littlebird: tried tapering Pristiq - will try tapering Wellbutrin instead

[littlebird]

1 minute ago, Thorin said:

Hey LB, be kind to yourself over the next week or two of you find you’re struggling. I’ve found travelling and family can really knock me about for a bit and it can take a little while to bounce back. You’ll probs be fine but if you’re struggling that may be why…..

 

Oop, got some tears in my eyes and my lower lip poked out like I was a sad lil kid. Yuuup, there's been some Feelings brewing here. I've been thinking about how I usually need some time to recover after family, then thinking, "I don't have time for that!!!"

 

Whether or not I have the time, the feelings will come out. Best to make time so it doesn't happen when I least expect it. Had at least two unexpected cries in a parking lot this trip. 

 

Gonna need to make time to take care of Little LB who took some hits and had things stirred up by family. Also gonna go as low contact as I can leading up to the wedding. My parents are........... less than ideal in terms of emotional support, respecting boundaries, etc.

 

I've been thinking, "All I want to do is space out and play games," and that's probably inner child stuff going on. I feel frozen, unable to get things done, and I just want to escape. Yuuuup PTSD is high. 

 

Happily, I managed to snag an extra therapy sesh for later this week to help with this. Woohoo!

[littlebird]

4 minutes ago, littlebird said:

10 minutes ago, Thorin said:

Hey LB, be kind to yourself over the next week or two of you find you’re struggling. I’ve found travelling and family can really knock me about for a bit and it can take a little while to bounce back. You’ll probs be fine but if you’re struggling that may be why…..

 

Oop, got some tears in my eyes and my lower lip poked out like I was a sad lil kid.

 

Thank you for saying that, Thorin! I needed to hear that reminder big time tonight. Hard to explain to my partner that I need to process and decompress after seeing my family when they come from a non-traumatizing one and don't feel the same effect.

 

When we were in LA, they kept wanting to be active and all I wanted to do was lie in the sun and think and sleep. It's hard to explain the full effects of developmental trauma to someone who didn't have it! I feel like I'm 20% my usual self right now, the rest is frozen or in hiding or dissociated. 

[littlebird]

12 hours ago, FireflyFyte said:

13 hours ago, littlebird said:

Wild how much Wellbutrin was masking that! I'm finally feeling the Pristiq activation. Maybe I skip it tonight and try it tomorrow morning as the first dose?

 

If I am remembering correctly, you shouldn't move your medication by more than two hours at a time but maybe a moderator can confirm.

 

Okay, this is good to know. I was meaning to skip it tonight, then try it in the morning tomorrow, but I forgot and took it at the regular time. Amped to hell; I wish it wasn't in my system when I was already pretty anxious. 

 

I had the starts of what felt like a panic attack tonight, which has been happening more since moving Wellbutrin and feeling more of the Pristiq.

 

WIsh there was a "I have a question for a mod" handle I could tag or something! Maybe one will happen along and let me know before I make the change. Gonna try to remember not to take it tomorrow night and flip it to the first slot in the schedule.

[Thorin]

30 minutes ago, littlebird said:

Whether or not I have the time, the feelings will come out.

It’s good they come out! Better than being numb!

 

31 minutes ago, littlebird said:

Also gonna go as low contact as I can leading up to the wedding. My parents are........... less than ideal in terms of emotional support, respecting boundaries, etc.

Don’t feel bad if that’s what you need….

 

31 minutes ago, littlebird said:

Happily, I managed to snag an extra therapy sesh for later this week to help with this. Woohoo!

Nice! Got therapy myself later this week. Feel like I need it (I always feel like that).

[Thorin]

26 minutes ago, littlebird said:

Thank you for saying that, Thorin! I needed to hear that reminder big time tonight. Hard to explain to my partner that I need to process and decompress after seeing my family when they come from a non-traumatizing one and don't feel the same effect.

It just hit me that I get wobbly after those visits so you might too…..

[Thorin]

24 minutes ago, littlebird said:

WIsh there was a "I have a question for a mod" handle I could tag or something! Maybe one will happen along and let me know before I make the change. Gonna try to remember not to take it tomorrow night and flip it to the first slot in the schedule.

You can just tag one….

[littlebird]

1 minute ago, Thorin said:

You can just tag one….

 

Ha, that would mean I'm comfortable with directly asking for help! 😉

[j1290]

1 hour ago, littlebird said:

Also, forgot how limiting it feels to be back in this neighborhood. Unwinding on the front porch feels dangerous, in my travels I got used to feeling safe outdoors.

