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Ironically, I started taking paxil for severe depersonalization 20 years ago, and it really helped me. But now after 20 years of taking paxil, I think it’s finally pooping out because the depersonalization is back with a vengeance. It’s horrible and so hard to explain to people that haven’t experienced it. Mine is 24/7 and doesn’t let up. I want to taper but am terrified I’ll just get worse. I’m also having depression, major anxiety, tremors, fatigue but can’t sleep well, racing thoughts, and much more. An I haven’t even steered tapering yet! Is this what poop out feels like?

Hi I’m kind of new here. Lurked around a few years before signing up today. I’m a 48yo male. I want to tell you my story of how doctors failed me and pushed drugs into my life. Let me start by saying I was on no prescription drugs before this. Starting in October 2017 I had some difficulty sleeping because of a stressful few months at work. When I went to my Dr for annual physical I mentioned my sleep issue. Thats when it all started. He said take this 30mg diazepam at night and you’ll be good. At the time I didn’t know what it was and took it every night for a month. I no longer had stress at work and wanted to quit the diazepam so Dr said no problem just stop. I quit cold turkey and a week later was hit with suicidal depression, panic attacks, fear, extreme anxiety, insomnia and many more symptoms. I’ve never had any of that and it scared me so my Dr sent me to Psychiatrist. January 2018 I was put on 15mg mirtazapine, 100mg seroquel, 1mg lorazepam. I eventually weened off lorazepam in March 2018. My symptoms persisted over the years and in January 2019 Paxil 20mg was added with the 15mg mirtazapine and 100mg seroquel. In April 2021 Paxil was increased to 30mg along with 15mg mirtazapine and 100mg seroquel. In February 2024 Paxil increased to 40mg along with 15mg mirtazapine and 100mg seroquel. Fast forward to today July 2024 and I’m back in severe wd. I now realize they kept increasing my dose because it would poop out. I’m terrified now and don’t know what to do. I need to just quit all these meds and take the suffering wd that’s inevitable. I currently can take 3 years off from life to do this. Please give me your thoughts. Thanks for reading.

Link to BrassMonkey's Intro topic Brassmonkey- A Success Story To some people six and a half years is a very long time to take to accomplish a goal. For me it’s been one tenth of a lifetime, one third of the time I was actively taking psych drugs and one quarter of the total time I was on Paxil. Given where I started six and a half years ago and where I am now I would gladly do it all over again if it meant regaining my life in the manner that I have. Six and a half years seems like a long time, but I can so clearly remember the night I made the decision to “do something about it” I can relive it moment by moment. At the time I couldn’t remember anything for more than a couple of seconds which makes this even more amazing. It’s been 24 some years now since I started taking Paxil. At the time I was in what I though of as a very rough place. I was in an incredibly stressful job, suffering constant pain as the result of several medical procedures and had developed some really bad anger issues. Anger was a learned response I acquired growing up, but this was getting out of hand. Counseling and learning coping techniques would have been the better course of action, but there was this new “wonder drug” on the market that would cure the ”chemical imbalance” that was causing me to lash out in such a destructive manner. And it was indeed a wonder drug. I could feel the difference just a few hours after taking the first dose. My life calmed down and things were much better for many, many years. Then one day I noticed that it wasn’t as effective as it once had been. Talking it over with my doctor we decided to up my dose. Things went back to being fine, almost. During that time there were some big changes that took place in my life. My wife and I had made some good investments and savings and were able to retire early. We went traveling and such and enjoyed life. Until one day the stock marked crashed and we lost pretty much everything. Having to come out of retirement and find a job was a very upsetting experience to say the least. Making it through the next decade plus some was quite a challenge. At first, I was very glad for the numbness that the Paxil was causing. After a while I again noticed that it was not working as well as it should, and we again upped the dose. This put me at 40mgai. It didn’t do much good. The anhedonia was taking over big time, short term memory was going away, and I hurt constantly. I’ve always enjoyed my alcohol and I started enjoying it more and more. In my mind it was helping with the physical pain and it did help distract from the day to day survival conditions we were facing. But it also was getting out of control and I started to spiral down on every front. Yes, you have to hit rock bottom before you decide to do anything about it, and I did. It finally sunk in one night just how bad I had let things become and I knew I had to do something about it. Next stop AA. But there was much more involved than the alcohol. I knew that the Paxil was not working anymore and was very sure that my doctors recommendation to “just stop taking it” was wrong. It took several weeks of researching to learn that “the drug was my problem” and I had to get off it. There was a lot of conflicting information on line and it was quite a slog getting through it. One day I happened on a site called PaxilProgress and my life changed. PaxilProgress or as I often refer to it now “Prior Place” seemed to know what they were talking about. They had reference material and a taper protocol that made sense and would work with you and give support as you worked your way off of the drug. The stories of what some of the people were going through scared the heck out of me though. I envisioned myself sitting in a chair rocking back and forth for months chanting “it’s only withdrawal, it’s only withdrawal”. My lovely wife told me, “if that’s the way it’s going to be, then we will make it through it”. I liked their idea of doing a 10% taper every four to six weeks, but it seemed to me that everyone that was trying it got hit hard with symptoms after each drop. I was struck with the idea of spreading the drop over four successive weeks and rounding it out with a hold to try and lessen the symptoms. I decided to sneak up on each 10% over several weeks and see what happened. This was later dubbed the Brassmonkey Slide Method by one of the other members. Not a whole lot happened. It was almost two and a half years of steady tapering before I noticed that things were starting to change. A year and a half after that, around the four-year mark I knew I was making progress, and the final year and a half was marked with steady improvements. Five and a half years after I started I was able to make the final taper to “0”. In the middle of all this my Prior Place life line was suddenly pulled out of my hands. I had found another site, SurvivingAntidepressants,org during a previous closure of Prior Place and renewed my account. The atmosphere was a bit different, but much more like home. The knowledge and support here has been a major key to my successful taper and recovery. The recovery story doesn’t stop at reaching “0”. In fact, it’s only beginning. Once the drugs have totally left the body it can actually start the real job of recovery. That’s why we like to wait a year before declaring a success story, and that year is up as of April 15, 2018. I’ve glossed over the meat of the taper because there is just too much to write about. The things that happened, what I learned, coping strategies and much more. Most fo which is already in my introduction thread. This post is to declare that I have succeeded in my quest to get off Paxil. I am going to start a new journal thread to talk about the details. For those who have been with me since the beginning, I want to thank you for your support and companionship during a long hard journey. Some of you have long since finished and have moved on, while others are close on my heels and will be writing your Success Stories soon. There are too many of you to name names, but each and every one of you are very dear to my heart. Those of you who have joined along the path; even though it will be rough and bumpy along the way the end destination is so worth it. Keep at it and you will make it. Your company has been invaluable. For all new ones who are joining each day: it’s very scary, rough, and painful journey but it is the only path there is to follow. In just a few short years you will all be writing your own Success Stories too, and I can’t wait to read them. I have worked with many thousands of members over the time I’ve been tapering and have yet to find one who did not have the strength, once they truly set their mind to the task, to be able to see it through to a successful conclusion. (((((((((((((((((((((HUGS TO ALL))))))))))))))))))))))) Brassmonkey

Thank god for a site like this, I feel like I have been going crazy for the last few years . I'm going to try to keep this short and sweet. I was put on Paxil when I was a teenager as my doctor thought it would help me get through some difficult years, counseling would of been a much better approach. I was sexually abused as a child but never told anybody so when I was a teenager I dealt with this by using recreational drugs to ease the pain . My parents thought it would be a quick fix being on an antidepressant to help me out. I used Paxil for years upping and lowering my dose from 20mg to 50mg as needed , thinking that I had to take them because I had a chemical imbalance . I never thought once coming of them or did I know the bad effects they can do to you. Only up until I had my last child three years ago everything changed. I was taking only 30mg of Paxil which my psychiatrist told me it would be fine for the baby . I had to have an emergency cesarean and had complications. I got a servers infection and that brought on my first panic attack and severe aniexty. My baby was going withdrawal from Paxil shaking and wouldn't sleep . The nurses was giving me strong painkillers that I think was making me worse , after 2 weeks in the maternity hospital I was then put in a mothers and baby unit at mental hospital . I only lasted a day as didn't won't to harm myself or my child , I just wanted this aniexty to stop ,I was constantly worrying and looking at it now my hormones would have been all over the place. I upped my medication to highest dose under my psychiatrist advice. I felt better in a few weeks. A year later I thought I was doing fine and lowered my dose and I crashed, couldn't eat waves of aniexty , agitation, dizziness, insomnia ,derealization and night sweats the list goes on. My psychiatrist then put me on Seraquel at night which seemed to work, but I was getting up in the middle of the night eating like crazy and then couldn't get up in the morning. So I stopped taking the 25mg of Seraquel. Back to my psychiatrist I went and he told me that he thought it would be a good idea to change to another antidepressant, his chose was Cymbalta and he wanted me to tapper my Paxil in 5 days and 3 days with nothing then start with 30mg of Cymbalta for 1 week 60mg for two weeks then 90mg for 2 weeks. I crashed very bad into my 2nd week in Cymbalta and went to see my psychiatrist again, who told me its my aniexty and depression coming back, which now I know is bullsh*t. I think I was having withdrawals from the Paxil . I went to a new psychiatrist who told me it was Cymbalta that was doing it to me and tapered me off Cymbalta again in a week and started me at 50mg of Zoloft for 3 days 75mg 3 days and now 100mg as well as still taking my 50mg of Seraquel. I feel like I won't to come off all of this and I know my family and friends aren't going to support me, as they don't understand. I halved my dose of Seraquel to 25mg 4 nights ago and my waves of aniexty are getting worse . I would love meet people on this site who can help me out with this. I have two beautiful children that are my life and I just want to be normal again and I think I would be better if a gave my brain a chance to heal itself but I'm very scared.

