crazykatie Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 Muddles, Glad you're still fighting. Just remind yourself it's only temporary n you still have plenty of clear n healthy years ahead you. I have to stick to bland for the most part too. N I eat in very small portions. It prevents me from getting sick. Wishing you well!! Was on antidepressants on and off from 2000-2007 dx with MDD n anxiety. 2009- had like a physical breakdown. Was exhausted n not functioning properly. Still have depression n had become suicidal. Shrink dx bipolar while I never had a single manic episode. I got at least 8-9 hours of sleep every night. I required that to function since a child. I was admitted to the psych ward immediately. Was then put on a cocktail. Lithium, lamotrigine, wellbutrin, prozac, depakote, Xanax, trazadone and ritalin. Went through over 50 shock treatments n put on Invega in addition Spring 2014, made the decision to try to get off some meds. 11 weeks ago I qt quit invega 10/6 reinstated 150 mg of Wellbutrin I currently take 40 mg of prozac, 300 mg of lamotrigine, 1 mg of Xanax, 150 mg of trazadone I am down from three medications. The forementioned others that I was initially put on I stopped prior to 2014. I am hoping to be med free one day. I do not have any intention of stopping the current ones right now. I'm going to give my body a little more time to adjust. Progress not perfection!! Link to comment
Muddles Posted October 15, 2014 Author Share Posted October 15, 2014 Thank you! Have been hit by a cold which just seems to make everything a hundred times worse...just want to be in bed but its impossible. Went to have my hair done today - couldn't have what I wanted as allergic to hair dye :-( Feel a bit more human now my hair looks a bit better - lost loads of it and it looked awful! I did tell my hairdresser about what's happened to me and she was so shocked. She got upset as her mother has been on antidepressants for 5 years and is still depresssed and apathetic. She said she was pleased I had told her as she now thinks its the drugs that is affecting her moods and behaviour. There was also another girl in there that had just started an ssri for anxiety. I do hope she took on what I was saying about these drugs and stopped them before it was too late. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
mlrp Posted October 15, 2014 Share Posted October 15, 2014 Just checking in, Muddles. WHAT you have been through - my God! I hope that the tiny bits of improvement I'm sensing in you (even while knowing how really tiny they must feel, and how fleeting they can be) are giving me hope that you are heading in the right direction. You were sooo kind to give me a brummie greeting the other day. Oh, golly, I know just how you feel - nearly everything you write. My symptoms don't seem to be as relentlessly ongoing or extreme as yours, but the details, the agony, and the frustration are all things I know intimately well. I can remember a time, not so long ago, shopping at the Bullring on a holiday, going ga-ga at Selfridges and trying things on at Monsoon, etc. And now, I can't even get in touch with that woman - can't connect at all to the experiences that I used to LOVE - and it's so painful, how unreal it all seems. It hurts so much just to type this. But I'm not here to emphasize the negative - just to commiserate a bit, and mostly to CHEER you on. Like others have said, if I could take each and every one of us and make this horror as if it had never been, I would. My heart aches wanting to be able to do that. And, girl, I have to admit I love hearing your righteous anger - and that of others. I don't want any of us to wallow in negativity or carry bitterness that will only weigh us down further, but this is an anger crying out for justice. Years of our lives stolen. We're going to recover, though. Someone (Bubble? sorry if I'm misremembering) said that we do have the blessing that our dis-ease has a prognosis for improvement (if it doesn't kill us first, right?) and that is one of the things I hold on to. But who is going to give us back the time lost? What always, always amazes me is how similar we all sound. Different drugs, different protocols, different periods of time drugged, but the symptoms are all so eff-ing similar. I hate being part of this club, and I would wish this on no one (except the culprits - we know who they are) but I am so utterly grateful there are others who know, who understand, who believe. They really are b4st4rds who did this. God bless you, and keep you strong. 04/2013 diagnoses: severe insomnia, major depressive disorder, anxiety disorder, agoraphobia. PTSD (my diagnosis) Original scripts: 30 mg mirtazapine (Remeron) (1x day), 75 mg Bupropion HCL (Wellbutrin) (2x day), and 0.5 lorazepam (1x day or as needed) 05/05/14: Onset of acute Wellbutrin withdrawal symptoms after haphazard "taper" of 6-8 wks. 05/10/14: Joined this site. 05/11/14: Reinstated approx. 25 mg Wellbutrin (1x day) 05/14/14: Switched to 12.5 mg Wellbutrin (2x day) 06/28/14: Changed lorazepam dosing to .25 mg 2x a day - seems to be reducing anxiety flare-ups 07/28/14: Dosing Wellbutrin in a (home made) solution form 12.5 mg (2x day) 08/15/14: Remeron 28 25.2 22.7 20.5 18.5 16.7 15.1 13.6 mg (home made) solution 05/16/15: Have been dosing lorazepam at .5 mg in the morning, .25 mg in the afternoon, and .25 mg at bedtime. Anxiety has increased somewhat, possibly due to tolerance. Link to comment
