Sunflower414: medicated at age 7, now 27

[ChessieCat]

  

4 hours ago, Sunflower414 said:

Has anyone had a difficult time switching from tablets of Paxil to the liquid? If you get very sick and have extreme WD, what do you do? I would like to get on the liquid to make smaller cuts

 

 

I've moved the above post this topic:

 

tips-for-tapering-off-paxil-paroxetine

 

[Greatful]

@Sunflower414  I hope you don't mind but I am sending you some helpful saying to print out and read as much as you need.  I can wish I can answer all your questions but I am in the same boat- tapering and hoping that I am doing the right thing....I am curious-- do you feel any worse from your taper? are you still taking the liquid? If I remember right you went from generic tablets  to name brand Paxil liquid too.  You were feel better in March- then started the switching---Do you think this has something to do with it---Such a guessing game---the switch to Prozac might be more of a change-nobody really knows-that's the sad part--maybe you should try and stay where you are at for a few more weeks-focus on healing --and not so much on the what  could do to maybe make it better faster... at least for a few week and then tell yourself that I will reassess at that time--maybe write down any positive thing/thoughts  that might happen thorough out the day- even if it is a few moments/seconds that these moments--right it down right away or just put a smile by the time of day that it occurred.  Please don't take this wrong and think I know it all or I am not sympathetic to your pain and fears--Believe me- I have to try and keep myself on track most days...

 

Don't give up on your healing. I know it's difficult to remain hopeful because everyday you struggle with the torture of the intense and bizarre symptoms and it seems as if nothing is changing. So I am here to be the rational, "non-withdrawal" voice in your head and to remind you of the reality : that no matter how long it is taking, this challenge is temporary. One day you will wake up and something will be different. It will be more than a "window", it will be the long-awaited break, the last lap, the finishing line in view.

Then it will be over, and you will be able to navigate your way out from under the rubble, brush yourself off, pick up the pieces and get on with your life.

What awaits you on the other side is worth you holding on for. Nothing in life will ever again faze you. You will have a different perspective on life, and it won't take much to make you feel content. 

 

 

When withdrawal anxiety is high and I am in 'fight' or 'flight'

or 'freeze' mode, it is difficult for me to be grounded and to

maintain perspective. I lose sight of the fact that this

experience is temporary and that it is leading me to my long-

awaited recovery. I am consumed with what is happening

and it can make me seem self-absorbed and uninterested in

my loved ones. This is understandable, as I spend all my time and energy

managing the bizarre symptoms, breathing through the pain,

and holding on for dear life. I miss important moments in

the lives of those around me and I also overlook just how

courageous and persevering I have been and continue to be.

So today, I acknowledge my strength and I accept that while

I may spend much of my time consumed with coping, this

does not mean that I am self-centered or selfish. I am just

hypervigilant in the context of being constantly aware of my

symptoms, and of my environment, always looking for

perceived threats. I know that I will revert to normal when

this is over. am compassionate and gentle with myself, in the

meantime, knowing that no matter how intense and

overwhelming my symptoms are, I will cope well. I trust that

eventually I will begin to notice improvements and when the

timing is right for me, this challenge will end with my

recovery.

 

Have you looked at Baylissa's website https://baylissa.com/user-guide/

go to the gentle reminders and listen to her recorded encouragements- so many other things on there that you can look through as well

 

I am here for you sunflower♥️

 

Edited May 13, 2022 by ChessieCat
reformatted text which was small and bold

[Sunflower414]

3 hours ago, Greatful said:

@Sunflower414  I hope you don't mind but I am sending you some helpful saying to print out and read as much as you need. 

 

 

Thank you so much @Greatful I love what you just sent me! I will print it out and post it in my room. I really like Baylissa. I sometimes listen to her meditations.

 

I did try to switch to liquid. For awhile, I did 10mg tablets and the rest liquid. I felt pretty crappy but kept going. Then when I tried to take more liquid, I had EXTREME wd symptoms. It was very odd because I figured it might feel different, but I was not functioning at all. I retreated back to cutting my pills for now. I may try the liquid again -- maybe I will try the liquid from a compounding pharmacy instead of CVS. Not sure if that would matter. 

