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littlebird: tried tapering Pristiq - will try tapering Wellbutrin instead

littlebird

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5 minutes ago, littlebird said:

Sounds like a plan! Gosh darn it, I am kicking myself for this one. What a giant mistake. Got my paranoid I've been making other big mistakes in my life... quadruple checking work today. Which, shoot, I need to get to!! Okay, today's goal is stabilization. 

 

Good that you see what went wrong. It might be a good idea to check and double check when making changes in dosage or meds.

 

If not sure, you can always ask one of the moderators. Better safe than sorry...

 

What are you going to do now with the Wellbutrin dosage? 

1993    Anafranil (Clomipramine) for a few months. Later in 1993 Paxil for a few months 1993- 2006      No medication

2006   Effexor, Cymbalta, some Benzo’s. All for short periods. Later in 2006 Lexapro (escitalopram) 10 mg and shortly after Wellbutrin XR 150mg, against side effects Lexapro 

Since 2006 until end of 2015: Several times on and off Lexapro and Wellbutrin and several slight dosage changes. Mostly taken dosages: 5mg Lexapro and 150mg Wellbutrin

2016  Dosage change Lexapro from 5mg to 2,5 mg. Wellbutrin stayed om 150mg

November 2016 – April 2017 Down from 2,5mg to 0,6mg Lexapro (in steps) without much problems. Wellbutrin down from 150mg to 66mg. Also without much problems.

April 2017 – March 2019       Lexapro 0,6 mg        April 2017 - August 2018       Wellbutrin in small steps down from 66mg in to 37,5 mg . Quite heavy WD after each step.

March 2019 – May 2019 Lexapro down from 0,6 to 0,3mg then Prozac to 0,6 mg switch because severe discontinuation effects (may also have been from Wellbutrin..)    

Wellbutrin down from 37,5mg to 35,3mg 

October 2019        Seroquel 12,5 mg for 4 weeks because of extreme sleeping problems, then weaning off in 2 weeks       Prozac up dosage to 1,2 mg

March 2020     Wellbutrin in 2 steps down from 35,3mg to 33,3mg   Extreme withdrawal effects during 8 months. Stopped tapering Wellbutrin  until total off Prozac. 

February 2020 – November 2020   Prozac down in steps from 1,2mg to 0,57mg. 

Jan 2021 :  Prozac down to:  0,55> 0,53>0,51mg,   Feb 0,47mg ,  Mar 0,42mg,   Apr 0,37, longer hold because of WD symptoms July 0,36 and hold again, Sept 19 0,35, Sept 26 0,34mg, Oct 3 0,33mg  Long hold of 172 days until March 2022

January 20, 2022:  Wellbutrin from 33,3 to 32,4mg

March 22, 2022 Prozac down from 0,33mg to: 0,30mg, Apr 0,29, May 0,28, 0,27, June 0,26, 0,25, July 0,24, 0,23, 0,22, 0,21, Aug 0,20, 0,19 Sep 0,18, Oct 0,17. 0,16, 0,15, Nov 0,14  Jan 2023 0,13, 0,12, 0,11  Feb 0,10, 0,09 Mar 0,08 ,  June 0,07 , July 0,06,  0,05, Aug 0,04, 0,03, Sept 0,026, 0,024 Nov 0,022, 0,019, 0,016, 0,013 Dec 0,012, 0,011, 0,010, 0,009   Jan 2024 0,008, 0,007,  0,006,  0,005, 0,004, 0,003, 0,002, 0,001, Feb  0,0007.  0,0005,   0,0003, 0,0001,  

Feb 23, 2024:  0,00000

Wellbutrin resume tapering: Apr 2024 31,6mg, 30,8, 30,0 , May 29,1, 28,2

  

Supplements: Fish Oil (3000mg), Magnesium 100 mg, 2 drops of Lavender Oil, only when feeling extreme anxiety. 50mg of L-Theanine only when severe discontinuation effects caused by Wellbutrin

 

Please note this is NOT a medical advice. Discuss all your medical issues with a doctor who understands psychical drugs and really knows how to withdraw from them. I wish that you will find one.

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littlebird

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1 minute ago, Go2zero said:

It might be a good idea to check and double check when making changes in dosage or meds.

 

If not sure, you can always ask one of the moderators. Better safe than sorry...

 

Good call! I haven't wanted to bother people, you're all so busy with everyone, but now I sure wish I'd asked.

 

1 minute ago, Go2zero said:

What are you going to do now with the Wellbutrin dosage? 

 

I was just trying to figure that out. I'm thinking since I was feeling so rough/up and down, I should try to do the 3x a day you suggested. Here's what I'm thinking, to aim at the 75-80mg you mentioned. Chose 75mg just to make the math easy while I figure out schedule, open to 80mg:

 

10am - 100mg Gabapentin (already taken today)

12pm - 25mg Wellbutrin IR

2pm - 100mg Gabapentin

4pm - 25mg Wellbutrin IR

6pm - 100mg Gabapentin

8pm - 25mg Wellbutrin IR

10pm - Pristiq <- This is making me tired and dumb since starting IR, and I'm thinking moving it out of the work day would be smart... but also I don't know, and do not trust myself much at this moment 😬

Midnight - 100mg Seroquel 

 

Thank you so much for your help! I was heading down a dangerously bad road and having increasingly nasty intrusive thoughts. NO WONDER, I took a 50% decrease. I was thinking SR and IR hit differently and that's why the dose would be smaller (like how Effexor is a higher dose than Pristiq despite being in the same family). 

 

The fact that I mess up so badly is chilling. Just asked my boss if I've been making mistakes lately, and it seems like I was at least holding down work (if not my personal life). 

Pronouns: they/them/theirs 

Started on Prozac in early 2000s to treat cPTSD, been on various cocktails ever since.

2002-2004, 2017-2022: Buspar, tapered down to 0

2016-present: 100mg Seroquel for sleep -> May 2023: 90mg -> June 2023: 81mg -> September 2023: 72mg -> switched to brand name, much too strong, down to 60mg -> October 2023: 54mg -> November 2023: 50mg -> January 2024: 45mg -> April 2024: 40.5mg

2016-Present: 100mg Wellbutrin SR -> January 2023: 75mg IR (37.5mg 2x a day) -> February 2023 (33.75mg 2x a day) -> July 2023 (30.37mg 2x a day) -> August 2023: 27.33mg 2x a day 

2018-present: 25mg Pristiq

2015-present: 600mg Gabapentin (200mg 3x a day) -> December 2022: 300mg Gabapentin (100mg 3x a day) per GP's recommendation after side effects -> March 2023: 90mg 3x a day (switched to liquid suspension) -> April 2023: 81mg 3x a day -> September 2023: bad generic, switched back to homemade liquid; too strong after bad generic, down to 70mg 3x a day, still bad. Adjusted slowly till at 60mg 3x a day, much better. Long hold till -> December 2023: 54mg, still feels too high after November Seroquel switch from brand name to generic, doc recommended 50mg which feels better -> January 2024: When Wellbutrin went down, Gabapentin started putting me to sleep, went down to 45mg, then 41mg to stay awake, so far so good -> February 2024: 36mg, still too high, 34mg -> March 2024: 31mg, STILL too high, 30mg

Supplements: Multivitamin w/magnesium, probiotics, digestive enzymes, anti-viral nitric oxide nose spray as needed

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Go2zero

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4 minutes ago, littlebird said:

Here's what I'm thinking, to aim at the 75-80mg you mentioned. Chose 75mg just to make the math easy while I figure out schedule, open to 80mg:

For the Wellbutrin I think this is a good strategy. But you really need to reckon with a stabilisation period. And during that, you may experience more instability and symptoms. That is very common after big dosage changes. If that happend, you can nothing else do than sitting it out...

 

For all your other meds, please do not change anything now. This may make things worse...

 

I cannot advise you very well with all other meds in you cocktail. Alto was advising you there. 

 

But what she also said, never taper more than 1 drug at the same time. And always stabilise before tapering the next drug. I suggest you make a plan which drug to taper, after being stable again on the Wellbutrin.

 

If you need advise, ask the moderators.

1993    Anafranil (Clomipramine) for a few months. Later in 1993 Paxil for a few months 1993- 2006      No medication

2006   Effexor, Cymbalta, some Benzo’s. All for short periods. Later in 2006 Lexapro (escitalopram) 10 mg and shortly after Wellbutrin XR 150mg, against side effects Lexapro 

Since 2006 until end of 2015: Several times on and off Lexapro and Wellbutrin and several slight dosage changes. Mostly taken dosages: 5mg Lexapro and 150mg Wellbutrin

2016  Dosage change Lexapro from 5mg to 2,5 mg. Wellbutrin stayed om 150mg

November 2016 – April 2017 Down from 2,5mg to 0,6mg Lexapro (in steps) without much problems. Wellbutrin down from 150mg to 66mg. Also without much problems.

April 2017 – March 2019       Lexapro 0,6 mg        April 2017 - August 2018       Wellbutrin in small steps down from 66mg in to 37,5 mg . Quite heavy WD after each step.

March 2019 – May 2019 Lexapro down from 0,6 to 0,3mg then Prozac to 0,6 mg switch because severe discontinuation effects (may also have been from Wellbutrin..)    

Wellbutrin down from 37,5mg to 35,3mg 

October 2019        Seroquel 12,5 mg for 4 weeks because of extreme sleeping problems, then weaning off in 2 weeks       Prozac up dosage to 1,2 mg

March 2020     Wellbutrin in 2 steps down from 35,3mg to 33,3mg   Extreme withdrawal effects during 8 months. Stopped tapering Wellbutrin  until total off Prozac. 

February 2020 – November 2020   Prozac down in steps from 1,2mg to 0,57mg. 

Jan 2021 :  Prozac down to:  0,55> 0,53>0,51mg,   Feb 0,47mg ,  Mar 0,42mg,   Apr 0,37, longer hold because of WD symptoms July 0,36 and hold again, Sept 19 0,35, Sept 26 0,34mg, Oct 3 0,33mg  Long hold of 172 days until March 2022

January 20, 2022:  Wellbutrin from 33,3 to 32,4mg

March 22, 2022 Prozac down from 0,33mg to: 0,30mg, Apr 0,29, May 0,28, 0,27, June 0,26, 0,25, July 0,24, 0,23, 0,22, 0,21, Aug 0,20, 0,19 Sep 0,18, Oct 0,17. 0,16, 0,15, Nov 0,14  Jan 2023 0,13, 0,12, 0,11  Feb 0,10, 0,09 Mar 0,08 ,  June 0,07 , July 0,06,  0,05, Aug 0,04, 0,03, Sept 0,026, 0,024 Nov 0,022, 0,019, 0,016, 0,013 Dec 0,012, 0,011, 0,010, 0,009   Jan 2024 0,008, 0,007,  0,006,  0,005, 0,004, 0,003, 0,002, 0,001, Feb  0,0007.  0,0005,   0,0003, 0,0001,  

Feb 23, 2024:  0,00000

Wellbutrin resume tapering: Apr 2024 31,6mg, 30,8, 30,0 , May 29,1, 28,2

  

Supplements: Fish Oil (3000mg), Magnesium 100 mg, 2 drops of Lavender Oil, only when feeling extreme anxiety. 50mg of L-Theanine only when severe discontinuation effects caused by Wellbutrin

 

Please note this is NOT a medical advice. Discuss all your medical issues with a doctor who understands psychical drugs and really knows how to withdraw from them. I wish that you will find one.

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littlebird

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7 minutes ago, Go2zero said:

For the Wellbutrin I think this is a good strategy. But you really need to reckon with a stabilisation period. And during that, you may experience more instability and symptoms. That is very common after big dosage changes. If that happend, you can nothing else do than sitting it out...

 

Thank you! Had to reset my "talk to Alto in two weeks" clock anyway, so those two weeks can be stabilization time as body recovers from my big ole ****-up. Might take longer than two weeks with my mistake, just gotta stick with it and see how I feel in 14 days and reassess then. 

Pronouns: they/them/theirs 

Started on Prozac in early 2000s to treat cPTSD, been on various cocktails ever since.

2002-2004, 2017-2022: Buspar, tapered down to 0

2016-present: 100mg Seroquel for sleep -> May 2023: 90mg -> June 2023: 81mg -> September 2023: 72mg -> switched to brand name, much too strong, down to 60mg -> October 2023: 54mg -> November 2023: 50mg -> January 2024: 45mg -> April 2024: 40.5mg

2016-Present: 100mg Wellbutrin SR -> January 2023: 75mg IR (37.5mg 2x a day) -> February 2023 (33.75mg 2x a day) -> July 2023 (30.37mg 2x a day) -> August 2023: 27.33mg 2x a day 

2018-present: 25mg Pristiq

2015-present: 600mg Gabapentin (200mg 3x a day) -> December 2022: 300mg Gabapentin (100mg 3x a day) per GP's recommendation after side effects -> March 2023: 90mg 3x a day (switched to liquid suspension) -> April 2023: 81mg 3x a day -> September 2023: bad generic, switched back to homemade liquid; too strong after bad generic, down to 70mg 3x a day, still bad. Adjusted slowly till at 60mg 3x a day, much better. Long hold till -> December 2023: 54mg, still feels too high after November Seroquel switch from brand name to generic, doc recommended 50mg which feels better -> January 2024: When Wellbutrin went down, Gabapentin started putting me to sleep, went down to 45mg, then 41mg to stay awake, so far so good -> February 2024: 36mg, still too high, 34mg -> March 2024: 31mg, STILL too high, 30mg

Supplements: Multivitamin w/magnesium, probiotics, digestive enzymes, anti-viral nitric oxide nose spray as needed

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Go2zero

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Sounds as a good plan. Also be kind to yourself. We all make mistakes. This is how we can learn. Being kind to yourself and self compassion also help in healing! 🙏

Edited by Go2zero

1993    Anafranil (Clomipramine) for a few months. Later in 1993 Paxil for a few months 1993- 2006      No medication

2006   Effexor, Cymbalta, some Benzo’s. All for short periods. Later in 2006 Lexapro (escitalopram) 10 mg and shortly after Wellbutrin XR 150mg, against side effects Lexapro 

Since 2006 until end of 2015: Several times on and off Lexapro and Wellbutrin and several slight dosage changes. Mostly taken dosages: 5mg Lexapro and 150mg Wellbutrin

2016  Dosage change Lexapro from 5mg to 2,5 mg. Wellbutrin stayed om 150mg

November 2016 – April 2017 Down from 2,5mg to 0,6mg Lexapro (in steps) without much problems. Wellbutrin down from 150mg to 66mg. Also without much problems.

