing it was doing for me was only allowing me 4 hours of sleep. As soon as I would take it, like clockwork, I would awaken panicked almost exactly 4 hours later, no matter what time I took it. I couldn't work on 4 hours of sleep. Plus the contant anxiety and lack of contration were almost unbearable. I work as an electronics repair tech, so I need all my concentration. The doctor bridged me over to xyprexa at the very lowest dose to get me off the MIrtz and it worked. I was still on the same amount of benzo so I don't know if it helped or not. He also added a tricyclic instead of an ssri. I absolutely refused the SSRI. I don't think the tricyclic helped as I got so much better before he ever brought it up to a helpful dose. He agrees that I can come of all my meds but we have to take it slowly. I don't think he believed the Mirtz caused all of my problems but I think he may believe it now. I see him next month and we will start my taper, hopefully the xyprexa first. Since our situations are totally different, I really don't know what you should do. I know common sense says not to to try another drug but at least I'm stable and can work after being bridged. I'm not married, no children and no siblings, so I have no one to help but my elderly mom. So keeping my job and insurance was a must. Seek God for wisdom as our spiritual must line up with body and mind. I believe all three must work together, mind, body and spirit. I'm praying for you. Prozac 1999-2009 quit semi cold turkey. 2012 Placed on Seroquel 25 mg, Tranxene (Clorezepate) 3.75 mg 3x a day, Remeron 30 mg for anxiety/akathesia. Weaned off Seroquel and Tranxene .to Remeron 15 Mg. In May 2014 tried quitting Remeron at its lowest dose. Had severe withdrawals.Reinstated Remeron at 30 mg by doctor. August 5 2014 entered hospital. Doctor pulled the Remeron and bridged it to Pamelor (Nortriptyline) 40mg and Zyprexa 2.5mg.After removing the Remeron all my bad symptoms went away and I am stable. 9/11/14 - 7.5 mg tranxene, 40mg Pamelor, Zyprexa 2.5mg 12/29/14 - 20mg Pamelor, 1/6/15, 7/31/15 3.5mg, 8/10/15 3.2 mg, 9/15/15 2.2mg, 10/15/15 1.8mg (Feb 2016 - 1.4mg Pamelor only - OFF OF TRANXENE AND ZYPREXA SINCE DEC 2014 BENZO FREE Since 2014. Nortrityline (Pamelor) .8mg Aug 2016 March 2017 DRUG FREE Link to comment
Muddles Posted August 29, 2014 Author Share Posted August 29, 2014 Thanks chicken. In pleased you are sorted. Andy - crisis team cannot help with what I am suffering with. They have absolutely no clue about what's happened to me. If anyone should be helping - it should the effin pharmaceutical company. Those who have brain injuries get help at home...that's what we should be getting. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus mammaP Posted August 29, 2014 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted August 29, 2014 Hi Muddles, dropping in with a great big hug. I have been away and was thinking about you and how brave you are by keeping going. I saw Bubble's post higher up the page and agree with what she says about getting outside. Whatever the weather it will help your body and brain to heal. It doesn't have to be far, or fast. I can barely move sometimes but if I can do the 5 minute walk to the end of the street and back, (to the postbox) I feel clearer when I get home. I go to the post box just because it is a destination and I don't look silly walking to the end of the street and back . It would take anyone else seconds but takes me 5 minutes each way. That 10 minutes can make a difference, not a huge one but slightly better. I can only repeat what I tell myself every day in a wave, this will pass, it really will. One day you will be writing your success story. **I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge. Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem) 1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat 2002 effexor. Tapered March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads. Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013 Restarted taper Nov 2013 OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015 Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014 Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg July 2017 30mg. May 15 2018 25mg Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33 Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible Link to comment