I was referred here by a psychiatrist I've been corresponding with. He told me you all were spot on in your knowledge about withdrawal and tapering but warned that you typically deny the existence of mental illness. Anyway, I've spent a few days learning it up, reading through stuff. My story: diagnosed bipolar in 2005 and don't really dispute said diagnosis. Doc put me on Paxil in 2016 for anxiety. Shortly after I became unstable in mood. Caught on that it was the Paxil in 2019 so I cold turkeyed. It was an ascent into madness, to say the least. I tried again late last year with the usual fast taper schedule offered by the wonderful field of psychiatry. I can't get from 20mg to 10mg. I'd say probably the worst symptom is the mania/mixed states/panic/terror combination I get plunged into. I was musing about this with the psych who referred me: I'm trying to get off Paxil to improve my moods, yet the Paxil withdrawal messes my moods up worse than being on Paxil. Reading through people's experiences and it doesn't even seem like it's possible to taper paroxetine. I'd very much like to have words with the doc who put me on it. Anyway, that's me. Thanks for reading.

Hi All, A bit of history here. I've been on Paxil for around 15 years, maybe longer, but basically I've lost a lot of the feelings I've had for my GF and I realize it's most likely a drug induced issue. Per my signature, I've been tapering since Oct 2013 and am just below the 4 mg mark. Question is, I don't feel it is fair to neither of us that I feel this way and wondering if I should prolong the relationship? I know marriages/relationships have been destroyed by these drugs and I don't want to hurt anyone including myself. I still have some feelings for her although not as strong as before. Mind you, I've been with her for about a year now and at that time I was around 6.2mg of paxil a day. I do exhibit the typical symptoms of lack of libido, emotions, wanting to be by myself etc. Any input is appreciated. Thank you

Thank you for this website and lifeline. After 20 years on Paxil, this July I went to a psychiatrist to get off this drug. (I had tried in the past to reduce the doses to see if I could live without it but always was unsuccessful. I realize I was in withdrawal not relapse those times) The psychiatrist had me go from 30mg Paroxetine to 0 in 4 weeks. She wanted me to start Prozac at 10mg and go up if necessary for the withdrawal. I took Prozac for 5 days and had side effects so I stopped it. In Canada you get a one time visit with a psychiatrist and your GP manages the damage. I had insane withdrawal that I kept reading should end at 2 weeks, then I read up to 8 weeks but something changed at about 3 months and it got even worse. I was already dealing with nausea, insomnia, burning feet, sweats, chills, but it progressed to desperation, thoughts of suicide, hopelessness, everything overwhelmed me, I couldn’t watch tv, I struggled to read, couldn’t follow a conversation. I found this website and read a bit about reinstatement though I knew 3 months off the drug wasn’t ideal for this. So I started back on Paroxetine at 5 mg which was probably too high. I later read probably should have went with 1mg but I am here now. It’s been 2 months back on the 5 mg. Some improvement- no more suicidal thoughts, hopelessness or desperation. The nausea though still present has settled a lot. My thinking is getting better. Still can’t do TV, still have dizziness, can’t sleep more than 1 1/2 to 2 hours at a time, reading is better. So my question is what is stable enough to start to taper? Should I hold longer at 5mg? What size of the Paroxetine tablet is better to use for cutting? At present I cut 10mg in half but I noticed the higher the dosage the more filler is in the tablet. ie 10mg is 120 mg tablet, 30 mg is a 560 mg tablet. Is it better to grind the pills to powder or is the drug evenly distributed in the tablet making it safe enough to cut into small pieces for tapering? What is the usual jump off dosage for Paroxetine? Can jump off be done using the tablet/ powder or do you have to make liquid at some point? I’ve read Paroxetine self metabolizes-so basically the body thinks you are tapering faster than you are-so is the slide method more effect for Paroxetine or only necessary say after 3mg? Any and all help is so welcome. Thank you so much for this forum. 20 yr+ Paroxetine/ Dec2018-May 2022 20 mg/ May 2022 30mg/ July 28 2022-August 24 2022 30mg to 0mg/ November 28 2022 to present 5mg Paroxetine

Hi everyone, I have been on Paxil 40mg for around 15 years for OCD. I have never tried to taper or cut out but I do regularly forget to take my dosage once or twice a week as I'm forgetful and it has never caused much harm (I thought). I have been in a very good place for many years and have often spoken to Drs about tapering, with not a lot of advice received. A long time ago I received the advice to take 'one pill instead of two on tuesdays and thursdays' or something like that - the Dr didn't think I could cut pills. Disclaimer: I am aware that everything i have done was a very bad idea after doing research on it - now I am trying to deal with the consequences. I thought that as I often forget to take a dosage that it would be foolish to go up to the 'full' dosage of my meds and then taper from that (how wrong I was) so I calculated what I thought my regular dosage may be - about 28mg per day average. I decided to start a 'regular' taper of this - taking a full dosage 4 days a week, half dosage 2 days and skipping a dosage once. (Again - foolish, I'm so upset thinking about this now I know what I know). Everything was going fine for the first two weeks. 2.5-3 weeks I noticed that I was starting to develop panic attacks over things I could normally process well. I also developed a lot of nausea and dizziness one morning, 3 weeks after starting the 'taper'. I immediately returned to my full dose realising that I had made a mistake, and the dizziness and nausea went away that day. The mild panic attacks lasted one more day. About 5 days after returning to my full dose I had another small panic attack. Then something external to spike my anxiety happened and I had 2 days of experiencing full on panic attacks. I was overwhelmed - I had never felt feelings of panic like this so constantly, usually I would have bad mornings and feel better at night but these days I was constantly anxious and racing heart. Today is a week since I resumed the full dose and I am feeling a little better, but am struggling to concentrate on my work, fighting off panic attacks, having hot flushes and then chills, feeling spacey and like I am almost drifting out of my body. The panic is mostly in the form of ruminating which I have struggled with in the past. On the weekend I was ruminating about the external stressors, but today I am ruminating about what a terrible mistake I have made with my medication and if I have ruined my life and my central nervous system and will be feeling this way for years. I am feeling intense despair as well as panic, and as a result of the ruminating have been combing websites like this looking for re-assurance but leading to more panic. I realise I am seeking re-assurance here by posting, but I have also learnt that there are so many things I didn't know about withdrawal like kindling and updosing and a destabilised nervous system and am afraid that I need to do research to know what to do - even though it is giving me panic attacks. I have read that updosing less than a month after beginning withdrawals can be effective and am hoping I just need to continue to regularly take my meds and let my central nervous system re-stabilize. I am so afraid when I hear stories about people suffering for years that I am going to experience that, even though I was only tapering for 3 weeks before I updosed to normal. I'm also afraid that my doctor won't be able to help me. Looking for any advice (that won't send me into an anxiety spiral) or tips from anyone who has experienced similar to me. At this point I am not thinking about how I can get off this medication - I am only thinking about how I can return to a stable state and re-assess later when I am in a better place. Apologies for the trauma dump and hopefully this post is approved! Thank you in advance

Hello everyone, With some hesitation I am writing this introductory post to tell you my story and to tell you what will be my attempt to live without a "aid" and to open myself completely to life, accepting both its positive and negative emotions. But, precisely, by living them and not anesthetizing them. It all began I am currently 38 years old and started my history with antidepressants about 15 years ago, in 2009, when a GP prescribed me Sereupin (Paroxetine) because of my anxious states mainly due to non-acceptance of myself and my body (I have now given it a name, Body Dysmorphic disorder). Over the course of all these years I will have been probably 2 to 3 years without medication, with a state of mental malaise that at the time I did not relate back to the withdrawal symptoms. Regarding dosage, 90% of the time I have always taken 10mg and I recently decided to start this journey of mine to eliminate (or at least try to eliminate) SSRIs from my life, to feel like myself again and not in a cage. I think you all share with me that, one of the reasons we are here, is to feel alive, to feel our full potential, to accept mistakes and to grow. Where am I at the moment? A few days ago I started my tapering journey, switching from tablets (Sereupin, brand name in Italy) to a generic liquid form, Dropaxin (1ml equals to 10mg). I am currently experiencing some discomfort in switching to the liquid form, I have read that many people have had such problems or switching to generic drugs, I would be really grateful if you could tell me your experiences in this regard. I will still give myself a few weeks to adjust and evaluate. What's the plan? The plan is for a very gradual reduction of 1mg every 4 to 8 weeks to 5mg, where I plan to stay for longer and plan for a hyperbolic reduction. I suggest anyone to watch this video that explains in a very simple way why withdrawal symptoms occur and, as described in this forum, strategies to avoid them as much as possible: How to Taper Antidepressants to Avoid a Withdrawal (Discontinuation) Syndrome? Alternative supports and supplements: For about a month I have been taking 10 to 15 grams of myo-inositol. I perceive marked help, especially in sleeping. A post by a psychiatrist that has been very helpful to me: LISTENING TO INOSITOL: CLINICAL NOTES Thank you for your attention, and I hope it does not remain just an introductory post but can make steady improvements over time.

