Gonzo: Sertraline 50mg chaos and withdrawal

February 27

When I stopped taking Sertraline I started caring about things that I didn't care about when drugged but that I should had cared about, I think that is a big reason why that (traumatic) breakup happened, that relationship and romance happened while I was drugged. There are many stories of people that take these drugs and have relationship breakups when stopping taking them. My personality and identity and perception of reality (and time) were chemically disordered by the drug, I have no doubt about it, until I stopped taking the pills.

I think things are going now in the right direction. Fingers crosses. I made a huge effort, but definitely the withdrawal heal process and readjusting can't be rushed, it takes the time it needs to.

I also see that I repeated many things in my previous posts, psychiatry would say that it's a disordered behavior and would shame them, shame me, and try to suppress them and myself, but they're not, I needed and need to repeat things 10000 times to feel better, to find validation, to reassure myself and confirm my reality, to heal my trauma and recover, how can psychiatry know all this and find the meaning behind my obsessive-compulsive behaviors if it doesn't give a damn about my trauma or deliberately ignores it?

These obsessive-compulsive behaviors are "dysfuntional" (psychiatric moral judgement) coping strategies rooted in trauma and when I overcome and resolve the trauma they will go away, they won't be needed anymore. And they're not the problem as psychiatry says anyway, just a reaction to trauma, to what happened to me and happen to me but I never could resolve and wasn't allowed to, because of the psychiatric indoctrination, trauma and intervention, and also because of my family.

My obsessive-compulsive behaviors are meaningful and I reject to feel shame and to be shamed anymore just because I have these obsessive-compulsive behaviors, I'm not an obsessive-compulsive person, that is NOT my identity, I don't give a **** what psychiatry says or if other people don't get them. Psychiatry is all about suppressing not healing, is about stopping people from being annoying or disturbing for others, it's all about social control, social homeostasis through oppressive and alienating means and fawning/submission.

When I stopped taking Sertraline, recovered my real emotions, feelings and needs and reconnected with reality, after the Sertraline fake reality and chemical deception came to an end, I resumed the natural meaning-making process and trauma healing, this is what my withdrawal and this thread are mostly about, about making sense of what happened to me to heal my trauma and recovering. This means that in some cases withdrawal can be much more than just a list of physical and psychological symptoms that disappear after certain amount of time, it means that without finding meaning again true and deep recovery and healing can not happen, specially when trapped in the mental health system/industry, indoctrinated/brainwashed in its toxic, meaningless, hopeless, oppressive, nihilistic and alienating meaning framework and sick mentality, institutionalized, etc.

February 27

The harm that psychiatry inflicted to me was devastating, in my lowest point, when I was most vulnerable, overwhelmed and the most needed of help I was, it destroyed me, it changed my life forever, for the absolute worst, in a way that I never wanted.

The more intense the reactions, the feelings, the thought flow, the behaviors, the emotions, the worst the trauma, the more traumatizing the relational environment, and the more pathologized "abnormal" people are.

I learned all this the hard way.

But I never gave up. And I never surrendered. At the end, I always resisted.

February 27

Psychiatry is emotional stupidity, and mental retardation, and evil.

February 27

I've been trapped in a never ending postraumatic crisis for the past 8 years of my life, it could have ended in 2017, had psychiatry given me validation, but it didn't, what it did was to transform that crisis in a chronic mental and emotional state, aggravating it through the revictimization/trauma it inflicted to me, its indoctrination/brainwashing that is all about self-suppressing and Sertraline chemical deception and suppression of my trauma (that I needed to reprocess to heal and recover), my true feelings and emotions and retraumatizating withdrawal. I see it crystal clear now. It's insane how psychiatry it's supposed to help people, to help erradicate suffering in the world, being "medicine", and at the end it just creates a lot more suffering for a lot of people with its madness, oppression and brutal gaslighting.

The trauma is the context for a lot of mental health patients/clients and without acknowledging it nothing makes sense, everything becomes illogical, meaningless, absurd, so how can you help anyone if you can't understand what happened or happens? It's impossible, you can't reach that person, became you can't connect. And if you try to use the same approach that medicine does (biomedical model) then you see symptoms of "mental illnesses" and "disorders" everywhere, you just pathologize too many normal experiences of the human condition and become a crazy oppressive doctor/therapists that tries to suppress all those "symptoms" through psychiatric drugs/"medicine" and or psychotheraphy and as a result you just suppress and alter chemically/brainwash people that have normal, legitimate, understandable and logical emotions, feelings, behaviors reactions, thoughts, etc. It's insane. And without even having medical evidence or scientific validity to legitimize all these interventions.