 

I think I was very excited about the Prozac idea because I know other people who take it, it seems "safer", and you can have kids on it. I am almost 29. I want to have kids in the near future but I would not have kids on Paxil. I suppose I will keep that idea on the back burner for now. 

 

Thank you so much for writing. I do plan to hold here for quite awhile. While I am not doing well, I do see improvements from the beginning of this experience. My hope and prayer is that if I hold for quite awhile, maybe I can have a decent life while tapering maybe at a 5% rate instead of the 1.5% I have been white knuckling through.

 

Like I posted on your page, I saw your are Finnish. So am I. Sisu!

 

Thank you Greatful l<3 

[Sunflower414]

Still waiting to hear if it sounds like I am having an adverse reaction to Paxil.  If not — then, I suppose I will hold until the fall which will allow for a 6-8 month hold. Maybe then I will be able to reduce at a 5-10% rate 

[getofflex]

It sounds like you may possibly be having an adverse reaction, but I'm not sure.  I see you having symptoms after you take the meds.  Do you feel significantly worse in the 5 or 6 hours after you take your Paxil?  

Edited May 14, 2022 by getofflex

[Sunflower414]

I’ll try to pay attention it it and see getofflex. If you’re having an adverse reaction what do you do?

[getofflex]

Then you go ahead and taper off. the trick is to try and balance the adverse reaction symptoms with the withdrawal symptoms. So we don’t want to taper off so fast that the withdrawal becomes worse than he symptoms of the adverse reaction.  It’s a balancing act.  We would takes things one step at a time.  

[Sunflower414]

Thanks getofflex. I’m not too sure. I feel pretty poorly 247 but I’m going to try to pay more attention to it.  If you just taper off because it’s an adverse reaction, what percentage do you taper? 

[getofflex]

37 minutes ago, Sunflower414 said:

I’m not too sure. I feel pretty poorly 247 but I’m going to try to pay more attention to it.

This makes me suspect you are not having an adverse reaction.  If you were, you would know it.  But keep journaling, and pay attention especially to how your feel before you take your drugs, and the 5-6 hours after you take your drugs.  

[Sunflower414]

I am going to try magnesium glycinate. Hoping it helps some. 

[ChessieCat]

2 hours ago, Sunflower414 said:

I am going to try magnesium glycinate.

 

Remember to start by trying a small amount to see how you react to it.  And only make one change at a time.  See link below.

 

It is better to take Magnesium in small doses throughout the day instead of one dose a day.  Also if you are taking calcium the two supplements need to be taken 2 hours apart otherwise the calcium will cancel out the calming effect of the magnesium.

 

Please see Post #1 of this topic:

 

Keep it Simple, Slow and Stable

Edited May 16, 2022 by ChessieCat

[Ariel]

@Sunflower414

Thinking good thoughts in your direction... I'm sorry you're going through it! 

Hugs and healing vibes <3

A.

[Greatful]

@Sunflower414

Hey fellow Finn--SISU it is---I just need to focus all that sisu strength in the right way lol  But really we are full of sisu-look how much we endure/ put up with--

I am considered 100% Finnish- with that I should be strong/stubborn as a ox-LOL

Do you take any other supplements?  I use Magnesium Glycinate-3to 4mg of it throughout the day...I think it helps---

 

You claim that the Paxil never really helped you? 

Both the Prozac and Paxil are in the red Zone?  Do you have your results? can you look up Patient Genotypes and Phenotypes on your results..

I  have HTR2A G/G and this states I have an increased risk of adverse drug reactions with certain ssri's    and  SLC6A4   L/S  This means I could may have a decreased likelihood of response to certain ssri's  I also am a ultra fast metabolizer for the Lexapro I am trying to get off of😓 You should be able to see if you how you metabolize the drugs---

So it looks like ssri's  don't look good for me lol

Let's hope you can get off the drugs before you have a child--😊

 

When you take you daily note pay attention to if your symptoms intensify --- you may hit some intensity quicker because you may  metabolize it faster---

 

Sorry this is so hard to figure out...That's because no-body knows--Even my new doctor stated we really don't know much about  these drugs do....So sad--hand the out like candy---I am so worried about a few of my grandchildren--

on ssri's at young ages---You know the magic pill--fix what ever ails you.