Hello everyone. I was referred to this website by a doctor in the Boston, MA area as a place to post an 11 page write up I did that documents my Seroquel withdrawal and recovery experience. Since I used to do quality assurance work and wrote procedures, I wrote my summary in the form of a procedure that I hope others will find useful in navigating their own way through the process. The summary contains more details of my history but here are the basics. The copies I gave to my doctors and therapist has my real name in it but the copy that will be posted here has my name blacked out. I will be posting it in the appropriate forum once I figure out where to put it. I hope it helps someone since I had to go through my experience largely on my own and flying blind. Diagnosis: Bipolar 1, PTSD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder Current Meds: Carbamazepine, Paxil, and Ativan as needed Total psychiatric medications since 1994 has been 18 different medications. At one point I was on 7 at the same time. I have been off of the Seroquel since August 1, 2021 and am very slowly recovering. At some point down the road I plan on tapering down and stopping my other medications. However, it will be awhile before I will be willing to go through the process again since as you all know, tapering and withdrawal is very tough to say the least. I have only been aware of this site for less than a week but have already found it to be very useful so thank you for all of the informative posts and associated links. I plan to make good use of it all in furthering my education on what was done to me over the years in the name of 'Help' --------- MOD NOTE The document refereed to can be found in this post.

Hi all. I’m thankful I came across this group. Wow - where to begin... well, at age 7 I was given Paxil and 20 years later I am still on it. Throughout the 20 years I have tried ever SSRI and SNRI on the planet. I was given Valium and after five years by the grace of God somehow tapered off it myself. In the past 2 years I was put on effexor, pristiq, viibryd, lexapro, celexa, prozac, and landed back on 20mg Paxil. Four months ago I lowered by dosage to 15mg and it has been pure hell. Suicidal thoughts which I have never had, super strange thoughts, terror like I cannot explain. Reading your success stories on here gives me hope. How long should I hold at 15mg before continuing to do a 5-10% taper? How did you all manage to work during this time? With being put on these drugs at such a young age — is it possible to heal, or am I permanently damaged? How do you let go of your anger regarding this situation. I didn’t choose to take these meds. Much love, Sunflower414

Hello everyone, I just discovered this forum. I am a forty-seven-year-old woman who was prescribed prozac at 18 for clinical depression (I was suicidal and depressed because of my living situation not my brain) and then at 22 i was diagnosed with GAD and prescribed Paxil which I was on for 25 years. I tried several times to come off the Paxil with horrible results until I was forty-two and unsupervised started my own taper over the course of a year. I was nearly completely off with manageable side-effects until I developed bad anxiety and depression due to circumstances (an abuser re-entered my life) and my therapist (first therapist) told me that she couldn't help me if I wasn't on my medication. My anxiety was terrible so I just did as I was told and went back on the Paxil. I have a new therapist and I have done a lot of work and have developed a lot of tools to deal with anxious feelings and I was feeling good about myself and life so I decided to taper off the Paxil again in March of this year. My NP gave me a 8 week taper schedule which made me think I had overreacted when I tapered over a year previously but I thought 8 weeks was too fast so I tapered over 13 weeks. The tapering process was hell and I didn't listen to my body, assuming that I just had to go through it. After the taper I started doing research because I could not handle being alive. Waking up every morning early with a jolt and an electric shock feeling running through my body which would last most of the day. My muscles were tight and sore so i took frequent magnesium baths which helped in the moment. I had headaches, stomach aches, flu-like symptoms but the worst was the anxiety that followed the adrenal rush each morning and the feelings of complete terror and exhaustion that hung on to me throughout the day. The terror has subsided a bit but I am still getting flooded in the morning (not as bad as it was though) but the absolute worst symptom is a feeling of not being myself or being trapped in a bad memory or bad dream. It is the worst feeling I have ever had in my life and as it dragged on for weeks and months I became depressed. I am not in the weeds as badly as I was but I am not out of them yet either. I know that I tapered much too quickly. I am wondering if anyone else had this awful feeling of being in a nightmare or not existing or being afraid to exist? This is not something I ever experienced before. I am also wondering if anyone has ever tried 5-HTP? My naturopath recommended it. I have seen advice online that we should avoid supplements when we are in withdrawal but I am also eager to feel better.