chicken Posted August 29, 2014 Share Posted August 29, 2014 Muddles, Have you ever missed a day of taking the mirtz? If so did you notice a difference in how you feel? Prozac 1999-2009 quit semi cold turkey. 2012 Placed on Seroquel 25 mg, Tranxene (Clorezepate) 3.75 mg 3x a day, Remeron 30 mg for anxiety/akathesia. Weaned off Seroquel and Tranxene .to Remeron 15 Mg. In May 2014 tried quitting Remeron at its lowest dose. Had severe withdrawals.Reinstated Remeron at 30 mg by doctor. August 5 2014 entered hospital. Doctor pulled the Remeron and bridged it to Pamelor (Nortriptyline) 40mg and Zyprexa 2.5mg.After removing the Remeron all my bad symptoms went away and I am stable. 9/11/14 - 7.5 mg tranxene, 40mg Pamelor, Zyprexa 2.5mg 12/29/14 - 20mg Pamelor, 1/6/15, 7/31/15 3.5mg, 8/10/15 3.2 mg, 9/15/15 2.2mg, 10/15/15 1.8mg (Feb 2016 - 1.4mg Pamelor only - OFF OF TRANXENE AND ZYPREXA SINCE DEC 2014 BENZO FREE Since 2014. Nortrityline (Pamelor) .8mg Aug 2016 March 2017 DRUG FREE Link to comment
Muddles Posted August 29, 2014 Author Share Posted August 29, 2014 Thanks mammaP...I do try and get out when I can. So hard. Chicken - I did miss the odd day. Never felt any different though. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
mattinsmom Posted August 29, 2014 Share Posted August 29, 2014 I am so sorry that you are still being hit so very hard. Sneaky tricks that I've used for those times when I am losing it - ice cubes in the palms of your hands. When that fails, the arches of your feet. Sea salt (crystals if you can get them) under the tongue brings focus back real quick! I agree with Bubbles and mommaP - get out, get out, get out. If you can find grass walk barefoot. Step outside at night and just take deep breaths. If you can get your feet (body) in water - do it. And I hear that you have no interest, no energy, no desire to do any of those things. I hear that existing is a lot for you right now. You are in my prayers. Don't give up! Current: Lorazapam: 2mg: 4/9/15: 2mg - 1.5mg: already sick/nothing noticed. No changes in sleep noted after illness. Lamictal: 7/27/13 - 8/6/13: 400mg - 500mg(dr order) mouth sores, headache, cognitive/balance, heart palp...8/7/13 - 8/23/13: 500mg - 400mg; symptoms↓...10/10/13: 350mg; fever/flu-like <2-weeks...12/30/13: 325mg; fever/flu-like symptoms <1-week...2/10/17: 300mg; no significant changes noted. Discontinued: Omeprazole: 09/2103 40mg...5/1/14: 20mg... 8/21/14 = 0 Wellbutrin: 11/22/13: 300mg – 225mg...12/6/13 delayed reaction- mood swings, weight↓, heart palp/chest pain, alerting...12/14/13: 187mg; physical symptoms↓, neuro emotions ↑, weight stable...12/20/13: 225mg; physical symptoms return, emotions stable <1-week, weight↓...4/21/14: 187mg; weight↑...5/17/14 (neurologist ordered discontinue asap):168mg; headache, mood swings, ↑weight, sleep flux...5/24/14: 150mg; headache, mood swings, ↓cognitive/balance...6/2/14: 112mg; see above, weight stable, <3-weeks... 6/28/14: 100mg; moody...7/25/14: 87.5mg; family troubles... 8/4/14: 75mg; headaches; moody... 8/9/14: 50mg headaches... 8/12/14: 37.5mg; 8/17/14: 25mg...8/26/14 = 0 Hydroxyzine; 10mg: 5/20/15 *prn 4/5 times then dc'd. Mood changes/rage Buspirone: 7.5mg: 5/20/15 *prn 4/5 times then dc'd. No changes. Link to comment
Muddles Posted August 31, 2014 Author Share Posted August 31, 2014 Thank you mm. I have to see a neurologist next month. I had a fit the other day which led me to a&e. It's not like I don't have the energy to do anything...I just can't. I can't hold conversation or even get my head around picking out uniform for the kids. That part of my brain has shut down entirely. This is pure brain injury...not withdrawel. The drug has injured my brain and life. I can't possibly live like this. My brain has died. Nothing makes me feel better...nothing. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
Muddles Posted August 31, 2014 Author Share Posted August 31, 2014 And if a neurologist can diagnose toxic brain injury I will fight for dignitas. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