April 2017 – March 2019       Lexapro 0,6 mg        April 2017 - August 2018       Wellbutrin in small steps down from 66mg in to 37,5 mg . Quite heavy WD after each step.

March 2019 – May 2019 Lexapro down from 0,6 to 0,3mg then Prozac to 0,6 mg switch because severe discontinuation effects (may also have been from Wellbutrin..)    

Wellbutrin down from 37,5mg to 35,3mg 

October 2019        Seroquel 12,5 mg for 4 weeks because of extreme sleeping problems, then weaning off in 2 weeks       Prozac up dosage to 1,2 mg

March 2020     Wellbutrin in 2 steps down from 35,3mg to 33,3mg   Extreme withdrawal effects during 8 months. Stopped tapering Wellbutrin  until total off Prozac. 

February 2020 – November 2020   Prozac down in steps from 1,2mg to 0,57mg. 

Jan 2021 :  Prozac down to:  0,55> 0,53>0,51mg,   Feb 0,47mg ,  Mar 0,42mg,   Apr 0,37, longer hold because of WD symptoms July 0,36 and hold again, Sept 19 0,35, Sept 26 0,34mg, Oct 3 0,33mg  Long hold of 172 days until March 2022

January 20, 2022:  Wellbutrin from 33,3 to 32,4mg

March 22, 2022 Prozac down from 0,33mg to: 0,30mg, Apr 0,29, May 0,28, 0,27, June 0,26, 0,25, July 0,24, 0,23, 0,22, 0,21, Aug 0,20, 0,19 Sep 0,18, Oct 0,17. 0,16, 0,15, Nov 0,14  Jan 2023 0,13, 0,12, 0,11  Feb 0,10, 0,09 Mar 0,08 ,  June 0,07 , July 0,06,  0,05, Aug 0,04, 0,03, Sept 0,026, 0,024 Nov 0,022, 0,019, 0,016, 0,013 Dec 0,012, 0,011, 0,010, 0,009   Jan 2024 0,008, 0,007,  0,006,  0,005, 0,004, 0,003, 0,002, 0,001, Feb  0,0007.  0,0005,   0,0003, 0,0001,  

Feb 23, 2024:  0,00000

Wellbutrin resume tapering: Apr 2024 31,6mg, 30,8, 30,0 , May 29,1, 28,2

  

Supplements: Fish Oil (3000mg), Magnesium 100 mg, 2 drops of Lavender Oil, only when feeling extreme anxiety. 50mg of L-Theanine only when severe discontinuation effects caused by Wellbutrin

 

Please note this is NOT a medical advice. Discuss all your medical issues with a doctor who understands psychical drugs and really knows how to withdraw from them. I wish that you will find one.

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littlebird

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2 hours ago, Go2zero said:

Sounds as a good plan. Also be kind to yourself. We all make mistakes. This is how we can learn. Being kind to yourself and self compassion also help in healing! 🙏

 

Thanks, I needed that! After realizing my mistake, I told my partner, "I'm sorry you're married to an idiot," which made them have some rare sternness with me.

 

I wouldn't call them, or anyone else, an idiot for making a mistake. Calling myself names won't erase the mistake, I'll just bring myself down at a time when I need to be spiraling upwards. Okay, compassion time! 

 

Maybe I can even give myself some credit for working full time while my brain was crumbling. I was beating myself up these past two weeks for not being terribly functional, when in hindsight I'm shocked I'm as functional as I was with a 50% drop like that. Well, things might start to get easier now that I know and am course correcting. Hopefully!

Pronouns: they/them/theirs 

Started on Prozac in early 2000s to treat cPTSD, been on various cocktails ever since.

2002-2004, 2017-2022: Buspar, tapered down to 0

2016-present: 100mg Seroquel for sleep -> May 2023: 90mg -> June 2023: 81mg -> September 2023: 72mg -> switched to brand name, much too strong, down to 60mg -> October 2023: 54mg -> November 2023: 50mg -> January 2024: 45mg -> April 2024: 40.5mg

2016-Present: 100mg Wellbutrin SR -> January 2023: 75mg IR (37.5mg 2x a day) -> February 2023 (33.75mg 2x a day) -> July 2023 (30.37mg 2x a day) -> August 2023: 27.33mg 2x a day 

2018-present: 25mg Pristiq

2015-present: 600mg Gabapentin (200mg 3x a day) -> December 2022: 300mg Gabapentin (100mg 3x a day) per GP's recommendation after side effects -> March 2023: 90mg 3x a day (switched to liquid suspension) -> April 2023: 81mg 3x a day -> September 2023: bad generic, switched back to homemade liquid; too strong after bad generic, down to 70mg 3x a day, still bad. Adjusted slowly till at 60mg 3x a day, much better. Long hold till -> December 2023: 54mg, still feels too high after November Seroquel switch from brand name to generic, doc recommended 50mg which feels better -> January 2024: When Wellbutrin went down, Gabapentin started putting me to sleep, went down to 45mg, then 41mg to stay awake, so far so good -> February 2024: 36mg, still too high, 34mg -> March 2024: 31mg, STILL too high, 30mg

Supplements: Multivitamin w/magnesium, probiotics, digestive enzymes, anti-viral nitric oxide nose spray as needed

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Go2zero

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Loving yourself, acceptance and forgiving yourself are such good things! Without making mistakes we would never learn and grow! 💗🙏

1

1993    Anafranil (Clomipramine) for a few months. Later in 1993 Paxil for a few months 1993- 2006      No medication

2006   Effexor, Cymbalta, some Benzo’s. All for short periods. Later in 2006 Lexapro (escitalopram) 10 mg and shortly after Wellbutrin XR 150mg, against side effects Lexapro 

Since 2006 until end of 2015: Several times on and off Lexapro and Wellbutrin and several slight dosage changes. Mostly taken dosages: 5mg Lexapro and 150mg Wellbutrin

2016  Dosage change Lexapro from 5mg to 2,5 mg. Wellbutrin stayed om 150mg

November 2016 – April 2017 Down from 2,5mg to 0,6mg Lexapro (in steps) without much problems. Wellbutrin down from 150mg to 66mg. Also without much problems.

April 2017 – March 2019       Lexapro 0,6 mg        April 2017 - August 2018       Wellbutrin in small steps down from 66mg in to 37,5 mg . Quite heavy WD after each step.

March 2019 – May 2019 Lexapro down from 0,6 to 0,3mg then Prozac to 0,6 mg switch because severe discontinuation effects (may also have been from Wellbutrin..)    

Wellbutrin down from 37,5mg to 35,3mg 

October 2019        Seroquel 12,5 mg for 4 weeks because of extreme sleeping problems, then weaning off in 2 weeks       Prozac up dosage to 1,2 mg

March 2020     Wellbutrin in 2 steps down from 35,3mg to 33,3mg   Extreme withdrawal effects during 8 months. Stopped tapering Wellbutrin  until total off Prozac. 

February 2020 – November 2020   Prozac down in steps from 1,2mg to 0,57mg. 

Jan 2021 :  Prozac down to:  0,55> 0,53>0,51mg,   Feb 0,47mg ,  Mar 0,42mg,   Apr 0,37, longer hold because of WD symptoms July 0,36 and hold again, Sept 19 0,35, Sept 26 0,34mg, Oct 3 0,33mg  Long hold of 172 days until March 2022

January 20, 2022:  Wellbutrin from 33,3 to 32,4mg

March 22, 2022 Prozac down from 0,33mg to: 0,30mg, Apr 0,29, May 0,28, 0,27, June 0,26, 0,25, July 0,24, 0,23, 0,22, 0,21, Aug 0,20, 0,19 Sep 0,18, Oct 0,17. 0,16, 0,15, Nov 0,14  Jan 2023 0,13, 0,12, 0,11  Feb 0,10, 0,09 Mar 0,08 ,  June 0,07 , July 0,06,  0,05, Aug 0,04, 0,03, Sept 0,026, 0,024 Nov 0,022, 0,019, 0,016, 0,013 Dec 0,012, 0,011, 0,010, 0,009   Jan 2024 0,008, 0,007,  0,006,  0,005, 0,004, 0,003, 0,002, 0,001, Feb  0,0007.  0,0005,   0,0003, 0,0001,  

Feb 23, 2024:  0,00000

Wellbutrin resume tapering: Apr 2024 31,6mg, 30,8, 30,0 , May 29,1, 28,2

  

Supplements: Fish Oil (3000mg), Magnesium 100 mg, 2 drops of Lavender Oil, only when feeling extreme anxiety. 50mg of L-Theanine only when severe discontinuation effects caused by Wellbutrin

 

Please note this is NOT a medical advice. Discuss all your medical issues with a doctor who understands psychical drugs and really knows how to withdraw from them. I wish that you will find one.

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littlebird Veteran

littlebird

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On 12/5/2022 at 2:49 PM, Shep said:

A 50% reduction on a drug you've been on for years may indeed be too much.

 

If that turns out to be true, you may want to increase it 25% and see if you still get some reduction in side effects without having as many withdrawal problems. 

 

I'm wondering how many issues I'm having after lowering Gabapentin after finding out it was affecting my pancreas and was the culprit behind the terrible stomachaches I developed. My GP had me cut my dose in half, which helped the stomachaches immensely, and made me lose my mind with anxiety.

 

Ideally, I could have tapered, but also my stomachaches were increasingly debilitating each day I took Gabapentin. I guess medical needs took precedence, but that was another case of a 50% drop off a cliff at a time I was too busy to think about it enough.

 

Just remembered this, I've just been keeping on with the 300mg a day. Spacing it out in 100mg doses is great for the stomach, no more pain, but... is this too low?

 

Well, good to think about if not act on. I'm focused on stabilizing Wellbutrin after messing up the dosage. One thing at a time. As much as I love multi-tasking, this isn't the place for it. *sigh* I really screwed this up these past few weeks. Also possibly in December when I took my GP's Gabapentin advice. I need to distract myself, I can't stop thinking about mistakes I made! 😬

Pronouns: they/them/theirs 

Started on Prozac in early 2000s to treat cPTSD, been on various cocktails ever since.

2002-2004, 2017-2022: Buspar, tapered down to 0

2016-present: 100mg Seroquel for sleep -> May 2023: 90mg -> June 2023: 81mg -> September 2023: 72mg -> switched to brand name, much too strong, down to 60mg -> October 2023: 54mg -> November 2023: 50mg -> January 2024: 45mg -> April 2024: 40.5mg

2016-Present: 100mg Wellbutrin SR -> January 2023: 75mg IR (37.5mg 2x a day) -> February 2023 (33.75mg 2x a day) -> July 2023 (30.37mg 2x a day) -> August 2023: 27.33mg 2x a day 

2018-present: 25mg Pristiq

2015-present: 600mg Gabapentin (200mg 3x a day) -> December 2022: 300mg Gabapentin (100mg 3x a day) per GP's recommendation after side effects -> March 2023: 90mg 3x a day (switched to liquid suspension) -> April 2023: 81mg 3x a day -> September 2023: bad generic, switched back to homemade liquid; too strong after bad generic, down to 70mg 3x a day, still bad. Adjusted slowly till at 60mg 3x a day, much better. Long hold till -> December 2023: 54mg, still feels too high after November Seroquel switch from brand name to generic, doc recommended 50mg which feels better -> January 2024: When Wellbutrin went down, Gabapentin started putting me to sleep, went down to 45mg, then 41mg to stay awake, so far so good -> February 2024: 36mg, still too high, 34mg -> March 2024: 31mg, STILL too high, 30mg

Supplements: Multivitamin w/magnesium, probiotics, digestive enzymes, anti-viral nitric oxide nose spray as needed

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littlebird

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8 hours ago, Go2zero said:

Loving yourself, acceptance and forgiving yourself are such good things! Without making mistakes we would never learn and grow! 💗🙏

 

Thank you!! It was a mistake, those happen (especially when cognitively fogged in), and I'm reminding myself this is a marathon and not a sprint. Time to be patient and stabilize. Thank you so much for catching my mistake!

1

Pronouns: they/them/theirs 

Started on Prozac in early 2000s to treat cPTSD, been on various cocktails ever since.