Hi Everyone, First of all I want to thank each person who will take the time to read my story and answer me This is my story and I could write a book.. I am a 33 years old French man I started PAROXETINE when I was 16 years old ( 18 years of treatment ) 2006 I Started PAROXETINE at 20mg by my family doctor following a huge panic attack triggered by a bad trip to Canabis (heavy consumption the same day) in high school, with a suddenly effects of DP/ DR tenfold, symptom accompanied by period of black out.. I was not a regular consumer just a young person with bad attendance and very impressionable who wanted to try. At this point I did not know what DPDR was and no doctor explained to me the why of the how. For me it was a reaction of cannabis. The years have passed I have not had any particular psychological or psychiatric follow-up. DPDR it is installed then it is attenuated until disappearing, I remember having occasional panic attacks that manifested by a DPDR and then went away.. Terrible teen that I was it was not my lesson, DPDR resurfaced on a Christmas night or I re-smoked cannabis with a bad trip that manifested as the first time with blackout periods The years have passed. I tried to stop treatment with my doctor several times. The instructions of my first weaning were to take 1 pills per day then every other day then every other day etc... The symptoms of physical withdrawal brain zap often made me stop attempts to stop treatment because unbearable with reintroduction of the dose at 20mg each time. I had to stay at least 8-10 years at 20mg I felt normal. 2015-2016 During these years I always wanted deep down to stop this treatment because I did not want to be dependent on a drug and for me everything was fine but I began to be afraid of the long-term effect on my memory, An example in a discussion with friends when I was asked, you remember when we did this on that day or you remember this movie… and I had trouble remembering each time… (I still have this problem to this day 18 years later) So I started looking on the internet for a way to stop this treatment that for me was the cause of this loss of memory and that would make me lose my mind in the long term.. I do not have a great memory but I found this forum in 2015 or I found info that explained that during a withdrawal it was especially important not to jump dose and that it was necessary to gradually decrease the doses by taking it all the days I started to cut the tablet from 20mg in 2 from 20mg to 10mg I stayed for a long time at month 2-3 years at this dose trying later to cut it again in 2 and passing to 5mg It should be noted that during all these years I have always been someone very anxious who constantly wonders about the why of the like, life, existence, a terrible anguish by death with occasional anxiety attack and panic attack that manifested through a DP/DR and then passed and I became normal again without being blocked in the DP/DR (I still don’t know what DP/DR was in those 2015-16 years) 2020 My wife gets pregnant, upheaval in our life, during pregnancy questions begin to settle, life, life existence, aging etc… We go on holiday in the USA in the family of my wife For 3 weeks I drink alcohol because the family there party and drink alcohol, almost every day, (but usually I do not drink alcohol I drink some beer from time to time but no more...) At this time (and even before these holidays ) I regularly drank lots of coffee like any normal person. Coffee has always tended to make my heart beat We come back from vacation the same evening I lie next to my wife and a big palpitation happen, I put the hand of my wife on my heart I’m afraid, I have the impression of having a heart attack, but it is a panic attack. I ended up falling asleep.. The next day, everything got weird I’m not myself the DPDR came back knocking and settles and gets worse by the day The loop settles, existential questions turn in loop, the birth of my future child, the fear of growing up, aging and death, it turns in loop, all the days. I’m not hungry anymore. This time it’s about I’m going crazy, I literally think I’m going schizophrenic. (I still don’t know what DPDR is at that time) I decide to make an appointment with a psychiatrist explaining the situation, at that time I was at 10mg PAROXETINE, he tells me that 10mg is not a therapeutic dose it is necessary to go up to 20mg to feel effects I go up to 20mg of PAROXETINE but nothing always passes this weird feeling of being foreign to myself. I take an other appointment with him and he tell me to go up to 40mg of PAROXETINE and prescribe TRANXENE(Clorazépate) to take punctually I try some day I take a TRANXENE my condition worsens.. I continue it’s even worse I decide to go down to 20mg of PARXOETINE it’s still not okay but I continue and stabilize to 20mg of PAROXETINE I am afraid, I take refuge on the internet, what happens to me? I search : "Weird sensation of not being yourself" I discover the word Depersonalization and Déréalization DP/DR I search and search and read lots of forums in French, English, YouTube etc… , I’m a little reassured because I’m not alone in having this but I’m still with this DP/DR symptoms I come across a video the guy explains that : "it’s a weird sensation, its strange but not dangerous… quick tips put sunglasses!" , I do it immediately it calms down a little and I come across a site that catches my attention: "the guide to overcome dpdr" of Shaun O Connor I read it and learn what is really the DPDR, its a symptom of Aniety, then i applied to the letter the steps of the guide. Time passes I get back to the gym, I discover breathing, cardiac coherence, I go see a Psychologist expert in EFT technique to manage my emotions, DP/DR still does not pass I continue to look, I go to see a neuropsychologist I make a brain x-ray for me I have a tumor but results... no, nothing i am normal. The sessions pass, I hang up during this period to snort a paper soaked with lavender because I read that it calms the stress, my state improves only a little I hold the blow, I occupy my mind, I work, my daughter is finally born, I listen to music all day, music is my life. I’m a drummer. I put into practice what I learn in the guide! I stop eating too much candy of all kinds during this period and especially I stop coffee because I learn that it triggers anxiety in my case, I tell myself that’s it, I drink up to 4-5 coffee a day, I put my finger on the cause I drink too much coffee and too much caffeine = palpitation = it triggers my screams of anxiety why I didn’t think about it earlier… For me I found the solution: I stop coffee = I wouldn’t have panic attacks I stop my antidepressant = I am cured no more memory problem. Life goes on DPRDR fades and DPDR disappears without I really realize when 2021 My daughter grew up, she is already 1 year old and I no longer have an anxiety attack, I really feel normal The Covid lockdown is coming and I stay at home I see my daughter growing, stressed of this strange period but no anxiety attack, because for me I put my finger on the problem, no more panic attack as long as I will not drink coffee I will not have any anxiety attack. I start to look to now deal with this PAROXETINE treatment. I read and read on the internet I learn that PAROXETINE has a very short half-life that must be reduced by 10% increments otherwise the side effects happen very quickly. I learn that PAROXETINE exists in liquid version so i begin it. 2022-2023 I do an excel sheet with calculations and final dates, end of year I am free of this poison that for me makes me lose memory and that is finally can be also potentially trigger Anxiety DP/DR I start the liquid version I go down from 20mg to 10mg of PAROXETINE, everything is fine I stabilize at 10mg and I continue by lowering 1mg by 1mg Every month so : 9mg - 8mg -7mg - 6mg...until 0 I arrive at 2 mg of PAROXETINE i do not have any withdrawal symptom but onyl light brain zap, but problem, the bottle is empty I go to the pharmacy as usual to take my treatment but the pharmacist told me that the liquid version is stopped in France for an indeterminate duration.. I drive until 2 hours to take the last stock of pharmacies nearby I go down to 1.5mg of PAROXETINE, I’m almost there, I’m at the end but I have no more PAROXETINE in the bottle... what do I do? I go on internet I search that I could make switches on PROZAC/FLUOXETINE which is also in liquid. I don’t have time, I don’t have anything left in the bottle just enough to switch gradually to PROZAC. I change my excel table with the dose and date calculation for the switch and let’s go. Meanwhile I move, I buy a house and begins heavy renovation work, lots of stress.. I debute a cross switch I lower the PAROXETINE : 1,5mg - 1 - 0,5 - 0 and rise to 5mg of PROZAC and stabilize during 4 week of PROZAC Brain zaps are hard but I’m finally going to be free… I’m holding on I’m almost there.. The days pass and suddenly DPDR arrives from nowhere and settles down and no longer me, what happens to me I thought I was done? I don’t drink coffee anymore how is that possible? This time it’s the right one my brain is screwed. My condition degrades very quickly I put my sunglasses I take out my lavender paper back.. The loop resets day after day with the fear of being afraid… , severe depression, severe anxiety, morning diarrhea, awakening with palpitation great sadness, uncontrolled crying, impulse phobia I am afraid of hurting myself I am afraid of committing suicide, I’m doing work in the bathroom upstairs I look at the window I’m afraid of losing control and jumping.. MARCH 2023 I can’t stay like this… I have a home business if I don’t work I don’t make money… I take refuge on the internet and I search: Best psychiatrist DP/DR specialist I search and I search I find a 400km a specialized hospital that speaks of DPDR the psychiatrist seems to know what she speaks and recognized in the environment I take appointment I melt in tears I’m at the bottom of the hole.. She told me that the dose are too low and prescribed me 20mg of PROZAC and ATARAX(Hydroxyzine) to take punctually 2 weeks pass I retake an appointment with her it goes very slightly better so I continue at 20mg 4 weeks pass it worse, I have the impression that the PROZAC is too strong and it is what induces and persists DP/DR I ask him to lower to 10mg I ask her if she knows a therapist because I would like to take things in hand and start a CBT , She gives me the name of a colleague she works with I take 1 session then 2,3,4 until 8, i hang on that, I speak to her, it does me good I wait for each session as a deliverance, It costs me a lot of money but I have no choice. At the same time the DPDR persists I am still not myself sudden mood changes, sudden big sadness, uncontrolled crying, morning diarrhea, my libido collapses.. My wife is aware of my PAROXETINE treatment we have been together for 18 years , she has always suffered my mood change and do not understand I look good outside... but I in my head it is hell She often asks me "what you look like you’re depressed ?" My 3-year-old daughter also often asks me: "Dad, why are you making that face" , "Dad, why are you sad?" I’m having a hard time playing and taking care of her.. My anxiety is too present it always turns in loop in my head. All awakenings are accompanied with palpitations and a new symptoms in the morning of the awakening are random words and phrases that pass at full speed in my head like when you have a music stuck in your head What happens to me? I go crazy ? I have random words in my head i talk to myself ? this time it’s sure for me I am becoming schizophrenic... (but my Psychiatrist told me : I promise you are not schizophrenic, its all about anxiety..) SEPTEMBER 2023 4 months pass the sessions of CBT help me a little, I space the sessions them more and more because too expensive, the DPDR is always present for me I am still not normal I am always disconnected I continue to occupy my mind every minute, I continue the renovation of my house all the days even the week-end, first minute of each day I put my earphones I have to occupy my mind, I listen to podcasts until the evening everything is good so that I avoid thinking about DP/DR and looping on the existential thoughts it tired me but I have no other solution.. OCTOBER 2023 A rather exceptional event manifests itself on a Sunday, by sudden brain zap, vertigo.. , I wonder what happens to me, big palpitation I have the impression that I will have a heart attack, I am at 2 finger to call the emergency, I decide to go to the "Emergency Pharmacy" because all our pharmacy are closed on Sunday in France, I take my prescription with me, I tell myself that the box of prozac has a defect and that suddenly I have brain zap I do not understand.. To my surprise and as the pharmacist informs me: "Sir it’s normal, have a look, they were wrong at your last prescription, they gave you PAROXETINE instead of PROZAC, I look at the prescription and it is well marked : PAROXETINE delivery. I cry, its a nightmare.. Its actually been 1 month that I had switch without knowing 10mg of PROZAC to 10mg of PAROXETINE. Unfortunately, I did not notice this mistake cause I usually put the box of medicine in my bag by taking it in the morning in a hurry before work without my daughter seeing me take it, I did not check the box, it has become so automatic... I blamed myself terribly, what a nightmare, the last switch PAROXETINE —> PROZAC had been so hard and horrible that I had gone back to square one… 1ST DECEMBER 2023 My condition is horrible, my brother-in-law’s father died suddenly, I put myself in his place , its loop in my head, I’m afraid, I cry, I transpose all the faces of my family on the body, I decide to go back to 20mg of PROZAC I have no other solution on hand.. The next day on December 2nd it is already better, i am quite surprised because the PROZAC has a very long half life.. 14 DECEMBER 2023 Debut of new unpleasant symptom random tingling sensation throughout the body, adrenaline discharge sensation with sudden tingling, I become very sensitive to the slightest sound , TV, light, it triggers me this weird symptoms 16 December 20233 I go from 20mg to 10mg of PROZAC to try to alleviate the new symptoms because for me the PROZAC does not suit me or the dose is not good, (for me the PROZAC was always something that did not suit me and made me feel weird) i don't know.. 2024 So actually, 2 months later, I am still at 10 mg of PROZAC, I decided to stabilize myself at this dose even if i am not feeling normal, cause as you can see there were a lot of changes in the dose of PROZAC. I still do not feel myself, always this feeling of DR of unreality of the world, depression, with moments where my face freezes without emotion… and loss/supression of my libido like I’ve never had. I don’t know what’s happening to me. According to my research on the forum and the article of Altostrata on PUBMED I explain what happened to me with the sudden arrival of a big anxiety and DP/ DR during the switch last year is that I was in the post withdrawal phase of PAROXETINE and that the sudden loss of libido would be PSSD ?, I am not yet very familiar with all these terms but I think I put my finger on the why of the how, tell me if I am wrong. My current dilemma: Is it better not to be dependent and not to take an antidepressant but to risk being bad and "look like sh*t" all my life with this depression, DP/DR or is it better to take an antidepressant (PAROXETINE) all my life but to feel good. I am currently thinking of 2 solutions because I want to get out of it, 1) Doing a gradual withdrawal of PROZAC knowing that I am stabilizing at 10mg, and try to live without antidepressant (I do not know what it is to live without this antidepressant I do not remember because I started it when I was 16) OR 2) Take the PAROXETINE back to 10mg and take it all my life, because it is very hard stopped with its very short half-life. In fact i think, i am not a specialist but its easier to stop a long half life antidepressant than a short half life one. I ask to you all, because my psychiatrist clearly told me that PAROXETINE was not possible that it was not a stable molecule and that if we had to change antidepressant we would go from PROZAC to SERTRALINE Please, I am very lost and look for any help, Thanks again for everyone who came this far Have an excellent day