mlrp Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 Dear, dear Muddles - As always, I wish I could just take all of your suffering away. I'm thinking about you and praying for something to improve. I find a tiny grain of hope in the anger that you feel about the pharmaceuticals - perhaps you're not fully in touch with it, but I hear anger, and that's an emotion - one of our most primal - so some connections may still be working. Mostly, I just want to say, "don't give up," and you are in my thoughts. 04/2013 diagnoses: severe insomnia, major depressive disorder, anxiety disorder, agoraphobia. PTSD (my diagnosis) Original scripts: 30 mg mirtazapine (Remeron) (1x day), 75 mg Bupropion HCL (Wellbutrin) (2x day), and 0.5 lorazepam (1x day or as needed) 05/05/14: Onset of acute Wellbutrin withdrawal symptoms after haphazard "taper" of 6-8 wks. 05/10/14: Joined this site. 05/11/14: Reinstated approx. 25 mg Wellbutrin (1x day) 05/14/14: Switched to 12.5 mg Wellbutrin (2x day) 06/28/14: Changed lorazepam dosing to .25 mg 2x a day - seems to be reducing anxiety flare-ups 07/28/14: Dosing Wellbutrin in a (home made) solution form 12.5 mg (2x day) 08/15/14: Remeron 28 25.2 22.7 20.5 18.5 16.7 15.1 13.6 mg (home made) solution 05/16/15: Have been dosing lorazepam at .5 mg in the morning, .25 mg in the afternoon, and .25 mg at bedtime. Anxiety has increased somewhat, possibly due to tolerance. Link to comment
westcoast Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 Dear Muddles, I have that same lack of connection to things around me that you describe, but not as bad. I feel like I live in a dream and all this physical reality and life issues (banking, house, even other medical stuff) are just these flimsy annoyances I should be allowed to wave away like cobwebs and continue on in my daze. Life problems have mounted and gotten more severe in my case because I don't really have anyone to help me, unless I pay people. And many I've hired have been incompetent and I've little ability to manage people these days. (I expect them to know what I mean even if I can only articulate a tenth of it.) But life goes on and we are still required to handle all the stuff we used to handle so ably. I can't say for sure that my deficits are measurable. Am thinking of getting cognitive testing done, though I don't think my insurance pays for it.I hope you find some real help with determining what's wrong--why the seizures? I also hope and pray that your brain can heal itself, even if it takes a few years or more.I'm not sure anyone knows the eventual outcomes, but it does sound like some are restored to decent functioning after a long while.Meanwhile I hope you can function at a minimal level and are eating well, and staying healthy in the ways that you CAN control.WC 2009: Cancer hospital said I had adjustment disorder because I thought they were doing it wrong. Their headshrinker prescribed Effexor, and my life set on a new course. I didn't know what was ahead, like a passenger on Disneyland's Matterhorn, smiling and waving as it climbs...clink, clink, clink. 2010: Post surgical accidental Effexor discontinuation by nurses, masked by intravenous Dilaudid. (The car is balanced at the top of the track.) I get home, pop a Vicodin, and ... Whooosh...down, down, down, down, down...goes the trajectory of my life, up goes my mood and tendency to think everything is a good idea.2012: After the bipolar jig was up, now a walking bag of unrelated symptoms, I went crazy on Daytrana (the Ritalin skin patch by Noven), because ADHD was a perfect fit for a bag of unrelated symptoms. I was prescribed Effexor for the nervousness of it, and things got neurological. An EEG showed enough activity to warrant an epilepsy diagnosis rather than non-epileptic ("psychogenic") seizures. 2013-2014: Quit everything and got worse. I probably went through DAWS: dopamine agonist withdrawal syndrome. I drank to not feel, but I felt a lot: dread, fear, regret, grief: an utter sense of total loss of everything worth breathing about, for almost two years. I was not suicidal but I wanted to be dead, at least dead to the experience of my own brain and body. 2015: I began to recover after adding virgin coconut oil and organic grass-fed fed butter to a cup of instant coffee in the morning. I did it hoping for mental acuity and better memory. After ten days of that, I was much better, mood-wise. Approximately neutral. And, I experienced drowsiness. I could sleep. Not exactly happy, I did 30 days on Wellbutrin, because it had done me no harm in the past. I don't have the DAWS mood or state of mind. It never feel like doing anything if it means standing up. In fact, I don't especially like moving. I'm a brain with a beanbag body. Link to comment