That crisis that psychiatry made a chronic condition because it made impossible for me to find closure, heal my trauma and recover, will end, now that I can identify it and finally understand it, and it will do sooner than later.

Psychiatry had no right to do this to me and to my life, it intoxicated my brain with its poisonous drug, my mind with its poisonous ideas and my life with its traumatizing madness.

February 28

I just finished reading your story,… I admire the courage anyone has to recuperate from these drugs…

all the best to you on your healing journey! 👍🏻👍🏻😊

February 28

Thank you very much @kaylaq, it's not finished by any means, but I'm much closer to the finish line than before. I hope you're doing well in your healing journey.

This postraumatic crisis I've been describing lately and in my first post is basically a very intense fight-flight reaction, so I've been having a never ending postraumatic fight-flight reaction for the past 8 years and half, since 2015 minimum, even when I was drugged, I simply disconnected from it.

With Sertraline I had a fake inner peace and stability, I was chemically suppressed and deceived, suffering medical spellbinding, I didn't even know, I was totally ignorant as well, I was unconscious, no one told me, it all ended when its effects became to wear off and of course specially when I stopped taking it cold turkey, and the postraumatic crisis that I was still immersed in but disconnected from resumed.

Psychiatry made me mentally and emotionally stupid, retarded, and lose all logic in my actions.

February 28

I think one of the most important things I need to do now that I'm recovered most of my lost meaning is to normalize my emotions and relationship with them, something that I never did for multiple reasons. Emotions are meaningful, useful and logical, and not wrong or bad, specially when you're not drugged, they have a purpose, they're direct reactions to what happens around you and to you, in the relational and physical environment, and they tell the truth. To reject emotions is to reject the truth and reality, to gaslight yourself or others or to be gaslighted. They can come from the past or the present, they can be very distressing, confusing, chaotic, overwhelming, difficult to understand, unpredictable, etc, but what matters the most is that they're there for a reason, and that if you resist to them and create inner barriers they only get stronger, more intense and louder and it can comes to a point where they can hijack your mind and life and get into you in trouble in this ***** up oppresive and alienating individualistic society and culture. Psychiatry doesn't exist to help you process these emotions, to find their true causes, to solve the issues that are or caused them, but to suppress them, and mainstream psychology is mostly the same, a copypaste of psychiatry. These emotions are temporary, if you accept and understand them, they come and go, they are e-motions, energy in motion, but if you create inner resistance for them, if you reject them, try to suppress them or ignore them they become chronic and scream louder to be heard, the same can be said if their causes are never addressed. Emotions are messengers, and are designed to be heard and seen not only by yourself but by others, we are social creatures and most of us need others to survive and thrive in life, that's why individualism is so harmful and in lots of ways unnatural. If you reject emotions, if you don't understand them, accept or tolerate them, if you can't find their meaning, you can't regulate them, and you're in denial, no matter if they're yours or not, they become gradually more and more intense, and without external emotional validation there is no closure, you get stuck in the healing process, trapped with the trauma, unable to process it, I'm an example of it.

February 28

I've been shamed for my emotions and reactions most of my life, for being too "intense", "abnormal".

8 years ago I wanted to overcome my internal war (of my trauma, traumatic shame and guilt) and with the world (because of the capitalistic indoctrination that makes everyone compete with everyone and to create enemies).

I ended up believing the self-defeating messages of my postraumatic feelings and emotions, I should have accept them, normalize them, but not believe them.

Emotions and feelings are right but can be problematic.

February 28

8 years ago I wanted to put my head in order, due to the self-destructive and disturbing message that my emotions and traumatic feelings were sending me and that I ended up believing.

I guess I was looking for a new perspective and way to live my life, a better way, more peaceful. And to rest from so much inner war and relational conflict, with my social and family environment. I had a lot of inner conflict, that was my postraumatic feelings and emotions, all the overwhelming shame and guilt.

If you try to control your emotions you're self-suppressing. I'm not talking about managing them, but controlling them.

