Ninabird: Effexor withdrawal?

[KenA]

3 hours ago, Ninabird said:

@KenA

i just don’t understand how such a small drop of .001 could make me feel so icky. I think, “will they all be like this?!” “ will it get worse?”

I am a pretty positive and goofy lady. I want ME back. The person I’ve become during WD is not me at all. 
You are great at speaking the truth and motivating. I appreciate you and your kind words, Ken. 

Yep, it's crazy how these drugs effect us in the strangest of ways. Trust me, the old you is just waiting inside to come back out and be vibrant and alive once again one day. I always thought of it like a catapillar hunkering down in it's caccon for a seaon and one day I would spread my wings and fly. For some reason that thought comforted me. Just remember that no matter what you go through, you are going to be OK!! You can handle it

 

Ken

[Ninabird]

It’s been a mixed bag the last couple of days. I’m on day 7 of my last drop. The mornings have been the most challenging. Saturday was high anxiety then it calmed down in the afternoon until bedtime. Sunday was easier in the morning. I had a few blips of “I’m going crazy,” feeling. The afternoon was ok. Had a stressful couple of hours from 2-3 that caused my head to feel a lot of burning and pressure. Decided to go to my friends home and chat outside ( they have an acreage where there is beautiful scenery) and the pressure came down. Last night sleep was interrupted at 3 then 4 and have been up since. 
It’s been a very long time since I have woke up wanting to cry into my pillow. Today I feel sad. I’m feeling like I’m mourning time lost to WD. I’m thankful that I’m able to work and push through some really tough days ( a lot of days w the help of SA friends) some days I stare blankly at my computer screen and want to cry hysterically. Being brave and pushing through is not an easy task. Having WD is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. 
todsy I just need encouragement from others in the ring and from those who have come out and are living life on the other side. 
God bless you all. 

[Ninabird]

@Frogie do you think I am getting worse?

[Frogie]

@Ninabird

 

No, I don't believe you are getting worse. You are probably experiencing a wave.

 

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

 

It takes the body and brain 7-10 days to register a drop in the medication. 

 

I would hold a few more days and see how you feel.

[Chlo]

4 hours ago, Ninabird said:

It’s been a mixed bag the last couple of days. I’m on day 7 of my last drop. The mornings have been the most challenging. Saturday was high anxiety then it calmed down in the afternoon until bedtime. Sunday was easier in the morning. I had a few blips of “I’m going crazy,” feeling. The afternoon was ok. Had a stressful couple of hours from 2-3 that caused my head to feel a lot of burning and pressure. Decided to go to my friends home and chat outside ( they have an acreage where there is beautiful scenery) and the pressure came down. Last night sleep was interrupted at 3 then 4 and have been up since. 
It’s been a very long time since I have woke up wanting to cry into my pillow. Today I feel sad. I’m feeling like I’m mourning time lost to WD. I’m thankful that I’m able to work and push through some really tough days ( a lot of days w the help of SA friends) some days I stare blankly at my computer screen and want to cry hysterically. Being brave and pushing through is not an easy task. Having WD is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. 
todsy I just need encouragement from others in the ring and from those who have come out and are living life on the other side. 
God bless you all. 

You've got this my friend!! You are a very strong women and you always encourage me to hold on because a window is just around the corner. This feeling will pass, it always does. Hold tight, sweetheart, the evening is coming. I love you and have said prayers for you ❤️

[Ninabird]

2 hours ago, Chlo said:

You've got this my friend!! You are a very strong women and you always encourage me to hold on because a window is just around the corner. This feeling will pass, it always does. Hold tight, sweetheart, the evening is coming. I love you and have said prayers for you ❤️

I absolutely adore you my friend. You are always so supportive and loving. Thank you for your prayers. I love that you love God as much as I do. Bless you for your prayers. I pray for you too. 

 

[Ninabird]

3 hours ago, Frogie said:

No, I don't believe you are getting worse. You are probably experiencing a wave.