 

♥️

[Sunflower414]

13 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

 

Remember to start by trying a small amount to see how you react to it.  And only make one change at a time.  See link below.

 

It is better to take Magnesium in small doses throughout the day instead of one dose a day.  Also if you are taking calcium the two supplements need to be taken 2 hours apart otherwise the calcium will cancel out the calming effect of the magnesium.

 

Please see Post #1 of this topic:

 

Keep it Simple, Slow and Stable

 

Thank you ChessieCat. My capsules I have are 120mg. is that too much to start with? I read and I saw that it looks like most start with less. Should I break open the capsules and separate the powder? I am a bit nervous to try it, but I thought it may be worth a shot! Do you use this magnesium?

[Sunflower414]

2 hours ago, Greatful said:

@Sunflower414

Hey fellow Finn--SISU it is---I just need to focus all that sisu strength in the right way lol  But really we are full of sisu-look how much we endure/ put up with--

I am considered 100% Finnish- with that I should be strong/stubborn as a ox-LOL

Do you take any other supplements?  I use Magnesium Glycinate-3to 4mg of it throughout the day...I think it helps---

SISU! I am 50% Finnish. Have you ever been to Finland? Once I am better from this mess, that's what I would like to do. I do not take any other supplements. 

 

 

2 hours ago, Greatful said:

You claim that the Paxil never really helped you? 

Both the Prozac and Paxil are in the red Zone?  Do you have your results? can you look up Patient Genotypes and Phenotypes on your results..

I  have HTR2A G/G and this states I have an increased risk of adverse drug reactions with certain ssri's    and  SLC6A4   L/S  This means I could may have a decreased likelihood of response to certain ssri's  I also am a ultra fast metabolizer for the Lexapro I am trying to get off of😓 You should be able to see if you how you metabolize the drugs---

So it looks like ssri's  don't look good for me lol

Let's hope you can get off the drugs before you have a child--😊

 

Paxil did help me before. But, not this time around! I do have the results somewhere. I don't really understand how to read any of it. From what I understand, SSRI's are not good for me at all. Viibryd is "In the green" but it was horrible for me! 

 

2 hours ago, Greatful said:

 

When you take you daily note pay attention to if your symptoms intensify --- you may hit some intensity quicker because you may  metabolize it faster---

 

It does say I metabolize it fast. 

 

2 hours ago, Greatful said:

Sorry this is so hard to figure out...That's because no-body knows--Even my new doctor stated we really don't know much about  these drugs do....So sad--hand the out like candy---I am so worried about a few of my grandchildren--

on ssri's at young ages---You know the magic pill--fix what ever ails you.

 

♥️

Yes the hardest part is that no one seems to know anything. It seems to be a big guessing game at the cost of us. It's a big crazy. What do your grandchildren take? It's hard because some people are truly finding relief from these medications. I used to. I don't know. My thoughts on the change daily because it makes no sense to me! 

[Sunflower414]

Does anyone know of any stories on here of people who couldn’t taper without severe withdrawal, then after a decent hold, were able to taper easier?

[Greatful]

@Sunflower414

No I haven't been to Finland--maybe someday when I can function lol-

 

In short--My grandson and his sister are on ssri's---he is on Lexapro-for anxiety- which I think is from dysfunction from his parents relationship- my daughter up and left her husband and move in with us---very hard on him--he was fairly close to his father---he was around 8 when this happened- not sure when he started the drugs-9-10 ?  he has been on them for close to 10 years now--he looks withdrawn and glum a lot---his sister was put on lex at around 12 ish and she became very angry so they switched to Prozac not sure if she is still taking it?  Sadly I have to be careful of what I say--my daughter is a NP and her main practice is working as a Psychiatric NP-Handing out the pills like all the rest🙄 I don't think she is very open to hearing anything negative about this field-- we pretty much avoid what is going on with me--when I try to talk about it she is not open or receptive.. 

 

My other granddaughter from another daughter-- not sure what she is on or if she still is?  she was put on around 12-13.