8 years ago I wanted to put order in my head, due to the self-destructive, distressing and disturbing messages that my postraumatic emotions and feelings sent me and that I ended up believing, I needed and sought to have peace of mind knowing that my relational environment (because of family dynamics and individualistic culture) was never going to change, and to do so I needed a new mentality, a new perspective, that I tried to find, and one that were not individualistic, nor resigned, but to have one with hope and full of meaning, and from there I came into direct conflict with the individualistic society and culture and it crushed me like a worm. I just wanted to overcome my internal war and with the world.

I never liked to be individualistic and stupidly aggressive/dominating but it's how society forced me to be, what I learned, suffering, and what I had to do to survive. So I tried to find a different path, to frame things differently, a new meaning framework, to live a better life, more peacefully with myself and others, to have inner peace.

February 28

I had to be individualistic and stupidly aggressive/dominating to suffer less and to not be revictimized, to be successful and to survive in this capitalistic and individualistic society and culture. So I tried to find a different path, to frame things differently, a new meaning framework, to live a better life, more peacefully with myself and others, to have peace of mind. I was tired of being on guard all the time, on tension, fighting my inner demons but never being able to win the battle, and of fighting against people for no good reason when we could just be friends and work together for a bigger end, for a better future. All those postraumatic feelings, emotions and reactions developed then into a postraumatic crisis and a meaning/existential/identity crisis. I asked myself that's the meaning of all these painful feelings and emotions, specially if they seem unrelated to my present life circumstances, even if those circumstances have improved? Why do I feel "that way"? Why do I had to behave, react, and be "like that", to be aggressive, dominating, to compete, to live this way? Why all this internal and external conflict and never ending fighting and violence? What is the meaning of all this? What's the meaning of my life then? I was tired of feeling that bad and I wanted something different, better, to have meaning in my life, to reconnect with myself, and I gave everything I had to find it, to have it. If my relational environment was sh*tty and not changing, then I had to do something to have a better life.

February 28

I think what harmed me the most about Sertraline was the chemical deception, to make it feel, think and belief that the trauma was finally in past when it actually wasn't, so when that chemical deception came to an end and I came back to the painful reality it devastated me, it knocked me out in a way that I couldn't reprocess what I lived and live in the present reality.

I needed to find new meaning in my life, 8 years ago, to feel safe, to rest, to relax, to overcome and heal my trauma and that's what I tried to do, I gave everything I had with that objective in mind.

This what I'm doing here is all about rebuilding my life story and narrative, which psychiatry totally destroyed.

February 28

Psychiatry pathologized, devalued and invalidated my identity, my meaning framework, my personal belief and value system, my goals and my personal needs.

I already had a desperate need for validation before my psychiatric intervention, but after it happened it became a silent scream.

My postraumatic crisis and reactions never ended because of psychiatry, but without external emotional validation how the hell do you overcome it?

February 28

Gonzo Have you ever been to a psychotherapist, they offer non-drug therapies that can help with trauma. I was about to go there too before my financial situation worsened.

February 28

Yes @checco, I did for years. It didn't help me, because most therapists are brainwashed/indoctrinated into the psychiatric paradigm, so they pathologize the human condition. Mainstream psychology is a copypaste of psychiatry and its toxic individualism, they see, "diagnose" and "treat" the same mental "disorders/illnesses" "symptoms". In fact, it was very harmful for me. There are some good therapists out there but it's a Russian roulette and I don't want to play it anymore.

February 28

Gonzo Psychology non è una scienza esatta, seguendo diversi psicologi su YouTube potrai notare come ogni affermazione o metodo cambi da psicologo a psicologo. Ho seguito un giovane psicologo che mi ha fatto riflettere su tante cose.

February 28

I know @checco, some of them are cool as I said and can be very helpful. I got very deeply into psychology for years and I don't want to anymore. It's not for me. Mainstream psychology is indoctrination and gaslighting but it's unknown to most people. And the paradigm that most psychologists follow, the psychiatric biomedical model, is not even science at all, it's just a pseudoscientific belief system and scientificism, they just pathologize the human condition, so there really is a problem with lots of therapists, they're seen as "experts" when in fact they just repeat the same psychiatric emotional stupidity and meaningless bullsh*t. Anyway, I'm glad you found some use in psychology. The thing is, as humans, we need to understand, and people think that psychiatry/(mainstream)psychology is science, that it tells the objective truth, but it's not, for a lot of different reasons, it's a fraud.

Psychiatry and (mainstream) psychology only amplified my life problems, they made it 1000 times worse.