Muddles Posted October 17, 2014 Author Share Posted October 17, 2014 Thank you mlrp. I'm so grateful for you stopping by. I think I am hitting withdrawal now....kind of hitting me in different ways and I don't like it. I'm scared right now. I don't know what to expect. The past year has been hell. I have had a better few weeks since ditching the poison but have hit a brick wall today. A whole new deal. To think this may take a very, very long time just grieves me. I pray every night for this not to get any worse. But I don't think the big guy is going to answer my constant pleads....I think I have just begun the roller coaster of what they call protracted withdrawel syndrome. I just hope I find some strength from somewhere....I'm tired of all this now...I just want 'normal'. Thinking of you mlrp...hold tight. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
Muddles Posted October 18, 2014 Author Share Posted October 18, 2014 Oh god - akathisia is back. I can't cope with this torture not knowing how long it will go on for...I can't. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
Muddles Posted October 18, 2014 Author Share Posted October 18, 2014 Don't want to do this anymore. Suffered too much and now this - for what? To be anhedonic for the rest of my life...I'm distraught...it's too much now. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
crazykatie Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 Hi Muddles, You hang in there sweetie! Being sick doesn't help by any means. Do NOT give up. I believe in you. I pray for you and several others every night. Funny about the hairdresser. I went to the ER yesterday bc I had shooting pains from my hip all the way into my calf. I was talking to the nurse about psych meds and being over medicated. She said that the psych hospital across the street sends their patients to them all the time for being lethargic and side effects. The hospital takes them off and send them back to the psych hospital and it just starts a circle. She said her mom was dx bipolar and doesn't think her mother is. She also stated that she had lost her mom to the meds. So sad!! Keep fighting. Ill keep praying. Was on antidepressants on and off from 2000-2007 dx with MDD n anxiety. 2009- had like a physical breakdown. Was exhausted n not functioning properly. Still have depression n had become suicidal. Shrink dx bipolar while I never had a single manic episode. I got at least 8-9 hours of sleep every night. I required that to function since a child. I was admitted to the psych ward immediately. Was then put on a cocktail. Lithium, lamotrigine, wellbutrin, prozac, depakote, Xanax, trazadone and ritalin. Went through over 50 shock treatments n put on Invega in addition Spring 2014, made the decision to try to get off some meds. 11 weeks ago I qt quit invega 10/6 reinstated 150 mg of Wellbutrin I currently take 40 mg of prozac, 300 mg of lamotrigine, 1 mg of Xanax, 150 mg of trazadone I am down from three medications. The forementioned others that I was initially put on I stopped prior to 2014. I am hoping to be med free one day. I do not have any intention of stopping the current ones right now. I'm going to give my body a little more time to adjust. Progress not perfection!! Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Petunia Posted October 19, 2014 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted October 19, 2014 Its not going to be for the rest of your life, you will recover and this will all be behind you. This current wave will pass too. Focus on one day at a time, each day you get through is one step closer to recovery. I'm not a doctor. My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one. My Introduction Thread Full Drug and Withdrawal History Brief Summary Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects 2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010 Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal) May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins. Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens. Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days. April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close. VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from? VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made? VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes? VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects? VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 Will pray for you also xx I think your very strong xx 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