Hello, I a new to the site. I have been on SSRI antidepressants for going on 18 years. I was placed on them at around the age of 26 or 27 years old when my Mom passed with cancer. I have been on 30 mg Paxil ( Paroxetine ) now for several years and have been pretty stable until it recently appears to have quit working. I started to suffer from extreme panic attacks, excessive thoughts of worry, and other physical symptoms as well. These have been coming and going for no apparent reason. I seen my doctor yesterday and she thinks that the Paxil has quit working and also feels that this medication comes with a lot of side effects and would be a good idea to get completely off of the medication. She placed me on a schedule to start tapering off of the medication and she also prescribed me Buspirone if I start to feel like I need to try something else for the anxiety. She has worked with several patients when it comes to getting off of Paroxetine and advised that it is different for everyone, but I should be able to get completely off w/in a month. Then if I haven't started taking the Buspar I can evaluate if medication is even needed. I would love to be able to get completely off of antidepressants all together and get my life back. Just wondering what kind of side effects I can expect and also wondering if there is any advise out there to help out. I do have .25 mg of Xanex on hand in event that I have a panic attack, but I seldom ever take one. I almost wonder if the Paroxetine have started to make my anxiety worsen. I would love to get completely off of the medication and get my life back and just be me. I started my 1st taper yesterday from 30 to 25 and plan to stay there for at least a week.

Hello, I have been on Ssris for the past ten years, different doses and different meds. I started on lexapro 20 mg when I was 18 and get great for years. When I hit 22 I started lowering my meds due to side effects and simply being uncomfortable being on meds. I got down to about 10 mgs and stayed there for a while. 2 years ago I did a fast taper and got down to 5 mgs way too fast. I experienced withdrawal really bad without knowing what it was and thought I was relapsing on anxiety/depression. For a year I messed around trying to find the right med and trying to find the right combo. I now realize meds were a problem all along and all I want is to feel normal and be off of them. I also realize I’m going through withdrawal and have to be patient. Ok, time to backtrack. Eventually I decided to go on paxil about a year ago after trying a slew of other Ssris. The reason being that my dad takes it and I thought it would help me out. Bad idea. I quickly got up to 37.5 mg in only about 4 months bc it didn’t seem to be helping. After this, I decided meds weren’t the answer and started dropping my dose, not knowing the correct method or pace. My first drop was to 25 mg controlled release and it was horrific. I decided to wait for a while before making and other drops. About 5 months. Back in may of this year I dropped again to 20 mgs regular release. I’ve been experience protracted withdrawal for almost 4 months now from that drop. Things seem to gradually be improving, but I just hit another bad wave and am looking for advice/support. Also, I’ve been on different doses of Ssris for a long time. Since I was 18 and I’m 28 now. I’m thinking about jsut holding head until I feel good before tapering the correct way. I just don’t know how long I should wait, or when it’s time to start again. Any help is very much appreciated. Thanks!!

I have been on Paxil close to 20 years now mostly at 20mgs, I believe at one point as high as 40mgs. I tried a few times to get off over the years but side effects were too much. Around 5 years ago starting scaling dose. I originally went on because I was having major issues giving speeches in front of the class at college. I would completely freeze. After college I stayed on because I liked that they made me calmer and I wasn't over thinking things so much and thinking about all the ways things could go wrong. Five years ago I started having panic attacks out of nowhere. Having never experienced before I was in denial for a good 8 months about what was going on. Since then a few times a year will go through these bouts of panic and severe anxiety. I had to cut out all stimulants / caffeine as they are a major trigger. Not sure if there is a correlation between scaling down and panic attacks. This last time I was down to less then 2.5mgs (around 1.5mgs) per day. I was cutting a 10mgs pill in 1/4s and then just snapping off a piece of that daily. In November 2020 the panic attacks came back with the bad anxiety. I went back to 2.5mgs first, and was still experiencing so over last few weeks went back up to 5mgs. Its hard to see how I can ever get off of this and live a normal life (how I feel right now). Would love some feedback on how to get off of these for good.

Hello Everyone, Let me introduce myself. You can call me Sebas (38), i'm from Amsterdam. Hope my English is okay. I was diagnosed with anxiety issues around 2004 and then started using Seroxat, I believe it's called Paxil in the US. I'm aware by now of all the problems this medicine is causing. In other words, i've read a lot, and i mean A LOT about it. I can almost graduate about the subject After several attempts to stop, I found out in 2015 or 2016 about the 5-10% reduction rule. That helped me from 20 mg (10 ml) tot 12 mg (6 ml) in about 1,5 years (estimated). I'm using the fluid suspension and some squirts for accurate dosage. From 6 ml down to 5,8 took me 5 weeks to feel allright, then i stabilized for a week and went back down from 5,8 tot 5,6. All the usual withdrawal symptoms occur during tapering periods such as illness, nerve system problems, visual, fatigue, stomache cramps and also i'm countering eye circles. Since the last dosage (from 5,8 tot 5,6) i've been feeling bad for 9 weeks already. Especially my stomache and my energy. So i'm now wondering what to do, wait (and wait...), go back to 5,8, go back to 6,0 of try to switch to another AD. Cause this one is really @#$%&* mainly cause of the fast half-life period. I've read about a cross tapering method. I asked my doktor for a psychiatric consult about it. Or...could it be my body (and mind) is telling me this dose is beneath the minimum that i just need for my personal wellbeing. I'm familiair with magnesium, omega 3/fish oil and multi vitamin for support. I'm looking forward fto exchanging some knowledge. Bye Sebas

Hi there, I’m AudInSocks. I found this site last week while I was going through a terribly dark time trying to switch medications. I’ve been on Paroxetine consistently for a little over a year (14 months), at 10mg and then the last few months at 20mg. I went to my doctor and asked about ADHD medication because I seem to have a lot of trouble that lines up with that diagnosis. She prescribed me Strattera and said I would have to discontinue paroxetine. Not a word about tapering or discontinuation side effects. I tapered from 20mg to 10 and then 5 and then 0 within 12 days. On the 13th day I stopped altogether and started taking the new medicine the doc had prescribed. The first two days were fine, but on the 3rd day of taking the new med and not taking any paroxetine, I woke up very anxious, heart thumping, and had quite a crying spell before taking a nap and making myself go hang out with friends. Unfortunately, this pattern continued and every day that week I woke up with pounding heart, incredible anxiety, sobbing, nauseous, couldn’t eat, basically at my worst. I thought I could tough it out if it only lasted a few days but all the research I’d done was pretty inconclusive about how long withdrawal from paroxetine will last. Then I found this site and saw all the things saying not to ever slow taper or cold turkey quit this drug. So after 8 days of basically hell, and trying to get in touch with my doctor, I made the educated guess to quit my new med and reinstate paroxetine so I could stabilize. I began on 10mg paroxetine again 3 days ago and already feel the impact. I’ve still been waking up with oppressive anxiety, but can distract myself, and then seem to mellow out in the evening. My plan is to stabilize on 10mg for the next month or so, and then begin a very slow taper like what I’ve read about on here, decreasing by 10% every month. If I can do that with less symptoms than I’ve had this past week, that will be a win. I’ve been on antidepressants on and off for almost 10 years now. I also would really like to have a baby in the next few years, and read about how paroxetine is not exactly safe for pregnancy. Thanks for listening to my story. Would love any input or encouragement you can give