February 28

I read your discussion and recall how every psychotherapist I've been to has told me to take SSRIs. ( I have been to about 4) . I was unlucky that I didn't come across one who told me about the danger ,
Now that I have lost my health they are no longer necessary to me , because I can see what I am rubbing

I watched the Italian movie "Chiara" today Francis in it said :When I lose my eyesight more and more I see the beauty of the world".

February 28

I'm sorry @modelarz71, this is more common than I ever imagined.

February 28

I didn't know why psychologists recommend taking psychotropic drugs, those I followed were not in favor of psychotropic drugs for everyone but only in extreme cases. From what you say I'll start be more relieved that I didn't go.

February 28

Yes, in fact, my last psychologist, just before I left the mental health system/industry, and he was a public psychologist by the way, told me that he knew only a handful of good therapists.

I have to remember myself why I'm here: antideppresants withdrawal is real, and no one warned me about it, so when it happened to me I was not prepared at all to face it and it devastated me. Internet most websites, repeating the same psychiatry and Big Pharma bullsh*t gaslighted and misleaded me, and delayed my recovery for years too.

Because this is what psychiatry and mainstream psychology is about: lies, corruption, gaslighting, oppression, alienation, individuals suppression, indoctrination and drugs abuse.

I could say that I abused a drug, Sertraline, because of psychiatry malice, to the point that I developed a physical dependency, that's my withdrawal happened. This is ******* insane if you think about it for a minute, as it happens to millions of others, and that's what my emotions have been screaming to me since I stopped taking Sertraline: "this is madness! This is crazy!". But I wasn't able to understand them. Now I can.

The meaning of your life issues and their solutions are not in psychiatry, but in what happened to you or happens to you.

Sertraline made me hypersensitive to stress after quitting, it made me loose all tolerance.

I guess what I describe here, my experience, the mental and emotional chaos of my withdrawal, can be defined as brain fog too. In any case it's much better now.

February 28

I want to repeat this again: people suffer withdrawals because they have been abusing a drug to the point that their bodies forgot how to function without the drug, it no longer can, which means that their bodies developed a physical dependency through drug abuse and can't self-regulate anymore without the drug.

This is what happens or happened to everyone here suffering withdrawals, me included of course.

It's INSANE.

It's specially perverse because most of us didn't have informed consent so we totally ignored that psychiatric drugs can cause withdrawals, the doctors never told us about it. This is why psychiatry is so harmful, it's evil, malpractice, it doesn't help to erradicate suffering, it creates more suffering for too many people, victims of psychiatry.

In cases like my case, people that didn't have choice but to take the drug to recover their freedom, being locked down, under coerccion, forced, etc, it's extremely disturbing and harmful, you can clearly see that psychiatry is evil.

We are victims of psychiatry, we didn't even know, most of us at least, that we were abusing of a drug, that we were basically addicts without cravings, we were drug abusers, without knowing it.

This is so twisted, so evil.

We thought we were just taking a harmless "medicine".

I was addicted to Sertraline, that means that I was a drug abuser, a junkie, reason why I suffered withdrawal, because my body developed a physical dependency to the drug and forgot how to function, cope with reality and self-regulate without it. This is the Sertraline chaos I've been describing for months. Again, I wasn't aware of any of this because psychiatry didn't tell me ****, the bastards.

February 29

It just blows my mind.

Not only I was chemically deceived and suppressed but addicted as well, a drug abuser, and I didn't even know I was, suffering medical spellbinding too.

One day society will fully realize all this madness, it desperately needs to.

February 29

Yes, it is!! 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

February 29

I have to let go my (traumatic) past, to stop analyzing it, trying to understand it, to find answers, meaning and solutions to the problems in my life in it. It's not going to change no matter how. I need to, to move foward in my life. This is something I started doing obsessive-compulsively 8 years ago, immersed in that postraumatic/existential/meaning/identity crisis, feeling all those overwhelming postraumatic feelings and emotions that hijacked my present, my mind, and life. I obssesed because no one understood me and I knew no one could and that if I tried to find external emotional validation and understanding I would be oppressed, alienated, gaslighted, etc, so I had to do all this by myself, so these obsessive-compulsive behaviors were all individualistic coping behaviors or "dysfuntional" coping that I was forced to use trapped in an individualistic society and culture, so actually it's not that my obsessive-compulsive behaviors are or were the problem but the lack of external emotional validation and understanding, the lack of true support and human connection.