2002-2004, 2017-2022: Buspar, tapered down to 0

2016-present: 100mg Seroquel for sleep -> May 2023: 90mg -> June 2023: 81mg -> September 2023: 72mg -> switched to brand name, much too strong, down to 60mg -> October 2023: 54mg -> November 2023: 50mg -> January 2024: 45mg -> April 2024: 40.5mg

2016-Present: 100mg Wellbutrin SR -> January 2023: 75mg IR (37.5mg 2x a day) -> February 2023 (33.75mg 2x a day) -> July 2023 (30.37mg 2x a day) -> August 2023: 27.33mg 2x a day 

2018-present: 25mg Pristiq

2015-present: 600mg Gabapentin (200mg 3x a day) -> December 2022: 300mg Gabapentin (100mg 3x a day) per GP's recommendation after side effects -> March 2023: 90mg 3x a day (switched to liquid suspension) -> April 2023: 81mg 3x a day -> September 2023: bad generic, switched back to homemade liquid; too strong after bad generic, down to 70mg 3x a day, still bad. Adjusted slowly till at 60mg 3x a day, much better. Long hold till -> December 2023: 54mg, still feels too high after November Seroquel switch from brand name to generic, doc recommended 50mg which feels better -> January 2024: When Wellbutrin went down, Gabapentin started putting me to sleep, went down to 45mg, then 41mg to stay awake, so far so good -> February 2024: 36mg, still too high, 34mg -> March 2024: 31mg, STILL too high, 30mg

Supplements: Multivitamin w/magnesium, probiotics, digestive enzymes, anti-viral nitric oxide nose spray as needed

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littlebird Veteran

littlebird

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With the combined powers of a white noise machine, loud HEPA filter, and industrial fan, we were able to sleep through the downstairs noise this morning! Woke up briefly to turn them all up in response to noise, but was able to get back to sleep. Win!

10am - 100mg Gabapentin

12pm - 25mg Wellbutrin IR

2pm - 100mg Gabapentin

4pm - 25mg Wellbutrin

5pm - Memory short circuiting, low motivation

6pm - 100mg Gabapentin

8pm - 25mg Wellbutrin

8:30pm - More energy than usual this time of night

10pm - 25mg Pristiq

11pm - Pristiq MUCh better at night than at 4pm

12am - 100mg Seroquel

 

Notes

Well, I’ve been messing myself up for the past few weeks with the wrong dosage! Switching things up, hopefully that'll help. It was getting a little bleak up in my head!

 

Concentration is shot, I can’t stop thinking about my mistake. Today is a slow work day, I’m tempted to take it off and run some errands to clear my head after taking Wellbutrin. 

 

Afternoon

I was a little confused while running errands! Drove right by the store I was going to. I was thinking about my med mistake, so maybe it was that, or I’m foggy. Not feeling as clear-headed as I did on Wellbutrin SR yesterday… but also not so amped up. I had a moment yesterday where I wondered, “Is this mania?”

 

Early evening

Not feeling so hot today! Gonna be a long road to stabilizing it seems. Well, who am I to judge the future off a hard day. Maybe it’ll be an easy walk to stabilizing, it just has a rocky scramble at the start. I need to focus on today!

 

Brain is short-circuiting a little, hard to focus, random snatches of songs running through my head, “popcorn thinking” all over the place. Oh shoot, I was heating up food and got distracted. Bye!

 

Evening

Pushing through and getting some things done despite not feeling good. 

 

Pristiq is so much better later at night! That was messing up my workday big time. The sleepy/slow feeling is so much better close to bed. 

 

Gratitude

Did a little floral arranging while my partner napped so they’ll return to work to see a bouquet on their desk. I have some other surprises for later in the day too, gonna Valentine it up!

 

I worked for a couple hours, or tried to anyway, but my brain kept short circuiting about med mistake and worries. I actually took time off today, which for me is a big deal! My brain could just listen to music, get outta the house to run some errands, and think about other things (or the med thing) as much as it wanted. I did it, time off on a workday!!

 

I was hit with overwhelming gratitude for my wonderful partner. I love them so much, and I don’t know how I got so lucky to be married to someone so perfect for me. 

1

Pronouns: they/them/theirs 

Started on Prozac in early 2000s to treat cPTSD, been on various cocktails ever since.

2002-2004, 2017-2022: Buspar, tapered down to 0

2016-present: 100mg Seroquel for sleep -> May 2023: 90mg -> June 2023: 81mg -> September 2023: 72mg -> switched to brand name, much too strong, down to 60mg -> October 2023: 54mg -> November 2023: 50mg -> January 2024: 45mg -> April 2024: 40.5mg

2016-Present: 100mg Wellbutrin SR -> January 2023: 75mg IR (37.5mg 2x a day) -> February 2023 (33.75mg 2x a day) -> July 2023 (30.37mg 2x a day) -> August 2023: 27.33mg 2x a day 

2018-present: 25mg Pristiq

2015-present: 600mg Gabapentin (200mg 3x a day) -> December 2022: 300mg Gabapentin (100mg 3x a day) per GP's recommendation after side effects -> March 2023: 90mg 3x a day (switched to liquid suspension) -> April 2023: 81mg 3x a day -> September 2023: bad generic, switched back to homemade liquid; too strong after bad generic, down to 70mg 3x a day, still bad. Adjusted slowly till at 60mg 3x a day, much better. Long hold till -> December 2023: 54mg, still feels too high after November Seroquel switch from brand name to generic, doc recommended 50mg which feels better -> January 2024: When Wellbutrin went down, Gabapentin started putting me to sleep, went down to 45mg, then 41mg to stay awake, so far so good -> February 2024: 36mg, still too high, 34mg -> March 2024: 31mg, STILL too high, 30mg

Supplements: Multivitamin w/magnesium, probiotics, digestive enzymes, anti-viral nitric oxide nose spray as needed

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littlebird

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Had another wonderful therapy session! Sometimes I wish I could see him every week, not just every two. Then again, maybe having time to process and integrate everything we talk about over two weeks might be good. He had good advice about unpacking the feelings driving intrusive thoughts that spiked during the past two weeks of wrong dosage (instead of hot-potatoing and trying to get the unpleasant thought out of my brain as fast as possible).

 

He also helped me talk through what to say the next time a parent crosses a boundary: a calm script explaining the boundary that has been crossed, saying the call is over, then hanging up. Boom! A feisty little part of me started feeling agency and thinking, “Ooh, I wish a mfer would, can’t wait to try this out.” 

 

Don’t worry, little one, there will be an opportunity sometime!  I’m med sensitive, and talking to the parents who were so harmful when I was a child hasn’t been good for me, so I might put calling/using that script on hold until I stabilize a little (and keep low contact texting so they know I’m not dead). Limiting contact is what I’d advise anyone else to do in my shoes, so practicing what I preach and keeping it LC.

 

Long story short, I love my therapist! He blows my mind every time. A good therapist is worth their weight in… I was going to say gold, but even more than that. Looked up what the most valuable substance on earth is: anti-matter. What?? Okay, sure! A good therapist is worth their weight in anti-matter.

 

If anyone who reads this has been thinking about getting/replacing a therapist, this is your sign from the universe to do so. Incredibly helpful and healing, and I'm grateful I finally asked for help and found him. Woo-hoo, feeling like I'm winning!

1

Pronouns: they/them/theirs 

Started on Prozac in early 2000s to treat cPTSD, been on various cocktails ever since.

2002-2004, 2017-2022: Buspar, tapered down to 0

2016-present: 100mg Seroquel for sleep -> May 2023: 90mg -> June 2023: 81mg -> September 2023: 72mg -> switched to brand name, much too strong, down to 60mg -> October 2023: 54mg -> November 2023: 50mg -> January 2024: 45mg -> April 2024: 40.5mg

2016-Present: 100mg Wellbutrin SR -> January 2023: 75mg IR (37.5mg 2x a day) -> February 2023 (33.75mg 2x a day) -> July 2023 (30.37mg 2x a day) -> August 2023: 27.33mg 2x a day 

2018-present: 25mg Pristiq

2015-present: 600mg Gabapentin (200mg 3x a day) -> December 2022: 300mg Gabapentin (100mg 3x a day) per GP's recommendation after side effects -> March 2023: 90mg 3x a day (switched to liquid suspension) -> April 2023: 81mg 3x a day -> September 2023: bad generic, switched back to homemade liquid; too strong after bad generic, down to 70mg 3x a day, still bad. Adjusted slowly till at 60mg 3x a day, much better. Long hold till -> December 2023: 54mg, still feels too high after November Seroquel switch from brand name to generic, doc recommended 50mg which feels better -> January 2024: When Wellbutrin went down, Gabapentin started putting me to sleep, went down to 45mg, then 41mg to stay awake, so far so good -> February 2024: 36mg, still too high, 34mg -> March 2024: 31mg, STILL too high, 30mg

Supplements: Multivitamin w/magnesium, probiotics, digestive enzymes, anti-viral nitric oxide nose spray as needed

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Carmie Contributor

Carmie

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How great to read that you’ve got such a fabulous therapist littlebird, you sound so extremely comfortable with them. Yeah, it’s probably good that you have a two week break to process things. I don’t have a therapist, but when I learn new things on dealing with happenings in my life I need quite a bit of time to process before moving on and integrating new information. 
 

Hope you have a happy day💛

1

Seroquel. 2019:➡️ From 7.25mg to 5.80mg. 2020➡️5.60 to 4.80. 2021➡️4.60 to 4.0.  2022➡️3.95 to 3.55. 2023➡️ From 3.50 to 3.25.  2024➡️Jan15=3.20✔️ Feb19=3.15✔️ March26=3.10✔️May1=3.05✔️This is NOT medical advice.Consult your doctor.

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littlebird

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24 minutes ago, Carmie said:

when I learn new things on dealing with happenings in my life I need quite a bit of time to process before moving on and integrating new information. 

 

Very true, I found myself thinking a lot over the past two weeks about what we talked about. Will probably process a lot of today's session long after today too! 

 

25 minutes ago, Carmie said:

Hope you have a happy day💛

 

Thanks, Carmie! I appreciate you. Hope you have a happy day as well! 💛

1

Pronouns: they/them/theirs 

Started on Prozac in early 2000s to treat cPTSD, been on various cocktails ever since.

2002-2004, 2017-2022: Buspar, tapered down to 0

2016-present: 100mg Seroquel for sleep -> May 2023: 90mg -> June 2023: 81mg -> September 2023: 72mg -> switched to brand name, much too strong, down to 60mg -> October 2023: 54mg -> November 2023: 50mg -> January 2024: 45mg -> April 2024: 40.5mg

2016-Present: 100mg Wellbutrin SR -> January 2023: 75mg IR (37.5mg 2x a day) -> February 2023 (33.75mg 2x a day) -> July 2023 (30.37mg 2x a day) -> August 2023: 27.33mg 2x a day 

2018-present: 25mg Pristiq

2015-present: 600mg Gabapentin (200mg 3x a day) -> December 2022: 300mg Gabapentin (100mg 3x a day) per GP's recommendation after side effects -> March 2023: 90mg 3x a day (switched to liquid suspension) -> April 2023: 81mg 3x a day -> September 2023: bad generic, switched back to homemade liquid; too strong after bad generic, down to 70mg 3x a day, still bad. Adjusted slowly till at 60mg 3x a day, much better. Long hold till -> December 2023: 54mg, still feels too high after November Seroquel switch from brand name to generic, doc recommended 50mg which feels better -> January 2024: When Wellbutrin went down, Gabapentin started putting me to sleep, went down to 45mg, then 41mg to stay awake, so far so good -> February 2024: 36mg, still too high, 34mg -> March 2024: 31mg, STILL too high, 30mg

Supplements: Multivitamin w/magnesium, probiotics, digestive enzymes, anti-viral nitric oxide nose spray as needed

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littlebird

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Log

Woke up earlier than usual, feeling like maybe Pristiq close to bedtime makes for a heavier sleep (not necessarily in a good way, woke up feeling like I used to when I was taking Seroquel and Gabapentin 200mg together at bedtime).

 

10am - 100mg Gabapentin

12pm - 25mg Wellbutrin

2pm - 100mg Gabapentin

4pm - 25mg Wellbutrin

6pm - 100mg Gabapentin

8pm - 25mg Wellbutrin 

10pm - 25mg Pristiq

Aiming for midnight 100mg Seroquel, been doing pretty okay with regulating bedtime

 

Notes

I’m getting a bit sick of my own notes! So many feelings. So, instead:

 

What’s been helping!

  • MUSIC
  • Community
  • My sweet dog and partner
  • Eating food regularly (who knew?)
  • Letting myself feel, and sing, and process
  • Self-compassion
  • Being generous
  • Taking time off work to do other things

 

Gratitude

  • A hummingbird relaxed very close to me today!! There’s an Anna’s Hummingbird that visits my kitchen feeder regularly, and has been hanging out for longer and singing through the window. Today, for the first time ever, he sat on the feeder without beating his wings ready to take off. I’ve never had a hummingbird relax so close to me before, less than half a meter away. Usually they only relax their wings far away from people. I’d been wondering if this bird was getting more comfy with me the way he was acting, and today was a big yes! 
  • Speaking of hummingbird gratitudes, I’ve been reminded of my shortcomings lately by some Ruby-Throated Hummingbirds who have been buzzing very close to me when I’m in the backyard, saying, “Hey, you need to refill the backyard feeder. That’s our territory, we don’t like the kitchen feeder. Refill ours too!” Thank you for pulling me out of my funk and reminding me to take care of y’all! Their attitudes are adorable, tbh. Also, I have been meaning to refill them, and appreciate the reminders!
  • Lately I’ve been connecting a lot with folks who had similar childhood traumas, and it’s so flipping nice to talk with people who get it. Healing journeys are more fun with friends and compatriots!
  • My therapist is really, really good. Like, mind-blowing every time! Love this for me.
  • I’m so glad I took the evening off to go meet a friend. I need to take more time for fun, yo!
  • I appreciate y'all and the internet for bringing us together from across the world. ❤️
2

Pronouns: they/them/theirs 

Started on Prozac in early 2000s to treat cPTSD, been on various cocktails ever since.

