Sunflower414: medicated at age 7, now 27

[Cheeky]

Hey @Sunflower414

I agree with @brassmonkeyyou can try to see how you’re going . I’m currently doing that and it seems not so harsh . 

[Sunflower414]

Thanks @brassmonkey. I am going to email that over to her -- I really appreciate you taking the time to share that link with me. This will be helpful for her to see!

& also thanks @Cheeky as you are always very helpful. I'm glad a lower version of the brassmonkey slide is working well for you. I am praying and hoping after this hold, my small tapers go much better than before. I will keep everyone updated. 

[Sunflower414]

Update — I got married, we had to take four separate flights and I did it! I barely had any anxiety or withdrawal, I was so happy. It was an answered prayer. I let myself enjoy married life for a few weeks. This week, I’m going to drop from 12.1mg to 12mg just to test out how a super small drop goes. Hoping I barely feel it and can try a version of the brass monkey slide. 

[Cheeky]

28 minutes ago, Sunflower414 said:

Update — I got married, we had to take four separate flights and I did it! I barely had any anxiety or withdrawal, I was so happy. It was an answered prayer. I let myself enjoy married life for a few weeks. This week, I’m going to drop from 12.1mg to 12mg just to test out how a super small drop goes. Hoping I barely feel it and can try a version of the brass monkey slide. 

Wow congrats , how wonderful you felt great in that time and could enjoy it . 
Good idea about the same drop , just see how  You go 

[Sunflower414]

Dropped from 12.1mg to 12mg today fingers crossed.

[Greatful]

@Sunflower414  Congratulations on the marriage.  Sending extra encouragement on this next drop.

[Aveju]

Congratulations on your marriage!!! 
I am so happy to read that you were able to enjoy a few weeks of newly married life 😀. I hope that the reduction to 12 mg goes very smoothly for you!

[Sunflower414]

Thanks everyone 🤍 is it normal to have symptoms from a 1% drop? 

[Sunflower414]

This is day four of a 1% drops. My symptoms seem the same from when I do a 3% drop. I was praying it would be more mild and tolerable but it seems the same. Is this normal? Is it normal to have such severe reactions after holding for three months and then dropping only 1%? Do I continue dropping 1% each week to do a brassmonkey slide or hold again? I am feeling defeated and unsure how to move forward.

[getofflex]

21 hours ago, Sunflower414 said:

This is day four of a 1% drops. My symptoms seem the same from when I do a 3% drop. I was praying it would be more mild and tolerable but it seems the same. Is this normal? Is it normal to have such severe reactions after holding for three months and then dropping only 1%? Do I continue dropping 1% each week to do a brassmonkey slide or hold again? I am feeling defeated and unsure how to move forward.

I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling symptoms from a 1% drop. I know that must be frustrating. 

 

Did you miss any doses, and are you measuring your doses accurately?  Are you taking your doses at the same time each day?  

 

Have you been drinking alcohol, or using any other mind altering substances?  

 

On 8/27/2023 at 4:21 PM, Sunflower414 said:

Update — I got married, we had to take four separate flights and I did it!

Congratulations on getting married!  That's fantastic!  Taking 4 flights is quite a lot of stress for your system to handle.  And, as wonderful as getting married is, that is also a major life change, and also stressful for your system.  It is pretty likely that this stress is destabilizing your nervous system.  Stress definitely still causes an uptick in symptoms for me.  If it were me, I would updose back up to 12.1 mg, and stay there for a while, as in several months.  Give yourself a chance to rest after all these changes and this traveling.  Then, I would resume tapering.  

 

 

Edited September 3, 2023 by getofflex

[Sunflower414]

@getofflex thanks for the congrats! I’m glad I was able to enjoy it.

 

it is very frustrating. I just held for about three months and was feeling really well which is why I decided to do the 1% drop to test it out. I was thinking I might not even feel anything, so the fact that it feels like a large drop is disheartening. 
 

I haven’t missed any doses and do take it at the same time everyday. Why would such a small drop cause such havoc? It’s hard because I know tapering is uncomfortable but I’m not sure how much withdrawal is normal and what is “too much”. But if I can’t do 1% without feeling awful maybe this is just how all my tapers are going to be? I’m not too sure. I don’t mind holding if that’s what is needed, but I did just hold for 3 months. I don’t want to keep holding if I just have to somehow deal with this withdrawal. I don’t know if that makes any sense. I feel a bit stuck and not sure what to do.