Psychiatry forced me to be an addict, just like it does to millions of others.

We had substance use "disorder", using the same psychiatric terms that they use.

February 29

Literally, the way we took the drugs, because of psychiatry, chemically disordered our mind and body to the point of addiction/physical dependency, that's why withdrawal happened, we were intoxicated by them.

Reality, people, places... Everything seems more natural now but unknown to me, I feel more connected to everything. I can clearly see now the chemical deception/medical spellbinding of. Sertraline, when I took it I was still immersed in that postraumatic crisis but high, numbed down, sedated, etc, do I couldn't really feel it and suffer it or not a lot, but it was definitely there and I was unable to overcome it and move on with my life.

Psychiatry destroyed me at a time of extreme vulnerability, when I needed help the most. I was not weak or disordered or mentally ill, I was going through a logical and understandable crisis due to all the trauma that I had accumulated and unprocessed, the same trauma that society caused me and that psychiatry then deliberately ignored, pathologizing and stigmatizing me for my post-traumatic reactions. That overwhelming trauma made me "dysfunctional" and to overcome my trauma I needed to get out of my individualistic mentality (that actually protected me from being revictimized, for example, from the psychiatric oppression, because if I act "normal" no one is going to suspect of me and oppress me) to find validation, connect with others, feel safe, secure, and by relaxing, release all the post-traumatic stress that was not letting me relax and rest. Psychiatry made my post-traumatic crisis chronic, I was never able to even begin to heal while I was drugged and trapped in the mental health system/industry.

Actually, I knew 8 years ago that I could be "functional", but I didn't want to live just to be "functional", to be "normal", and to suffer greatly ignoring all my trauma in doing so, I wanted to have meaning and purpose in my life, I didn't want to have a meaningless existence, just to please others and to consume things, I wanted to live healthy and fully, but no one understood me, what I was trying to achieve.

February 29

There is logic and meaning behind every human action, they're reactions, to what happens around us, expect when we are heavily drugged or suffering real medical brain diseases, then there is no meaning, it's just abnormal, disordered and broken brains doing its best to survive.

Psychiatry is organized gaslighting.

What I'm doing is just recovering my meaning framework, that psychiatry destroyed when I was extremely vulnerable.

I'm just recovering my lost meaning, the logic behind each one of my actions and reactions, present and past.

That is extremely difficult, exhausting and important because most of these things happened 8-7 years ago and I was very overwhelmed and confused immersed in my postraumatic crisis.

When I lost my personal meaning framework in 2017 because of the psychiatric intervention I didn't know what to do anymore with my life, I lost my inner compass, my perception of my personal worth, my life's story, etc, but because I was drugged, high, numbed down, sedated, I didn't care, I just lived in autopilot mode.

February 29

In 4 months I'll be 28, which seems insane because I feel like I'm like 20-24, it's like if my mind got stuck in 2020-2019, or before. I really didn't notice the passing of time and how I and the rest of people aged, when I took Sertraline, it's disgusting what that drug did to me.

I can now say for sure that I couldn't recover, to relax, to calm down, to rest, because I was trapped in the same postraumatic crisis for the past 8+ years, that psychiatry aggravated with its revictimization, the retraumatizing Sertraline withdrawal and the psychiatric indoctrination/brainwashing, and which psychiatry freezed in time. Also, my oppresive and alienating narcissistic family environment never helped me, in fact, it made it even worse with its abuse. While I was trapped in the mental health system/industry, which is all about gaslighting and suppressing individuals and their reactions, that it's just more of the same toxic individualism of this toxic individualistic society and culture, deliberately ignoring my trauma and never acknowledging my postraumatic crisis and never validating my "symptoms" as postraumatic reactions, healing was impossible.

I've been crawling out of that psychological, alienating and oppresive hell since I stopped taking Sertraline, with lots of ups and downs.

February 29

When I took Sertraline I was still immersed in my postraumatic crisis but disconnected from my trauma, because I was chemically deceived and suppressed by the drug, and I didn't know about any of this. In addition of this, I was suffering an unknown to me then substance abuse "disorder", I became physically dependant of the drug, reason why the withdrawal happened. This means that I was going to suffer a retraumazating withdrawal when wearing off the drug effect or when stopping taking it. Also, withdrawal and physical dependence means that your body-mind can not adjust and deal with reality and function without the drug, this is why all this hellish chaos happens.