Original title: Tapering off of paroxetine after 24 years of use (started at 10 years old) Hello friends- I'm 18 months into slowly tapering off of 40mg of paroxetine (currently taking 7mg/day). I'm a 34M and I started taking this drug when I was 10 years old. I was originally put on it because I was experiencing panic attacks and was diagnosed "OCD" (a label that I no long identify with). Here's an abridged version of my story: When I was 9, I came down with a horrible case of food poisoning and spent a week vomiting. I eventually healed but what resulted was a fear of germs, vomiting, and a general sense of panic. I started having panic attacks and stomach aches which led to my doctors performing a variety of stomach/digestive tests before ultimately realizing I had developed some sort of "mental illness." I was put on 10mg of paroxetine which soon was raised to 20mg/day. I remained on 20mg/day until I turned 30 years old in 2018. A that time, I was experiencing a lot of life/work stress and so my doctor and I decided it was time to double my dose from 20mg/day to 40mg/day. What resulted was months of manic-like behavior and 4 months of constant suicidal ideation (both of which I had never experienced). Eventually, these symptoms calmed down and I continued at 40mg/day, still convinced that the paroxetine was "medicine balancing out my 'broken brain.'" When COVID hit in 2020, I experienced a new level of panic and uncertainty. After processing the traumatic experience of increasing my dosage to 40mg, I started to become more weary of running to my doctors for solutions. I looked elsewhere for mental health treatment and discovered a powerful meditation/breathing technique class over zoom. For the next year (during quarantine) I started meditating/breathing, journaling, doing yoga, etc. I think this experience started to help me to "reconnect" with myself, seeing how I had become pretty emotionally numb over the years. In April of 2021, I was struck with a powerful thought one night while sitting on the couch: "It's time to come off the pills." I had tried to taper off my paroxetine twice before, once in high school and once in college. I tried twice because the idea of taking brain-altering drugs for the rest of my life never sat quite right with me. However, in both of these experiences, I tapered too quickly (over the course of a month or two) and was devastated by the withdrawal effects. What made the experience worse was that I didn't realize I was experiencing withdrawal. My doctor at the time simply told me that I was experiencing was "me" and that this was proof that the drugs were helping. This experience made me admit defeat and I stopped doing any research about tapering. I resigned to taking paroxetine for the rest of my life. But by 2021, the amount of information we have on tapering off SSRIs is incredible! Due to the wonderful advocating work of you all and many others like you, I started learning everything I could about slowly tapering and the predicable withdrawal symptoms most of us experience. I read "Your Drug May Be Your Problem", the Heather Ashton manual (which I realize is geared a bit more towards benzos), as well as Will Hall's Guide to Harm Reduction. "Medicating Normal" also has a variety of videos with informative conversations with doctors and researchers of psych drugs and the harms they cause. I'm now 18 months into my third (and final) taper off of paroxetine. I wanted to join this forum to share my story and prove to others (like so many of you have done or are doing) that it IS possible to come off these drugs. It IS possible to heal. The journey is long and very difficult, but I am so thankful to have hope back into my life. I'm feeling more, the "good" and the "bad". I still have a ways to go, but I'm a bit more in "the flow" these days. The withdrawal symptoms are predictable and I've been experiencing what seems like a very common pattern of "windows" and "waves." All of this reassures me that nothing has gone wrong, in fact it's all going right. I'm so thankful for my wife for sticking with me through all of this as it has not been easy on her. My love for her has only grown. I've lost some friends due to the pharmaceutical rollercoaster I was on a few years back, but I managed to keep my job and I'm thankful my life didn't completely fall apart. I guess I'll end this here. I am curious to know if there are any people on this forum that have been on their drug since childhood? I often worry that the long-term use of paroxetine during my most developmental years will somehow come back to haunt me years from now. But I think that's simply fear. I like to think that our bodies can heal from these drugs, given enough time and support. I wish you all the best. Thank you.

Hallo. I have been on Paxil for 20 years, 20 mg I went down to 10mg, then I switched to Prozac After 15 months tapering, I am down to 1 mg In my country there is no liquid for Prozac, but I can resolve them in water, just don’t know how to measure. I would appreciate a help with that. Thank you

I’ve been taking Paxil (20mg) since Aug 2023 for anxiety, depression, panic attacks. Felt great on it (except from sexual side effects) and decided to taper end of June 2024. Cut to 10mg and 3 weeks in I feel exhausted, intense intrusive thoughts, occasional anxiety and depression, feel similar to original symptoms but thoughts are more intense. No physical symptoms. Is this withdrawal or return of symptoms? While it is uncomfortable, I still feel it’s manageable on some days After I feel better I plan to taper slower, any tips on what to do to push through and how long this could last? It’s been a month since cutting a dose so I don’t want to go back on full dose…I feel like I’m back to the state before Paxil