[getofflex]

13 hours ago, Sunflower414 said:

it is very frustrating. I just held for about three months and was feeling really well which is why I decided to do the 1% drop to test it out. I was thinking I might not even feel anything, so the fact that it feels like a large drop is disheartening. 

Yes, I can very much understand why you are frustrated.  I would be too, if I were in your shoes.  

 

I believe that the stress from the intense traveling and getting married is pretty likely to be the cause of this.  Stress causes adrenaline and cortisol to be produced in our bodies.  In a system already destabilized by tapering and WD, our bodies and brains overreact to these chemicals our body produces, and this can ramp up WD significantly.  It still does for me, even though I tapered super slowly in 2020 through 2022, and am now 14 months off all drugs.  

 

As I said above, I would hold for a while, and wait until you and your new husband have settled in a good routine, and your nervous system settles down again.  We suggest not reducing again until your system has been stable for at least 2 weeks.  This may take several months, but you will be glad you did.  It's just not worth the suffering.  

 

Stability

[Sunflower414]

Thanks @getofflex I appreciate your advice. I just don’t know how stable is stable enough to taper. I thought I was very stable after that three months hold but you are right that maybe the external factors made it more difficult to taper. I just fear that I will just keep holding and holding and never be free of this drug. I feel like I’ve held quite a few times… I did get much better, but I don’t know if the following tapers were easier. If you hold long enough would the taper be more mild? 
 

how are you doing so far out from your last dosage? Congrats again

[getofflex]

2 hours ago, Sunflower414 said:

If you hold long enough would the taper be more mild?

Yes, I believe there is a very good chance the taper will be milder if you hold.  

 

2 hours ago, Sunflower414 said:

how are you doing so far out from your last dosage? Congrats again

Thank you!  I'm very slowly improving.  Still having some symptoms.  Sleep is wonky off and on, neuro emotions, mild DP/DR, but I'm so much better than I was years ago, so I'm optimistic I will continue to improve.    

[Sunflower414]

Thank you @getofflex I will hold for awhile longer. That's great! Are your days more manageable and is life worth living where you are at? ❤️ 

[Rosetta]

Hi, Sunflower,

 

I almost never have intrusive thoughts now.  I had them for decades!  You will get rid of them someday.  I hope you can remember that.  This is all temporary — all of it!

 

🧚‍♀️Rosetta

[Sunflower414]

Thank you @Rosetta

 

i am feeling extremely defeated today, very depressed. I don’t see a way out and feel trapped on this medication and in this situation. If I can’t lower by 1%, how would I ever be off of this medication? My mom suggests just getting to 10mg and staying on it. I do not want to stay on any, but I don’t even know how I would get down to 10mg. Does anyone have advice what to do when you feel trapped and hopeless about the medication situation?

[Happy2Heal]

3 hours ago, Sunflower414 said:

Does anyone have advice what to do when you feel trapped and hopeless about the medication situation?

I kind of do...

I doubt it's what you want to hear though

 

I haven't read your entire thread but it does make me sad to see that you were medicated so young, only 7....? wow, I will have to find the time to read thru why and how that happened

 

but for now, what encourages me a LOT is that you're still quite young!

I know 20 yrs on any med is a long time, and many med changes too, not good nor fun.

You got off xanax in 2018, good for you!! 

so you've been working at this for some time

 

I am 67. I was on psych meds (many different kinds, mostly in very high doses, with lots of CTs and cold switches) from age 18 til I finally tapered off (sort of- I did it all wrong and I suffered a LOT because of that- I was too impatient!)

I've been off all psych meds officially since 2017.

Even though I got to zero on the lexapro at that point, my withdrawal symptoms lingered for a few more years. I thought I was fully recovered long before I actually was- I was just so relieved to be able to live my life as I wished that I didn't notice a lot of the little things that were still not healed.. until they suddenly were! and then, well I was just overjoyed all over again that things kept getting better!

 

my point is, there's no reason to rush this! none whatsoever. You are going to get there, you are going to be fully healed at some point and your brain is basically in charge of what that will happen.

getting off the drug faster is not going to cause you to recover faster

 

you FEEL stuck but you're not. You've made HUGE changes in the past few years, you've gotten off a benzo and you've reduced you paxil down to a very low dose.

 

You've also made huge changes in your life, CONGRATULATIONS on getting married! sounds like it was quite the thing with 4 flights involved!