All this happened without informed consent.

This is medical malpractice, I even told my psychiatrist that I thought I had PTS"D" for multiple reasons, but he deliberately ignored me.

I need to remark this.

We should be more aware that this is a crime.

February 29

I just remembered, 8+ years ago, before the psychiatric intervention, I felt in danger, specially around people, I couldn't relax, I need to feel safe, to rest, to be productive, efective, to be "functional", to have a better life, to thrive, to survive. It seemed illogical to me. It was a problem that I couldn't comprehend and that I needed to solve, so I did my best to do so, on my own, I gave everything I had. But I obsessed with solving it too, it possesed me.

February 29

I was not weak before my psychiatric intervention, in fact, I was the opposite, I had endured a lot and I was able to move foward in my life, I got stronger, I developed a strong character, I had a strong spirit. I was just in a very vulnerable mental and emotional state, going through a crisis. Psychiatry made me weak, and a junkie, I forgot how to cope with reality, how to adjust to it, I lost my stress tolerance, my ability to deal mental distress, my coping skills.

I lost all the perspective because of psychiatry, my meaning framework, completely.

Sertraline confused me, it deceived my brain, now I can clearly sed how much fake my Sertraline reality was. If I accept that my personality, identity, character, spirit and reality were all distorted while I took Sertraline, chemically altered, disordered, suppressed, perverted, etc, everything becomes easier to understand, more logical, meaningful.

Psychiatry crushed my soul, at my lowest point.

But it wasn't able to defeat me.

February 29

Sertraline made impossible for me to (re)adjust to reality and when I stopped taking it cold turkey reality became totally overwhelming, so much that I still wasn't able to (re)adjust to it, it was unbearable.

The psychiatric malpractice regarding drug prescription has at least four different layers:

1. Lack of informed consent.

2. Deliberately ignoring trauma and pathologizing the postraumatic reactions and crises (gaslighting).

3. Not acknowledging withdrawal even when it happens, frequently talking about "relapse symptoms" of the mental "illness/disorder" instead.

4. Withdrawal can become a retraumazating experience if unprocessed trauma was present before taking the drug but not recognized, because the drug can make people disconnect from the trauma, deceiving them, when in reality it's never resolved and comes back when the drug effects wears off or quitting, this ensures a retraumazating withdrawal.

5. People become drug addicts/substance abusers of these drugs not even knowing it because of psychiatry corruption, lies and malice.

Sertraline made it impossible for me to adapt to this individualistic society and culture in a way that was satisfactory to me, in a meaningful way.

I'm remembering some theories I had forgotten about my life issues. Maybe I'll writte about them.

I need to accept once of all that the reality that I experienced while I was taking Sertraline was fake, distorted, to overcome the chemical deception and chemical brain fog that harmed me so much, the confusion, even if it's painful, now I live in reality, this is the real world, the same I lived in before my psychiatric intervention, the one I needed and wanted to adjust to, to live my better life.

I never wanted to live in a fake reality, but I was forced to, because no one helped me to overcome that painfully overwhelming postraumatic crisis.

I need to overcome that postraumatic crisis, to be mindful of its presence and power over my life, like I did before psychiatry, so I can face it and finally heal. There is nothing wrong or abnormal with me, it was and is a logical and understandable crisis.

Yeah, I got stuck in problem solving mode, obsessed, since 2015, because I never accepted my postraumatic feelings and emotions and I never resolved my postraumatic crisis.

February 29

I'm realizing what my "Pure O OCD" "diagnosis" really means: it means that people don't connect with me and don't understand/accept my struggles, that they don't validate my trauma, that I'm annoying or disturbing for others, that I'm not understood, and because of that, I'm on my own to self-soothe and fix those issues, it's an individualistic ("dysfuntional") coping mechanism trapped in an individualistic and toxic society and culture that psychiatry with its power, toxic individualistic approach and lack of empathy and understanding of the human condition pathologizes. So yeah, it's just gaslighting and oppression, obsessive-compulsive behaviors are just reactions and if they're pathologized and stigmatized, seen as THE problem, then what caused or cause them is never addressed, and it all becomes about (self-)suppressing individual pathologized reactions, behaviors, thoughts, feelings, emotions, and individuals.