Muddles Posted August 31, 2014 Author Share Posted August 31, 2014 Thank you. I had a fit not long after starting mirtazapine along with confusion....they never questioned the drug. Wish we could all take these drug companies to court. We deserve something for this damage...although nothing could ever compensate for what we're going through. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus bubble Posted September 1, 2014 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted September 1, 2014 Dear Muddles, we are all following you and thinking about you. I see that you made the last cut almost 2 months ago. Does cutting the drug make any difference? Either good or bad? It's good that you will be examined by a neurologist but don't get surprised if they don't find anything wrong. My EEG even used to be changed but physically everything was in perfect order. Our CNS is so very powerful and when it's traumatised, this is felt all over our bodies. There were times I so wished there was something physically wrong with me, something tangible and not that phantom agony. Praying for the strength to endure till the relief comes. Everything goes away and changes, good and bad things alike. I so wish that things change for you. I remember for you your windows in May and pray that they come again and stay. I admire you for your strength and endurance. You will beat this. One day at a time. big hugs Current: 9/2022 Xanax 0.08, Lexapro 2 2020 Xanax 0.26 (down from 2 mg in 2013), Lexapro 2.85 mg (down from 5 mg 2013) Amitriptyline (tricyclic AD) and clonazepam for 3 months to treat headache in 1996 1999. - present Xanax prn up to 3 mg. 2000-2005 Prozac CT twice, 2005-2010 Zoloft CT 3 times, 2010-2013 Escitalopram 10 mg went from 2.5 to zero on 7 Aug 2013, bad crash 40 days afterreinstated to 5 mg Escitalopram 4Oct 2013 and holding liquid Xanax every 5 hours 28 Jan 2014 Xanax 1.9, 18 Apr 2015 1 mg, 25 June 2015 Lex 4.8, 6 Aug Lexapro 4.6, 1 Jan 2016 0.64 Xanax 9 month hold 24 Sept 2016 4.5 Lex, 17 Oct 4.4 Lex (Nov 0.63 Xanax, Dec 0.625 Xanax), 1 Jan 2017 4.3 Lex, 24 Jan 4.2, 5 Feb 4.1, 24 Mar 4 mg, 10 Apr 3.9 mg, May 3.85, June 3.8, July 3.75, 22 July 3.7, 15 Aug 3.65, 17 Sept 3.6, 1 Jan 2018 3.55, 19 Jan 3.5, 16 Mar 3.4, 14 Apr 3.3, 23 May 3.2, 16 June 3.15, 15 Jul 3.1, 31 Jul 3, 21 Aug 2.9 26 Sept 2.85, 14 Nov Xan 0.61, 1 Dec 0.59, 19 Dec 0.58, 4 Jan 0.565, 6 Feb 0.55, 20 Feb 0.535, 1 Mar 0.505, 10 Mar 0.475, 14 Mar 0.45, 4 Apr 0.415, 13 Apr 0.37, 21 Apr 0.33, 29 Apr 0.29, 10 May 0.27, 17 May 0.25, 28 May 0.22, 19 June 0.22, 21 Jun updose to 0.24, 24 Jun updose to 0.26 Supplements: Omega 3 + Vit E, Vit C, D, magnesium, Taurine, probiotic I'm not a medical professional. Any advice I give is based on my own experience and reading. Link to comment
WinningThrough Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 Xxxx The only way out is through. Aug 2013 - Augmentin leading to akathisia Sept-Nov 2013 - Citalopram 20mg, severe reaction, off at 5mg. Valium 4mg, prn Oct 2013 - 5 zopiclone tablets, 7.5mg End Nov 2013-end Feb 2014, Seroquel, top dose 150mg, off at 25mg End Nov 2013-early march 2014, Zoloft 100mg top dose, off at 25mg End Dec-2013-early April 2014, lorazepam 1mg prn April 3rd 2014 zoloft 5mg for a few days. 18/4/14 - zoloft, 1mg. Came off at 0.35 mg,14th June 2014 29 June 2014 - 1mg lorazepam, last ever 29 June 2014 - med free Link to comment
Muddles Posted September 2, 2014 Author Share Posted September 2, 2014 Had a glimmer of normality today that lasted for a few minutes. I went outside and could sense the changing of seasons...like I use to before drugs. I know it was only minutes but it was nice. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