 

I've been on this site now since 2015. I've read a lot of the threads and most of the Success Stories, and it's super clear to me that the folks who  get thru WD recovery with the least symptoms and the least upset to their daily lives (some with almost no symptoms!) are the ones who go super super slow.

I wish I had been able to do that, because I suffered terribly. 

 

I did the math (or rather, the math was done for me and I just read it LOL there's a table on here somewhere that shows how long it takes to reduce your dose til you're at zero)

if I had followed that advice, I would have been at zero roughly around the time when my brain actually was mostly recovered!

I may have been off the drug completely but my brain still had a lot of work left to do to heal.

 

I actually still find things that are improving NOW, 6 yrs after getting to zero (too quickly- did I mention that? I went way too fast LOL)

 

Everyone is different, this is true.
Sadly from what I've read paxil is an especially difficult drug to get off of, it tends to really stick with you. It's the reason that this site exists, it's the drug that Alto got off of... and her recovery took a very long time.

 

but she's fully recovered and you will get there too.

 

If your brain is telling you that you need to hold, just hold.

You are not addicted to this drug like a junkie addicted to something that gets them high- your body is just so used to having it, it needs time to adjust to it leaving. and when I say body of course I mean primarily your brain, but that affects your whole body.

In all sorts of ways.

our bodies are marvelous in the way they heal themselves but also in how intricate and complicated they are.

 

Try not to let your feelings and thoughts about this process override what your brain and body is saying to you about what it needs

 

As far what is stable enough..?
I think if you're asking, you're not there yet. Just my opinion, take it for what it's worth (it was free, so does that make it worthless? I don't know lol)

 

so while you may feel trapped because your body needs more time, and you want OFF!! and believe me, if anyone gets that it's me LOL you see what I did, and it wasn't pretty!

you may feel stuck but it is NOT at all hopeless and there is NO reason to feel that way!

it is extremely hopeful, given all that you've done already!!

 

there is no prize for getting to zero before your brain is ready. 

 

I hope your brain settles down soon and lets you know when it's time to proceed

I don't know if dropping down by 1/2 of a percent is even possible but maybe that might help? I mean, when you are ready.

 

 

hang in there, kiddo, you are doing great!

you'll get to the finish and you'll have your entire life ahead of you still.

 

 
I am very happy for you that you were able to make this decision at such a young age. 

as far as the anger goes, I am not sure what to say- my first psych drug was given to me by force...

and others along the way as well, but at some point I believed I needed them...

 

I had a lot of anger, since I lost almost my entire adult life to being heavily drugged... but there's nothing I can do to change that.

I don't want to spend the rest of my life, however long that may be, being angry about something that I can't change.

Anger can give you energy though and you can use it to do something positive

 

only you will know what is the right thing to do for you and your situation. 

Maybe it will be something like warning parents about the dangers of these drugs...maybe finding others who were also medicated at a young age when you had no choice, and finding a way to help prevent other kids from the same fate... I don't know. Just tossing out ideas.

 

truth be known I still lapse back in to anger at times, and regret and resentment.

but I can't let it consume me

I decided that over 4 decades of my life were taken from me, I am not giving up ANY more time to do anything else that I don't choose to do

and I choose to be happy and focus on those things I can change

 

it's hard, it always sounds so easy like in the serenity prayer but it's hard

 

worth it, but not easy!

 

you are doing great!

I will stick around here because I want to read your success story when it comes

and it will

but please for YOUR sake, don't rush it

 

❤️

 

 

Edited September 6, 2023 by Happy2Heal

[Happy2Heal]

On 6/20/2021 at 4:06 PM, brassmonkey said:

I added it up from your signature and you have made around 20 major drug changes in the past 21 years. Each one of which can cause a lot of trouble. What you are feeling now is the combined effects of all those changes. Your body is screaming out for stability. I would not make any changes in drugs or dosage for the foreseeable future. It is going to take some time for your body to sort things out and  stabilize, but it will. Once it has then you can consider carefully tapering off of the paxil.

 

The list of symptoms you describe are all quite common, upsetting but common, and should decrease in strength as you stabilize. The path to stability is going to be long, bumpy and quite frustrating at times, but stability does happen.  We have had a number of members in similar situations and they are all recovering.  There is a lot of information on the site about dealing with symptoms, coping techniques and the like. Getofflex has already given you some good links.

 

Some of the symptoms can be pretty scary, especially the ones about self-harming, violence to others and the fear that it will never get better.  Been there, done that and survived. These are all being caused by the drug and are no reflection of your actual beliefs. By using the techniques we recommend they can be minimized and controlled.