 

Could I potentially be experiencing Klonopin tolerance? I will accept that it is just a wave if you think so.

[Frogie]

@Ninabird

 

I really think it is a wave. 

 

Let me know how you are in a couple of days. Then we will know what may be going on.

[Ninabird]

18 hours ago, Frogie said:

Let me know how you are in a couple of days. Then we will know what may be going on

 

Last night after taking my Klonopin was easier. I even slept pretty good. Today seems a touch better than yesterday but today my anxiety is at an 8. It has been a while since it has been this high.I still have pain in my head but not as bad as yesterday.

[Frogie]

@Ninabird

 

Sounds like your wave is letting up a little.

 

I hope you will feel better in the next couple days or so.

[Ninabird]

16 hours ago, Frogie said:

 

@Ninabird

 

Sounds like your wave is letting up a little.

 

I hope you will feel better in the next couple days or so.

 

Nope. Yesterday my anxiety shot up to a new level. I was at a ten for over two hours. It came down to a 4 for the rest of the day. My head felt so fuzzy and I feel like I was going to break. I woke up at 12 and then 4am w anxiety. Today it’s starting back up again. 
 @Frogie I’m trying hard to not get scared and think I’m going to spiral. This can’t be over the .001 drop?! 

[Frogie]

@Ninabird

 

It can be caused by a .001 mg drop, but unlikely.

 

Do you feel you need to go back up the .001 mg and then hold a few days and see how you feel?

 

Have you kept notes for a few days? That can often tell us what is going on.

 

Keep Notes on Paper

 

 

[Ninabird]

5 hours ago, Frogie said:

can be caused by a .001 mg drop, but unlikely.

A few SA friends think I am still dealing w the fast tapers and med changes from last year and this past February. 
I have kept an informal log. I’ll keep a more precise one for the next few days. 
 

I will stay on the .115

[Frogie]

@Ninabird

 

you can stay at the dose you are on, just keep notes and post them so we can see your symptoms. Hang in there.

[Frogie]

@Ninabird

 

I would suggest that you hold at the .115 for quite a while until you stabilize. Please don't make anymore changes until then.

[Ninabird]

@Frogie will do. Thank you. 

[Ninabird]

10-6

6:15 awake anxiety (4) 

6:30 Klonopin (breakfast eggs and peanut better toast) 

7:30 Lexapro and Estradiol

anxiety (4) head sore (not headache) sadness

8:00 can feel anxiety bouncing around 

9-10:30 anxiety (4) 

11 cortisol rush

12 pain starting in head, weepy, anxiety, head feeling full, anxiety

12:30 Cymbalta 

12:30-2 on and off mild anxiety rushes

2:30 feel ok 

3-4pm on/ off anxiety, ringing in ears, head burning

6:30 Klonopin

6:30-8 ok 

8:30 mild anxiety rush

9 ok 

10 bed. 

 

[Ninabird]

10-7

woke at 6:30

6:30 Klonopin / protein shake

7:30 Lex and Estradiol 

8:30 anxiety and fidgety

9:30 anxiety

10 walked dog and meditated after

feel anxious, intermittent anxiety, ears ringing

10:30 fresh green juice

11:30 tingling in head

12pm Cymbalta

Ate banana

1:30 anxious 

2:30 banana 

feeling anxiety when I move around 

3:00-6 anxiety (3)

6:30 Klonopin 

7anxiety easing / dinner

9pm bed

 

[Ninabird]

@Frogie

10-8

 

up at 2,4 and 6:15 Anxiety (3)

6:30 Klonopin/ protein shake

head feels full of fluff, anxiety (3)

7 read bible

7:30 lex and Estradiol w fresh green juice 

8 walked dog

8:30 feel emotional, head feels wonky, anxiety (2) ears ringing 

anxiety subsided but intense sadness is present 

10 cried for 30 minutes

10:30 are pb toast and banana 

sad

11:30 left for open house 

feel like I have an emotional hangover

12:30 Cymbalta 

1:30 anxiety rush , legs feel like jelly, sadness

2:30 sadness, ringing in ears and anxiety (3)