btdt Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 Having a cold and a wave at the same time is a double whammy it makes everything worse. I am the same way with dye and having my hair fall out. It seems to me it has little stints of falling every now and then. I now use scent free products as even shampoo and soap were causing a reaction... I stopped using moisturizers a long time ago as I can't find one that does not cause a reaction either to scent or breakouts from the product itself. Try to be extra kind to yourself whenever and wherever you can. I know this experience takes away a lot of the good things in life and takes away a lot of our choices too I think this makes the the seemingly small choices we do get to make all that much more important. I am wishing you peace. WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
Muddles Posted October 19, 2014 Author Share Posted October 19, 2014 Thanks for the prayers and kind words. Seem to get a bit better once I've got up...managed to do a lot around the house as I've had that awful nervous energy..couldn't keep still and then I burnt out! Btdt - the one thing I noticed when I had a cold was that the intrusive thoughts had stopped, so strange. Back with avengance now though! Thanks for dropping by. Hope your sickness has gone now? 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
btdt Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 Still have it.. Once when I was in hard withdrawal and was ill I took cold fx and felt oddly better I was scared to keep taking it... I tried it again yesterday the extra strength one as why take three pills when I could take one. I felt some strange goings on in my spine I did feel better but it all came back in a few hours. I wonder how that one works supposedly it is ginsing may look it up more later not sure if I will take anymore or not. WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
btdt Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 If you can get outside it.. by seeing it as a dysfunction of your brain and not anything real.. that is what I learned in the power of now book there is a part of the brain that just runs like a computer program and it can get a glitch. Paying attention to it makes it more real suggested there....wait for ..watch for the next thought ... when it comes go back to waiting watching for the next thought. For me this gave separation... I was not the thought I was the watcher... not the thinker. of two minds ...if your in it you can't see or control it... WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
Muddles Posted October 19, 2014 Author Share Posted October 19, 2014 Wow btdt...such an excellent way to look at it. I will look into this book. Thank you very much. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
crazykatie Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 Glad you're doing better Muddles! Every little bit of relief is a positive step forward!! Keep up the hard work!! Praying for you. Was on antidepressants on and off from 2000-2007 dx with MDD n anxiety. 2009- had like a physical breakdown. Was exhausted n not functioning properly. Still have depression n had become suicidal. Shrink dx bipolar while I never had a single manic episode. I got at least 8-9 hours of sleep every night. I required that to function since a child. I was admitted to the psych ward immediately. Was then put on a cocktail. Lithium, lamotrigine, wellbutrin, prozac, depakote, Xanax, trazadone and ritalin. Went through over 50 shock treatments n put on Invega in addition Spring 2014, made the decision to try to get off some meds. 11 weeks ago I qt quit invega 10/6 reinstated 150 mg of Wellbutrin I currently take 40 mg of prozac, 300 mg of lamotrigine, 1 mg of Xanax, 150 mg of trazadone I am down from three medications. The forementioned others that I was initially put on I stopped prior to 2014. I am hoping to be med free one day. I do not have any intention of stopping the current ones right now. I'm going to give my body a little more time to adjust. Progress not perfection!! Link to comment
btdt Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 Wow btdt...such an excellent way to look at it. I will look into this book. Thank you very much. I am not saying it will be easy it took a lot of practice but it was a God send when I found that book I told everyone about in m real and online life.. they likely think me mad I don't mind. The author was being tortured by thoughts and was ready to end it all when becoming the watcher came to him. I really worked the crap out of this concept and am sure I was OCD about it...but it became automatic for a good long time. Then I did not need it and lost the power ability now when needed I have to work at it again. I hope it helps you peace ps some of how effective it is may be timing I wonder if it would have been as helpful in early withdrawal as I found it later...not sure but I think I was where you are when I found it. WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