 

I'm sorry that you have found yourself in this situation, but we are here to help and things will get better.

 

 

I know this post is over 2 yrs old but what Brass has said here is still as valid now as it was 2 yrs ago

 

You've already been very patient... you must be exhausted and just want to be done with this

 

maybe it's time for some distractions?

 

and you've got a partner now so you can have help with those distractions, eh?

 

what do you like to do for fun?

I continued to do a lot of fun stuff during WD recovery and I am so glad I did, because now I have some great memories of those things

 

 

[Sunflower414]

1 hour ago, Happy2Heal said:

 

 

but for now, what encourages me a LOT is that you're still quite young!

I know 20 yrs on any med is a long time, and many med changes too, not good nor fun.

You got off xanax in 2018, good for you!! 

so you've been working at this for some time

Yes -- well, when I got off the benzo I had no idea what I was doing. I just slowly shaved off a little at a time for about six months. It wasn't great, but WAYYYYY easier than the paxil for me. I am thankful I am somewhat young still. Although I turn 30 next week
 

1 hour ago, Happy2Heal said:

I am 67. I was on psych meds (many different kinds, mostly in very high doses, with lots of CTs and cold switches) from age 18 til I finally tapered off (sort of- I did it all wrong and I suffered a LOT because of that- I was too impatient!)

I've been off all psych meds officially since 2017.

Even though I got to zero on the lexapro at that point, my withdrawal symptoms lingered for a few more years. I thought I was fully recovered long before I actually was- I was just so relieved to be able to live my life as I wished that I didn't notice a lot of the little things that were still not healed.. until they suddenly were! and then, well I was just overjoyed all over again that things kept getting better!

 

my point is, there's no reason to rush this! none whatsoever. You are going to get there, you are going to be fully healed at some point and your brain is basically in charge of what that will happen.

getting off the drug faster is not going to cause you to recover faster

 

you FEEL stuck but you're not. You've made HUGE changes in the past few years, you've gotten off a benzo and you've reduced you paxil down to a very low dose.

You are so sweet. Thank you for sharing all of this with me. I think it's hard when you feel so stuck. If I could hold awhile, then be able to taper more easily or at a higher percentage (I mean more than 2%) I would gladly hold! But there's part of me that worries that I'll just be wasting time, and the tapers will be just as hard. So that time was wasted when I could've been tapering. I hope that makes sense. I'm SO happy you are back to living life again. That gives me hope. The four years you still had withdrawal, was it more manageable? 

 

1 hour ago, Happy2Heal said:

 

You've also made huge changes in your life, CONGRATULATIONS on getting married! sounds like it was quite the thing with 4 flights involved!

 

Thanks so much! Yes. We eloped just us two. It was something we always wanted to do, which is why I held for 3 months beforehand. I'm so happy we eloped.

 

1 hour ago, Happy2Heal said:

I've been on this site now since 2015. I've read a lot of the threads and most of the Success Stories, and it's super clear to me that the folks who  get thru WD recovery with the least symptoms and the least upset to their daily lives (some with almost no symptoms!) are the ones who go super super slow.

I wish I had been able to do that, because I suffered terribly. 

 

I did the math (or rather, the math was done for me and I just read it LOL there's a table on here somewhere that shows how long it takes to reduce your dose til you're at zero)

if I had followed that advice, I would have been at zero roughly around the time when my brain actually was mostly recovered!

I may have been off the drug completely but my brain still had a lot of work left to do to heal.

 

I actually still find things that are improving NOW, 6 yrs after getting to zero (too quickly- did I mention that? I went way too fast LOL)

 

Everyone is different, this is true.
Sadly from what I've read paxil is an especially difficult drug to get off of, it tends to really stick with you. It's the reason that this site exists, it's the drug that Alto got off of... and her recovery took a very long time.

 

but she's fully recovered and you will get there too.

Yes. Knowing that paxil is one of the "worst ones" really scares me.

 

 

1 hour ago, Happy2Heal said:

 

If your brain is telling you that you need to hold, just hold.

You are not addicted to this drug like a junkie addicted to something that gets them high- your body is just so used to having it, it needs time to adjust to it leaving. and when I say body of course I mean primarily your brain, but that affects your whole body.

In all sorts of ways.

our bodies are marvelous in the way they heal themselves but also in how intricate and complicated they are.