It's shocking when you come back, isn't it?  I don't want to live with this daily stress anymore.  Why did I ever think this was OK?! 🤨

 

54 minutes ago, littlebird said:

Been compassionate to myself, much more than I’ve ever been in the past.

FWIW, I'm super proud of you.  At least from this side of the keyboard, that's a super hard(and scary) thing to do.   I hear that once you do it once, it starts to get that much easier.  I think the best is yet to come, my friend! 🙌

 

56 minutes ago, littlebird said:

I’m putting together little welcome bags for wedding guests, and it’s nice to have a tangible task to balance out the nebulousness of “call/email all the people and keep many things in your head.” Cute things in bags, cute sticker, fun lil gifts for folks flying out, smooth brain, happy thoughts.

Garsh, this sounds super cool.   I don't think I've been to a wedding where I got a bag, but what a truly welcoming, kind hearted thing to do.  Very in character for LB!  That's the kind of person I'd like to be, and it's inspiring to see.   You're reminding me how important it is to have community with people you look up to and can learn from.  

 

59 minutes ago, littlebird said:

Coming home and having a little party on here last night, as the Australian/night shift/night owl LB crew popped around from thread to thread supporting each other and having fun. Great welcome home!

haha that was a great time.  Thanks for staying up late and keeping the party rockin'!!!

[littlebird]

2 minutes ago, j1290 said:

1 hour ago, littlebird said:

Also, forgot how limiting it feels to be back in this neighborhood. Unwinding on the front porch feels dangerous, in my travels I got used to feeling safe outdoors.

It's shocking when you come back, isn't it?  I don't want to live with this daily stress anymore.  Why did I ever think this was OK?! 🤨

 

I once had a therapist say that chaotic outsides match the cPTSD hyper-vigilant insides. I'm getting tired of the "is that fireworks or gunshots" game, but so is the rest of America tbh. 

 

4 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Garsh, this sounds super cool.   I don't think I've been to a wedding where I got a bag, but what a truly welcoming, kind hearted thing to do.  Very in character for LB! 

 

It's a destination wedding for most, only a handful will be able to drive in, and I'd been reading that it's gracious to have a welcome bag. It's my favorite part of this process so far by a mile:

• My hyper-vigilance enjoyed planning first aid/hangover supplies for a little "just in case" kit, plus earplugs in case the hotel they're at is loud
• My immunocompromised/dad (with advanced cancer-having dad) hyper-vigilance is including clorox wipes and high quality (individually wrapped) masks as strong hints. It's an outdoor wedding and reception, so I probably don't need to stress, but you know I am baybeeee
• My beach traveling side got colorful turkish towels for everyone, which are thin and dry fast: perfect for the beach-loving nomad
• There is some cute stuff in there too just because it appealed to my inner child and made me smile (thanks, Daiso)
• Gonna hit up the CostCo down near our venue to get snacks for hangry travelers 
• Was going to screenprint canvas drawstring bags for beach going but learned from local wedding last year to keep it simple so that's cut and I'm proud of myself for the edit

 

12 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Thanks for staying up late and keeping the party rockin'!!!

 

With Pristiq turning me up to 11 late at night now, it's easy!! I gotta move this sucker outta this timeslot, I feel like I drank 3 espressos and did cocaine and I dislike both those things so this is a great distraction.

[Thorin]

20 minutes ago, littlebird said:

 

Ha, that would mean I'm comfortable with directly asking for help! 😉

😂 fair

[littlebird]

2 minutes ago, Thorin said:

23 minutes ago, littlebird said:

Ha, that would mean I'm comfortable with directly asking for help! 😉

😂 fair

 

I think I've been confronting big "don't be a burden" stuff lately... if only I could handle it all and not have needs! Hyper-independence as a trauma response? Me?? 😇

[Thorin]

7 minutes ago, littlebird said:

 

I think I've been confronting big "don't be a burden" stuff lately... if only I could handle it all and not have needs! Hyper-independence as a trauma response? Me?? 😇

Sometimes it sounds like our trauma is running in parallel 

[littlebird]

1 minute ago, Thorin said:

Sometimes it sounds like our trauma is running in parallel 

 

Far from the first time life introduced me to someone with parallel healing stuff going on! Which brings me back to the lazy river concept of kicking back more.

 

Maybe we just gotta float and stay on track, and life will float cool people by just in time to help each other along! 

 

It is weird how you, me, and John all had the same dad, but I guess that's why he wasn't around that much? Busy guy! 