I associated my "OCD diagnosis" with my postraumatic crisis for the past years because of psychiatry so I needed to get rid of my "OCD", to heal or overcome it (seeing it as the cause of my issues, indoctrinated/brainwashed by psychiatry) and to avoid suffering the same thing all over again.

I need to reconnect with my pre-psychiatry reality, to finish that readjusting process.

February 29

I'm remembering my attitude and behaviors in my family while I took Sertraline. I became more passive and apathetic towards their abusive behaviors and I disconnected from my real needs, I tolerated things that I wouldn't normally and I didn't move in the direction that I needed in my life, towards empowerment and independence, towards freedom, because of Sertraline effectiveness. I just didn't care about those things, I just wanted to make them "happy", I wasn't conflictive for the most part, I was very indulgent and I didn't do what I needed to do, to fight for what was right, legitimate, for what I deserved. That's not my real identity, that's not how I really am. I didn't deserve any of this. I wouldn't be like this, behind everyone else, if it wasn't for psychiatry and Sertraline (drug abuse). My real life stopped in February 2017, when the psychiatric intervention happened.

I got stuck in my postraumatic crisis with all those postraumatic feelings and emotions, with all the overwhelming shame, guilt, anxiety, fear, sadness, anger, etc. For 8 years.

When my retraumazating withdrawal happened (at the same time that that traumatic breakup) I lost all the fake Sertraline stability that I had in my life, this happened because of psychiatry malpractice.

Sertraline stabilized me, but it was fake, and unwanted. I never wanted to have fake, synthetic, artificial stability in my life, but real and natural stability, through the search of meaning and purpose and the healing of my trauma. Sertraline chemical stability was achieved suppressing me, my intensity, my gifts, myself, disordering my personality, altering my identity.

I guess 8 years ago I was looking for stability as well. I didn't have emotional and mental stability, and I did not have balance in my life, too much unprocessed trauma and oppression and alienation in my own family, unable to escape.

February 29

When I stopped taking Sertraline cold turkey I suddenly recovered my real emotions and emotional intensity, together with the postraumatic emotions and feelings of the postraumatic crisis that I was still immersed in and that was resumed. I also recovered my real needs.

That's one of the biggest reasons why that "relationship" went downhill the moment I stopped taking Sertraline cold turkey, she was abusive and we met when I was taking the drug, so when I stopped taking it I just started caring about things that I didn't care before, and I stopped tolerating her abusive behaviors, the problem is that I was "in love" with her and I really needed her for my wellbeing, even if she was abusive, so I clung to her, sadly, I obsessed with her. I tried to find out what the hell was happening to me and to fix it, I even thought it was my "OCD" what was wrong and I tried to explain it to her, but she didn't listen and left me. I was extremely confused, overwhelmed, hijacked by the intensity of my emotions and feelings. It was a retraumazating withdrawal what was happening to me, what was wrong, and not "OCD". It was a hot mess. Breakups like mine are not uncommon when people quit the drugs.

I resisted using and getting stuck in individualistic "dysfunctional" coping strategies for as long as I could, until I couldn't take it anymore and I finally did it during withdrawal, it was too intense and overwhelmed me.

I had such an amount of unprocessed traumas and reppressed (post-)traumatic feelings and emotions in 2014-2015, and finally hell let loose.

I feel things are finally moving in the right direction.

March 1

I isolated myself 8 years ago to understand and resolve my trauma and move forward in my life free of psychological obstacles, to reach my full potential. I needed to find meaning and purpose to feel safe, and to relax, to calm down, to rest, to know what to do in my life and to have inner peace, after so many years of emotional suffering.

I lost all meaning in my life, in 2017. I found it, I had the meaning and purpose that I craved, but psychiatry brutally oppressed, revictimized and invalidated me at my lowest point, it devastated me, psychologically and chemically, when I was the most vulnerable and desperately needed external emotional validation, to overcome my postraumatic crisis, when I had abandoned my protective individualistic mindset and belief system in order to be able to receive that validation, to connect with others.

This is the most damaging thing that psychiatry did to me, I'm still recovering from that brutal gaslighting, recovering my lost meaning, my personal meaning framework that psychiatry obliterated.

With Sertraline I lacked critical thinking, and the toolbox to deal with its retraumatizating withdrawal.

March 1

I'm fighting to free my mind, to free myself, from the psychiatric intoxicating ideas.

Gonzo: Sertraline 50mg chaos and withdrawal

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