 

Try not to let your feelings and thoughts about this process override what your brain and body is saying to you about what it needs

 

As far what is stable enough..?
I think if you're asking, you're not there yet. Just my opinion, take it for what it's worth (it was free, so does that make it worthless? I don't know lol)

 

so while you may feel trapped because your body needs more time, and you want OFF!! and believe me, if anyone gets that it's me LOL you see what I did, and it wasn't pretty!

you may feel stuck but it is NOT at all hopeless and there is NO reason to feel that way!

it is extremely hopeful, given all that you've done already!!

 

there is no prize for getting to zero before your brain is ready. 

 

I hope your brain settles down soon and lets you know when it's time to proceed

I don't know if dropping down by 1/2 of a percent is even possible but maybe that might help? I mean, when you are ready.

 

 

hang in there, kiddo, you are doing great!

you'll get to the finish and you'll have your entire life ahead of you still.

 

Thank you so much for taking the time to type all of this out. This is all very encouraging. ❤️ 

 

1 hour ago, Happy2Heal said:

 

 
I am very happy for you that you were able to make this decision at such a young age. 

as far as the anger goes, I am not sure what to say- my first psych drug was given to me by force...

and others along the way as well, but at some point I believed I needed them...

Yes, I don't know why they would give me paxil at 7 years old. I suppose they thought they were helping, but it still makes me so angry.

 

1 hour ago, Happy2Heal said:

 

I had a lot of anger, since I lost almost my entire adult life to being heavily drugged... but there's nothing I can do to change that.

I don't want to spend the rest of my life, however long that may be, being angry about something that I can't change.

Anger can give you energy though and you can use it to do something positive

 

only you will know what is the right thing to do for you and your situation. 

Maybe it will be something like warning parents about the dangers of these drugs...maybe finding others who were also medicated at a young age when you had no choice, and finding a way to help prevent other kids from the same fate... I don't know. Just tossing out ideas.

 

truth be known I still lapse back in to anger at times, and regret and resentment.

but I can't let it consume me

I decided that over 4 decades of my life were taken from me, I am not giving up ANY more time to do anything else that I don't choose to do

and I choose to be happy and focus on those things I can change

 

it's hard, it always sounds so easy like in the serenity prayer but it's hard

 

worth it, but not easy!

 

you are doing great!

I will stick around here because I want to read your success story when it comes

and it will

but please for YOUR sake, don't rush it

 

❤️

 

Thanks so much again for typing all of this out. It helped me so much today to read your story and your tips. You have such a good outlook on the situation and cards you were dealt. Although I am not suffering as badly as I was before, sometimes I just can't believe what I've been through and that I am still alive. It's a very strange feeling. I can't wait to get to the point where I am able to live life again like you are. You are so sweet, thanks so much again. I will hold here a bit. And when my success story comes, I will be sure to share with you. XOXO 

[Sunflower414]

@Happy2Heal I did have many changes. I pray that the more far out those changes are, the better I will feel. Thank God I stopped switching and refused any antipsychotics or more benzos. I am thankful that the season of switching and trying new medications is over for me.

 

I try to distract some! I spend a lot of time editing videos, I find joy in that. I also have a dog that helps. My husband is also a great source of help. I am trying to create good memories even while tapering. It is hard because I have believed for so long I can't live a life worth living while medicated. But maybe there is a sweet spot where I can taper and live a good life. Or, at least I hope so. XOXO

[Happy2Heal]

13 hours ago, Sunflower414 said:

I am trying to create good memories even while tapering. It is hard because I have believed for so long I can't live a life worth living while medicated

 It would be difficult to try to manage when that is your belief system....

just curious why do you think that way?

 

I have to admit, the way you phrased this challenged all of my own assumptions about my life pre- meds, during meds and now....

and it makes me wonder, what exactly WAS the effect that these drugs had on me, and how did they change what I did in my life?

 

I think for me personally it was not so much the drugs, but the belief that I was truly mentally ill and disabled due to these illnesses (the more drugs they gave me, the more different illnesses they told me I had! grrrrr)

That affected my entire outlook on my life and what I might be capable of doing. It's not the only issue I had however, I had a very traumatic childhood and early adulthood and that is actually what made me look "crazy" to others who did not understand.

 

as far as what the drugs did?

they blunted my emotions for sure- and that affected my relationships

I was also de motivated and that effected a lot of things.

 

but I don't think that the drugs themselves made me think that life was not worth living...rather it was my believing that I was this sick person that had no hope  of a normal life, from all the drs were telling me anyway.