2002-2004, 2017-2022: Buspar, tapered down to 0

2016-present: 100mg Seroquel for sleep -> May 2023: 90mg -> June 2023: 81mg -> September 2023: 72mg -> switched to brand name, much too strong, down to 60mg -> October 2023: 54mg -> November 2023: 50mg -> January 2024: 45mg -> April 2024: 40.5mg

2016-Present: 100mg Wellbutrin SR -> January 2023: 75mg IR (37.5mg 2x a day) -> February 2023 (33.75mg 2x a day) -> July 2023 (30.37mg 2x a day) -> August 2023: 27.33mg 2x a day 

2018-present: 25mg Pristiq

2015-present: 600mg Gabapentin (200mg 3x a day) -> December 2022: 300mg Gabapentin (100mg 3x a day) per GP's recommendation after side effects -> March 2023: 90mg 3x a day (switched to liquid suspension) -> April 2023: 81mg 3x a day -> September 2023: bad generic, switched back to homemade liquid; too strong after bad generic, down to 70mg 3x a day, still bad. Adjusted slowly till at 60mg 3x a day, much better. Long hold till -> December 2023: 54mg, still feels too high after November Seroquel switch from brand name to generic, doc recommended 50mg which feels better -> January 2024: When Wellbutrin went down, Gabapentin started putting me to sleep, went down to 45mg, then 41mg to stay awake, so far so good -> February 2024: 36mg, still too high, 34mg -> March 2024: 31mg, STILL too high, 30mg

Supplements: Multivitamin w/magnesium, probiotics, digestive enzymes, anti-viral nitric oxide nose spray as needed

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Carmie Contributor

Carmie

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7 minutes ago, littlebird said:

Log

Woke up earlier than usual, feeling like maybe Pristiq close to bedtime makes for a heavier sleep (not necessarily in a good way, woke up feeling like I used to when I was taking Seroquel and Gabapentin 200mg together at bedtime).

 

10am - 100mg Gabapentin

12pm - 25mg Wellbutrin

2pm - 100mg Gabapentin

4pm - 25mg Wellbutrin

6pm - 100mg Gabapentin

8pm - 25mg Wellbutrin 

10pm - 25mg Pristiq

Aiming for midnight 100mg Seroquel, been doing pretty okay with regulating bedtime

 

Notes

I’m getting a bit sick of my own notes! So many feelings. So, instead:

 

What’s been helping!

  • MUSIC
  • Community
  • My sweet dog and partner
  • Eating food regularly (who knew?)
  • Letting myself feel, and sing, and process
  • Self-compassion
  • Being generous
  • Taking time off work to do other things

 

Gratitude

  • A hummingbird relaxed very close to me today!! There’s an Anna’s Hummingbird that visits my kitchen feeder regularly, and has been hanging out for longer and singing through the window. Today, for the first time ever, he sat on the feeder without beating his wings ready to take off. I’ve never had a hummingbird relax so close to me before, less than half a meter away. Usually they only relax their wings far away from people. I’d been wondering if this bird was getting more comfy with me the way he was acting, and today was a big yes! 
  • Speaking of hummingbird gratitudes, I’ve been reminded of my shortcomings lately by some Ruby-Throated Hummingbirds who have been buzzing very close to me when I’m in the backyard, saying, “Hey, you need to refill the backyard feeder. That’s our territory, we don’t like the kitchen feeder. Refill ours too!” Thank you for pulling me out of my funk and reminding me to take care of y’all! Their attitudes are adorable, tbh. Also, I have been meaning to refill them, and appreciate the reminders!
  • Lately I’ve been connecting a lot with folks who had similar childhood traumas, and it’s so flipping nice to talk with people who get it. Healing journeys are more fun with friends and compatriots!
  • My therapist is really, really good. Like, mind-blowing every time! Love this for me.
  • I’m so glad I took the evening off to go meet a friend. I need to take more time for fun, yo!
  • I appreciate y'all and the internet for bringing us together from across the world. ❤️

Nice to read your gratitude list littlebird, 

 

I’ve never seen a hummingbird in real life as I live in Australia. I love animals and wildlife💛

1

Seroquel. 2019:➡️ From 7.25mg to 5.80mg. 2020➡️5.60 to 4.80. 2021➡️4.60 to 4.0.  2022➡️3.95 to 3.55. 2023➡️ From 3.50 to 3.25.  2024➡️Jan15=3.20✔️ Feb19=3.15✔️ March26=3.10✔️May1=3.05✔️This is NOT medical advice.Consult your doctor.

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j1290 Veteran

j1290

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4 hours ago, littlebird said:

A hummingbird relaxed very close to me today!!

Wow!  I've had a few hummingbird feeders over the years, and never seen this happen.   They are absolutely glorious to watch.  And you said it, who knew they were such warriors?!?  I had some rings I got off amazon, little flowers filled with sugar water but I never got one to drink from it.  I've also seen premade and homemade hummingbird hats with the little sugar water flowers on them, but haven't tried that myself.   They're endlessly fascinating creatures.  

1

I am not a doctor and do not offer any medical advice, only my own experience.  Consult your physician.

2011-2015 tapered off 300MG of Effexor.  Back in the Paxil Progress days.  No rebound.   

2005-2021:  450 mg Bupropion XL Daily

2021 Buporopion May 450mg/June 400mg/July 375mg/Aug 10th 360mg/

2021 Dec - 150mg IR, 3x day = 450mg Bup, Heritage manufacturer-yellow color pill. 

2022 May 3 - 3 x 150mg IR Bup, Avet brand(pharmacist said they merged with Heritage-orange color) -migraines

REINSTATED-BACK TO MY LAST STABLE DOSE/TIME RELEASE

2022 June 5 - switched back to 3 x 150mg XL one time per day= 450 mg total Bup-Apotex brand

CURRENT TAPER 2022 Aug 31 - 450MG to 412MG IR Bup//Sep. 28, 2022: 412mg to 375mg//Oct 26, 2022: 375mg to 365 mg//Nov 21, 2022: 365mg to 327mg//Dec 27, 2022: 327 mg to 290 mg//Dec 31, 2022:  290mg to 262mg//Jan 28, 2023:  262mg to 190mg//Feb. 19, 2023:  190mg to 140mg//Mar. 18, '23:  140mg to 100mg//

 

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14 minutes ago, j1290 said:

Wow!  I've had a few hummingbird feeders over the years, and never seen this happen.   They are absolutely glorious to watch.  And you said it, who knew they were such warriors?!?  I had some rings I got off amazon, little flowers filled with sugar water but I never got one to drink from it.  I've also seen premade and homemade hummingbird hats with the little sugar water flowers on them, but haven't tried that myself.   They're endlessly fascinating creatures.  

Man I love those birds so much. Wish we had them in Australia 

1

Age 16 (1995 - 2000) -Paroxetine
Age 21 (2000-2004) - Effexor 37.5mg
Age 24 (2004-2012) - Lexapro (70mg), Xanax minimum 2mg Xanax a day
About 32 (2012-2017?) - Every mood stabiliser under the sun (not at the same time) and minimum 2mg Xanax a day; occasional amisulpride 
About 35 (2017-current) - Lurasidone 80 mg, quickly titrated down to 40mg, Pristiq (50 mg), minimum of 2mg Xanax a day
About 41 (2020) Switched from Xanax to clonazepam and started tapering at 0.125 mg each reduction, tapered off Pristiq with a cross taper at the end, low dose of dextroamphetamine.
Age 42 (2021) Tried to taper off Lurasidone three times. Quick taper from 40mg to 0 mg over a couple of months the first time. Reinstated at 20mg. Tried twice more to taper from 20 mg to 0 mg dropping by 5 mg each reduction (about every 2 weeks).
Age 42-43 (April 2022) 20mg-18mg; May 18mg-16mg; June 16-14mg; September 14-12mg; September 12-14mg reinstated. February 2023 - hiccup with brand change, Back to Apotek brand and switch to homemade suspension.

Age 44 (August 2023 -restarted clonazepam taper). Start dose 0.375mg. 1/9/2023 - 0.365mg; 1/10/2023 - 0.324mg; 1/11/2023 - 0.264mg; 1/12/2023 - 0.25 mg (holding); 1/2/2024 - 0.232mg; 1/3/2024 - 0.221mg; 1/4/2024 - 0.205mg;

Health regimen: walks, hot/cold showers, ice baths, breathwork, mostly healthy diet, therapy...... Open to ideas! Supplements: Milk Kefir, Mag, Omega 3, CBD/THC.

 

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FireflyFyte Contributor

FireflyFyte

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20 hours ago, littlebird said:

Long story short, I love my therapist! He blows my mind every time. A good therapist is worth their weight in… I was going to say gold, but even more than that. Looked up what the most valuable substance on earth is: anti-matter. What?? Okay, sure! A good therapist is worth their weight in anti-matter.

 

A great therapist really can make all the difference in the world. I'm so happy that you have food a good one!

 

Pre- October 2022: Wellbutrin, Escitalopram, Citalopram, Sertraline, Adderall IR, Vyvanse, Propranolol, Buspar, Ativan, and Latuda

Oct 13, 2022 - Oct 24, 2022 and Oct 31, 2022 - Present: Zyprexa (2.5 mg). Jan 14, 2023 -> Began transition to liquid suspension. Jan 29, 2023 = 2.375mg -> Feb 12, 2023 = 2.25mg -> Feb 27, 2023 = 2.14mg -> Mar 12, 2023 = 2.025mg -> Mar 27, 2023 = 1.93mg -> Apr 10, 2023 = 1.82mg -> Apr 23, 2023 = 1.74mg -> May 7, 2023 = 1.64mg -> May 21, 2023 = 1.56mg -> June 4, 2023 = 1.48mg -> June 19, 2023 = 1.4mg -> July 2, 2023 = 1.33mg -> July 16, 2023 = 1.26mg -> July 31, 2023 = 1.2mg -> Aug 13, 2023 = 1.14mg -> Aug 27, 2023 = 1.08mg -> Sep 13, 2023 = 1.02mg -> Jan 22, 2024 = 0.97mg -> Feb 4, 2024 = 0.92mg -> Feb 19, 2024 = 0.87mg -> Mar 3, 2024 = 0.83mg -> Mar 17, 2024 = 0.78mg -> Mar 31, 2024 = 0.74mg -> Apr 14, 2024 = 0.7mg -> Apr 28, 2024 = 0.66mg -> May 12, 2024 = 0.63mg

Oct 14, 2022 - Present: Prozac (40mg) upped from 20mg on Nov 1, 2022.

Oct 31, 2022 - Present: Gabapentin (300mg 3x day) -> May 3, 2023 = 300mg 2x day -> Oct 1, 2023 = 570mg -> Oct 15, 2023 = 540mg -> Oct 29, 2023 = 510mg -> Nov 13, 2023 = 484mg -> Nov 27, 2023 = 460mg -> Dec 9, 2023 = 436mg -> Dec 24, 2023 = 414mg -> Jan 7, 2024 = 400mg

 

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littlebird Veteran

littlebird

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7 hours ago, j1290 said:

I had some rings I got off amazon, little flowers filled with sugar water but I never got one to drink from it.  I've also seen premade and homemade hummingbird hats with the little sugar water flowers on them, but haven't tried that myself. 

 

I was considering something like this, but I don't think I hold still long enough. I want to try sometime! I switched to this nectar and the birds noticeably liked it more and started visiting more often. They also started singing a few feet from the feeder, probably to say, "This is my territory," but it was really cute. 

 

If there's ever an SA convention or meet-up, I'll bring the hummingbird feeders!

 

7 hours ago, Thorin said:

Man I love those birds so much. Wish we had them in Australia 

 

12 hours ago, Carmie said:

I’ve never seen a hummingbird in real life as I live in Australia. I love animals and wildlife💛

 

I wish I could share them with you! I started thinking of our local Peregrine Falcon cam, and wondering if there was a hummingbird one out there. Found a baby hummingbird nest cam!

3

Pronouns: they/them/theirs 

Started on Prozac in early 2000s to treat cPTSD, been on various cocktails ever since.

2002-2004, 2017-2022: Buspar, tapered down to 0

2016-present: 100mg Seroquel for sleep -> May 2023: 90mg -> June 2023: 81mg -> September 2023: 72mg -> switched to brand name, much too strong, down to 60mg -> October 2023: 54mg -> November 2023: 50mg -> January 2024: 45mg -> April 2024: 40.5mg

2016-Present: 100mg Wellbutrin SR -> January 2023: 75mg IR (37.5mg 2x a day) -> February 2023 (33.75mg 2x a day) -> July 2023 (30.37mg 2x a day) -> August 2023: 27.33mg 2x a day 

2018-present: 25mg Pristiq

2015-present: 600mg Gabapentin (200mg 3x a day) -> December 2022: 300mg Gabapentin (100mg 3x a day) per GP's recommendation after side effects -> March 2023: 90mg 3x a day (switched to liquid suspension) -> April 2023: 81mg 3x a day -> September 2023: bad generic, switched back to homemade liquid; too strong after bad generic, down to 70mg 3x a day, still bad. Adjusted slowly till at 60mg 3x a day, much better. Long hold till -> December 2023: 54mg, still feels too high after November Seroquel switch from brand name to generic, doc recommended 50mg which feels better -> January 2024: When Wellbutrin went down, Gabapentin started putting me to sleep, went down to 45mg, then 41mg to stay awake, so far so good -> February 2024: 36mg, still too high, 34mg -> March 2024: 31mg, STILL too high, 30mg

Supplements: Multivitamin w/magnesium, probiotics, digestive enzymes, anti-viral nitric oxide nose spray as needed

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littlebird Veteran

littlebird

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1 hour ago, FireflyFyte said:

A great therapist really can make all the difference in the world. I'm so happy that you have food a good one!