 

As far as the mix feeling on if these drug help or not?  Believe me I go through this when I am feeling awful-- Maybe in the short term they seem like they help-is it a placebo affect?  I am reading Your Drug Might Be Your Problem by Peter Breggin M.D. and David Chen Phd---   Read the book--but skip the part of possible damage from these drugs---they just don't know long term effects--I can see how much negative affect they had on me ---They changed the real me--- I have listen to and  watch enough things to warrant enough caution when it comes to these drugs---They affect so much in our body's-who we are-   we are starting to see some data the harmful affect theses have on our systems.. they can start to make us sicker-- Sadly we are put on them for so many things that are considered/normal lives ups and down that can be dealt with using other coping skills- learning how to mange stress-- be proactive in lowering stressors--or diet changes/ or finding out you have a imbalance/low in something  your body-- your hormones/thyroid/vitamins/ etc- CBT-learn how to change negative distorted thoughts-   or like for me childhood trauma  ---(like my grandson-and his sister?) I have so many distorted thoughts too-- I am reading The Body Keeps The Score--sadly so many people are medicated because of some trauma-- be it a one time trauma or long term trauma--Which can be healed with the right therapy---

 

https://youtu.be/5VBXWdhabuQ  Interview with Robert Whitaker who is journalist and looks at the data that is real and should be looked at and taken  into consideration..

 

https://youtu.be/J4guc7Q8PaQ  Our Psychiatric Drug Epidemic by Robert Whitaker  I should worn you they do talk about the possibility of long term permanent damage--  again lack of study/ proven- and I feel is a caution as to why we should be careful about taking them...

 

Here is a eye opener--how the DSM The Origins of the DSM

https://youtu.be/6JPgpasgueQ 

 

Sunflower you do have the ability to heal--Track you day--- see if you maybe having adverse affect from Paxil-- If so, then you can work to get off of it--Your brain and body is so made to heal♥️

 

 

 

[Sunflower414]

 

Does anyone know of any stories on here of people who couldn’t taper without severe withdrawal, then after a decent hold, were able to taper easier?

also here is my latest journal of the day 

 

11am - woke up feeling okay l. Laid in bed for an hour. 

 

12pm - let the dog out. Hopelessness doom coming over me. Feeling triggered by recent suicide news on tv

 

1pm- took meds. make some food. Laid back down. Feeling dizzy and worried. “Will I ever get off these meds” and “am I permanently damaged” ruminating through my head 

 

1:30pm - did a meditation to try and feel better 

 

2:30pm - did some work from home. Bad headache. Feeling doom / hopelessness. Stomach hurting from anxiety 

 

 

4:30pm - boyfriend came home. We went to the park to walk. Felt nice to get fresh air. Felt very anxious, buzzing in head, teared up while walking 

 

7:30pm - ate dinner. Took the dog out. Feeling worried about how I’ll ever get off meds / be “normal”. Head feels like it’s buzzing. Exhausted but wired feeling 

 

11pm - laid down. Have sense of doom of how I’ll get through the next day. Prayed, tried to meditate 

[Ariel]

Hi @Sunflower414

 

1 minute ago, Sunflower414 said:

Does anyone know of any stories on here of people who couldn’t taper without severe withdrawal, then after a decent hold, were able to taper easier?

I feel like I have seen stories like that, yes. Both success stories and also members who are currently tapering steadily with good results following long holds. I cannot offhand pick these out of the pile but I feel confident I have come across numerous examples. 

 

Have you had a chance to peruse success stories in the recovery forum?

 

 

[Sunflower414]

Thanks @Ariel I have read all the success stories on this site. Probably numerous times each. 
 

i tried a steady taper with 1-3% cuts but I can’t handle it. I’m praying if I hold I can continue.

[Ariel]

@Sunflower414

I'm sorry it's rough going at the moment. 

You are in good hands with the moderators here. I trust they will guide you well. 

Holding space for your experience, sending hugs <3

 

[Aveju]

23 hours ago, Sunflower414 said:

 

 

Does anyone know of any stories on here of people who couldn’t taper without severe withdrawal, then after a decent hold, were able to taper easier?

also here is my latest journal of the day 

 

11am - woke up feeling okay l. Laid in bed for an hour. 