 

but there are highly accomplished people who were medicated with these drugs too

and there are ppl who believe the drugs helped them have a good life (a notion I find hard to believe but will not dispute, each person's experience is different and I can't judge everything just based on my point of view!!)

 

so, I hope that you have adopted a different belief that serves you better, I guess is what I'm saying...

 

sorry I probably should wait til my thoughts have solidified before writing but I wanted to get down my random thoughts before I got too busy to, and will come back and perhaps have a different perspective later so please just take this as what it is

my written ramblings and musings about the topic of beliefs and how they shape us and what we do

ok?

it's got me thinking about what limiting beliefs I may still have

 

thank you for that

[Sunflower414]

As of now, my compounding pharmacy only does dosages such as 12.1mg, 10.8mg, etc. I'm hoping to switch to a new compounding pharmacy to cut even smaller dosages such as 12.05mg, etc. Has anyone had a bad experience doing this? Should I plan on having a rough time switching compounding pharmacies?

[getofflex]

You could get commercial liquid Paxil. That way, you have total control and flexibility over your dose.  However, before switching to liquid, I would wait awhile to stabilize, because switching drug forms is another drug change your system must adjust to.  

 

 

[Happy2Heal]

are you using a liquid?

 

can you get an Rx and order if from like amazon?

 

https://pharmacy.amazon.com/Paxil-Brand-Paroxetine-Oral-Suspension/dp/B08512LV6Z?

[Happy2Heal]

20 hours ago, Sunflower414 said:

But maybe there is a sweet spot where I can taper and live a good life. Or, at least I hope so. XOXO

oh yes definitely! when you are ready.

it's probably really best that you hold for now

 

I wish I had seen this when I was rapid tapering- I might have made different choices

 

this may address some of your concerns:

 

[Sunflower414]

49 minutes ago, getofflex said:

You could get commercial liquid Paxil. That way, you have total control and flexibility over your dose.  However, before switching to liquid, I would wait awhile to stabilize, because switching drug forms is another drug change your system must adjust to.  

 

 

Yes I wish I could @getofflexbut the last time I tried to switch to liquid, I was violently ill. So now I am afraid and nervous to try it again. 

[Sunflower414]

49 minutes ago, Happy2Heal said:

are you using a liquid?

 

can you get an Rx and order if from like amazon?

 

https://pharmacy.amazon.com/Paxil-Brand-Paroxetine-Oral-Suspension/dp/B08512LV6Z?

 

Thanks for your suggestion-- I didn't know you could purchase medications on Amazon. That's so interesting. I tried switching to liquid about a year ago and was violently ill. So, now I'm a bit afraid of the liquid. 

 

 

42 minutes ago, Happy2Heal said:

oh yes definitely! when you are ready.

it's probably really best that you hold for now

 

I wish I had seen this when I was rapid tapering- I might have made different choices

 

this may address some of your concerns:

 

Also sooo interesting you sent this to me. I just watched this exact video yesterday! But, if you hadn't tapered as fast as you did, you may still be on the medications now? It is very tricky to know what to do. Even if I did 3% ever three weeks starting now, it would be another 7 years! That's insane to me.... and very disheartening. 

[Happy2Heal]

On 5/17/2022 at 11:41 PM, Sunflower414 said:

Does anyone know of any stories on here of people who couldn’t taper without severe withdrawal, then after a decent hold, were able to taper easier?

I just saw this posted else where on this site and I found it extremely helpful!
there are things in this that I wish I knew before I tapered so damn fast, worried about brain damage or something from the meds, that I def do NOT have (and this is after 4 decades of heavy duty drugs including the super unsafe first generation anti psychotics like stelazine haldol etc)

 

anyway it's long but well worth reading thru to the end

 

https://www.madinamerica.com/2023/05/antidepressant-taper-support-group/

the author seems to have been unaware of this forum and the many others like it such as Paxil Progress I think it was called? now closes afaik

 

 

[Happy2Heal]

52 minutes ago, Sunflower414 said:

But, if you hadn't tapered as fast as you did, you may still be on the medications now? It is very tricky to know what to do. Even if I did 3% ever three weeks starting now, it would be another 7 years! That's insane to me.... and very disheartening. 

 

 

hi

I had written a long and somewhat rambling post and decided to edit it

 

yes the time it can take to get off these drugs can seem incredible, even insane

and is truly disheartening

 

but sadly it's the place we are in if we want to do it safely

I regret VERY much not taking my time.