 

Thank you! After coming across some less than effective ones, it's making me appreciate him even more. He's so good at this, with the added bonus of being a hundred percent with my pronouns, which feels absolutely lovely. I won the therapist lottery, just when I needed some extra support. 

Pronouns: they/them/theirs 

Started on Prozac in early 2000s to treat cPTSD, been on various cocktails ever since.

2002-2004, 2017-2022: Buspar, tapered down to 0

2016-present: 100mg Seroquel for sleep -> May 2023: 90mg -> June 2023: 81mg -> September 2023: 72mg -> switched to brand name, much too strong, down to 60mg -> October 2023: 54mg -> November 2023: 50mg -> January 2024: 45mg -> April 2024: 40.5mg

2016-Present: 100mg Wellbutrin SR -> January 2023: 75mg IR (37.5mg 2x a day) -> February 2023 (33.75mg 2x a day) -> July 2023 (30.37mg 2x a day) -> August 2023: 27.33mg 2x a day 

2018-present: 25mg Pristiq

2015-present: 600mg Gabapentin (200mg 3x a day) -> December 2022: 300mg Gabapentin (100mg 3x a day) per GP's recommendation after side effects -> March 2023: 90mg 3x a day (switched to liquid suspension) -> April 2023: 81mg 3x a day -> September 2023: bad generic, switched back to homemade liquid; too strong after bad generic, down to 70mg 3x a day, still bad. Adjusted slowly till at 60mg 3x a day, much better. Long hold till -> December 2023: 54mg, still feels too high after November Seroquel switch from brand name to generic, doc recommended 50mg which feels better -> January 2024: When Wellbutrin went down, Gabapentin started putting me to sleep, went down to 45mg, then 41mg to stay awake, so far so good -> February 2024: 36mg, still too high, 34mg -> March 2024: 31mg, STILL too high, 30mg

Supplements: Multivitamin w/magnesium, probiotics, digestive enzymes, anti-viral nitric oxide nose spray as needed

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Fifree

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On 2/16/2023 at 7:24 AM, littlebird said:

If anyone who reads this has been thinking about getting/replacing a therapist, this is your sign from the universe to do so.

Thanks for this @littlebird. I have a therapist and she's kind and supportive and she has spent many hours listening to me rant and debrief. But she thinks everything can be fixed with CBT. I was upfront when I started with her that I hated CBT (really - hated) and wanted help to get back into my mindfulness practice which was the only thing that had ever helped me.  Five years later I don't think we've even seriously discussed it! 

 

Writing this out, I feel kinda stupid for not doing something sooner. No 1 criterion is a therapist should listen to you right? LOL. 

 

I'm kinda stuck with her for now due to the way the Medicare system works in Au.  But next time I get a new mental health care plan from my GP I'm gonna ask for someone different. 

 

Thanks again!

1

HISTORY

1995 - 2006: One at a time I've tried Zoloft, a MAOI for a short time, Cipramil, and Effexor for a short time (hell)

Lexapro career began 2006: 10 mg. 2014↘️tapered over months to less than 5 mg by cutting tablets and skipping doses. GP convinced me to ↗️to 10mg. 2018↗️20 mg. 2022↗️30 mg. 2021 Occasional 75 mg Lyrica for anxiety. 
Dec 2022: Trial 5 mg dextroamphetamine once a day. Began Lex taper Dec 22: 30 mg↘️20 mg (no symptoms). Jan 2023 dextroamphetamine 5mg x 3 daily. 

CURRENT

Daily: dexamfetamine 5 mg three times a day, Doxycycline 50 mg for skin (am) Supps: Fish oil. Magnesium and Turmeric, Women's 50+ multi (pm)

Occasional: Panadol/Nurofen/Meloxicam for headaches/arthritis; doxylamine for sleep

Lexapro taper 2023 16 Jan ↘️10 mg, (bad physical WDs) 27 Jan↗️15 mg 13 Feb↘️12 mg. 6 Mar↘️10 mg 20 Mar➡️crossover to liquid 31 Mar↘️8.5 mg. 24 Apr↘️7.25 mg. 17 May↘️7 mg. 31 May↘️6 mg, 6 week hold Switch to slide 10 July↘️5.8↘️5.6↘️5.4mg 7 Aug↘️5.2↘️5.1↘️5mg. Crossover to generic tablets from 4 Sept 23. Still holding at 5 mg, 13 May 2024.

 

Anything I write here is my opinion based on my experiences. It is not medical advice.

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littlebird Veteran

littlebird

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Log

Restless sleep, hurt my neck a bit tossing and turning! Pain in neck turning into tension headache. 

10am - 100mg Gabapentin

11am - Work uphill struggled today

12pm - 25mg Wellbutrin IR

12:15pm - Struggling to focus

2pm - 100mg Gabapentin

4pm 25mg Wellbutrin IR

5pm - nap (unusual)

6pm - 100mg Gabapentin

8pm - 25mg Wellbutrin

8:30pm - loving this 3rd dose evening motivation!

10pm - 25mg Pristiq

11pm - Pristiq is sooo much better at night!

Midnight - 100mg Seroquel

 

Stability report: mood improving, still pretty foggy in the brain, focus not coming too easily. Took a half day and napped (unusual, I hardly ever sleep during the day). Hopefully I’m adjusting quickly! Loving the third dose of Wellbutrin helping me get my evening stuff done. Even though Wellbutrin is an appetite suppressant, for some reason it’s been easier to kick anorexia in the teeth since upping the dose.

 

What’s been helping

Community! Here online, chatting with friends more often, and meeting up with folks.

 

Distracting myself, with music or podcasts, when things get tough. 

 

Having herbal tea throughout the day has been helping me cut down on caffeine. I’ve really been enjoying herbs from Verdant Tea.

 

Gratitude

When I was accidentally half-dosing myself for the past few weeks, it was hard to smile (and laughing was completely off the table). Now that I’m adjusting and taking it 3x a day, I’ve had some genuine laughs. I missed my little teeheehees! The first time something made me laugh the other day, it felt like I’d been given a drink of water after being thirsty for weeks.

 

My work helps good people doing good things in the world, in an area of need, and that feels really flipping good some days! 

 

Speaking of work, I appreciate that I have the opportunity to always be learning new skills and there’s novelty in what I do.

 

I took time to rest today! Getting better at listening to my body.

1

Pronouns: they/them/theirs 

Started on Prozac in early 2000s to treat cPTSD, been on various cocktails ever since.

2002-2004, 2017-2022: Buspar, tapered down to 0

2016-present: 100mg Seroquel for sleep -> May 2023: 90mg -> June 2023: 81mg -> September 2023: 72mg -> switched to brand name, much too strong, down to 60mg -> October 2023: 54mg -> November 2023: 50mg -> January 2024: 45mg -> April 2024: 40.5mg

2016-Present: 100mg Wellbutrin SR -> January 2023: 75mg IR (37.5mg 2x a day) -> February 2023 (33.75mg 2x a day) -> July 2023 (30.37mg 2x a day) -> August 2023: 27.33mg 2x a day 

2018-present: 25mg Pristiq

2015-present: 600mg Gabapentin (200mg 3x a day) -> December 2022: 300mg Gabapentin (100mg 3x a day) per GP's recommendation after side effects -> March 2023: 90mg 3x a day (switched to liquid suspension) -> April 2023: 81mg 3x a day -> September 2023: bad generic, switched back to homemade liquid; too strong after bad generic, down to 70mg 3x a day, still bad. Adjusted slowly till at 60mg 3x a day, much better. Long hold till -> December 2023: 54mg, still feels too high after November Seroquel switch from brand name to generic, doc recommended 50mg which feels better -> January 2024: When Wellbutrin went down, Gabapentin started putting me to sleep, went down to 45mg, then 41mg to stay awake, so far so good -> February 2024: 36mg, still too high, 34mg -> March 2024: 31mg, STILL too high, 30mg

Supplements: Multivitamin w/magnesium, probiotics, digestive enzymes, anti-viral nitric oxide nose spray as needed

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littlebird Veteran

littlebird

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I'm taking on more and more responsibilities at work, which is both a good challenge and scary AF. There's a part of me that wants to stay small and not even try in case of failure.

 

Also, I'm determined to keep growing! Perhaps this is an opportunity to chat with this part of me that feels it's safer to stay small and hidden, see what's driving this. 

 

Hm... having memories of parents cutting me down, at all ages. Also lil flashbacks of snarled, "What are you so happy about?"

 

Wait, could depression in part be a trauma response? I'm having memories of hiding happiness for safety, when I was having a good day and my abusers weren't. Huh. Did I eventually learn to simply be less happy about the things in my life?

 

Unexpected unpacking and processing happening on this Friday. I want to hide from the world, and I need to do the opposite. *sigh* The healing journey ain't easy, is it? 

 

Super glad I decided to go lower contact with the ole 'rents during the stabilization process. 

Pronouns: they/them/theirs 

Started on Prozac in early 2000s to treat cPTSD, been on various cocktails ever since.

2002-2004, 2017-2022: Buspar, tapered down to 0

2016-present: 100mg Seroquel for sleep -> May 2023: 90mg -> June 2023: 81mg -> September 2023: 72mg -> switched to brand name, much too strong, down to 60mg -> October 2023: 54mg -> November 2023: 50mg -> January 2024: 45mg -> April 2024: 40.5mg

2016-Present: 100mg Wellbutrin SR -> January 2023: 75mg IR (37.5mg 2x a day) -> February 2023 (33.75mg 2x a day) -> July 2023 (30.37mg 2x a day) -> August 2023: 27.33mg 2x a day 

2018-present: 25mg Pristiq

2015-present: 600mg Gabapentin (200mg 3x a day) -> December 2022: 300mg Gabapentin (100mg 3x a day) per GP's recommendation after side effects -> March 2023: 90mg 3x a day (switched to liquid suspension) -> April 2023: 81mg 3x a day -> September 2023: bad generic, switched back to homemade liquid; too strong after bad generic, down to 70mg 3x a day, still bad. Adjusted slowly till at 60mg 3x a day, much better. Long hold till -> December 2023: 54mg, still feels too high after November Seroquel switch from brand name to generic, doc recommended 50mg which feels better -> January 2024: When Wellbutrin went down, Gabapentin started putting me to sleep, went down to 45mg, then 41mg to stay awake, so far so good -> February 2024: 36mg, still too high, 34mg -> March 2024: 31mg, STILL too high, 30mg

Supplements: Multivitamin w/magnesium, probiotics, digestive enzymes, anti-viral nitric oxide nose spray as needed

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littlebird

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17 hours ago, Fifree said:

Five years later I don't think we've even seriously discussed it! 

 

Writing this out, I feel kinda stupid for not doing something sooner.

 

Don't beat yourself up!! I stayed with therapists who weren't listening/good for me for ages. The last one I had was actively making things worse, and I stayed for years until he got so burned out he stopped showing up for appts.

 

17 hours ago, Fifree said:

I'm kinda stuck with her for now due to the way the Medicare system works in Au.  But next time I get a new mental health care plan from my GP I'm gonna ask for someone different.

 

Oof, also totally understand being stuck with someone. When you can, or maybe even now to see if it's a possibility you weren't aware of, I hope you ask for someone new! You deserve a therapist who listens to you, and wants to help you in the ways you know would be good for you.

 

It took life backing me into a corner to finally reach out about someone new, and request exactly what I was looking for, and I'm so beyond grateful. It took me so many years, and some serious trauma, to force my hand.

 

Oh snap, as I'm processing this, I'm thinking about how it pings some childhood wounding around feeling like I don't deserve care. No wonder I stayed with a harmful therapist for years, I think a part of me felt like I deserved whatever I got and had no right to complain.

 

CBT alone isn't for me either, and it also reminds me of practitioners who are stuck in the past. I've had better luck with combination programs that pull from DBT, mindfulness, internal family systems, etc. I hope you find something helpful soon! 

 

I started using a free app called Finch that reminds me to be mindful and do self-care throughout the day. Have you found any self-study mindfulness that's been helpful? I'm also happy to be a lil mindfulness accountability buddy, I'm working on it too! 

 

Shoot, no time like the present to be present. I'll work on it now. Instead of putting headphones in and getting back to work, I'm sitting for a moment taking in the bird songs, the chilly wind picking up, and the way the shadows are playing with sunlight. Be here now, littlebird! 

Pronouns: they/them/theirs 

Started on Prozac in early 2000s to treat cPTSD, been on various cocktails ever since.