Muddles Posted October 20, 2014 Author Share Posted October 20, 2014 btdt - did you have crippling depression. This has started again for me and its hell on earth. Mind and body torture. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
btdt Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 I came to know it as low serotonin type depression or withdrawal depression unlike anything I had known before it is different isn't it. Sure is not the blues sort of thing where you want to sing a sad song is it. Yes I had it and think it too comes and goes but there was a long spell of especially dark bleakness negativity that I thought I would never shake I more got use to it than got over it. Oddly enough it seems about the time I started to notice I was once again looking forward to things like xmass bam had a car accident and went back to square one due to drugs I had to take. I could swear here but won't. It is so frustrating. That was in 2012 so 5 years off. I am not saying the deep negativity stayed that long it didn't it stayed a good long spell months then windows came it was like every other withdrawal symptom in the window wave healing pattern. I would say the symptoms are changeable in the course of withdrawal they spin around and click back in another spot just like that old rubics cube. Any number of withdrawal symptoms can drop down at any time and with various degree of intensities it can be something you had already or something new. It can follow a pattern (as in timeline) if it is old or set a new pattern if it is something new. The first drop on that sort of depression was long a few months maybe 3 and it did not let up all at one time it eased and gradually shifted over time only to come back. I think it is just the healing pattern of our brains but I am sure many give up at this time and take more drugs if I could have I may have but I was already reacting is serious ways to ever drug that went into my mouth. So I accepted it and learned to put on a face for the outside world as I dealt with it best I could and in a long time 5 years time I was looking forward to xmass. I was not my old self was not rounding people up to go caroling like I have done... but I was thinking getting the tree down and decorating it was maybe something I could do. We have not had a xmass tree in years now. I know bah humbug of us..... WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
Muddles Posted October 22, 2014 Author Share Posted October 22, 2014 Thanks bdtd. I did have a bit of a break from it yesterday...managed to get quite a lot done around the house. Bam - back in the hell today, along with a feeling really heavy head pressure/headache and toxic feeling and vision. Very fatigued. I am bleeding when I shouldn't be so I think my hormones are totally out of whack which is obviously not helping depression. I am sensitive to any hormonal changes. Pregnancy and post natal was not easy for me but I got through it. This is not easy. I stopped the birth control contraceptive months ago. Maybe I need to look into natural hormonal cream?? 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
Muddles Posted October 22, 2014 Author Share Posted October 22, 2014 Sorry to hear you don't put up a Xmas tree. I will have no choice but to. My husband and children love Xmas....I did too. :-( 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
Muddles Posted October 22, 2014 Author Share Posted October 22, 2014 What is this terrible head pain/pressure? It doesn't feel like a normal headache. A terrible pressure. I'm not if I should take pain killers. They made me feel sick the last time I took them. I had a MRI last week. I don't suppose that will show up anything. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 Sorry you are struggling, muddles x 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Wildflower0214 Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 Thinking about you and praying for you. I get the weird sinus pressure headache stuff. It comes and goes. It's bizzarre. I hope it passes. I can't take anything to help mine, anything seems to mess me up in some way. Hope healing is on its way., 2005-Zoloft bad reaction.....2006-Lexepro......2012-Upped Lexepro.......2013-Upped Lexepro......2/2014- Attempted Taper Lexepro...2/2014- Updosed Lexepro.......3/2014-Ativan.....5/2014- CT switch from Lexpro to Effexor..... 5/2014-7/2014-Tapered Ativan from 1mg to .25mg.....6/2014-Bad reaction to Effexor........7/2014- Rapid taper Effexor every other day......7/5/2014- Off Effexor.......7/2014-12/2014 - Ativan .25mg.......12/25/2014 -Taper Ativan by 4% due to paradoxical reaction .24mg...11/18/2015-Taper Ativan 1% CURRENTLY ON: .2376mg Ativan taken in 6 .0396mg doses. Link to comment
Muddles Posted October 22, 2014 Author Share Posted October 22, 2014 Thank you. Just feeling that terrible toxic depression. I can't even take comfort from food anymore because I have reactions to pretty much everything. Horrible thoughts again...it's just so much everyday. I am scared. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