 

[Ninabird]

10-9

 

woke @ 11,2,3,4& 5 am Anxiety (4)

6:30 Klonopin 

7 green smoothie w Greek yogurt for protein

anxiety (3) head sensations (3)

7:30 lex and estradiol

sadness, anxiety, head sensations

8 walked dog

9 Showed property

10:30 Church ( fatigue 7) 

anxiety (3) light sensitivity, eyes burning

11:30 green smoothie

anxious, hard to concentrate, mild anxiety rush 

12:30 Cymbalta

2 church function

2-5:30 ok mild anxiety (2) 

5:30-7 anxious 

7 dinner 

7-9 ok 

9:30 bed

 

[Ninabird]

Are any mods available to look at my daily notes and give me your opinion as to what might be going on w me and why I’m feeling so lousy lately? Is it just a bad wave? 
@Shep @brassmonkey @Frogie

[Ninabird]

10-11

up at 6:50 ( 20 min late taking Klonopin) 

anxiety 5 

green smoothie

7:30 lex and estradiol

anxious, sad, ears ringing, pressure in head, back of neck sore

8:30 walked dog

9:00 used blower to clean out garage 

watered plants, brushed dog

10 symptoms easing 

11:30 burning in head back, tingling in head, anxiety, sadness 

12:30 Cymbalta 

1-4 symptoms high and consistent until 4

4 symptoms ease 

4-6 ok ( feel hangover-ish) 

6:30 klonopin

7 dinner - feeling anxiety (2)

watched a show

10pm bed

 

 

 

[Greatful]

@Ninabird

I wish it could be a simple answer as to why this or that. It all comes down to these drugs and what it did to our  brains and how to heal from it....It could be just a wave, stress, something you ate, I know how hard it is to not search for answers.....If you look back at others the windows and waves can just happen do to normal healing.

 

 

 I'm struggling really hard right now too.  I came down with a bad cold/flu last week and I got near delusional. You are doing a great job Ninabird.  Sometimes it's all we can do to make it through the days.

I know how scary it is to feel like you are going to lose it/ go insane/ go crazy.....It is so hard to not fight the dysfunction that our brains feel, the thoughts that feel as real as the sky is blue.  Somehow find just one montra or thought that will help you feel like you are going to be okay and that you are more sane than you think.

Remember there is nothing more this nightmare can do to you....

 

Have you seen this https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/26529-techniques-for-managing-an-adverse-drug-reaction-or-cold-turkey-withdrawal/

I printed out the 10 steps 

 

Sending encouragement🌞 

 

 

[Ninabird]

6 hours ago, Greatful said:

I came down with a bad cold/flu last week and I got near delusional.

Hi Grateful, I hope you are feeling better soon. 

 

6 hours ago, Greatful said:

I know how scary it is to feel like you are going to lose it/ go insane/ go crazy..

This is torture. I keep telling myself, "you've never felt this way until WD.....it's WD!" 

[Ninabird]

Can a mod please help me? Frogie had me journal my symptoms to see what might be going on. Thank you!

[manymoretodays]

Hi Ninabird.  What is going on?

Any recent illnesses?  Alcohol?  Additional drugs or supplements?  Life stressors?  No other recent changes in any of your other drugs than the taper of Lexapro done on the 26th of September?

Is this typical after a taper?  I come up with it now being almost, not quite 3 weeks since the taper.

 

I do see your daily drug and symptom log from 3 days ago above, also called NOTES or daily journal of drugs and symptoms.

I don't see your drugs clearly listed there.  I do see names of drugs, but then no doses are being written done there.

 

I also don't know what .115 means in terms of your Lexapro taken now.  That is what is showing in your signature.  Do you know what dose that is in mg?  I expect you are writing down the weight instead of the dose.  I see a dose of 9.5 mg July 9th, and then also some changes with your klonopin in your signature.  The last change in klonopin was August 1st, according to your signature.  So that timing and dosage has been stable for awhile now.  Good.