2002-2004, 2017-2022: Buspar, tapered down to 0

2016-present: 100mg Seroquel for sleep -> May 2023: 90mg -> June 2023: 81mg -> September 2023: 72mg -> switched to brand name, much too strong, down to 60mg -> October 2023: 54mg -> November 2023: 50mg -> January 2024: 45mg -> April 2024: 40.5mg

2016-Present: 100mg Wellbutrin SR -> January 2023: 75mg IR (37.5mg 2x a day) -> February 2023 (33.75mg 2x a day) -> July 2023 (30.37mg 2x a day) -> August 2023: 27.33mg 2x a day 

2018-present: 25mg Pristiq

2015-present: 600mg Gabapentin (200mg 3x a day) -> December 2022: 300mg Gabapentin (100mg 3x a day) per GP's recommendation after side effects -> March 2023: 90mg 3x a day (switched to liquid suspension) -> April 2023: 81mg 3x a day -> September 2023: bad generic, switched back to homemade liquid; too strong after bad generic, down to 70mg 3x a day, still bad. Adjusted slowly till at 60mg 3x a day, much better. Long hold till -> December 2023: 54mg, still feels too high after November Seroquel switch from brand name to generic, doc recommended 50mg which feels better -> January 2024: When Wellbutrin went down, Gabapentin started putting me to sleep, went down to 45mg, then 41mg to stay awake, so far so good -> February 2024: 36mg, still too high, 34mg -> March 2024: 31mg, STILL too high, 30mg

Supplements: Multivitamin w/magnesium, probiotics, digestive enzymes, anti-viral nitric oxide nose spray as needed

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Go2zero Contributor

Go2zero

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22 minutes ago, littlebird said:

Wait, could depression in part be a trauma response?

Interesting thought. In my opinion this could be right. See this video. May be interesting.

 

You could do some research on "The Completion Process" of Teal Swan. 

 

I started working with that lately. After years of several forms of therapy and spiritual work that did not really helped to heal me, I found that there were (unconscious) traumas from very early childhood.

 

This Completion Process really helps me to help to heal the traumatised fragmented parts in me. You can do it with a trained therapist, but you can also learn to do it with yourself with the help of this book https://www.amazon.com/Completion-Process-Practice-Yourself-Together/dp/1401951449

 

Edited by Go2zero

1993    Anafranil (Clomipramine) for a few months. Later in 1993 Paxil for a few months 1993- 2006      No medication

2006   Effexor, Cymbalta, some Benzo’s. All for short periods. Later in 2006 Lexapro (escitalopram) 10 mg and shortly after Wellbutrin XR 150mg, against side effects Lexapro 

Since 2006 until end of 2015: Several times on and off Lexapro and Wellbutrin and several slight dosage changes. Mostly taken dosages: 5mg Lexapro and 150mg Wellbutrin

2016  Dosage change Lexapro from 5mg to 2,5 mg. Wellbutrin stayed om 150mg

November 2016 – April 2017 Down from 2,5mg to 0,6mg Lexapro (in steps) without much problems. Wellbutrin down from 150mg to 66mg. Also without much problems.

April 2017 – March 2019       Lexapro 0,6 mg        April 2017 - August 2018       Wellbutrin in small steps down from 66mg in to 37,5 mg . Quite heavy WD after each step.

March 2019 – May 2019 Lexapro down from 0,6 to 0,3mg then Prozac to 0,6 mg switch because severe discontinuation effects (may also have been from Wellbutrin..)    

Wellbutrin down from 37,5mg to 35,3mg 

October 2019        Seroquel 12,5 mg for 4 weeks because of extreme sleeping problems, then weaning off in 2 weeks       Prozac up dosage to 1,2 mg

March 2020     Wellbutrin in 2 steps down from 35,3mg to 33,3mg   Extreme withdrawal effects during 8 months. Stopped tapering Wellbutrin  until total off Prozac. 

February 2020 – November 2020   Prozac down in steps from 1,2mg to 0,57mg. 

Jan 2021 :  Prozac down to:  0,55> 0,53>0,51mg,   Feb 0,47mg ,  Mar 0,42mg,   Apr 0,37, longer hold because of WD symptoms July 0,36 and hold again, Sept 19 0,35, Sept 26 0,34mg, Oct 3 0,33mg  Long hold of 172 days until March 2022

January 20, 2022:  Wellbutrin from 33,3 to 32,4mg

March 22, 2022 Prozac down from 0,33mg to: 0,30mg, Apr 0,29, May 0,28, 0,27, June 0,26, 0,25, July 0,24, 0,23, 0,22, 0,21, Aug 0,20, 0,19 Sep 0,18, Oct 0,17. 0,16, 0,15, Nov 0,14  Jan 2023 0,13, 0,12, 0,11  Feb 0,10, 0,09 Mar 0,08 ,  June 0,07 , July 0,06,  0,05, Aug 0,04, 0,03, Sept 0,026, 0,024 Nov 0,022, 0,019, 0,016, 0,013 Dec 0,012, 0,011, 0,010, 0,009   Jan 2024 0,008, 0,007,  0,006,  0,005, 0,004, 0,003, 0,002, 0,001, Feb  0,0007.  0,0005,   0,0003, 0,0001,  

Feb 23, 2024:  0,00000

Wellbutrin resume tapering: Apr 2024 31,6mg, 30,8, 30,0 , May 29,1, 28,2

  

Supplements: Fish Oil (3000mg), Magnesium 100 mg, 2 drops of Lavender Oil, only when feeling extreme anxiety. 50mg of L-Theanine only when severe discontinuation effects caused by Wellbutrin

 

Please note this is NOT a medical advice. Discuss all your medical issues with a doctor who understands psychical drugs and really knows how to withdraw from them. I wish that you will find one.

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littlebird

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39 minutes ago, Go2zero said:

After years of several forms of therapy and spiritual work that did not really helped to heal me, I found that there were (unconscious) traumas from very early childhood.

 

Been there! In hindsight, it had to be unconscious or how else would we have survived it? It's only decades later that I'm able to go, "That's not only not a normal childhood experience, that shouldn't have happened to anyone and it's no wonder I'm having strong feelings about it."

 

40 minutes ago, Go2zero said:

This Completion Process really helps me to help to heal the traumatised fragmented parts in me. You can do it with a trained therapist, but you can also learn to do it with yourself with the help of this

 

This seems to be the way, the integration of fragmented parts of us. I've come at trauma a lot of ways, including a years-long deep dive into ancient indigenous trauma healing.

 

From ancient times until now, there are descriptions of trauma as a fragmenting process. Shamanism is a theme all over our world, and in so many cultures and disparate counties there is a theme about bringing parts of the self back. This is now (seemingly) best practice in what I've experienced in modern trauma care repackaging ancient wisdom as mindfulness, compassion work, internal family systems, my new and limited experience in Gestalt, etc.

 

We're coming back home to what humans have always known! Well, parts of me, let's have a healing party together and everyone can have a say. I welcome all of y'all!

1

Pronouns: they/them/theirs 

Started on Prozac in early 2000s to treat cPTSD, been on various cocktails ever since.

2002-2004, 2017-2022: Buspar, tapered down to 0

2016-present: 100mg Seroquel for sleep -> May 2023: 90mg -> June 2023: 81mg -> September 2023: 72mg -> switched to brand name, much too strong, down to 60mg -> October 2023: 54mg -> November 2023: 50mg -> January 2024: 45mg -> April 2024: 40.5mg

2016-Present: 100mg Wellbutrin SR -> January 2023: 75mg IR (37.5mg 2x a day) -> February 2023 (33.75mg 2x a day) -> July 2023 (30.37mg 2x a day) -> August 2023: 27.33mg 2x a day 

2018-present: 25mg Pristiq

2015-present: 600mg Gabapentin (200mg 3x a day) -> December 2022: 300mg Gabapentin (100mg 3x a day) per GP's recommendation after side effects -> March 2023: 90mg 3x a day (switched to liquid suspension) -> April 2023: 81mg 3x a day -> September 2023: bad generic, switched back to homemade liquid; too strong after bad generic, down to 70mg 3x a day, still bad. Adjusted slowly till at 60mg 3x a day, much better. Long hold till -> December 2023: 54mg, still feels too high after November Seroquel switch from brand name to generic, doc recommended 50mg which feels better -> January 2024: When Wellbutrin went down, Gabapentin started putting me to sleep, went down to 45mg, then 41mg to stay awake, so far so good -> February 2024: 36mg, still too high, 34mg -> March 2024: 31mg, STILL too high, 30mg

Supplements: Multivitamin w/magnesium, probiotics, digestive enzymes, anti-viral nitric oxide nose spray as needed

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Go2zero Contributor

Go2zero

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21 minutes ago, littlebird said:

This seems to be the way, the integration of fragmented parts of us

What I find so good about the Completion Process, is that it is different from other ways of Inner Child Work. Very often we learn to embrace the traumatised child within us. And then bring it to our heart. But in such a way we bring a traumatised child into our heart. And the pain and trauma remains...!

 

What I learned as different in the Completion Process, is that we first recognise the pain and emotions of the wounded child. Then we start speaking with it with our adult part and learning the child that the situation which traumatised the child is not normal. That for instance the parent(s) are not safe parents. We learn the child then that it is not the child itself which is the problem, but the situation and/or people who cause the pain. 

 

Then the adult part in you will help the child to let go of all pain, thought and beliefs. And only AFTER this healing of the child, we bring the child to a safe place in our heart.

 

My experience is that the healed child somehow melts together with the adult part in us. I noticed that a lot of behaviour issues (limitations in life by anxiety for example) change very fast after the process.

2

1993    Anafranil (Clomipramine) for a few months. Later in 1993 Paxil for a few months 1993- 2006      No medication

2006   Effexor, Cymbalta, some Benzo’s. All for short periods. Later in 2006 Lexapro (escitalopram) 10 mg and shortly after Wellbutrin XR 150mg, against side effects Lexapro 

Since 2006 until end of 2015: Several times on and off Lexapro and Wellbutrin and several slight dosage changes. Mostly taken dosages: 5mg Lexapro and 150mg Wellbutrin

2016  Dosage change Lexapro from 5mg to 2,5 mg. Wellbutrin stayed om 150mg

November 2016 – April 2017 Down from 2,5mg to 0,6mg Lexapro (in steps) without much problems. Wellbutrin down from 150mg to 66mg. Also without much problems.

April 2017 – March 2019       Lexapro 0,6 mg        April 2017 - August 2018       Wellbutrin in small steps down from 66mg in to 37,5 mg . Quite heavy WD after each step.

March 2019 – May 2019 Lexapro down from 0,6 to 0,3mg then Prozac to 0,6 mg switch because severe discontinuation effects (may also have been from Wellbutrin..)    

Wellbutrin down from 37,5mg to 35,3mg 

October 2019        Seroquel 12,5 mg for 4 weeks because of extreme sleeping problems, then weaning off in 2 weeks       Prozac up dosage to 1,2 mg

March 2020     Wellbutrin in 2 steps down from 35,3mg to 33,3mg   Extreme withdrawal effects during 8 months. Stopped tapering Wellbutrin  until total off Prozac. 

February 2020 – November 2020   Prozac down in steps from 1,2mg to 0,57mg. 

Jan 2021 :  Prozac down to:  0,55> 0,53>0,51mg,   Feb 0,47mg ,  Mar 0,42mg,   Apr 0,37, longer hold because of WD symptoms July 0,36 and hold again, Sept 19 0,35, Sept 26 0,34mg, Oct 3 0,33mg  Long hold of 172 days until March 2022

January 20, 2022:  Wellbutrin from 33,3 to 32,4mg

March 22, 2022 Prozac down from 0,33mg to: 0,30mg, Apr 0,29, May 0,28, 0,27, June 0,26, 0,25, July 0,24, 0,23, 0,22, 0,21, Aug 0,20, 0,19 Sep 0,18, Oct 0,17. 0,16, 0,15, Nov 0,14  Jan 2023 0,13, 0,12, 0,11  Feb 0,10, 0,09 Mar 0,08 ,  June 0,07 , July 0,06,  0,05, Aug 0,04, 0,03, Sept 0,026, 0,024 Nov 0,022, 0,019, 0,016, 0,013 Dec 0,012, 0,011, 0,010, 0,009   Jan 2024 0,008, 0,007,  0,006,  0,005, 0,004, 0,003, 0,002, 0,001, Feb  0,0007.  0,0005,   0,0003, 0,0001,  

Feb 23, 2024:  0,00000

Wellbutrin resume tapering: Apr 2024 31,6mg, 30,8, 30,0 , May 29,1, 28,2

  

Supplements: Fish Oil (3000mg), Magnesium 100 mg, 2 drops of Lavender Oil, only when feeling extreme anxiety. 50mg of L-Theanine only when severe discontinuation effects caused by Wellbutrin

 

Please note this is NOT a medical advice. Discuss all your medical issues with a doctor who understands psychical drugs and really knows how to withdraw from them. I wish that you will find one.

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littlebird

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1 hour ago, Go2zero said:

That for instance the parent(s) are not safe parents. We learn the child then that it is not the child itself which is the problem, but the situation and/or people who cause the pain. 

 

Then the adult part in you will help the child to let go of all pain, thought and beliefs.

 

This sounds like so many tender moments with younger parts of yourself. For a long time, I felt like there was a roving gang of 'em trying to have a revolution from tough self-talk to compassionate kindness. I'm glad they convinced me and we're better friends these days!

 

The adult part reminds me of the DBT wise mind and the Gestalt work I just started doing with my new therapist. It's so nice to meet the younger parts of ourselves with kindness and comfort! I spent too long continuing being the abuser, had to break that self-talk cycle and find a new way.

 

1 hour ago, Go2zero said:

My experience is that the healed child somehow melts together with the adult part in us. I noticed that a lot of behaviour issues (limitations in life by anxiety for example) change very fast after the process.

 

Yeah! I noticed this feeling in a very active way recently in therapy, and had to ask, "What is this, what just happened?" That warm, melting-in, integration was so lovely. I hadn't had that in a therapeutic environment before, it was wonderful.

 

There are so many ways home to ourselves, I love it! 