Wildflower0214 Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 I have reactions too Muddles!! It's too complicated to even try to find what's causing it, and my reactions cause me mood problems, my lotion just gave me a rash! I feel for you! You will get through this!!! You will! We will damn it! We will! Believe it. I'm scared with you, but just get a vision of the other side of this and hang on to it for dear life! 2005-Zoloft bad reaction.....2006-Lexepro......2012-Upped Lexepro.......2013-Upped Lexepro......2/2014- Attempted Taper Lexepro...2/2014- Updosed Lexepro.......3/2014-Ativan.....5/2014- CT switch from Lexpro to Effexor..... 5/2014-7/2014-Tapered Ativan from 1mg to .25mg.....6/2014-Bad reaction to Effexor........7/2014- Rapid taper Effexor every other day......7/5/2014- Off Effexor.......7/2014-12/2014 - Ativan .25mg.......12/25/2014 -Taper Ativan by 4% due to paradoxical reaction .24mg...11/18/2015-Taper Ativan 1% CURRENTLY ON: .2376mg Ativan taken in 6 .0396mg doses. Link to comment
Muddles Posted October 22, 2014 Author Share Posted October 22, 2014 Thank you so much for cheering me on. It means so much - the support I get from you guys. As you all know...it's such a lonely place to be. I have (or did) a lot of people around me but at the moment it's hard to be around anyone. I have had better days and need to remember that. Thanks again. I am always thinking of you all. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
Wildflower0214 Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 You are most welcome! We all need it. I understand it's hard to be around people. I have isolated because of this. I can only be around my mom when I'm bad off. But, there will be a better day, hour..etc soon! I know you can't see beyond your own nose right now, and I feel similarly, it just came out of nowhere. Just hang the hell on!!! 2005-Zoloft bad reaction.....2006-Lexepro......2012-Upped Lexepro.......2013-Upped Lexepro......2/2014- Attempted Taper Lexepro...2/2014- Updosed Lexepro.......3/2014-Ativan.....5/2014- CT switch from Lexpro to Effexor..... 5/2014-7/2014-Tapered Ativan from 1mg to .25mg.....6/2014-Bad reaction to Effexor........7/2014- Rapid taper Effexor every other day......7/5/2014- Off Effexor.......7/2014-12/2014 - Ativan .25mg.......12/25/2014 -Taper Ativan by 4% due to paradoxical reaction .24mg...11/18/2015-Taper Ativan 1% CURRENTLY ON: .2376mg Ativan taken in 6 .0396mg doses. Link to comment
btdt Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 Sorry to hear you don't put up a Xmas tree. I will have no choice but to. My husband and children love Xmas....I did too. :-( Yes it use to be such a blessing to have all that happiness around was one of my fav times. I think part of the decline was the lack of energy. Comparing to past times too all just a bad scene. Maybe this year for a long time it all seemed pointless. I am glad you have kids and husband that love a tree maybe it will mean you always have a trea :0 WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
btdt Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 Thanks bdtd. I did have a bit of a break from it yesterday...managed to get quite a lot done around the house. Bam - back in the hell today, along with a feeling really heavy head pressure/headache and toxic feeling and vision. Very fatigued. I am bleeding when I shouldn't be so I think my hormones are totally out of whack which is obviously not helping depression. I am sensitive to any hormonal changes. Pregnancy and post natal was not easy for me but I got through it. This is not easy. I stopped the birth control contraceptive months ago. Maybe I need to look into natural hormonal cream?? ugh the headaches the sinus problems I can't recall exactly when but there was a time I took Advil for that just one oddly enough it seemed to help with brain fog. I generally don't take advil ever but did for a long time take one every morning to get thru the brain fog sinus is another bit of the plague. I have tried oil pulling at one time thought it helpful... not so sure really now. Netty pot never seemed to do much for the sinus and the last time I used it the water seemed to go to my ear then had a pain in the back of my head. Never touched it again took months for that pain to go away. Apple cider vinegar in pot heated and breathing in the steam helped. I was told to do it full strength just the vinegar Yes BRAGGS lol everyone swears by this brand. I found without water it burns but it did help. Tons of antibiotics for sinus infection and various nasal sprays. Steroid nasal sprays I have use many and some without steroids. It continues but is not like it use to be I know exactly what your talking about. Hot and cold compresses around sinus areas helped ease the pain. Tried a salt water spray things seemed to have a lot of pressure was not a fan as to me it seemed to push things in further that I wanted out. In all fairness the MRI I had did show sinus infection ... some brain changes often seen in migraine sufferers since I get them they left it at that... also other causes ... WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