 

In all seriousness, I've been thinking a lot about how boomers were socialized (for family visit reasons) and how many parallels there are. Glad as a global society we're talking about trauma more instead of keeping it all inside and passing it down like an heirloom! 

[littlebird]

Okay, I was both enjoying the party and also trying to ride out the worst of the Pristiq activation. I miss when this made me sleepy and out of it. I'm amped. 

 

I don't like how Seroquel runs into the Pristiq, it's a weird moment of meds fighting in my brain as I lie in bed before Seroquel knocks me out. Since moving Wellbutrin and feeling Pristiq fully, it's also really wrecking my sleep: I'm waking up a lot, anxious as hell. Can't believe doctors said this was fine for bedtime.

 

Anywho, I think I need to change this sooner rather than later. Lack of sleep is deeply affecting my life since the change!

 

Not this, this is a fun party (even though I know I'm being bad about bedtime), more the waking up all night and thrashing around. Pristiq has gotta move!

[Thorin]

43 minutes ago, littlebird said:

t is weird how you, me, and John all had the same dad, but I guess that's why he wasn't around that much? Busy guy! 

 

It’s probably really common with that generation. They can be lacking in so many ways and not even be aware of it.

[j1290]

1 hour ago, littlebird said:

I once had a therapist say that chaotic outsides match the cPTSD hyper-vigilant insides. I'm getting tired of the "is that fireworks or gunshots" game, but so is the rest of America tbh. 

 This made me fill the room with laughter 😂  I remember playing that game all too well.   

I never heard that before about the hyper vigilance but that makes all kinds of sense.   A friend of mine said they liked the drama.   I guess that was more revealing than I knew at the time.   

 

1 hour ago, littlebird said:

My hyper-vigilance enjoyed planning first aid/hangover supplies for a little "just in case" kit, plus earplugs in case the hotel they're at is loud

OMG...do you know how well prepared my earthquake backpack is?!?  I can purify water and make a campfire like 6 different ways without matches. 🤪 Pro tip:  snacks like fritos or cheetos are amazing kindling.   

 

1 hour ago, littlebird said:

My beach traveling side got colorful turkish towels for everyone, which are thin and dry fast: perfect for the beach-loving nomad

Brilliant!  

 

1 hour ago, littlebird said:

Was going to screenprint canvas drawstring bags for beach going but learned from local wedding last year to keep it simple so that's cut and I'm proud of myself for the edit

This would have been super cool but as someone who has over extended themselves habitually, I think you saved yourself a lot of energy by putting this on hold.   So smart.   

 

1 hour ago, littlebird said:

Glad as a global society we're talking about trauma more instead of keeping it all inside and passing it down like an heirloom! 

You said a mouthful!

 

[Thorin]

1 hour ago, littlebird said:

Was going to screenprint canvas drawstring bags for beach going but learned from local wedding last year to keep it simple so that's cut and I'm proud of myself for the edit

Wait. I’m a little slow on the uptake at times. Are you having a beach wedding? That sounds wonderful. A San Francisco beach wedding. Now I’m picturing the 60s and 70s and everyone has flowers in their hair.

[littlebird]

I dropped a HUGE wedding ball, pretty much the biggest you could drop. What was I saying to @Thorin again about mistakes happening and being kind to ourselves? Trying to be majorly compassionate, because I haven't been doing so hot, but I've also dropped a lot of balls lately.

[littlebird]

Earthquake! Mild one, made me think I'd put too much heavy stuff in the washer and it hit the spin cycle. Didn't even realize it was earthquake and not laundry until my partner asked if I felt it. 

[littlebird]

Just now, littlebird said:

Earthquake!

 

Made me realize I don't have an emergency med supply in our earthquake kit... I'm gonna want to do that.

[Thorin]

3 hours ago, littlebird said:

I dropped a HUGE wedding ball, pretty much the biggest you could drop. What was I saying to @Thorin again about mistakes happening and being kind to ourselves? Trying to be majorly compassionate, because I haven't been doing so hot, but I've also dropped a lot of balls lately.

I’ve been dropping a lot of balls also…… par for the course I think. We just have to be kind to ourselves when it happens.

[littlebird]

6 hours ago, Thorin said:

I’ve been dropping a lot of balls also…… par for the course I think. We just have to be kind to ourselves when it happens.

 

I was very kind and understanding with myself! Way more compassionate than I might have been in the past. Hoping I can pull it together this month! 