Hi everyone, I have been following this website and forum for several years, and would now like to share my story because I think it’s important to get the information out about what these drugs can do to people. I am a 41-year-old male, and I have now been off all medications for over 36 months. Unfortunately, I have not experienced much in the way of healing or recovery from whatever these drugs did to my brain and nervous system. Please be forewarned, I’m sharing a lot of details about my experience, so it’s a long post. My experience with psychiatric drugs began in 2007 at the age of 25. I had recently graduated college and was having some difficulty with my career path. I ended up accepting a job that was going to be very demanding with long hours, which caused me to start feeling very overwhelmed and anxious. I was having trouble sleeping and felt a need to escape from the situation I was in, but also felt I didn’t have any options because I needed the income. In retrospect, I should have realized that demanding, high stress jobs are simply not a good fit for certain people – including me. Admittedly, I have always been somebody who was prone to anxiety, overthinking, and sometimes low mood. Generally, these issues would be relatively situational and transient in nature, and would resolve on their own in time. I believe now that had I simply walked away from that job and looked for something else, in time things would have resolved and returned to normal as they always had before. I wish I had sought counseling to better learn how to deal with my anxious thoughts, and I wish somebody would have reassured me that anxiety can be a normal response to stress and that there was nothing inherently wrong with me. Instead, I questioned why I wasn’t able to deal with the stress and demands of such a job. Other people are able to, so there must be something fundamentally wrong with me, right? Maybe something like… a chemical imbalance. By that time, I think the pharmaceutical industry’s “chemical imbalance” marketing campaign had really taken hold in our culture. It definitely must have planted a seed in my mind. I remember thinking back to the old Zoloft television commercial with the sad little blob who had a chemical imbalance, and coming to the conclusion that must be what I had. The direct-to-consumer pharmaceutical advertising in the United States is insidiously effective in the way it permeates our society to believe we are broken in ways that only their drugs can fix. I ended up going to my doctor where I filled out a short questionnaire about how I had been feeling for the past two weeks, and was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Depression. I was prescribed Celexa (citalopram). I was also given Xanax to take for the first couple weeks as my body “adjusted” to the citalopram. Part of me felt relieved and legitimized that I had a medical diagnosis for what I was experiencing. Another part of me felt like this label now defined me and meant I was defective and wouldn’t really be able to live a normal or fulfilling life. I felt somewhat uneasy about taking a daily pill that changes the way your brain works, but naively believed that the medical community had a full understanding of the inner workings of the brain and nervous system, and that there was no way my doctor would give me anything that wasn’t safe. I reasoned if it didn’t work or caused bothersome side effects, I could just stop taking it. I remember looking up patient reviews of SSRI medications. They were generally positive, with people saying the drugs helped them. Mixed in were also some unsettling reviews where people mentioned things like significant withdrawal symptoms and sexual side effects that didn’t resolve. Again, my trust in the medical system won out as I simply could not believe a drug that was capable of doing those things would be allowed onto the market. So I started taking the drugs. I believe I took them for a couple of weeks, but didn’t like the strange way they made me feel. I didn’t feel like myself. So I stopped taking the drugs, but things didn't improve. I experienced the first panic attack of my life while I was driving down the highway. I started having issues with extreme anxiety, insomnia, dizziness, and DP/DR. These things felt very different from any anxiety related issues I had ever experienced, but I was unaware of adverse reactions and withdrawal, so I attributed my symptoms to a worsening of my anxiety condition. I went back to my doctor and was prescribed 20 mg Paxil (paroxetine). Within a few weeks, I felt significant relief from many of my symptoms. In some ways, I felt better than I ever had. I felt almost a calm euphoria, and certain things like my self-consciousness seemed to almost disappear. During this honeymoon phase, I truly felt I’d found my miracle drug. There were also some negative side effects like emotional blunting, jaw clenching, and mild sexual dysfunction/numbness – but those seemed like a small price to pay for the benefits I felt the drug was providing. I also became somewhat disinhibited, slept a lot more, and developed a voracious appetite. I gained about 40 lbs in the first 6 months on the drug, but I had always been a skinny guy so I didn’t mind. I stayed on the 20 mg dose of Paxil for a few years, but started to get bothered by the lethargy, weight gain, and sexual dysfunction. I dropped to 10 mg without any issues, and that dosage reduction alleviated those side effects to a certain extent. During these years I met my wife, found a good stable job, and bought a house. I was mostly content, but at the same time everything was always somewhat muted. I rarely ever felt too down, but also never really experienced deep feelings of things like anticipation, excitement, joy, passion and empathy the way I used to. I almost never cried while I was on Paxil. When I was younger, I always thought I wanted children. While on Paxil, that desire completely disappeared. Looking back, I don’t think I realized what a profound effect the drug had on me while I was taking it. I think that’s part of what the drug does – it blinds a person to how much it’s changed you. This aligns with the theory of “medication spellbinding” proposed by Dr. Peter Breggin. This emotional blunting seemed to insidiously grow little by little each year I was on the drug, until by my mid-30’s I started to realize that most of my hobbies, interests, passions, and desire for social activity had gone by the wayside. I worked full-time and forced myself to exercise a few times a week, but mostly I looked forward to eating, sleeping, and watching television. I was also noticing signs of slow deterioration in my body and brain. My short term memory was getting unreliable. My vision and coordination seemed off. I was getting frequent headaches, along with unusual stiffness and pain in my neck, shoulders, and back. The years of jaw clenching triggered by Paxil was resulting in TMJ type issues. I often felt fatigued, and slept a lot. I also had some periods of bad breakthrough anxiety, so I'm not even sure it was helping much with that anymore. It seemed the drug was pooping out on me, and the drawbacks were starting to outweigh the benefits. I had also come across some articles that linked Paxil to dementia, which was very troubling to me. In November of 2019 I approached my doctor with these concerns. He recommended a switch to Prozac (fluoxetine), which he said was a more “activating” antidepressant. He told me to stop taking Paxil, wait 3 days, then start taking the Prozac. Knowing what I know now, this was negligent and reckless advice. I had been on Paxil for over a dozen years and Paxil has a short half-life, whereas Prozac takes a long time to build up in your system. Any responsible physician should be able to realize this was a recipe for disaster. I followed the instructions I was given. After about 3 days I felt tired and irritable. On the 7th day into the cold switch, the bottom fell out. It happened very suddenly. I felt an almost indescribable change occur in my brain, and I’ve never been anywhere close to the same since then. I was overcome by a chemical terror. I could barely eat and got bad diarrhea. I had significant confusion and was in a 24/7 state of DP/DR. I was unable to sleep. No matter how tired I was, when I would start to drift off my body would jolt itself awake. I scheduled an appointment with a different physician (my primary doctor wasn’t available). He was dismissive and said I probably needed to increase the dose of Prozac. This made things worse, so a few days later I scheduled a visit with yet another physician. This one was more understanding, and advised that I go back onto the Paxil right away at a slightly higher dose than what I had been on. So, about two weeks after my last dose of Paxil, I reinstated at 15 mg. I was hoping I would go back to normal in short order, but that’s not what happened. It took several weeks before I got any type of symptom relief, and even when I did it was only partial relief. My brain felt like it had been totally fried. I carried on with the reinstatement for a few more months without noticing any more improvement. It was (and still is) like being trapped in a nightmare that you can’t escape from. None of it made any sense and I had no idea what was happening to me. Nobody could tell me what was wrong other than saying it was just my anxiety. But I knew that wasn’t the case. This is not how any natural anxiety feels. I didn’t even know it was possible for a human being to feel this way. It felt like I had suffered a severe chemical injury to my brain and nervous system, but then why was every doctor saying that wasn’t possible? Why did every mainstream web article say antidepressant withdrawal was mild, self-limiting, and only lasted a couple weeks? My experience was not matching up with this. Why had I never heard of this happening to anyone else when millions of people take these drugs? Why was this seemingly only happening to me? I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone, living in an alternate reality than everyone else. Eventually I determined that Paxil simply wasn’t working for me any more, and in fact might be harming me. So I decided to try “tapering” off this time, in hopes that the results would be different than the previous cold switch attempt. The advice I found on conventional medical websites indicated an SSRI taper could be done over the span of a few weeks. So I reduced the dosage each week over the span of one month – 10 mg for a week, then 7.5 mg, then 5 mg, then 2.5 mg before stopping. Since I was already in pretty severe protracted withdrawal, I actually didn’t notice many changes (positive or negative) during this short taper period. With the medication now out of my system, I was hoping I would start seeing some improvements in my condition, but that didn’t happen. After 8 weeks off all meds, I went to yet another doctor. This one prescribed Cymbalta (duloxetine). I took 2 doses and had a horrible reaction. I wasn’t able to sleep at all both nights so I stopped taking it immediately. I was then prescribed Lexapro (escitalopram) which I was forced myself to stick with for around 10 days before having to stop that drug as well. Not knowing what else to do, I decided to try reinstating Paxil one last time in hopes I could somehow stabilize. I started at 5 mg for several weeks, but didn’t notice any improvement, so I upped the dose to 10 mg. At this point I developed akathisia. I could not sit still and it felt like I was being tortured. I went four consecutive nights without sleeping. I would lay in bed all night, wide awake in terror, and as soon as the sun would come up I’d go outside and walk around the neighborhood attempting to suppress the agonizing sensations in my body. I couldn’t eat anything. I lost about 20 lbs in the span of a few weeks. So back to the doctor I went. I had my wife come with me this time, to vouch for how abnormal all of this was for me. Merely months prior, I had been a normal, functional, stable person. Only after all of their drug switches/experimentation had I fallen into such a horrific state. Surely they’d now be able to realize that I had clearly been harmed by the drugs, and then they’d be able to offer some solution. Wrong. I was instead told that what had occurred was actually an unmasking of bipolar disorder. They tried to prescribe me the antipsychotic Seroquel (quetiapine) and referred me to a psychiatrist. I declined these options, and finally realized I was completely on my own. The medical safety net I’d always counted on was nothing but an illusion. At that point, I decided I had no options but to quit all medications and let the chips fall where they may. It was also around this time that I found Surviving Antidepressants and other similar websites, and began to finally piece together what had happened to me. While it was nice to finally have some answers and realize that I wasn’t alone, a lot of what I saw was terrifying. Countless stories of people who had been suffering for years. Some for a decade or even longer. Not many stories of recovery. Shortly after stopping Paxil for the final time in August of 2020, the intensity of the akathisia diminished somewhat, although strong remnants of the feeling still persist to this day. My appetite also returned, and I was able to start getting some sleep again, although it remains broken and un-restorative. About 3 months after stopping all medications, I suddenly developed severe urinary problems. One afternoon I went to the bathroom, just like I had thousands of times before. But this time when I finished it still felt like I needed to go. This quickly turned into a strong urge to urinate 24 hours a day, pain in my pelvic area and urethra, and difficulty fully emptying my bladder. I went to urologists and tried overactive bladder medications which did not help. Physical therapy did not help much either. At its worst, this condition was so horrible that I thought I would have no choice but to take my own life to escape the horrible sensations. It was on par with akathisia in terms of how unbearable it was. The worst of this issue lasted around 6 months before it settled down a bit to a more tolerable level and I started learning how to live with it. However, my urinary functioning never returned anywhere close to normal. It remains a very distressing and painful issue, and contributes a lot to my inability to get quality sleep. Below is a list of the other chronic symptoms I developed since this living nightmare started. Some of them improved shortly after ceasing all medications, but many of them have not improved much if at all. Severe Headaches Head & Eye Pressure Dizziness / Perceptual Distortions Vision Problems / Dry Eyes Sensitivity to Light & Sound Fear / Panic / Anxiety Akathisia / Inner Restlessness Intolerance to Stress / Overstimulation Depression / Anhedonia Suicidal Urges / Desire to Die Insomnia / Poor Sleep Quality Drowsiness / Fatigue Depersonalization / Derealization Cognitive Impairment / Memory Problems Ringing Tinnitus Jaw Tension / Pain Neck & Shoulder Tension / Pain Back Pain Tailbone Pain Body Aches / Muscle Burning Tingling / Numbness / Paresthesia Temperature Regulation Issues Frequent Urination / Nocturia Bladder & Pelvic Pain I’ve been to many primary care doctors, urologists, physical therapists, chiropractors, acupuncturists, and eventually a neurologist. I’ve had many tests done, all of which revealed nothing. The neurologist visit was the most disappointing of all. I think based on the notes from my previous doctors, she had already predetermined it was all in my head before the appointment even began. I outlined my symptoms and when she pressed me to explain when they started and what I think might have caused them, she became dismissive and antagonistic. She said the drugs don't cause any lasting dysfunction, and emphatically defended the cold switch recommended by my doctor as “medically acceptable.” Protecting the status quo and defending their profession from any criticism or liability seems to be of far more importance to most doctors than the actual well-being of patients. At my urging, she agreed to order an MRI of my head and neck which didn’t show anything abnormal. When I mentioned how my debilitating symptoms often made work very challenging, she condescendingly stated, “You need to keep working. I don’t care if you have to take a job on the graveyard shift.” Her parting advice to me was to exercise harder (“work out until you drop if that's what it takes” were her exact words). I couldn’t believe this was all that a neurologist was able to offer me. I consider myself fortunate to have my wife and family by my side throughout this horrific ordeal. My wife has been amazing and has stood by me without wavering. My family has been supportive and understanding as well. It took a bit for all of them to come around to the idea that I had been harmed by a prescription drug, and that it was not just a psychological issue as the doctors were claiming. But having known me before all of this and seeing the bizarre constellation of symptoms, they now seem to understand and accept that the drugs caused some type of injury to my nervous system. While nobody could ever truly understand what it’s like to suffer this type of iatrogenic damage, it is still comforting to be believed by the people you care about. I know not everyone is so lucky. I have somehow been able to stay employed throughout all of this. The COVID pandemic gave me a lot of cover to hide my illness, since I was able to work from home and avoid most social interactions for a while. I’m now back in the office two days per week which is a challenge, but it can also serve as a distraction and I have been able to white knuckle through it most days. Many things that used to be simple and easy (driving, going to the grocery store, social gatherings, traveling anywhere, following step-by-step instructions, physical exertion, etc.) remain very difficult and I can only do things for short periods of time before I need rest. I still try to force myself to do these things when I’m able to. I don’t really get any joy or satisfaction from them, but I try anyway so that I can spend time with my wife and because it might be beneficial to me in some way I don’t yet realize. For the same reason, I also try to walk each day and do light exercise a few times per week. Every day for me is a battle of enduring substantial physical pain and mental suffering before a brief respite of restless sleep. The mornings start with a cortisol-type early awakening, mixed with what feels like a terrible hangover. It feels as though I have been in a car wreck and drugged with both sedatives and stimulants at the same time. I have persistent head and neck pain that is not resolved by any type of treatment. I often wonder if the drugs really could have caused all of this, or if I have developed some other unrecognized chronic illness. I never fathomed torture this surreal and relentless was even possible as part of the human experience. Within the community of people who have been harmed by psychiatric drugs, the mantra is that we will all heal. In the early going I tried to have faith in that sentiment, even though I intuitively felt like I had suffered irreversible neurological damage. I had always planned to wait until I was feeling much better to share my story. I told myself when I recovered, I’d dedicate myself to spreading hope and helping other people get through this. Unfortunately, I no longer believe I’m going to heal or recover in any meaningful way. I haven’t noticed any significant healing trajectory in myself over the 3 years that I’ve been off the meds. I more or less feel the same as I felt 12 months ago, 18 months ago, etc. I’ve also seen far too many testimonies of people who suffer indefinitely for years and years, and by comparison there are not many stories of complete recovery. My biggest regret is ever touching a psychiatric drug. My second biggest regret is following my doctor's instructions to abruptly stop. These seemingly innocuous decisions ruined my life. So many of us in this situation always tried to make smart and responsible decisions with our lives. We stayed away from dangerous and risky things like hard recreational drugs. It's such a cruel irony to then be damaged by a doctor-prescribed medication that we were told was safe and beneficial to our health. In my opinion, it is a fate worse than death. I feel as though the unique thing that makes us human is already dead and gone in me. It seems many of us in this situation are just extremely unlucky individuals. For whatever reason, our bodies had a strange (and relatively rare) neurotoxic response to starting or stopping these drugs, and it left many of us disabled with little to no quality of life. I wish I had been properly warned of these risks by my doctor. Had I received informed consent, I never would have chosen to take these drugs. I would like to make a special point of thanking all of the volunteers who help run this support forum and others like it. It’s very unfortunate that many of us don’t find this critical information until it’s too late and the damage has been done. If anything changes for me, I will make sure to provide updates. Please know that everyone affected by this horrific affliction is always in my thoughts, and I wish all of us the best.