Muddles Posted October 23, 2014 Author Share Posted October 23, 2014 Thanks btdt. I'm not quite sure if it is sinus pain...just terrible head pressure constantly, especially after eating with terrible visual problems. MRI is normal as I thought it would be. Today I haven't stopped crying...it just won't stop. The depression is unbearable - nothing comes close. It's hell, and I'm not quite sure how I can carry on like this. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
Muddles Posted October 23, 2014 Author Share Posted October 23, 2014 My fathers ashes are being scattered in his hometown Saturday. I cannot go. I cannot even connect to him...lost any emotional connection to him altogether. Like he never existed. This is just not right. It's screwing me up. What has happened to my brain? 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
Muddles Posted October 23, 2014 Author Share Posted October 23, 2014 I'm scared I'll get pyschosis. I don't feel well. What would happen? I can't have any drugs. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
mattinsmom Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 Breathe deeply. I know that you have been in this desperate place for a long time now - and it probably does feel like forever for you - but it will pass. You are in my prayers. Current: Lorazapam: 2mg: 4/9/15: 2mg - 1.5mg: already sick/nothing noticed. No changes in sleep noted after illness. Lamictal: 7/27/13 - 8/6/13: 400mg - 500mg(dr order) mouth sores, headache, cognitive/balance, heart palp...8/7/13 - 8/23/13: 500mg - 400mg; symptoms↓...10/10/13: 350mg; fever/flu-like <2-weeks...12/30/13: 325mg; fever/flu-like symptoms <1-week...2/10/17: 300mg; no significant changes noted. Discontinued: Omeprazole: 09/2103 40mg...5/1/14: 20mg... 8/21/14 = 0 Wellbutrin: 11/22/13: 300mg – 225mg...12/6/13 delayed reaction- mood swings, weight↓, heart palp/chest pain, alerting...12/14/13: 187mg; physical symptoms↓, neuro emotions ↑, weight stable...12/20/13: 225mg; physical symptoms return, emotions stable <1-week, weight↓...4/21/14: 187mg; weight↑...5/17/14 (neurologist ordered discontinue asap):168mg; headache, mood swings, ↑weight, sleep flux...5/24/14: 150mg; headache, mood swings, ↓cognitive/balance...6/2/14: 112mg; see above, weight stable, <3-weeks... 6/28/14: 100mg; moody...7/25/14: 87.5mg; family troubles... 8/4/14: 75mg; headaches; moody... 8/9/14: 50mg headaches... 8/12/14: 37.5mg; 8/17/14: 25mg...8/26/14 = 0 Hydroxyzine; 10mg: 5/20/15 *prn 4/5 times then dc'd. Mood changes/rage Buspirone: 7.5mg: 5/20/15 *prn 4/5 times then dc'd. No changes. Link to comment
Muddles Posted October 25, 2014 Author Share Posted October 25, 2014 Thank you mm. Pleased to see you are in a better place now. 2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription. Severe adverse reaction Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on. Poop out - December 2013 15mg Currently on 13.5mg, April 12mg May 10th - 11mg June 10th - 10mg July 8th - 9mg September - 0mg Link to comment
Wildflower0214 Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 I'm in a sh*thole myself. Restless and battling insomnia. You are not alone. Hold your nerve. 2005-Zoloft bad reaction.....2006-Lexepro......2012-Upped Lexepro.......2013-Upped Lexepro......2/2014- Attempted Taper Lexepro...2/2014- Updosed Lexepro.......3/2014-Ativan.....5/2014- CT switch from Lexpro to Effexor..... 5/2014-7/2014-Tapered Ativan from 1mg to .25mg.....6/2014-Bad reaction to Effexor........7/2014- Rapid taper Effexor every other day......7/5/2014- Off Effexor.......7/2014-12/2014 - Ativan .25mg.......12/25/2014 -Taper Ativan by 4% due to paradoxical reaction .24mg...11/18/2015-Taper Ativan 1% CURRENTLY ON: .2376mg Ativan taken in 6 .0396mg doses. Link to comment
Miami1 Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 Muddles ; hang in there I'm just few days from month 5. The chemical depression is horrific but it will ease with time. I still get it and it's still bad but not as bad and shorter periods. This is really tough but your going to get through this! Miami 2006 til May2013Lunesta 3mg. Cross to xanax.25mg 6/2013. stopXanax C/T oct 2 for 27 days. reinstate with Valium end of oct taper.rehab taper too fast began up-dosing to stabilize. Nov19 cross over to Librium plus low dose remoron as needed for sleep. nov20 switched to .25 klon 0.125 twice. lib causing depression as well as Val.11/24/13 klon cuasing hives 11/26/13 dr put me back on Librium 25g.11/30Lib 20mg.12/4 15mgLib -12/7 14mg lib. 12/12 13mg lib12/12 rehab 12/16/13 last dose 12/31/13 out of rehab Remeron jan6/14 3.75mg 2/.8/14 stop rem ct@3.75mg -Back on rem 1.87mg 2/21/14 May2,) 8mg @ 8:30pm& .2 @ 9:30pm -May 22 @ .9 mg May 31was my last dose of 0.9 remeron Link to comment
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