[littlebird]

Log

10am - 26mg Wellbutrin IR

12pm - 97.5mg Gabapentin

2pm - 26mg Wellbutrin IR

4pm - 97.5 Gabapentin

6pm - 26mg Wellbutrin IR

10pm - 97.5 Gabapentin

12am - 100mg Seroquel

 

Skipping Pristiq tonight, moving it to first thing in the morning. Hoping for better sleep tonight from that! I’ve been waking up so much in the night.

 

Gratitude

Picked up a ball I dropped and ran with it, proud of myself for doing so with self-compassion for having made a mistake.

 

Pup’s injury is better! So glad she healed.

 

Talked with a friend today, it made me smile to hear their voice.

[Thorin]

27 minutes ago, littlebird said:

Picked up a ball I dropped and ran with it, proud of myself for doing so with self-compassion for having made a mistake.

Legend

[littlebird]

It's now the season where Mockingbirds sing at night! It made me smile to hear that coming through the darkness as I sat on the porch.

[Thorin]

Just now, littlebird said:

It's now the season where Mockingbirds sing at night! It made me smile to hear that coming through the darkness as I sat on the porch.

Ok. What’s a mockingbird? Does it mimic other sounds? You should check out our lyrebirds. Have a couple of funny stories about them…..

[Thorin]

Ok cool. Found out what one is and that there’s about 14 species of them. But only one in America? Is that right.

[FireflyFyte]

8 hours ago, littlebird said:

Skipping Pristiq tonight, moving it to first thing in the morning. Hoping for better sleep tonight from that! I’ve been waking up so much in the night.

 

How was your sleep? Any complications from skipping the Pristiq?

[littlebird]

3 hours ago, FireflyFyte said:

How was your sleep?

Slept through the whole night! It would appear Pristiq was the culprit with that one. We'll see how it hits in the morning! How are you doing?

[littlebird]

Anorexia kicking into high gear with wedding coming in hot. Trying to eat anyway, I need to keep my energy and strength up.

[littlebird]

Log

I slept so well!!!!! Slept through the night for the first time in awhile. Good move

10am - 25mg Pristiq

11am - this upper hitting better in the day, got a surge of energy and went for a walk

12pm - 26mg Wellbutrin IR

1:30pm - Oh nooooo, the Pristiq sleepy feeling. So it WAS the Wellbutrin interacting! Maybe need to take Gabapentin after it? Wait, can’t do that, then I’d be taking Wellbutrin at 10pm. Damn. Wish I could just stop taking this one!

2pm - 97.5mg Gabapentin

4pm - 26mg Wellbutrin IR

6pm - 97.5mg Gabapentin

8pm - 26mg Wellbutrin IR

10pm - 25mg Pristiq

12am - 100mg Seroquel

 

Therapy was rough today! Probably won’t get another round approved, gonna miss this guy. Kaiser is so bad with mental health!

 

Gratitude

I can't tell you how much a good night's sleep helped! Hoping to make that a trend.

 

Walked a fair amount today!

 

Really enjoyed the plum and cherry blossoms everywhere.

[littlebird]

Another day, another doctor telling me to cold turkey something. This time Gabapentin. I'm gonna pass on that advice!

[littlebird]

I feel so much better not having Pristiq amping me up at night. Feeling myself wind down for that midnight med bedtime naturally, which is great. I slept so well last night y'all!!! 🤠

[FireflyFyte]

8 hours ago, littlebird said:

Another day, another doctor telling me to cold turkey something. This time Gabapentin. I'm gonna pass on that advice!

 

Ugh! Glad you know better to not cold turkey but so irresponsible of them to recommend it.

 

7 hours ago, littlebird said:

I feel so much better not having Pristiq amping me up at night. Feeling myself wind down for that midnight med bedtime naturally, which is great. I slept so well last night y'all!!! 🤠

 

Glad that the Pristiq move is working for you. Good sleep can be key 😴

[littlebird]

@getofflex @Altostrata I moved Pristiq to the morning as it was disrupting my sleep, it's been great for sleep (sleeping through the night for the first time in awhile) but is bumping into Wellbutrin in a very real way.

 

Wondering if I could go back to 2 doses a day of Wellbutrin, and if Pristiq will be less powerful later in the day or if as a sustained release it'll bump into Wellbutrin wherever I take it. I've been confused as all get out when Wellbutrin kicks in, it's really bad.

[Altostrata]

How are you measuring your Wellbutrin doses?

 

What drug changes have you made in the last 2 weeks, with dates and dosages?