I would be preferable to still be taking a tiny dose of the drug even now that what almost happened to me

 

I went on and off so many times and then ignored the advice I was given here to HOLD and to go much slower when I did start to taper off

 

and I almost died. In the article I linked above, the author talks about feeling like her brain was telling her to kill herself

 

that is what happened to me. I came extremely close to losing my life, so close that even thinking about it now terrifies me

 

I don't want that to happen to anyone else

 

I am going to step away from your thread for a bit because your impatience, while Totally totally understandable

is quite frankly making me very afraid for you

 

From what I have seen, everyone is able to heal sufficiently from these drugs to live a good life

except for those who lost theirs.

 

I don't want that to be you.

 

Edited September 7, 2023 by Happy2Heal

[getofflex]

I haven’t had time to read all the new post on here. I just want to reassure you that I doubt that it was the liquid paxil that made you violently ill.  I think that’s pretty unlikely unless you switched to it without switching over gradually. When you switch to liquid we suggest switching gradually meaning that the first week you do 1/4 liquid and 3/4 solid, week two is a half liquid and a half solid, week three is 3/4 liquid and 1/4 solid, etc.  if you want, you can switch over even more gradually than this.   

Edited September 7, 2023 by getofflex

[getofflex]

I just wanted to add one thought to give you a different perspective on why it’s OK if it takes your taper many years in the future. If you do a super slow taper, you can actually live a normal life during your taper, and have some wonderful memories and good times even while you were still on the drug.it’s  not like you can’t live and enjoy life during the taper. But if you jump off too fast, it could become a nightmare and take years to recover from it. Just a thought.

[Happy2Heal]

^^^^

what Getofflex said!!!

 

it's true! 

 

[Happy2Heal]

22 hours ago, Sunflower414 said:

Thanks so much! Yes. We eloped just us two. It was something we always wanted to do, which is why I held for 3 months beforehand. I'm so happy we eloped.

why did you guys decide to elope?

 

does your family know you're married now?

 

(my daughter eloped, and in an email about a month later just causally said, Oh I got married LOL I wasn't hurt or anything, I don't really know why they did it that way but it might be because his mom doesn't like my daughter... I don't know though. It's what they wanted and that's good enough for me. It only makes it hard to remember when their anniversary is, and I forgot it again this year- I was last month Grrr!) 

 

22 hours ago, Sunflower414 said:

try to distract some! I spend a lot of time editing videos, I find joy in that. I also have a dog that helps. My husband is also a great source of help. I am trying to create good memories even while tapering.

Good for you! 

oh editing videos? do you have a YouTube channel? are you editing your own work or someone else's?

I put up YT videos of my animals but am no good at editing! I struggle to figure out how to get the sound off, because often I have a song in the background that is has a copyright and I can't use it without permission, so I add a bit of the free instrumentals that you're offered but there's gotta be better ways to go about this.

 

I also don't know how to add captions and stuff and would really like to learn how to do that. Did you teach yourself or take a class or something?

 

oh a dog! that's great! what kind of dog?

I have never had a dog but had quite a few cats, some rescues and fosters

Then I got interested in pet rats and did a lot of fostering for a local rescue and NOW.. now that I find rats a bit too challenging for me physically and financially, I am into MICE! lo smaller, easier to transport, less expensive and so adorable! I am fostering 2 groups and have some of my own

 

I wish I could afford a dog, it would force me out of the house more to walk and get fresh air.

I can find tons of  excuses not to get dressed and go out... like, oh it's too much trouble for a short walk...

like I have anything else I need to do LOL

 

I saw that you are a teacher.. what grade do you teach?

 

also I know you've been very patient and already did a slow taper off another drug, so I have calmed myself down; my PTSD was triggered by thinking you were going to go too fast and cause yourself a world of trouble

but I read most of your thread and even though you want to go faster, you've had a fair amount of restraint and I bet you'll be able to continue to avoid making drastic changes that you might regret

 

I've enjoyed reading thru your thread and getting to know you and I want you to be around for a good long time!

❤️

 

 

[Sunflower414]

4 hours ago, getofflex said:

I haven’t had time to read all the new post on here. I just want to reassure you that I doubt that it was the liquid paxil that made you violently ill.  I think that’s pretty unlikely unless you switched to it without switching over gradually. When you switch to liquid we suggest switching gradually meaning that the first week you do 1/4 liquid and 3/4 solid, week two is a half liquid and a half solid, week three is 3/4 liquid and 1/4 solid, etc.  if you want, you can switch over even more gradually than this.   