 

12pm - let the dog out. Hopelessness doom coming over me. Feeling triggered by recent suicide news on tv

 

1pm- took meds. make some food. Laid back down. Feeling dizzy and worried. “Will I ever get off these meds” and “am I permanently damaged” ruminating through my head 

 

1:30pm - did a meditation to try and feel better 

 

2:30pm - did some work from home. Bad headache. Feeling doom / hopelessness. Stomach hurting from anxiety 

 

 

4:30pm - boyfriend came home. We went to the park to walk. Felt nice to get fresh air. Felt very anxious, buzzing in head, teared up while walking 

 

7:30pm - ate dinner. Took the dog out. Feeling worried about how I’ll ever get off meds / be “normal”. Head feels like it’s buzzing. Exhausted but wired feeling 

 

11pm - laid down. Have sense of doom of how I’ll get through the next day. Prayed, tried to meditate 

I also spend a lot of time ruminating on if I have permanent damage, will I recover, etc.  it’s all consuming for me, everyday and I seek out info and make myself more anxious/depressed.

I am only doing 2% cuts.  I used to hold for 2 weeks but am finding I need to hold it longer.  

I do believe that we can heal!!!! I see the Bible verse at the bottom of your signature, I’m a believer as well.  Sometimes the hope that I’ll heal comes from my belief alone.  You can message me anytime! 

[Sunflower414]

12pm - wake up, feeling hopeless doom 

 

1pm - took meds. Crying. Sat by the window trying to breathe fresh air. Feeling very depressed.

 

3pm - went to the park with my boyfriend and walked. Felt slightly better but teared up a few times 

 

4:30pm - did zoom interview. Made it through 

 

5pm - drove home to my moms house. Felt anxious on the drive 

 

6pm - sat outside and read a book. Feeling anxious trying to distract 

 

7pm- ate dinner, very tired 

 

9pm - talked with mom about what to do next. She suggested take meds. She thinks maybe this is just me. Very distraught. Convo caused crying and extreme panic and worry 

 

11pm - went to sleep crying  

[Ariel]

@Sunflower414

 

I'm sorry, Sunflower, that you felt distraught after talking with your mom. 

 

3 hours ago, Sunflower414 said:

talked with mom about what to do next. She suggested take meds. She thinks maybe this is just me. Very distraught. Convo caused crying and extreme panic and worry 

 

Just wanna say I have had some version of this conversation more times than I can count. It is a very challenging exchange and can understandably lead to feelings of significant distress (even when one is not in active withdrawal).

 

It is never easy to receive a message of, "The problem is you -- take these drugs to fix the problem, i.e. you need medication to fix yourself," because that message is equivalent to, "There is something wrong with you; you are not okay the way you are," which is the opposite of acceptance. There are countless ways in which that messaging is harmful (as, I imagine, most people on this website can attest to).

Often what happens when we receive such communication enough times from influential people in our lives, we end up internalizing it until we ourselves believe it's true.

 

It is a cornerstone of healing to unlearn false beliefs and free ourselves from others' statements, opinions, views of us. (Most of the time other people are just projecting their own fear and biases anyway.) As we unpatient ourselves and learn not to other or dehumanize or alienate or judge ourselves, we learn to validate and trust our own experience. We learn to embrace ourselves in radical acceptance and unconditional lovingkindness. This is a practice. It is a process. This is what healing is all about. 

 

You are well on your way in this healing process, as evidenced by your presence here on SA and your expressed desire to care for yourself by tapering off of drugs which are harmful to your health. Your choices are yours to make and your experiences are your own to live through. Your truth is your own. You are your own person!

 

Trust your gut. Trust yourself. Be your own best parent and mother yourself with tender loving care. It may not always seem clear what that means or what that looks like -- that's where practicing comes in. Experiment, explore. Fake it till you make it. Along the way there may be bumps in the road, but there will also be plenty of discoveries and insights and wisdom. It's a learning process, a healing journey.  

 

I trust you are on the right path and will get to where you need to go. 

With love,

A.

[Sunflower414]

Posting in a desperate state. 
 

i have been holding at 13.4Mg after a 1.5% drop 2 months ago. I am struggling badly. Body jerks, SI, extreme terror and depression. I am tempted to go t s hospital but I don’t know what they can even do. I don’t know what do to. It seems I hold with no relief. Is this a sign I need medication? Is it a sign I should try to bridge to something else? I am desperate. Thank you

[getofflex]

I'm very sorry that you are struggling with this.  In the past, we have advised your to hold for a really long time, as in 1-2 years, to allow your system to stabilize and rest.  As Brass Monkey noted in the past, you've been through roughly about 20 drug changes in the past 20 or so years.  This is probably what has caused your nervous system to be so destabilized.  