 

How long have you felt awful for, and then in what ways, or what kind of symptoms are you having.  You could do a fresh day of NOTES/drug and symptoms journaling if you feel up to that, that would help us help.

 

Let us know how you need help or what you need help with.  Try and hold steady with your drugs until then.....okay?

 

Do you think your Lexapro decrease/taper on the 26th of September is related to how you feel now?

 

On 10/12/2022 at 9:18 AM, Ninabird said:

10-11

up at 6:50 ( 20 min late taking Klonopin) 

anxiety 5 

green smoothie

7:30 lex and estradiol

anxious, sad, ears ringing, pressure in head, back of neck sore

8:30 walked dog

9:00 used blower to clean out garage 

watered plants, brushed dog

10 symptoms easing 

11:30 burning in head back, tingling in head, anxiety, sadness 

12:30 Cymbalta 

1-4 symptoms high and consistent until 4

4 symptoms ease 

4-6 ok ( feel hangover-ish) 

6:30 klonopin

7 dinner - feeling anxiety (2)

watched a show

10pm bed

 

I think it's great that you are doing garage cleaning and taking care of your dog, and walking him or her.

 

What tools, what non-drug tools usually help when you are anxious, and having neck and head pain?  Have you found any ones that work for you?

 

More questions than answers.  I know.  There, there......as sometimes words don't get across your struggles and maybe do you just need to know someone is here and reading?

 

Sending whatever I can, that helps you through the night, restorative sleep too-that's always great.  And I'm just asking for a bit more clarity now is all.

 

Hugs, sweetie.

 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

 

 

Edited October 15, 2022 by manymoretodays

[Ninabird]

3 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

Any recent illnesses?  Alcohol?

I had Covid the second week of August. No other RX drugs or illegal drugs.

[Ninabird]

3 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

Life stressors? 

I have a lot of stress in my life. My work is demanding. 

[Ninabird]

4 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

No other recent changes in any of your other drugs than the taper of Lexapro done on the 26th of September?

Is this typical after a taper?  I come up with it now being almost, not quite 3 weeks since the taper.

No other drops since the 26th of September

This drop seemed more intense. I only dropped .001mg drop 

[Ninabird]

7 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

What is going on?

Dealing with increased symptoms of WD

[Ninabird]

8 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

also don't know what .115 means in terms of your Lexapro taken now.

Its by weight...I forgot the acronym for it

[Ninabird]

9 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

I do see names of drugs, but then no doses are being written done there.

I am currently at a little under 9mg of Lexapro. Holding 30mg Cymbalta, .25mg of Klonopin two times daily.

[Ninabird]

11 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

How long have you felt awful for, and then in what ways, or what kind of symptoms are you having

Ive felt pretty bad the last years and a half.

[Ninabird]

12 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

You could do a fresh day of NOTES/drug and symptoms journaling if you feel up to that, that would help us help.

I can do that. I am holding on the current Lexapro dose until things calm down a bit.

[Ninabird]

13 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

What tools, what non-drug tools usually help when you are anxious, and having neck and head pain?  Have you found any ones that work for you?

 

Oh girl....I do so many.

breath work, meditating, walks, mindfulness, talk therapy, personal coach, support system. For neck and head pain....stretches and massage.

[Ninabird]

15 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

Sending whatever I can, that helps you through the night, restorative sleep too-that's always great.  And I'm just asking for a bit more clarity now is all.

 

I don't mind the questions at all. I appreciate the help. 

I actually sleep pretty well. I make sure my sleep hygiene is very consistent. I do wake up a couple of times a night but I always am able to go back to sleep. I do wake with cortisol spikes.

 

I don't want you to think that I am just being a weenie. Every day I push through and some days are harder than others. I HAVE to work. I live alone and need to keep going. 

 

The mental symptoms have been increasing. THAT is where I get scared. The intensity is overwhelming sometimes. THAT is a new symptom. Some others have eased. It's a mixed bag.