andy Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 Had a glimmer of normality today that lasted for a few minutes. I went outside and could sense the changing of seasons...like I use to before drugs. I know it was only minutes but it was nice. well done thats a start of a new beginning ! 2012 put on Citalopram and diazepam for 3 months for "depression" after filling in a 3 minute form at the doctors, had a massive reaction with panic attacks and extreme anxiety,never suffered panic attacks or anxiety before citalopram.Told to quit cold turkey which led to two hospital admissions during 2012/2013 December for 6 months Seroquel dosage adjusted up and down 50mg ,150mg ,100mg, caused severe tinnitus ,told to quit cold turkey 2013 January for 12 months Lorazapam given to me like sweets,told to quit cold turkey 2013 May Zoloft for 6 months ,told to quit cold turkey, reinstated 50mg tapered 2nd time over a month (to fast but I survived)messed up my sleep Zyprexa April 2103 5mg until august 2014 ,dropped by doctor down to 2.5mg for one month went well but sleep was very poor for 3 weeks End of 2015 I had to reinstate back up to 5mg due to constant insomnia that wouldnt go away Started a slow taper and found an understanding doctor who listened to me while I reducedMay 2016 drug free, sleeping and doing well in life again, it can be done http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/12078-finally-off-zyprexa/ Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus bubble Posted September 2, 2014 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted September 2, 2014 I'm so relieved! Even seconds matter in this. At first during my awful WD, I lived off those minutes of feeling normal. A few minutes mean there are more to come... thank you for sharing it with us. Current: 9/2022 Xanax 0.08, Lexapro 2 2020 Xanax 0.26 (down from 2 mg in 2013), Lexapro 2.85 mg (down from 5 mg 2013) Amitriptyline (tricyclic AD) and clonazepam for 3 months to treat headache in 1996 1999. - present Xanax prn up to 3 mg. 2000-2005 Prozac CT twice, 2005-2010 Zoloft CT 3 times, 2010-2013 Escitalopram 10 mg went from 2.5 to zero on 7 Aug 2013, bad crash 40 days afterreinstated to 5 mg Escitalopram 4Oct 2013 and holding liquid Xanax every 5 hours 28 Jan 2014 Xanax 1.9, 18 Apr 2015 1 mg, 25 June 2015 Lex 4.8, 6 Aug Lexapro 4.6, 1 Jan 2016 0.64 Xanax 9 month hold 24 Sept 2016 4.5 Lex, 17 Oct 4.4 Lex (Nov 0.63 Xanax, Dec 0.625 Xanax), 1 Jan 2017 4.3 Lex, 24 Jan 4.2, 5 Feb 4.1, 24 Mar 4 mg, 10 Apr 3.9 mg, May 3.85, June 3.8, July 3.75, 22 July 3.7, 15 Aug 3.65, 17 Sept 3.6, 1 Jan 2018 3.55, 19 Jan 3.5, 16 Mar 3.4, 14 Apr 3.3, 23 May 3.2, 16 June 3.15, 15 Jul 3.1, 31 Jul 3, 21 Aug 2.9 26 Sept 2.85, 14 Nov Xan 0.61, 1 Dec 0.59, 19 Dec 0.58, 4 Jan 0.565, 6 Feb 0.55, 20 Feb 0.535, 1 Mar 0.505, 10 Mar 0.475, 14 Mar 0.45, 4 Apr 0.415, 13 Apr 0.37, 21 Apr 0.33, 29 Apr 0.29, 10 May 0.27, 17 May 0.25, 28 May 0.22, 19 June 0.22, 21 Jun updose to 0.24, 24 Jun updose to 0.26 Supplements: Omega 3 + Vit E, Vit C, D, magnesium, Taurine, probiotic I'm not a medical professional. Any advice I give is based on my own experience and reading. Link to comment
Meimeiquest Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 Wonderful! Alto recommended once to take pictures of things that bring or brought pleasure, and then look at them. I think it is to try to stimulate your "pleasure centers." Yes, we are all pulling for you and your family! 1st round Prozac 1989/90, clear depression symptoms. 2nd round Prozac started 1999 when admitted to dr. I was tired. Prozac pooped out, switch to Cymbalta 3/2006. Diagnosed with bipolar disorder due to mania 6/2006--then I was taken abruptly off Cymbalta and didn't know I had SSRI withdrawal. Lots of meds for my intractable "bipolar" symptoms. Zyprexa started about 9/06, mostly 5mg. Tapered 4/12 through12/29/12 Wellbutrin. XL 300 mg started 1/07, tapered 1/18/13 through 7/8/13 Oxazepam mostly continuously since 6/06, 30mg since 12/12, tapered 1.17.14 through 8.26.15 11/06 Lithium 600mg twice daily, 2.2.14 400mg TID DIY liquid, 2.12.14 1150mg, 3.2.14 1100mg, 3.18.14 1075mg, 4/14 updose to 1100mg, 6.1.14 900 mg capsules 7.8.14 810mg, 8.17.14 725mg, 8.24.24 700mg...10.22.14 487.5mg, 3.9.15 475mg, 4.1.15 462.5mg 4.21.15 450mg 8.11.15 375mg, 11.28.15 362.5mg, back to 375mg four days later, 3.4.16 updose to 475 (too much going on to risk trouble) 9/4/13 Toprol-XL 25mg daily for sudden hypertension, tapered 11.12.13 through 5.3.14, last 10 days or so switched to atenolol 7.4.14 Started Walsh Protocol 56 years old Link to comment