2

Pronouns: they/them/theirs 

Started on Prozac in early 2000s to treat cPTSD, been on various cocktails ever since.

2002-2004, 2017-2022: Buspar, tapered down to 0

2016-present: 100mg Seroquel for sleep -> May 2023: 90mg -> June 2023: 81mg -> September 2023: 72mg -> switched to brand name, much too strong, down to 60mg -> October 2023: 54mg -> November 2023: 50mg -> January 2024: 45mg -> April 2024: 40.5mg

2016-Present: 100mg Wellbutrin SR -> January 2023: 75mg IR (37.5mg 2x a day) -> February 2023 (33.75mg 2x a day) -> July 2023 (30.37mg 2x a day) -> August 2023: 27.33mg 2x a day 

2018-present: 25mg Pristiq

2015-present: 600mg Gabapentin (200mg 3x a day) -> December 2022: 300mg Gabapentin (100mg 3x a day) per GP's recommendation after side effects -> March 2023: 90mg 3x a day (switched to liquid suspension) -> April 2023: 81mg 3x a day -> September 2023: bad generic, switched back to homemade liquid; too strong after bad generic, down to 70mg 3x a day, still bad. Adjusted slowly till at 60mg 3x a day, much better. Long hold till -> December 2023: 54mg, still feels too high after November Seroquel switch from brand name to generic, doc recommended 50mg which feels better -> January 2024: When Wellbutrin went down, Gabapentin started putting me to sleep, went down to 45mg, then 41mg to stay awake, so far so good -> February 2024: 36mg, still too high, 34mg -> March 2024: 31mg, STILL too high, 30mg

Supplements: Multivitamin w/magnesium, probiotics, digestive enzymes, anti-viral nitric oxide nose spray as needed

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Thorin Veteran

Thorin

Posted
Posted
4 hours ago, littlebird said:

From ancient times until now, there are descriptions of trauma as a fragmenting process. Shamanism is a theme all over our world, and in so many cultures and disparate counties there is a theme about bringing parts of the self back. This is now (seemingly) best practice in what I've experienced in modern trauma care repackaging ancient wisdom as mindfulness, compassion work, internal family systems, my new and limited experience in Gestalt, etc.

 

We're coming back home to what humans have always known! Well, parts of me, let's have a healing party together and everyone can have a say. I welcome all of y'all!

This, this is exactly what my therapist does and it’s actually helping. I thought I was incurable broken. Sometimes still believe that but through using a wide variety of tools including ‘shamanism’ (which I thought was super weird until she explained it a little. In western culture we think of shamanism as some sort of cult leader but it’s not). She combines the science with spirituality which is new for me but seems to help.

2

Age 16 (1995 - 2000) -Paroxetine
Age 21 (2000-2004) - Effexor 37.5mg
Age 24 (2004-2012) - Lexapro (70mg), Xanax minimum 2mg Xanax a day
About 32 (2012-2017?) - Every mood stabiliser under the sun (not at the same time) and minimum 2mg Xanax a day; occasional amisulpride 
About 35 (2017-current) - Lurasidone 80 mg, quickly titrated down to 40mg, Pristiq (50 mg), minimum of 2mg Xanax a day
About 41 (2020) Switched from Xanax to clonazepam and started tapering at 0.125 mg each reduction, tapered off Pristiq with a cross taper at the end, low dose of dextroamphetamine.
Age 42 (2021) Tried to taper off Lurasidone three times. Quick taper from 40mg to 0 mg over a couple of months the first time. Reinstated at 20mg. Tried twice more to taper from 20 mg to 0 mg dropping by 5 mg each reduction (about every 2 weeks).
Age 42-43 (April 2022) 20mg-18mg; May 18mg-16mg; June 16-14mg; September 14-12mg; September 12-14mg reinstated. February 2023 - hiccup with brand change, Back to Apotek brand and switch to homemade suspension.

Age 44 (August 2023 -restarted clonazepam taper). Start dose 0.375mg. 1/9/2023 - 0.365mg; 1/10/2023 - 0.324mg; 1/11/2023 - 0.264mg; 1/12/2023 - 0.25 mg (holding); 1/2/2024 - 0.232mg; 1/3/2024 - 0.221mg; 1/4/2024 - 0.205mg;

Health regimen: walks, hot/cold showers, ice baths, breathwork, mostly healthy diet, therapy...... Open to ideas! Supplements: Milk Kefir, Mag, Omega 3, CBD/THC.

 

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Thorin Veteran

Thorin

Posted
Posted
4 hours ago, Go2zero said:

What I find so good about the Completion Process, is that it is different from other ways of Inner Child Work. Very often we learn to embrace the traumatised child within us. And then bring it to our heart. But in such a way we bring a traumatised child into our heart. And the pain and trauma remains...!

 

What I learned as different in the Completion Process, is that we first recognise the pain and emotions of the wounded child. Then we start speaking with it with our adult part and learning the child that the situation which traumatised the child is not normal. That for instance the parent(s) are not safe parents. We learn the child then that it is not the child itself which is the problem, but the situation and/or people who cause the pain. 

 

Then the adult part in you will help the child to let go of all pain, thought and beliefs. And only AFTER this healing of the child, we bring the child to a safe place in our heart.

 

My experience is that the healed child somehow melts together with the adult part in us. I noticed that a lot of behaviour issues (limitations in life by anxiety for example) change very fast after the process.

This is so incredible to read. I’m doing deep trauma work as well. We do IFS and go deep and see what my parts/ inner child needs. And then give it to them. It seems to work (I thought it sounded very woo woo in the beginning). So much of me is still a little boy. I am very fragmented it seems but ever so slowly coming together.

1

Age 16 (1995 - 2000) -Paroxetine
Age 21 (2000-2004) - Effexor 37.5mg
Age 24 (2004-2012) - Lexapro (70mg), Xanax minimum 2mg Xanax a day
About 32 (2012-2017?) - Every mood stabiliser under the sun (not at the same time) and minimum 2mg Xanax a day; occasional amisulpride 
About 35 (2017-current) - Lurasidone 80 mg, quickly titrated down to 40mg, Pristiq (50 mg), minimum of 2mg Xanax a day
About 41 (2020) Switched from Xanax to clonazepam and started tapering at 0.125 mg each reduction, tapered off Pristiq with a cross taper at the end, low dose of dextroamphetamine.
Age 42 (2021) Tried to taper off Lurasidone three times. Quick taper from 40mg to 0 mg over a couple of months the first time. Reinstated at 20mg. Tried twice more to taper from 20 mg to 0 mg dropping by 5 mg each reduction (about every 2 weeks).
Age 42-43 (April 2022) 20mg-18mg; May 18mg-16mg; June 16-14mg; September 14-12mg; September 12-14mg reinstated. February 2023 - hiccup with brand change, Back to Apotek brand and switch to homemade suspension.

Age 44 (August 2023 -restarted clonazepam taper). Start dose 0.375mg. 1/9/2023 - 0.365mg; 1/10/2023 - 0.324mg; 1/11/2023 - 0.264mg; 1/12/2023 - 0.25 mg (holding); 1/2/2024 - 0.232mg; 1/3/2024 - 0.221mg; 1/4/2024 - 0.205mg;

Health regimen: walks, hot/cold showers, ice baths, breathwork, mostly healthy diet, therapy...... Open to ideas! Supplements: Milk Kefir, Mag, Omega 3, CBD/THC.

 

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Thorin Veteran

Thorin

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, littlebird said:

The adult part reminds me of the DBT wise mind and the Gestalt work I just started doing with my new therapist. It's so nice to meet the younger parts of ourselves with kindness and comfort! I spent too long continuing being the abuser, had to break that self-talk cycle and find a new way.

Same. I just continued treating myself like my abusers did. Just learning to change that now. I think I will always have trauma wounds but I can be compassionate to myself about it and know that it’s not my fault. Someone else did that to me. 

Age 16 (1995 - 2000) -Paroxetine
Age 21 (2000-2004) - Effexor 37.5mg
Age 24 (2004-2012) - Lexapro (70mg), Xanax minimum 2mg Xanax a day
About 32 (2012-2017?) - Every mood stabiliser under the sun (not at the same time) and minimum 2mg Xanax a day; occasional amisulpride 
About 35 (2017-current) - Lurasidone 80 mg, quickly titrated down to 40mg, Pristiq (50 mg), minimum of 2mg Xanax a day
About 41 (2020) Switched from Xanax to clonazepam and started tapering at 0.125 mg each reduction, tapered off Pristiq with a cross taper at the end, low dose of dextroamphetamine.
Age 42 (2021) Tried to taper off Lurasidone three times. Quick taper from 40mg to 0 mg over a couple of months the first time. Reinstated at 20mg. Tried twice more to taper from 20 mg to 0 mg dropping by 5 mg each reduction (about every 2 weeks).
Age 42-43 (April 2022) 20mg-18mg; May 18mg-16mg; June 16-14mg; September 14-12mg; September 12-14mg reinstated. February 2023 - hiccup with brand change, Back to Apotek brand and switch to homemade suspension.

Age 44 (August 2023 -restarted clonazepam taper). Start dose 0.375mg. 1/9/2023 - 0.365mg; 1/10/2023 - 0.324mg; 1/11/2023 - 0.264mg; 1/12/2023 - 0.25 mg (holding); 1/2/2024 - 0.232mg; 1/3/2024 - 0.221mg; 1/4/2024 - 0.205mg;

Health regimen: walks, hot/cold showers, ice baths, breathwork, mostly healthy diet, therapy...... Open to ideas! Supplements: Milk Kefir, Mag, Omega 3, CBD/THC.

 

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littlebird Veteran

littlebird

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4 minutes ago, Thorin said:

a wide variety of tools including ‘shamanism’ (which I thought was super weird until she explained it a little. In western culture we think of shamanism as some sort of cult leader but it’s not).

 

Oh yeah, I wavered on using the term due to the stigma attached in Western (white supremacist imperialist) society! It fascinated me to see that cultures all over the world found their way to shamanism as healing practice, and how similar the shamanism is despite the differences in culture. From my limited experience with modern Western trauma care, it's pulling heavily from practices of indigenous people all over the world. Some practitioners credit the sources, which I deeply appreciate. Give credit where it is due!

 

5 minutes ago, Thorin said:

I thought I was incurable broken. Sometimes still believe that

 

Me too, feels like there are sad and broken little parts in here that still have a long way to go to healing. Sometimes it feels more possible than other days! When I'm in my "wise mind," I know that I've already come a miraculously long way and even more healing is possible (and probable, as determined as I am).

 

6 minutes ago, Thorin said:

She combines the science with spirituality which is new for me but seems to help.

 

This seems to the be the way! I remember when the lines started to blur between the meditation retreats I'd been doing since I was young, and the suddenly mindful mental health education my insurance started offering for trauma care. I worked with an old guy who used to be mocked by other psychologists for studying meditation, now it's best practice for many programs!

 

6 minutes ago, Thorin said:

We do IFS and go deep and see what my parts/ inner child needs. And then give it to them. It seems to work

 

It does! I was having a terribly hard slog of a work day, and an inner child was pouting, "I don't want to work." I asked what would help, and lying down and playing some video games was the enthusiastic response. So I clocked out and did just that (figured it was as restful as a nap, and I couldn't take as nap as anxious as I was). I'm feeling much better after listening to that part of me and letting myself play and distract myself from ruminations.

 

4 minutes ago, Thorin said:

Same. I just continued treating myself like my abusers did. Just learning to change that now. I think I will always have trauma wounds but I can be compassionate to myself about it and know that it’s not my fault. Someone else did that to me. 

 

Oof, yeah. I remember a huge turning point for me in a trauma class where the doctor teaching it mentioned the reason so many people with cPTSD also develop stress-related medical disorders like high blood pressure is because often they are replicating the harmful talk they grew up with and keeping their nervous systems in high arousal.

 

It was like a spotlight was suddenly on my inner talk as he went on, "It's like you're being followed around by your abuser your whole life, if you continue to talk to yourself the way they did," and went on to talk about self-compassion. Big ole breakthrough, to imagine abusers following me around! Forget that noise.

 

It's a process! Things still pop up, like weeding a garden. Gotta keep at it! 😅

2

Pronouns: they/them/theirs 

Started on Prozac in early 2000s to treat cPTSD, been on various cocktails ever since.

2002-2004, 2017-2022: Buspar, tapered down to 0

2016-present: 100mg Seroquel for sleep -> May 2023: 90mg -> June 2023: 81mg -> September 2023: 72mg -> switched to brand name, much too strong, down to 60mg -> October 2023: 54mg -> November 2023: 50mg -> January 2024: 45mg -> April 2024: 40.5mg

2016-Present: 100mg Wellbutrin SR -> January 2023: 75mg IR (37.5mg 2x a day) -> February 2023 (33.75mg 2x a day) -> July 2023 (30.37mg 2x a day) -> August 2023: 27.33mg 2x a day 

2018-present: 25mg Pristiq

2015-present: 600mg Gabapentin (200mg 3x a day) -> December 2022: 300mg Gabapentin (100mg 3x a day) per GP's recommendation after side effects -> March 2023: 90mg 3x a day (switched to liquid suspension) -> April 2023: 81mg 3x a day -> September 2023: bad generic, switched back to homemade liquid; too strong after bad generic, down to 70mg 3x a day, still bad. Adjusted slowly till at 60mg 3x a day, much better. Long hold till -> December 2023: 54mg, still feels too high after November Seroquel switch from brand name to generic, doc recommended 50mg which feels better -> January 2024: When Wellbutrin went down, Gabapentin started putting me to sleep, went down to 45mg, then 41mg to stay awake, so far so good -> February 2024: 36mg, still too high, 34mg -> March 2024: 31mg, STILL too high, 30mg

Supplements: Multivitamin w/magnesium, probiotics, digestive enzymes, anti-viral nitric oxide nose spray as needed

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Fifree Contributor

Fifree

Posted
Posted
8 hours ago, littlebird said:

I'm thinking about how it pings some childhood wounding around feeling like I don't deserve care. No wonder I stayed with a harmful therapist for years, I think a part of me felt like I deserved whatever I got and had no right to complain.