My journey started with Xanax for school anxiety in 1989 when I was 11 and progressed from there. It was short term and innocent enough but that was my introduction to medications. I realized early that doctors didn’t understand the medications. We would call the doctors and staff nuns because when they talked about the drugs they sounded like a virgin teaching sex ed. I started on Prozac after a tricyclic overdose I probably shouldn’t have survived so I understood the need for safer drugs. After a couple years on Prozac I started feeling and acting weird. When I read ‘The Crucible’ I compared the effects of the rye toxin to the SSRI side effects I was experiencing. They switched me to Paxil (with a side of Haldol for the ruminating thoughts) in 1995 as a minor so I feel like lived through 329, complete with an emotional lability event and all. I spent the next 27 years on and off Paxil until I stopped in 2022 and this time the withdrawals (pacing aka) never went away. That is what brought me to this forum. I feel like an idiot for not discovering this site sooner. So much of what I read here is just different words for things I have written about for 30 years. I canceled cable news and social media around 2011 and I assumed sites like this were just misinformation and no more reliable than the medical journals or drug companies. Fortunately, I’ve become really good at taking in new information and knowing when to admit I was wrong and then change my opinion. It’s humbling to admit I fell fell for misinformation, but along the way I also realized how much I was right about. I think a lot of the people here have had a similar journey and I thank you for the work you have done. I got really good at using nutrition, exercise, sleep management, mindfulness/meditation and stress management to manage my health after I stopped the Zyprexa and Lithium almost 20 years ago. I was never able to stop the Paxil and eventually learned how to doctor shop and circle the right numbers to get my prescription filled. I wasn’t planning on stopping when and how I did two years ago, but bad luck happened I ended up doing a short taper without medical supervision. I was arrogant and overconfident and have paid a high price. At this point I am skeptical if reintroduction or tapering would help but I remain open minded. After 27 years of Paxil I realize I am an extreme case and I may be looking at years of healing. I quit drinking without much effort and lost all the weight I gained from meds (80+ pounds) and have experienced the associated health benefits. I feel like things are going in the right direction despite the symptoms. I have been fortunate to find a good open minded therapist but not as lucky finding medical doctors familiar with akathisia and withdrawals, although I hope that will soon change. I’m in a good enough place mentally, but the endless pacing and health rumination is exhausting and at times overwhelms me. There are a few other things in my history that may be relevant and I also have a lot questions, but for now I just want to get this posted.

hi,all been on &off antidepressants for 20 yrs but never felt this crummy.since stopping Paroxetine have had flu-like symptoms ,then fatigue loss of appetite,taste changes,eye problems(excessive blinking actually started while on it,that's why I quit).depression,anxiety,just miserable,wondering if I should reinstate or just try & hang in there.I was on it about 6 mos.stopped May 4 after about 7 wk taper.thanks for any suggestions

Hi everyone, So glad to have found this forum in my journey weaning off Paxil. Because of severe withdrawal symptoms during my doctor's recommended tapering schedule, I'm weaning off Paxil painstakingly slowly (liquid prescription, with a syringe). I have a question about tapering at smaller doses. I accidentally missed a dose (just 1.2 mg.) on January 17. Anyone who has taken Paxil knows that you do. not. skip. a dose. I don't know how it happened, but I forgot to take it one night (for the first time in about ten years). For the next TWO WEEKS, I was nauseous, had trouble eating, had mood swings, and worst of all, had some very scary depersonalization (feeling like I was in a dream or on LSD). Very scary. So, this can really happen from just missing a tiny 1.2 mg. dose? I called my doctor and they said this "isn't because of Paxil." Lol. Thanks so much! (This is why I'm so grateful for this forum--people actually dealing with the reality of tapering off these medicines.) Wouldn't tapering get easier as I get down to lower doses? ? What am I going to do at lower doses? The 10% method sounds good in theory, but yikes -- it will take forever just to get off 1.2 mg. My eventual goal is to get off Paxil and Zoloft, but my primary goal is to stay alive. I appreciate your thoughts and opinions! Thanks! I ran out of room in my signature for my quite-lengthy history, so I am expanding it here since this is my intro post: On Paxil since 1996--anxiety and depression. It worked for a while, but had to keep increasing it. 20 mg --> 40 mg --> 60 mg. For years I've wanted to get off it -- it wasn't working anymore, but very difficult to come off. Early 2013--Getting treated for sleep apnea (with CPAP) eliminated about 75% of my anxiety. Who knew?!?!? How long had I had sleep apnea, but treated anxiety with meds? March 2013: Feeling so good with CPAP treatment that I started weaning off Paxil about 10 mg/month: 60mg to 50 mg to 40 mg (NO negative effects whatsoever--if anything, I just felt better and better.) July 2013-- went from 40 mg to 30 mg. Some dizziness; nothing major. Starting a new job; paused taper. June 2014, began Paxil taper again, going from 30 to 20 in one week. (I can't believe that a medical professional actually advised me to do this.) This was very, very bad (dizziness and suicidality--the first time in my life--very scary), so went back to 25mg. Stayed at 25 mg. for another year. Not looking forward to going back down and continuing taper! In June 2015 started a cross-taper while adding Zoloft--went from 25 mg. Paxil to 20, to 10, to [this was the most difficult one] 5.) The cut from 10 to 5 mg gave me akathisia; nausea; suicidal thoughts; rage; and severe anxiety. Most of my time was consumed in dealing with Paxil tapering effects. August 2015 -- obtained a prescription for liquid Paxil. September: 4 mg Paxil October 2015: Suicidality -- doctor advised me to go up on Zoloft; I did so to save my life. Now at 100 mg Zoloft. (But it's not working -- my exercise, eating, meditation, acupuncture, and supplements are.) October to December 2015: 4 mg Paxil --> 3 mg --> 2 mg --> 1.6 mg. Symptoms are tolerable at this rate; the worst is a feeling of being intoxicated for several hours a day. But going this slow makes me feel like it will take forever to get off! ! ! Currently: 1.2 mg Paxil. Also: Vitamin D; Vitamin B complex; magnesium; plenty of protein; exercise; acupuncture; meditation/mindfulness; working with a naturopathic doctor.