mlrp Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 Yes, pulling for you, Muddles! As desperate as I am right now for my own few moments of normal (this first Remeron cut is rocking my world - not in a good way), I would gladly hand them over to you - you have been walking such a rough road! I know I'm prone to emotionalism these days, but hearing about your little bit of relief made me well up for you. *~*~*I pray that more will come your way, soon, and for longer.*~*~* 04/2013 diagnoses: severe insomnia, major depressive disorder, anxiety disorder, agoraphobia. PTSD (my diagnosis) Original scripts: 30 mg mirtazapine (Remeron) (1x day), 75 mg Bupropion HCL (Wellbutrin) (2x day), and 0.5 lorazepam (1x day or as needed) 05/05/14: Onset of acute Wellbutrin withdrawal symptoms after haphazard "taper" of 6-8 wks. 05/10/14: Joined this site. 05/11/14: Reinstated approx. 25 mg Wellbutrin (1x day) 05/14/14: Switched to 12.5 mg Wellbutrin (2x day) 06/28/14: Changed lorazepam dosing to .25 mg 2x a day - seems to be reducing anxiety flare-ups 07/28/14: Dosing Wellbutrin in a (home made) solution form 12.5 mg (2x day) 08/15/14: Remeron 28 25.2 22.7 20.5 18.5 16.7 15.1 13.6 mg (home made) solution 05/16/15: Have been dosing lorazepam at .5 mg in the morning, .25 mg in the afternoon, and .25 mg at bedtime. Anxiety has increased somewhat, possibly due to tolerance. Link to comment
westcoast Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 Muddles, I am really glad to hear that. Sounds like a break in anhedonia. When I think about how easy a cheap "high" was back in the day, such as looking at flowers, and how hard it is to even care about flowers now, I realize how much the drugs have changed my nervous system. But I guess we have to keep appreciating the little windows we get, and noticing them, and maybe a little "hedonia" will establish itself as a habit. 2009: Cancer hospital said I had adjustment disorder because I thought they were doing it wrong. Their headshrinker prescribed Effexor, and my life set on a new course. I didn't know what was ahead, like a passenger on Disneyland's Matterhorn, smiling and waving as it climbs...clink, clink, clink. 2010: Post surgical accidental Effexor discontinuation by nurses, masked by intravenous Dilaudid. (The car is balanced at the top of the track.) I get home, pop a Vicodin, and ... Whooosh...down, down, down, down, down...goes the trajectory of my life, up goes my mood and tendency to think everything is a good idea.2012: After the bipolar jig was up, now a walking bag of unrelated symptoms, I went crazy on Daytrana (the Ritalin skin patch by Noven), because ADHD was a perfect fit for a bag of unrelated symptoms. I was prescribed Effexor for the nervousness of it, and things got neurological. An EEG showed enough activity to warrant an epilepsy diagnosis rather than non-epileptic ("psychogenic") seizures. 2013-2014: Quit everything and got worse. I probably went through DAWS: dopamine agonist withdrawal syndrome. I drank to not feel, but I felt a lot: dread, fear, regret, grief: an utter sense of total loss of everything worth breathing about, for almost two years. I was not suicidal but I wanted to be dead, at least dead to the experience of my own brain and body. 2015: I began to recover after adding virgin coconut oil and organic grass-fed fed butter to a cup of instant coffee in the morning. I did it hoping for mental acuity and better memory. After ten days of that, I was much better, mood-wise. Approximately neutral. And, I experienced drowsiness. I could sleep. Not exactly happy, I did 30 days on Wellbutrin, because it had done me no harm in the past. I don't have the DAWS mood or state of mind. It never feel like doing anything if it means standing up. In fact, I don't especially like moving. I'm a brain with a beanbag body. Link to comment
Muddles Posted September 2, 2014 Author Share Posted September 2, 2014 Yes west coat...normal folk take all of this for granted. I use to be over-sensitive...certain smells or songs would bring be overpowing emotions. One day I hope I will do that again. Thank you for all of your kind words. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
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