Hell yes. Brain says to me:

  • You should be grateful to even have therapy OR  
  • Stop your bloody nonsense OR
  • Pull your bloody socks up (thanks Dad) OR
  • Oh darling if we talk about that [insert relevant traumatic episode] we'll just feel worse (thanks Mum)

etc etc

HISTORY

1995 - 2006: One at a time I've tried Zoloft, a MAOI for a short time, Cipramil, and Effexor for a short time (hell)

Lexapro career began 2006: 10 mg. 2014↘️tapered over months to less than 5 mg by cutting tablets and skipping doses. GP convinced me to ↗️to 10mg. 2018↗️20 mg. 2022↗️30 mg. 2021 Occasional 75 mg Lyrica for anxiety. 
Dec 2022: Trial 5 mg dextroamphetamine once a day. Began Lex taper Dec 22: 30 mg↘️20 mg (no symptoms). Jan 2023 dextroamphetamine 5mg x 3 daily. 

CURRENT

Daily: dexamfetamine 5 mg three times a day, Doxycycline 50 mg for skin (am) Supps: Fish oil. Magnesium and Turmeric, Women's 50+ multi (pm)

Occasional: Panadol/Nurofen/Meloxicam for headaches/arthritis; doxylamine for sleep

Lexapro taper 2023 16 Jan ↘️10 mg, (bad physical WDs) 27 Jan↗️15 mg 13 Feb↘️12 mg. 6 Mar↘️10 mg 20 Mar➡️crossover to liquid 31 Mar↘️8.5 mg. 24 Apr↘️7.25 mg. 17 May↘️7 mg. 31 May↘️6 mg, 6 week hold Switch to slide 10 July↘️5.8↘️5.6↘️5.4mg 7 Aug↘️5.2↘️5.1↘️5mg. Crossover to generic tablets from 4 Sept 23. Still holding at 5 mg, 13 May 2024.

 

Anything I write here is my opinion based on my experiences. It is not medical advice.

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Thorin Veteran

Thorin

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Posted
2 hours ago, littlebird said:

 

Oh yeah, I wavered on using the term due to the stigma attached in Western (white supremacist imperialist) society! It fascinated me to see that cultures all over the world found their way to shamanism as healing practice, and how similar the shamanism is despite the differences in culture. From my limited experience with modern Western trauma care, it's pulling heavily from practices of indigenous people all over the world. Some practitioners credit the sources, which I deeply appreciate. Give credit where it is due!

My therapist absolutely credits the source. She’s learned about, and spent time with some of these cultures, learns from them and then applies it to healing people. I think it’s pretty wonderful. When it comes down to it it seems on a surface level to be about community, healing and accepting dark and light aspects of the self. It’s helping me that’s for sure. Super painful to get close to the dark but such a relief when you can come to terms with it…

 

2 hours ago, littlebird said:

Oof, yeah. I remember a huge turning point for me in a trauma class where the doctor teaching it mentioned the reason so many people with cPTSD also develop stress-related medical disorders like high blood pressure is because often they are replicating the harmful talk they grew up with and keeping their nervous systems in high arousal.

Exactly this. Sounds like you’ve been reading Gabor mate. I’m slowly working on relaxing the nervous system (wrong term) but it goes up and down…… just takes time I guess.

 

2 hours ago, littlebird said:

It was like a spotlight was suddenly on my inner talk as he went on, "It's like you're being followed around by your abuser your whole life, if you continue to talk to yourself the way they did," and went on to talk about self-compassion. Big ole breakthrough, to imagine abusers following me around! Forget that noise.

Wow that’s spot on! By talking to ourselves the way they did we’re helping them win! I’ll never let those m#therf#%^ers win. Even if it means I have to treat my stupid self with love and compassion. Take that abusers!

 

2 hours ago, littlebird said:

 

It's a process! Things still pop up, like weeding a garden. Gotta keep at it! 😅

I’m starting to realise that this is probably a life long journey. I’m struggling a little with self identity at the moment if I’m honest because the journey is requiring me to change how I relate to everything. Most of my life everything was completely suppressed and now I have so many emotions flying all over the place. It’s changing me. It seems to be for the better if I take my cues from the people I care about but it’s super uncomfortable and unsettling. It’s not cool to be emotional if you’re a male in Australia! It’s often avoided and actively discouraged. Have a beer instead mate! I don’t follow that mold and it’s difficult to know where I fit in now…… toxic masculinity 

1

Age 16 (1995 - 2000) -Paroxetine
Age 21 (2000-2004) - Effexor 37.5mg
Age 24 (2004-2012) - Lexapro (70mg), Xanax minimum 2mg Xanax a day
About 32 (2012-2017?) - Every mood stabiliser under the sun (not at the same time) and minimum 2mg Xanax a day; occasional amisulpride 
About 35 (2017-current) - Lurasidone 80 mg, quickly titrated down to 40mg, Pristiq (50 mg), minimum of 2mg Xanax a day
About 41 (2020) Switched from Xanax to clonazepam and started tapering at 0.125 mg each reduction, tapered off Pristiq with a cross taper at the end, low dose of dextroamphetamine.
Age 42 (2021) Tried to taper off Lurasidone three times. Quick taper from 40mg to 0 mg over a couple of months the first time. Reinstated at 20mg. Tried twice more to taper from 20 mg to 0 mg dropping by 5 mg each reduction (about every 2 weeks).
Age 42-43 (April 2022) 20mg-18mg; May 18mg-16mg; June 16-14mg; September 14-12mg; September 12-14mg reinstated. February 2023 - hiccup with brand change, Back to Apotek brand and switch to homemade suspension.

Age 44 (August 2023 -restarted clonazepam taper). Start dose 0.375mg. 1/9/2023 - 0.365mg; 1/10/2023 - 0.324mg; 1/11/2023 - 0.264mg; 1/12/2023 - 0.25 mg (holding); 1/2/2024 - 0.232mg; 1/3/2024 - 0.221mg; 1/4/2024 - 0.205mg;

Health regimen: walks, hot/cold showers, ice baths, breathwork, mostly healthy diet, therapy...... Open to ideas! Supplements: Milk Kefir, Mag, Omega 3, CBD/THC.

 

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littlebird Veteran

littlebird

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Posted
1 hour ago, Fifree said:

You should be grateful to even have therapy

 

Ooh, I get this one. "Some people don't have access, be grateful for what you get." Especially in America, sometimes I think, "I'm lucky to have insurance at all, I should be more grateful." "Should" is a hell of a word to lay on ourselves now that I look at these in writing. 

 

1 hour ago, Fifree said:

Pull your bloody socks up

 

This has to be Australian, I'm not familiar! Is this like "pull yourself up by your bootstraps?" Or like, "get over it?"

 

It's so hard to push back against thoughts like these! I also have a big factor of the ole "don't talk about abuse, don't badmouth the abusers" at play. Also minimizing: other people do in fact have it worse, but it only makes me feel worse to invalidate myself like that.

 

It's a process!

 

I had a psychologist friend have a mini intervention with me last time I saw her about putting up with a bad therapist, she really drove home that I deserve care. Still took me months (and a mugging) to finally get me to the point of seeking help, but the message landed and helped me along.

 

I'm glad I finally got here, it helps to talk to someone who listens. Right away, I was pleasantly surprised at how he asked so many thoughtful questions, and really listened. I'd been feeling like therapy was something that happened at me (I did most of the listening with other therapists), and this is pleasantly cooperative! 

Pronouns: they/them/theirs 

Started on Prozac in early 2000s to treat cPTSD, been on various cocktails ever since.

2002-2004, 2017-2022: Buspar, tapered down to 0

2016-present: 100mg Seroquel for sleep -> May 2023: 90mg -> June 2023: 81mg -> September 2023: 72mg -> switched to brand name, much too strong, down to 60mg -> October 2023: 54mg -> November 2023: 50mg -> January 2024: 45mg -> April 2024: 40.5mg

2016-Present: 100mg Wellbutrin SR -> January 2023: 75mg IR (37.5mg 2x a day) -> February 2023 (33.75mg 2x a day) -> July 2023 (30.37mg 2x a day) -> August 2023: 27.33mg 2x a day 

2018-present: 25mg Pristiq

2015-present: 600mg Gabapentin (200mg 3x a day) -> December 2022: 300mg Gabapentin (100mg 3x a day) per GP's recommendation after side effects -> March 2023: 90mg 3x a day (switched to liquid suspension) -> April 2023: 81mg 3x a day -> September 2023: bad generic, switched back to homemade liquid; too strong after bad generic, down to 70mg 3x a day, still bad. Adjusted slowly till at 60mg 3x a day, much better. Long hold till -> December 2023: 54mg, still feels too high after November Seroquel switch from brand name to generic, doc recommended 50mg which feels better -> January 2024: When Wellbutrin went down, Gabapentin started putting me to sleep, went down to 45mg, then 41mg to stay awake, so far so good -> February 2024: 36mg, still too high, 34mg -> March 2024: 31mg, STILL too high, 30mg

Supplements: Multivitamin w/magnesium, probiotics, digestive enzymes, anti-viral nitric oxide nose spray as needed

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littlebird Veteran

littlebird

Posted
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Posted
1 hour ago, Thorin said:

Super painful to get close to the dark but such a relief when you can come to terms with it…

 

Right? I used to be more scared of the darkness, but it was like shadows on a cave wall appearing bigger than what was really there. When I investigated, each dark little shadowy part of me was a wounded child who needed care. 

 

1 hour ago, Thorin said:

I’m slowly working on relaxing the nervous system (wrong term) but it goes up and down…… just takes time I guess.

 

Oof, yeah. I spent most of life in survival mode, nervous system on high alert. It's been a real process to learn to feel safe and relax. 

 

1 hour ago, Thorin said:

Even if it means I have to treat my stupid self with love and compassion.

 

The juxtaposition of this made me laugh out loud. I've so been here, "Fine, I'll be nice to my stupid self!"

 

1 hour ago, Thorin said:

I’m struggling a little with self identity at the moment if I’m honest because the journey is requiring me to change how I relate to everything. Most of my life everything was completely suppressed and now I have so many emotions flying all over the place.

 

Right there with you! It's a trip. It does feel like I'm getting in touch with more of my authentic self who was numbed out for so many years, but I'm also getting more in touch with my goblin self who doesn't want to take showers or go out and socialize. The rough and the smooth, all coming out all over the place!

 

1 hour ago, Thorin said:

It’s not cool to be emotional if you’re a male in Australia! It’s often avoided and actively discouraged. Have a beer instead mate! I don’t follow that mold and it’s difficult to know where I fit in now…… toxic masculinity 

 

Right? Like anger is the only acceptable emotion to express, anything else is weakness. I hope you find a community of men who are in touch with their emotions, I bet there are folks who feel just like you do and are wishing they had a safe circle to feel things in.

 

Wait, I just came across something like this when I was researching something else for work. Pretty sure it was called the Mankind Project, didn't read too much into it but it sounded healthy on the surface!

 

Okay, found it: Mankind Project. Just poked around a little to look for any red flags (never know), and found videos with men who have New Zealand and Australian accents, so this seems to be pretty global and might be in your area! Poked around a little more, and they are in Australia for sure, and no red flags yet!

 

I'm so glad we live in a time where it's safer for people to get in touch with their emotions and challenge harmful societal influences like toxic gender norms and stigmas around mental health.

Pronouns: they/them/theirs 

Started on Prozac in early 2000s to treat cPTSD, been on various cocktails ever since.

2002-2004, 2017-2022: Buspar, tapered down to 0

2016-present: 100mg Seroquel for sleep -> May 2023: 90mg -> June 2023: 81mg -> September 2023: 72mg -> switched to brand name, much too strong, down to 60mg -> October 2023: 54mg -> November 2023: 50mg -> January 2024: 45mg -> April 2024: 40.5mg

2016-Present: 100mg Wellbutrin SR -> January 2023: 75mg IR (37.5mg 2x a day) -> February 2023 (33.75mg 2x a day) -> July 2023 (30.37mg 2x a day) -> August 2023: 27.33mg 2x a day 

2018-present: 25mg Pristiq

2015-present: 600mg Gabapentin (200mg 3x a day) -> December 2022: 300mg Gabapentin (100mg 3x a day) per GP's recommendation after side effects -> March 2023: 90mg 3x a day (switched to liquid suspension) -> April 2023: 81mg 3x a day -> September 2023: bad generic, switched back to homemade liquid; too strong after bad generic, down to 70mg 3x a day, still bad. Adjusted slowly till at 60mg 3x a day, much better. Long hold till -> December 2023: 54mg, still feels too high after November Seroquel switch from brand name to generic, doc recommended 50mg which feels better -> January 2024: When Wellbutrin went down, Gabapentin started putting me to sleep, went down to 45mg, then 41mg to stay awake, so far so good -> February 2024: 36mg, still too high, 34mg -> March 2024: 31mg, STILL too high, 30mg

Supplements: Multivitamin w/magnesium, probiotics, digestive enzymes, anti-viral nitric oxide nose spray as needed

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