Thanks for your reply. I'm not sure...I'm pretty sure that was it. I was also in the height of WD so that could've had something to do with it. I did do the slow switch. About 5 days in I began vomiting and shaking. This went on for three days. When I went back to all pills it stopped. I tried it again a week later and the same thing happened.... So I have no idea what that was about. If I can find a compounding pharmacy to do dosages like 11.95mg, do you think switching compounding pharmacies needs a slow switch over if they are both pills?
 

4 hours ago, getofflex said:

I just wanted to add one thought to give you a different perspective on why it’s OK if it takes your taper many years in the future. If you do a super slow taper, you can actually live a normal life during your taper, and have some wonderful memories and good times even while you were still on the drug.it’s  not like you can’t live and enjoy life during the taper. But if you jump off too fast, it could become a nightmare and take years to recover from it. Just a thought.

Thanks so much. It has almost been 3 years now since this all started. I'm still hoping and praying I can get to the point where I can taper and enjoy life. Xoxo So far it has been a nightmare (from all my switches and huge 25% I'm sure). I'm not sure how long to hold for this to happen and when to try tapering again. It's a hard decision.

[Sunflower414]

3 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

why did you guys decide to elope?

We just both don't like being the center of attention and both have weird family dynamics! 

3 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

does your family know you're married now?

Yes

3 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

 

(my daughter eloped, and in an email about a month later just causally said, Oh I got married LOL I wasn't hurt or anything, I don't really know why they did it that way but it might be because his mom doesn't like my daughter... I don't know though. It's what they wanted and that's good enough for me. It only makes it hard to remember when their anniversary is, and I forgot it again this year- I was last month Grrr!) 

 

Good for you! 

oh editing videos? do you have a YouTube channel? are you editing your own work or someone else's?

I put up YT videos of my animals but am no good at editing! I struggle to figure out how to get the sound off, because often I have a song in the background that is has a copyright and I can't use it without permission, so I add a bit of the free instrumentals that you're offered but there's gotta be better ways to go about this.

 

I also don't know how to add captions and stuff and would really like to learn how to do that. Did you teach yourself or take a class or something?

I edit my own videos! I took a class in high school and always wanted to do it as a side job of some kind. Thankfully and not thankfully (lol) I work remotely as a teacher now because of WD so I have more time to learn how to edit and such. If you have an apply computer, you can use iMovie which is a free and somewhat easy editing system.

 

 

3 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

 

oh a dog! that's great! what kind of dog?

I have never had a dog but had quite a few cats, some rescues and fosters

Then I got interested in pet rats and did a lot of fostering for a local rescue and NOW.. now that I find rats a bit too challenging for me physically and financially, I am into MICE! lo smaller, easier to transport, less expensive and so adorable! I am fostering 2 groups and have some of my own

 

I wish I could afford a dog, it would force me out of the house more to walk and get fresh air.

I can find tons of  excuses not to get dressed and go out... like, oh it's too much trouble for a short walk...

like I have anything else I need to do LOL

I had a pet mouse when I was little! Unfortunately I am allergic to cats otherwise I would love to have one. My dog is a corgi mix of some kind. He is such a sweet boy. I got him when I was 20 years old and I'll be 30 next week, so he has been a faithful and loyal friend through all these years.

 

 

3 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

 

I saw that you are a teacher.. what grade do you teach?

 

Before withdrawal, I was a first grade teacher. I absolutely loved it. I got too sick to go to work unfortunately had to quit. after a year or so of not working, I found a remote job where I work with high school students. It isn't my favorite thing, but it is nice to be able to stay home during this time. I also feel a bit accomplished every day just from logging on! lol 

 

3 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

 

also I know you've been very patient and already did a slow taper off another drug, so I have calmed myself down; my PTSD was triggered by thinking you were going to go too fast and cause yourself a world of trouble

but I read most of your thread and even though you want to go faster, you've had a fair amount of restraint and I bet you'll be able to continue to avoid making drastic changes that you might regret

I completely understand. PTSD can be very scary. My biggest symptom is unfortunately intrusive thoughts. I am doing my best to stay positive and to be more patient, but, after many years I can be hard. I hope and pray that I can continue tapering soon but will wait until my body is ready.

3 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

 

I've enjoyed reading thru your thread and getting to know you and I want you to be around for a good long time!

❤️

You are very sweet. I appreciate you taking the time to read and taking the time to talk to me XOXO