[Sunflower414]

Thank you getofflex for your response. Do you believe healing is still possible? 1-2 years is a very long time… I was hoping to have a child within the next few years. I don’t know if I can take this 1-2 more years and be okay with it. I hate taking it. 😞 do you think 6 months may be long enough? After that, what type of  taper would you suggest?

 

also, I see how far you are on your taper. Congrats! Do you think your taper got easier as you went? We’re you able to maintain some type of normalcy?

[getofflex]

Yes, I do, and yes, it is.  It took Altostrata 11 years to heal from a CT of Paxil, but she is recovered now.  You were 27 when you joined, I believe now 28? You have plenty of time for having a child.  It is better to wean off very slowly, than wean off suddenly, and try to raise a baby while dealing with PAWS - that would be very very difficult.  I don't know if 6 months is long enough - if it were me, I would give it at least a year, or 1.5 years.  Once you allow your system to fully stabilize, and adjust, it could be a lot easier to taper in the future.  

 

How Long is Withdrawal Going to Take, Factors Affecting Withdrawal

 

Yes, my taper has gotten easier as I've gotten lower.  Almost 2 years ago, I did about a 5 month hold, and my tapering got significantly easier after that.  

Edited May 21, 2022 by getofflex

[Sunflower414]

Thank you getofflex. You are always very helpful supportive and patient with me. I always appreciate your responses.

 

yes, I will be 29 soon. I am so happy to hear it has gotten easier as you’ve lowered. I’m praying I am the same. 🤍

[Sunflower414]

Does anyone have any links to peoples stories who couldn't taper but then after a long hold were able to continue and be okay while tapering? Thank you all 

[Artistic1]

Hi, Sunflower 414. I saw your request for stores about people who couldn't taper and who have done long holds and were OK with it. I probably fit into this category. I started Zoloft in 2017, and after several ups and downs with it working/not working, I decided to opt for tapering off supplemented with some good cognitive behavioral therapy.

 

I found I could not taper quickly - it really upset my system. I settled on a schedule of 6 weeks on a particular dose, then I would taper down to the next dose over two weeks. Once at the new dose, I held that for 6 weeks, then tapered down in small steps to the next dose over two weeks, and held that for 6 weeks. So, I would do a new dose every two months.  I held that for I emphasize that I had the support of cognitive behavioral therapy to help me deal with any side effects or bad moods through the whole process. I believe you have to replace the drugs with something to help you deal with life, and this was the absolute best thing for me.

 

As I got closer to my goal of being off completely, I would get impatient and think that I could shorten up the process to get off quicker, but then I thought, "Why would I potentially sabotage all my hard work and possibly have to start over." I figured slow and steady wins the race. It has taken me 4 long years to get down to my last cut, which was today, and I'm holding at that for 6 weeks, when I will take my last dose.

 

My best advice: Be patient and do it right. It will be worth it. Get into some good therapy if you can. That support is invaluable. It will help you to deal with the many questions you are asking on this forum. We all want answers, but sometimes, all you need is a mental tool to help you to keep moving. If private therapy is not doable, there are some really good books that can help.

 

Best wishes, 

Artistic 1

[Sunflower414]

Hi @Artistic1 you are so sweet to respond. Are you lowering by a certain percentage? Wow… 4 years, you have so much patience. That’s what I’m lacking in this experience. Patience and tools to help.

 

i have went to three different counselors hoping for help and they all were pill pushers telling me this could not be withdrawal. How did you find a decent therapist? I think a good one would be very beneficial to me. But, the search has been hard. 
 

how has your taper been? Has it been manageable? 
 

Congrats on your amazing accomplishment. You’re almost there!
 

 

[Greatful]

@Sunflower414  How are you doing?  Sending you encouragement and hope♥️

[Sunflower414]

Hi @Greatful I’m hanging in there. Doing pretty awful still. Been holding here for 2 months. Praying for relief. How are you?

[getofflex]

Praying for you sunflower.  

[Sunflower414]

Thank you everyone. I need prayers. I am trying my best to keep going. 🤍